Edward Lear.

The book of nonsense to which is added more nonsense : with all the original pictures and verses online

. (page 1 of 2)
Online LibraryEdward LearThe book of nonsense to which is added more nonsense : with all the original pictures and verses → online text (page 1 of 2)
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THE

BOOK OF NONSENSE



TO WHICH IS ADDED



MORE NONSENSE



BY



EDWARD LEAR



WITH ALL THE ORIGINAL PICTURES AND VERSES




NEW VDIiK

THOMAS Y. CROWELL COMPANY

PUBLISHERS



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PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA



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ORIGINAL DEDICATION

TO THE

GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, GRAND-NEPHEWS, AND GRAND-NIECES
OF EDWARD, 13TH EARL OF DERBY

THIS BOOK OF DRAWINGS AND VERSES

(The greater part of which were originally made and
composed for their parents)

IS DEDICATED BY

THE AUTHOR,
LONDON EDWARD LEAR



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ORIGINAL INTRODUCTION

ISSUED WITH THE FIRST EDITION OF

MORE NONSENSE

WHICH FORMS A PART OF THIS VOLUME

In offering this little Book to the Public, I am
glad to take the opportunity of recording the pleas-
ure I have received at the appreciation its prede-
cessor has met with, as attested by its wide circula-
tion, and by the universally kind notices of it from
the Press. To have been the means of administer-
ing innocent mirth to thousands, may surely be a
just motive for satisfaction, and an excuse for grate-
ful expression.

At the same time, I am desirous of adding a few
words as to the history of the previously published
volume viz., the first or original " Book of Non-
sense," relating to which many absurd reports have
crept into circulation, such as that it was the com-
position of the late Lord Brougham, the late Earl
of Derby, etc.; that the Rhymes and Pictures are by
different persons; or that the whole have a symboli-
cal meaning, etc., etc.; whereas, every one of the
Rhymes was composed by myself, and every one of
the Illustrations drawn by my own hand at the time
the verses were made. Moreover, in no portion of



these Nonsense drawings have I ever allowed any
caricature of private or public persons to appear;
and throughout, more care than might be supposed
has been given to make the subjects incapable of
misinterpretation : " Nonsense," pure and absolute,
having been by aim throughout.

As for the persistently absurd report of the late
Earl of Derby being the author of the " First Book
of Nonsense," I may relate an incident which oc-
curred to me four summers ago, the first that gave
me any insight into the origin of the rumour.

I was on my way from London to Guildford, in
a railway carriage, containing, besides myself, one
passenger, an elderly gentleman. Presently, how-
ever, two ladies entered, accompanied by two little
boys. These, who had just had a copy of the " Book
of Nonsense ' given them, were loud in their de-
light, and by degrees infected the whole party with
their mirth.

" How grateful," said the old gentleman to the
two ladies, " all children and parents too ought to be
to the statesman who has given his time to compos-
ing that charming book ! '

(The ladies looked puzzled, as indeed was I, the
Author. )

"Do you not know who is the writer of it?'
asked the gentleman.

" The name is ' Edward Lear,' ' said one of the
ladies.

" Ah! ' said the first speaker; " so it is printed,
but that is only a whim of the real author, the Earl
of Derby. ' Edward ' is his Christian name, and,



as you may see, LEAR is only EARL transposed."
' But," said the lady, doubtingly, " here is a dedi-
cation to the great-grandchildren, grand-nephews,
and grand-nieces of Edward, thirteenth Earl of
Derby, by the author, Edward Lear."

That," replied the other, " is simply a piece of
mystification; I am in a position to know that the
whole book was composed and illustrated by Lord
Derby himself. In fact, there is no such person at
all as Edward Lear."

Yet," said the other lady, " some friends of
mine tell me they know Mr. Lear."

' Quite a mistake ! completely a mistake ! ' said
the old gentleman, becoming rather angry at the
contradiction, " I am well aware of what I am say-
ing. I can inform you, no such a person as * Ed-
ward Lear ' exists ! '

Hitherto I had kept silence, but as my hat was, as
well as my handkerchief and stick, largely marked
inside with my name, and, as I happened to have in
my pocket several letters addressed to me, the temp-
tation was too great to resist, so, flashing all these
articles at once on my would-be extinguisher's atten-
tion, I speedily reduced him to silence.

