you had her put in prison . . . the slut would find a way
out of it with her master-key. What the deuce am I to
do then? But here is the doctor coming. I must ask him
for a bit of advice as to what I am to do.
SCENE II. THE DOCTOR, LE BARBOUILLE.
BAR. I was coming after you to make a request of you
upon a matter of importance to me.
Doc. You must be very badly brought up, very clum-
sily, and have been reprimanded very insufficiently, friend,
to accost me without lifting your hat, without observing
rationem loci, temporis et persona. What ! to begin with
241
242 THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. ISCEWB .
an ill-arranged discourse, instead of saying: Salve, vel Sal-
vus si's, Doctor, doctorum eruditissime. Eh ! for whom do
you take me, friend?
BAR. Upon my word, I nope you will excuse me, my
mind was embarrassed,* and I was not paying any atten-
tion to what I was doing; but I know full well that you
are a gallant gentleman.
Doc. Know you at all whence comes the word " gallant
gentleman?"
BAR. Let it come from Villejuif or Aubervilliers, I care
little.
Doc. Know that the word gallant gentleman comes from
"elegant;" taking the g and the a of the last syllable, that
makes ga, then taking //, adding an a and the last two let-
ters, that makes gallant, and then adding gentleman, that
makes gallant gentleman. But, once more, for whom do
you take me ?
BAR. I take you for a doctor. But let us talk a little
of the affair which I wish to propose to you. You must
know then . . .
Doc. Know beforehand that I am not only once a doc-
tor, but that I am a doctor once, twice, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten times, ist. Because the unit
being the basis, the foundation, and the first of all num-
bers, I am consequently the first of all doctors, the learned
of the learned. 2d. Because two faculties are necessary
for the perfect knowledge of all things, the senses and the
understanding ; and, as I am all sense and understanding,
I am twice doctor.
BAR. Agreed. It is . . .
Doc. 30. Because the number of three is that of per-
fection, according to Aristotle ; and, as I am perfect, and
all my productions likewise, I am three times doctor.
BAR. Well, Mr. Doctor . . .
Doc. 4TH. Because philosophy has four parts: logic,
morality, physics, and metaphysics; and, as I possess
them all four, and am perfectly versed in them, I am four
times doctor.
4 The original has,favais V esprit en echarpe, I had my mind in a sea
herefore " awry," " embarrassed."
SCENE n.J THE JEALOUSY O* LE BARBOUILLE. 243
BAR. What the deuce ! I do not doubt it. Do listen
to me then.
Doc. 5TH. Because there are five universals ; the genus,
the spices, the difference, the essence, and the accident,
without the knowledge of which it becomes impossible to
reason well ; and, as I employ them with advantage, and
know their usefulness, I am five times doctor.
BAR. I must have a deal of patience.
Doc. 6xH. Because the number six is the number of
labour ; and, as I labour incessantly for my glory, I am
six times doctor.
BAR. Ho ! speak as much as you like.
Doc. 7TH. Because the number of seven is the number
of felicity ; and, as I possess a perfect knowledge of every-
thing that can confer happiness, and as I am so indeed by
my talents, I feel obliged to say of myself; O ter quaterque
beatum ! 8th. Because the number of eight is the number
of justice by reason of the equality found in it, and be-
cause the justice and prudence with which I measure and
weigh all my actions make me eight times doctor,
pth. Because there are nine Muses, and because I am
equally beloved by them. loth. Because, as we cannot
pass the number of ten without making a repetition of the
other numbers, and because it is the universal number;
so, so, when they have found me they have found the
universal doctor ; I contain in my own self all the other
doctors. Thus, you perceive by plausible, true, demon-
strative, and convincing arguments, that I am once,
twice, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten times
doctor.
BAR. What the deuce is this? I expected to find a very
learned man, who would give me good advice, and I find
a chimney-sweep, who, instead of talking to me, amuses
himself by playing Morra 6 with me. One, two, three,
four; ha, ha, ha! But that is not at all the thing; I pray
you to listen to me, and to think that I am not the man to
5 Morra is an Italian game, which consists in holding up quickly some
fingers of the hand raised and some shut, and for the opposite player to
guess the precise number of the fingers thus held up. As the Doctor in
counting probably held up his fingers, Le Barbouille evidently alludes to
the Morra.
