Emma Florence Cunliffe.

Southern accent, Sept. 2008-Apr. 2009 (Volume v.64) online

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I take that Thormine in the
liquid form at the drug store.
It's for crazy people. Those
religious people just pass me
off to the next person. Don't

need money. I've got money.
That Missouri check... Ten-
nessee isn't what it used to
be." He paused and looked at
us from under the heavy folds
of his eyelids. "I might not re-
member you, you know." He
lifted the brown cowboy hat to
scratch his creased forehead.
"Maybe I'll remember, but...
prob'ly not."

After forty-five minutes, he
still held the same cigarette
butt in his left hand without
having taken a single drag.
On his knuckles ran letters in
faded blue ink: H-A-T-E. He
laughed in bitter tones above
the traffic looking over the
fields toward the veterans'
memorial. I knew none of the
statues there looked like Wil-
liam Grant.

A rebuttal of tired election cliches

Chad Higglns

I've heard it a million times
before: "I don't want to vote for
McCain, but I definitely don't
want Obama either," or vice
versa. It is not a new phenom-
enon that the general popula-
tion is not happy with the two
choices we have been given for
President. I distinctly remem-
ber the same thing back in '04
as well as previous elections.

But recent polls show that
60 percent of the population
would like a different choice.
Maybe this is so high because
people understand that both
main candidates argue over
minutiae and then essentially
agree on all the main issues.
Honestly, I have a hard time
deciding who is the lesser of
two evils.

And yet, that is how I am
supposed to make my decision.
- I have to choose who is going
to run this country into the
ground less, and if I happen
to vote for someone in a party
other than (gasp) the Demo-

cratic or Republican, then I
am wasting my vote. I'm sorry
to anyone who has ever used
the phrase, "waste your vote"
in that sense. I refuse to buy it.
In fact, I sincerely believe that
there is no bigger waste of a
vote than voting for someone
who stands for things we op-
pose. I am not telling you who
to vote for, I am just going to
tell you who not to vote for:
Neither of them.

The funny thing is that I
am not a person who natu-
rally leans in that direction.
I remember as a kid thinking
Ross Perot was weird, and I
scoffed when I heard a man
named Ralph Nader was run-
ning for the Green Party. I'm
pretty sure that qualifies me as
a normal voter. I don't know
what it is, but the media just
has a subtle way of portray-
ing those men and women as
on the fringe. It has been dis-
turbingly successful. The gen-
eral population is locked into
a mindset where voting on
principle is idealistic and ul-
timately pointless. But, if that

60 percent of the population
wanting another candidate got
off their couches, registered
and then voted on principle
instead of peer pressure, the
election outcomes would be
very different.

pretty much the same thing
to say. "We all agree on four
things that the main candi-
dates aren't addressing, and
we deserve to be included in
the debates." Watch the en-
tire press conference (which

Several weeks ago all of
the candidates currently on
enough ballots to theoreti-
cally secure the election held
a press conference covered by
C-Span. The astonishing thing
about the meeting was that all
the third party candidates had

Photo by Marlin thorman

can be found with a simple
search on YouTube by typing
in "third party press confer-
ence" or similar keywords) to
find out why they are excluded
from mainstream presidential

What's more amazing is

that the things they agreed
on weren't off the wall issues
like national pet healthcare or
wind powered cars. They were
about issues like protecting a
citizen's personal privacy and
constraining the power of the
Federal Reserve. The press
conference gives us an idea of
how often we are snowballed
by the mainstream media and
the established parties, and
how little the pertinent top-
ics are actually addressed. It
seems we know less than we
think. But if we hope to make
an informed decision on Elec-
tion Day it only makes sense
that we should be familiar with
ALL of the candidates and the
positions they hold.

We cannot hope for things
to change or even for our re-
public to survive if we aren't
armed with the truth. While
we need change, I believe that
neither of the two favored can-
didates offers any. (Would you
like a bailout or a Bailout?)
Don't waste your vote. You
have more options.




