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The Dodge club, or, Italy in MDCCCLIX



James De Mille



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THE DODGE CLUB;



OR,



ITALY IN MDCCCLIX.



By JAMES DE MILLE,

AUTHOR OF "CORD AND CREESE; OR, THE BRANDON MYSTERY," ETC., ETC.



toiti) ®ne i^nnbreb MuBtxatiom.



NEW YORK:
HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS,

FRANKLIN SQUARE.
1872.



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KF (673






Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1869, by

HARPER & BROTHERS,

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern

District of New York.



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CONTENTS.



CH^VPTER I.

PARIS. — ^THB DODGB CLUB.— HOW TO SPEAK
FRENCH. — HOW TO RAISE A CROWD 6

Illustoattoks Dick !— Here I Invite mv Friends.— The

Club.— Tlie Place Vendome.— Keep it. Buttons!

CHAPTER IL

ORLEANS. — HOW TO QUELL A LANDLORD. — HOW
TO FIGHT OFF HUMBUGS ; AND HOW TO TRAVEL
WITHOUT BAGGAGE 10

Illustrations.— That's a Hotel Bill.—- Cicero against
Verres.— Sac-r-r-r-re !



CHAPTER III.

THE RHONE IN A RAIN. — THE MAD FRENCHMAN.
— SUICIDE A CAPITAL CRIME IN FRANCE... 13

Illustratioxs. — Number 729. —Horror ! Despair !



CHAPTER IV.



MARSEILLES .



14



CHAPTER V.

THE RETIRED ORGAN-GRINDER. — THE SENATOR
PHILOSOPHIZES. — EVILS OP NOT HAVING A
PASSPORT 15

iLiTTBTBATioitfi. — Those Italians. — Genoa, tlie Superb.
CHAPTER VI.

LAZARONI AND MACARONI 17

Illustrations. — Their Noble Excellencies. — Lazaroni
and Macaroni.

CHAPTER VII.

Dolores. — an Italian maid learns English. —
a romantic adventure.— a masquerade,

AND WHAT befell THE SENATOR. — A CHARM-
ING DOMINO. — A MOONLIGHT WALK, AND AN
ASTOUNDING DISCOVERY 19

Illustrations.— Yankee Doodle.— I Kias Hands— The
Youag Hussar.— A Perplexed Senator— Exit Senator.

CHAPTER VIII.

ADVENTURES AND MISADVENTURES. — A WET
GROTTO AND A BOILING LAKE. — ^THE TWO FAIR
SPANIARDS, AND THE DONKEY RIDE 24

Illustrations— Dam it I Don't— Thump!— A Trying



Moment.— Senator and Donkey.



CHAPTER IX.

A DRIVE I^JTO THE COUNTRY. — A FIGHT WITH A
VETTURINO. — THE EFFECT OP EATING "HARD
BOILED EGGS." — WHATTHEY SAW AT PJESTUM.
— FIVE TEMPLES AND ONE **MILL." 28

Illustrations.—'* Do You See That ?**— The Mill at Ftes-
tum.

CHAPTER X.

ON THE WATER, WHERE BUTTONS SEES A LOSI
IDEA AND GIVES CHASE TO IT, TOGETHER WITH
THE HEART-SICKENING RESULTS THEREOF. 32

Illustrations. — The Spaniards. ~ ** A Thousand Par-
dons I'*

CHAPTER XI.

THE SENATOR HAS SUCH A FANCY FOR SEEKING
USEFUL INFORMATION !— CURIOUS POSITION OP
A WISE, AND WELL-KNOWN, AND DESERVEDLY-
POPULAR LEGISLATOR, AND UNDIGNIFIED MODE
OF HIS ESCAPE 35

Illustration.— The Senator.

CHAPTER XII.

HERCULANEUM AND POMPEII, AND ALL THAT THE
SIGHT OF THOSE FAMOUS PLACES PRODUCED
ON THE MINDS OF THE DODGB CLUB 37



Illustrations..
in Pompeii.



-Villa of Diomedes.- Phewl— A Street
CHAPTER XIII.



