Rut with my water-soaked dej
There is nothing I can do.
liny with the progressive
spiiit tif the institution, the far-
faned Fluke Fnivei-sity Liberry has
this year lieen made to serve a
very unique and novel purpose.
It is a well-known fact that the
Fluke students have been suffei-
ing for years for the lack of a so-
cial and recreational center, and
have been forced to use either the
Dope Shop. Owl, The Paris. Tlie
Savoy, oi- Orpheum, and on a Sun-
day the inilispcnsable wall of
granite which surrounds the cam-
pus and espei-ially that part wlii
runs horizontal with the main
di-ag, for this purpose.
The Liberry, however, had be-
come of late a very unessential
part of the university system, as
it was being used, so through the
agency of a number of (Jpen Fo-
rums which appeared in the
â– â– Chronic- 111." the University's
weekly sc-andal sheet, the admin-
istration and Shorty Love were in-
We have with us. Ladeez and
Gentlemen, none other than the
far-famed Chauncey Rudolph us
Algernon Percival Arrhibald .Au-
gustus Herbert Horatio Fats John-
son, who hails from the diminutive
little hamlet of Farmville, N. C.
the proud homeplace of our dear
Senator Samuel David Bundy.
After lingthy deliberation.
"Fats" has been chosen without
hesitation or equivocation as All-
Fluke Garcon do Bureau of this
Rublication. This position is
highly regarded in college circles,
having been held in previous years
by such notables as Pshack Can-
non and Shorty Craven.
"All Hail I "Fats' from Farm-
duoed to transfoini tlu- famous old
Liberry Ruilding Into a social cen-
ter Tor the â– â– ampus.
AlIhouKb the I.ili.rry had been
11 Sell as a place in whieh to
not been devoted so exclusively to
this iia.stime as was hoped. The
building is excellently and conven-
iently arrangeil for its m-w use,
and very little trouljle was ex-
perienced in converting it into an
ideal rcci'eational center. The
main floor is used particularly as
a lounge room, and the tattoit of
the pneumatic riveters furnish
sweet music to the ear. Many a
pleasant hour may be spent in
the aiite-Toom to tlie main loung-
revelling among the really serious
and artistic natured publications
such as the Movie Weekly, True
Story. College Humor, Whiz Rang.
and Hot Dog.
In the gallery are pieces of
statuar>- wliich ai'e said to have
a i)ieee, and which represent tlie
ijest that money can buy. They
]>rove ver-y inspiring to the pass-
ers-by, as do also the many old
relics which constitute a part of
the world-ienowned It.\-lty Mu-
But the most important jiart of
the new l>uilding, as it is now be-
ing useil, is the Htitck rouni, which
consist.s of row upon row of use-
less books. Perhaps we are a lit-
tle harsh in applying the term
useless, for as so stacke
serve to make stall after stall that
are as private as Proxy's otiice.
As the students tire of the lounge,
they are permitted to pair off and
retire to these book stalls for fur-
ther developments. Only those
students, however, who luive
proved by years of proper con-
duct that they can behave them-
selves while in ijrivate are allowed
to retii'c to this sanctum -sancto-
The many little catacombs
around the upper balcony may be
engaged for the evening by speak-
ing to the clerk at the di-sk ; but
;uj the lUmand for these boudoirs
is very great, it is frequently nec-
essary that group meetings be
The atmosphere of the building
is always very conducive to love-
making, as it is always as hot and
oppressive there a.^ a day in June.
It lias a tendency to give one that
dozy. drowsy. dreamy sort o"
fei'ling which is so often associ-
ated with a love-slek guy.
There is no doubt but that the
student body to a man ( women
not excluded) is very thankful to
Shorty Love for his prompt ac-
quiescence to the will of the stu-
dents, and there is no doubt any
longer but that an Open Forum in
the â€¢â– Chronic-Ill will accomplish
results, yea, even wonders and
THE FLUKE ITY-ITY
Founded in the dear, dear days
beyond recall by one of the Ity-
THE BULL FIGHTERS
PREPARE TO PUT ON
THE DUKE REALTY COMPANY
Successors to The Trinitv Realtv Company
WE OWN THE CAMPUS
\ peppy paper periodically
published, pushed and penned by
the punniest portion of the popu-
lation that puts on pants and pan-
Entered as poisin pen matter at
Durham, N. C, by means of the
liberal use of the dollar.