Rachel Hopkins

Lifestyles Editor

[email protected]

A fresh read (and why 1 don't like books)

Rachel Hopkins

ItpicTYin Fnrmw

Reading is good for you. I 'm
pretty sure they've done a lot
of scientific studies about it,
so it's totally a fact now. And
a great way to read is out of a
book. I think I remember lik-
ing books, but once 1 got to
college that all changed. I can
thank my professors for that.
Side note: I have a theory
that involves teachers whose
names begin with "Dr." and
the amount of reading they
require in class, but that's for
another m'ticle.

My point is this: reading
out of a book is not as pleasur-
able for me as it once was, and
thafs why 1 love magazines.
But reading magazines can be
an iffy pastime as well. News-
week stresses me out and Elle
makes me feel like a poor, be-
low average looking person.
Is there a magazine out there
that is intelligent AND light
hearted? The answer is yes.

Mental Floss Magazine is
the perfect read for anyone
who has a sense of humor and
brain. Each issue includes a
"Right Brain" section focus-
ing on a work of liberal art (a
book, painting, movie, song,
etc) and "Left Brain" section
focusing on a person, event

or idea from the world of sci-
ence and technology, and a
scatterbrained section with 10
pages of loosely related trivia
organized into tiny articles. Is-
sues also include a "Dead Guy
Interview," which is a ficti-
tious interview with a famous
person from history, a ran-
dom trivia quiz and "Spin the
Globe," a section focuses on a
different country each issue.

My point is

this, reading out

of a book is not

as pleasurable

for me as it once

- was, and that's

why I love

magazines. -

Features are always at-
tention grabbing and fun.
Tales from the Dork Side: A
Short History of Hacking,
The Wildest Rides To The
White House, and 37 Fads
that Swept the Nation are few
examples from past publica-

Not only is the content in-
teresting, but the magazine is
also low on advertising. This
is a plus while you're reading

Get Your GrCCn On

Vexation: All that waste
from disposable plastic wa-
ter bottles. Solution: Carry
a permanent, washable wa-
ter bottle.

Implementation: You
can get a hard plastic water
bottle at the campus shop,
or just about anywhere else
for that matter. If you live
in the dorm, look for bottles
with large mouths so that
they 11 be easier to clean.

Clarification: Aside
from the landfill issue, the
energy wasted using bottled
water could power 190,000
homes, and the oil used in
making all of the bottles for
the U.S. could fuel 100,000
cars. And if you've been us-
ing Aquafina and Dasani to
eat up your minimum, talk
to campus ministries about
projects that may need food
donations instead.

Info from ReJUlnotlandfill.org

but does result in a drawback.
Mental Floss is a little pricier
then your average checkout
line read. A year's subscrip-
tion will cost just over $20,
but they only put out 6 is-
sues a year (one issue every
two months). Also, you won't
find it in a store, not even at
Barnes and Nobles, so a sub-
scription is kind of necessary
to enjoy it.

Overall, Mental Floss is
a fresh read that deserves a
look. If you want to order a Mental Floss magazine
subscription or just find out
more, visit their website at


of theWeek

If you had a million dollars to pimp
your room with, what would you do?

"Put in a sunroof ceiling, a revolving closet and a water

— Lori Foust

"I'd get a really awesome couch... obviously I wasn't meant
to be rich."

—Chelsea Inglish

"I would make it into a motorcycle shop/juice bar/mas-
sage therapy and fitness center with Bose Speakers and a
62-inch plasma TV to watch the Cowboys on (and everything
would be in the Cowboys colors)!"

—Alex Bolafios "

"Install a hot tub, fish tank walls, indoor skydiving and
four showerheads in my shower."
—Nicole Ley

"I'd buy a bunch of posters, a really nice bedspread and
some curtains. That would be nice."
—Bill Dudgeon

"I would pay off my college debt and get a blown-up ver-
sion of the receipt to hang on my wall."
—Brandon Robison


Not sure what to do this week-
end? Here are a few ideas to
get you headed in the right

Jukebox Junction Fam-
ily Theater

Rock 'n' Roll Revue - '50s
and '60s Music Memories

Chattanooga Choo Choo,
1400 Market St.

