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If Wilson is President, is Katie King, and is Alice Lee Pope?

If Sarah Canady looked in a microscope, would Miss Sey Mour?

If Margaret is a peach, is Pauline Stem?

If the Soph Class went camping, would Sadie Hunt?

If Mary Nixon is short, is Grace Long, Lou Little, and is Allie Hill Boney?

If Mary (is) Mellon, is Allena Rhyne, and would Dela Peel'er?

If a play was written, would Blanche Plott it?

If all flowers would die, would the sun flower?

If Margaret has an automobile, has Rachel Clif(a)ford?



The Hey! Fever




weeks



N the seventeenth of September, 1919, there were proba-
bly no more than 300 cases of the hey! fever on the
campus, but the disease, being very contagious, soon
spread everywhere and there were 800 cases in less than
The first symptom of the disease is a sickly grin, followed
by a wavering of the vocal organs. A sure symptom is a very subdued
uttering of the word Hey! accompanied by a sweet and simple smile
calculated to win the hearts of all who behold it.

The reason the disease is so contag ous on the campus of the North
Carolina College for Women is the favorable conditions for the germ.
The favorable conditions consist of narrow walks, walking periods,
crowded walks, and the gregarious instinct found in all human beings.
The very embryo of the whole disease, however, consists of the human
being's love of fellowman's approval, and, in short, the root of the
whole matter lies in the desire of paople to be popular. The result is
a bedlam of Heys, Helios, Hi's, Horvdys' and you-are-the-cutest-
thing-in-the-world smiles — a kind of Tower of Babel effect. With
the exception of hairpins, there are more Heys on the campus than
any other one thing.

Such is the range and power of the Hey! Fever, one of the dead-
liest diseases known to humankind. It rivals Poe's "Red Death."



Pace tn>o hundred fort})-




"OU



'i ^"t



;v ^










Page two hundred forty-two




es



English Forty-'Leven



English XL — XI (Forty-'leven) — This course has been planned to portray the
growing poetic thought of the campus. The course may be pursued by anyone inter-
ested in the subject. Contrary to most rules for advanced courses in English, no prerequi-
sites will be required for the pursuance of the subject. In these days of realism too
much attention is given to poetry, and in order to check the growing realistic tendencies
we have incorporated two classic prose selections, a criticism of "The Somer Skule
Tragedie," and a well-known essay, "Overshoes."



insomnia

There are lovelorn youths who have restless ni|
There are guilty persons who cannot sleep;

There are wealthy guys that toss for hours,
There are sad people who lie and weep;

There are others who say coffee and tea,
But when I lie awake at night,

There are weenies inside of me!



I've Taken My Grease Wherever I've Found It



I've taken my grease where I've found it,

I've boned and I've crammed in my time,
I've had my pickings of hard profs,

Their treatment of me was a crime;
I've served my term on probation,

Sneaked out wherever I could;
I've crammed when I thought that I wouldn't,

And I've crammed when I knew that I would.



Now, I'm not i


nuch good at


bon


ing,


For I'm so


wooden and


slow




The more I sit


and study,






The less I


seem to knov






So the end of


it's sitting am


1 thi


nking,


And watchi


ng for every


tree





So be warned by my lot (which I know you will not).
And learn about cramming from me.



Page two hundred /orfy-inn




Twas in the mac
When a' the 1

When four and s
Did watch the



A Somer Skule Tragedie

onth of Apnle,



rid






Twas in the happy month of Ju
When they again did play.

The teacher said, "Beware, bew;
The girls a' said, "Nay, nay.



The teacher said, "Beware, be'

The girls a' said, "Nay, i

They came unto a soda fount

Twas in the merrie month of May
Teacher they cam' to see,

And said unto the bonny man:

"Our grades, what might they be?"

From out the east, from out the west.
They rode on milk-white steeds

For to come to somer skule

To pay for their wicked deeds.

With blood-red lips and cherry cheeks
They had the yaller curl;

And silken had they dresses green
That were bedight with pearl.





Refrain




Did


watch the


movie screen,




Did


watch the i


novie screen;




When four and


seven giddie girls




Did


watch the


movie screen.








Twas in the month of h<


,1 July


nay-




Teacher they cam' to


see;


t




And said unto the bonny


man:


ray.


Etc.


"Our grades, what m


ight they



Just then they turned so pale and 1
And then, when it was dark.

They jumped into the wee streaml
That rippled through the park.

The tiny waves surged o'er them a
But one did moan and wail.

For she of a' that bonny crowd
Was left to tell the tale.

