Knives, forks, and fpoons, may fly, with plates
itore :
And all the thunder of the kitchen roar.
Nat. Gardner, Yeoman of the mouth, declares,
He'll join the ftandard of your injured cooks ;
Each fcullion, tournebroche, for redrefs prepares,
And puts on very formidable looks ;
Young women, too imprimis, Mrs. Dyer,
Whofe eggs are good, as ever felt a lire :
Next Sweeper-gen'ral Bickley, Mrs. Mary,
With that tam'd. bell-ringer, calPd Mrs. Loman ;
Ann Spencer, guardian of the NeceiTaryv
That is to fay, the neceffary- woman ;
All thefe, an't pleafe you, Sir, fo fierce determine -
To join us, in the caufe of hair and vermine,
There's Mrs, Stewart Mr. Richard Day,
Who find your facred Majefty in linen,
Are ready to fupport us in our fray :
You can't conceive the paffion, they have been in.
They ("wear fo much your fcheme of {having hurts
\ou ilia' n't have pocket handkerchiefs, or thins.
The grocers, Clarke, and Taylor, curfe the fcheme,
And fay, whate'er we do, the world won't blame us
$Q Comber fays, who gives you milk and cream
And thus your old friend, Mr. Lewis llamus.
We think, your fr.crecl Majefly would mutter,
At Igfs of fiig^fj liiilk; sud cream, and butter.
C 155 3
Suppofc, aii't pleafe you, Sir, that Miftrels Knutton,
And Miftrcfs Marihfield, fierce as tyger-cats ;
One, Overfeer of all the beef and mutton ;
The other, Lady Preiident of fprats ;
Suppofe, in oppofitlon to your wifn,
Thi* locks away the ilefti, "and That the fifti !
Suppofe, John Clarke refufe fupplies of milliard,*
So necellary to your beef, and bacon ;
Will. Roberts, all the apple-pie and cuftard ;
Your Ma jetty would growl, or we're miftaken.
Suppofe, that Wells, a Ihibborn temper Undying, ^
Should take the plumbs off from the Sunday pudding !
Suppofe, that Rainsforth, with our corps, unites ;
We mean the man, who all the tallow handles ;
Suppofe, he, daring, locks up all the lights ;
How could your Majeily contrive, for candles i
You'd be (excufe the freedom of remark)
Like fome Adminiftrations in the dark.
\\ r e dare afTure yoa, that our gnef is great :
And o!t, indeed, our feelings it enrages,
To fee your facred Majefty befet,
By fuch a gracelefs gang of idle pages :
And, with fubmiflion to your judgment, Sire,
We think old Madam Swellenberg a liar.
Suppofe, great Sire, that, by your cruel /}'/?/,
The barbers Ihoukl attack our humble head ;
And that we mould not chufe to breed a riot,
Becaufe we might not with to lofe our bread ;
Say, would the triumph, o'er each harmlefs Cook^
Make George the Third, like Alexander, look ?
D:ead Sir, refleft on Johnny Wilkes' fate ;
Supported chiefly by a paltry rabble,
Wilkes bade defiance to your frowns and (late ;
And got the better, in that famous fquabble.
Poor was the victory, you wiuYd to win,
Tint ice the mouth of iuuo^e on the grin.
C J55 ]
G King, our wives are in the kitchen, roaring,
All ready in rebellion, now to rife -
They mock our humble method of imploring,
And bid us guard againft a wig-furprife :
* Your's is the hair (they cry) th' Almighty gave you-;
5 And not a King in ChrJftendonj fhould ihave you,'
Lo ! on thVvent, the world impatient looks,
And thinks the joke is carry' d much too far.
Then, pray, Sir, liften to your faithful Cooks ;
Nor, in the palace, breed a civil war.
Loud roars our band, and, obltinate as pigs,
Cry, ' Locks find Liberty /' and * Damn the JFigi f
POETICAL AND CONGRATULATORY
i
E P I S T L E,
T
JAMES B O S W E L L,
ON HIS
JOURNAL OF A TOUR TO THE HEBRIDES
V7JTII TttS CELEBRATED
n R. J O II N S O N.