7:30 p.m., Thursdays and

$20 for adults ($13 for lo-


Binational Hispanic
Health Fair

Coolidge Park Pavillion
2-5 p.m., Sunday, Oct. 5

Three Sisters Music Fes-

Top Names in contemporary
and traditional bluegrass.
Ross's Landing
'Till 11 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 4

Michael Ruble Concert

Thomson-Boling Arena
8 p.m., Sunday, Oct. 5
Ticket prices vary

Hunter Museum of |
American Art

Free First Sunday

10 Bluff View, Chattanooga

Noon - 5 p.m., Sunday, Oct
5 (and every first Sunday of the



Atlanta Greek Festival

Music, food, cooking demon-
strations, dancing performanc-
es, etc.

Greek Orthodox Cathedral,

Thursday, Oct. 2 throu#I
Sunday, Oct. 5




s ports


Zack Livingston

Sports Editor

[email protected]

Futsol fantasy here to stay?

Zack Livingston

Seqeh Fniroa

If you've been to a futsol
game recently you wouldn't be
able to tell that this is the first
year it's been offered as an in-
tramural sport. The' teams are
very skilled and look natural
in the three - court arena at
lies P.E. Center. This year was
simply a trial period, but with
this fall's success, it looks like
Futsol might be here to stay.

In the women's league,
Team Flyswatter took on
Viva la Vida Wednesday eve-
ning. Flyswatter jumped into
the lead in the first half 3 to
1 as the team's aggressive-
ness proved tough to beat.
Team Viva la Vida fought till
the end, but were simply no
match for Flyswatter power
players Jennifer Espinoza and
Lacey Edney.

"We had a great team effort
and we were in all the places

we needed to be," said Flyswat-
ter captain Silzie Vieira. "We
stayed strong with Jennifer
and Lacey's hustle throughout
the game."

Flyswatter finished the
game with 6 to Viva la Vida's
one point. Jennifer Espinoza
and Lacey Edney combined
for 4 of those 6 points as team
Flyswatter swatted their way
to victory.

In the men's division, team
Almost Fair faced team Farek
in a brutal beating that left fut-
sol fans amazed and nauseous.
Team Farek's goal seemed to
fall apart, while team Almost
Fair fired 13 goals into the net.

"The biggest key is that we
took shots on every single op-
portunity we had," said Al-
most Fair goalie, Alex Barrien-
tios. "Our offense is good, but
defense is what makes us great
and the other team didn't
make me work at all."

Although the game was
painful to watch at times,
it did display some stellar
sportsmanship by Southern
students. Team Farek failed
to score a single goal, but still
managed to pick up the pieces
and cheer for the other team in
the end.

"I think that Jay has magical
powers because that ball sticks
to his feet somehow," said
Grant Iverson, a senior math-
ematics major. "Every time we
took the ball from him, he still
managed to have it."

Thirteen to zero doesn't
sound like a fair game to you
does it? Then again, the team
name is Almost Fair, so I guess
it's okay. What 13 to o does say
is that there is much room for
improvement for some South-
ern futsol players, and now
that its most likely here to stay
southern, students will get
their chance to get better.

The NFC East dominates NFL

Davis Wallace

We are already five weeks
into the new NFL season and
it is clear to see that the NFC
East or the NFC beast is the
best division in football. The
defending Super Bowl cham-
pions, the New York Giants
have kicked off their season
with a bang by going a perfect
3-0 up to this point. Their
offense is currently ranked
E fourth in the league with 400
total yards per game. Their
defense, which played a huge
factor in their Super Bowl win
over New England back in
February, is ranked fourth in
total yards given up per game

tat 252.
Second in this profound
division stand the 3-1 Wash-
ington Redskins. Lead by
rookie Head Coach Jim 2brn,
Washington looked like they
were still in training camp
when they lost to the Giants
on opening night. However,
since week one they have won

