the burnings of sin, and we are the more afraid of
the fire; we have just escaped the paw of the lion
and the jaw of the bear, and, having the fear of
these before our eyes, we walk very near to the
Shepherd. Bear witness, ye saints of God, to the
holy dew of your youth, for which, alas ! you now
mourn. Can ye not remember how ye walked
with God, how calm was your frame, how heavenly
your spirit ! Ye never saw the face of man when
ye left your chambers till ye had seen the face of
God ; nor did ye shut your eyes in slumber on
your beds till ye had first commended your spirit
to your Father in heaven. How artless was your
simplicity ! how fervid your prayerfulriess ! how
watchful your daily behaviour ! What a marvel
lous tenderness of conscience characterised you !
you trembled to put one foot before the other, lest
you should offend your God ; you avoided the very
appearance of evil ; - you were moved by the faint
est whispers of duty ; and all the while what a
quiet state of repose your soul did swim in, and how
188 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOUB.
pleasantly did you commune with heaven ! Grace
had planted an Eden around you, where you
walked with Jehovah amid the trees of the garden.
You were like Daniel by the river Ulai THE MAN S
hand was on your shoulder, and his voice called
you, " Man, greatly beloved." You drank out of
your Master s cup, and fed out of his hand, like the
poor man s ewe lamb in Nathan s parable. Your
eyes were up unto Him, as the eyes of handmaidens
to their mistresses ; nor could you afford the vain,
harlot world so much as an instant s gaze. In the
religious shows of old times they were wont to re
present Meditation as a fair maiden, with her eyes
fixed upon a book which she was intently studying ;
around her they placed young boys, dressed as
fairies, demons, or harlequins, who, with their
dancing, tricks, jokes, or frightful howlings, sought
to divert her from her reading ; but she, nothing
moved, still continued wholly occupied therewith :
now such were we at the young spring-time of our
piety, when we were first consecrated to the Lamb.
We were wholly engrossed with Jesus, and nothing
could draw us from him. His name was the sum
of all music ; his person the perfection of all beauty ;
his character the epitome of all virtue ; himself the
total sum of the riches, the glory, the love of an
entire universe. " One sweet draught, one drop of
the wine of consolation from the hand of Jesus, had
made our stomachs loathe the brown bread and the
JOT AT CONVERSION. 189
sour drink of this miserable life." * We were
wholly lost in admiring him, and could only ask,
" Who knoweth how far it is to the bottom of our
Christ s fulness ? who ever weighed Christ in
scales?" or, "who hath seen the heights, and depths,
and lengths, and breadths of his surpassing love ?"
Here is one grand secret of our greater flight of
joy at that time we had then more wing than now,
for we had more communion with God. We were
living on high, while men lay grovelling below ;
we were above the storms and tempests then, for
we had entered into the secret place of the taber
nacles of the Most High. We bathed our brow in
the sunlight of an unclouded sky, standing on an
eminence, up whose lofty sides the clouds knew not
how to climb. Did we live nearer to our Lord
now, we should beyond a doubt enjoy far more of
the cream of life, and know. less of its wormwood.
We cannot expect to have the same enjoyment
unless we be occupied in the same employment.
He who goes away from the fire should not ask
many times why he does not feel the same heat.
The young convert is in a holy frame he is most
sure to be in a happy one. Distance from God is
the source of the major part of our doubts, fears,
and anxieties ; live nearer to him, and we shall be
all the further from the world, the flesh, and the
* Rutherford.
190 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOUR.
devil, and so we shall be less molested by them.
"We cannot make the sun shine, but we can remove
from that which may cast a shadow on us. Re
move then thy sins, O weak believer, and thou
mayest hope to see Him yet again !
5. Immediately after conversion we are emi
nently careful to use all the means of grace, and
therefore we derive more comfort from them than
in after years, when we are more negligent of them.
