Dreams

by

Olive Schreiner


To a small girl-child, who may live to grasp somewhat of that which for us
is yet sight, not touch.


Note.

These Dreams are printed in the order in which they were written.

In the case of two there was a lapse of some years between the writing of
the first and last parts; these are placed according to the date of the
first part.

Olive Schreiner.

Matjesfontein,
Cape Colony,
South Africa.
November, 1890.


CONTENTS.

I. The Lost Joy.

II. The Hunter (From "The Story of of an African Farm").

III. The Gardens of Pleasure.

IV. In a Far-off World.

V. Three Dreams in a Desert.

VI. A Dream of Wild Bees (Written as a letter to a friend).

VII. In a Ruined Chapel.

VIII. Life's Gifts.

IX. The Artist's Secret.

X. "I Thought I Stood."

XI. The Sunlight Lay across My Bed.


I. THE LOST JOY.

All day, where the sunlight played on the sea-shore, Life sat.

All day the soft wind played with her hair, and the young, young face
looked out across the water. She was waiting - she was waiting; but she
could not tell for what.

All day the waves ran up and up on the sand, and ran back again, and the
pink shells rolled. Life sat waiting; all day, with the sunlight in her
eyes, she sat there, till, grown weary, she laid her head upon her knee and
fell asleep, waiting still.

Then a keel grated on the sand, and then a step was on the shore - Life
awoke and heard it. A hand was laid upon her, and a great shudder passed
through her. She looked up, and saw over her the strange, wide eyes of
Love - and Life now knew for whom she had sat there waiting.

And Love drew Life up to him.

And of that meeting was born a thing rare and beautiful - Joy, First-Joy was
it called. The sunlight when it shines upon the merry water is not so
glad; the rosebuds, when they turn back their lips for the sun's first
kiss, are not so ruddy. Its tiny pulses beat quick. It was so warm, so
soft! It never spoke, but it laughed and played in the sunshine: and Love
and Life rejoiced exceedingly. Neither whispered it to the other, but deep
in its own heart each said, "It shall be ours for ever."

Then there came a time - was it after weeks? was it after months? (Love and
Life do not measure time) - when the thing was not as it had been.

Still it played; still it laughed; still it stained its mouth with purple
berries; but sometimes the little hands hung weary, and the little eyes
looked out heavily across the water.

And Life and Love dared not look into each other's eyes, dared not say,
"What ails our darling?" Each heart whispered to itself, "It is nothing,
it is nothing, tomorrow it will laugh out clear." But tomorrow and
tomorrow came. They journeyed on, and the child played beside them, but
heavily, more heavily.

One day Life and Love lay down to sleep; and when they awoke, it was gone:
only, near them, on the grass, sat a little stranger, with wide-open eyes,
very soft and sad. Neither noticed it; but they walked apart, weeping
bitterly, "Oh, our Joy! our lost Joy! shall we see you no more for ever?"

The little soft and sad-eyed stranger slipped a hand into one hand of each,
and drew them closer, and Life and Love walked on with it between them.
And when Life looked down in anguish, she saw her tears reflected in its
soft eyes. And when Love, mad with pain, cried out, "I am weary, I am
weary! I can journey no further. The light is all behind, the dark is all
before," a little rosy finger pointed where the sunlight lay upon the hill-
sides. Always its large eyes were sad and thoughtful: always the little
brave mouth was smiling quietly.

When on the sharp stones Life cut her feet, he wiped the blood upon his
garments, and kissed the wounded feet with his little lips. When in the
desert Love lay down faint (for Love itself grows faint), he ran over the
hot sand with his little naked feet, and even there in the desert found
water in the holes in the rocks to moisten Love's lips with. He was no
burden - he never weighted them; he only helped them forward on their
journey.

When they came to the dark ravine where the icicles hang from the rocks -
for Love and Life must pass through strange drear places - there, where all
is cold, and the snow lies thick, he took their freezing hands and held
them against his beating little heart, and warmed them - and softly he drew
them on and on.