244 THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. [scnn HL
make you waste your time, and that, if you satisfy me in
what I wish of you, I will give you anything you like;
money if you wish it.
Doc. Money, say you?
BAR. Yes, money, and anything else you might like to
ask.
Doc. (Hitching up his gown behind htm). Then you
take me to be a man who would do anything for money, a
man bound to self-interest, a mercenary soul? Know,
friend, that, if you were to give me a purse full of pistoles,
if this purse were in a costly box, this box in a precious
case, this case in a wondrous casket, this casket in a curious
cabinet, this cabinet in a magnificent room, this room in
an agreeable apartment, this apartment in a splendid castle,
this castle in a matchless citadel, this citadel in a famous
town, this town in a fruitful island, this island in an
opulent province, this province in a flourishing kingdom,
this kingdom stretching over the whole world ; and that
you would give me this world in which should be this
flourishing kingdom, in which should be this opulent pro-
vince, in which should be this fruitful island, in which
should be this famous town, in which should be this
matchless citadel, in which should be this splendid castle,
in which should be this agreeable apartment, in which
should be this curious cabinet, in which should be this
wondrous casket, in which should be this precious case,
in which should be this costly box, and in which should
be enclosed this purse full of pistoles, I should care as
little about your money and about yourself as about that.
(He departs.
BAR. Upon my word ! I have made a mistake ; I
thought it well to speak to him of money, because he
was dressed as a physician ; but as he does not want it,
nothing is easier than to satisfy him : I will run after him.
(He goes off.
SCENE III. ANGELIQUE, VALERE, CATHAU.
AN. I assure you, Sir, that you will oblige me greatly
by keeping me company now and then ; my husband is
so ill-shaped, so debauched, such a drunkard, that it is
scKNsrv.] THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. 245
torture to me to be with him, and I leave you to guess
what pleasure one can derive from a clodhopper like him.
VAL. Madam, 6 you do me too much honour in bearing
with me. I promise you to contribute everything in my
power for your entertainment ; and, since you confess
that my society is not disagreeabl j to you, I shall show
you by my attentions how much pleased I am at the news
which you tell me.
CA. Ah ! change your conversation ; here comes kill-
joy. 7
SCENE IV. LE BARBOUILLE, VALERE, ANGELIQUE,
CATHAU.
VAL. I am in despair, Madam, at having to bring you
such grievous tidings; but you might have learned them
from some one else ; and, as your brother is very ill ...
AN. Sir, do not tell me *s| more j I am your servant,
and feel obliged to you br ;i/t trouble you have taken.
BAR. Upon my were*, 32e fc the certificate of my
cuckoldom, without going :o the notary for it. Ha! ha!
mistress slut, I find you with a man, after all my orders
to the contrary, and you wish to send me from Gemini to
Capricorn ! 8
AN. Well ! need you grumble about that ? This gentle-
man has come to tell me that my brother is very ill :
what is there to complain ?
CA. Ah ! here it is ; I was wondering that we should
be quiet so long.
BAR. Upon my word, you are spoiling one another,
you sluts ; you Cathau, you are corrupting my wife : since
you have been in her service, she is not worth half of
what she was before.
CA. Indeed yes, a pretty story that !
AN. Leave the sot alone ; do you not see that he is so
drunk that he does not know what he is saying.
6 The original has Mademoiselle, see Prefatory Notice, Vol. I., page
32, note 14.
7 The original \\asporte-guignon, bearer of ill-luck.
8 See Rabelais' Pantagruel, book iii. ch. xxv. "How Panuige consulted!
with Herr Trippa."
246 THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. [SCENE vi.
SCENE V. GORGIBUS, VILLEBREQUIN, ANGELIQUE,
CATHAU, LE BARBOUILLE.