The young convert is to be seen at every prayer
meeting, early or late ; every religious service,
even though it be at a considerable distance, finds
him as an attendant ; the Bible is seldom closed,
and the season for private devotion is never
neglected. In after days any excuse will enable us
to be absent from Divine service with an easy
conscience ; but then it would have been a high
crime and misdemeanour to have been absent at
any available opportunity. Hence the soul, feed
ing much on heavenly food, waxeth fat, and
knoweth nothing of the sorrows of the hungry one
who neglects the royal table. The young footman
on the heavenly race exerts all his strength to win
the race, and his progress is thus far greater at first
than afterwards, when his breath a little fails him,
or the natural slothfulness of the flesh induces him
to slacken his pace. Would to God we could
maintain the speed of our youth ! we should then
retain its comforts. We have met with some few
JOY AT CONVERSION. 191
of the eminently holy who have enjoyed a con
tinual feast ever since the day of their espousals ;
but these were men who were constantly fervent in
spirit, serving their Lord with a diligent heart.
"Why should it not be so with many more of us ?
John Bunyan hath well written, "You that are
old professors, take you heed that the young strip
lings of Jesus, that began to strip but the other day,
do not outrun you, so as to have that Scripture ful
filled on you, The last shall be first, and the first
last, which will be a shame to you and a credit to
them."* Oh ! that we were as obedient now as we
were then to the voice of the Word from heaven,
then would that voice be more sweet to our ears,
and the face of heaven would not be so full of
frowns. " The soul of the diligent shall be made
fat," is true in spiritual matters equally with tem
poral. " Give diligence to make your calling and
election sure , for if ye do these things, ye shall
never fall, for so an entrance shall be administered
to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of
our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." He that
would be rich must still continue his heed to his
flocks and his herds. It is not one venture which
maketh the soul rich ; it is continued perseverance
in the business of salvation. None but lively,
active Christians can expect to feel those ravishing
* Heavenly Footman.
192 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOTJK.
joys, sweet comforts, and blessed delights which
follow at the heels of a healthy soul. Stagnant
water never sparkles in the sun it is the flowing
brook which shines like a vein of silver : set thy
grace at work, and thy joys shall marvellously
increase. If our bucket be empty, we had better
ask ourselves whether it might not be full again
were it sent down into the well. Truly, a neglect
of means robs us of much consolation.
6. Novelty no doubt had some hand in the sin
gular feelings of that joyous season. As an emi
nent saint says, " They were new things, where
withal I was utterly unacquainted before, and this
made them the more affecting." We have all felt
the great exciting powder of novelty in everyday-
life, and the same influence exerts itself upon the
inner life of the soul. At first, pardon, adoption,
acceptance, and the kindred blessings, are new
things, and, besides their own value, have the
brightness of newly-minded mercies to recommend
them to our notice. Prayer, praise, meditation,
and hearing are fresh exercises ; and, like a horse
just brought to his labour, we are in haste to be
engaged in them. " In the morning of life, before
its wearisome journey, the youthful soul doth ex
pand in the simple luxury of being it hath not
contracted its wishes nor set a limit to its hopes."
The morning sun is shining on the yet glistening
hedgerows, and the dewdrops are all pearls ; the
JOY AT CONVERSION. 193
smoke of earth hath not yet darkened the skies,
and they are one pure firmament of azure. There
is more than a little of the Athenian in every man ;
there is not one of us who is not charmed by some
thing which has but lately come to the light of
observation. True, we shall find the glories of the
cross as marvellous in after years as they are now,
but now they are so startling to us that we cannot
but feel astonishment and wonder. As he who after
a life of blindness at the first sight of the stars would
naturally lift up his hands in amazement, so doth
the man from whose spiritual eye the film hath
been removed, exult in his first vision of the hea
venly gifts of God. Never is the rose more lovely
than in its bud ; so grace is never more graceful
than in its beginnings. The young lambs frisk in
the fields they will assume a steadier gait when
they become " the sheep of the pasture;" but till
then let them show their joy, for it is the necessary
consequence of their new-created being.
7. We are inclined to believe that the most com
mon cause is the fact that, at first conversion, the
soul relies more simply upon Christ, and looks more
attentively at him than it does in after days, when
evidences, good works, and graces, become more
an object of regard than the person of Jesus. When
the glorious Redeemer finds us lost and ruined in
the fall when he makes us deeply conscious of
that ruin then we take him, and him alone, for
9
194: THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOTTK.
our treasure ; but in future years he gives to us
sundry rings, jewels, and ornaments, as love-tokens
and we most foolishly set our eyes more upon
these than upon the Giver, and consequently lose
much of the cheering effect of a constant view of
the Saviour. At the first time of love we are too
weak to venture on our own feet, but cling with
both our arms around the neck of Jesus ; there we
find an easy carriage, which we lose when our
overweening pride constrains him to set us on the
ground to run alone. He who hath a speck in the
eye of his faith, obscuring his vision of the Saviour,
will find much pain resulting therefrom. That
which removes us from the simplicity of our faith
in Christ, although it be in itself most excellent, yet
to us becomes a curse. Many of us might be wil
ling to renounce all our experience, our graces, and
our evidences, if we might but return to the former
childlike faith of our spiritual infancy. To lie
quietly afloat on the stream of free grace is the
very glory of existence, the perfection of earthly
happiness.