Watchword: "We are liars, and
the truth ain't in us."
Flowers: Fig Leaves.
Emblem: Crow's Nest,
Saphira Co-Ed Editor
I. B- A. Sucker. . .Managing Editor
Ima Pawsond Pen Reporter
H. L. Blencken
I. R. A. Flukey. Garcon de Bureau
Re-established because "It is the ^pj^^ Swan. a Ferocious Bovine, To
duty of every community to en- Appear in Hilarious AHair
courage, even enforce, free iâ€ž ('raven Arena.
The Spanish Association of Tau-
rians made preliminary ai'range-
ments last week for their annual
spring Bull Fight. The Swan, one
of the most ferocious bulls in Dur-
ham County, is being put in shap?
for the great battle. Trainer P.
Gross and Taurian "Shack" Can-
non caiJtuied and enpenned him
while on an expedition up the Enu
River last month.
Under the direction of Taurian
Roberts, one of the most success-
ful fighters of past Duke battles,
and of Trainer M. Gross, the Duke
Bull Fghters for this season are
being chosen. Several preliminary
encounteis are proving necessary
to select the most agile and cap-
able of r)uke's professional torea-
It is thought that previous suc-
cesses will be repeated this spring.
The novel idea of using Cannons
as a means of subduing the bull
was introduced two seasons ago,
and has since received hearty ap-
proval by the referees and all
others concerned. Professor Stein-
hauser is thinking of taking the
idea back to Spain with him this
summer and introdueing it to the
founders of this popular sport.
Rumor has it that a grand bull
fight in the Craven Arena will fea-
ture the commencement exercises
this year. It is i-eported that such
successful "wavers of the red
shirt" as Taurians Hatcher, Allen,
Secrest. and others will return for
the engagement. This introduc-
tion of a sporting e\'ent into the
commencement program will add
much to the occasion, it is
Manager McFee is said to be
negotiating with the railroads and
the Trans-Campus I^imited in par-
ticular for special round trip tick-
etc from Mexico City to Duiham
for the benefit of their greas-^r
friends. As usual, the versatile
Gay Allen is handling all pub-
licity, bill posters, etc. From his
look-out in the Crow's Nest, he is
able to catth all the fine points oi
the game, and hence is well fitted
for reporting the encounter to the
Associated Press and tlie rt^ading
Runs on its own deputation.
The Fluke Ity-Ity is a heluva
We are, because we arc what we
We ask no alma, we seek no
We believe we are doing a great
work for the cause of humanity.
Every good work shall receive
its just reward. Therefore, we
will be well rewarded.
We like everybody, and we dor-'t
see why everybody shouldn't like
us and our paper.
Our dear canine friend, "Scab,"
has weathered kick and cuff, wind
and storm, for four long years
now. and will receive his jiploma
in June along with his Class of "26.
And, realizing that the ITni var-
sity could not face the future
without some sort of doggy mas-
cot, the Class of '21* have already
chosen as his successor the fierce
looking "Bull Purp" illustrated
above. And as the bull was em-
blematic of the Class of "26. so
will "Bull" be symbolic of the
Class of â– 2iÂ».
John West brook
â– Shine" Bell
The \\'aggonei' Bros.
We Are Glad to Show You Our Campus Whether You
Are Interested in Buying or Not.
Representing what wc know t()
be the light-thinking and must
conservative element of the col-
lege community, we have at-
tempted to tone down the general
sentiment and plain talk of the
Campus and to present it in a
straightforward manner, but in a
way that will not injure the feel-
ings of even the most sensitive
individuals. We have attempted
to link up the good old Ity-Hy
days with the Flul^ey days of the
future. the old tradition and
malefactions with the backward
.s]iirit of the present agt-.
