And sevral more with me they swore
Aginst the British Crownd.
" Aginst her Pleaceman all
We said we'd try our strenth ;
Her scarlick soldiers tall
We vow'd we'd lay full lenth :
And out we came, in Freedom's name,
Last Aypril was the tenth.
" Three 'undred thousand snobs
Came out to stop the vay,
Vith sticks vith iron knobs,
Or else we'd gained the day.
The harmy quite kept out of sight
And so ve vent avay.
'â– Next day the Pleacemen came â€”
Rewenge it was their plann â€”
And from my good old dame
They took her tailor-mann :
And the hard hard beak did me bespeak
To Newgit in the Wanii.
" In that etrocious Cort
The Jev.-ry did agree ,
192 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
The Judge did me transport,
To go beyond the sea :
And so for life, from his dear wife
They took poor old Cuffee.
" O Halbert, Appy Prince ?
With children round your knees,
Ingraving ansum Prints,
And taking hoff your hease ;
O think of me, the old Cuffee,
Beyond the solt solt seas !
" Although I'm hold and black,
My hanguish is most great ;
Great Prince, O call me back.
And I vill be your Vait !
And never no more vill break the Lor,
As I did in 'Forty-eight,"
The tailer thus did close
(A pore old blackymore rogue),
"When a dismal gent uprose,
And spoke with Hirish brogue :
" I'm Smith O'Brine, of Royal Line,
Descended from Rory Ogue.
" When gi'eat O'Connle died.
That man whom all did trust.
That man whom Henglish pride
Beheld with such disgust.
Then Erin free fixed eyes on me,
And swoar I should be fust.
" ' The glorious Hirish Crown,*
Says she, ' it shall be thine :
Long time, it's wery well known,
You kep it in your line :
That diadem of hemerald gem
Is yours, my Smith O'Brine.
THE THREE CHRISTMAS WAITS. 1 93
" â– Too long the Saxon churl
Our land encumbered hath ;
Arise, my Prince, my Earl,
And brush them from thy path :
Rise, mighty Smith, and sveep 'em vith
The besom of your wrath.'
" Then in my might I rose.
My country I surveyed,
I saw it filled with foes,
I viewed them undismayed ;
* Ha, ha !' says I, ' the harvest's high,
I'll reap it with my blade.'
" My warriors I enrolled,
They rallied round their lord ;
And cheafs in council old
I summond to the board â€”
Wise Doheny and Duffy bold,
And Meagher of the Sword.
" I stood on Slievenamaun,
They came with pikes and bills ;
They gathered in the dawn,
Like mist upon the hills.
And rushed adown the mountain side
Like twenty tliousand rills.
" Their fortress we assail ;
Hurroo ! my boys, hurroo !
The bloody Saxons quail
To hear the wild shaloo :
Strike, and prevail, proud Innesfail,
O'Brine aboo, aboo !
" Our people they defied ;
They shot at 'em like savages.
Their bloody guns they plied
With sanguinary ravages :
194 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
Hide, blushing Glory, hide
That day among- the cabbages !
â– ' And so no more I'll say,
But ask your Mussy great.
And humbly sing and pray,
Your Majesty's poor Wait :
Your Smith O'Brine in 'Forty-nine
Will blush for 'Forty-eight."
LINES ON A LATE HOSPICIOUS
BV A (JENTLKMAN OF THE FOOT-GUARDS (BLUE).
I PACED upon my beat
With steady step and slow.
All huppandownd of Ranelagh Street ;
Ran'lagh St. Pimlico.
While marching huppandownd
Upon that fair May morn,
Beold the booming cannings sound,
A royal child is born !
The Ministers of State
Then presenly I sor.
They gallops to the Pallis gate,
In carridges and for.
With anxious looks intent,
Before the gate they stop,
There comes the good Lord President,
And there the Archbishopp.
* The birth of Prince Arthur.
LINES ON A HOSPICIOUS EWENT. 1 95
Lord John he next elights ;
And who comes here in haste ?
'Tis the ero of one underd fights,
The caudle for to taste.
