that a shepherd's mission was to pipe to his
flocks, and that a boatswain's mission was to pipe
all hands, and that one man's mission was to be
a paid piper, and another man's mission was to
pay the piper, so he had got it into his head that
his own peculiar mission was to pipe his eye.
Which he did perpetually.
He often informed Mrs. Todgers that the sun
had set upon him ; that the billows had rolled over
him ; that the Car of Juggernaut had crushed
him ; and also that the deadly Upas tree of
Java had blighted him. His name was Moddle.
Towards this most unhappy Moddle, Miss
Pecksniff conducted herself at first with distant
haughtiness, being in no humour to be enter-
tained with dirges in honour of her married sister.
The poor young gentleman was additionally
crushed by this, and remonstrated with Mrs.
Todgers on the subject.
" Even she turns from me, Mrs. Todgers,"
" Then why don't you try and be a little bit
more cheerful, sir ? " retorted Mrs. Todgers.
"Cheerful, Mrs. Todgers! cheerful!" cried
the youngest gentleman : " when she reminds
me of days for ever fled, Mrs. Todgers ! "
" Then you had better avoid her for a short
time, if she does," said Mrs. Todgers, " and
come to know her again, by degrees. That's my
" But I can't avoid her," replied Moddle. " I
haven't strength of mind to do it. Oh, Mrs.
Todgers, if you knew what a comfort her nose
is to me ! "
" Her nose, sir ! " Mrs. Todgers cried.
" Her profile, in general," said the youngest
gentleman, " but particularly her nose. It's so
like;" here he yielded to a burst of grief;
" it's so like hers who is Another's, Mrs.
Todgers ! "
The observant matron did not fail to report
this conversation to Charity, who laughed at the
time, but treated Mr. Moddle that very evening
with increased consideration, and presented her
side-face to him as much as possible. Mr.
Moddle was not less sentimental than usual ;
was rather more so, if anything ; but he sat and
stared at her with glistening eyes, and seemed
" Well, sir ! " said the lady of the Boarding-
House next day, " you held up your head last
night. You're coming round, I think."
" Only because she's so like her who is
Another's, Mrs. Todgers," rejoined the youth.
" When she talks, and when she smiles, I
think I'm looking on her brow again, Mrs.
This was likewise carried to Charity, who
talked and smiled next evening in her most en-
gaging manner, and rallying Mr. Moddle on the
lowness of his spirits, challenged him to play a
rubber at cribbage. Mr. Moddle taking up the
gauntlet, they played several rubbers for six-
pences, and Charity won them all. This may
have been partially attributable to the gallantry
of the youngest gentleman, but it was certainly
referable to the state of his feelings also ; for
his eyes being frequently dimmed by tears, he
thought that aces were tens, and knaves queens,
which at times occasioned some confusion in his
On the seventh night of cribbage, when Mrs.
Todgers, sitting by, proposed that instead of
gambling they should play for "love," Mr.
Moddle was seen to change colour. On the
fourteenth night, he kissed Miss Pecksniff's
snuffers, in the passage, when she went up-stairs
to bed : meaning to have kissed her hand, but
In short, Mr. Moddle began to be impressed
MARTIN CHUZZLE J I 'IT
with the idea that Miss Pecksniffs mission was
to comfort him ; and Miss Pecksniff began to
speculate on the probability of its being her
mission to become ultimately Mrs. Moddle.
He was a young gentleman (Miss Pecksniff was
not a very young lady) with rising prospects,
and " almost " enough to live on. Really it
looked very well.
Besides â€” besides â€” he had been regarded as
devoted to Merry. Merry had joked about him,
and had once spoken of it to her sister as a
conquest He was better looking, better shaped,
better spoken, better tempered, better mannered
than Jonas. He was easy to manage, could be
made to consult the humours of his Betrothed,
and could be shown off like a lamb when Jonas
was a bear. There was the rub !
In the meantime the cribbage went on, and
Mrs. Todgerswent off; for the youngest gentle-
man dropping her society, began to take Miss
Pecksniff to the play. He also began, as Mrs.
Todgers said, to slip home " in his dinner-
times,'' and to get away from " the office " at
unholy seasons : and twice, as he informed Mrs.
Todgers himself, he received anonymous letters,
inclosing cards from Furniture Warehouses â€”
clearly the act of that ungentlemanly ruffian
Jinkins : only he hadn't evidence enough to call
him out upon. All of which, so Mrs. Todgers
told Miss Pecksniff, spoke as plain English as
the shining sun.