A
POETICAL EPISTLE,
T .0
J A ME S B O S W E L L,
<J
B^S'VELL, Bozzy, Bruce*, whate'er rhy name,
'hou'4'h mighty {hark for anecdote and fame :
f hou Jacka-1, leading lion Johnfon forth,
'o eat M'Pherfon f 'mi aft his native North ;
'o fright. n grave profeflbrs, with his roar,
nd ihake the Hebrides, from fliore to fhore
:l hail ! - At length, ambitious Thane, thy rage,
To give one fpark to Fame's befpangled page,
s amply gratify'd a thdufand eyes
urvey thy book, with rapture and furprife !
oud, of thy Tour, a thoufand tongues have fpolccn,
And wonder' d that, thy bones were never broken !
* Vide Note, page 16.
t The translator (hut, in Dr. Jobnfon's opinion, the author)
tf the Poems attributed to OSSIAN.
C to 3
Triumphant, tliou thro' Time's vaft.gulf ihalt faif y
The pilot of our literary whale ;
Clofe to the claftic Rambler, {halt thou cling,
Ciofe, as a fupple courtier to a king !
Fate fnall not {hake thee off, with all .its pow'r,
Stuck, like a bat, to fome old ivy'd tow'r.
J^ay, though thy Johnfon ne'er had blefs'd thy eyes,
Paoli's deeds had' rais'd thee to the skies !
Yes ! his broad wing had rais'd tiiee, (no bad hack)
A torn-tit, twitt'fing on an eagle's back.
Thou, curious fcrapmonger, (halt live, in fong,
When Death has (HUM the rattle of thy tongue ;
Ev'n future babes to lifp thy name {hall learn,
.And Bozzy join, with Wood and Tommy Hearn,
Who drove the fpiders from much profe and rhyme,
And fnatch'd old ftories from the jaws of Time*
-Sweet is thy page*, I ween, that doth recite,
How thou and Johnfon, arm and arm, one night,
March' d thro' fair Edinburgh's Paftolian {how'rs,
While Cloacina bountifully pours ;
Thofe gracious fiiow'rs, that, ifraught with fragrance
flow,
And gild, Hke gingerbread, the world ^below.'^
How fweetly grumbled, too, was Sam's remark,
I fmell you, 'mailer Bozzy, in the dark,'
X Alas ! hiflorians are confounded dull,
A dim Boeotia reigns in ev'ry skull ;
Mere beads of burden, broken-winded, flow,
Heavy, as dromedaries, on they go ;
Whilft thon, a Will-o'-wifp, art here, art there,
Wild darting corufcations ev'ry where*
Wlmt tfiftelefs mouth can gape, what eye can clofc,
What head can nod, o'er thy enliv'ning^profe ?
To other's works, the works of thy inditing
Are downright df -monds, to the eyes of Whiting*
* Vide pare rj.
[ i<Ji 3
Think not I flatter thee, my flippant friend ;
For well I know, that flatt'ry would offend:
Yet honed praife, I'm fure, thon would' ft not fluna,
Born with a ftomach to diged a tun !
Who c&n refufe a fmile, that reads thy page,
Adhere furiy Sam, enflam'd with Tory rage,
Nfiflhu be-fcouiidrels, 2nd with an anger big,
Swears, Whigs are r agues, and cv'ry rogue a fifing*
Who will not, too, thy pen's winuta biefs,
That gives poilerity the Rambler's * drefs?
Mjthinks I view his full, plain fuit of brown,
The large, grey, bufhy wig, that grac'd his crawn ;
Black worded '(lockings, little filver buckles,
And fhirt, that had no ruffles for his knuckles.
I mark the brown great-coat of cloth he wore,
That two huge Patagonian pockets bore,
Which Patago'nians (Vond'rous to unfold!)
Would fairly both his Dictionaries hold.