Long years ago, in days when much of my time
was passed in a country house, where children and
mirth abounded, the lines beginning, u There was an
Old Man of Tobago," were suggested to me by a
valued friend, as a form of verse lending itself to
limitless variety for Rhymes and Pictures; and
thenceforth the greater part of the original drawings
and verses for the first " Book of Nonsense " were



struck off with a pen, no assistance ever having been
given me in any way but that of uproarious delight
and welcome at the appearance of every new ab-
surdity.

Most of these Drawings and Rhymes were repro-
duced and issued in the original " Book of Non-
sense." But many editions of that work having
been exhausted, and the call for it still continuing, I
added a considerable number of subjects to those
previously published, and these form the present
volume.

EDWARD LEAR.

VILLA EMILY, SAN REMO.




There was an Old Man with a beard, who said, " It

is just as I feared !

Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard! 1




There was a Young Lady of Ryde, whose shoe-
strings were seldom untied.

She purchased some clogs, and some small spotted
dogs,

And frequently walked about Ryde.




There was an Old Man with a nose, who said, If

you choose to suppose
That my nose is too long, you are certainly

wrong! '
That remarkable man with a nose.




There was an Old Man on a hill, who seldom, if

ever, stood still;

He ran up and down in his grandmother's gown,
Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.




There was a Young Lady whose bonnet came untied

when the birds sat upon it;

But she said, " I don't care ! all the birds in the air
Are welcome to sit on my bonnet ! '




There was a Young Person of Smyrna, whose grand-
mother threatened to burn her;
But she seized on the cat, and said, " Granny, burn
that!

You incongruous old woman of Smyrna ! "



4




There was an Old Person of Chili, whose conduct

was painful and silly;

He sat on the stairs eating apples and pears,
That imprudent Old Person of Chili.




There was an Old Man with a gong, who bumped at

it all the day long;
But they called out " Oh, law! you're a horrid old

bore!"
So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.




There was an Old Lady of Chertsey, who made a

remarkable curtsey;

She twirled round and round till she sank under-
ground,

Which distressed all the people of Chertsey,




There was an Old Man in a tree, who was horribly

bored by a bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?" he replied,

"Yes, it does!
It's a regular brute of a bee 1 "



8




There was an Old Man with a flute. A " sarpint "

ran into his boot;
But he played day and night, till the " sarpint '

took flight,
And avoided that man with a flute.




There was a Young Lady whose chin resembled the

point of a pin;

So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.



10




There was an Old Man of Kilkenny, who never had

more than a penny;

He spent all that money in onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.




ihere was an Old Person of Ischia, whose conduct

grew friskier and friskier;
He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands

of figs,

That lively Old Person of Ischia.

ii




There was an Old Man in a boat, who said, I'm

afloat! I'm afloat!"
When they said, " No you ain't! ' he was ready

to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.




There was a Young Lady of Portugal, whose ideas

were excessively nautical;
She climbed up a tree to examine the sea,
But declared she would never leave PortugaL

12




There was an Old Man of Moldavia, who had the

most curious behaviour;
For while he was able he slept on a table,
, That funny Old Man of Moldavia.




There was an Old Man of Madras, who rode on a

cream-coloured ass;

But the length of its ears so promoted his fears,
That it killed that Old Man of Madras.

13




There was an Old Person of Leeds, whose head was

infested with beads;

She sat on a stool and ate gooseberry-fool.
Which agreed with that Person of Leeds.




There was an Old Person of Hurst, who drank when

he was not athirst;

When they said, "You'll grow fatter!' he an-
swered, " What matter? '

That globular Person of Hurst.




There was a Young Person of Crete, whose toilet

was far from complete;

She dressed in a sack spickle-speckled with black,
That ombliferous Person of Crete.





There was an Old Man of Columbia, who was thirsty

and called out for some beer!
But they brought it quite hot in a small copper

pot,

Which disgusted that Man of Columbia.

16




There was an Old Man of the Isles, whose face was

pervaded with smiles;
He sung " High dum diddle, " and played on the

fiddle,
That amiable man of the Isles.




There was an Old Person of Buda, whose conduct

grew ruder and ruder,
Till at last with a hammer they silenced his

clamour,
By smashing that Person of Buda.



