have been married this very day, if you were not loved ;
but, as my cousin has confided to me the secret of her
love for you, and as we find ourselves reduced to extremi-
ties through the avarice of my niggardly ancle, we have
bethought ourselves of a capital trick to delay the mar-
riage. At the moment I am speaking to you, my cousin
is pretending to be ill ; and the good old man, who is
sufficiently credulous, has sent me to fetch a doctor. If
you could send one of your intimate friends, to act in
concert with us, he would advise the patient to take the
country air. The old man could not fail to lodge my
cousin in the pavilion which is at the end of the garden,
and, by this means, you could converse with her without
the old man's knowledge, marry her, and let him swear
his fill with Villebrequin.

VAL. But the difficulty is to find so quickly a doctor
such as I wish, and who would be willing to risk so much
in my service. I tell you candidly, I do not know one.

SAB. I have bethought myself of something. Suppose

261



262 THE FLYING DOCTOR. [SCKNBH.

you dress your servant up as a doctor : there is nothing
easier than to hoodwink the old man.

VAL. He is a clumsy lout who would spoil everything ;
but for want of some one else, we must make use of him.
Farewell, I am going to fetch him. Where am I to find
that scoundrel just now? but here he comes quite op-
portunely.

SCENE II. VALERE, SGANARELLE.

VAL. Ah ! my poor Sganarelle, how glad I am to see
you ! I need you for a matter of importance ; but, as I
do not know what you are capable of doing. . . .

SCAN. What I am capable of doing, Sir ? Just try me
in any matter of consequence, or for something important;
for instance, just send me to see what o'clock it is by some
time-piece, to find out the price of butter in the market,
to bait a horse, then you will find out what I am capable
of doing.

VAL. That is not it ; you must counterfeit a doctor.

SGAN. I, a doctor, Sir ! I am ready to do whatever
pleases you ; but, to act the doctor, by your leave I shall
do nothing of the kind ; and, good Heavens, how should
I set about it ? Indeed, Sir, you are making fun of me.

VAL. If you will undertake this, I shall give you ten
pistoles.

SCAN. Ah ! when it comes to ten pistoles, I will not
say that I am not a doctor ; for, look here, Sir, I am not
sufficiently clever to tell you the truth. But where am I
to go when I am a doctor ?

VAL. To Mr. Gorgibus, to see his daughter who is ill ;
but you are a clumsy lout who, instead of doing things
rightly, might . . .

SCAN. Eh ! Good Heavens, Sir, do not worry yourself
so much ; I shall answer for it that I will kill a person as
easily as any doctor in town. There is a common pro-
verb- after death the doctor ; but you shall find that, if
I have a hand in it, they shall say : after the doctor, ware
death ! But nevertheless, when I think of it, it is very
difficult to act the doctor, and suppose I do no good . .

VAL. Nothing is more easv in this case ; Gorgibus is a
simplej coarse fellow, who will allow himself to be non-



scwnt IT.] THE FLYING DOCTOR. 263

plussed by your discourse, provided you speak of Hippo-
crates and Galen, and be somewhat brazen-faced.

SCAN. Which msans that I am to talk philosophy and
mathematics to him. Leave it to me, if he be the easy
fellow you say, I answer for it all ; only come and get me
a doctor's gown, tell me what I am to do, and give me
my diploma, which are the ten pistoles promised.

(Exeunt Valere and Sganarelle.

SCENE III. GORGIBUS, GROS-RENE.

GOR. Quick, go and fetch a doctor ; for my daughter
is very ill, and make haste.

GROS. What the deuce ! why do you wish to give your
daughter to an old man? Do not you think that it is the
wish to have a young man that worries her ? Do you
perceive the connection there is, etc. {Gibberish). *

GOR. Go, quickly ; I see well enough that this illness
will postpone the nuptials.

GROS. And that is the very thing that annoys me. I
meant to line my belly well,* and behold me done out of
it. I am going to fetch a doctor for myself, as well as for
your daughter. I am desperate. (Exit.