And when they came beyond, into the land of sunshine and flowers, strangely
the great eyes lit up, and dimples broke out upon the face. Brightly
laughing, it ran over the soft grass; gathered honey from the hollow tree;
and brought it them on the palm of its hand; carried them water in the
leaves of the lily, and gathered flowers and wreathed them round their
heads, softly laughing all the while. He touched them as their Joy had
touched them, but his fingers clung more tenderly.

So they wandered on, through the dark lands and the light, always with that
little brave smiling one between them. Sometimes they remembered that
first radiant Joy, and whispered to themselves, "Oh! could we but find him
also!"

At last they came to where Reflection sits; that strange old woman who has
always one elbow on her knee, and her chin in her hand, and who steals
light out of the past to shed it on the future.

And Life and Love cried out, "O wise one! tell us: when first we met, a
lovely radiant thing belonged to us - gladness without a tear, sunshine
without a shade. Oh! how did we sin that we lost it? Where shall we go
that we may find it?"

And she, the wise old woman, answered, "To have it back, will you give up
that which walks beside you now?"

And in agony Love and Life cried, "No!"

"Give up this!" said Life. "When the thorns have pierced me, who will suck
the poison out? When my head throbs, who will lay his tiny hands upon it
and still the beating? In the cold and the dark, who will warm my freezing
heart?"

And Love cried out, "Better let me die! Without Joy I can live; without
this I cannot. Let me rather die, not lose it!"

And the wise old woman answered, "O fools and blind! What you once had is
that which you have now! When Love and Life first meet, a radiant thing is
born, without a shade. When the roads begin to roughen, when the shades
begin to darken, when the days are hard, and the nights cold and long - then
it begins to change. Love and Life WILL not see it, WILL not know it - till
one day they start up suddenly, crying, 'O God! O God! we have lost it!
Where is it?' They do not understand that they could not carry the
laughing thing unchanged into the desert, and the frost, and the snow.
They do not know that what walks beside them still is the Joy grown older.
The grave, sweet, tender thing - warm in the coldest snows, brave in the
dreariest deserts - its name is Sympathy; it is the Perfect Love."

South Africa.


II. THE HUNTER.

In certain valleys there was a hunter. Day by day he went to hunt for
wild-fowl in the woods; and it chanced that once he stood on the shores of
a large lake. While he stood waiting in the rushes for the coming of the
birds, a great shadow fell on him, and in the water he saw a reflection.
He looked up to the sky; but the thing was gone. Then a burning desire
came over him to see once again that reflection in the water, and all day
he watched and waited; but night came and it had not returned. Then he
went home with his empty bag, moody and silent. His comrades came
questioning about him to know the reason, but he answered them nothing; he
sat alone and brooded. Then his friend came to him, and to him he spoke.

"I have seen today," he said, "that which I never saw before - a vast white
bird, with silver wings outstretched, sailing in the everlasting blue. And
now it is as though a great fire burnt within my breast. It was but a
sheen, a shimmer, a reflection in the water; but now I desire nothing more
on earth than to hold her."

His friend laughed.

"It was but a beam playing on the water, or the shadow of your own head.
Tomorrow you will forget her," he said.

But tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow the hunter walked alone. He
sought in the forest and in the woods, by the lakes and among the rushes,
but he could not find her. He shot no more wild fowl; what were they to
him?

"What ails him?" said his comrades.

"He is mad," said one.

"No; but he is worse," said another; "he would see that which none of us
have seen, and make himself a wonder."

"Come, let us forswear his company," said all.

So the hunter walked alone.

One night, as he wandered in the shade, very heartsore and weeping, an old
man stood before him, grander and taller than the sons of men.

"Who are you?" asked the hunter.