VESUVIUS. — WONDERFUL ASCENT OP THE CONE.
— WONDERFUL DESCENT INTO THE CRATER. —
AND MOST WONDERFUL DISAPPEARANCE OF
MR. FIGG8, AFTER WHOM ALL HIS FRIENDS GO,
WITH THEIR LIVES IN THEIR HANDS. — GREAT
SENSATION AMONG SPECTATORS 40

Illustrations.- The Ascent of Vesuvius.- The Descent
of Vesuvius.— Where's Figgs ?_Mr. Figgs.- Tlie Ladies.

CHAPTER XIV.

MAGNIFICENT ATTITUDE OF THE SENATOR ; BRIL-
LIANCY OP BUTTONS ; AND PLUCK OP THE OTH-
ER MEMBERS OF THE CLUB : BY ALL OF WHICH
THE GREATEST EFFECTS ARE PRODUCED. 47

Illustrations.— The Bandits Captured.— Sold.
CHAPTER XV.

DOLORES ONCE MORE. — A PLEASANT CONVERSA-
TION. — BUTTONS LEARNS MORE OP HIS YOUNG
FRIEND. — AFFECTING FAREWELL 60

Illustrations.— Two Piastres I— The Brave Soldier.



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CONTENTS.



CHAPTER XVI.

DICK BELATES A FAMILY LEGEND 53

ILLU8TBATION8.— Baying a Whale.— The Long-lost Son.

CHAPTER XVII.

NIGHT ON THE ROAD. — THE CLUB ASLEEP. — ^THET
ENTEB ROME. — THOUGHTS ON APPBOACHING
AND ENTEBING * * THE ETEBNAL CITY." 56

Illustbation.— To Rome.

CHAPTER XVIII.

A LETTEB BT DICK, AND CRITICISMS OF HIS
FBIENDS 56

CHAPTER XIX.

ST. PETEB's! — THE TRAGIC STOBT OP THE FAT
MAN IN THE BALL. — HOW ANOTHEB TBAGEDT
NEABLY HAPPENED. — ^THE WOES OF MEINHERR
SCHATT 57

Illustbation. — ^^Gracioua Mel**

CHAPTER XX.

THE GLORY, GBANDEUB, BEAUTY, AND INFINITE
VABIETY OF THE PINCIAN HILL; NARRATED
AND DETAILED NOT COLUMNARILY BUT EX-
HAUSTIVELY, AND AFTEB THE MANNEB OF BA-
BELAIS GO

CHAPTER XXI.

HARMONY ON THE PINCIAN HILL. — ^MUSIC HATH
CHABMS. — AMEBICAN MELODIES. — THE GLOBY,
THE POWEB, AND THE BEAUTY OF YANKEE
DOODLE, AND THE MEBCBNABY SOUL OF AN
ITALIAN OBOAN-GB1NDEB 60

Illustration.— Old Virghiny.

CHAPTER XXU.

HOW A BABGAIN IS MADE.-r-THE WILES OF THE
ITALIAN TBADESMAN. — THE NAKED SULKY
BEGGAB, AND THE JOVIAL WELL-CLAD BEG-
OAB. — WHO IS THE KING OF BBGGAB6 ?... 62

Illustration.— The Shrug.

CHAPTER XXIII.

THE MANIFOLD LIFE OF :^HE CAFE NUOVO, AND
HOW THEY BECEIVED THE NEWS ABOUT MAGEN-
TA. — EXCITEMENT. — ENTHUSIASM. — TEABS. —
EMBBACES 64

Illustration.— Neva of Blagenta I



CHAPTER XXIV.



65



CHECKMATE!

Illustration.— Before and After.

CHAPTER XXV.

BUTTONS A MAN OF ONE IDEA. — DICK AND HIS
MEASUBING TAPE. — DABK EYES. — SUSCEPTI-
BLE HEABT. — YOUNG MAIDEN WHO LIVES OUT
OF TOWN.— GBAND COLLISION OF TWO AB-
STBACTED LOVEBS IN THE PUBLIC 8TBEETS. 66

iLLUBTBAnoNa.— Away !— Fepita.