SCENE IV. SABINE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE.

SAB. I find you at the right moment, uncle, to tell you
some good news. I bring you the ablest doctor in the
world, a man who comes from foreign lands, who is master
of the most important secrets, and who will, no doubt,
cure my cousin. By some good fortune he has been
pointed out to me, and I have brought him hither. He
is so learned that I wish with all my heart that I were ill,
so that he might cure me.

GOR. Where then is he?

SAB. He is following me ; look, here he is.

8 Jacqueline, in The Physician in Spite of Himself (Act ii., Scene i),
makes the same observation. The word " gibberish " means that the
actor who played the part improvised after this.

*The original has/# croyais refaire man venire cTune bonne carrelure.
Carrelure are the new soles put on shoes or boots, hence a new lining
for the stomach. As for Gros Rene's corpulence, see The Love-Ti/,
Vol. I., page 79, note I.



264 THE FLYING DOCTOR. [SCENE iv.

GOR. The doctor's most humble servant. I have sent
for you to look at my daughter who is very ill ; I place
all my hope in you.

SCAN. Hippocrates says, and Galen, by undoubtful
arguments, demonstrates that a person is not in good
health when he is ill. You are right to place your hope
in me; for I am the greatest, the ablest, the most learned
physician in the vegetable, sensitive and mineral faculty.

GOR. I am delighted at it.

SCAN. Do not imagine that I am an ordinary physician,
a commonplace doctor. All the other physicians are, in
my opinion, nothing but abortions of doctors. I have
peculiar talents, I have secrets. Salamalec, salamalec.
Rodriguez, have you a heart? Signer, si; Signer, no.
Per omnia scecula s&culorum? But just let us look.

SAB. Eh ! it is not he who is ill, it is his daughter.

SCAN. It matters not ; the blood of the father and the
daughter are but one thing ; and, by the change of the
father's, I can ascertain the disease of the daughter. Mr.
Gorgibus, is it possible to see the urine of the patient?

GOR. Certainly ; Sabine, go quickly and get the urine
of my daughter. {Exit Sabine}. Doctor, I am very much
afraid that she is dying.

SCAN. Ah ! let her be careful not to do so ! she must
not amuse herself by allowing herself to die without a pre-
scription of the doctor. 6 (Sabine re-enters). This urine
shows a great deal of heat, a great inflammation of the
bowels ; it is, however, not so very bad.

GOR. Eh ! what, Sir, you are swallowing it ?

SCAN. Do not be surprised at that : doctors, as a rule,
are satisfied with looking at it ; but I am a doctor out of
the common, I swallow it, for by tasting it I discern much
better the cause and the effects of the disease. But, to
tell you the truth, there was too little to judge by : let
her make water again.



5 The words which Sganarelle utters are partly Italian, Spanish, Latin,
Arabic, and a quotation from Corneille's Cid. Whilst saying them, he
feels Gorgibus' pulse.

This is also found in the sixth Scene of the second Act of The Phy-
sician in Spite of Himself.



SCBNIIV.] THE FLYING DOCTOR. 265

SAB. (Goes and comes back again}. I have had a deal
of trouble to make her pass water.

SCAN. Is this all ! it is not worth while ! Make her
pass water copiously, copiously. If all patients pass water
in this way, I should like to be a physician all my life.

SAB. (Goes and comes back again). This is all there is
to be had : she cannot make any more.

SCAN. What ! Mr. Gorgibus, your daughter passes but
drops ? She is but a poor performer, your daughter ; I
see well enough that I shall have to prescribe a water-
making potion. Is there no way to see the patient ?

SAB. She is up ; if you wish, I will make her come
hither.

SCENE V. SABINE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE, LUCILE.

SCAN. Well ! Miss, you are ill ?

Lu. Yes, Sir.

SCAN. So much the worse ! It is a sign that you are
not in good health. Do you feel any great pain in the
head, or in the loins?