Then Mrs. Lily, the nuss,
Towards them steps with joy ;
Says the brave old Duke, " Come tell to us,
Is it a gal or a boy ?"
Says Mrs. L. to the Duke.
'â€¢' Your Grace, it is a Friiur'."
And at that nuss's bold rebuke
He did both laugli and wince.
He vews with pleasant look
This pooty flower of May.
Then says the wenerable Duke,
*' Egad, it's my buthday,"
By memory backards borne.
Peraps his thoughts did stray
To that old place where he was born
Upon the first of May.
Perhaps he did recall
The ancient towers of Trim ;
And County Meath and Dangan Hall
They did rewisit him.
I phansy of him so
His good old thoughts employin' ;
Fourscore years and one ago
Beside the flowin' Boyne.
His father praps he sees,
Host musicle of Lords,
196 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
A playing maddrigles and glees
Upon the Arpsicords.
Jest phansy this old Ero
Upon his mother's knee !
Did ever lady in this land
Ave greater sons than she !
And I shouldn be surprize
While this was in his mind,
If a drop there twinkled in his eyes
Of unfamiliar brind.
To Hapsly Ouse next day
Drives up a Broosh and for,
A gracious prince sits in that Shay
(I mention him with Hor !)
They ring upon the bell,
The Porter shows his Ed.
(He fought at Vaterloo as veil,
And years a Veskit red).
To see that carriage come.
The people round it press :
" And is the galliant Duke at ome ?"
'â– Your Royal Ighness, yes."
He stepps from out the Broosh
And in the gate is gone ;
And X, although the people push,
Says wery kind, " Move hon."
The Royal Prince unto
The galliant Duke did say,
" Dear Duke, my little son and you
Was born the self-same day.
LINES ON A HOSPICIOUS EWENT. I 97
" The I.ady of the land,
My wife and Sovring dear,
It is by her horgust command
I wait upon you here.
" That lady is as well
As can expected be ;
And to your Grace she bid me tel
This gracious message free.
" That offspring of our race,
Whom yesterday you see.
To show our honor for your Grace,
Prince Arthur he shall be.
" That name it rhymes to fame ;
All Europe knows the sound ;
And I couldn't find a better name
If you'd give me twenty pound.
" King Arthur had his knights
That girt his table round.
But you have won a hundred fights.
Will match 'em, I'll be bound.
" You fought with Bonypart,
And likewise Tippoo Saib ;
I name you then with all my heart
The Godsire of this babe."
That Prince his leave was took.
His hinterview was done.
So let us give the good old Duke
Good luck of his god-son,
And wish him years of joy
In this our time of Schism,
198 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
And hope he'll hear the royal boy
His little catechism.
And my pooty little Prince
That's come our arts to cheer.
Let me my loyal powers ewince
A welcomin of you ere.
And the Poit-Laureat's crownd,
I think, in some respex,
Egstremely shootable might be found
P'or honest Pleaseman X.
TME BALLAD OF ELIZA DAVIS.
Gai.liant gents and lovely ladies,
List a tail vich late befel,
Vich I heard it, bein on duty,
At the Pleace Hoffice, Clerkenwell.
Praps you know the Fondling Chapel,
Vere the little children sings :
(Lor ! I likes to hear on Sundies
Them there pooty little things !)
In this street there lived a housemaid,
If you particklarly ask me where â€”
Vy, it vas at four-and-tventy
Guilford Street, by Brunsvick Square.
Vich her name was Eliza Davis,
And she went to fetch the beer :
In the street she met a party
As was quite surprized to see her.
THE BALLAD OF ELIZA DAVIS. 1 99
Vich he vas a British Sailor,
For to judge him by his look :
Tarry jacket, canvas trowsies,
Ha-ia Mr. T. P. Cooke.
Presently this Mann accostes
Of this hinnocent young gal â€”
" Pray," saysee, " excuse my freedom,
You're so like my Sister Sal !
" You're so like my Sister Sally,
Both in valk and face and size.
Miss, that^dang my old lee scuppers,
It brings tears into ray heyes !