CHAPTER XXVI.

CONSEQUENCES OF BEING GALLANT IN ITALY,
WHEBE THEBE ABE LOVEBS, HUSBANDS, BKOTH-
EBS, FATHEBS, COUSINS, AND INNUMEBABLK
OTHEB BELATIVES AND CONNECTIONS, ALL
BEADY WITH THE STILETTO 69

Illustration.— An Interruption.

CHAPTER XXVII.

DICK ON THE SICK LIST. — BAPTUBE OF BUTTONS
AT MAKING AN IMPOBTANT DISCOVEBY. ... 71
Illustration.— Poor Dick!

CHAPTER XXVIII.

WHAT KIND OF A LETTEB THE SENATOB WBOTB
FOB THE "NEW ENGLAND PATRIOT," WHICH
SHOWS A TRUE, LIBERAL, UNBIASED, PLAIN, UN-
VABNISHED VIEW OF BOME 73

Illustration.— Sketches bf a Friend.
CHAPTER XXIX.

THE LONELY ONE AND HIS COMFOBTEB. — THE
TBUE MEDICINE FOB A SICK MAN 75

CHAPTER XXX.

OCCUPATIONS AND PEBEGBINATIONS OF BUT-
TONS 77

Illustration.- Buttons and Mumf.

CHAPTER XXXI.

BUTTONS ACTS THE GOOD SAMABITAN, AND LIT-
EBALLY UNEABTHS A MOST UNEXPECTED VIC-
TIM OF AN ATBOCIOUS BOBBEBY. — GB-B-B-A-
cious me! 77

CHAPTER XXXII.

ANOTHEB DISCOVEBY MADE BY BUTTONS.... 78



CHAPTER XXXIII.



79



BptKiKiK KOOl^ Koa^ Kod^ ,

Illustration. — Brekekekek Eoax Koax !
CHAPTER XXXIV.



THE SENATOB PUBSUES HIS INVESTIGATIONS. — AN
INTELLIGENT BOMAN TOUCHES A CHOBD IN THE
SENATOB'S HEABT THAT VIBBATES. — BBSULTS
OF THE VIBBATION. — A VISIT FBOM THE BOMAN
POLICE ; AND THE GBEAT BACE DOMTN THE COB-
SO BETWEEN THE SENATOB AND A BOMAN SPY.
— GLEE OF THE POPULACE! — Hi! Hi!.... 80

Illustrations.- Got Yon There I— Walking Spanish.
CHAPTER XXXV.

DICK MAKES ANOTHEB EFFOBT, AND BEGINS TO
FEEL ENCOtTBAGED 83

Illustration.— Dick Thinks it Over.

CHAPTER XXXVI.

SHOWING HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO GET A LAUN-
DRESS, FOB THE SENATOB WANTED ONE, AND



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CONTENTS.



NOT KNOWING THE LANGUAGE GOT INTO A
SCRAPE, NOT BY HIS OWN FAULT, FOR HE WAS
CAREFUL ABOUT COMUITTINO HIMSELF WITH
THE LADIES; BUT PRAT, WAS IT HIS FAULT
IF THE LADIES WOULD TAKE A FANCT TO
HIM? 86

Illustrations.— The Senator .in a^ad Fix. — ^The Sena-
tor in a Worse Fix.

CHAPTER XXXVII.
Rome, — Ancient History, — the prehistoric

ERA. — critical EXAMINATION OF NIEBUHR
AND HIS SCHOOL. — THE EARLY HISTORY OF
ROME PLACED ON A RIGHT BASIS. — EXPLANA-
TION OF HISTORY OF REPUBLIC. — NAPOLEON'S
"C2E8AR." — THE IMPERIAL REGIME. — THE
NORTHERN BARBARIANS. — ^RISE OF THE PA-
PACY. — ^MEDIfVAL ROME.