GOR. Here is my cursed son-in-law quarrelling with my
daugli.cr again !
VIL. Find out what it is.
GOR. What ! always squabbling ! Will you never have
any peace among you ?
BAR. This wretch calls me sot. {To Angelique], Hold,
I have got a good mind to slap your face 9 in the presence
of your relatives.
GOR. Cursed be the purse, if you have done what he
reproaches you with. 10
AN. But it is he who always begins to ...
CA. Cursed be the hour in which you chose this cur-
mudgeon !
VIL. Come, hold your tongue ; peace !
SCENE VI. GORGIBUS, VILLEBREQUIN, ANGELIQUE,
CATHAU, LE BARBOUILLE, THE DOCTOR.
Doc. What is this ? What disorder ! what quarrelling !
what wrangling ! what noise ! what confusion ! what fall-
ing out ! what a flare-up ! What is the matter, gentlemen,
what is the matter ? what is the matter ? Come, come, let
us see if there is no way of making you agree ; let me be
your peacemaker ; let me bring union among you.
GOR. It is my daughter and my son-in-law who have
some quarrel between them.
Doc. And what is it ? Just tell me the cause of their
difference.
GOR. Sir . . .
Doc. But in few words.
GOR. Yes : but put on your bonnet.
Doc. Do you know whence comes the word "bonnet" ?
GOR. No, indeed.
' The original has j'e suis bien tente de te bailler tine quinte major, I am
much tempted to give you a high sequence of five. The expression
quinte major, now called quinte majeure, belongs to the game of piquet,
for which see Vol. I. The Impertinent*, Act ii., Scene 2.
10 The original has Je dedonne au (liable I'escarcelle si vous Pavusfait.
This phrase is very obscure ; I have followed the explanation given by the
late Mr. E. Despois.
SCENE vi.] THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. 247
Doc. It comes from bonum est, good is, that is good,
because it keeps you from catarrhs and colds.
GOR. Upon my word, I did not know that.
Doc. But just tell me quickly about this quarrel.
GOR. This is what happened . . .
Doc. I do not think that you are the man to detain me
long, especially as I request you not to do so. I have some
pressing business which calls me into town ; but, to restore
peace in your family, I do not mind stopping for a mo-
ment.
GOR. I shall have done in a moment.
Doc. Be quick then.
GOR. Done immediately.
Doc. You must admit, Mr. Gorgibus, that it is a fine
gift to be able to say things in a few words, and that great
talkers, instead of being listened to, often make themselves
so obnoxious that one does not hear them ; virtutem pri-
mam esse puta compescere linguam. 11 Yes, the finest quality
in a gentleman is to speak little.
GOR. You must know then . . .
Doc. Socrates recommended three things very carefully
to his disciples : prudence in actions, sobriety in eating,
and to say things in few words. Begin then, Mr. Gorgibus.
GOR. That is what I wish to do.
Doc. In few words, without ceremony, without amusing
yourself with many speeches, spare me an apophthegm ; 1J
quick, quick, Mr. Gorgibus, hurry on, avoid prolixity.
GOR. Let me speak then.
Doc. Mr. Gorgibus, shake hands, you speak too much ;
some one else will have to tell me the cause of this
quarrel.
VIL. You must know then, Mr. Doctor . . .
Doc. You are an ignoramus, an illiterate, a man devoid
of all method and order, 13 in good French, an ass. What !
11 " Believe that the first of virtues is to restrain one's tongue." This
is one of Erasmus' distichs.
la In The Forced Marriage Pancrace says to Sganarelle, Tranchez-moi
votre discours cP un apophthegms a la laconienne, Contract your discourse
into a Laconian apophthegm. See Vol. I., scene 6, page 484.
13 In The Forced Marriage Pancrace calls Sganar -lie un h imme ignore
de tout bonne discipline, a man ignorant of all method and order. See
Vol. I,, Scene 6, page 489.
248 THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. [SCENE vi.
you commence your narrative without a word of exordium !
Some one else will have to narrate the quarrel. Madam,
tell me the particulars of this confusion.