Above this awful, doleful spot
The garlic grew so strong

To warn the other wicked girls
The end that comes from wron



Notes



There are eleven different versions of
this popular ballad, the names being
"Eleven Foolish Virgins," "The Trag-
edie of a Somer Skule," "Children
Eleven," etc. The setting of this tragedy
was probably the campus of the North
Carolina College for Women, once called
the State Normal and Industrial College.
Some authorities think these girls must
have been engaged in some industry there.
The ballad itself does not say, most of
its charm lying in the omissions which
leave the imagination of the reader to fill
out. These omissions occur in the form



of "leaping and lingering" between verses
three and four, and seven and eight, no
account being given of how the time was
spent between the regular session and sum-
mer school, in the first place, and, in the
second place, no account being given of
what their grades were, or what they did
to plan the tragedy. In verse three we
also see that the word "the" is left out
at the beginning of the second line. This
is a typical ballad, because it uses both
parallel and incremental repetition, and
also the dialogue. The latter is exceed-
ingly brief. Willis thinks this is because



Page two hundred fort\)-fo



the people of that time did little talking
by mouth, but did most of it by telephone
and telegraph. This ballad is also very
effective when sung to the tune of "Yan-
kee Doodle," it is also said.

"Mad month of April" — Mad here
probably means foolish. Foolish would
not do, says Benson, who is an authority
on such matters, because the meter would
not be right.

"When a' the world was green" — "A
fitting background for the people," says
Oliver.

"Movie screen" — Some critics say this
was the Isis, and others that it was at
the Bijou. Klutz holds to the latter, for
she says vaudevilles were given at the
other place and the girls were not allowed
to attend them. She has an old chron-
icle with frayed edges (chewed by a yel-
low dog) that states that the girls were
allowed to go to the picture show once a
week by using their weekly downtown
permissions. This manuscript is entitled
the "Students' Hand Book."

"Soda fount" — Either "Greensboro
Drug" or "Fariss-Klutz," where sanitary
drinking cups were used after the influ-
enza epidemic, thinks Belle.

"Bonny man" — Critics differ as to
this being the right wcrd to have used.
Farmer frankly says it is an exaggeration,
while Hatcher thinks it is immodest.

"Milk-white steeds" — Probably street
cars or Fords.




es



"Yaller curl" — An old woman named
Richardson that Benson traveled many
miles to see said people of this time often
used peroxide or common baking soda to
keep their hair blonde.

"Bedight with pearls" — Somers thinks
they were either bought at Kress' or
Woolworth's.

"Happy month of June" — Happy
because June was considered the month
of brides. Willis thinks the pathos of
this poem is largely due to the girls having
to study during this month.

"Wee streamlet" — English teachers
say they know that there must have been
water of some kind in the park, because
in all the Freshman themes that they have
unearthed there has been constant men-
tion of a "rippling brooklet," a "stream-
ing rivulet," a "gurgling stream," a "rol-
licking rill," and a "bubbling brook," in
the park.

"One did moan and wail" — We have
no evidence that a one survived. The
noise heard was probably that of a
croaking frog.

"Awful" — A term much used by
these primitive people.

"Garlic" — A European plant of the
lily family, having a tunicated bulb and
a pungent perfume. Somers thinks that
onions must have had a peculiar signifi-
cance to these people, since onions were
cooked with everything they ate.



Overshoes



Time was when the worldly wealth of
man was reckoned by the vast flocks and
herds which grazed on his pasture land.
Time later was when his material pos-



sessions were estimated by the number of
acres of that pasture land which he had
been successful in forcing to yield him
fruits. At the present time, however.



Page Itvo hundred forly-five




man's wealth does not depend upon an
abundance of cows and sheep and goats;
nor yet upon his acreage of beans and
peas and onicns. Instead, all of his
wealth, all of his joy, all of his peace of
mind, in the event that he be a woman
and dwell in our college home, are hinged
upon the simple condition that he be pos-
sessed of two bits of water-proofness,
molded in the form of overshoes. So
eager has the pursuit of this form of
wealth become that there is great danger
of a rubber famine, and the magnates of
the Rubber Trust grow richer foot by
foot. The rubbered aristocracy has be-
come so vast, and the rubber marshals,
stationed at corners where traffic is thick-
est, so diligent in putting under arrest the
unfortunates who do not belong to this
class of bloated bond-holders, that there
needs must arise a Voice from the Peo-
ple to protest against such unfeeling op-
pression of the deserving poor. Such a
Voice am I, crying in the Wilderness of
mud-puddles. And as it is modern pol-
icy to disregard the would-be reformer
who can offer nothing to take the place
of that which he tears down, I hasten to
offer substitutes for the Mighty Rubber.
Besides, it is quite the thing nowadays
to suggest substitutes.

