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This edition, printed on Japan paper, is
limited to two hundred and four copies,
of which this is



No



FRANK R. STOCKTON
VOLUME II



THE SQUIRREL INN *
THE MERRY CHANTER



THE NOVELS AND STORIES OK
FRANK R. STOCKTON

THE SQUIRREL INN t
THE MERRY CHANTER




NEW YORK

CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS
1899



a .K ^ ^mur^b t<yv\



I







Then together they conversed for a few minutes.
From a drawing by A. B. FROST.



THE NOVELS AND STORIES OF
FRANK R. STOCKTON



THE SQUIRREL INN
THE MERRY CHANTER




NEW YORK

CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS
1899



Copyright, 1889, 1890, 1891, 1899. by
FRANK R. STOCKTON



THE DEVINNE PRESS.



THE SQUIRREL INN



CHAPTER PAGE

i THE STEAMBOAT PIER .... 3
ii THE BABY, THE MAN, AND THE MAS-
TERY

in MATTHEW VASSAR 16

iv LODLOE UNDERTAKES TO NOMINATE HIS

SUCCESSOR 25

v THE LANDLORD AND HIS INN . . 31
vi THE GREEK SCHOLAR .... 38

vn KOCKMORES AHEAD 43

vin Miss MAYBERRY 50

ix THE PRESERVATION OF LITERATURE . 55
x KOSE VERSUS MAYBERRY ... 61

xi LANIGAN BEAM 70

xn LANIGAN CHANGES HIS CRAVAT . 80

xin DECREES OF EXILE 85

xiv BACKING OUT 90

xv THE BABY is PASSED AROUND . . 97
xvi MESSRS. BEAM AND LODLOE DECLINE

TO WAIT FOR THE SECOND TABLE 105

xvn BANANAS AND OATS 117

xvin SWEET PEAS 123

xix THE AROUSED KOSE . 132



ffl>jk



CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE

xx AN INGENUOUS MAID .... 139

xxi TWISTED TRYSTS 144

xxn THE BLOSSOM AND THE LITTLE JAB 155
xxin HAMMERSTEIN ...... 160

xxiv TRANSLATIONS 173

XXV MR. TlPPENGRAY MOUNTS HIGH . . 179

xxvi ANOTHER SQUIRREL IN THE TAP-KOOM 186



THE MERRY CHANTER



CHAPTER PAGE

i MY CAREER is ENDED .... 199
ii SHE is HE, AND IT Is OURS . . 206

in WE SHIP A CREW 214

iv THE " MERRY CHANTER " SETS SAIL . 224

v THE STOWAWAY 239

vi THE MAN ON THE HILL . . . 248

vn LORD CRABSTAIRS 255

vin DOLOR TRIPP 261

ix THE " MERRY CHANTER " AND THE TIDE 271
x LORD CRABSTAIRS AND THE BUTCHER

MAKE AN AGREEMENT . . . 278
xi THE PROMENADE BATH . . . 284
xn DOLOR TRIPP TAKES Us UNDER HER

WING . .... 294

xin THE PIE GHOST 305

xiv WHAT GRISCOM BROTHERS GOT OUT OF

A PUMPKIN-PIE 316

vi



CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE

xv WE ARE LOYAL TO THE "MERRY

CHANTER" 327

xvi DOLOR TRIPP SETS SAIL .... 335

XVII HOW LlZETH AND ALWILDA TOOK IT 342

xvin THE CAPTAINS SPEAK . . . 350
xix HORRIBLE SEAWEEDS FLAP OVER HER 357
xx THE COLLECTOR OF ANTIQUES . . 366
xxi THE "MERRY CHANTER" LEAVES SHANK-

ASHANK BAY 372




vii



THE SQUIRREL INN



THE SQUIRREL INN
CHAPTEE I

THE STEAMBOAT PIER

THE steamboat Manasquan was advertised to leave
her pier on the east side of the city at half-past
nine on a July morning. At nine o'clock Walter
Lodloe was on the forward upper deck, watching the
early passengers come on board, and occasionally
smiling as his glance fell upon a tall man in a blue
flannel shirt, who, with a number of other deck-hands,
was hard at work transferring from the pier to the
steamer the boxes, barrels, and bales of merchandise,
the discouraging mass of which was on the point of
being increased by the unloading of a newly arrived
two-horse truck.