AN. Well ! you see, my big scamp, my wine jug of a
husband ?
Doc. Gently, if you please : speak with respect of your
husband, when before the beard of a doctor like myself.
AN. Ah ! indeed, yes, doctor ! I care a deal about you
and your doctrine, and I am a doctor when I like.
Doc. You are a doctor when you like ; but I think that
you would make a funny doctor. You look to me much
as if you would follow your own fancies : of the parts of
speech, you like but the conjunction ; of the genders, the
masculine; of the declensions, the genitive: of syntax,
mobile cumfixo, and, in short, of quanti y, you love but
the dactyl, quia constat ex una longa et duabns brevibus.
Come now, just tell me the cause, the subject of your com-
bustion.
BAR. Mr. Doctor . . .
Doc. Ah ! that is well begun ; Mr. Doctor, this word
has something sweet to the ear, something full of emphasis ;
Mr. Doctor !
BAR. According to my will . . .
Doc. That is good . . . according to my will ! The
will presupposes the wish, the wish presupposes the means
arriving at its ends, and the end presupposes an object ;
that is good . . . according to my will.
BAR. I am bursting with rage.
Doc. Take out that word, I am bursting with rage ; it
is a low and vulgar term.
BAR. Eh ! Mr. Doctor, do listen to me, I pray you.
Doc. Audi, quaeso^ Cicero would have said.
BAR. Ah ! upon my word, if it breaks, 16 smashes, or is
destroyed, I hardly care ; but you shall hear me, or I will
smash your doctoral snout ; and what the devil is this ?
(JLe Barbouille, Angelique, Gorgibus> Cathau, Villc-
w This Latin cannot be translated. The rule mobile cum fixo is taken
from Despautere's Syntax. See The Ccuntes* of Escarbagnas, Scene
19, page 417, note 17.
15 A Latin translation of Le Barbouille's words.
16 The original has si se rompt, a pun on the name Ciceroru
SCKNBX.] THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. 249
brequin, each wishing to tell the cause of the quarrel,
and the Doctor saying that peace is a fine thing, speak
all at once. In the midst of all this noise Le Bar-
bouille fastens a rope to the Doctor' s foot, and makes
him fall on his back j Le Bar bouille drags him away
by the rope, which he had fastened to his foot, while
the Doctor endeavours to speak and to count upon his
fingers all his reasons, as if he had not fallen down
at all. Le Barbouille and the Doctor disappear.
GOR. Come daughter, go inside, and try to live in peace
with your husband.
VIL. Farewell, good night, and your servant.
(Villebrequin, Gor gibus, and Angelique go away .
SCENE VII. VALERE, LA VALLEE.
VAL. I am obliged to you for the pains you have taken,
Sir, and I promise you to be at the appointed place in an
hour.
LA VAL. It cannot be postponed ; and if you but delay
a quarter of an hour, the ball will be finished : you shall
not have the satisfaction of seeing her whom you love if
you do not come directly.
VAL. Let us go together this very moment.
( They go away.
SCENE VIII. ANGELIQUE, alone.
While my husband is out of the way, I shall go and take
a turn at a ball, which one of my neighbours is giving.
I shall be back before him, for he is somewhere in the
tavern ; he will not notice that I am out ; the rascal leaves
me alone at home, as if I were his dog. (She goes.
SCENE IX. LE BARBOUILLE, alone.
I knew well enough that I would get the better of this
doctor and all his confounded doctrine. To the devil
with the ignorant fellow I I have nicely knocked all his
science to the ground. I must, however, go and see if
the wife has prepared my supper. (He goes.
SCENE X. ANGELIQUE, alone.
How unlucky I am ! I came too late, the party is
over : I arrived just as every one was going ; but never
250 THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. LSCBNB XL
mind, it will be for another time. I shall go home, how-
ever, as if nothing had happened. Why ! the door is
locked ; Cathau, Cathau !
SCENE XI. LE BARBOUILLE, at the window, ANGELIQUE.
BAR. Cathau, Cathau ! Well, what has she done,
Cathau? and whence come you, Madam slut, at this
hour, and in such weather ?