"I am Wisdom," answered the old man; "but some men call me Knowledge. All
my life I have grown in these valleys; but no man sees me till he has
sorrowed much. The eyes must be washed with tears that are to behold me;
and, according as a man has suffered, I speak."

And the hunter cried:

"Oh, you who have lived here so long, tell me, what is that great wild bird
I have seen sailing in the blue? They would have me believe she is a
dream; the shadow of my own head."

The old man smiled.

"Her name is Truth. He who has once seen her never rests again. Till
death he desires her."

And the hunter cried:

"Oh, tell me where I may find her."

But the old man said:

"You have not suffered enough," and went.

Then the hunter took from his breast the shuttle of Imagination, and wound
on it the thread of his Wishes; and all night he sat and wove a net.

In the morning he spread the golden net upon the ground, and into it he
threw a few grains of credulity, which his father had left him, and which
he kept in his breast-pocket. They were like white puff-balls, and when
you trod on them a brown dust flew out. Then he sat by to see what would
happen. The first that came into the net was a snow-white bird, with
dove's eyes, and he sang a beautiful song - "A human-God! a human-God! a
human-God!" it sang. The second that came was black and mystical, with
dark, lovely eyes, that looked into the depths of your soul, and he sang
only this - "Immortality!"

And the hunter took them both in his arms, for he said -

"They are surely of the beautiful family of Truth."

Then came another, green and gold, who sang in a shrill voice, like one
crying in the marketplace, - "Reward after Death! Reward after Death!"

And he said -

"You are not so fair; but you are fair too," and he took it.

And others came, brightly coloured, singing pleasant songs, till all the
grains were finished. And the hunter gathered all his birds together, and
built a strong iron cage called a new creed, and put all his birds in it.

Then the people came about dancing and singing.

"Oh, happy hunter!" they cried. "Oh, wonderful man! Oh, delightful birds!
Oh, lovely songs!"

No one asked where the birds had come from, nor how they had been caught;
but they danced and sang before them. And the hunter too was glad, for he
said:

"Surely Truth is among them. In time she will moult her feathers, and I
shall see her snow-white form."

But the time passed, and the people sang and danced; but the hunter's heart
grew heavy. He crept alone, as of old, to weep; the terrible desire had
awakened again in his breast. One day, as he sat alone weeping, it chanced
that Wisdom met him. He told the old man what he had done.

And Wisdom smiled sadly.

"Many men," he said, "have spread that net for Truth; but they have never
found her. On the grains of credulity she will not feed; in the net of
wishes her feet cannot be held; in the air of these valleys she will not
breathe. The birds you have caught are of the brood of Lies. Lovely and
beautiful, but still lies; Truth knows them not."

And the hunter cried out in bitterness -

"And must I then sit still, to be devoured of this great burning?"

And the old man said,

"Listen, and in that you have suffered much and wept much, I will tell you
what I know. He who sets out to search for Truth must leave these valleys
of superstition forever, taking with him not one shred that has belonged to
them. Alone he must wander down into the Land of Absolute Negation and
Denial; he must abide there; he must resist temptation; when the light
breaks he must arise and follow it into the country of dry sunshine. The
mountains of stern reality will rise before him; he must climb them; beyond
them lies Truth."

"And he will hold her fast! he will hold her in his hands!" the hunter
cried.

Wisdom shook his head.

"He will never see her, never hold her. The time is not yet."

"Then there is no hope?" cried the hunter.

"There is this," said Wisdom: "Some men have climbed on those mountains;
circle above circle of bare rock they have scaled; and, wandering there, in
those high regions, some have chanced to pick up on the ground one white
silver feather, dropped from the wing of Truth. And it shall come to
pass," said the old man, raising himself prophetically and pointing with
his finger to the sky, "it shall come to pass, that when enough of those
silver feathers shall have been gathered by the hands of men, and shall
have been woven into a cord, and the cord into a net, that in that net
Truth may be captured. Nothing but Truth can hold Truth."

The hunter arose. "I will go," he said.

But wisdom detained him.

