her power not extending so far. An engagement which appeared
to the apostles of such consequence, that they judged the state of
celibacy preferable to it. " If the case of the man be so with his
wife, it is not good to marry." Matt. xix. And what reply did
our Saviour make ? Did he blame this sentiment so unfavourable
to matrimony ? He approved of it ; he confirmed it ; he congra-
tulated with them upon then having comprehended what others
were unable to comprehend : " All men cannot take this saying."



ON MATRIMONY. 255

Matt. xix. The reason of it is, that they plainly saw how heavy
a burden it would prove for the greater part of those who should
receive this sacrament.

In other respects, beloved Christians, my intent is not so much
to give you a horror of it, as to let you see how greatly the divine
assistance is necessary in the marriage state, and of what impor-
tance it is to beware of engaging in it against the will of God.
Alas ! how many have we seen, and do we see at this day, sinking
and groaning under the galling yoke, or dragging it with difficulty,
and lamentably complaining of their misfortune! How many
wretches in the world are happy in appearance, but repine in
secret silence at the slavery to which they are reduced ! the more
to be pitied, because they have scarce a right to our pity. For
who loaded them with those shackles, with the weight of which
they are borne down ? Was it God, whom they neglected to
consult ? Was it not themselves ? And with face can they bend
the knee at the foot of the altar, and beg consolation of the Lord,
by saying, hold me up, O Lord, or break my chain, or at least
afford me your aid to carry it. What but this, or the like answer,
could they expect ? It was not I that tied the knot ; my advice
was not applied for ; I am under no engagement to help you in
your distress, or to ease your pain by applying remedies to your
wounds.

2ndly. What enhances the trouble, and makes it more insup-
portable is, the companionship of which marriage is the bond.
For although society, considered in itself, hath been always looked
upon as a good, yet on account of the extreme difficulty there is to
find minds mutually agreeable, and well assorted one to another,
we may say, in general, that solitude is preferable to it. If we
find it difficult to bear with ourselves, shall we find it easier to
bear with another ? I speak not of a thousand circumstances,
arising from the necessity of having all in common in the marriage
state. These are no other than the inconveniences of your con-
dition, but yet so general, that even the marriages of kings and
princes are not exempt from them. I shall confine myself to the
diversity of tempers, which too frequently thwarts the happiness
of man and wife. What contradictions and trials ! What causes
of mortification ! What need of patience ! A wise and sober
husband with a volatile and unsteady wife ; a regular and virtuous
wife with a libertine and impious husband. Of so many marriages



256 O N . M AT R I M O N T .

which we see contracted every day, how many are cemented by a
sympathy of hearts ? And should there be an antipathy, what
martyrdom can be more cruel ? But this would not be so bad a
case, if they would work thereby their sanctification ; if they would
carry their cross like good Christians, and of a sad necessity make
a virtue and a merit. This, however, is the most deplorable cir-
cumstance of all, that these domestic trials and contradictions but
serve to keep you the farther from God, and to make you the
more criminal in his divine presence. Thus circumstanced, mar-
ried persons seek comfort abroad ; they turn their inclinations into
another channel, and what irregularities doth not this draw after
it ? What animosities and aversions do they not harbour in their
breasts ? With what murmurs and complaints, in what distress,
despair, and resentment, is a long succession of years run out ?
They remain in these dispositions till death ; and (as St. Bernard
said) all they do is, to go from one hell to another, from a hell of
sin and wickedness to a hell of pains and punishments ; from the
hell of matrimony to the hell of the devils and the damned.