AN. Whence come I ? just open the door, and I shall
tell you afterwards.
BAR. Ah ! indeed, you can go and sleep where you
came from, or, if you like it better, in the street ; I will
not open the door to such a gad-about as you. What the
deuce ! to be all alone at such an hour ! I do not know
whether it is my fancy, but my forehead seems half as
rough again as it usually is.
AN. Well ! and what if I am alone, what do you mean
by it? You quarrel with me when I have company: what
would you have me do?
BAR. You ought to have been within, to look after the
supper, to take care of the house, of the children ; but,
without so many useless words, good-bye, good-night, go
to the devil, and leave me in peace.
AN. You will not open to me ?
BAR. No, I shall not open.
AN. Eh ! my dear little husband, open, I beg of you,
my dear sweetheart.
BAR. Ah ! you crocodile ! ah ! you dangerous serpent!
you are caressing me to betray me.
AN. Open, open then.
BAR. Good-bye ! Vade retro, Satanas /
AN. What ! you will not open ?
BAR. No!
AN. And you have no pity on the wife who loves you
so much ?
BAR. No, I am inflexible ; you have offended me, I am
as vindictive as the devil, that is, putting it more strongly,
I am inexorable.
AN. Are you aware that, if you drive me to despair, and
make me angry, I shall do something which you will regret?
BAR. And what will you do, you nice she-dog ?
SCENKXI.] THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLf. 251
AN. There ; if you do not open to me, I shall kill my.
self before the door ; my parents who will no doubt come
here before going to bed, to know if we have made it
up together, will find me dead, and you shall be hanged.
BAR. Ah, ah, ah, ah, the great ninny ! and who of the
vwo will lose most by that ? Go, go, you are not so foolish
as to do such a trick as that.
AN. You will not believe it then ? There, there, here
is my knife quite ready ; if you do not open to me, I shall
plunge it into my heart this very moment.
BAR. Take care, the point is very sharp.
AN. You will not open to me ?
BAR. I have told you a score of times already that I will
not open ; kill yourself, die, go to the devil ; what do I
care.
AN. (Pretending to stab herself). Good-bye then . . .
Ah ! I am dead.
BAR. Can she have been fool enough to do such a trick ?
I must go down with the candle to see."
AN. I must catch you. If I can get cunningly into the
house while you are looking for me, it will be my turn
next.
BAR. Well ! just as if I ought not to have known that
she was not such a fool. She is dead ; and, however, she
runs like Pacolet's horse. 18 Upon my word, she has really
given me a fright. She has done well to get out of the
way ; for if I had found her alive, after having given me
such a fright, I should have dealt her five or six kicks to
teach her to play the fool. I shall go to bed now. Oh !
oh ! I think that the .wind has closed the door. Eh !
Cathau, Cathau, open the door.
AN. Cathau, Cathau ! Well ? what has she done to you,
Cathau ? and whence come you, Master sot ? Ah ! indeed,
my parents, who will be here in a minute, shall know
17 Moliere has employed a great part of this scene in the eighth scene
of the third act of George Dandin. See Vol. 1 1., p. 560.
18 In the legend of Valentine and Orson, Pacolet is a dwarf in the ser-
vice of Lady Clerimond, who has an enchanted flying horse of wood,
which was very swift, and carried the rider anywhere. Rabelais mentions
the horse in the twenty-fourth chapter of the second book of Panta-
gruel.
252 THE JEALOUSY OF I.E BARBOUILLE. [SCENE XHI.
the truth. Wine-barrel, infamous wretch, you do not stir
from the tavern, and you leave a poor woman with her
little ones to dance attendance upon you all day long,
without caring whether they want for anything or not.
BAR. Open quickly, you she-devil, or I shall break
your head.
SCENE XII. GORGIBUS, VILLEBREQUIN, ANGELIQUE, LE
BARBOUILLE.
GOR. What is this ! always disputes, quarrels, and dis-
sensions.