"I'm a mate on board a wessel,
I'm a sailor bold and true ;
Shiver up my poor old timbers,
Let me be a mate for you !
" What's your name, my beauty, tell me ;"
And she faintly hansers, " Lore,
Sir, my name's Eliza Davis,
And I live at tventy-four."
Hofttimes came this British seaman.
This deluded gal to meet ;
And at tventy-four was welcome,
Tventy-four in Guilford Street.
And Eliza told her Master
(Kinder they than Misuses are),
How in marridge he had ast her,
Like a galliant British Tar.
And he brought his landlady vith him,
(Vich was all his hartful plan).
200 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
And she told how Charley Thompson
Reely vas a good young man :
And how she herself had lived in
Many years of union sweet
Vith a gent she met promiskous,
Valkin in the public street.
And Eliza listened to them,
And she thought that soon their bands
Vould be published at the Fondlin,
Hand the clergyman jine their ands.
And he ast about the lodgers,
(Vich her master let some rooms),
Likevise vere they kep their things, and
Vere her master kep his spoons.
- Hand this vicked Charley Thompson
Came on Sundy veek to see her ;
And he sent Eliza Davis
Hout to fetch a pint of beer.
Hand while pore Eliza vent to
Fetch the beer, dewoid of sin.
This etrocious Charley Thompson
Let his wile accomplish hin.
To the lodgers, their apartments,
This abandingd female goes.
Prigs their shirts and umberellas ;
Prigs their boots, and hats, and clothes.
\'\\t the scoundrle Charley Thompson,
Lest his wictim should escape,
Hocust her vith rum and vater.
Like a fiend in huming shape.
THE BALLAD OF ELIZA DAVIS. 20I
But a hi was fixed upon 'em
Vich these raskles little sore ;
Namely, Mr. Hide, the landlord
Of the house at tventy-four.
He was valkin in his garden.
Just afore he vent to sup ;
And on looking up he sor the
Lodgers' vinders lighted up.
Hup the stairs the landlord tumbled ;
Something's going wrong, he said ;
And he caught the vicked voman
Underneath the lodger's bed.
And he called a brother Pleaseman,
Vich was passing on his beat.
Like a true and galliant feller.
Hup and down in Guilford Street.
And that Pleaseman able-bodied
Took this voman to the cell ;
To the cell vere she was quodded,
In the Close of Clerkenwell.
And though vicked Charley Thompson
Boulted like a miscrant base.
Presently another Pleaseman
Took him to the self-same place.
And this precious pair of raskles
Tuesday last came up for doom ;
By the beak they was committed,
Vich his name was Mr. Combe.
Has for poor Eliza Davis,
Simple gurl of tventy-four,
BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
She, I ope, vill never listen
In the streets to sailors raoar.
But if she must ave a sweet-art,
(Vich most every gurl expex,)
Let her take a jolly pleaseman ;
Vich his name peraps is â€” X.
DAMAGES, TWO HUNDRED POUNDS.
Special Jurymen of England ! who admire your
And proclaim a British Jury worthy of the realm's
Gayly compliment each other at the issue of a
Which was tried at Guildford 'sizes this day week
as ever was.
Unto that august tribunal comes a gentleman in
(Special was the British Jury, and the Judge, the
Comes a British man and husband â€” asking of the
For his wife was stolen from him â€” he'd have ven-
geance on the thief.
Yes, his wife, the blessed treasure with the which
his life was crowned.
Wickedly was ravished from him by a hypocrite
And he comes before twelve Britons, men for
sense and truth renowned,
DAMAGES, TWO riUXDRED POUNDS. 203
To award him for his damage twenty hundred
He by counsel and attorney there at Guildford does
Asking damage of the villian who seduced his lady
But I can't help asking, though the lady's guilt
was all too clear.
And though guilty the defendant, wasn't the
plaintiff rather queer ?
First the lady's mother spoke, and said she'd seen
her daughter cry
But a fortnight after marriage : early times for
Six months after, things were worse, and the
piping eye was black,
And this gallant British husband caned his wife
upon the back.
Three months after they were married, husband
pushed her to the door,
Told her to be off and leave him, for he wanted
her no more.