If. in future years, when you
reach up and remove this time-
worn volume from its dust-en-
crusted repose, and, on turning
through the four pages of this
newsy, blue-sy sheet, you find the
names of the pals (and even your
own) and you are reminded of
those foolish days of long ago. and
your heart is chilled at the sight,
antl you again feel the pallor of
the old Fluke Spirit, then indeed
we will feel that we have lal>ored
1000 shares Fyree Lighting Co. (Tv
2 shares Trans-Campus Limited,
9:^ shares Hunt Heating Co. com.
rti 32% Fhr.
4 shares of F. R. A. T., gtd. fit HI
1.000 seats on the Fluke Chapel
Exchange (Tv almost nothing.
10 shares Albano School of Danc-
ing (ft 11 shakes.
3 shares Brown Blue Print Shop
ru 221 g.
2 (plough) shares. Bull Pick and
Shovel Co. @ Wooley prices.
1 Crow's Nest @ G. A.
THE ITY-ITY MORTGAC
Mr. CiiANTi, Presidtiit
3 Fig Leaves (Tv W. F. T.
50 shares Yellow Dog, Common
Cur (iv 3 yelps or 1 bark.
9 shares Hatcher and Hobbs, spe-
cial, iS' 2 shines.
100 shares Durham County Prog-
i-ess f^ 3 mucks.
WE VVTLL Bl Y
1 share of Co-Ed, preferred.
299 shares of Co-Ed. common.
1 share of Fluke Diploma, pfd.
4 qts. (Bottled in Bond), pfd.
The Campus. New One pfd.
10 shares Book Room, pfd.
1 share Plii Beta Kappa, gtd.
100 shares of Hope and Prospects.
;E and INVESTMENT CO,
Mr. Ci.eer, Sec. and Treas.
"The wisest men that are, you
Have never deemed it treason
To rest a bit and jest a bit.
And balance up their reason.
To laugh a bit and chat a bit.
And joke a bit in season."
Bo in to the Fluke (I'ampuR,
The little D. D. (Devil's Disci-
ples') Club. Growing larger daily,
Sigma Gamma, lil-lb. boy. Fath-
er and children doing well.
Two new courses for the year;
in keeping with the expanding
spirit of the schule.
Born to the "Chronic-Ill," a fig
tree with quite a number of with-
ered leave.s. and a crow with a
nest full of bad eggs.
To Jawn Spik'-s, a humorous
THK FLLKK ri"\-lTY
PHI BFTA KAPPA
AT SIGMA CHI HOP
Ono of the most interesting iiinl
original featuri's of the rtci-nt Siw-
ma Ch\ fraternity dant-e was tlie
I'hi Rfta Kappa No-^ir^â– ak.
Brother Jawn Weslcrook, wlio was
recently elected to meniht-rship hf-
eause of his hiiidablo adiiuinn to
the seieneo of pliysiogmmiy. l.'d
off with Miss Stniupson in the liist
ti.iiuri' of the barn dante, which
liad been revived for tlie occasinn
to lend a homelike appeal to tlu'
They were closoly followed l)y
President "Shack" Canyon and
Miss t'lara Bleekton. "Fatty"
Tinkh^ and Miss Marion Cutler.
Fertly Hickson and Miss Mildred
Berrill. Stan Pickers and Miss
Louise McAnalli.-. Max Barnyard
and Miss Louise Bulleison. and
many other pinniinent nieinbers of
the honorary seholastic soeiety.
Brother Soup Couiter and Brother
Sam Nuark ealbd the tiKUfi-s un-
til a little altercation ai'iis^? over
the relali\'e merits of the Gum
Neck and Goose Creek Hollow
technique, after which Brother
Courier continued the calling.
Brother Nuark was carried to the
Charity Wartl uf the Uurhani
Negro Hospital of the Sons and
Oaughters of tbe 1 Will Arise,
Fisk Chapter, where he la resting
easily this morning after- a rather
Mr. Frank Mor^-land Hoi iiei-,
president of tlu' local I'hapter of
Sigma Clii, was ntiuested to Iea\'e
tlie lloor by members of the Stu-
dent Council, because he could
produce neither bis Phi Beta Kap-
pa Key nor certilicate of nu-mln-r-
whip, Mr. I turner's presence of
mind inabled him to indicate liis
position and save his good name.
He succeeded in borrowing a Phi
Beta Kuppa key from Brother
Bob Uazzberry, who was not danc-
ing because of r<'ligious scruples,
and returned to the floor.