three straight games scoring at
least 24 points in each game.
Similar to the Washington
Redskins, the defending NFC
East champions, Dallas Cow-
boys sit at a 3-1 record. They
have weapons up and down
the offensive side of the ball,
which is why they rank third
in points (30 per game), sec-
ond in total yards (416 per
game) and third in passing
yards (292 per game.) The
fourth and last team in the
NFC East standings is the 2-2
Philadelphia Eagles. They had
an impressive victory over the
Pittsburgh Steelers early this
season, and look to compete
all year with the other three
NFC East teams. However,
the one downfall with the Phil-
adelphia Eagles has been their
receiver core. This year they
rank fifth in passing yards per
game at 276. They can still al-
ways count on their great de-
fense with their blitz packages
which is why they rank first in
rush defense and third in to-

tal yards given up per game at

Still not convinced that this
is the best division in foot-
ball? Well Dallas' Tony Romo,
Philadelphia's Donovan Mc-
Nabb, New York's Eli Man-
ning and Washington's Jason
Campbell all have a QB rating
of 91 or more. Running backs
Marion Barber, Brian West-
brook, Brandon Jacobs, and
Clinton Portis all have at least
160 rushing yards with at least
a touchdown (along with solid
backups.) Finally, the Cow-
boys, Eagles and Giants are
3-0 against AFC foes this year.
In the end, only three teams
out of this potent division can
make the playoffs. So from
here on out every division
game between any two of these
teams will be a must win. Over
the past two seasons at least
three out of the four NFC East
teams have made the playoffs.
This year, I see the road to Su-
per Bowl XLIII going through
at least 2 NFC east teams.

Intramurals Schedule

Men's A league

10/2 6 PM Team Fresco/WeGetTheRuns Field 2

10/2 10 PM Just-Plavin/Mighty Professors Field 2

10/2 9 PM Mud Hens/Rebels Field 3

Men's B leagues

10/2 6 PM Sign-Up Bi/Crazy-Aces

Men's B2 League

Field 3

10/2 10 PM Dollar Zone/B2 A's

Women's A league

10/2 6 PM BB/Lunachicks
10/2 10 PM BB/Lunachicks

Women's B leag ue

Field 1
Field 1

10/2 8 PM Pink Ladies/Hot Tamales Field 1

10/2 8 PM Underdogs/Ultimatum Field 2

10/2 9 PM No Fear/Kung Fu Pandas Field 2

Photo by Hollie Macomber

Josh Carithers, Mitchell Deacon, Liesel Schram, Lauren Caradonna, Chris

Beddoe, Kirsten Woleott, and Jessie Ewing show off their awardsfrom the

Chattanooga Race for the Cure.

Race for the Cure results

Chris Beddoe
Kyle Benge
Josh Carithers



29 Mitchell Deacon



ifi-19 Oy prp" Nams

61 Kirsten Woleott

2 96 Jessica Ewing

3 206 Liesel Schram

«j q-S4 Overall Name


107 BrandiDonan




Food Drive: | NOW through
Nov. 21, Psi Chi will be hosting
a food drive to benefit the Sa-
maritan Center. Six donation
bins are located throughout
campus in Talge, Thatcher,
Thatcher South, the Village
Market, the Dining Hall and
Summerour. Donations will
benefit families in need
throughout the holiday sea-
son. What better way to help
use up those extra dollars on
your meal plan before the end
of the semester? Please be gra-
cious and donate a few NON-
PERISHABLE food items be-
tween now and Nov. 21 and
help make someone's holiday
season a little happier.
Enrollment Services Open
House | Come, meet and fel-
lowship with the Enrollment
Services staff on Wednesday,
Oct. 8, 2008 from 5:30 - 6:3op
in the Wright Hall Lobby. This
is our chance to get to know
you apart from the "business"
side of your college experi-
ence. Light refreshments will
be served. (Enrollment Ser-
vices staff includes Student Fi-
nance Counselors, Enrollment
Counselors, Admissions Staff
and others.)