I fee the Rambler, f on a large bay mare,
Juft like a Centaur, ev'ry danger dare ;
On a full gallop, dafli the yielding wind;
The colt and Bozzy fcamp'ring dole behind,
Of Lady Lochbuy, \vitli what glee, we reaJ,
Vv'ho ofiei'd Sana, for breakfail, cold fheep', 1 . head 1 ,
Who, .prefs"d and vrony'd by this dame ib dvii,
Wiih'd the ftieep's head, and womaifs, at the Devil,
I fee you failing both in Buchan's, f I pot-
Now Rorming an old woman 5 and her cot.
Who, terrify" d at .each tremendous ihapc,
Deein'd you two demons, ready for a rspe.
I fee all marv'l.ing at M'Leod's together.
On Sam's 'remarks ^* on whey, and tanning leather,
A Corrichtuachirfs, if the Lord knows how,
i fee thee, Bozzy, drunk as David's low,
9- t P* S7<^. P. Atr. f|
[ i<5 3
And begging, with rais'd eyes and lengthened
Heav'n not to damn thee, for the deadly fin.
I fee, too, the Hern moralift regale,
And pen a Latin ode, to Mrs. Thrale. *
I fee, without a night-cap on his head,
Rare fight! bald Sam, in the Pretender's f bed.
I hear (what's wonderful!) unfought by ftudyings,
His clafiic differtation upon pudding.
Of Prcvoft Jopp, f-l- I mark the marv'ling face,
ft Jo
Who gave the Rambler's freedom with a grace.
I fee too, trav'ling from the Ifle of Egg, %
The humble fervant of a horfe's leg ;
And Snip, the Taylor, from the Ifle of Muck, fit
Who ftitch'd in Sky, with tolerable luck.
I fee the horn, that drunkards muft adore ;
The horn, the mighty horn of Rorie More;
And bloody fliields, that guarded hearts in quarrels,
Now guard, from rats, the milk and butter barrels*
Methhiks, the Caledonian dame I fee,
Familiar fitting on the Rambler's knee,
Charming, with kifles fweet, the chuckling fage;
Malting, with fweeteft fmiles, the froft .of age ;
Like Sol, who darts, at times, a chearful ray,
O'er the wan vifage of a winter's day.
" Do it again, my dear," (I hear Sam cry)
" See, who firfc tires, (my charmer!) you or I."
I fee thee fluffing, with a hand uncouth,
An old dry'd whiting in thy Johnfon's mouth ;
And lo! I 'fee, with all his might and main,
Thy Johnfon fpit the whiting out again.
Rare anecdotes ! 'tis anecdotes like thefe,
That bring thee glory, and the million pleafe !
On thefe, {hail future times, delighted, (tare,
Thou charming haberdalher of fmall ware <
* P. ii?. ** I>. 275.
t P. 216. S A BUckfmWfc
P. 440. t-ft P. a?5.
-If P. 30, ^ P. 24-
C 163 ]
Stewart and Robertfon, from tbee* fhall learn,
The fimple charms of HifFry to difcern :
To thee, fair Hift'ry's palm, ihall Livy yield !
And Tacitus, t Bozzy, leave the field!
Toe Miller's felf, whofe page fuch fun provokes,
'Shall quit his (hroud, to grin at Bozzy' s jokes!
How are we all with rapture touch'd, to fee,
Where i when, and at w ! bat bour, you fwallow'd tea /
How, once, to grace this Afiatic treat,
Came haddocks, which the Rambler could not eatt
Pleas'd, on thy book thy Sovereign's eye-bails roll,
Who loves a goffip's ftory, from his foul !
Bleft with the mem'ry of the Perfian king, *
HE, ev^ry body knows, and r/ry thing ;
Who's dead, who's mnrry'd, what poor girl beguil'd,
Hath loft a paramour, and found a child ;
Which gard'ner hath moil cabbages and peas,
And which old woman hath mofi hives of bees ;
Which farmer boafts the mo ft prolific fows,
Cocks, hens, geefe, turkies, goats, iheep, bulls and cows ;
Which barber, bed, the ladies locks can curl ;
Which houfe, in Windfor, fells the fined purl;
Which chimney-fweep, beft beats, in gold array,
His brufh, and {hovel, on the firft of May ;
Whofe dancing dogs, in rigadoons, excel ;
And whofe the puppet-fhow, that bears the bell ;
Which clever fmitn, the pretieit man-trap f makefi,
To fave, from thieves, the royal ducks and drakes ;
The Guinea-hens and peacocks with their eggs ;
And catch his loving fubjefts, by the legs.