Brother J awn West crook and
Miss "IJh" Barker provided fur-
ther entertainment by singing two
little ditties improvised from the
Songs of Solomon. "Do It a Long
Time. Papa. Mama's FcLdin" Blue."
and "Bradstreet Blues." Sister
Harki-r's lieautiful falsetto added
most touchingly to the appeal of
the occasion. All members of the
Chaptei' joined in the refrain.
Brother Omicron Epsilon .lohnson
and Sister Cleo of the CoUckc Hall
Administration Staff singing bass.
The no- break was concluded by
ninety seconds of silent prayer for
hn absent member of Phi Beta
Kappa, Brother Rank .Turdan, who
is generally supposed to he at
What Was the Matter?
P'he Chose h Ucnih in Flames Kiither Than Kscniie With Him
It was simply bi-,\f)nd him. Hi- cuhin't [luzzlc it out. And
every moment it preyed on his mind and was almost break-
ing his heart.
the last fire and chosen instead to perish in the flames?
That's the insidious thing about halitosis (unpleasant
breath ), You yourself rarely know when you have it. And
even yniir cbtsest friends won't tell ynu.
UK *;i kk:
BLAMBERT PHARCICAL CO.
present reslrtlnff In the "City of
Spindles." The heart-moving lit-
tle service was ended by a solo
by the chaplain of the organiza-
tion. Dr. William Alfred Blumhr-
w<)od. who rendered. "Where Is
My Wandering Boy Tonight." in
a polished e()ntralto.
The no\el fe;iturc of the Phi
Beta Kappa Nr)- Break introduced
by the Sigma Chl's .shows a laud-
able spirit of appreciation for
scholastic attalnmi nts, and they
were so commended by Dr. Many.
It is to he hoped that such a
worthy innovation should become
a customary institution at univer-
sity Social events.
FAMOUS DATES IN
II â€” Brisgalsky and Red Bird hobo
in fron\ Cliclsea, Mass. School
1 â€” "Lap" orders 10 sets Aesops
Fables. Gay .Mien buys one.
!t â€” "Son" Clark 'enter.s Law
10 â€” Carolina defeats I>uke in ex-
citing football game, and in-
cidentally Firpo Waggoner
stages his annual fistic battle
with * 'arolina students.
IS â€” Dr. Baum opi'iis a class in
"How to Smoke Cigarettes."
Very exclusive. Students sign-
ing up for course are Twad-
dell. Cotton, and Allen.
20 â€” Dean Herring opens course in
"Loud Speaking" for future
21 â€” Another dog kennel for our
latest authority. Dr. Frank
AVarner, an alumnus of the
next decade. His new duties
same as before, namely, sing-
ing, playing his uke, and sit-
22 â€” Miss Baldwin implants "The
Star of the East" on the loof
of West Duke. Reasons un-
24 â€” Miss Draughon and Mr. More-
cock motor to Norfolk for
Duke- William and Mary game.
Mary gets rough and Duke
27 â€” Harriet wants to drop English
XI because Dr. White dis-
turbs her sleep with his loud
5 â€” "Dean Hunt." overcome by the
gigantic holes for the new
foundations, threatens to re-
sign, but later accepts Prexy's
7 â€” Blue Devils scrimmage Wake
Forest. Wake Forest shows up
11 â€” Frank Craven falls in love.
12 â€” Frank Craven falls out of love.
20 â€” Co-eds hold pul)lic swimming
contest and incidentally make
25 â€” "Shang" Parker takes a bath,
though three days before
WHAT DICK SAYS
Uitnk ('111% en and .lawn WcNlhrook
We own. operate and con t ml
the Calumni oflice of Fluke Uni-
We are proud of our Alumni.
Uur Alumni should be proud of us.
We publish the Calumny Regis-
We Dodge about the state in
regular tours. We are doing a
We are supei'vised in our work
by the reporters of news. Mr. li.
Pharris and Mr. A. Bilker.son.
We have a stenographer. Miss
Ethereal Reward. We also have
in our employ a splashing full-
back. Jack (ih-Hell, who, inciden-
tally, has licked more stamps than
he has games.
