" Love a man who does not love me? Never, never,
never ! " she cried in her heart ; and then with clasped
hands she prayed in an agonized whisper, " O God,
help me not to make a fool of myself! help me,
help me ! "
It was not a very conventional prayer ; but, indeed,
it came from the heart.
" ni fight every inch of the way," she said to her-
self. " I'll not give in, not if it kills me. I'll make an
excuse and leave here, and see no more of him. I'll
get books from Mr. Courteis. I'll not think about him,
nor try to hear of him."
She made herself look at the case as it would seem
from the outside — ^the pitiable absurdity of Miriam
Sadler, Aunt Pillar's niece, loving Mr. Alan Gore!
The thought stung her and helped her. She recog-
nized the value of this treatment, and pursued it ; she
was almost laughing at herself. Persons of romantic
tendency will think worse of Miriam for thus rejecting
"the celestial crown"; but perhaps she gained an-
other, even if not such a bright one.
It took her a long time to come to these painful con-
clusions. All the night through she lay awake, and
the first carts had begun to rumble past in the streets
before she had finally decided upon her course of
action. It would not do to propose to go home
abruptly, she must suggest it gradually. The end of
134
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
the week must be the conclusion of her long visit At
last, having decided this date, she fell asleep.
When she came down to breakfast, a letter from
home lay beside her plate.
"Do read your letter," DeHa said, and Miriam
opened the envelope. The communication it contained
was neither interesting nor dramatic; but Fate often
speaks in a rough tongue, and this unromantic letter
decided the date of her home-going. In her usual un-
mitigated style Mrs. Sadler wrote :
Dear Miriam:
I have had one of my bad attacks of the bile, and have been
in bed for the last three days. Nothing will lie on my stomach.
I think you must come home and look idPter me.
" Mother is ill," Miriam said, turning to Delia.
" Fm afraid I must go home immediately."
Alan Gore laid down the bundle of letters he was
opening, and addressed her with that quickness of in-
terest that was his great charm.
" Why, how unfortunate ! I hope that there's noth-
ing seriously wrong? "
" No," she said ; " only biliousness, but it means my
going home just as surely as apoplexy."
They laughed at her solemn speech; but Delia was
much annoyed.
" There are so many things we wanted you to do
and see. Well, you must come again soon," she
said.
"It will never be the same," said Miriam. She
knew in her heart, though she could not say so to
them, that everything would be diflFerent because she
I3S
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
herself would be changed. But her friends would
not admit that things would alter, and made all man-
ner of delightful schemes for "the next time," to
which she listened with a grave smile on her lips, a
smile that did not mean cheerfulness.
"Why, the next time you will be well known I
hope," Gore said. " You are going home to write all
manner of remarkable things for our friend Courteis.
Your next visit to us should be much more interesting
than this has been."
Miriam listened, and shook her head. Then she
turned to the consideration of her journey.
" I must go home to-day, Fm afraid," she said. Alan
Gore brought out a railway guide and began to turn
over its mysterious pages in search of the Hindcup
trains.
"When do you wish to arrive?" he asked. The
question seemed to bring home to her the reality of her
departure; she winced as if some one had struck her
a blow.
" I'm afraid I don't wish to reach it at all, but I
think I should go as soon as possible," she said.
"Well, there's a train at half-past eleven; will
that do?"
"Yes," she replied bluntly; there seemed nothing
more to say.
" I'm so sorry I can't go down to the station with
you," said Delia. " I've some one coming to see me
at eleven."
"Oh, I can see myself oflF," said Miriam. Gore
rose and gathered up his letters from the table.
" I must go now," he said, " so I'll say good-by,
136
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
Miss Sadler. Good-by, and all manner of luck — no,
not luck, success in your efforts/'
Miriam took his hand. She would have liked to
look straight into his kind, clever eyes, but she could
not.
" Good-by," she said, and he was gone. Delia fol-
lowed her upstairs, and sat down in her room while
she packed the yellow tin trunk.
"There go the poor, despised old frocks," Delia
said. " Why, I wouldn't crush them like that if I
were you ; you will probably want to wear them again
at Hindcup."
" Oh, I suppose I shall relapse into the primordial
slime whence I arose," Miriam said, trying to speak
lightly, but the bitterness she felt broke through in
her voice. Delia rose and came across to where the
girl stood, and laid her hand on her shoulder.