Lu. Yes, Sir.

SCAN. That is very well. Yes, this great physician, in
the chapter which he has written on the nature of animals,
says ... a hundred fine things ; and, as the humours
which have a connexion have much of a relation ; as, for
instance, as melancholy is the enemy of joy, and as the
bile which spreads through the body makes us become
yellow, and as nothing is more opposed to health than
disease, we may say, with this great man, that your
daughter is very ill. I must give you a prescription.

GOR. Quick, a table, paper and ink.

SCAN. Is there any one here who knows how to write ?

GOR. Do not you know how to do so ?

SCAN. Ah ! I did not recollect ; I have so many things
running in my head that I forget half of them ... I
think it necessary that your daughter should have some
fresh air ; that she should go and amuse herself in the
country.

GOR. We have a very fine garden, and some rooms
that look out upon it ; if you deem it fit, I shall make her
lodge there.



266 THE FLYING DOCTOR. [SCKNK vin.

SCAN. Let us go and look at the spot. (Exeunt all.
SCENE VI. THE LAWYER, alone.

I have heard that the daughter of Mr. Gorgibus is ill ;
I must inquire about her health, and offer her my services
as a friend of the whole family. Hullo, hullo ! is Mr.
Gorgibus at home?

SCENE VII. GORGIBUS, THE LAWYER.

LAW. Having heard of your daughter's illness, I have
come to tell you that I am concerned about it, and to
offer you anything in my power.

GOR. I was within with the most learned of men.

LAW. Is there no means of conversing with him for a
moment ?

SCENE VIII. GORGIBUS, THE LAWYER, SGANARELLE.

GOR. Sir, this is one of my friends, a very able gentle-
man, who wishes to talk to you, and to converse with you.

SCAN. I have not the leisure, Mr. Gorgibus : I must
attend to my patients. I will not take the right-hand side
with you, Sir.

LAW. Sir, after what Mr. Gorgibus has told me of your
merit and knowledge, I have the greatest desire in the
world to have the honour of your acquaintance ; and I
have taken the liberty to greet you with this intention ; I
hope you will not take it amiss. We must admit that all
those who excel in any science are worthy of great praise,
and particularly those who profess medicine, as much for
its own usefulness as because it contains several other
sciences, which makes its perfect knowledge very difficult :
and it is much to the point that Hippocrates says, in his
first aphorism : Vita brevis, ars vero longa, occasio autem
prceceps, experimentum periculosum, judicium difficile. 7

SCAN. {To Gorgibus). Ficile tantina pota baril cambus-
tibus*

T Life is short, art is long, the occasion fleeting, the experiment full of
dangers, the appreciation difficult.

8 Sganarelle has remembered only part of the last vford,Jlci/e, of the
lawyer : all the rest is nonsense.



SCENE ix] THE FLYING DOCTOR. 267

LAW. You are not one of those physicians who apply
themselves only to those physics called rational or dog-
matic, and I believe that you practise it daily with much
success, experientia magistra rerum? The first men who
professed medicine were so much esteemed for this beau-
tiful science, that they were placed among the gods for
the splendid cures which they performed daily. We ought
not to despise a physician for not having restored the
health of his patient, inasmuch as it does not altogether
depend upon his remedies, nor upon his knowledge, inter-
dum docta plus valet arte malum. 10 I fear I am intruding,
Sir : I bid you farewell, with the hope that at the next
opportunity I shall have the honour of conversing with
you more at leisure. Your moments are precious, etc.

(Exit Lawyer.

GOR. What think you of this gentleman ?

SCAN. He has some trifling knowledge. If he had re-
mained a little longer, I should have led him on to some
sublime and elevated matter. I must, however, take my
leave of you. ( Gorgibus gives him some money). Eh !
what would you do ?

GOR. I know what is due to you.

SCAN. Are you jesting, Mr. Gorgibus ? I shall not
accept it; I am not a mercenary man. (Taking the money}.
Your very humble servant. u

(Exit Sganarelle. Gorgibus enters his house.