Oh ! fmce the PRINCE OF GOSSIPS rends thy book,
To what high honors may not Bozzy look !
The fun-fhine of his fmile may foon be thine
Perchance, in converfe thou may" ft hear him iliine:
P 2
* Xerxes.
t His M y hath planted a number of thefe truf:v g^r
dians around his park at Windfor, for the benefit of the pub
lic.
C 164 ] (
Perchance, to ftamp thy merit through the nation^
He .begs, of Johnfon's life, thy Dedication:
Asks queilions * of thee, O tliou lucky elf.
And kindly anfwers evVy one, bimfelf.
Blefl with the claffic learning f of a college,
Our K g is not a nrifer, of his knowledge:
Nought, in the ftore-houfe of his brain, turns mufly:
No razor-wit, for want of ufe, grows nifty.
Whatever his head fuggefls, whatever he knows,
Free, as ele6tion-beer from tubs, it 'flows!
Yet, ah! fupcrior tar! it boafts the merit,
Of never fuddling people, with the fpirit !
Say, Bozzy, when, to blefs our anxious fight,
When fhall thy volume burfl the gates of light?
Oh ! cloath'd in calf, ambitious brat, be born";
Our kitchens, parlours, libraries, adorn!
My fancy's keen, anticipating eye
A thoufand charming anecdotes can fpy:
I read, I read of G ge, the learn'd % difplay
On LOUTH'S and WARBURTON'S immortal fray <
Of G -ge, whole brain, if right the mark I hie.
Forms one huge Cyclopaedia of wit ;
* Juft after Dr. Johnfon had been honored with an inter"
view with a certain great perfonage, in the Queen's library at
Buckingham Houfe, he was iiitferrogated by a friend, concern
ing his reception, arui his opinion of the r - .y~l intellec't. His
M y fecius to be po(Te(Ied of much good-nature, and much
curiofity (replied the Doctor) as for his it is far from con
temptible. HiSivi y iuaccci was multifarious in his qnejlion ;
bur, thank God, he anfwcrcd them all himfelf.
f This is a very extraordinary circumftance, as the late P s
D r retained three parts of the money ordered for the e-
di-.cniion of her children. Tie effect of this abfurd conduTc
was fo confpicuous in her d lighter M A, that the letter?,
received from her, during her refidence in Denmark, were
iibiblutely unintelligible.
The life of Dr. Johnfon.
.,.* His IVI y's commentary on that quarrel, in which the
i'u'iroV and the D'OCTOR pelted one the other with dirt fo grace-
/,/// r , will be a treafurc to the lovers of l'.\."i .ruro ! Mr. B. hath
us good as promifed it to the P^BJUC, ua;, ,/c hap^j means t^-
.kcep his word.
[ 165 3
That holds the wifdom of a thoufand ages,
And frightens all his workmen and his pages I
O Bozzy, dill thy tell-tale plan purfue:
The world is wond'rous fond of fomethirig new:
And, let but Scandal's breath embalm the page,
It lives, a welcome gu eft, from age to age.
Not only fay, who breathes an arrant knave,
But who hath fneak'd, a rafcal, to his grave :
Make o'er his turf (in virtue's caufe) a rout,
And, like a dmffd good Cbriflian; pull him out.
Without a fear, on families harangue ;
Say, who (hail lofe their ears, and who fiiall hang;
Publifh the demireps, and punks nay more,
Declare, what virtuous wife will be a w -re.
Thy brilliant brain, eonjeftufe can fupply,
To charm, through ev'ry leaf, the eager eye-
The BLUE-STOCKING * fociety defe
And give thy comment on e: - M . . :
Tell, what the women are, their .