ISTo seat is so pleasant as that which is beneath
the shadow of Jesus. We may fetch our spices
from afar, but they shall yield no such fragrance as
that which is shed from the robes of the all-glorious
Emmanuel, of whom it is written, " All thy gar
ments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia."
Whatsoever spiritual joy we have which springs
JOT AT CONVERSION. 195
not from Christ as the Fountain, we shall find it
sooner or later bitter to our taste. The young con
vert is happy because he drinks only from Jesus,
and is yet too full of infirmity to attempt the hew
ing of a cistern for himself.
If we be unfaithful to Christ, we must not ex
pect many of his smiles. It matters little what is
the object of our delight, be it never so lovely, if
it become a rival of Jesus, he is grieved thereby,
and makes us mourn his absence. " When we
make creatures, or creature-comforts, or anything
whatever but what we receive by the Spirit of
Christ, to be our joy and our delight, we are false
to Christ."* He gave himself wholly for us, and
he thinks it ill that will not give him sole posses
sion of our heart. Jesus, like his Father, is a jea
lous God he will not brook a rival. He will have
us rejoice only in His love, hearken only to His
voice, and keep our eyes constantly on him, and
him only. Beyond a doubt, were we in constant
fellowship with our loving Redeemer, we might
always retain a measure, if not the entire fulness,
of our early joy ; and did we labour to improve in
our acquaintance with him, and our devotion to
him, our joy might possibly increase to an indefi
nite degree, until our tabernacle on earth would be
like a house built upon the wall of heaven, or at
* Owen.
196 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOUR.
least in the suburbs of the city of God. It is no
wonder that so many lose their first joy when we
remember how many lose their first love. " It may
be," saith a holy Puritan to the doubting soul, " it
may be, if thou hadst minded and endeavoured
more after community with God and conformity to
God, thou mightest at this time have looked up
ward, and seen God in Christ smiling upon thee,
and have looked inward into thy soul, and seen
the Spirit of grace witnessing to thy spirit that
thou wert a son, an heir, an heir of God, and a
joint-heir with Christ. But thou hast minded more
thine own comfort than Christ s honour ; thou hast
minded the blossoms and the fruit more than
Christ, the Koot ; thou hast minded the springs of
comfort more than Christ, the Fountain of life ;
thou hast minded the beams of the sun more than
the Sun of righteousness : and, therefore, it is a
righteous thing with God to leave thee to walk in
a valley of darkness, to hide his face from thee,
and to seem to be as an enemy to thee." Let us
labour then to keep our eye single, so shall our
whole body be full of light light cheering and de
lightful beyond what we can even dream. It is
quite impossible to define the limit of the happi
ness mortals may experience in the condescending
company of a gracious Saviour ; let us each seek
to soar into the loftiest air, that we may prove what
is the joy unspeakable and full of glory. Certain
JOT AT CONVERSION. 197
it is that faith is the golden pipe which conducts
the living waters of the mount of God to the pil
grim sons of Jehovah. Let us keep the course un
obstructed, and we may hope to drink deep
draughts of true delight.
It cannot be supposed that we have enumerated
more than a small proportion of the causes of this
spiritual phenomenon ; the rest lie beyond the
writer s limited experience, or do not at this mo
ment suggest themselves. These, perhaps, are the
most frequent, and consequently the most appa
rent.
Should we have a reader who has lost his first
love, it may be he will, by these suggestions, be
able to detect the secret robber who has stolen his
substance. If so, we beseech him, as he loves his
own soul, to be in earnest to remedy the evil by
driving out the insidious enemy. O spirit of God,
restore unto us each " the years which the locust
lias eaten !"