What better than skates? Besides
protecting the feet from wetness, they
accelerate one's speed to such an extent
that, if judiciously used, they might en-
able even Mildred to get to Class on
time. They also have the advantage of
fitting all grades of feet by the simple
process of moving a few screws, and so
may be temporarily employed by one not
their owner without in the least endanger-



ing that ingenious person's safety. Or if
you wish to remove yourself still further
from the presence of that deadly fluid,
rainwater, Tom-walkers present an easy
and graceful means. These may be made
from any scraps of old lumber — strips
from one's trunk, secretly detached table-
legs, or, in the event that these articles
do not come readily to hand, well-
preserved tin cans may be garnered from
behind the kitchen, to which strings may
be attached, and, lo! a perfect rubber
substitute! Anon, what say you to push-
mo-biles and velocipedes? Perhaps their
use would necessitate the creation of a
corps of traffic cops in order to protect
the lives of the rubbered rich; but when
the nation's capital designs to tolerate
women's traffic policemen, surely our col-
lege community could endure a corps of
feminine traffic regulators. At the same
time this unique office would add a quaint
touch to the college point system. Wheel-
barrows, goat-carts, and jinrickishas are
interesting possibilities, provided goats
may be secured to operate them. Sleds,
also, may be used as a means of locomo-
tion to and from class whenever the oft-
aforementioned rain shall have turned to
sleet or such. Since it is always men-
tioned whenever there is the least chance
that its name will be heard with appre-
ciation, I also suggest Uncle William's
cart as a means of assisting the unfortu-
nate poor who are lacking in rubber
goods to class. The principal idea in all
this preparedness program is, undoubt-
edly, the avoidance of the vigilant eye of
the rubber marshal, and therefore may be
turned aside by merely wearing shirts
with ballroom trains. These trains may
be made from any leftovers and attached



Page two hundred fori})-




to any ordinary skirts, or may be rented
from the pageant room.

Of course, ihe reading public is to
understand that these suggestions are of-
fered merely as suggestions. If, after
deliberately considering these ideas, any-
one is still perverse enough to insist on
attempting to become a member of the
Four Hundred and wear overshoes, two
illustrations of the dire calamities that
have befallen the Wallingfords who have
sought to get rich quick in this line may
not be amiss. One aspiring lassie, y-clept
Marjorie, having attained her heart's de-
sire and acquired a pair of the much cov-
eted article, wore them proudly to a party
during the holidays. She absent-nrnd-
edly left them on the front porch instead
of wrapping them in their accustomed
piece of sky-blue tissue paper and swath-
ing them in the folds of her fur coat.
When the gaiety was at its height ins-da,
a small mongrel crept upon tha porch out-



side and succeeded in chewing one of
the precious possessions to a pulp. Per-
haps he thought he had the flu and must
needs seek his nourishment through a
rubber tube — 'tis a possibility.

If you will pardon the personal allu-
sion, the writer of this thoughtful thesis
went home for the holidays with the seri-
ous purpose of forcing her stem parent
to invest his latest dividends in rubber
stock. He looked upon her coldly and
demanded: "Where's the pair I bought
you when you started High School?"
and the would-be capitalist departed
sadly, resigned to waiting until she
should be old enough and wise enough
to speculate in Wall Street for herself.

There are some yet among us, how-
ever, who still look toward higher things
than the mere pursuit of sordid wealth
represented by pairs of overshoes, and
who consequently invest the hard-earned
savings of their life-time in umbrellas.



If you can eat zip on your bread and never


If you


care a rap,


If you


If you can be sal upon with a smile upon your


If you


map.


i


If you can gel around the law and still keep


You'.


off the pap.




You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!




If you can stomach everything that makes the


If you


Hungarian goulash.




If you can find the formula for that which they


If you


call fish,




If you can keep a spotless room and suit Mother


If you i


Boyd's wish.


t


You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!


You'r



make a two and never talk or bra
rise at six-thirty and never drag,
see them go to the O. Henry ai

r crave a fag,
better man than I am, Gunga Dit



If you forget September when you were both



you should and still have tir
man than I am, Gunga Dii



Page lao hundred fori))-




Campus Impressions Given by Various Seniors

N. Coffey : A long conversation.

A. M. PHARR: No Man's Land.

M. HoLDFORD: A Pouter Pigeon.

L. McLAWHORN: "A litter ole priss."

V. SANDERS: "Keep Off the Grass."

C. SLOAN: Harnessing Night Mares.

H. WEST: Greenland's Icy Mountains.

Isabel Ardrev: The Statue of Liberty.