Sunbelt Cohutta Springs
Triathlon | The 25th Annual
Sunbelt Cohutta Springs Tri-
athlon will take place on Oct. 5
at Cohutta Springs Conference
Center. For further details visit
the website: pe.southern.edu/
triathlon. Registration is from
10:30-11:458. Race instruc-
tion is at noon. Race begins

Wanted | Non-art major stu-
dents who would like to display
their work in an exhibit at Mc-
Kee Library during the month
of November. Plan ahead,
bring your work to the library
following mid-semester break.
For additional info call #2727
or contact [email protected]
edu or [email protected]
edu This is your opportunity
to display your artistic talents.
(Art majors have opportu-
nity to exhibit throughout the

December Graduates |
must order graduation rega-
lia and invitations at www.

I Inrnming pvpnts calendar:

October 3

3P -We-Pod: Leadership training
(Campus Ministries Seminar Room)

7:22p - Sunset

8p - InTents Vespers - Peter Gregory
(Tent by Wood Hall)

October 4

9:30-10:153 - Continental Breakfast
(Collegedale Church Fellowship Hall)

10:15a - Saltworks Sabbath School
(Seminar Room-upstairs)

9:75 Sabbath School (Collegedale
Church Fellowship Hall)

SMC Sabbath School (Gospel Chapel-

Adoration - John Nixon (Collegedale

11:30a - Connect - Alex Bryan (Col-
legedale Academy)

11:45a - Renewal- John Nixon (Col-
legedale Church)

t:3"-5P _ Cave Open (Student Park)

2:30p - Brazilian Club Evangelism
(Meet in front of Wright Hall)

3:30 . - Adventist Theological Soci-
ety Meeting- Dr. Stephen Bauer "Anne
Hutchinson, Assurance, and Adventist
Theology" (Lynn Wood Hall Chapel)

4p - Relationship/Sex Forum: Lee
Nevils - (Collegedale Church)

4:3op - Hurricane Ike Benefit Con-
cert-One Praise Gospel Choir (Tent by
Wood Hall)

7p - Evensong - Reader: Ray Min-
ner, Organist: Stephen Thorp (Church)

8:30p - All Night Softball Tourna-
ment (Ballfields)

la - Non-Participants in the Softball
Tournament must be signed into the
Residence Halls

October 5

10:30-11:458 - Registration and Ma-
terial Pick Up (Cohutta Springs Young

i2p - Race Instructions Begin (Cohut-
ta Springs Youth Camp)

i2:3op - Cohutta Springs Triathlon
(Cohutta Springs Youth Camp)

7:30p - Symphony Orchestra Con-
cert (Collegedale Church) Convocation

October 6

LSAT Exams (Lynn Wood)
No Field Trips or Tours
i-6p - Makeup Senior Picture Ses-
sion (Student Center)
3.30P - Undergraduate Council

October 7

No Field Trips or Tours

8:3oa-4p - Florence Oliver Anderson
Nursing Seminar (Collegedale Church)

i2p - Student Organizations Advisers
Meeting (Presidential Banquet Room)

6p - Tornado Siren Test
7 & lop - Residence Hall Joint Wor-
ship (Thatcher Hall)

October 8

No Field Trips or Tours

5p - "Faces of Power" Museum Open-
ing (Hackman Hall)

5:30-6:30p - Enrollment Services
Open House (Wright Hall Lobby)

7p - Museum Lecture (Hackman

7:l5p - SA Senate (White Oak Room)

8-9:30p - Inreach: Cookie Brigade
(Thatcher South)

October 9

National Depression Screening Day

No Field Trips or Tours

Southern Union Gymnastics Clinic

Society of Adventist Communicators,
Denver, CO

PreVTewSouthern 101

11a - Latin American Heritage, Con-
vocation Credit!

3:3op Graduate Council (Robert Mer-
chant Room)

5:45p - Club/Dept. Treasurer's Ori-
entation (Presidential Banquet Room)

7p - Modern Languages Film Series
(Miller Hall #201)

7:3op - Dr. Lee Spencer presents his
study on paleontology (McKee Library)

shop.jostens.com by the Oct.
28 deadline. All graduation
seniors for December or May
arerequired to turn in a senior
contract to the Records & Ad-
visement Office.