But these, you say, are extremes. True : and yet although they
are extremes, there is nothing more common in the marriage
state ; nor can anything more plainly discover the weight of it,
than that married people so frequently run into such extremes. If
you had taken to this state by the appointment of God : if you
had not chosen it of your own accord, or had not taken to it but
by the call of God, according to the will and views of God, under
the direction and protection of God, his grace would have made
it supportable and easy, and his Providence would have watched
over all your necessities. He would have brought you, like
Rebecca, to the man that was appointed for you, and that was
suitable to you. He would have given to your words a particular
efficacy, and to your cares a particular blessing, to render this hus-
band more gentle and compliant ; to give him more steadiness and
consistency ; to withdraw him from his debauchery, to calm his
disquietudes, to dissipate his jealousies. At least, in times of low
spirits and disgust, of discouragement and contempt, of crosses and
vexations, to which you are exposed, by supplying you with a
supernatural and divine force, he would have enabled you to undergo
them ; and by his inward unction, (even when you were beset with
external troubles,) he would have made you taste, in the bottom of
your soul, the sweets and joys of a holy peace. But because you



ON MATRIMONY. 257

blindly, and of your own head, put on, (as I may say,) your own
fetters, he suffers you to feel the whole weight and inconvenience
of them. That is, (and you know it but too well,) he suffers you
to be plagued with all the oddities of a whimsical husband, all the
haughtiness of an imperious husband, all the bluntness of a violent
husband, all the stinginess of a covetous husband, all the dissipa-
tion of a prodigal husband, all the fastidiousness of an unaffectionate
and indifferent husband, all the absurdities and preposterous notions
of a jealous husband. He lets yourself take so wrong a turn, that
instead of seeking, in Christian patience, and sage moderation, a
remedy for the ills with which you are afflicted, you greatly increase
them ; that you become a vain woman, an indiscreet woman, a
woman addicted to worldly pleasures and dissipation, an obstinate
and head strong woman ; that you yourself should have your vicis-
situdes and inconstancies, your vivacity and passion, your bitter-
ness of soul, and haughtiness of mind ; and that you and your hus-
band accord in nothing, but in blowing and stirring up the fire of
discord, and making your condition more and more wretched.

3rdly. This is not all : a third source of afflictions and sorrows
in the marriage state, (and 1 may venture to call it an inexhaust-
ible one,) is the education of children. " A wise son, (says Solo-
mon,) maketh glad his father ; but a foolish son is the grief of his
mother." Prov. x. But, without in the least altering the words of
the divine Spirit, I may add, in another sense, that the bringing
up of children, whether regular or irregular in their conduct and
behaviour, is generally for parents a cumbrous burden and a heavy
cross. I speak not of the cares and attention which the earliest
infancy requires, subject to a thousand weaknesses, to which you
must condescend ; to a thousand necessities which you must relieve ;
to a thousand accidents which you must guard against. Let us
suppose them in a more advanced age, at a time of life when they
begin properly to make themselves known, either by their good or
bad qualifications. I will suppose, if you please, that they are well
conditioned, and have all the appearance of doing well hereafter.
But are you, upon that account, enabled to provide for their sub-
sistence and advancement ? Are you, upon that account, certain
of not losing them in the bloom of their years ? What a melan-
choly thing it is, for instance, to have a numerous family, and to
want the means of providing for them ! To have children capable
of any business, and not be able to procure them employment. To



258 ON MATRIMONY.

be under a necessity of letting them pass their days in a constrained
idleness and obscurity, in which their birth, the credit of their
family, and their personal merit* are buried and lost ! What sorrow
and regret, when an unforeseen accident, an unexpected death,
snatches children aAvay, all at once, on whom their parents doted
and built their fondest hopes, proposing to transmit to them large
estates and illustrious titles ! It was expected that they would
keep up their great families, which are now extinct, or on the point
of becoming so. Now you know that these are not extraordinary
events in the world, from which no consequence can be drawn ;
and you know what common experience teaches in this respect.

But what you know still better, because more common, is, how
much unfortunate parents undergo in bringing up undutiful and
untractable children ; in maintaining children without talents or
genius ; in correcting the faults of perverse children ; in prevailing
upon ungrateful and unfeeling children ; in bringing children aban-
doned to their passions, irregular and debauched children, prodigal
and profuse children, back to their duty. And what is more com-
mon than to see families full of such children ? Ungovernable chil-
dren, who are always ready to fly in the face of those who expos-
tulate with them, and give them wholesome advice and instructions.
HI disposed children, whose whole inclinations are to vice, and who
are unsusceptible of any impressions of Christianity, or even honour.
Unteachable children, whom their parents wish to educate pro-
perly, in order to procure their advancement in the world, but on
whom, for want of capacity and disposition, all their care and atten-
tion are lost. Ungrateful children, who have no feeling of what
is done for them, and who make no return for favours received, but
by giving cause of sorrow and vexation, the more galling, because
there was no reason to expect it. Unthinking children, whom
a blind precipitancy is perpetually plunging into perplexities.
Debauched children, whom passion hurries into irregularities that
bring themselves into contempt, and reflect disgrace on such as are
connected with them. Prodigal children, who borrow on all sides,
and from all sorts of people, for extravagant purposes, not at all
solicitous about future payment, or the consequence that must
ensue.