II. We shall now endeavour to discover the
designs of our heavenly Father in thus favouring
us on that happy day of conversion. These are
many, and most of them unknown : we must,
therefore, be content to behold some of them ;
and may the contemplation excite wonder, grati
tude, and love.
1. Doubtless our Lord would have us ever remern-
198 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOUK.
"her that day, and regard it with an especial interest ;
therefore did he crown it with loving kindness and
tender mercies. It was a birth-day he distin
guished it with festivities ; it was a marriage-day
he celebrated it with music ; it w T as a resurrec
tion he did attend it with joyful sound of trum
pet. He illuminated that page of our biography
that we might refer to it with ease. It was a high
da} 7 , and he made it high in our esteem by the
marvellous grace which he displayed towards us.
At the signing of Magna Charta, if on no other
occasion, the king and his courtiers w r ould array
themselves in all their dazzling robes and glitter
ing jewels ; surely it is not unbecoming even in the
majesty of heaven to reveal something of its glo
ries when making peace with rebels. The black
cap is but the fitting accompaniment of the sen
tence of death ; why should it be thought unseemly
that garments of praise should fye displayed on the
day of acquittal ? In heaven there is held a solemn
festival when heirs of glory are begotten, and the
heart of Jesus rejoices over the recovery of his lost
sheep : we need not wonder that the cause of such
sublime delights is himself made a sharer in them.
Men strike medals to commemorate great national
successes ; should it be considered a strange thing
that Jesus giveth tokens to his people in the day
of their salvation ? We are but too little mindful of
the benefits of the Lord ; he doth therefore mark
JOY AT CONVERSION. 199
this day of the calendar in golden letters, that we
may be compelled to remembrance.
It can never happen to us again : we are regen
erated for all saved in a moment from sin and its
consequences ; it is meet that we should make
merry and be glad, for the dead are alive, and the
lost are found. The peace has just now been wel
comed with illuminations and with national festivi
ties ; shall the eternal peace between heaven and
the soul be unattended with rejoicings ? The
greater the occasion, the more proper is its remem
brance and what can be a happier event to us
than our salvation ? therefore let it be had in per
petual remembrance, and let " all kinds of music "
unite to sound its praise. Some among us honour
the anniversary of the building of the house of the
Lord ; but far more do we delight in the returning
day which saw us placed as living stones in the tem
ple of Jesus. Bless the Lord, O our souls, who hath
forgiven all our iniquities and healed all our diseases !
2. Our wise and loving Lord graciously designed
to give us something which might in all after trials
1e a sweet staying to the soul when a present sense
of his love should be absent. How often have we
been enabled to recover confidence in the day of
our infirmity, by remembering " the years of the
right hand of the Most High !"* David, when his
* Ps. Ixxvii. 10.
200 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOUR.
soul refused to be comforted, found it good " to con
sider the days of old," and to rehearse his former
" song in the night." He declares that his " spirit
made diligent search," meaning that he turned
over the register and records of God s former mer
cies, in order that some record, still extant, might
help him in his need. When the heir of heaven is
in doubt as to his inheritance among them that are
sanctified, it affords no small degree of assurance
to be able to turn to the birth-day register, and
read " of Zion it is said this man was born there ;"
this decides the case at once in our favour. In
times of contention, when we " see not our signs,"
we shall find it eminently comfortable to look back
to the consecrated hour which witnessed our ac
ceptance in the beloved, for so shall we again be
able to assure ourselves of our election by a remem
brance of our calling.
"We at times should have had no heart for song
if we had not found our harp already tuned, having"
not yet become unstrung since the hour of high
festivity in the halls of bounty. Some despise
Ebenezers, and talk slightingly of the hope which
issues from them ; but persons can scarcely have
had more than a superficial experience, or they
would have learned far better.
The future would lie for ever in obscurity if we
did not borrow a lamp from the hand of the past
to cheer the gloom, and show where a sure foot-
JOY AT CONVERSION. 201
hold is to be found. This, then, is God s design in
lighting up the hill Mizar of our first conversion,
that it may cast a light, like Malvern s watch-fire,
for many a mile beyond.
A pleasant anecdote is told of Mr. Kidd, once
minister of Queensferry, near Edinburgh. He was
one day very much depressed and discouraged, for
want of that comfort which is produced by simple
faith in Jesus. He therefore sent a note to Mr.