Dick says much more, but we
wouldn't think of letting it get in
We think our regime has been
unusually successful, which is only
natural since we are extraordinary
We reign supreme in love. law.
1 â€” Dean Mordecai discovers <.'Iark
is taking law.
.] â€” '-Old Kate" and Old Kate
1 av'';l school.
15 â€” Frank Warner delivers up an
oration before tbe Y. M. * '. A.
on the "Glory of Shacking."
Miss Frances Holmes conclud-
(f'ontinued on Page 4>
Just Out! Just Out! Just Out!
THK PII.IT/.FK I'KI/i: BOOKâ€” TIIK NOBI.K PKI/.K BOOK
"\\hat I I. â€¢â€¢limed Iriim M Hmeii." or
"Tlie Trials and Tribulations of a Handsome Fnllbark.'*
By Hack Oh-Hell
Cne of the m
Cities." A frank discussion by a man of experience of the
many problems which confront every confirmed wooer.
FIFTEEN Vt^LUMES â€” FIFTEEN CENTS
(Not More Than Ten Sets to a Customer)
THE FLUKE ITY-ITY
B.v The Tattler
Flukr altounds with mystery â€”
and scandal ! Every boy has his
S. ai. (soul mate) (reference W.
F. C. , Jr.) and every girl her
S. r. (reference S â€” C â€” ). The
Tattler is of the opinion that
Fluke should produce no flowers
"to blusli unseen." but shouUl
make known to the public these
buds and full blown Howers(?) of
love in all their beautj'. Such is
Early to bed and early to rise â€”
and you'll never meet any of the
W. F. T. : ""Sunie co-eds do bad
things, but they're so good at it."
"Se waf nv, pure as the snow,
but slu' drifted."
Why does robust S. W. P. sleep
with his window open in all kinds
of night weather? He heard that
there was a girl burglar operating
on the campus,
Kate: "A shmilder strap is an
important little article, isn't it?"
Placate: "Yes, it's the only
thing that keejis an atti-action
from becoming a sensation."
And another favaiite saying of
the co-ed is, "Familiarity breeds
"You are keeping something
from me," hi.ssed the villain.
"Cci-tainly," said the sweet
young thing. "I ain't no Salome."
The new inusieal comedy came
to tdwn. The billboards read:
"Fifty Beautiful Girls!"
"Forty- five Gorgeous Costumes!"
Ten students wej-e killed and
several dozen horribly mangled in
the lush at the opening perform-
"Grain," the cereal story of the
corn- fed society of Huskyvillc. A
story dealing frankly with the
passions of men and women.
Startled New York, Freeman
Twaddle, Gay Alley, and H. U
Mencken; tnld without asterisks,
dashes, nr Jillusiotis. Every ehap-
1 1T cuniplete aiKl nil censored.
(Continued from Page 3)
ing the program with solo.
"Abide With Me."
â€” Sam Vest is informed of
Christmas holidays, but re-
mains dubious until he sees
Ken Few's sled.
â€” Craven falls again.
â€” Soup Porter sings "Bright
Eyes" to the Women's Club.
and Dr. Garber continues his
lectures on relations.
â€” Herring masters Dean's line,
but loses its effect when he
fails to use "toe class."
â€” Dean Hunt, at point of death,
is brought to campus on
stretcher that he may dia-
gram layout of steam, water,
and power lines before he
â€” Dean Hunt recovers, and dia-
.r;ram is destroyed.
â€” Student body forces Dean to
â€”10:30 A.M.: Law I Clai?s in-
forms Prof. Lockhart of his
exam fnr that day.
â€” i'Vank .Jordan flunks Phvsics
â€” â– â– Shine" Re]] writes open t'n-
rum on "Shining."
â€”Sam Bundy has a birthday
and sends congratulations to
â€”Shipley changes sheets for sec-
â€” Jordan flunlis again.
â€” DeHart presents John Frank
statement for his admission to
all football games during the
fall season. Frank remits,
but refuses to pay rental on
â€”"Ed" Cannon feeds "Lib"
Roberts. "Lib" eats.
â€”Exams over. Ferdy Dixon
learns he can stay in school
â€”Holiday; public exercises; stu-
dent body sleeps.