Topography, — TRUE adjustment of bounds of

ANCIENT CITY. — ITS PROBABLE POPULATION. —

Geology, — examination of formation. —

TUFA TRAVERTINE. — ROMAN CEMENT. — TERRA-
COTTA. — Special consideration of Roman Cata-
combs. — BOSIO. — ARRINGHI.— CARDINAL WISE-
MAN. — RECENT EXPLORATIONS, INVESTIGA-
TIONS, EXAMINATIONS, EXHUMATIONS, AND RE-
SUSCITATIONS. — EARLY CHRISTIAN HISTORY
SET ON A TRUE BASIS. — RELICS. — MARTYRS.
— ^REAL ORIGIN OF CATACOMBS. — TRUE AND
RELIABLE EXTENT (wiTH MAPS).

Remarks on Art. — the renaissance. — the ear-
ly painters: cimabue, giotto, perugino,
rafaelle sanzio, michelangelo buonarot-
ti. — the transfiguration. — the bioses of
michelangelo. — bellini. — saint peter*s,

AND MORE PARTICULARLY THE COLONNADE. —
THE LAST JUDGMENT. — DANTE. — ^THB MEDIAE-
VAL SPIRIT. — ^EFFECT OF GOTHIC ART ON ITALY
AND ITALIAN TASTE. — COMPARISON OF LOM-
BARD WITH SICILIAN CHURCHES. — TO WHAT
EXTENT ROME INFLUENCED THIS DEVELOP-
MENT. ^- THE FOSTERING SPIRIT OF THE
CHURCH. — ALL MODERN ART CHRISTIAN. —
WHY THIS WAS A NECESSITY. — FOLLIES OF
MODERN CRITICS. — REYNOLDS AND RUSKIN. —
HOW FAR POPULAR TASTE IS WORTH ANY
THING. — CONCLUDING REMARKS OF A MISCEL-
LANEOUS DESCRIPTION 88

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

ITALIAN TRAVEL, ROADS, INNS. — A GRAND BREAK-
DOWN. — AN ARMY OF BEGGARS. — SIX MEN
HUNTING UP A CARRIAGE WHEEL ; AND PLANS
OF THE SENATOR FOR THE GOOD OF ITALY. 88

Illusteatioss,— Travelling in Italy.— The Senatoi^s Es-
cort.

CHAPTER XXXIX.

TRIOIPHANT PROGRESS OF DICK. — GENDARMES
FOILED. — THE DODGE CLUB IS ATTACKED BY
BRIGANDS, AND EVERY MAN OF IT COVERS HIM-
SELF WITH GLORY. — SCREAM OF THE AMERI-
CAN eagle! 91

iLLVsniATioxs.— Dick in his Glory.— Pietro.— The Barri-
cade.

CHAPTER XL.

pleasant 3ieditations about the wonders of
tobacco; and three pleasant anecdotes

BY AN ITALIAN BHIGAND 95



CHAPTER XLI.

FINAL ATTACK OF REINFORCEMENTS OF BRIG-
ANDS. — THE DODGE CLUB DEFIES THEM AND
REPELS THEM. — HOW TO MAKE A BARRICADE.
— FRATERNIZATION OF AMERICAN EAGLE AND
GALLIC COCK. — THERe'S NOTHING LIKE LEATH-
ER 96

iLLiTSTEtATiON.- An International AfiEair.
CHAPTER XLIL

FLORENCE. — DESPERATION OF BUTTONS, OF MR.
FIGGS, AND OF THE DOCTOR 99

Illustrations.— Florence, from San Miniato.— Pitti Pal-
ace.— Fountain of Neptune, Palaszo Vecchio.— The Du-
omo. — The Campanile. — Strozzl Palace. — Buttons
Melancholy.

CHAPTER XLin.

THE SENATOR ENTRAPPED. — THE WILES AND
WITCHERY OF A QUEEN OF SOCIETY. — HIS
FATE DESTINED TO BE, AS HE THINKS, ITALIAN
COUNTESSES. — SENTIMENTAL CONVERSATION. —
POETRY. — BEAUTY. — MOONLIGHT. — RAPTURE.
— DISTRACTION.— BLISS ! 103

Illustration.— La Cica.