As she would not go, why he went : thrice he left
his lady dear ;
Left her too without a penny, for more than a
quarter of a year.
Airs. Frances Duncan knew the parties very well
She had seen him pull his lady's nose and make
her lip to bleed ;
If he chanced to sit at home not a single word lie
Once she saw him throw the cover of a dish at his
204 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
Sarah Green, another witness, clear did to the
How she saw this honest fellow seize his lady by
How he cursed her and abused her, beating her
into a fit,
Till the pitying next-door neighbors crossed the
wall and witnessed it.
Next door to this injured Briton Mr. Owers a
butcher dwelt ;
Mrs. Ower's foolish heart toward this erring
dame did melt ;
(Not that she had erred as yet, crime was not de-
veloped in her),
But being left without a penny, Mrs. Owers sup-
plied her dinner â€”
Clod be merciful to Mrs. Owers, who was merciful
to this sinner !
Caroline Naylor was their servant, said they led a
Saw this most distinguished Briton fling a teacup
at his wife ;
He went out to balls and pleasures, and never
once, in ten months' space.
Sat with his wife or spoke her kindly. This was
the defendant's case.
Pollock, C. B., charged the Jury ; said the wom-
an's guilt was clear ;
That was not the point, however, which the Jury
came to hear ;
But the damage to determine which, as it should
This most tender-hearted husband, who so used
his lady dear â€”
DAMAGES, TWO HUNDRED POUNDS. 205
Beat her, kicked her, caned her, cursed her, left
her starving, year by year,
Flung her from him, parted from her, wrung Iier
neck, and boxed her ear â€”
What the reasonable damage this afflicted man
By the loss of the affections of this guilty grace-
less dame ?
Then the honest British Twelve, to each other
Laid their clever heads together with a wisdom
most profound :
And toward his Lordship looking, spoke the fore-
man wise and sound ; â€”
" My Lord, we find for this here plaintiff,
damages two hundred pound."
So, God bless the Special Jury ! pride and joy of
And the happy land of England, where true jus-
tice does abound !
British jurj'men and husbands, let us hail this
verdict proper :
If a British wife offends you, Britons, you've a
right to whop her.
Though you promised to protect her, though you
promised to defend her.
You are welcome to neglect her : to the devil you
may send her :
You may strike her, curse, abuse her ; so declares
our law renowned ;
And if after this you lose her, â€” why, you're paid
two hundred pound.
2o6 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
THE KNIGHT AND THE LADY.
There's in the Vest a city pleasant
To vich King Bladud gev his name,
And in that city there's a Crescent
Vere dwelt a noble knight of fame.
Although that gallant knight is oldish.
Although Sir John as grey, grey air,
Hagehas not made his busum coldish.
His Art still beats tewodds the Fair !
'Twas two years sins, this knight so splendid,
Peraps fateagued with Bath's routines,
To Paris towne his phootsteps bended
In sutch of gayer folks and scans.
His and was free, his means was easy,
A nobler, finer gent than he
Ne'er drove about the Shons-Eleesy,
Or paced the Roo de Rivolee.
A brougham and pair Sir John prov/ided.
In which abroad he loved to ride ;
But ar ! he most of all enjyed it,
When some one helse was sittin' inside !
That " some one helse" a lovely dame was.
Dear ladies, you will heasy tell- -
Countess Grabrowski her sweet name was,
A noble title, ard to spell.
This faymus Countess ad a daughter
Of lovely form and tender art ;
A nobleman in marridge sought her,
Bv name the Baron of Saint P>art.
THE KNIGHT AND THE LADY. 207
Their pashn touched the noble Sir John,
It was so pewer and profound ;
With Hyming's wreeth their loves to crownd.
" O, come to Bath, to Lansdowne Crescent,"
Says kind Sir John, " and live with me ;
The living there's uncommon pleasant â€”
I'm sure you'll find the hair agree.
" O, come to Bath, my fair Grabrowski,
And bring your charming girl," sezee ;
" The Barring here shall have the ouse-key,
Vith breakfast, dinner, lunch, and tea.