Lodloe had good reason to allow himself his smiles
of satisfaction, for he had just achieved a victory over
the man in the blue shirt, and a victory over a busy
deck-hand on a hot day is rare enough to be valuable.
As soon as he had stepped on board, he had deposited
his hand-baggage in a place of safety, and walked for-
ward to see the men run on the freight. It was a
lively scene, and being a student of incident, char-
acter, and all that sort of thing, it greatly interested
3



THE SQUIRREL INN

him. Standing by a strangely marked cask which
had excited his curiosity, he found himself in the
way of the deck-hand in the blue shirt, who, with red
face and sparkling forehead, had just wheeled two
heavy boxes up the incline of the gang-plank, and
was about to roll them with easy rapidity to the
other side of the deck ; but Lodloe, with his back
turned and directly in front of him, made it necessary
for him to make a violent swerve to the right or
break the legs of a passenger. He made the swerve,
missed Lodloe, and then, dumping his load, turned
and swore at the young man with the promptness and
accuracy of a cow-boy's revolver.

It was quite natural that a high-spirited young
fellow should object to be sworn at, no matter what
provocation he had given, and Lodloe not only ob-
jected but grew very angry. The thing which in-
stantly suggested itself to him, and which to most
people would seem the proper thing to do, was to
knock down the man. But this knocking-down busi-
ness is a matter which should be approached with
great caution. Walter was a strong young fellow and
had had some practice in boxing, but it was not im-
possible that, even with the backing of justifiable
indignation, the conventional blow straight from the
shoulder might have failed to fell the tall deck-hand.

But even had Lodloe succeeded in stretching the
insulting man upon the dirty deck, it is not at all
probable that he would have stayed there. In five
seconds there would have been a great fight, and it
would not have been long before the young gentle-
man would have found himself in the custody of a
policeman.

4



THE SQUIRREL INN

Lodloe's common sense was capable of considerable
tension without giving way, even under a strain like
this, and, although pale with anger, he would not
engage in a personal contest with a deck-hand on a
crowded steamboat, But to bear the insult was almost
impossible. Never before had he been subjected to
such violent abuse.

But in a flash he remembered something, and the
man had scarcely turned his empty truck to go back
to the pier, when Lodloe stepped in front of him and
with a wave of the hand stopped him.

Two nights before Lodloe had been sitting up late
reading some papers on modern Italian history, and
in the course of said reading had met with the text
of the anathema maranatha pronounced by Pius IX.
against disbelievers in his infallibility. The directness,
force, and comprehensiveness of the expressions used
in this composition made a deep impression upon
Lodloe, and, as it was not very long, he had com-
mitted it to memory, thinking that he might some
time care to use it in quotation. Now it flashed upon
him that the time had come to quote this anathema,
and without hesitation he delivered the whole of it,
fair and square, straight into the face of the petrified
deck-hand.

Petrified immediately he was not. At first he
flushed furiously, but after a few phrases he began
to pale and to turn to living stone. Enough mobility,
however, remained to allow him presently to raise his
hand imploringly ; but Lodloe had now nearly finished
his discourse, and with a few words more he turned
and walked away. The deck-hand wiped his brow,
took in a long breath, and went to work. If another
5



THE SQUIRREL INN

passenger had got in his way, he would not have
sworn at him.

Therefore it was that, gently pleased by the sensa-
tions of victory, Walter Lodloe sat on the upper deck
and watched the busy scene. He soon noted that
passengers were beginning to come down the pier in
considerable numbers, and among these his eye was
caught by a young woman wheeling a baby-carriage.

When this little equipage had been pushed down
nearly to the end of that side of the pier from which
the passengers were going on board, it stopped, and its
motive power looked behind her. Presently she
turned her head toward the steamer and eagerly
scanned every part of it on which she could see
human beings. In doing this she exhibited to Lodloe
a very attractive face. It was young enough, it was
round enough, and the brown eyes were large enough,
to suit almost any one whose taste was not restricted
to the lines of the old sculptors.

When she completed her survey of the steamboat,
the young woman turned the carriage around and
wheeled it up the pier. Very soon, however, she re-
turned, walking rapidly, and ran the little vehicle
over the broad gang-plank on to the steamboat. Now
Lodloe lost sight of her ; but in about five minutes she
appeared on the forward upper deck without the
baby-carriage, and looking eagerly here and there.
Not finding what she sought, she hastily descended.

The next act in this performance was the appear-
ance of the baby-carriage, borne by the blue-shirted
deck-hand, and followed by the young woman carry-
ing the baby. The carriage was humbly set down by
its bearer, who departed without looking to the right
6



THE SQUIRREL INN

or left, and the baby was quickly deposited in it.
Then the young woman stepped to the rail and looked
anxiously upon the pier. As Lodloe gazed upon her
it was easy to see that she was greatly troubled. She
was expecting some one who did not come. Now she
went to the head of the stairway and went down a
few steps, then she came up again and stood unde-
cided. Her eyes now fell upon Lodloe, who was
looking at her, and she immediately approached
him.