"Mark you well - who leaves these valleys never returns to them. Though he
should weep tears of blood seven days and nights upon the confines, he can
never put his foot across them. Left - they are left forever. Upon the
road which you would travel there is no reward offered. Who goes, goes
freely - for the great love that is in him. The work is his reward."

"I go" said the hunter; "but upon the mountains, tell me, which path shall
I take?"

"I am the child of The-Accumulated-Knowledge-of-Ages," said the man; "I can
walk only where many men have trodden. On these mountains few feet have
passed; each man strikes out a path for himself. He goes at his own peril:
my voice he hears no more. I may follow after him, but cannot go before
him."

Then Knowledge vanished.

And the hunter turned. He went to his cage, and with his hands broke down
the bars, and the jagged iron tore his flesh. It is sometimes easier to
build than to break.

One by one he took his plumed birds and let them fly. But when he came to
his dark-plumed bird he held it, and looked into its beautiful eyes, and
the bird uttered its low, deep cry - "Immortality!"

And he said quickly: "I cannot part with it. It is not heavy; it eats no
food. I will hide it in my breast; I will take it with me." And he buried
it there and covered it over with his cloak.

But the thing he had hidden grew heavier, heavier, heavier - till it lay on
his breast like lead. He could not move with it. He could not leave those
valleys with it. Then again he took it out and looked at it.

"Oh, my beautiful! my heart's own!" he cried, "may I not keep you?"

He opened his hands sadly.

"Go!" he said. "It may happen that in Truth's song one note is like yours;
but I shall never hear it."

Sadly he opened his hand, and the bird flew from him forever.

Then from the shuttle of Imagination he took the thread of his wishes, and
threw it on the ground; and the empty shuttle he put into his breast, for
the thread was made in those valleys, but the shuttle came from an unknown
country. He turned to go, but now the people came about him, howling.

"Fool, hound, demented lunatic!" they cried. "How dared you break your
cage and let the birds fly?'

The hunter spoke; but they would not hear him.

"Truth! who is she? Can you eat her? can you drink her? Who has ever seen
her? Your birds were real: all could hear them sing! Oh, fool! vile
reptile! atheist!" they cried, "you pollute the air."

"Come, let us take up stones and stone him," cried some.

"What affair is it of ours?" said others. "Let the idiot go," and went
away. But the rest gathered up stones and mud and threw at him. At last,
when he was bruised and cut, the hunter crept away into the woods. And it
was evening about him.

He wandered on and on, and the shade grew deeper. He was on the borders
now of the land where it is always night. Then he stepped into it, and
there was no light there. With his hands he groped; but each branch as he
touched it broke off, and the earth was covered with cinders. At every step
his foot sank in, and a fine cloud of impalpable ashes flew up into his
face; and it was dark. So he sat down upon a stone and buried his face in
his hands, to wait in the Land of Negation and Denial till the light came.

And it was night in his heart also.

Then from the marshes to his right and left cold mists arose and closed
about him. A fine, imperceptible rain fell in the dark, and great drops
gathered on his hair and clothes. His heart beat slowly, and a numbness
crept through all his limbs. Then, looking up, two merry wisp lights came
dancing. He lifted his head to look at them. Nearer, nearer they came.
So warm, so bright, they danced like stars of fire. They stood before him
at last. From the centre of the radiating flame in one looked out a
woman's face, laughing, dimpled, with streaming yellow hair. In the centre
of the other were merry laughing ripples, like the bubbles on a glass of
wine. They danced before him.

"Who are you," asked the hunter, "who alone come to me in my solitude and
darkness?"

"We are the twins Sensuality," they cried. "Our father's name is Human-
Nature, and our mother's name is Excess. We are as old as the hills and
rivers, as old as the first man; but we never die," they laughed.

"Oh, let me wrap my arms about you!" cried the first; "they are soft and
warm. Your heart is frozen now, but I will make it beat. Oh, come to me!"