But what occasion to enlarge any farther upon this head ? What
can I say which you have not yourselves from experience, a better
knowledge of than I can pretend to ? Is it not this, ye father?



on matrimony. 250

and mothers, that plants thorns under your pillows ? Is it not this
that whelms you into the depth of melancholy, or that drives you
into frantic raptures of rage and despair ? Is it not this that rives
your hearts, and makes you say on so many occasions, what the
mother of Jacob and Esau said: "If it was to be so, what need
for me to conceive?" Gen. xxx. If these be the fruits of wedded
love, had it not been better I had never thought of it ? How happy
the state, in which, free and disengaged from all worldly care, one
hath nothing to mind but one's own person ! This you say, beloved
hearer, and not without reason. But what is still more certain,
and what you should reproach yourself with in the presence of God,
is, that therefore you ought not to have determined so speedily on
a choice of which the consequence was so much to be apprehended ;
that you ought to have taken proper measures, by consul tin g
Almighty God in prayer, and advising with his ministers, whom
he hath appointed to be the interpreters of his will : that you ought
to have weighed the matter thoroughly, not by the false maxims
of the world, but by the precepts of the gospel ; in short, that you
ought to have done everything in your power, before you fixed
your choice on wedlock, to be well informed of its obligations, of
its difficulties, and in the last place, of its dangers, w T hich I am
going to make appear in the third part.

Part III. There is no condition exempt from danger, I mean
danger respecting salvation. Not general ones only, but particular
ones, and peculiar to each state. Solitude itself is not free from
them ; and the very anchorets were obliged to fight in defence of
then* innocence, and defend themselves against the attacks to
which they were exposed. Neither have these succeeded on all
occasions. And how often hath the church seen her most illus-
trious beacons extinguished, and wept the fall of those whom she
proposed to plaeo one day in the roll of saints ! But, further ;
according to the opinion of the fathers and of Christian moralists,
if every state be exposed to danger, we may safely say, that matri-
mony is one of the most dangerous. The proof of it is this : because
in matrimony things must be reconciled, which are not easily recon-
cileable, which arc seldom met with in conjunction, which in the
common estimation of men seem incompatible, and yet without
which it is impossible to be saved : for the point is, to reconcile
conjugal liberty with continence and chastity ; a true and intimate
friendship for a creature, with an inviolable fidelity to the Creator ;



260 ON MATRIMONY.

an exact, diligent, watchful care of temporal affairs, with an exter-
nal disengagement from the things of this world. On what is all
this founded ? On the same qualities of matrimony, which are the
ground- work of this discourse.

Take notice, Christians. If anything enhances the crime of
incontinence in the marriage state, before Almighty God, it is the
dignity of the sacrament ; and yet no state is more subject than
that of marriage to the excesses of a passion without rule or mea-
sure. What is it that most forcibly impels a wife, and even obliges
her to espouse with most zeal the interests of her husband, and use
every possible means to please him ? Is it not that strict union of
fellowship which ought to subsist between the one and the other ?
But is it not this same zeal for a husband, this same attachment,
that puts her in evident danger of abandoning, on a thousand occa-
sions, the interests of God, and giving him displeasure ? In fine,
parents must be watchful and careful in regulating their families,
which if they neglect, they do not fulfil the duty of their consci-
ence, for that they are the guardians of their children, and having
given them life, it is incumbent on them to provide for their main-
tenance and education. Now is not this care to inspect a family,
to put children to business, to leave them a fortune sufficient to
maintain them according to the rank in which they were born, the
greatest and most dangerous of all temptations ? Is it not the most
specious and subtile pretext to authorize, in appearance, all the
injustices which a greedy avarice is wont to suggest ? And conse-
quently, is it not a continually subsisting occasion of committing
sin, and of being lost for ever ? Let us proceed : and you, beloved
hearers, whose state exposes you to so many dangers, at least open
your eyes, and learn the means to preserve yourselves from them.