" Don't speak that way, my dear," she said. " You'll
never relapse, believe me ; you'll go on and on."
But at these kind words Miriam broke down.
" It's no use pretending to be happy ; I'm miserable,
and everything at home seems horrible," she sobbed.
Delia was much too uncompromising to attempt the
usual methods of comfort. She made Miriam sit down
beside her, and taking her hand, began to try to dis-
cover what she was feeling so miserable about.
" Do you feel as if it had been a mistake, your com-
ing here? " she asked ; " please answer me straight out
what you feel. I'd rather know the truth, for it was
my fault, if the mistake was made."
This was a difficult question for Miriam to answer.
She sat looking down at the floor in silence.
137
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
" No, I am glad I came/' she said at last — ^^ very
glad. I think I see quite a different horizon all round
me. It's only painful to think of going back to the
more limited one ; how painful, you can never know."
" I don't suppose I can," Delia admitted.
" I seem to have learned such a number of
things "
"Well, you look quite different; they won't know
you at home," said Delia, thinking she referred to her
initiation in dress.
But Miriam shook her head.
" If you knew how little that seems to me com-
pared with other things ! " she said. She might have
explained further, but her cab was announced at that
moment, and the remainder of her packing had to be
hurried.
Delia came down to the door with her, and standing
on the steps in the bright morning sunshine, they said
good-by to each other.
138
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
CHAPTER XX
When Miriam reached the station, she found there
was some time before the train left. The platform
was sparsely dotted as yet with passengers and their
luggage, and after the modest yellow trunk had been
labeled for Hindcup, she walked slowly up to the far
end of the platform.
To her surprise she saw that two familiar figures
from her Hindcup world were there also — ^her cousin,
Mrs. Broadman, and young Dr. Pratt. They, too, had
caught sight of her, and with an exclamation of sur-
prise, Maggie came up to speak to her cousin.
" Why, I didn't know you for a minute ! " she ex-
claimed, passing Miriam's clothes in a rapid review
as she spoke.
" I never saw a girl more changed in such a short
time ; wherever did you get these clothes? They're too
plain, somehow. I didn't know you were coming
home so soon. I've been at Maida Vale stopping with
Cousin May, so I'm not up to home news. I did hear
your mother had been ill, but I never supposed you
would come home for that. Really, you're quite al-
tered, somehow ! How long is it that you've been with
these swell people? — I forget."
She rattled on, giving Miriam no opportunity to
make a reply to the numerous questions.
" Here's Dr. Pratt, too," Maggie pursued, as the
young man came up to inquire, with an elaborate bow
139
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
and handshake, how Miss Sadler had enjoyed her time
in London.
" I have enjoyed it very much," she answered ; but
her tone was not encouraging. She did not wish to dis-
cuss her visit with him. Dr. Pratt, however, prided
himself on his conversational powers, so he went on:
" I suppose you have visited a number of theaters ?
* Done them ' is, I believe, the proper expression just
now, if one wishes to be up-to-date."
" I did go once or twice," Miriam admitted.
" I daresay you have plenty to tell us, that's to say,
if you will tell us," said Maggie. " But perhaps we're
scarcely fine enough for you now. Come, doctor, we
had better get into this carriage by ourselves; my
cousin seems to wish to be alone."
" O Maggie, don't. I don't wish to be alone," Mir-
iam exclaimed, though aware that she was saying what
was decidedly untrue.
" Well, come in here. Here's an empty * second,' "
said Maggie. " Mr. Broadman is always wishing me to
travel ' first,' but, as I say to him, if I travel * second '
I save a good deal, and yet it makes a difference from
going with common people, so I always do it. I sup-
pose you do the same, Miriam, only the common peo-
ple come down * third * to Hindcup."
" Then I am one of them," said Miriam gleefully,
exhibiting her third-class ticket. But Maggie Broad-
man was not going to be disgraced by her cousin. She
pulled out a fat morocco purse with a silver monogram
on the back, and handed it to the attendant Dr. Pratt.
" See, doctor," she said. " Will you be so kind as
to see about changing my cousin's ticket? I'll pay the
140
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
difference." She liked to show that money was no
object to her.