And dip them iri thy iireajns of imfaoi
Let Lord M' Donald threat, thy breech to kick, f
And, o'er thy (hrinking moulders, ihake his '*i-:^ -
Treat, with contempt, the menace of elii.i Loi .
'Tis Hift'ry's province, Bozzy, to re^or-J,
Though V/ilkes abufelhy brain, that airy mi]!.
And (wear poor Jobnfon murder d by thy q.:: : ;
What's that to thee? Why, let the vi&iiu piee.w -
Thy end is anfvver'd, if the nation read;
The fiddling Knight, and -tuneful Mrs. Thr'ate,
V/ho frequent itched or nobtfd with Sail) hi ale,
* A club, moftly compofed of lf-nrned laJies, t-. -.Viiicli Mr.
B, was admitted.
t A letter oi* fevere remonflrance was fcrt to I\Ir, B,.who, in
confeqiience, omitted, in the fccond edition of his jourr.v,
what is fo generally pleafing to the public, viz. the fcati^ih^
$ff/tige<, relative to this nobleman.
<3 Sir John Hawkins., who (as well as Mrs. Thrn'!e ;
dain Piozzi) threatens us wi;h the iitc oi the iat^ i
pher,-
Snatch up the pen (as third of fame infpires)
To write his jokes and ftories, by the>; fire* :
Then why not TIIOU, each joke and tale enrol, ^
Who, like a watchful cat, before a hole,
Full twenty years (inflam'd with letterd pride)
Did'ft moufmg fit, before SAM'S mouth fo wide,
To catch as many fcraps, as thou vvert able
A very Lir//rus at the rich man's table?
What, though again ft thee Porters * bounce the door.
And bid thee hunt for fecret-s there no more,
*i pen and ink fo ready at thy coat,
Exdfeman-like, each fy liable to note,
That giv'n to Printcrs'-devils, (a. precious load !}
On wings of print, comes flying all abroad?
Watch then the venal valets fmack the maids;
And try, with gold, to make them rogues and jades -
Yet mould their honefty thy bribes refent;
Fiy to thy fertile genius, and invent :
Like old Voltaire, who placed his greateft glory,
In cooking up an entertaining ftory;
Who laugh'd at Truth, whene'er her fnnp'c ttifigue
V/ouid ihatcli amufeaic; nig.
Oh! whilft, an. id the anecdotic n
Thou Lib'reft hard, to bid thy J'^o {hire.
Run to Holt Court, f exert thy cu.fu.-iikc fouf,
n leaves, from hole to hole:
Fin; e eat and drank, and cougvfd and fnce?;M : -
Let nil his motions in thy book be fqueez'd :
On tales, however flran^e, impofe thy claw;
ambet lick up C\M-\ (I
a treat;,
For all, that breathes of j'ohnfon, n&ft be great!
literally true Nr
C 167 ]
Bleft be thy labors, mod adventurous Bozzy,
Bold rival of Sir John, and dame Piozzi!
Heav'ns! with what laurels (hall thy head be crown' d !'
A grove, a fore ft ^ fhall thy ears (urround !
i Yes ! whilft the Rambler ihall- a Comet blaze,
And gild a world of darknefs with his rays,
THEE too, that world, with wonderment, Ihall hail,
A lively, bouncing CRACKER at his tail 1
P S T S CRIP
A
. S Mr, Bos WELL'S journal has afforded fuch univer -
fal pleafure, by the relation of minute incidents, and the
great Moralift's opinion of men and things, during his
northern tour; it will be adding greatly to the anecdoti-
eal treafury, as well as making Mr, B. happy, to com
municate pnrt of a Dialogue, that took place between
Dr. Johnfon and the 'Author of tin's Congratulatory E-
piftle, a few months before the Doftor paid the great
debt of Nature. The Do&or was very chearful, that
day ; hud on a black coat and waidcoar, a black plulh
pair of breeches, and black v/orfkd (lockings, a hand-
fo:nc grey wig, a (liirr, a nraflin ncckcloih, a black pair
of buttons in his fhirt-ileeves, a pair of Ihoc-s, ornament
ed with the very identical little buckles, that accompa
nied the philofopher t les ; his nails were
very neatly pared, and hh c j (h lhavcd, with a
r-a^o,. -tl by the in Mr. Savi.