VIL. Eh, what ! will you never be agreed ?
AN. But just look, here he is drunk, and comes back
at this hour, to make a horrible noise ; he threatens me.
GOR. But this is also not a time to come home. Ought
you not, as a good father of a family, to retire early and live
in concord with your wife ?
BAR. May the devil take me if I have stirred away from
the house : just ask these gentlemen who are yonder in the
pit ; it is she who has just come back. Ah ! how inno-
cence is oppressed.
VIL. Come, come, make it up ; ask her pardon.
BAR. I ! pardon ! I would sooner have the devil run
away with her. I am so angry that I do not know what
I am doing.
GOR. Come, daughter, kiss your husband, and be good
friends. 19
SCENE XIII. THE DOCTOR, at the window, in his night-cap
and vest; LE BARBOUILLE, VILLEBREQUIN, GORGIBUS,
ANGELIQUE..
Doc. What ! for ever noise, disorder, dissension, quar-
rels, debates, differences, combustions, and never ceasing
altercations ? What is the matter ? what is it then ? There
is no peace to be had.
19 These three last scenes have been utilized by Moliere in the eighth
and following Scenes of the third Act of George Dandin (see Vol. II.,
p. 560 ; just as the scenes in which the Doctor appears seem to be the
outline of the sixth Scene of the second Act of The Love Tiff (see Vol.
I., p. 97, and of the sixth Scene of The Forced Marriage (see Vol. I.,
p. 484.
SCENE xiii.] THE JEALOUSY OF LE BARBOUILLE. 253
VIL. It is nothing, Sir Doctor ; everyone is agreed.
Doc. Talking of agreed, would you like me to read
you a chapter of Aristotle, in which he proves that all the
parts of the universe exist only because they agree among
themselves ? M
VIL. Is it very long ?
Doc. No, not very long: it contains about sixty or
eighty pages.
VIL. Good-bye, good-night, we are much obliged to you.
GOR. No, we do not want it.
Doc. You do not wish for it ?
GOR. No.
Doc. Good-bye then, since it is even so ; good-night :
latine, bona nox.
VIL. Let us go and sup together.
20 This may perhaps be the fifth chapter of the apocryphal treatise;
About the World. It is not very long; but the doctor was probably
going to comment upon it.
LE MEDECIN VOLANT.
COMEDIE.
THE FLYING DOCTOR.
A COMEDY IN ONE ACT.
(THE ORIGINAL IN PROSE.)
INTRODUCTORY NOTICE.
THE subject of The Flying Doctor is probably imitated from an Italian
farce, // Medico Volante, which was never printed, but often acted, and
in which the celebrated Harlequin, Dominico, who arrived at Paris in
1660, produced some sensation. Boursault (see Introductory Notice to
The Impromptu of Versailles, Vol. I., p. 435,) wrote also a Flying Doctor,
which was acted in the month of November 1661, at the Hotel de Bour-
gogne, and which is taken either from the Italian farce from which Mo-
liere borrowed his play, or from Moliere himself.
The Flying Doctor was acted several times in Paris, from the years
1659 until 1664, and twice at Court.
Moliere made use of several of the scenes of this farce for his Love is
the Best Doctor (see Vol. II., p. 135, and The Physician in Spite of Him-
self (see Vol. II., p. 247.).
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
GORGIBUS, Lucile s father.
VALERE, Lucile's lover.
SGANARELLE, his setvantl
GROS-RENE, Gorgibus' servant?
A LAWYER.
LuciLE, Gorgibus 1 daughter.
SABINE, her cousin.
1 Sganarelle is, in The Physician in Spite of Himself (see Vol. II., p.
249,) also the name of the servant, disguised as a physician.
2 See Introductory Notice to The Impromptu of Versailles, Vol. I.,
page 435.
THE FLYING DOCTOR,
(LE M&DECIN VOLANT.)
SCENE I. VALERE, SABINE.
VAL. Well ! Sabine, what advice do you give me ?
SAB. Really, there is a good deal of news. My uncle
wishes resolutely that my cousin should wed Villebrequin,
and matters are so far advanced that I believe they would