18




There was a Young Lady of Dorking, who bought a

large bonnet for walking;
But its colour and size so bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.




There was an Old Man of the West, who wore a

pale plum-coloured vest;
When they said, " Does it fit? " he replied, " Not

a bit!"
That uneasy Old Man of the West.




There was an Old Man of Vienna, who lived upon

tincture of senna;

When that did not agree he took camomile tea,
That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

20




There was an Old Man who supposed that the street

door was partially closed;
But some very large rats ate his coats and his

hats,
While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.




There was an Old Man of the Wrekin, whose shoes

made a horrible creaking;
But they said, " Tell us whether your shoes are of

leather,

Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin? "

21




There was a Young Lady whose eyes were unique as

to color and size;
When she opened them wide, people all turned

aside,
And started away in surprise.



22




There was a Young Lady of Norway, who casually

sat in a doorway;
When the door squeezed her flat, she exclaimed,

"What of that!"
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.




There was an Old Person whose habits induced him

to feed upon rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen he turned perfectly

green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits,




There was an Old Person of Dover, who rushed

through a field of blue clover;
But some very large bees stung his nose and his

knees,
So he very soon went back to Dover.

24




There was an Old Man of Marseilles, whose daugh-
ters wore bottle-green veils;
They caught several fish, which they put in a
dish,

And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.




There was an Old Person of Cadiz, who was al-
ways polite to the ladies;

But in handing his daughter, he fell into the
water,

Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.

25




There was an Old Man of Quebec, a beetle ran

over his neck;
But he cried, With a needle I'll slay you, O

beadle ! "
That angry Old Man of Quebec.



26




There was an Old Person of Basing, whose pres-
ence of mind was amazing;

He purchased a steed, which he rode at full speed,
And escaped from the people of Basing.




There was an Old Person of Philae, whose conduct

was dubious and wily;
He rushed up a palm when the weather was

calm,

And observed all the ruins of Philae.

27




There was a Young Lady whose nose was so long

that it reached to her toes;
So she hired an old lady, whose conduct was

steady,
To carry that wonderful nose.




There was an Old Man with a poker, who painted

his face with red ochre ;
When they said, " You're a Guy! ' he made no

reply,

But knocked them all down with his poker.

28




There was a Young Lady of Bute, who played on a

silver-gilt flute;

She played several jigs to her uncle's white pigs,
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.




There was an Old Person of Mold, who shrank

from sensations of cold;
So he purchased some muffs, some furs, and some

fluffs,

And wrapped himself up from the cold.

29




There was an Old Person of Prague, who was sud-
denly seized with the plague;
But they gave him some butter, which caused him
to mutter,

And cured that Old Person of Prague.




There was an Old Man of the North, who fell into

a basin of broth;

But a laudable cook fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that Old Man of the North.

30




There was an Old Man of Apulia, whose conduct

was very peculiar;

He fed twenty sons upon nothing but buns,
That whimsical Man of Apulia.




There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi, so blind

that he couldn't his foot see;
When they said, " That's your toe! ' he replied,

"Is it so?"
That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.

31




There was an Old Man of Vesuvius, who studied

the works of Vitruvius;
When the flames burnt his book, to drinking he

took,
That Morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.




There was an Old Man of Peru, who watched his

wife making a stew;

But once by mistake, in a stove she did bake
That unfortunate Man of Peru.

32




There was an Old Man of Corfu, who never knew

what he should do;
So he rushed up and down till the sun made him

brown,
That bewildered Old Man of Corfu.





There was an Old Man of Melrose, who walked on

the tips of his toes;
But they said, " It ain't pleasant to see you at

present,
You stupid Old Man of Melrose."

33




There was a Young Lady of Lucca, whose lovers

completely forsook her;

She ran up a tree, and said, " Fiddle-de-dee ! '
Which embarrassed the people of Lucca.




There was an Old Man of Bohemia, whose daugh-
ter was christened Euphemia;
But one day, to his grief, she married a thief,
Which grieved that Old Man of Bohemia.

34




There was an Old Man of Nepaul, from his horse

had a terrible fall;
But, though split quite in two, with some very

strong glue
They mended that Man of Nepaul.




There was an Old Man of Cape Horn, frho wished

he had never been born;
So he sat on a chair, till he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn,

35




There was an Old Lady whose folly induced her to

sit in a holly;

Whereupon, by a thorn her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.