Miriam resigned herself to her fate, and entered
the second-class carriage along with her cousin. She
leaned back into the window-comer, looking listlessly
out at the people passing by. Suddenly her heart
seemed to stop beating, for, in the distance, she saw
Alan Gore coming slowly along the platform, looking
into each carriage he passed. Her first impulse was
to cower back into the darkest comer of the carriage
and try to escape his notice, then she named herself a
coward and leaned forward instead as he approached.
" Ah, there you are ! " he said, pausing at the car-
riage door. " I brought you some books to while away
the hours with. Are you all right? Your luggage
labeled?"
Miriam received the books, almost dumb with pleas-
ure at the gift.
"Yes," she said, "I'm all right. I have met my
cousin, Mrs. Broadman," she added, indicating who
her companion was. Maggie leaned forward, well
pleased to join in the conversation. She prided her-
self on what she considered her irresistibly arch man-
ners toward the other sex; often she had reproved
Miriam for her " dull ways with the men." So she
rallied Alan Gore brightly on having given Miriam
more books.
" My cousin's really too much taken up with books
already," she said. " I always tell her a young lady
should have other interests — ^well, more natural ones.
Before I married, now, nothing interested me so much
as a dance, and a new dress, and perhaps the young
10 141
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
gentlemen I met in the evening; but Miriam here is
so learned, she never seems to care about these things
— at least, she never did in Hindcup. Perhaps you
have taught her more in London."
Miriam's sufferings during this speech were very
grievous. She leant back into the comer of the car-
riage and flushed painfully. Alan Gore looked down
at his boots with a very noncommittal expression for
a minute.
" I'm afraid I don't share that feeling against books
with you," he said then. " I don't see why they should
confuse the natural interests of life in the least." He
looked up at Maggie Broadman as he spoke, with his
keen, frank glance that seemed to measure her capaci-
ties as a pair of scales measures defective weights
of sugar.
Maggie was struck with a sudden dumbness; the
abstract was not her vein. She sat back into the cor-
ner and remarked that it was very warm. Dr. Pratt
appeared then to return Mrs. Broadman's purse. He
carried a bunch of comic papers. Gore stood aside
to let him get in, and then held out his hand to Miriam.
" Good-by ; I'm glad you have some one to look after
you," he said, and turned away into the crowd. For
one awful moment Miriam thought that she was going
to cry. Tears welled up in her eyes, her throat ached,
and she could not speak. Maggie and Dr. Pratt were
gazing at her.
" So that's Mr. Gore ! I should have known him,
too, for I saw him at the fete at the Manor. It was
very polite of him coming to see you off that way,
Miriam ; very polite. I felt a little de trop, really."
142
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
Maggie tried to look archly suggestive, and Dr.
Pratt said:
" Yes ; when a gentleman comes to see a young lady
off on a train, he generally calculates on finding her
alone."
Their words stung Miriam like a whip. It was the
best thing that could have happened, for she was so
angry that she forgot to cry.
" Oh, you needn't have troubled yourself with feel-
ings like that," she said hotly. Mrs. Broadman smiled,
and Dr. Pratt began to read his papers. He was, in
some respects, a good-looking man, with well-cut
features and curly hair ; but Miriam seemed to-day to
see nothing but faults in him. She wondered why he
wore a ring on his thick finger, and why he scented
himself with musk. Yet Dr. Pratt was a good-natured
young man, not at all stupid in his profession, and the
adored of her cousin, Emmie Pillar. Miriam sat look-
ing at him, and wondering why Emmie liked him.
When the train moved out of the station, Maggie
Broadman opened a fashion paper, and Miriam was at
liberty to look at the books Alan Gore had brought
her. And even to do this, to look at them, feel them,
turn over their pages, seemed to soothe and cheer her.
Here was a kingdom that she might enter undismayed,
the grandest, widest kingdom of the world, the realm
of thought. Here beauty dwelt, and such measure of
truth as we may know, and peace from all the petty
irk of living.
She did not read much; but she sat holding the
books all the way to Hindcup, and the journey, after
all, was not an tmhappy one.
143
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
CHAPTER XXI
Miriam found her mother in bed and very sick and
sorry when she arrived at home.
The " girl " had reduced the kitchen to a state of
melancholy untidiness, and was, after the manner of
her kind, smeared to the eyes with black-lead, though
not a grate in the house seemed to have been polished.
The only food to be found in the larder was cold beef-
steak; of this there was a large amount lying on a
dish, surrounded by cold, watery gravy coated with
grease. There seemed everything to do.