"I will pour my hot life into you," said the second; "your brain is numb,
and your limbs are dead now; but they shall live with a fierce free life.
Oh, let me pour it in!"

"Oh, follow us," they cried, "and live with us. Nobler hearts than yours
have sat here in this darkness to wait, and they have come to us and we to
them; and they have never left us, never. All else is a delusion, but we
are real, we are real, we are real. Truth is a shadow; the valleys of
superstition are a farce: the earth is of ashes, the trees all rotten; but
we - feel us - we live! You cannot doubt us. Feel us how warm we are! Oh,
come to us! Come with us!"

Nearer and nearer round his head they hovered, and the cold drops melted on
his forehead. The bright light shot into his eyes, dazzling him, and the
frozen blood began to run. And he said:

"Yes, why should I die here in this awful darkness? They are warm, they
melt my frozen blood!" and he stretched out his hands to take them.

Then in a moment there arose before him the image of the thing he had
loved, and his hand dropped to his side.

"Oh, come to us!" they cried.

But he buried his face.

"You dazzle my eyes," he cried, "you make my heart warm; but you cannot
give me what I desire. I will wait here - wait till I die. Go!"

He covered his face with his hands and would not listen; and when he looked
up again they were two twinkling stars, that vanished in the distance.

And the long, long night rolled on.

All who leave the valley of superstition pass through that dark land; but
some go through it in a few days, some linger there for months, some for
years, and some die there.

At last for the hunter a faint light played along the horizon, and he rose
to follow it; and he reached that light at last, and stepped into the broad
sunshine. Then before him rose the almighty mountains of Dry-facts and
Realities. The clear sunshine played on them, and the tops were lost in
the clouds. At the foot many paths ran up. An exultant cry burst from the
hunter. He chose the straightest and began to climb; and the rocks and
ridges resounded with his song. They had exaggerated; after all, it was
not so high, nor was the road so steep! A few days, a few weeks, a few
months at most, and then the top! Not one feather only would he pick up;
he would gather all that other men had found - weave the net - capture Truth-
-hold her fast - touch her with his hands - clasp her!

He laughed in the merry sunshine, and sang loud. Victory was very near.
Nevertheless, after a while the path grew steeper. He needed all his
breath for climbing, and the singing died away. On the right and left rose
huge rocks, devoid of lichen or moss, and in the lava-like earth chasms
yawned. Here and there he saw a sheen of white bones. Now too the path
began to grow less and less marked; then it became a mere trace, with a
footmark here and there; then it ceased altogether. He sang no more, but
struck forth a path for himself, until it reached a mighty wall of rock,
smooth and without break, stretching as far as the eye could see. "I will
rear a stair against it; and, once this wall climbed, I shall be almost
there," he said bravely; and worked. With his shuttle of imagination he
dug out stones; but half of them would not fit, and half a month's work
would roll down because those below were ill chosen. But the hunter worked
on, saying always to himself, "Once this wall climbed, I shall be almost
there. This great work ended!"

At last he came out upon the top, and he looked about him. Far below
rolled the white mist over the valleys of superstition, and above him
towered the mountains. They had seemed low before; they were of an
immeasurable height now, from crown to foundation surrounded by walls of
rock, that rose tier above tier in mighty circles. Upon them played the
eternal sunshine. He uttered a wild cry. He bowed himself on to the
earth, and when he rose his face was white. In absolute silence he walked
on. He was very silent now. In those high regions the rarefied air is
hard to breathe by those born in the valleys; every breath he drew hurt
him, and the blood oozed out from the tips of his fingers. Before the next
wall of rock he began to work. The height of this seemed infinite, and he
said nothing. The sound of his tool rang night and day upon the iron rocks
into which he cut steps. Years passed over him, yet he worked on; but the
wall towered up always above him to heaven. Sometimes he prayed that a
little moss or lichen might spring up on those bare walls to be a companion
to him; but it never came.