CHAPTER XLIV.

''morere diagora, non enim in ccelum ad-
scensurus es." — the apotheosis of the

SENATOR (nothing LESS^-IT WAS A MOBfENT
IN WHICH A MAN MIGHT WISH TO DIE —
THOUGH, OF COURSE, THE SENATOR DIDN*T
DIE) 106

Illustbations.— Solferino!— The Senator Speaks.
CHAPTER XLV.

THE PRIVATE OPINION OF THE DOCTOR ABOUT
FOREIGN TRAVEL. — BUTTONS STILL MEETS
WITH AFFLICTIONS 109

Illustrations.- A Grease SpoL— FareireU, Figg^l
CHAPTER XLVI.

A MEMORABLE DRIVE. — NIGHT. — THE BRIGANDS
ONCE MORE. — GARIBALDI*S NAME. — THE FIRE.
— THE IRON BAR. — THE MAN FROM THE GRAN-
ITE STATE AND HIS TWO BOYS Ill

Illustrations.— In the Coach.— A Free Fight— Don't
Speak.

CHAPTER XL VII.

BAD BRUISES, BUT GOOD MUSES. — THE HON-
ORABLE SCARS OF DICK. — A KNOWLEDGE OF
BONES 115

CHAPTER XL VIII.

SUFFERING AND SENTIMENT AT BOLOGNA. — ^MOON-
SHINE. — BEST BALM FOR WOUNDS 117

Illustration.- Used Up.

CHAPTER XLIX.

CROSSING INTO THE ENEMY'S COUNTRY.— CON-
STERNATION OF THE CUSTOM-HOUSE OFFI-
CERS 118

Illustration.— Buttons in Bliss.



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CONTENTS.



CHAPTER L.

VENICE AND ITS PECULIAR GLORY. — THE DODGE
CLUB COME TO GRIEF AT LAST. — UP A TREE. —
IN A NET, ETC 119

iLLrsTBATiONS.— Dick*s Luggage.— Arrested.— SUence I
CHAPTER LI.

THE AMERICAN EAGLE AND THE AUSTRIAN DOUB-
LE-HEADED DITTO.... 122

Illustbatiox.— ♦'Don't Try it On With Me I*'
CHAPTER LII.

THE SENATOR STILL ENGAGED IN FACING DOWN
THE AUSTRIAN. — THE AMERICAN CONSUL. —
UNEXPECTED RE-APPEARANCE OP FORGOTTEN
THINGS. — COLLAPSE OF THE COURT 124

Illustration.— Watta Mis-spelled.

CHAPTER LUX.

A MTSTERIOUS FLIGHT. — DESPAIR OF BUTTONS.
— PURSUIT. — HISTORIC GROUND, AND HISTORIC
CITIES. 126

iLLtSTBATiON.— Foi-malities.



CHAPTER LIV.

DICK MEETS AN OLD FRIEND. — ^THE EMOTIONAI
NATURE OF THE ITALIAN. — THE SENATOR OVER«
COME AND DUMBFOUNDED.., 128

Illustration.— Ttie Count Ugo.

CHAPTER LV.

IN WHICH BUTTONS WRITES A LETTER ; AND IN
WHICH THE CLUB LOSES AN IMPORTANT MEM-
BER. — SMALL BY DEGREES AND BEAUTIFULLY
LESS 129

CHAPTER LVI.

THE FAITHFUL ONE I — DARTS, DISTRACTION,
love's vows, overpowering scene at THE
MEETING OF TWO FOND ONES. — COMPLETE
BREAK-DOWN OF THE HISTORIAN 130

Illustration.— The Door,

CHAPTER LVII.

THE DODGE CLUB IN PARIS ONCE MORE. — ^BUT-

TONS'S "JOLLY GOOD HEALTH." 132

lLLU8TBATiON.~''He'8 a Jolly Good Fellow r»



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THE DODGE CLUB ; OR, ITALY IN MDCCCLIX



DICK. 1

CHAPTER I.