But there are worse predicaments in life than finding
everything to do. Miriam felt almost thankful for the
confusion that reigned in the house. It seemed natu-
ral to take off her London dress, reassume the prune
merino and an apron, and begin to put everything to
rights. All her ideas had undergone a profound
change in the three weeks she had been away from
home. Instead of thinking more of luxury and beauty
of surroundings, she had come to think much less of
them; she had begun to realize that what lies behind
beauty and luxury and creates them, is of infinitely
more importance than they are. As she sat down at
last in the woefully ugly little parlor, now tidied up and
dusted, Miriam said to herself that even this hideous-
ness did not much matter if she could live the right
kind of life among it. But these abstractions were
144
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
broken in upon by a sharp tap at the door — Aunt
Pillar's tap, as Miriam well knew — ^and the next min-
pte her aunt's portly figure blocked the doorway.
" So you're home again ! " she said. " I must hear
all your news ; but, in the meantime, I've come to see
your mother. How do you find her? Is she able to
see me, do you think ? "
Miriam led the way to her mother's sick room, and
drew a chair near the bed, that Aunt Pillar might sec
for herself her sister's condition. A few perfunctory
inquiries and condolences, however, were all that Aunt
Pillar wasted on the sufferer. As was quickly evident,
her whole interest centered upon hearing how Miriam
had got on in London. For, scarcely listening to Mrs.
Sadler's plaintive iteration of " Nothing will lie on my
stomach," she turned abruptly round to question her
niece about more interesting subjects.
" So you're back," she said. " And how did you get
on among the fine people in London ? "
" They were very kind to me. I have enjoyed my-
self very much."
" I'm told they keep a very fine establishment ; our
butler was with them before he came to us. I've heard
him say as the house was very handsome."
" I daresay it is."
Aunt Pillar brought down her fat foot with a stamp
upon the carpet.
" On my word, Miriam, you are a provoking girl !
Did not just the fineness of it all not surprise you? "
" No ; I don't think that was what surprised me
most," said Miriam sk)wly.
" Then what was it? Can't you fepeak out? Really,
145
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
it's bad for your mother being aggravated in this way ;
nothing sets up the bile more; and if she's like me,
she must be fairly provoked with you."
" I think, Aunt Pillar, it was the fineness of their
minds, of their ideas, their ideals, that impressed me,"
the girl said slowly, hesitating as if in search of the
exact words to express her meaning.
It was nonsense to mention the word " ideals " be-
fore such a listener; but Miriam really spoke more
to herself than to her aunt. Still, the admission that
anything had impressed her niece with fineness rather
mollified Aunt Pillar ; she looked Miriam up and down,
and nodded her head.
" I daresay it would ; I daresay it would. To be
sure, the ideas of the gentry are quite different from
ours. To show you what I mean, her ladyship thinks
nothing of laying down her ten or twelve shillings for
perfume, and Sarah, her maid, tells me each handker-
chief she has she pays her five shillings for — ^the ones
with embroidery, that is. Yes, they're brought up to
large ideas, Miriam, as you say, and it's little wonder
you felt surprised by them."
Mrs. Sadler's feeble voice made itself heard from
behind the curtains at that point.
" I'm sure," she said, " it won't have done Miriam
any good to learn to pay five shillings for a pocket
handkerchief, if that's all she went to London to
learn."
Miriam might have done better to allow her rela-
tives to think that she had referred to the Gores' ideas
on expenditure ; but in justice to her late entertainers
she tried to explain her meaning a little more clearly.
146
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
" It wasn't that sort of fineness I meant, in the
least/' she said, hesitating how best to make her point
clear. " I meant that they took such high moral views
of ever)rthing, and regulated their lives by such fine
standards of living."
" Fm sure I'm glad to hear it. I was afraid from
what Mr. Hobbes said, that they were very irreligious,"
said Mrs. Sadler.
"Tut, tut, Priscilla. You're righteous overmuch,"
said Aunt Pillar. She was provoked by Miriam's at-
titude to the Gores, provoked more than she could say.
She rose and prepared to go off, yet lingered to catch
an item or two from this unsatisfactory niece.
" Tell me this, at least ; did they treat you like one
of themselves, or did they dine separate, or what ? "
Miriam shook her head and laughed.
" No, no, Aunt Pillar ; I wasn't separated from
them in any way," she said.