And the years rolled on; he counted them by the steps he had cut - a few for
a year - only a few. He sang no more; he said no more, "I will do this or
that" - he only worked. And at night, when the twilight settled down, there
looked out at him from the holes and crevices in the rocks strange wild
faces.

"Stop your work, you lonely man, and speak to us," they cried.

"My salvation is in work, if I should stop but for one moment you would
creep down upon me," he replied. And they put out their long necks
further.

"Look down into the crevice at your feet," they said. "See what lie there-
-white bones! As brave and strong a man as you climbed to these rocks."
And he looked up. He saw there was no use in striving; he would never hold
Truth, never see her, never find her. So he lay down here, for he was very
tired. He went to sleep forever. He put himself to sleep. Sleep is very
tranquil. You are not lonely when you are asleep, neither do your hands
ache, nor your heart. And the hunter laughed between his teeth.

"Have I torn from my heart all that was dearest; have I wandered alone in
the land of night; have I resisted temptation; have I dwelt where the voice
of my kind is never heard, and laboured alone, to lie down and be food for
you, ye harpies?"

He laughed fiercely; and the Echoes of Despair slunk away, for the laugh of
a brave, strong heart is as a death blow to them.

Nevertheless they crept out again and looked at him.

"Do you know that your hair is white?" they said, "that your hands begin to
tremble like a child's? Do you see that the point of your shuttle is
gone? - it is cracked already. If you should ever climb this stair," they
said, "it will be your last. You will never climb another."

And he answered, "I know it!" and worked on.

The old, thin hands cut the stones ill and jaggedly, for the fingers were
stiff and bent. The beauty and the strength of the man was gone.

At last, an old, wizened, shrunken face looked out above the rocks. It saw
the eternal mountains rise with walls to the white clouds; but its work was
done.

The old hunter folded his tired hands and lay down by the precipice where
he had worked away his life. It was the sleeping time at last. Below him
over the valleys rolled the thick white mist. Once it broke; and through
the gap the dying eyes looked down on the trees and fields of their
childhood. From afar seemed borne to him the cry of his own wild birds,
and he heard the noise of people singing as they danced. And he thought he
heard among them the voices of his old comrades; and he saw far off the
sunlight shine on his early home. And great tears gathered in the hunter's
eyes.

"Ah! they who die there do not die alone," he cried.

Then the mists rolled together again; and he turned his eyes away.

"I have sought," he said, "for long years I have laboured; but I have not
found her. I have not rested, I have not repined, and I have not seen her;
now my strength is gone. Where I lie down worn out other men will stand,
young and fresh. By the steps that I have cut they will climb; by the
stairs that I have built they will mount. They will never know the name of
the man who made them. At the clumsy work they will laugh; when the stones
roll they will curse me. But they will mount, and on my work; they will
climb, and by my stair! They will find her, and through me! And no man
liveth to himself and no man dieth to himself."

The tears rolled from beneath the shrivelled eyelids. If Truth had
appeared above him in the clouds now he could not have seen her, the mist
of death was in his eyes.

"My soul hears their glad step coming," he said; "and they shall mount!
they shall mount!" He raised his shrivelled hand to his eyes.

Then slowly from the white sky above, through the still air, came something
falling, falling, falling. Softly it fluttered down, and dropped on to the
breast of the dying man. He felt it with his hands. It was a feather. He
died holding it.


III. THE GARDENS OF PLEASURE.

She walked upon the beds, and the sweet rich scent arose; and she gathered
her hands full of flowers. Then Duty, with his white clear features, came
and looked at her. Then she ceased from gathering, but she walked away
among the flowers, smiling, and with her hands full.

Then Duty, with his still white face, came again, and looked at her; but
she, she turned her head away from him. At last she saw his face, and she
dropped the fairest of the flowers she had held, and walked silently away.