1st. The first danger is, the incontinence of matrimony. I restrict
myself to that word ; and it is with difficulty I utter even that.
St. Jerom, writing to a virgin, and instructing her in the duties of
celibaey, a state in which she professed to live, was not afraid to
express his thoughts in certain terms that might hurt her delicacy.
And he gave for reason, that he deemed it better to run the hazard
of not speaking with sufficient reserve, than to hide truths from
her which immediately concerned her eternal welfare. And per-
haps he had reason so to deliver himself by letter. But in this
evangelical pulpit, Christians, my duty obliges me, without dis-
guising or varying the truth, to use the wise precaution, which the



ON MATRIMONY. 201

dignity of my ministry requires. You know what the law of Christ
commands, and what it forbids ; or, if you do not, all I can say is,
that it is of the utmost importance for you to know it thoroughly,
because your salvation is at stake : that matrimony is a state of
chastity and continence, as well as celibacy, whatever difference
there may be between them in other respects ; that there are laws
in matrimony, ordained by God, wliich it is not allowable to trans-
gress ; that all the irregularities committed in matrimony, far from
being excused, or in some shape justified by the sacrament, con-
tract thereby a particular malignity and deformity ; that you have
a conscience, to which you must hearken in this affair, and which
will judge you in the presence of God ; in a word, that (as St.
Jerom observes,) of the three kinds of "chastity, to wit, virginity,
widowhood, and matrimony, conjugal chastity, though the most
imperfect, is yet the most difficult ; because (continues this holy
doctor) it is much more easy to abstain entirely, than behave mode-
rately, and renounce absolutely to the flesh, your domestic enemy,
than prescribe its laws, and repress its sallies. Virginity, (adds
the same holy father,) by preserving itself, subdues almost without
fighting. Scarce is it acquainted with the danger, because it keeps
at a remote distance. We may say the same proportionably of
widowhood. But the case is entirely different with respect to con-
jugal chastity. Between that and impurity, there is only a step ;
but a step that leads to a crime deserving of eternal wo.

2ndly. To this first danger is annexed another, mutual fellow-
ship, of which the effect should be so perfect a union of hearts,
that for your spouse you should be disposed to give up everything,
to sacrifice everything, but with this exception so rare and delicate,
that conjugal love do not supersede the love of God ; that man and
wife should be so affected one to another, that at the same time
both the one and the other be still more strongly affected to God ;
that a wife, disposed to follow all the reasonable inclinations of her
husband, have still fortitude enough to resist him, whenever he
would have her fall in with his passions, bear a part in his irregu-
larities, lend an ear to his defamatory or impious discourses, join
in his resentments, or be aiding to his revenge. Accordingly, when
your husband hath received an injury, when he hath been unjustly
offended and outraged, it is allowable for you to be affected with
his case, to partake in his afflictions, to procure him just and suit-
able satisfaction : this you may do, nay, this you are bound to do.



262 ON MATRIMONY.

But to proceed farther ; to adopt his animosities and aversions, to
abet his frantic sallies and violence, to agree to everything which
an imbittered and inflamed heart inspires, is not to behave like a
Christian woman. That kind of fidelity is not the true one ; and
our blessed Saviour in instituting matrimony in his church, did
not mean it would serve as an handle to make the crimes of another
one's own. In like manner, should this husband, either from ambi-
tious or interested views, form unjust designs, and use his endea-
vours to make you a sharer in his wicked undertakings, then is the
time to act with resolution and a holy assurance, and to stand firm
in opposition to his iniquity. But I am bound to obey him ; no
obedience is due to him in prejudice to the law of God. But he
will not cohabit with me : his displeasure in that will be preferable
to his esteem. But there will be no peace or tranquillity in the
family : you will enjoy peace and tranquillity of conscience, and
that is enough. But he will leave no stone unturned to give me
uneasiness : it will give you an opportunity of exercising your pati-
ence,, and God, moreover, will afford you comfort. But how is it
possible to keep up perpetually that unshaken firmness, and to act
always resolutely and consistently ? That is not easy, I grant ;
and for that reason it was, that I proposed it as one of the greatest
difficulties of your state.