'â€¢ My dear Miss Pecksniff, you may depend
upon it," said Mrs. Todgers. " that he is burning
" My goodness me, why don't he then!" cried
'â– Men are so much more timid than we think
'em, my dear," returned Mrs. Todgers. " They
balk themselves continually. I saw the words
on Todgers's lips for months and months and
months before he said 'em."
Miss Pecksniff submitted that Todgers might
not have been a fair specimen.
" Oh yes he was. Oh bless you, yes my dear.
1 was very particular in those days, I assure
you," said Mrs. Todgers, bridling. "No, no.
You give Mr. Moddle a little encouragement,
Miss Pecksniff, if you wish him to speak; and
he'll speak fast enough. depend upon it."
"I am sure I don't know what encourage
ment he would have, Mrs. Todgers," returned
Charity. "He walks with me, and plays cards
with me, and he comes and sits alone with me."
"Quite right," said Mrs. Todgers. "That's
indispensable, my dear."
" And he sits very close to me."
"Also quite correct," said Mrs. Todgers.
" And he looks at me."
" To be sure he does," said Mrs. Todgers.
"And lie has his arm upon the back of the
(hair or sofa, or whatever it isâ€” behind me,
'â€¢/should think so." said Mrs Todgers.
" And then he begins to cry !"
Mrs. Todgers admitted that he might do bet-
ter than that ; and might undoubtedly profit by
the recollection of the great Lord Nelson's sig-
nal at the battle of Trafalgar. Still, she said,
he would come round, or, not to mince the
matter, would be brought round, if Miss Peck-
sniff took up a decided position, and plainly
showed him that it must be done.
Determining to regulate her conduct by this
opinion, the young lady received Mr. Moddle,
on the earliest subsequent occasion, with an air
of constraint ; and gradually leading him to in-
quire, in a dejected manner, why she was so
changed, confessed to him that she felt it neces-
sary for their mutual peace and happiness to
take a decided step. They had been much
together lately, she observed, much together,
and had tasted the sweets of a genuine recipro-
city of sentiment. She never could forget him,
nor could she ever cease to think of him with
feelings of the liveliest friendship ; but people had
begun to talk, the thing had been observed, and
it was necessary that they should be nothing
more to each other, than any gentleman and
lady in society usually are. She was glad she
had had the resolution to say thus much before
her feelings had been tried too far ; they had
been greatly tried, she would admit ; but though
she was weak and silly, she would soon get the
better of it, she hoped.
Moddle, who had by this time become in the
last degree maudlin, and who wept abundantly,
inferred from the foregoing avowal, that it was
his mission to communicate to others the blight
which had fallen on himself ; and that, being a
kind of unintentional Vampire, he had had Miss
Pecksniff assigned to him by the Fates, as
Victim Number One. Miss Pecksniff contro-
verting this opinion as sinful, Moddle was goaded
on to ask whether she could be contented with
a blighted heart ; and it appearing on further
examination that she could be, plighted his dis-
mal troth, which was accepted and returned.
Fie bore his good fortune with the utmost
moderation. Instead of being triumphant, he
shed more tears than he had ever been known
to shed before : and, sobbing, said :
" Oh, what a day this has been ! I can't go
back to the office this afternoon. Oh, what a
trying day this has been ! Good Gracious !"
MARK TAPLEY AMONG FRIENDS.
FURTHER PROCEEDINGS IN EDEN, AND A PROCEEDING
OUT OF IT. .MARTIN MAKES A DISCOVERY OF SOME
gp^ROM Mr. Moddle to Eden is an
2% easy and natural transition. Mr.
Ul Moddle, living in the atmosphere of
P^ Miss Pecksniff's love, dwelt (if he
gfC" had but known it) in a terrestrial
gj^ 23 ^ Paradise. The thriving city of Eden
was also a terrestrial Paradise, upon the
showing of its proprietors. The beautiful
Miss Pecksniff might have been poetically de-
scribed as a something too good for man in his
fallen and degraded state. That was exactly the
character of the thriving city of Eden, as poeti-
cally heightened by Zephaniah Scadder, General
Choke, and other worthies : part and parcel of
the talons of that great American Eagle, which
is always airing itself sky-high in purest aether,
and never, no never, never, tumbles down, with
draggled wings, into the mud.
