Emma Florence Cunliffe.

Southern accent, Sept. 2008-Apr. 2009 (Volume v.64) online

. (page 63 of 63)
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All for $150. Call Jonathan at

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Call Jonathan at 423-605-

This is Campus
Safety and we
approve this



Ways to have fun this summer

Adam Wamack

Humor Editor

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Yes, yes, I know; you ALL
wish that school could just
go on and on all year round,
I hear you; but the sad fact of
life is that we do indeed have
summer vacations. Now, IF
you get depressed with all the
inglorious free time, unre-
laxing days at the beach, the
horrible feeling of liberation
and freedom and all the other
dirties of vacation, I am your
man. I have come up with a
list of things that you can do to
pass all of the time and to pass
it wisely.

1. Read a book.

2. Start your doctoral dis-

3. Study for next year's

are four of the prime beaches
to hit up WHEN you go there.
Check 'em out, homes!

4. Do major-related stuff
(ie: develop weekly work-plans
if you're an education major;
or dissect cute, little kitties if
you're a nursing major).

5. Or, if you think that the
summer is great, relaxing, lib-
erating and the best feeling
you've had in ages, then keep

Siesta Beach: (Less than 50
miles south of Tampa)

This beach has been said to
have the whitest and the finest
sand in* the entire world. It is
99 percent quartz and reflects
the heat of the sun so well that
it stays cool even on the hot-
test of days. This beach is ac-
tually on Siesta Key, which is
a barrier island between Sara-
sota Bay and the Gulf of Mex-
ico. Youll want to get there
early and make a day out of it
because the 800 parking spots
fill up rather quickly.

Ft. Lauderdale (Less than
40 miles north of Miami)

This beach, once known for
its wild spring-breakers, has
officially cleaned up its act.
Now it caters to the wilder side
of good-clean-funners and of-
fers a wide range of activities:
Boating, kayaking, windsurf-
ing, jet skiing, snorkeling,
scuba diving, offshore fishing
and white-water rafting! Okay,
that last one's not true, but you
still got all the other.ones! The
exquisite cuisine offered in the
surrounding area makes this
beach a true joining of worlds:
The wild and the sophisticated
all under one roo— I mean, un-
der one sun.

Hot Summer
Beach Spots:

You can try to suppress it,
you can try to fight it, you can
even deny it and lie to your-
self, but it would be easier to
just admit the truth: You know
that you want to go to Flori-
da this summer. The honest
truth is that it is just so nice
and warm and sunny, and you
can't help but feel happy to
be alive and school-free. "But
Adam, where oh where should
we go?" Well, I am glad you
asked. The answer is very sim-
ple; in fact it is only one word:
The beach! (Okay, well maybe
two words, but one's an article
and... you know what? Eng-
to lish class is over and you re-
™ ally don't care, do you? Cool,
me neither.) For those of you
who are Florida-illiterate, here

Cocoa Beach (Less than 50
miles east of Orlando)

The closest beach to Or-
lando, this is also the clos-
est beach to Disney World.
HEY! Don't try to hide your
excitement while you're read-
ing this just because you are
"older" and supposed to be
"mature," because yeah, I said
it: DISNEY WORLD! So when
you need a break from all the
theme parks, this is the per-
fect getaway! Here you will
find great sand, clear waters
and the famous Ron Jon Surf
Shop; and with its world-class
waves, this small wave capital
of the world is perfect for be-
ginner and experienced surf-
ers. Surfs up, dude!



Adam Wamack

Humor Editor

[email protected]

South Beach (Guess what,
it's IN Miami!)

This beach is world re-
nowned for the beautiful
people and lively night life
(you gotta love Miami, yes
indeeeedy!) Lined with great
restaurants and shops that
stay open past curfew, you'll
soon forget about that 11:15
garbage and start worrying
about that new shirt for $11.15
that says "Welcome to Miami"
on the front and has a big pic-
ture of Will Smith from '97 on
the back. The waves are big,
the surf is great and the sun is
hot; it's the place where you
can stay all night on the beach
until the break of dawn, yeah!
i Bienvenidos a Miami!

Seductive Sally vs. Compatible Cassie

(Please take note, this is the HUMOR page)

Katie Hammond
News Editor

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Hannah Kuntz
Copy Editor

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So Timid Tom, you thought
you had the last word? Wrong!
Just like all of the other
thoughts you've had about (
me this year. Even though
you're going to be lounging
at the pool next to Seductive
Sally, don't forget about me,
Compatible Cassie. I fear that
the summer may sabotage
all of my hard work. Getting
that "date" to the CK kept me
up night and day, or was that
the double shot of Roma? (if
you think using your student
ID to buy me a master burger
is a date. ..wrong again!) So I

made a list of why you should
pick me over Seductive Sally.
1. 1 probably won't be in the
sun as much as Sally, increas-
ing my longevity and your
time to (finally) court me.

2. Not to mention when
Seductive Sally's tan fades or
her makeup sweats off, you'll
need something intelligent to
talk to.

3. FYI: Dating campers
is actually... illegal. So that
makes me your ideal bait, and
I don't mean jail bait.

4. When you live in Ne-
braska, and there is more corn
than girls, the slim pickings of-
ten skew your standards. This
is why it is important to keep
my picture inside your jacket
pocket at all times (I know you
cut it out of the Joker).

So I wrote you a little rhyme:

So now summer is here,

And you are without a wife.

Your heart trembles in fear

You can't cook to save your life

You'll continue the search this summer

At your job, at camp and by the pool

She's not to be found, what a bummer

Guess you'll have to wait to get back to school

Compatible Cassie is waiting

It's time to start your dating.

Online LibraryEmma Florence CunliffeSouthern accent, Sept. 2008-Apr. 2009 (Volume v.64) → online text (page 63 of 63)