" Well, I'm sure, then, I hope it won't have done you
more harm than good. I don't myself see the reason
of it all; what were you asked for if they weren't
going to do anything for you? It puzzles me alto-
gether."
" Perhaps something may come of it yet," suggested
Mrs. Sadler.
" Did they speak of doing anything for you ? " Aunt
Pillar went on. She liked definiteness in human
affairs.
" No, they never did. They are not like that ; they
do not want to do things for me ; they wish to help me
to help myself," said Miriam. "And isn't that the
truest kindness ? "
147
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
" Umph ! " said Aunt Pillar. She held the good old
ideas of the overlord and the retainer — the one the
giver, the other the receiver — she did not hold with
these new-fangled views of self-help.
"All very well, Miriam, but those in high places
have a lot in their power, and, if I were you, I wouldn't
be above asking a good thing from them, seeing they've
been so affable. There was that young woman, Hitch-
cock, you remember Carrie Hitchcock ? a silly, useless
thing; I wouldn't have engaged her for any position
myself; well, didn't her ladyship take a fancy to her
and recommended her here, and recommended her
there among her friends, till she got her out as maid
to the Countess of Malvern going to Australia ! That's
what influence will do. There's nothing like it."
" I wouldn't be recommended to any position I
couldn't fill," said Miriam loftily.
Aunt Pillar smiled a grim smile.
"There's more than appears about the getting of
most positions, my girl," she said. " Merit has wonder-
fully little to do with it, and we must just take the
world as we find it. I'm afraid you have a number
of silly ideas, Miriam, that you'll live to see the folly
of yet. And this is just one of them. Don't be above
taking help where you can get it. I know the gentry.
They're idle, and want to be thought busy. There's
nothing they like better than philanthropy; so, take
whatever they'll give, and be thankful.'*
The girl thus admonished smiled, and kept silence ;
a provoking thing to do, it must be admitted. Aunt
Pillar fastened her cloak, took up her umbrella, and
W^ilked to the door.
148
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
" You may smile, Miriam, and think you know more
than me that has lived a lifetime at the Manor, because
you've spent three weeks with the Gores. But what I
tell you is true, and, as I say, I know the gentry and
their ways, which is more than you do. Good night,
Priscilla; good night, Miriam. Make your mother a
good cup of beef tea ; that will lie on her stomach, if
anything will; and don't have your silly head turned
with a little attention from those above you. They'll
never think of you again. It's their way; anything
for novelty ; pet you one day, and the next throw you
over like an old shoe. I know them. Good nig^t; I
must be off."
She bustled down the staircase, that creaked under
her heavy step. Miriam watched the stout figure dis-
appear down the twilight street, and then turned back
into the house with a sigh.
149
Digitized by VjOOQIC
THE LADDER
CHAPTER XXII
Several days passed, and as Mrs. Sadler did not
show speedy enough signs of improvement, Miriam
sent for Dr. Pratt — always a last resource with her.
He made his usual bright, musk-scented entrance
into the sick room, and in a very short time had fin-
ished his diagnosis of Mrs. Sadler's simple but trying
ailment. Miriam had listened to his suggestions, and
now sat wondering why the physician did not take his
leave. But this was explained when Dr. Pratt re-
marked :
" I must ask for your congratulations, Mrs. Sadler,
and I daresay you will be a good deal surprised — " He
paused, with a jocular little attempt at hesitation,
though Miriam saw he was longing to go on with
his news.
" You're never going to be married, doctor ! " Mrs.
Sadler exclaimed, though why she should have been
surprised by such a natural step on his part is difficult
to explain.
" Indeed I am, and I daresay you can guess who
the lady is," he said. " I consider myself the luckiest
6f men." Miriam knew that her cousin Emmie was
the lady in question ; but Mrs. Sadler guessed several
other names before Dr. Pratt smilingly supplied her
with the right one.
" You see, Mrs. Sadler, we have been prudence it-
150
Digitized by VjOOQIC
TO THE STARS
self/* he added. " I said long ago to Emmie that we
must remember everyone is watching us."
That curious self-importance which overtakes the
newly affianced almost like a disease, had fallen upon
Dr. Pratt. Mrs. Sadler could scarcely conceal her
mortification at his announcement. While Emmie
Pillar had remained unmarried, Miriam's loverless
condition seemed less noticeable ; but now that Emmie
had secured this eligible young man, what would the