L , the minister of Culross, requesting a visit
from him, that a brother s help might lift him out
of his Slough of Despond. When the servant
arrived at Culross, Mr. L told him that he was
too busy to wait upon his master, but he was
charged to deliver these words to him " Remem
ber Torwood!" The man, like Jonathan s lad,
knew nothing of the matter, but Mr. Kidd under
stood it well, for at Torwood he had received mani
festations of Jesus. Upon being reminded thereof,
his darkness vanished, and he joyfully cried out,
" Yes, Lord ! I will remember Thee, from the hill
Mizar, and from the Hermonites !" It may be that
in periods of gloom and distraction, that place,
that spot of ground where Jesus met with us for the
first time, will prove a very Bethel to our spirits.
Here is wisdom in this day of joy, let him that
knoweth it be thankful.
3. We had suffered so much in the time of con-
motion that ive needed much tenderness, and
9*
202 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOUR.
therefore He gave it to us. There was no small
fear lest we should be swallowed up of sorrow, and
die under the pangs and throes of the new birth,
therefore did he tend us with the carefulness of a
mother, and watch over us with abundant compas
sions. Like a sailor snatched from the deep, we
were ready to perish, and should have expired in
our deliverer s arms had he not used the most com
passionate arts to restore us to life. We were sore
broken and wounded, therefore did he place us in
an infirmary on the hills of Delight, where he
made all our bed in our sickness, poured out his
best wine with bis own hand, fed us with royal
dainties, and all the while did watch us, lest any
should disturb our rest. When we become some
what stronger, he leaves us to share with our fel
low-soldiers in the camp, whose rations are not
quite so full of marrow and fatness.
The wise shepherds said to the pilgrim band,
" Come in, Mr. Feeblemind ; come in, Mr. Eeady-
to-halt; come in, Mr. Despondency and Mrs. Much-
afraid, his daughter." These were called by name
because of their weakness, while the stronger sort
were left to their own liberty. So also at their
feast they made the viands suitable to the condi
tion of the tender ones, " of things easy of diges
tion, and that were pleasant to the palate, and
nourishing." Many of the promises are made spe
cially for the feeble among the Lord s flock, to be
JOY AT CONVERSION. 203
heavenly ambulances for the wounded. When
grace is young, and as yet but a spark, the kind
hand of the Lord preserves it from the rough wind,
and his own warm breath fans it to a flame. He
doth not deliver the soul of his turtle-dove into the
hand of its enemies, but for a while houseth it in
the rock, or carrieth it in his hand. The tender
plant of grace is covered all the day long, watered
every moment, protected from the frost, and fos
tered in the warm air of communion and endear
ing fellowship. It should be accepted as a conclu
sive proof of the wisdom and prudence of our
gracious God, that he sendeth the soft and refresh
ing showers upon the new-mown grass, and in that
blessed manner effaces all the ill effects of the
severe discipline of conviction. " If," says Austin,
" one drop of the joy of the Holy Ghost should fall
into hell, it would swallow up all the torments of
hell ;" assuredly it soon removes all the sadness
produced by pains of repentance.
4. The journey before us was exceeding long,
therefore did he refresh us before he sent us on our
way. Elijah was made to eat once and again be
fore his forty days of travelling so must the spirit
be refreshed before it sets out on its long pilgrim
age. Jesus, in this hour of heaven, drops such
tokens of love into the hands of his children that
in after days the}- may recruit their strength by
looking upon the heavenly earnest. The smiles,
204 THE SAINT AND HIS SAVIOUR.
embraces, and assurances of that hour put spirit
and mettle into the Christian warrior, enabling him
to bid defiance to the stoutest enemies, and brave
the greatest dangers. Before fighting, feasting.
The angels met Jacob at Mahanairn before he heard
of Esau s threatening approach. Paul was caught
up into the third heaven before he was buffeted by
the messenger of Satan. There should be cheering
words at the buckling on of the harness, for they
will all be wanted by-and-by. God filleth the be
liever s bottle full when he starteth, for he hath a
wide desert to traverse, a thirsty heart to carry,
and few wells on the road. Although grace, like
manna, must descend day by day yet comforts,
like the quails, come only at seasons, and we must
gather enough at those times to last us many days.