There was an Old Person of Rhodes, who strongly

objected to toads;

He paid several cousins to catch them by dozens,
That futile Old Person of Rhodes.

36




There was an Old Man of the South, who had an

immoderate mouth;
But in swallowing a dish, that was quite full of

fish,
He was choked, that Old Man of the South.



37




There was an Old Man of the Nile, who sharpened

his nails with a file,
Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, ' This

comes
Of sharpening one's nails with a file! '




There was an Old Person of Rheims, who was

troubled with horrible dreams;
So, to keep him awake, they fed him on cake,
Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.




There was an Old Person of Troy, whose drink

was warm brandy and soy,

Which he took with a spoon, by the light of the
moon,



111UU11,

In sight of the city of Troy.

39




There was an Old Person of Cromer, who stood on

one leg to read Homer;
When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the

cliff,
Which concluded that Person of Cromer.



40




There was an Old Man of the Dee, who was sadly

annoyed by a flea;
When he said, " I will scratch it," they gave him

a hatchet,
Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.




There was an Old Man of Dundee, who frequented

the top of a tree;

When disturbed by the crows, he abruptly arose,
And exclaimed, " I'll return to Dundee."

41





There was an Old Person of Tring, who embel-
lished his nose with a ring;
He gazed at the moon every evening in June,
That ecstatic Old Person of Tring.




There was an Old Man on some rocks, who shut

his wife up in a box;
When she said, u Let me out ! ' he exclaimed,

" Without doubt,

You will pass all your life in that box."

42




There was an Old Man of Coblenz, the length of

whose legs was immense;

He went with one prance from Turkey to France,
That surprising Old Man of Coblenz.




There was an Old Man in a pew, whose waistcoat

was spotted with blue;
But he tore it in pieces to give to his nieces,
That cheerful Old Man in a pew.

43




There was an Old Man of Calcutta, who perpetually

ate bread and butter,

Till a great bit of muffin, on which he was stuff-
ing,

Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta.



44




pfhere was an Old Man who said, " How shall I

flee from that horrible cow?
I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow."




There was a Young Lady of Hull, who was chased

by a virulent bull ;
But she seized on a spade, and called out, " Who's

afraid?"
Which distracted that virulent bull.



45




There was an Old Man of Whitehaven, who danced

a quadrille with a raven;
But they said, ' It's absurd to encourage this

bird!"
So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.




There was an Old Man of Leghorn, the smallest

that ever was born;

But quickly snapped up he was once by a puppy,
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.




There was an Old Man of Jamaica, who suddenly

married a Quaker;
But she cried out, 'Alack! I have married a

black!"
Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.

47





There was an Old Man of the Hague, whose ideas

were excessively vague;
He built a balloon to examine the moon,
That deluded Old Man of the Hague.



48




There was an Old Person of Button, whose head

was as small as a button;
So, to make it look big, he purchased a wig,
And rapidly rushed about Button.



49




There was a Young Lady of Tyre, who swept the

loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the

deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.





There was an Old Man who said, " Hush! I per-
ceive a young bird in this bush ! '
When they said, " Is it small? " he replied, " Not

at all!

It is four times as big as the bush! '

50




There was an Old Man of the East, who gave all

his children a feast;
But they all ate so much, and their conduct was

such,
That it killed that Old Man of the East.




There was an Old Man of Kamschatka, who pos-
sessed a remarkably fat cur;
His gait and his waddle were held as a model
To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.





There was an Old Man of the coast, who placidly

sat on a post;

But when it was cold he relinquished his hold,
And called for some hot buttered toast.




There was an Old Man of the West, who never

could get any rest;

So they set him to spin on his nose and his chin,
Which cured that Old Man of the West.

52




There was an Old Person of Bangor, whose face

was distorted with anger!
He tore off his boots, and subsisted on roots,
That irascible Person of Bangor.




There was an Old Man with a beard, who sat on a

horse when he reared;
But they said, " Never mind ! you will fall off

behind,
You propitious Old Man with a beard! '

53




There was an Old Person of Anerley, whose con-
duct was strange and unmannerly;
He rushed down the Strand, with a pig in each
hand,

But returned in the evening to Anerley.