â€”"Never Graduate Club" or-
ganizes as follows: Frank
Warner, President ; Charles
Dixon, Vice-President: Charles
Pegram, Secretary; John
Westbrook. Treasurer; Miss
Anne Ratlego of Advance, N.
C., was elected to honorary
-Dean Whalafaker and Firpo
clash in Junior Class meeting.
â€”Dr. Cotton continues his lec-
tures on Ec. (5 on "The Lad."
-All Fools Day. Quite a few
-Manager Porter takes Glee
Club on a "play as you go"
-Ciaven still in love.
-Brock Rcitzcl running him a
RECIPROCITY IN THK (;RKAT
(Without Apologies to Dean Hunt)
Inside a Jarvis Hall room,
One cold Sunday morn,
I stood beside a radiator
Trying to keep warm.
My roommate lay upon the bed,
Slowly freezing there.
And every word that he spoke
Froze upon the cliilly air.
Softly he whispered to meâ€”
(Poor fellow, he was going fast).
I swore to do as he bid me.
For I knew that it was his last.
"Tell Dear Old Dean Hunt,
That as I lay upon the bed.
Fret zing from the tips o' toes
To the hairs upon my head.
That I was thinking of him.
And in my heart there was a
Tliat when I get to heaven
Where all is warm and fail'.
And when I look and sec him
In the regions far below,
I'll say, 'St. Peter, don't burn him;
Just cover him with ice and
Anil tell him, dear old roomie.
That Paradise it will be
To watch him freeze and suffer
As he froze both you and me."
1 â€” .\nnual May Day festivities.
Red Wall crowned king.
12 â€” With the coming of warm
weather, "Daddy" Gates gets
annual hair cut.
9 â€” Scarcity of liuke diplomas an-
nounced. Many forced to go
12 â€” Flag pote is erected. I^ong
mn>- '2(1 rave!
"Si" Young is to leave this fall
for Columbia University, where he
is to take a course in "The Psy-
chology of Women." His engage-
ment to Eleanor Glyn is greeted
with much interest among a wide
circle of friends and admirers.
On account of "Bad Herring,"
quite a numljer of unsound, would-
be students were forced to lea\e
our midst at the close of the first
term. An application of "Herh-s"
should bring their "Herring" back
to his natural state.
It is with )iliasuiH' that wc an-
nounee. that "Red" Bird, of Chel-
sea, Mass., has been chosen as all-
Fluke, awl-full, all-time athlete at
THE SOPE SHOP
NKW MANAGEMENT â€” NEW POLICIES
COMFORTARLE SEATS â€” PreIHT CO-EdS â€” SPITTOONS
The Best Bull-Slingers on the Campus
Sessions During Chapel Under the Personal Direction of
Jinks, Sam, Soup, and Red
FREE WATER, MAJTIIES, SEATS
All Given Without Question
Only the Best I'lothiers and Peddlers Show Their Wares in
White Cows, Black Cows, Dopes, Smokes
â– SHIRTS" (iODFREV, Mamir/rr, Ex. 27
I.el Is Ciish Voiir Cheeks â€” If U Is ISikI, \\v Will Onl.v
Post Vonr Niiinv
"WANTED â€” A friend whn is nei-
ther sore for being left out. nor
sore beeause put in. mad. pee\'etl.
eussing, critieising. or ridiculins.
If you ean fill the bill, Little Sun-
shine, apply to the Editor of the
JOHNNIE LESS: â– â– Sinee read-
ing your book of etiquette, 'How
to Be a Gentleman,' I feel thor-
oughly capable of meeting any
anywhere, any time; I am now
hunting one." â€” Adv.
WHEN IN NEED of low class,
defective work, call on Sleuth
Davis. He has the picture and
finger print of every rogue and
crook on the Fluke Campus.
Years of association make him
especially fitted for this work.
Gi\-e him a trial. â€” Adv.
FOR SALE â€” At a bargain, our
monopoly on the Fluke Faculty
and their offspring. Reasons, un-
satisfactorj'. K. A. F.
WANTEDâ€” Protection from in-
sistent co-eds. See Sammy Nuark.
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