ft.

*'*



THE



CHARACTER



O F



A TOWN -MISS.




L OND ON,

Printed for Rowland Reynolds in the Strand,
1680.




THE CHARACTER OF A
TOWN MISS.



Miss is a Name, which the Civility of this
Age bestows on one, that our unmannerly
Ancestors call'd Whore and Strumpet.
A certain Help-meet for a Gentleman,
instead of a Wife ; Serving either for
prevention of the Sin of Marrying, or else as
a little Side Pillow, to render the Yoke of Matri-
mony more easy. She is an excellent Conveniency
for those that have more Money than Wit, to spend
their Estates upon ; and the most that can be said in
her Commendation, Is, that she will infallibly bring a
Man to Repentance. Yet you may call her an honest
Courtezan, or at least a Common Inclosed; for
though she is an Out-lier, yet she seems to be con-
fined within the Pale, and differs from your ordinary
Prostitute, as Whole-sale men from Retailers ;
one perhaps has an hundred Customers, and
to'ther but Two or Three, and yet tliis gets most
by her Trade, Indeed she may well thrive, seeing

2019987



2 Tkc Character of a Town Miss.

she always carries her Stock about her, and every
man is desirous to deal in her Commodity : For she
is a Gallant Business, a Citizens Recreation, a
Lawyers Estate in Fee-tail; a Young Doctors
Necessary Experiment, and a Parsons comfortable
Importance.

The Royal Preacher calls her a Strange
Woman, but we usually term her a Common Woman,
and have reason so to do ; for sins that were strange
in Salomons days, are common in ours. She is a
Caterpillar that destroys many a hopeful Young
Gentleman in the Blossom, a Land-Syren far more
dangerons than those in the Sea : For he that falls
into her hands, runs a three-fold hazard of Ship-
wrecking Soul, Body, and Estate.

She talks high of her Family, and tells a large
story how they were Ruined by the late Wars.
But the true History of her Life, is generally to this
Effect : She is only the Cub of a Bumkin, licked
into a Genteel form by Town Conversation : Nature
gave her a good Face, and an indifferent stock of
confidence, which she by prudent management has
improved into Impiidence ; like a forward Rose bud
she openeth betimes, and lost that trifle they call a
Maiden-Head, so early, that she cannot remember
she ever had any such thing. She was scarcely
thirteen when her Fathers Ploughman, and the
Squire their Landlord (the verier Clown of the two)



The Character of a J^own Miss. 3

went Joint Tenants to her Copyhold ; but proving
with Child, she had the wit to lay it to the Last,
who for his Credit, dispatched her Incognito, with
a sum of Money, on a Carriers Pack, to be dis-
burthened at London, the goodliest Forest in
England to shelter a great Belly: There the
bantling was exposed to the Tuition of the Parish
in a Handbasket, and the Charitable Midwife (who
counts procuring in a civil way, a necessary part of
her Office) soon brought her acquainted with a
third Rate Gentlewoman, who took her a Lodging
in a Garret, and allowed her six shillings a Week.
But making a Sally abroad one Night, picked up a
Drunken Cully, and at a Tavern (whilst he was no
less pleasantly employed) picked his pocket of a
Gold Watch, and some straggling Guineas, and left
him to pawn his Sword and Perriwig for the
Reckoning. After this lucky Adventure, she
discards Monsieur shabby (her former Customer) and
her Lofty Lodging ; puts herself in a good Garb,
gets a Maid (forgive me, for I Lye, I mean a Shee-
Servant) whom she teaches to call her Madam, and
your Honour, and hires Noble Rooms richly
Furnished, about Covent-Garden ; there she takes
State upon her, and practices every day four hours
in the Glass, how Greatness will become her. Her
first business is to make herself to be taken notice
of, to which purpose like Dinah, she walks the



4 The Character of a Town Miss.

Streets, sometimes like Joel, she stands at the
Door ; and sometimes like Jezabel, she looks out at
the Window : But her main Market-place is the
Balcony, which she frequents as constantly as any
Lady in a Romance and the Language of her Eyes
is, What do you lack sir ? By which she at last
attracts a Wealthy Gallant, who with a little
Address, obtains the mighty Honour of her Acquaint-
ance ; but she seems extreme Nice, Reserved and
Modest, protests she would not go to a Tavern for
a World, when the whole business is, she is only
afraid of being Pawned there. In brief, she
Manages him so discreetly, that she Cheats him
into Love Insensibly, like a Tailors-Bill, wherein a
man sees himself Rooked abominably, yet knows
not where to find fault. Having thus got the
Woodcock into the Pitfall, she resolves to Pluck
him : When he importunes her for the Great
Kindness, she talks of Honour and Conscience, and
vows she will never stain her Reputation but for
valuable Considerations: this brings them to Articles,
he promises to allow her a Hundred and fifty pounds
a Year, and she Swears a thousand dissembling
Oaths, how infinitely she loves him, and that she
will prove constant, and true to him alone, and
never be concerned with any other man in the
World ; and the silly Fop is so fatally bewitched as
to believe her ; And continues a long time in that