There was a Young Lady of Troy, whom several

large flies did annoy;
Some she killed with a thump, some she drowned

at the pump,
And some she took with her to Troy

54




There was an Old Man of Berlin, whose form was

uncommonly thin;

Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in a cake,
So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.




There was a Young Lady of Russia, who screamed

so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme, no one heard such

a scream
As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.

55




There was an Old Person of Spain, who hated all

trouble and pain;

So he sat on a chair, with his feet in the air,
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.




There was an Old Man who said, Well! will no-
body answer this bell?

I have pulled day and night, till my hair has
grown white,

But nobody answers this bell ! '



57




There was a Young Lady of Wales, who caught a

large fish without scales;
When she lifted her hook she exclaimed, " Only

look!"
That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.




There was a Young Lady of Welling, whose praise

all the world was a-telling;

She played on a harp, and caught several carp,
That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.



59




There was an Old Person of Cheadle, who was put

in the stocks by the beadle
For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some

wigs,
That horrible Person of Cheadle.




There was an Old Person of Chester, whom several

small children did pester;
They threw some large stones, which broke most

of his bones,

And displeased that Old Person of Chester.

60




There was an Old Person of Tartary, who divided

his jugular artery;
But he screeched to his wife, and she said, u Oh,

my life!
Your death will be felt by all Tartary! "




There was an Old Person of Gretna, who rushed

down the crater of Etna ;
When they said, " Is it hot? " he replied, " No,

it's not! "

That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.

61




There was an Old Man with an owl, who continued

to bother and howl;

He sat on a rail and imbibed bitter ale,
Which refreshed that Old Man and his owl.



62




There was a Young Lady of Sweden, who went by

the slow train to Weedon ;
When they cried, " Weedon Station ! 1 she made

no observation,
But thought she should go back to Sweden.





There was a Young Girl of Majorca, whose aunt

was a very fast walker;
She walked seventy miles, and leaped fifteen

stiles,
Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.




There was an Old Man of the Cape, who possessed

a large Barbary ape,
Till the ape one dark night set the house all

alight,
Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.




There was an Old Lady of Prague, whose language

was horribly vague;

When they said, " Are these caps?' she an-
swered, " Perhaps! '

That oracular Lady of Prague.




There was a Young Lady of Clare, who was sadly

pursued by a bear;

When she found she was tired, she abruptly ex-
pired,

That unfortunate Lady of Clare.

65




There was an Old Person of Sparta, who had

twenty-five sons and one " darter";
He fed them on snails, and weighed them in
scales,

That wonderful Person of Sparta.



66




There was an Old Man at a casement, who held up

his hands in amazement;
When they said, " Sir, you'll fall 1 ' he replied,

"Not at all!"
That incipient Old Man at a casement.




There was an Old Person of Ems, who casually

fell in the Thames;
And when he was found they said he was

drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.




There was an Old Man on whose nose, most birds

of the air could repose;

But they all flew away at the closing of day,
Which relieved that Old Man arid his nose.

68




There was a Young Lady of Parma, whose conduct

grew calmer and calmer;
When they said, ' Are you dumb ? she merely

said, " Hum ! "
That provoking Young Lady of Parma.





There was an Old Person of Burton, whose answers

were rather uncertain;
When they said, "How d'ye do?' he replied,

"Who are you?"
That distressing Old Person of Burton.



70




There was an Old Man of Aosta, who possessed a

large cow, but he lost her;
But they said, " Don't you see she has rushed up

a tree?
You invidious Old Man of Aosta! "




There was an Old Person of Ewell, who chiefly

subsisted on gruel;

But to make it more nice he inserted some mice,
Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.



72




There was a Young Person of Bantry, who fre-
quently slept in the pantry;

When disturbed by the Mice, she appeased them
with rice,

That judicious Young Person of Bantry.




There was an Old Man at a Junction, whose feelings

were wrung with compunction,
When they said, " The Train's gone ! ' He ex-
claimed, " How forlorn ! '
But remained on the rails of the Junction.

73




There was an Old Man, who when little fell cas-
ually into a Kettle;

But, growing too stout, he could never get out,
So he passed all his life in that Kettle.



74




There was an Old Man whose despair induced him


1

Online LibraryEdward LearThe book of nonsense to which is added more nonsense : with all the original pictures and verses → online text (page 1 of 2)