/>. P. (i Pray, ! r opinion of Mr,
: lituury powers v"'
teraturc be feems ftrongly affefted by the cacoettie*-
fcribendi > wiihes to be thought a rara avis; and, in
truth, fo he is your -knowledge in ornithology, Sir,
will eafily difeover, to what fpecies of bird I allude.."
{Here the De&or Jhook- bis bcad^ and laughed^
P. P, "What think you, Sir, of his account of Cor-
fica? Of Ins ckara&er of Paoli V"
Jobnfon.- " Sir, he hath made a mountain of a wart.
But Paoli has virtues. The account is a farrago of dif-
gulling egotifm, and pompous -inanity,
P. P. " I have heard it whifpered, Doftor, that,
fhould you die before him, Mr. B. means to write your
life,"
Johr.fon* " Si?, he cannot mean ine fo irreparable
,nr> injury. Which of us lhall die firft, is only known to
the (ircar Difpofer of Events: but were I Cure, that
< Boiwel! \vou!d write my life, I do -HOC know,
her ! would not anticipate die mt"fv:re, by taking
/.$." \Here be made three or four ft ride; acrojs the
rt)i ./, anil returned to bis chair ^ with violent emotion*~\
P.P. ** I am- nnukl, that he means to do yo'a the
favor,
^obnjon* " Tic dares notlie wouki make a fcare-'
cjow o(' me, 1 give l.iin liberty -to lire hir WiTilderbtifs
\\\ Its (>\<;n iu?"c, but not to murder me. Slr 9 i heed IJG':
his }>o:-". s /. r -:LL \vrite ///v liici Why, the fi,hlcw'
j'-orfrfR s not r;,VI:;tu.S5 for w-r-itiii^,; the life or' znEfb-ewe-
B O Z Z Y AND P I Z Z I;
R IT 1 S H BIOGRAPHERS.
A PAIR OF
TOWN ECLOGUES.
,t cant are par cs y e$ rcffdn^ere par at f
THE' A R G U ME'NT,"
O
_ ' N the death of DOCTOR JOHNSON, a number of
people, ambitious of being diftinguijbed from the mute
*part of their fpectes, fat about relating and -printing
Stories, and Bon Mots, of this celebrated woralift.
Among the moft zealous, though not the moil enlight
ened, appeared Mr. BOSWELL and MADAME PIOZZI, the
HERO and HEROINE of our ECLOGUES. They are fup-
pofed to have in contemplation the LIFE of JOHNSON ;
#nd, to prove their biographical abilities, appeal to
SIR JOHN HAWKINS, for hh decifion on their refpeftive
merits, by quotations from their printed anecdotes of
the DOCTOR. SIR JoH'N bean them, with uncommon
patience ; and determines very properly,, on the preten-
fi<ins of the contending parties,
B O Z Z Y AND P I O Z Z /-I.
A PAIR OF
TOWN ECLOGUES,
HEN Johnfon fought (as Shakefpeare fay:;) th
From whence, alas-! no travellers return i
In -humbler Englifh, when the Doclor dy'd>
Apoilo vvhimper'-d, and the Mules cry MS
-ParnafTas mop'd for days, in bus'nefs flack,
And, like a hearfe, the hill was hung with black.
Minerva, fighing for her fav'rite fon f
Pronounc'd, with lengthened face, the world undone,
Her owl, too, hooted in ib loud a Irllc,
That people might have heard the bird, a mile:
love wip'd his eyes, fo red, and told his wife,
lie ne'er made Johnfon's equal, in his life;
And that 'twould be a long time firft, if ever,
Mis art could form a fellow, half fo clever:
VENUS, of all the little loves the Dam,
With all the graces, fobb'd for brother Sam :
Such were the heav'nly bowlings for his death.
As if Dame Nature had refignM her breath.