SCENE IX. VALERE, alone.

I do not know what Sganarelle may have been up to : I
have had no news from him, and I am very anxious where
to find him. (Sganarelle comes back in his servant* s dress).
Good, here he is. Well ! Sganarelle, what have you done
since I saw you ?



9 It is experience which teaches all things. This is one of Erasmus'
adages, but slightly altered in sense and in the order of the words.

10 This is from Ovid's Epistles. Sometimes the evil is stronger than art
and science.

11 This is also found in the eighth Scene of the second Act of The Phy-
sician in Spite of Himself.



268 THE FLYING DOCTOR. [SCKN* XL

SCENE X. VALERE, SGANARELLE.

SCAN. Wonder upon wonder ; I have managed so well
that Gorgibus takes me for a very able doctor. I have
introduced myself into his house ; I have advised him to
give his daughter fresh air ; she is now in an apartment at
the end of the garden, so that she is far away from the old
man, and you may go and see her very easily,

VAL. Ah, what joy you are giving me ! Without losing
any time, I shall go and see hen immediately. (Exit.

SCAN. One must confess that this Mr. Gorgibus is a
regular nincompoop to allow himself to be deceived in
this manner. (Perceiving Gorgibus}. Ah ! good Heavens,
all is lost ; this one blow knocks the whole of the medical
faculty down ; but I must hoodwink him.

SCENE XI. SGANARELLE, GORGIBUS.

GOR. Good-day, Sir.

SCAN. Your servant, Sir ; you behold a poor fellow in
despair : perhaps you may know a physician who has lately
arrived in this town, who performs some wonderful cures.

GOR. Yes, I do know him ; he has just gone away from
here.

SCAN. I am his brother, Sir : we are twins ; and, as we
resemble each other very much, we are often taken for one
another.

GOR. May the deuce take me 12 if I have not been de-
ceived by it. And what is your name ?

SCAN. Narcissus, Sir, at your service. You must know
that, being in his study, I spilt two vials of essence which
were at the edge of his table. At once he flew into such
a violent rage with me, that he has turned me out of his
house ; he never wishes to see me any more, so that I am
a poor wretch at present, without support, without any
means, without an acquaintance.

GOR. Come, I will make your peace ; I am one of his
friends, and I promise to make it up for you with him ; I
shall speak to him about it the moment I see him.

14 The original has Je me dedonne au diable. See The Jealousy of le
Barbouille, page 584, note 10.



SCENE xiii.] THE FLYING DOCTOR. 269

SCAN. I shall be much obliged to you, Mr. Gorgibus.

{Exit Sganarelle, who re-enters immediately
in his doctor* s gown.

SCENE XII. SGANARELLE, GORGIBUS.

SCAN. One must admit that if patients will not follow
the orders of the doctor, and give themselves up to
debauch . . .

GOR. Your very humble servant, Doctor. I have come
to ask you a favour.

SCAN. What is it, Sir ? Is it a question of rendering
you a service ?

GOR. I have just met your brother, Sir, who is exceed-
ingly sorry to ...

SCAN. He is a rogue, Mr. Gorgibus.

GOR. I can answer for it that he so much regrets that
he has made you angry . . .

SCAN. He is a sot, Mr. Gorgibus.

GOR. Eh ! Sir, do you wish to drive the poor fellow to
despair ?

SCAN. Let me hear no more about him ; but look at
the impertinence of the rogue to come and find you to
make his peace for him ; I beg of you to say no more
about him.

GOR. In Heaven's name, Doctor ! do this for my sake.
If I can oblige you in any other thing, I will do so with
all my heart. I have pledged myself to this, and . . .

SCAN. You ask me with so much urgency that although
I had sworn never to pardon him, come, shake hands, I
pardon him. I assure you that I have done great violence
to myself, and that I must feel very kindly towards you.
Farewell, Mr. Gorgibus.