When Mark Tapley, leaving Martin in the
architectural and surveying offices, had effectually
strengthened and encouraged his own spirits by
the contemplation of their joint misfortunes, he
proceeded, with new cheerfulness, in search of
help : congratulating himself, as he went along,
on the enviable position to which he had at last
" I used to think, sometimes," said Mr. Tapley,
" as a desolate island would suit me, but I should
only have had myself to provide for there, and
being naturally a easy man to manage, there
wouldn't have been much credit in that. Now
here I've got my partner to take care on, and
he's something like the sort of man for the pur-
pose. I want a man as is always a sliding off
his legs when he ought to be on 'em. I want a
man as is so low down in the school of life, that
he's always a making figures of one in his copy-
book, and can't get no further. I want a man
as is his own great coat and cloak, and is always
a wrapping himself up in himself. And I have
got him too," said Mr. Tapley, after a moment's
silence. " What a happiness !"
He paused to look round, uncertain to which
of the log-houses he should repair.
â– '- I don't know which to take," he observed ;
" that's the truth. They're equally prepossessing
outside, and equally commodious, no doubt,
within ; being fitted up with every convenience
that a Alligator, in a state of natur', could pos-
sibly require. Let me see ! The citizen as
turned out last night lives under water, in the
right hand dog-kennel at the corner. I don't
want to trouble him if I can help it, poor man,
for he is a melancholy object : a reg'lar Settler
in every respect. There's a house with a winder,
but I'm afraid of their being proud. I don't
know whether a door ain't too aristocratic ; but
here goes for the first one ! "
He went up to the nearest cabin, and knocked
with his hand. Being desired to enter, he com-
" Neighbour," said Mark; "for I am a neigh-
bour, though you don't know me ; I've come a
begging. Hallo ! hal â€” lo ! Am I a-bed, and
dreaming ! "
He made this exclamation on hearing his own
name pronounced, and finding himself clasped
about the skirts by two little boys, whose faces
he had often washed, and whose suppers he had
often cooked, on board of that noble and fast-
sailing line of packet ship, the Screw.
"My eyes is wrong !" said Mark. " I don't
believe 'em. That ain't my fellow passenger
yonder, a nursing her little girl, who, I am sorry
to see, is so delicate ; and that ain't her husband
as come to New York to fetch her. Nor these,"
he added, looking down upon the boys, "ain't
them two young shavers as was so familiar to
me ; though they are uncommon like 'em. That
I must confess."
The woman shed tears, in very joy to see
him ; the man shook both his hands, and would
not let them go ; the two boys hugged his legs ;
the sick child, in the mother's arms, stretched
out her burning little fingers, and muttered, in
her hoarse, dry throat, his well-remembered
It was the same family, sure enough. Altered
by the salubrious air of Eden. But the same.
" This is a new sort of a morning call," said
Mark, drawing a long breath. " It strikes one all
of a heap. Wait a little bit ! I'm a coming round,
fast. That'll do ! These gentlemen ain't my
friends. Are they on the wishing list of the
The inquiry referred to certain gaunt pigs, who
had walked in after him, and were much in-
terested in the heels of the family. As they did
not belong to the mansion, they were expelled
by the two little boys.
" I ain't superstitious about toads," said Mark,
looking round the room, "but if you could pre-
vail upon the two or three I see in company, to
step out at the same time, my young friends, I
think they'd find the open air refreshing. Not
that I at all object to 'em. A very handsome
animal is a toad," said Mr. Tapley, sitting down
upon a stool : " very spotted ; very like a par-
MARTI X CHUZZLEUTT.
tickler style of old gentleman about the throat ;
very bright-eyed, very cool, and very slippy.
But one sees 'em to the best advantage out of
'While pretending, with such talk as this, to be
perfectly at his ease, and to be the most indif-
ferent and careless of men, Mark Tapley had an
eye on all around him. The wan and meagre
aspect of the family, the changed looks of the
poor mother, the fevered child she held in her
lap, the air of great despondency and little hope
on everything, were plain to him, and made a
deep impression on his mind. He saw it all as
clearly and as quickly, as with his bodily eyes
he saw the rough shelves supported by pegs
driven between the logs, of which the house was
made; the flour-cask in the corner serving also
for a table ; the blankets, spades, and other
articles against the walls ; the clamp that blotched
the ground ; or the crop of vegetable ro tenness
in every crevice of the hut.
" How is it that you have come here ? ' asked
the man, when their first expressions of suiorise
" Why, we come by the steamer last night,"
replied Mark. "Our intention is to make our
fortuns with punctuality and despatch ; and to
retire upon our property as soon as ever it's
realised. But how are you all ? You're looking
" We are but sickly now," said the poor
woman, bending over her child. " But we shall
do better when we're seasoned to the place."