Nor lefs fonorous was the grief, I ween,
Amidd the natives of our earthly fceue:
From beggars, to the Great who hold the helm,
One Johnfon-mania rag'd through all the realm!
t; Wkoi (cry'd the world) can match bTs profe or rhyme f
O'er wits of modem days, be tow'rs fublime .'
An oak, wide fpreading o'er the Ihriibs below,
That round, the roots, with puny foliage, blow :
A pyramid, amidfc fome barren wade,
That frowns o'er huts, the fport of ev'ry blad:
A mighty Atlas, whofe afpiring head,
O'er didant regions, cads an awful (hade.
By kings, and vagabonds, his tales are told,
And ev'ry fentence glows, a grain of Gold!
Bled ! who his philofophic phiz can take,
Catch ev'n his weakneffes his noddle's (hake,
The lengthened lip of fcorn, the forehend's fcowl,
The low'riag eye's contempt, -r.nd bear-like growl!
In vain, the critics vent their toothlefs rage!
Mere fprnts, that venture, war with whales to wage !
Uamov'd he (lands, and reels their force, no more,
Than fome huge rock, amidft the wat'ry roar,
That calmly bears the tumults of the deep,
And howling tempefls, that jis well might ileep.
Strong, 'mid ft the Rambler's cronies, was the raga
To fill, with Sam's bon mots and tales, the page :
Mere flies, that buzz'd around his fetting ray,
And bore a fpiendor, on their wings, away:
Thus round his orb, the pigmy planets run,
And catch their little luftre from the Sun.
At length, rufli'd forth two Candidates for fame,
A Scotchman, one ; and one, a London Dame :
Tbaf) by th' emphatic Johnfon, chrideird Bozzy;
Thi\, by the bi (hop's licence, Dame Piozzi;
Whofe widow'd name, by topers lov'd, was
Bright in the annals of de/5tiou ale:
C i?i ]
A name, by marriage, that gave up the gholt!
In poor PEDOCCHIO, * no! PIOZZI, loil!
Each feiz'd, with ardor wild, the grey goofe-quill:
Each fat, to work the intellectual mill,
That pecks of bran, fo coarfe, began to pour,
To one final! folitary grain of flour.
Forth rulh'd to light, their books but who fhould fay,
WHICH bore the palm of anecdote away?
This to decide, the rival wits agreed,
Before Sir John, their tales and jokes to read,
And let the Knight's opinion in the ftrife,
Declare the prop'refl pen, to write Sam's life.
Sir John, renown' d for mufical f palavers
The Prince, the King, the Emperor of Quavers !
Sharp in folfeggi, as the iharpefl needle ;
Great in the noble art of tweedle-tweedlc;
Of Mufic's College, form'd to be a Fellow,
Fit for Mus. D. or MAESTRO DE CAPELLA ;
Whofe Volume, though it here and there offends,
Boalls German merit makes by bulk^ amends.
Superior, frowning o'er oftavo wits,
High plac'd, the venerable quarto fics ;
And duodecimos, ignoble fcuinl
Poor proftitutes to ev'ry vuU n- thumb !
Whi HI, undefil'd, by literary rage,
ME bears a fpotlefs leafr from age to age.
Like fchool-boys, lo ! before a two-ar;i'd chair,
That held the KNIGHT, wife judging, flood the PAIR;
Or like two ponies on the (porting ground,
Prepared to gallop, when the drum Ihould found ;
The COUPLE rang'd for vicYry, both, as keen,
As for a tott'ring biihoprick, a dean,
Or Patriot Burke, for giving glorious ballings
To that intolerable fellow, Bailings.
* The author was near committing a blunder fortunate in
deed was his recollection ; as Pedoccbio fignifies in the Icalian
language, that moft contemptible of all animals, a LOUSE,
t Vid. his Hiftory of Mufic.
C 174 ]
Thus with their fongs, contended Virgil's Swains,
And made the vallies vocal with their (trains,
Before fome grey-beard fwain, whofe judgment ripe
Gave goats for prizes, to the preitieft pipe.
" Alternately, in anecdotes, go on;