{Gorgibus enters his house, exit Sganarelle.

SCENE XIII. VALERE, SGANARELLE.

VAL. I must admit that I could never have believed
that Sganarelle could have acquitted himself so well of his
task. (Sganarelle enters in his servant's dress~). Ah ! my
dear fellow, under what obligations I am to you ! what
joy I have 1 and . . .



270 THE FLYING DOCTOR. [SCENE xv.

SCAN. Upon my word, you are speaking very easily
about it. Gorgibus fell in with me ; and, without some
trick which I contrived, the whole of the train would have
been discovered. {Perceiving Gorgibus}, But be off, here
he is. {Exit Valere.

SCENE XIV. GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE.

GOR. I was looking everywhere for you to tell you
that I have spoken to your brother : he has pledged me
his word that he would forgive you ; but, to make more
sure of it, I wish him to embrace you in my presence ; go
into my house, and I shall go and fetch him.

SCAN. Ah ! Mr. Gorgibus, I do not think you will find
him just now ; and besides, I shall not remain in your
house : I fear his anger too much.

GOR. Ah ! but you shall remain, for I will lock you in.
I am going now to fetch your brother ; fear nothing, I
answer for it that he is no longer angry. (Exit Gorgibus.

SGAN. {From the window}. In truth I am caught this
time ; there is no longer a means of escape. The cloud is
very thick, and I am sorely afraid that, if it bursts, it will
hail plentiful cudgel-blows on my back, or that, by some
prescription much stronger than that of any doctor, they
will apply at least a royal plaster to my shoulders. 13 My
prospects look very bad : but why despair ? Since I have
done so much, let us play the rogue to the end. Yes, yes,
I must still get out of it, and show that Sganarelle is the
king of rogues.

{Sganarelle jumps through
the window and exit.

SCENE XV. GROS-RENE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE.

GROS. Ah ! upon my word, this is funny ! what the
deuce are they leaping through the windows for ! I must
remain here, and see what all this will lead to.

GOR. I cannot find this doctor ; I do not know where
the deuce he has hid himself. {Perceiving Sganarelle, who
is coming back in a doctor* s gown). But here he is. Sir,
it is not sufficient to have pardoned your brother; I

1S Sganarelle means by "a royal plaster " a brand.



SCENE xv.] THE FLYING DOCTOR. 271

beseech you, for my satisfaction, to embrace him : he is
in my house, and I have been looking for you everywhere
to entreat you to make this reconciliation in my presence.

SCAN. You are jesting, Mr. Gorgibus; is it not suffi-
cient that I pardon him ? I never wish to see him again.

GOR. But, Sir, for the love of me.

SCAN. I can refuse you nothing : tell him to come down.

(While Gorgibus enters the house by tht
door, Sganarelle gets in at the window.

GOR. (At the window}. Here is your brother waiting
for you below ; he has promised me to do all you wish.

SCAN. (At the window}. Mr. Gorgibus, I entreat you to
make him come here ; I beseech you let it be in private
that I ask his pardon, for no doubt he will inflict a
hundred reprimands, a hundred reproaches upon me be-
fore every one.

( Gorgibus comes out of his house by the door.
Sganarelle by the window.

GOR. Well, then, I will tell him so ... Sir, he says
he is ashamed, and begs you to come in, so that he may
ask your pardon in private. Here is the key ; you can
go in ; I pray you not to refuse me, and to give me this
satisfaction.

SCAN. There is nothing I would not do for your satis-
faction ; you shall hear in what manner I will treat him.
(At the window}. Ah ! here you are, you rogue. Brother,
I ask your pardon, I assure you that it was not my fault.
Not your fault, you good-for-nothing, you rogue, I will
teach you manners, to have the audacity to bother Mr.
Gorgibus, to pester his brain with your stupid tricks !
Brother Hold your tongue, I tell you I will not dis-
oblige . . . Hold your tongue, you rogue.