" And when they've passed an appy winter,
Their opes and loves no more we'll bar ;
The marridge-vow they'll enter inter,
And I at church will be their Par."
To Bath they went to Lansdowne Crescent,
Where good Sir John he did provide
No end of teas and balls incessant,
And bosses both to drive and ride.
He was so Ospitably busy.
When Miss was late, he'd make so bold
Upstairs to call out, " Missy, Missy,
Come down, the coffy's getting cold ! "
But O ! 'tis sadd to think such bounties
Should meet with such return as this ;
O Barring of Saint Bart, O Countess
Grabrowski, and O cruel Miss !
He married you at Bath's fair Habby,
Saint Bart he treated like a son â€”
And wasn't it uncommon shabby
To do what von have v/enl and done
2o8 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
My trembling And amost refewses
To write the charge which Sir John swore,
Of which the Countess he ecuses,
Her daughter and her son-in-lore.
My Mews quite blushes as she sings of
The fatle charge which now I quote :
He says Miss took his two best rings off,
And pawned 'em for a tenpun note.
" Is this the child of honest parince,
To make away with folks' best things ?
Is this, pray, like the wives of Barrins,
To go and prig a gentleman's rings ? "
Thus thought Sir John, by anger wrought on,
And to rewenge his injured cause.
He brought them hup to Mr. Broughton,
Last Vensday veek as ever waws.
If guiltless, how she have been slandered !
If guilty, wengeance will not fail :
Meanwhile the lady is remanded
And gev three hundred pouns in bail.
JACOB HOMNIUM'S HOSS.
A NEW PALLICE COURT CHAUNT.
One sees in Viteall Yard,
Vere pleacemen do resort,
A wenerable hinstitute,
'Tis called the Pallis Court.
A gent as got his i on it,
I think 'twill make some sport.
JACOB HOMNIUM'S HOSS. 209
The natur of this Court
My hindignation riles :
A few fat legal spiders
Here set & spin their viles ;
To rob the town theyr privlege is,
In a hayrea of twelve miles.
The Judge of this year Court
Is a mellitary beak,
He knows no more of Lor
Than praps he does of Greek,
And prowides hisself a deputy
Because he cannot speak.
Four counsel in this Court â€”
Misnamed of Justiceâ€” sits ;
These lawyers owes their places to
There money, not their wits ;
And there's six attornies under them.
As here their living gits.
These lawyers, si.x and four.
Was a living at their ease,
A sendin of their writs abowt,
And droring in the fees.
When their erose a cirkimstance
As is like to make a breeze.
It now is some monce since
A gent both good and trew
Possest an ansum oss vith vich
He didn know what to do ;
Peraps he did not like the oss,
Peraps he was a scru.
This gentleman his oss
At Tattersall's did lodge ;
I O BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
There came a wulgar oss-dealer.
This gentleman's name did fodge,
And took the oss from Tattersall's :
Wasn that a artful dodge ?
One day this gentleman's groom
This willain did spy out,
A mounted on this oss
A ridin him about ;
" Get out of that there oss, you rogue,"
Speaks up the groom so stout.
The thief was cruel wex'd
To find himself so pinu'd ;
The oss began to whinny,
The honest groom he grinn'd ;
And the raskle thief got off the oss
And cut avay like vind.
And phansy with what joy
The master did regard
His dearly bluvd lost oss again
Trot in the stable yard !
Who was this master good
Of whomb I makes these rhymes ?
His name is Jacob Homnium, Exquire'
And if /'d committed crimes.
Good Lord ! I wouldn't ave that mann
Attack me in the Times !
Now shortly after the groomb
His master's oss did take up,
There came a livery-man
This gentleman to wake up ;
And lie handed in a little bill,
Which hangered !Ir. Jacob.
JACOB HOMNIUM'S HOSS. 211
For two pound seventeen
This livery-man eplied,
For the keep of Mr. Jacob's oss,
Which the thief had took to ride.
" Do you see anythink green in me?"
Mr. Jacob Homnium cried.