PARIS. — THE DODGE CLUB. — ^HOW TO SPEAK
PBENCH.— HOW TO RAISE A CROWD.

It is a glorious day in Paris. The whole
city is out in the public places, watching the
departure of the army of Italy. Every imagi-
nable uniform, on foot and on horseback, en-
livens the scene. Zouaves are everywhere.
Cent Gardes hurry to and fro, looking ferocious.
Imperial Gardes look magnificent. Innumera-
ble little red-legged soldiers of the line dance
about, gesticulating vehemently. Grisettes
hang about the necks of departing braves. A
great many tears are shed, and a great deal of



bombast uttered. For the
invincible soldiere of France
are off to fight fur an idea ;
and doesn't every one of
them cany a marshal's ba*
ton in his knapsack ?

A troop of Cent Gardes
comes thundering do\yn in
a cloud of dust, dashing the
people right and left. Loud
cheers arise : ** Vive TEm-
pereur ! " The hoarse voices
of myriads prolong the yell.
It is Louis Napoleon. He
touches his hat gracefully
to the crowd.

A chasseur leaps into a
cab.

"Where shall I take
you?"

"To Glory I "shouts the
soldier.

The crowd applaud. The
cabman drives off and don't
want any further direction.
Here a big-bearded Zou-
ave kisses his big-bearded
brother in a blouse.

"Adieu, mon fr^re;
write me."

"Where shall I write?"
" Direct to Vienna— jtwsfe
restante.^^

Every body laughs at
every thing, and the crowd
are quite wild at this.

A young man is perched
upon a pillar near the gar-
den wall of the Tuileries. He enjoys the scene
immensely. After a while he takes a clay pipe
from his pocket and slowly fills it. Having com-
pleted this bnsiness he draws a match atong
the stone and is just about lightitig his pipe.
"Halloo!"

Down drops the lighted match on the neck
of an ouvi-ier. It bums. The man scowls up ;
but seeing the cause, smiles and waves his hand
forgivingly.
"Dick!"

At this a young man in the midst of the
crowd stops and looks around. He is a short
young man, in whose face there is a- strange
mixture of innocence and shrewdness. He is.



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6



THE DODGE CLUB ; OR, ITALY IN MDCCCLIX.



pulling a baby-carriage, containing a small
specimen of French nationality, and behind
him walks a majestic female.

The young man Dick takes a quick survey
and recognizes the person who has called him.
Down drops the pole of the carriage, and, to
the horror of the majestic female, he darts off,
and, springing up the pillar, grasps first the foot
and then the hand of his friend.

" Buttons !" he cried ; ** what, you ! yoa here
in Paris!'*

**I believe I am."

" Why, when did you come ?"

" About a month ago."

"I had no idea of it. I didn't know you
were here."

"And I didn't know that you were. I
thought by this time that you were in Italy.
What has kept you here so long ?"

Dick looked confused.

"Why the fact is, I am studying German.*'

** German ! in Paris ! French, you mean."

"No, German."

" You're crazy ; who with ?"

Dick nodded his head toward his late com-
panion.

** What, that woman ? How she is scowling
at us !"

**I8 she ?" said Dick, with some trepidation.

**Yes. But don't look. Have you been
with her all the time ?"

" Yes, seven months."

"Studying German!" cried Buttons, with a
laugh. " Who is she ?"

"Madame Bang."



HERE I INVITE MY FEIESrs.



"Bang? Well, Madame Bang must look
out for another lodger. You must come with
me, young man. You need a guardian. It's
well that I came in time to rescue you. Let's
be off!"

And the two youths descended and were
soon lost in the crowd.

" Three flights of steps are bad enough ; but
great Heavens ! what do you mean by taking a
fellow up to the eighth story?"

Such was the exclamation of Dick as he fell
exhausted into a seat in a little room at the top
of one of the tallest houses in Paris.
" Economy, my dear boy."
"Ehem!"