GROS. Who the deuce think you, is in your house at
present ?

GOR. It is the doctor and Narcissus, his brother ; they
had a little quarrel, and they are making it up.

GROS. The deuce take it ! they are but one.

SCAN. (At the window). Sot that you are, I will teach
you how to behave. How he lowers his eyes ! he knows



272 THE FLYING DOCTOR. [SCENE xv.

well enough that he has done wrong, the hang-dog ! Ah!
the hypocrite, how he pretends to be a saint ?

GROS. Just ask him a moment, Sir, to place his brother
at the window.

GOR. I say, doctor, I pray you to make your brother
come to the window.

SCAN. {From the windovj). He is unworthy to be seen
by decent people, and besides I cannot bear him near me.

GOR. Do not refuse me this favour, Sir, after all those
you have granted me.

SCAN. {From the window). Really, Mr. Gorgibus, you
have such a power over me that I can refuse you nothing.
Show yourself, you rogue. {After having disappeared for
a moment, he comes back in his servant 's clothes). Mr.
Gorgibus, I am obliged to you. (He disappears once
more, and re-appears immediately, in his doctors gown).
Well ! have you once more seen this image of a good-for-
nothing ?

GROS. Upon my word, they are but one j and, to prove
it, just tell him that you would like to see them together.

GOR. But do me the favor to make him appear togeth-
er with you, and to embrace him before me at the
window.

SCAN. {From the window). It is a thing which I would
refuse to any one but you ; but, to show you that I will
do anything for the love of you, I will resolve to do it,
though with difficulty, and wish him beforehand to ask
your pardon for all the trouble which he has given you.
Yes, Mr. Gorgibus, I ask your pardon for having impor-
tuned you so much, and promise you, brother, in the
presence of Mr. Gorgibus here, to behave so well for the
future, that you shall have no more grounds of complaint,
at the same time entreating you to think no more about
what has passed.

{He embraces his cap and his collar,
which he has placed on his elbow.

GOR. Well, are they not both there ?
GROS. Ah ! upon my word, he is a sorcerer.
SCAN. {Coming out of the house, as the doctor). Here is
the key of your house which I return to you, Sir; I did



SCENE xvi.J THE FLYING DOCTOR. 273

not wish this rogue to come down with me, for he dis-
graces me ; I should not like him to be seen in my com-
pany, in the town where I am held in some repute. You
will tell him to come out when it shall please you. I
wish you a good-day, and am your servant, &c.

(He pretends to go, and after having slipped off
his gown, re-enters the house by the window.

GOR. I must go and set this poor fellow free ; in truth,
if he has forgiven him, it has not been without much ill-
treatment. (He enters the house, and comes out of it
with Sganarelle in his servant' s clothes.

SCAN. I thank you, Sir, for the trouble you have taken,
and the kindness you have shown ; I shall be obliged to
you all my life.

GROS. Where do you think the doctor is at present ?

GOR. He is gone.

GROS. (Who has picked ufi the gown of Sganarelle}. I
have got him under my arm. Here is the rogue who
acted the doctor, and who deceived you. While he is deceiv-
ing you, and acting a play in your house, Valere and your
daughter are together going to the very devil.

GOR. Oh ! what an unfortunate wretch I am ! but you
will be hanged, rogue, scoundrel !

SCAN. Why do you want to hang me, Sir ? Just listen
to one word, if you please ; it is true that it was by ray
contrivance that my master is with your daughter ; but, in
serving him, I have done you no harm : he is a very suita-
ble match for her, by birth as well as by wealth. Believe
me, do not make a noise which would lead to your con-
fusion, and send this rogue to the devil together with
Villebrequin. But here are our lovers.

SCENE XVI. VALERE, LUCILE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE.

VAL. We throw ourselves at your feet.

GOR. I forgive you, and reckon myself fortunate to
have been deceived by Sganarelle, seeing that it gives me
such a good son-in-law. Let us go and enjoy ourselves,
and drink to the health of the company.