" Because a raskle chews
My oss away to robb,
And goes tick at your Mews
For seven-and-fifty bobb,
Shall / be call'd to pay ? â€” It is
A iniquitious Jobb."
Thus Mr. Jacob cut
The conwasation short :
The livery-man went ome,
Detummingd to ave sport,
And summingsd Jacob Homnium, Exquire,
Into the Pallis Court.
Tore Jacob went to Court,
A Counsel for to fix.
And choose a barrister out of the four,
An attorney of the six :
And there he sor these men of Lor,
And watch'd 'em at their tricks.
The dreadful day of trile
In the pallis Court did come ;
The lawyers said their say.
The judge look'd wery glum,
And then the British Jury cast
Pore Jacob Hom-ni-um.
O a weary day was that
For Jacob to go through ;
2 12 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
The debt was two seventeen
(Which he no mor owed than you),
And then there was the plaintives costs,
Eleven pound six and two.
And then there was his own,
Which the lawyers they did fix
At a wery moderit figgar
Of ten pound one and six.
Now Evins bless the Pallis Court,
And all its bold ver-dicks !
I cannot settingly tell
If Jacob swaw and cust,
At aving for to pay this sumb ;
But I should think he must,
And av drawn a cheque for Â£2^ 4J. 9iJ.
With most igstreme disgust.
O Pallis Court, you move
My pitty most profound.
A most emusing sport
You thought it I'll be bound,
To saddle hup a three-pound debt
With two and-twenty pound.
Good sport it is to you
To grind the honest pore,
To pay their just or unjust debts
With eight hundred per cent for Lor
Make haste and get your costes in,
They will not last much mor !
Come down from that tribewn,
Thou shameless and Unjust ;_
Thou Swindle, picking pockets in
The name of Truth august :
Come down, thou hoary Blasphemy,
For die thou shalt and must.
And go it, Jacob Homnium,
And ply your iron pen,
And rise up, Sir John Jervis,
And shut me up that den ;
That sty for fattening lawyers in
On the bones of honest men.
The night was stormy and dark. The town was
shut up in sleep : Only those were abroad who
were out on a lark, Or those who'd no beds to
I pass'd through the lonely street. The wind
did sing and blow ; I could hear the policeman's
feet Clapping to and fro.
There stood a potato-man In the midst of all
the wet ; He stood with his 'tato-can In the
Two gents of dismal mien, And dank and
greasy rags, Came out of a shop for gin, Swag-
gering over the flags :
Swaggering over the stones, These shabby
bucks did walk ; And I went and followed those
seedy ones. And listened to their talk.
CI4 BALLADS OF POLICEMAN X.
Was I sober or awake ? Could I believe my
ears ? Those dismal beggars spake Of nothing
but railroad shares.
I wondered more and more : Says one â€” â–
" Good friend of mine, How many shares have
you wrote for, In the Diddlesex Junction line ?"
" I wrote for twenty," says Jim, "But they
wouldn't give me one ;" His comrade straight
rebuked him For the folly he had done :
" O Jim, you are unawares Of the ways of
this bad town ; / always write for five hundred
shares, And then they put me down."
" And yet you got no shares," Says Jim, " for
all your boast ;" "I luoitld have wrote," says
Jack, " but where Was the penny to pay the
" I lost, for I couldn't pay That first instal-
ment up ; But here's 'taters smoking hot â€” I say.
Let's stop, my boy, and sup."
And at this simple feast The while they did
regale, I drew each ragged capitalist Down on
my left thumb-nail.
Their talk did me perplex. All night I tumbled
and tost, And thought of railroad specs. And
how money was won and lost.
" Bless railroads everywhere," I said, " and
the world's advance ; Bless every railroad share
In Italy, Ireland, France ; For never a beggar
need now despair. And every rogue has a
A WOEFUL NEW BALLAD. 215
A WOEFUL NEW BALLAD
PROTESTANT CONSPIRACY TO TAKE THE
(by a gentleman who has been on the spot.)
Come all ye Christian people, unto my tale give
'Tis about a base consperracy, as quickly shall
'Twill make your hair to bristle up, and your eyes