"Paris is overflowing, and I could get no
other place without paying an enormous price.
Now I am trying to husband my means."
"I should think so."
* * I sleep here — "
" And have plenty of bedfellows."
" I eat here—"

" The powers of the human stomach are as-
tounding."

" And here I invito my friends."
"Friends only, I should think. Nothing
but the truest friendship could make a man
hold out in such an ascent."

"But come. What are your plans ?"
" I have none."

" Then you must league yourself with me."
"I shall be delighted."
" And I'm going to Italy."
" Then I'm afraid our league is already at an
end."

"Why?"

" I haven't money enough."
" How much have you?"
" Only five hundred dollars ; I've
spent all the rest of my allowance."

"Five hundred? Why, man, I
have only four hundred."

"What! and you're going to Italy?"
"Certainly."

" Then I'll go too and run the risk.
But is this the style ?" and Dick looked
dolefully around.

" By no means — not always. But
you must practice economy."

" Have you any acquaintances ?"
" Yes, two. We three have formed
ourselves into a society for the purpose
of going to Italy. We call ourselves
the Dodge Club."
"The Dodge Club?"
" Yes. Because our principle is to
dodge all humbugs and swindles, which
make travelling so expensive generally.
We have gained much experience al-
ready, and hope to gain more. One
of my friends is a doctor from Phil-,
adelphia. Doctor Snakeroot, and the
other is Senator Jones from Massa^
chusetts. Neither the Doctor nor the
Senator understand a word of any Ian-



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THE DODGE CLUB ; OR, ITALY IN MDCCCLIX.



guage bat the American. That is the reason
why I became acquainted with them.

" First as to the Doctor, I picked bim up at
Dunkirk* It was in a cafe. I was getting my
modest breakfast when I saw him come in.
He sat down and boldly asked for coffee. Aft-
er the usual delay the gar9on brought him a
small cup filled with what looked like ink.
On the waiter was a cup of eau de rte, and a lit-
tle plate containing several enormous lumps of
loaf-sugar. Never shall I forget the Doctor*s face
of amazement. He looked at each article in suc-
cession. What was the ink for? what the bran-
dy ? what the sugar ? He did not know that the
two first when mixed makes the best drink in the
world, and that the last is intended for the pock-
et of the guest by force of a custom dear to ev-
ery Frenchman. To make a long story short,
I explained to him the mysteries of French cof-
fee, and we became sworn friends.

"My meeting with the Senator was under
slightly different circumstances. It was early
in the morning. It was chilly. I was walk-
ing briskly out of town. Suddenly I turned
a corner and came upon a crowd. They surr
rounded a tall man. He was an American,
and appeared to be insane. First he made
gestures like a man hewing or chopping. Then
he drew his hand across his throat. Then he
staggered forward and pretended to fall. Then
he groaned heavily. After which he raised him-
self up and looked at the crowd with an air of
mild inquiry. They did not laugh. They did not
oven smile. They listened respectfully, for they
knew that the strange gentleman wished to ex-



press something. On the whole, I think if I
hadn't come up that the Senator would have
been arrested by a stiff gendarme who was just
then coming along the street. As it was, I ar-
rived just in time to learn that he was anxious
to see the French mode of killing cattle, and
was trying to find his way to the abattoirs.
The Senator is a fine man, but eminently prac-
tical. He used to think the French language
an accomplishment only. He has changed his
mind since his arrival here. He has one little
peculiarity, and that is, to bawl broken English
at the top of his voice when he wants to commu-
nicate with foreigners."

Not long afterward the Dodge Club received
a new member in the person of Mr. Dick Whif-
fietree. The introduction took place in a mod-
est cafe, where a dinner of six courses was sup-
plied for the ridiculous sum of one franc — soup,
a roast, a fry, a bake, a fish, a pie, bread at
discretion, and a glass of vinegar generously
thrown in.

At one end of the table sat the Senator, a
very large and muscular man, with iron-gray
hair, and features that were very strongly
marked and very strongly American. He ap-
peared to be about fifty years of age. At the



Online LibraryJames De MilleThe dodge club; → online text (page 1 of 24)