" Can you tell me, sir," she said, " exactly how long
it will be before this boat starts'? "

Lodloe drew out his watch.

" In eight minutes," he answered.

If Lodloe had allowed himself to suppose that be-
cause the young woman who addressed him was in
sole charge of a baby-carriage she was a nurse or
superior maid-servant, that notion would have in-
stantly vanished when he heard her speak.

The lady turned a quick glance towards the pier,
and then moved to the head of the stairway, but
stopped before reaching it. It was plain that she
was in much perplexity. Lodloe stepped quickly
toward her.

"Madam," said he, "you are looking for some one.
Can I help you "? "

" I am," she said, " I am looking for my nurse-maid.
She promised to meet me on the pier. I cannot ima-
gine what has become of her."

"Let me go and find her," said Lodloe. "What
sort of person is she ? "

"She isn't any sort of person in particular," an-
swered the lady. "I couldn't describe her. I will
7



THE SQUIRREL INN

run down and look for her myself, and if you
will kindly see that nobody knocks over my baby I
shall be much obliged to you."

Lodloe instantly undertook the charge, and the
lady disappeared below.



CHAPTER II

THE BABY, THE MAN, AND THE MASTERY

THE young man drew the baby-carriage to the bench
by the rail, and, seating himself, gazed with interest
upon its youthful occupant. This individual appeared
to be about two years of age, with its mother's eyes
and a combative disposition. The latter was indi-
cated by the manner in which it banged its own legs
and the sides of its carriage with a wicker bludgeon
that had once been a rattle. It looked earnestly at
the young man, and gave the edges of its carriage a
whack which knocked the bludgeon out of its hand.
Lodloe picked up the weapon, and, restoring it to its
owner, began to commune with himself.

"It is the same old story," he thought. "The
mother desires to be rid of the infant j she leaves it
for a moment in the charge of a stranger ; she is never
seen again. However, I accept the situation. If she
doesn't come back this baby is mine. It seems like a
good sort of baby, and I think I shall like it. Yes,
youngster ; if your mother doesn't come back you are
mine. I shall not pass you over to the police or to
any one else ; I shall run you myself."

It was now half-past nine. Lodloe arose and looked
out over the pier. He could see nothing of the young
9



THE SQUIRREL INN

mother. The freight was all on board, and they were
hauling up the forward gang-plank. One or two be-
lated passengers were hurrying along the pier ; the
bell was ringing ; now the passengers were on board,
the aft gang-plank was hauled in, the hawsers were
cast off from the posts, the pilot's bell jingled, the
wheels began to revolve, and the great steamboat
slowly moved from its pier.

"I knew it," said Lodloe, unconsciously speaking
aloud, " she hadn't the slightest idea of coming back.
Now, then," said he, " I own a baby, and I must con-
sider what I am to do with it. One thing is certain,
I intend to keep it. I believe I can get more solid
comfort and fun out of a baby than I could possibly
get out of a dog or even a horse."

Walter Lodloe was a young man who had adopted
literature as a profession. Earlier in life he had
worked at journalism, but for the last two years he
had devoted himself almost entirely to literature pure
and simple. His rewards, so far, had been slight, but
he was not in the least discouraged, and hoped bravely
for better things. He was now on his way to spend
some months at a quiet country place of which he
had heard, not for a summer holiday, but to work
where he could live cheaply and enjoy outdoor life.
His profession made him more independent than an
artist all he needed were writing-materials, and a
post-office within a reasonable distance.

Lodloe gazed with much satisfaction at his new ac-
quisition. He was no stickler for conventionalities, and
did not in the least object to appearing at his destination
where he knew no one with a baby and a carriage.

" I'll get some country girl to take care of it when
10



THE SQUIRREL INN

I am busy/' he said, " and the rest of the time I'll
attend to it myself. I'll teach it a lot of things, and
from what I have seen of youngster-culture I shouldn't
wonder if I should beat the record."

At this moment the baby gave a great wave with
its empty rattle, and, losing its hold upon it, the
wicker weapon went overboard. Then, after feeling
about in its lap, and peering over the side of the car-
riage, the baby began to whimper.

" Now, then," thought the young man, " here's my
chance. I must begin instantly to teach it that I am
its master."

Leaning forward, he looked sternly into the child's
face, and in a sharp, quick tone said :

" Whoa ! "

The baby stopped instantly, and stared at its new
guardian.