E. BOYTE: "This is a maiden all forlorn."

A. B. BENSON: A bottle of Mellin's Food.

M. KENDALL: "A Hot Dog Without Mustard."

M. W. ABERNETHY: "A Bolshevik from Bolsheviki."

J. Cherry: "Why?" R. Hayes: The North Wind.

S. BARRINGTON: Duty. A. HlCKS : Marguerite Jenkins.

M. KlNCAID: Morganton. M. RlCHARD: Sweet Simplicity.

K. McLean: A Soft Egg. J. Rankin: A Jack-in-the-Box.

M. B. PARIS: Theda Bara. W. J. MEDLOCK: A sour pickle.



Suppose



Natalie Coffey's tongue were tied.

Rouss Hayes were not Editor-in-Chief of PlNE Needles.

Ethel Boyte were a Puritan living in Boston in 1 650.

Miss King wore green ear-bobs.

Bessie Lephfew expected everybody to believe all she said.

Marie Richard could neither play hockey nor basketball.

Louise Loetsch was snaggle-toothed.

Julia Cherry acted like Ethel Boyte.

P. Green had red hair.

Flossie Foster should have the blues.

Mary Winn Abernethy were not a preacher's daughter.

Mary Stearns had been born dumb.

Kathryn Willis had Mary B. Paris' dignity.

Virginia Postles could manipulate an X-Ray machine.

Hessie Blankenship could sing like Annie Mae Pharr.

Marguerite Jenkins had never seen Alleine Hicks.

Sally Thorne had no troubles.

Evelyn Shore's hair looked like Mary Kincaid's.

The student body had the privilege of using the cut system.

Marie Kendall was a suffragette stump speaker.



Page ln>o hundred foilv-eigh




es



Memoirs of "Laurie"

Greensboro, N. C, December th3, 1919.
Dear Miss. Mary. Paris —

it affords me a great pleasure to write y these few lines. Now Dear love I am
assure y did not think I would write these few lines as soon as this, ha: Ha: one
thing I do try to do. and that is to be true to every promise I mak. if I can do so with
the Lords help, he wants us to be True So people can have confidence in his word
because his word is all and all. blessed are the pure in heart for they shall See God.
Not any way to inter in the heaven of rest unless we are pure and keep his command-
ment and love our neighbors as they self and love one another, he hath said in his word
prayer is the key of heaven and faith unlocks the door. I am so glad every word he
hath said is true, his word do not fail. I presume y are Tired of reading This poor
writing However I will endeavor to Write these few lines. I do think y are a good
Christian young lady sweet and pure as y can be. Now Dear Sweet love ha: Ha: oh,
Dear I will close for this afternoon remain sweet as ever

this is from

Laura Hawkins.




LAURA ON SUNDAY AND LAURA ON MONDAY



p age two hundred forty-








Rachael Clifford
Anna Bernard Benson



Chief Mourners

Pauline Green
Lela Wade
Mildred Barrington



D. Wooten
Hazel West



Page tao hundred fifty




es



YOU WILL NEVER BE THIS HAPPY AGAIN



Page two hundred fifty-




The Bicycle Race




r was on one of those hot, humid days in the middle of the Somer with
a purplish blue Hayes settling over the landscape that the famous bicycle

race between five citizens of S took place. This will be long

remembered as a great day in the life of that town. The whole town
came out to witness the races.

The crowd was led by King Richard and marshaled by the Alderman. After the
Alderman came the (Garber) E. Davis Band playing "The Campbells Are Coming,
Oho! Oho!" while overhead a little Martin was gaily chirping away on the same song.
Next came the racers walking beside their wheels. Among the racers, none of whom
Wade under 200 pounds, were Mary Winn Abernethy, Carrie Tabor, Janie Klutz,
Juanila Kesler, and Mary Foust. The people lined up on either side of the road under
Cherry trees. Small boys were carrying around baskets and yelling, "Corn on the Cobbl
Hot Coffey and Hazel-nuts ! " These small boys Swindell-ed many people out of their
coin. Two of the little boys, Jimmie and Jo, made their fortune that day and would
have cleared more if it had not been for On>ens so much.