The Character of a Town Miss. 5

fools Paradise of Dotage, whilst in the mean time
she drives a Trade privately, with two or three
more. For the Concealing of which from the first,
'tis the whole Employ of the little Harlotry, her
Chamber-Maid, to study lies, Pretences and Excuses
and she makes them pay her even to Extortion ; to
quicken her Invention, Sometimes she is gone
abroad in her A^lnts Coach ; Sometimes one of her
Consins, a Woollen Drapers Wife in the City is Sick
and she must Visit her. Nor is Madam herself less
full of Plot and Intrigue to Biibble her Gallant:
Sometimes having pleased him well, she begs the
best Ring he has on his finger, or pretends herself to
be in Debt ; and that unless he will suffer her to be
scandalized with an Arrest, Bound he must be for
her) to one of her Confederates you may be
sure) for fifty pound, and the everlasting
Changling cannot find in his heart to deny
her : At other times she shall purposely give
him occasion to be Jealous, and when he has Raved
and Swore, and Cursed and Ranted for two hours
as if he had been possessed with a hundred and fifty
Devils, she shall cleverly wipe off the suspicion,
upbraid his J ealous Coxcomb-ship ; fall a Sniveling,
and call herself the most unfortunate of Women, to
love a man with so much Passion, that thus abuses
her : Then he submits, begs her Pardon on his Knees,
and Coaxes her with all imaginable kindness ; but



6 The Character of a Town Miss.

still she pouts, looks Sullen, and will not let him
have a bit of that same, till he has given her a New
Gown, or a Necklace of Pearl, for Atonement, and
reconcilation.

But in time, his Appetite being Cloyed, his
purse exhausted, or his Eyes enlightened, he begins
to withdraw, and she soon finds out another, a
verier fool than he ; but for Security, will not
Trade, unless he settle an annuity of ,300 a Year
on her for Life; which being firmly done by an able
Conveyancer in Sheep-skins, half as large as the
Premises ; Within one Month she abandons him for
a more Noble and Stremwus Gallant. And now
being arrived at the Zenith of her Glory, she has her
Boys in Livery, her House splendidly furnished,
and scorns to stir abroad without a Coach and six
horses : She glitters in the Boxes at the Play-house,
and draws all Eyes after her in the Street, to the
shame and Confusion of all honest Women, and
Encouragement of each Pretty Girl that loves fine
Clothes, good Cheer, and Idleness, to turn Harlot, in
Imitation of such a thriving Example.

She takes upon her, more Pride, than would
have served six of Queen Elizabeths Countesses ;
uses Sirrah at every word, and to a Lady of the
best Quality, and Old enough to be her Mother :
Nothing but / tell Ihee sweet heart / She despises
her Sister, for losing her Reputation, by being



The'Character of a Town Miss. 7

kept by a meaner Gallant than her own ; and gets
one to attempt to Steal her, that she maybe thought
an extraordinary Fortune.

She hath always two necessary Implements
about her, a Blackamoor, and a little dog ; for without
these, she would be neither Fair nor Sweet : The
rest of her Retinue consists of her She- Secretary,
that keeps the Box of her Teeth, her Hair, and her
Painting. An Old Trot, that understands the
Town, and goes between Party and Party, and a
French Merchant to supply her with Dildds ; or in
default of those, she makes her Gallants Purse
maintain two able Stallions (that she loves better
than him) for performance of points wherein he is
Defective. Her Skin is much Clearer than her
Conscience, which makes her go with her Neck and
shoulders Bare ; and she has reason, for her upper
Parts are the shop of Cupid, and those below, his
Warehotise : But all that you are like to buy there, is
Damnation, and Diseases. She is a very Butcher,
that exposes her own flesh to Sale by the Stone ;
or if you please, a Cook that is Dressing herself all
day with Poignant Sauces, to be tasted with the
better Appetite at Night. Like a Disabled Frigate,
that had received many Shots between Wind and
Water, She is forc'd once a year to put in at
Tunbridge, or Epsom, to Wash and Tallow, and
Refit her Leaky Bottom : after which, she Cruises



8 The Character of a Town Miss.

up and down the Town as briskly as ever ; till Age
spoil her Sailing, and engraves Wrinkles, where she
once painted Roses: Then her former Adorers
despise her, the World hates her, and she becomes a
Loathsome thing, too unclean to enter into Heaven ;
too Diseased to continue long upon Earth ; and too
foul to be touched with anything but a Pen, or a pair
of Tongs : And therefore 'tis time to Leave her ;
For, Foh, how she stinks.



FINIS.



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