" There," thought Lodloe, " it is just the same with
a baby as with a horse. Be firm, be decided ; it knows
what you want, and it will do it."

At this instant the baby opened its mouth, uttered
a wild wail, and continued wailing.

Lodloe laughed. " That didn't seem to work," said
he ; and to quiet the little creature he agitated the
vehicle, shook before the child his keys, and showed
it his watch ; but the wails went on with persistent
violence. The baby's face became red, its eyes
dropped tears.

The young man looked around him for assistance.
The forward upper deck was without an awning, and
was occupied only by a few men, the majority of the
passengers preferring the spacious and shaded after-
deck. Two of the men were laughing at Lodloe.
11



THE SQUIRREL INN

" That's a new way," one of them called out to him,
" to shut up a young one. Did it ever work ? "

"It didn't this time," answered Lodloe. "Have
you any young ones ? "

"Five," answered the man.

" And how do you stop them when they howl like
that!"

"I leave that to the old woman," was the answer,
"and when she's heard enough of it she spanks
'em."

Lodloe shook his head. That method did not suit
him.

" If you'd run its wagon round the deck," said an-
other man, " perhaps that would stop it. I guess you
was never left alone with it before."

Lodloe made no reply to this supposition, but began
to wheel the carriage around the deck. Still the baby
yelled and kicked. An elderly gentleman who had
been reading a book went below.

" If you could feed it," said one of the men who had
spoken before, " that might stop it ; but the best thing
you can do is to take it down to its mother."

Lodloe was annoyed. He had not yet arranged in
his mind how he should account for his possession of
the baby, and he did not want an explanation forced
upon him before he was ready to make it. These men
had come on board after the departure of the young
woman, and could know nothing of the facts, and
therefore Lodloe, speaking from a high, figurative
standpoint, settled the matter by shaking his head
and saying :

" That can't be done. The little thing has lost its
mother."

12



THE SQUIRREL INN

The man who had last spoken looked compassion-
ately at Lodloe.

" That's a hard case," he said. " I know all about
it, for I've been in that boat myself. My wife died
just as I was going to sail for this country, and I had
to bring over the two babies. I was as seasick as
blazes, and had to take care of 'em night and day. I
tell you, sir, you've got a hard time ahead of you. But
feedin' 's the only thing. I'll get you something. Is
it on milk yet, or can it eat biscuit?"

Lodloe looked at the open mouth of the vociferous
infant, and saw teeth.

"Biscuit will do," he said, "or perhaps a banana.
If you can get me something of the sort I shall be
much obliged," and he gave the man some money.

The messenger soon returned with an assortment of
refreshments, among which, happily, was not a banana,
and the baby soon stopped wailing to suck an enor-
mous stick of striped candy. Quiet having been
restored to this part of the vessel, Lodloe sat down to
reconsider the situation.

"It may be," he said to himself, "that I shall have
to take it to an asylum, but I shall let it stay there
only during the period of unintelligent howling.
When it is old enough to understand that I am its
master, then I shall take it in hand again. It is ridic-
ulous to suppose that a human being cannot be as
easily trained as a horse."

The more he considered the situation the better he
liked it. The possession of a healthy and vigorous
youngster without encumbrances was to him a novel
and delightful sensation.

" I hope," he said to himself, " that when the coun-
13



THE SQUIRREL INN

try girl dresses it she will find no label on its clothes,
nor any sign which might enable one to discover the
original owners. I don't want anybody coming up to
claim it after we've got to be regular chums."

When the boat made its first landing the two men
who had given advice and assistance to Lodloe got off,
and as the sun rose higher the forward deck became so
unpleasantly warm that nearly everybody left it ; but
Lodloe concluded to remain. The little carriage had
a top which sufficiently shaded the baby, and as for
himself, he was used to the sun. If he went among
the other passengers they might ask him questions,
and he was not prepared for these. What he wanted
was to be let alone until he reached his landing-place,
and then he would run his baby-carriage ashore, and
when the steamboat had passed on he would be master
of the situation, and could assume what position he
chose toward his new possession.

"When I get the little bouncer to Squirrel Inn I
shall be all right, but I must have the relationship
defined before I arrive there." And to the planning
and determination of that he now gave his mind.

He had not decided whether he should create an
imaginary mother who had died young, consider him-
self the uncle of the child, whose parents had been lost
at sea, or adopt the little creature as a brother or a
sister, as the case might be, when the subject of his
reflections laid down its stick of candy and began a
violent outcry against circumstances in general.

Lodloe's first impulse was to throw it overboard.