Many funny episodes occurred in connection with these small boys. Two old Hicl(s
from the country were drinking hot Coffey from a soup Terrene when the whistle blew
for the races to begin. The whistle so alarmed them that they spilled the hot Coffey on
Mary B. Paris' coiffure, which she had just had arranged at the Beauty Shop in the
O. Henry. Consternation followed. Father and Grandfather Heilig were there Holden
the hands of Ben-son, Stephen-son, and Wilson. Father and Grandfather Heilig had
a hard time with their sons. The sons begged all day to be allowed to Kendall a fire
with which to cook the lunch which they had procured from Haynes Bros. Once, when
Grandfather Heilig was not looking, Ben-son and Jimmie, one of the little boys selling
lunches, got into a terrible fist fight. Ben-son laid Jimmie out.

When it came time for the races to begin, a big gun boomed in the West. Then
the whistles sounded and the racers started off carefully. They began to get up speed,
and all were going along at the same rate when two Fords, a Clif-Ford and a Hold-
Ford, came from the opposite direction, and the racers had to scatter to make room for
the Fords. While they were scattering, Mary Winn Aberneihy's wheel hit a Stone and
she was hurled 600 yards ahead of the others, but her wheel remained as it was. Every-
one was gasping over her safety when Josephine Hopkins suddenly exclaimed, "Mary
will Winn the race if she keeps on! She had to be put out of the race for not using
her wheel.

The other racers continued, but it was only a short time until a second, namely,
Juanita Kesler, was put out because she forgot to pedal according to the Laid- Law,
falling from the wheel in such a terrific manner that Dr. Ardrey was forced to send for
Sloan's liniment at once, after which he had to Wall(-er up and down to rid her of
the stiffness.

Scarcely had Juanila dropped out when an immense wagon, Barring-tons and Ful-
tons of hay, on top of which sat a Farmer, a Miller, and two Smiths, came along and
frightened Janie Klutz so that she was unable to Ranl(-in the race, thus seeming Dowd.
In her delirium, which followed the shock she received on being thrown out of the race,
she said to Dr. Ardrey: "May I Askew how Pharr I am from Vicffery?"

The goal was in sight; only two were left to compete when Carrie Tabor fell from
her wheel, saying: "But more of this anon." In another instant the race is won. Mary



Page ln>o hundred fyl\/-lno




es



Foust crosses the River Jordan, the opposite bank of which is the goal. "To the victor
belongs the spoils." Even though it was rumored that Mary's success was due only to
the misfortune of her opponents, she was presented with a bouquet of Sweet Williams
by LaRue McLawhorn, and a Hall adorned with Pearh by C. D. Woolen.

Just as the crowd, highly exuberant over the outcome of the race, was about to
disperse, Laura comes up with an invitation to a banquet at the Hotel Yarborough,
where the Rev. Willis, assisted by M. Jenl(ins, soprano, and C. Jones, pianist, is endeavor-
ing to reach the people. While he is in the midst of a sermon, little Hessie in squeaky
tones announces that Marie Kinard, because of imprudence in trying to Wade across the
Jordan to reach the goal before the victors, had floated down the river and was found
by the Mendenhall twins on Fleming Island, where the twins had been playing tennis.
Hardly had the announcement been made when the McLean twins brought Marie in.
She was a pitiful spectacle, made more so by the sad lack of her golden curls that used
to be. Poor little Afarie had to be amused in some way to make her forget her sad
plight. The charitable three, Marie Kincaid, Vie Sanders, and Magg Lawrence, con-
sented to do some pathetic dancing. "The Brook," a dance which they have at last
mastered, charmed the audience, as well as the spectators, because of the Grace and
technique with which it was rendered.

After the interruption the banquet went on. Miss Mamie Speas was toastmistress of
the evening. Many charming toasts were offered to the racers. Miss Alary Foust
responded in a most charming manner. The next toast was offered by Miss Ethel Boyle
to the defeated, in which she said if the defeated ones had been constant users of Octa-
gon soap they would have been prepared to compete. Miss Mary Winn Abernethy, who
responded, broke down in tears and resolved to use Octagon soap for the rest of her life,
instead of Cuticura soap. The waiters at the banquet were, chief, W. J. Medlocl(,
assisted by V. I. Braswell, C. Benton, L. M. Harper, and E. Icard.

Everyone was having a grandiloquent time when E. Fellon suddenly skipped over
to the piano and broke out into the strains of "Good Night, Ladies."

N. M. TlLLEY.

Want Ads

WANTED — Instructions for becoming a model vampire. — B. Lephfew.

WANTED — A chance to make a speech. — M. Goodwin.

WANTED — Chewing gum in large quantities, wholesale or retail. — M. Stearns.

WANTED — Some privileges. — Seniors.

WANTED — A new cart. — Uncle William.

WANTED — A chance to express my youthful exuberance. — A. Henderson.

WANTED — Suitable subjects for gossip. — Guilford Hall.

WANTED — To drop Math. — Freshmen.


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