" There are some here," thought Mark, "whose
seasoning will last for ever."
But he said cheerfully, " Do better ! To be
sure you will. We shall all do better. What
we've got to do is, to keep up our spirits, and be
neighbourly. We shall come all right in the
end, never fear. That reminds me, by the bye,
that my partner's all wrong just at present ; and
that I looked in, to beg for him. I wish you'd
come, and give me your opinion of him,
That must have been a very unreasonable
request on the part of Mark Tapley, with which,
in their gratitude for his kind offices on board
the ship, they would not have complied in-
stantly. The man rose to accompany him
without a moment's delay. Before they went,
Mark took the sick child in his arms, and tried
to comfort the mother ; but the hand of death
was on it then, he saw.
They found Martin in the house, lying
wrapped up in his blanket on the ground.
He was, to all appearance, very ill indeed, and
shook and shivered horribly ; not as people do
from cold, but in a frightful kind of spasm or
convulsion, that racked his whole body. Mark's
friend pronounced his disease an aggravated
kind of fever, accompanied with ague ; which
was very common in those parts, and which he
predicted would be worse to-morrow, and for
many more to-morrows. He had had it himself
off and on, he said, for a couple of years or so;
but he was thankful that, while so many he had
known had died about him, he had escaped with
"And with not too much of that," thought
Mark, surveying his emaciated form. " Eden
for ever ! "
They had some medicine in their chest ; and
this man of sad experience showed Mark how
and when to administer it, and how he could
best alleviate the sufferings of Martin. His
attentions did not stop there ; for he was back-
wards and forwards constantly, and rendered
Mark good service in all his brisk attempts to
make their situation more endurable. Hope or
comfort for the future he could not bestow.
The season was a sickly one ; the settlement a
grave. His child died that night; and Mark,
keeping the secret from Martin, helped to bury
it, beneath a tree, next day.
With all his various duties of attendance
upon Martin (who became the more exacting
in his claims, the worse he grew), Mark worked
out of doors, early and late ; and with the
assistance of his friend and others, laboured
to do something with their land. Not that he
had the least strength of heart or hope, or
steady purpose in so doing, beyond the habitual
cheerfulness of his disposition, and his amazing
power of self-sustainment ; for. within himself,
he looked on their condition as beyond all hope,
and in his own words, "came out strong'' in
" As to coming out as strong as I could wish,
sir,'' he confided to Martin in a leisure moment ;
that is to say, one evening, while he was wash-
ing the linen of the establishment, after a hard
day's work, " that I give up. It's a piece of
good fortune as never is to happen to me, I
" Would you wish for circumstances stronger
than these ? " Martin retorted with a groan, from
underneath his blanket.
" Why, only see how easy they might have
been stronger, sir," said Mark, " if it wasn't for
the envy of that uncommon fortun of mine,
which is always after me, and tripping me up.
The night we landed here, I thought things did
look pretty jolly. I won't deny it. I thought
they did look pretty jolly."
A CRACK SHOT.
" How do they look now ? " groaned Martin.
"Ah!"' said Mark, "Ah to be sure. That's
the question. How do they look now ! On
the very first morning of my going out, what do
I do ? Stumble on a family I know, who are
constantly assisting of us in all sorts of ways,
from that time to this ! That won't do, you
know : that ain't what I'd a right to expect. If
I had stumbled on a serpent, and got bit ; or
stumbled on a first-rate patriot, and got bowie-
knifed ; or stumbled on a lot of Sympathisers
with inverted shirt-collars, and got made a lion
of; I might have distinguished myself, and
earned some credit. As it is, the great object
of my voyage is knocked on the head. So it
would be, wherever I went. How do you feel
" Worse than ever," said poor Martin.
"That's something," returned Mark, "but
not enough. Nothing but being very bad my-
self, and jolly to the last, will ever do me justice."
" In Heaven's name, don't talk of that,"
said Martin, with a thrill of terror. " What
should I do, Mark, if you were taken ill ! "
Mr. Tapley's spirits appeared to be stimulated
by this remark, although it was not a very flatter-
ing one. He proceeded with his washing in a
brighter mood ; and observed " that his glass
" There's one good thing in this place, sir,"
said Mr. Tapley, scrubbing away at the linen,
"as disposes me to be jolly; and that is, that
it's a reg'lar little United States in itself. There's
two or three American settlers left ; and they
coolly comes over one, even here, sir, as if it
was the wholesomest and loveliest spot in the
world. But they're like the Cock that went arid
hid himself to save his life, and was found out
by the noise he made. They can't help crowing.