Repressing this natural instinct, he endeavored to

quiet the infantile turbulence with offers of biscuit,

fresh candy, ginger-cakes, and apples, but without

14



THE SQUIRREL INN

effect. The young bewailer would have nothing to
do with any of these enticements.

Lodloe was puzzled. " I have got to keep the thing
quiet until we land," he thought, " then I will imme-
diately hire some one to go with me and take charge
of it ; but I can't stand this uproar for two hours
longer."

The crying attracted the attention of other people,
and presently a country woman appeared from below.

"What is the matter with it?" she asked. "I
thought it was some child left here all by itself."

"What would you do with it?" asked Lodloe,
helplessly.

" You ought to take it up and walk it about until
its mother comes," said the woman ; and having given
this advice, she returned below to quiet one of her own
offspring, who had been started off by the sounds of
woe.

Lodloe smiled at the idea of carrying the baby
about until its mother came ; but he was willing to
do the thing in moderation, and taking up the child
resolutely, if not skilfully, he began to stride up and
down the deck with it.

This suited the youngster perfectly, and it ceased
crying and began to look about with great interest.
It actually smiled into the young man's face, and,
taking hold of his mustache, began to use it as a
door-bell.

"This is capital," said Lodloe, "we are chums
already." And as he strode he whistled, talked baby-
talk, and snapped his fingers in the face of the admir-
ing youiigster, who slapped at him, and laughed, and
did its best to kick off the bosom of his shirt
15



CHAPTER III

MATTHEW VASSAR

IN the course of this sociable promenade the steam-
boat stopped at a small town, and it had scarcely
started again when the baby gave a squirm which
nearly threw it out of its bearer's arms. At the same
instant he heard quick steps behind him, and turning,
he beheld the mother of the child. At the sight his
heart fell. Gone were his plans, his hopes, his little
chum.

The young woman was flushed and panting.

" Upon my word ! " was all she could say as she
clasped the child, whose little arms stretched out
toward her. She seated herself upon the nearest
bench. In a few moments she looked from her baby
to Lodloe. She had not quite recovered her breath,
and her face was flushed, but in her eyes and on her
mouth and dimpled cheeks there was an expression of
intense delight mingled with amusement.

"Will you tell me, sir," she said, "how long you
have been carrying this baby about? And did you
have to take care of it? "

Lodloe did not feel in a very good humor. By not
imposing upon him as he thought she had done, she
had deceived and disappointed him.
16



THE SQUIRREL INN

" Of course I took care of it," he said, " as you left
it in my charge ; and it gave me a lot of trouble, I
assure you. For a time it kicked up a dreadful row.
I had the advice of professionals, but I did all the
work myself."

" I am very sorry," she said, " but it does seem ex-
tremely funny that it should have happened so.
What did you think had become of me?"

"I supposed you had gone off to whatever place
you wanted to go to," said Lodloe.

She looked at him in amazement.

"Do you mean to say," she exclaimed, "that you
thought I wanted to get rid of my baby, and to palm
him oif on you an utter stranger? "

"That is exactly what I thought," he answered.
"Of course, people who want to get rid of babies
don't palm them off on friends and acquaintances.
I am very sorry if I misjudged you, but I think you
will admit that, under the circumstances, my supposi-
tion was a very natural one."

" Tell me one more thing," she said : " what did you
intend to do with this child f "

" I intended to bring it up as my own," said Lodloe,
" I had already formed plans for its education."

The lady looked at him in speechless amazement.
If she had known him she would have burst out
laughing.

" The way of it was this," she said presently. " I
ran off the steamboat to look for my nurse-maid ; and
if I hadn't thought of first searching through the other
parts of the boat to see if she were on board I should
have had plenty of time. I found her waiting for me
at the entrance of the pier, and when I ran toward
17



THE SQUIRREL INN

her, all she had to say was that she had made up her
mind not to go into the country. I was so excited,
and so angry at her for playing such a trick on me at
the last moment, that I forgot how time was passing,
and that is why I was left behind. But it never en-
tered my mind that any one would think that I in-
tended to desert my baby, and I didn't feel afraid,
either, that he wouldn't be taken care of. I had seen
ever so many women on board, and some with babies
of their own, and I did not doubt that some of these
would take charge of him.

" As soon as I saw that the steamboat had gone, I
jumped into a cab, and went to the West Bank Rail-
road, and took the first train for Scurry, where I knew
the steamboat stopped. The ticket agent told me he
thought the train would get there about forty minutes
before the boat ; but it didn't, and I had to run every
inch of the way from the station to the wharf, and
then barely got there in time."

" You managed matters very well." said Lodloe.


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