And this is what St. Paul meant to teach the Corinthians, when
he made the happiness of virgins to consist in not being divided be-
tween God and the work ; and in not being charged with the obli-
gation and care of pleasing men, but only Jesus Christ, the spouse
of their souls : " And the unmarried woman and the virgin thinketh
on the things of the Lord." 1 Cor. vii. Whereas, (adds he,) a
married woman is always at a loss how to preserve, at the same
time, the affection of her husband and the favour of God ; being
obliged to preserve, so far as she is able, both the one and the other,
and yet not knowing, on a thousand occasions, how to reconcile
both obligations. Insomuch, that she is under the afflicting neces-
sity of giving up one, in order inviolably to adhere to the other.
And this is what grieves her, what divides her heart, what fills her
mind with contrary thoughts, wishes, and affections ; what keeps
her in continually racking propensities, and frequently in the most
cruel uncertainties : " But she that is married thinketh on the things
of the world, how she may please her husband." 1 Cor. vii. And
here she is exposed to the greater danger, because, the presence of



ON MATRIMONY. 2()3

her husband, with whom she lives, and the necessity of being upon
good terms with him, make a deeper and more lasting impression
on her. If, perchance, at certain times, when resolution is more
strong, and grace more abundant, she hearkens to conscience, and
persists in her duty, it is much to be feared that this conscience,
in a continual struggle, will fail at last, and be overcome. Is it not
thus that a weak complaisance hath been the destruction of so many
wives, and brings such numbers of them every day to ruin ? They
were in heart and by inclination mild, patient, regular, upright ;
but an insatiable and avaricious husband, a choleric and revengeful
husband, a sensual and voluptuous husband, hath induced them to
become accomplices of his frauds, aversions, and lasciviousness.

3rdly. What shall I say, and what may not be said, of the last
danger, which is always concomitant with the care of a family, and
the education of children ? It is certain, and I have already shown
you sufficiently, that the education of children lays a strict obliga-
tion on you of attending to temporal affairs. But it is also certain,
that this obligation is a rock against which it is no easy matter to
avoid splitting. And who cannot see the extreme difficulty of
reconciling together the care of property, and a disengagement from
that same property ? According to the gospel, if you neglect to
provide for your children in a manner suitable to their condition,
you incur guilt in the presence of God ; and if again, in the view
of providing for your children, you suffer your heart to be possessed
with a desire and love of riches, you have no right to, or hopes of
salvation. In the marriage state, you are not allowed, as others
are, to relinquish everything, in order to follow Jesus Christ. You
must possess, you must preserve, you must labour in a reasonable
manner to acquire ; but in possessing, preserving, and acquiring,
you must wean your heart from all terrene affections. So speaks
St. Paul. Hearken to his words : " This, therefore, I say, bre-
thren ; it remaineth that they who have wives, be as though they
had none ; and they who buy, as though they possessed not ; and
they who use this world, as though they used it not." 1 Cor. vii.
The reason of it is given by the same apostle : " For, the figure
of this world passeth away." 1 Cor. viii. And for my part, I am
bold enough to add, applying to you this point of doctrine : because
the attention which you may give, and which you ought to give,
to the things of this world, takes off in no manner the obligation
of renouncing them in heart and will. This, our blessed Saviour,



2G4 ON MATRIMONY.

made a general law for all mankind ; and as this law, St. Chry-
sostom tells us, cannot mean a real and effective renunciation, it
must be understood, necessarily, of mental renunciation, " He that
forsaketh not all." Luke xiv. That is, Christians, when the
Saviour of the world pronounced this oracle, he spoke of you as
well as of me, with this material difference, however, that when he
laid this command on you, he laid a heavier weight on you than on