They was born to do it, and do it they must, what-
ever comes of it."
Glancing from his work, out at the door, as
he said these words Mark's eyes encountered a
lean person in a blue frock and a straw hat,
with a short black pipe in his mouth, and a
great hickory stick, studded all over with knots,
in his hand; who smoking and chewing as he
came along, and spitting frequently, recorded his
progress by a train of decomposed tobacco on
" Here's one on 'em," cried Mark, " Hannibal
" Don't let him in," said Martin, feebly.
" He won't want any letting in," replied
Mark. " He'll come in, sir." Which turned
out to be quite true, for he did. His face was
almost as hard and knobby as his stick ; and so
were his hands. His head was like an old
black hearth-broom. He sat down on the chest
with his hat on ; and crossing his legs and
looking up at Mark, said, without removing his
" Well, Mr. Co ! and how do you git along,
sir ? "
It may be necessary to observe that Mr.
Tapley had gravely introduced himself to all
strangers, by that name.
" Pretty well, sir ; pretty well," said Mark.
" If this ain't Mr. Chuzzlewit, ain't it ! " ex-
claimed the visitor. " How do you git along,
sir ? "
Martin shook his head, and drew the blanket
over it involuntarily ; for he felt that Hannibal
was going to spit; and his eye, as the song
says, was upon him.
" You need not regard me, sir," observed Mr.
Chollop, complacently. " I am fever-proof, and
" Mine was a more selfish motive," said Mar-
tin, looking out again. " I was afraid you were
going to "
" I can calc'late my distance, sir," returned
Mr. Chollop, " to an inch."
With a proof of which happy faculty he im-
mediately favoured him.
" I re-quire, sir," said Hannibal, " two foot
clear in a circ'-lar di-rection, and can engage my-
self toe keep within it. I have gone ten foot, in
a circ'-lar di-rection, but that was for a wager."
" I hope you won it, sir," said Mark.
" Well, sir, I realised the stakes," said Chollop.
" Yes sir."
He was silent for a time, during which he
was actively engaged in the formation of a
magic circle round the chest on which he sat.
When it was completed, he began to talk again.
"How do you like our country, sir?" he in-
quired, looking at Martin.
" Not at all," was the invalid's reply.
Chollop continued to smoke without the
least appearance of emotion, until he felt dis-
posed to speak again. That time at length
arriving, he took his pipe from his mouth and
" I am not surprised to hear you say so. It
requires An elevation, and A preparation of the
intellect. The mind of man must be prepared
for Freedom, Mr. Co."
He addressed himself to Mark : because he
saw that Martin, who wished him to go, being
already half-mad with feverish irritation which
the droning voice of this new horror rendered
almost insupportable, had closed his eyes, and
turned on his uneasy bed.
MAR TIV CHUZZLE WIT
â€¢â€¢ A little bodily preparation wouldn't be
amiss, either, would it, sir," said Mark, " in the
case of a blessed old swamp like this ?"
"Do you con-sider this a swamp, sir?" in-
quired Choi lop gravely.
â€¢' Why yes, sir.'' returned Mark, " I haven't a
doubt about it. myself."
" The sentiment is quite Kuropian," said the
major. " and does not surprise me : what would
your English millions say to such a swamp in
England, sir ?"
â€¢â– They'd say it was an uncommon nasty one,
I should think," said Mark ; " and that they
would rather be inoculated for fever in some
â€¢â€¢ Europian! " remarked Chollop, with sardonic
pity. " Quite Europian ! "
And there he sat. Silent and cool, as if the
house were his : smoking away like a factory
Mr. Chollop was, of course, one of the most
remarkable men in the country ; but he really
was a notorious person besides. He was usually
described by his friends, in the South and West,
as "a splendid sample of our native raw mate-
rial, sir," and was much esteemed for his devo-
tion to rational liberty j for the better propagation
whereof he usually carried a brace of revolving-
pistols in his coat pocket, with seven barrels
apiece. He also carried, amongst other trinkets,
a sword-stick, which he called his " Tickler ; "
and a great knife, which (for he was a man of a
pleasant turn of humour) he called " Ripper,"
in allusion to its usefulness as a means of venti-
lating the stomach of any adversary in a close
contest. He had used these weapons with
distinguished effect in several instances, all
duly chronicled in the newspapers ; and was
greatly beloved for the gallant manner in which
he had "jobbed out" the eye of one gentleman,