First Aid and CPR certifi-
cation classes | will be held
on Oct. 6 & 7 from 4-7P each
evening in Summerour Hall
Room 107. The instructor is
Steve Bontekoe. Fee is $25
for one or both classes, cash
or check only, to be paid at the
beginning of class. Partici-
pants must preregister by Oct.
3 at 1st floor bulletin board in
Summerour Hall. Final class-
es for this fall offered Sunday,
Nov. 16, 9:ooa-4:oop.
McKee Library | now opens

at 7:45a, Monday through Fri-

Senior class organization
meeting | is Tuesday, Oct. 14,
at 11:00a in 333 Brock 1 Hall.
Come and elect your officers
and sponsors. Convocation
credit will be given.
DEEP Weekend-On i Sab-
bath, Oct. 11 Oakwood Univer-
sity is coming to worship with
us in the Collegedale Seventh-
Day Adventist Church. They
will be joining us for the 11:45a
Renewal service. John Nixon
is preaching on last day events
and Oakwood's choir, The
Aeolians, will be performing
for the service. Also, Oakwood
will have musical groups that
will be performing in the lawn
concert at the Goliath Wall
that afternoon. Join us in wel-
coming the students from our
sister institution through wor-

ship, fellowship and praise.


October 3

Andrea Keele, Autumn Red-
mond, Bethany Iuliano, Betty
Garver, Brian Hustad, Christy
Kurtz, Curtis Prevo, Gene
Stewart, Jonathan Bussey,
Kendra Avila, Kimberly
Brown, Kristine Barker, Rai-
sel Valcarcel, Thomas Heindl
October 4

Bethany Norton, David Huis-
man, Gabriele Bourgeois, Jor-
dan Netzel, Larry Fish, Lor-
raine Park
October 5

Ann Reynolds, Bethany Cano-
sa, Christopher Bispham, Dan-
iel Olson, David Solis, Gareath
Murray, Rachel Martin, Ryan
Rogers, Victoria Davis

October 6

Cindy Johnson, Corey Mann,
Jared Manasco, Jason Ortega,
Katie Longo, Kyle Khadar,
Nick Clark, Sarah Sinz, Will
October 7

Ashley Creech, Bekah Reyn-
olds, Beth Narmore, Bethany
Clark, Brittany Cinquemani,
Dennis Steele, John Holbrook,
Keith Coon, Nathan Pizar,
Steven Doucoumes, Timothy
October 8

Crystal James, Jake Rocke,
Janessa Rogers, Lauren Kel-
Iey, Luke Miller, Tristan Shaw
October 9

Amanda Bailey, Amanda Val-
ladares, Dusty Sauder, Kevin
Barnhurst, Linda Williams,
Robert Dykes, Vernita Knoch,
Zaire Burgess Robinson




Guitar Lessons | Be a rock
star! Affordable guitar les-
sons, both group and indi-
vidual. Beginners and in-
termediate, flexible times.
Email Rika for more info at
[email protected]

Seeking female house-
mate | Looking for a female
to live with 3 other girls l mile
from Southern. Private room,
shared bath, wireless Internet,
cable, dining room, kitchen,
mud room, living room, porch
and big back yard $20o/mo.
plus water and utilities. Call
Melanie at 423-667-7564.

Marissa's Bakery | What do
you enjoy eating Friday eve-
ning for supper? Do you starve
on Sabbath mornings when
the cafe is closed? How about
some fresh banana bread?
delicious blueberry muffins?
Savory Cinnamon Rolls? If so,
call 916-847-9495, or email
[email protected]
edu with your order by 4 p.m.
every Thursday afternoon

Dell Axim X5 pocket PC |

300 mhz, lG extended mem-
ory. Never been used. Got left
in a box during move. Will sell
for $35. Contact Jonathan at

Rooms for rent | 2 rooms
for rent for female students.
Located 7 miles from Colleg-
edale, 3 miles from Ooltewah.
Access to kitchen, laundry,
cable and wireless Internet.
Quiet home in the country
with large deck. Available im-
mediately for $85 a week. Call
Angela cell: 423-280-3243

Online LibraryEmma Florence CunliffeSouthern accent, Sept. 2008-Apr. 2009 (Volume v.64) → online text (page 9 of 63)