Then again he came to her. And she moaned, and bent her head low, and
turned to the gate. But as she went out she looked back at the sunlight on
the faces of the flowers, and wept in anguish. Then she went out, and it
shut behind her for ever; but still in her hand she held of the buds she
had gathered, and the scent was very sweet in the lonely desert.

But he followed her. Once more he stood before her with his still, white,
death-like face. And she knew what he had come for: she unbent the
fingers, and let the flowers drop out, the flowers she had loved so, and
walked on without them, with dry, aching eyes. Then for the last time he
came. And she showed him her empty hands, the hands that held nothing now.
But still he looked. Then at length she opened her bosom and took out of
it one small flower she had hidden there, and laid it on the sand. She had
nothing more to give now, and she wandered away, and the grey sand whirled
about her.


IV. IN A FAR-OFF WORLD.

There is a world in one of the far-off stars, and things do not happen here
as they happen there.

In that world were a man and woman; they had one work, and they walked
together side by side on many days, and were friends - and that is a thing
that happens now and then in this world also.

But there was something in that star-world that there is not here. There
was a thick wood: where the trees grew closest, and the stems were
interlocked, and the summer sun never shone, there stood a shrine. In the
day all was quiet, but at night, when the stars shone or the moon glinted
on the tree-tops, and all was quiet below, if one crept here quite alone
and knelt on the steps of the stone altar, and uncovering one's breast, so
wounded it that the blood fell down on the altar steps, then whatever he
who knelt there wished for was granted him. And all this happens, as I
said, because it is a far-off world, and things often happen there as they
do not happen here.

Now, the man and woman walked together; and the woman wished well to the
man. One night when the moon was shining so that the leaves of all the
trees glinted, and the waves of the sea were silvery, the woman walked
alone to the forest. It was dark there; the moonlight fell only in little
flecks on the dead leaves under her feet, and the branches were knotted
tight overhead. Farther in it got darker, not even a fleck of moonlight
shone. Then she came to the shrine; she knelt down before it and prayed;
there came no answer. Then she uncovered her breast; with a sharp two-
edged stone that lay there she wounded it. The drops dripped slowly down
on to the stone, and a voice cried, "What do you seek?"

She answered, "There is a man; I hold him nearer than anything. I would
give him the best of all blessings."

The voice said, "What is it?"

The girl said, "I know not, but that which is most good for him I wish him
to have."

The voice said, "Your prayer is answered; he shall have it."

Then she stood up. She covered her breast and held the garment tight upon
it with her hand, and ran out of the forest, and the dead leaves fluttered
under her feet. Out in the moonlight the soft air was blowing, and the
sand glittered on the beach. She ran along the smooth shore, then suddenly
she stood still. Out across the water there was something moving. She
shaded her eyes and looked. It was a boat; it was sliding swiftly over the
moonlit water out to sea. One stood upright in it; the face the moonlight
did not show, but the figure she knew. It was passing swiftly; it seemed
as if no one propelled it; the moonlight's shimmer did not let her see
clearly, and the boat was far from shore, but it seemed almost as if there
was another figure sitting in the stern. Faster and faster it glided over
the water away, away. She ran along the shore; she came no nearer it. The
garment she had held closed fluttered open; she stretched out her arms, and
the moonlight shone on her long loose hair.

Then a voice beside her whispered, "What is it?"

She cried, "With my blood I bought the best of all gifts for him. I have
come to bring it him! He is going from me!"

The voice whispered softly, "Your prayer was answered. It has been given
him."

She cried, "What is it?"

The voice answered, "It is that he might leave you."

The girl stood still.

Far out at sea the boat was lost to sight beyond the moonlight sheen.

The voice spoke softly, "Art thou contented?"

She said, "I am contented."

At her feet the waves broke in long ripples softly on the shore.


V. THREE DREAMS IN A DESERT.

Under a Mimosa-Tree.

As I travelled across an African plain the sun shone down hotly. Then I
drew my horse up under a mimosa-tree, and I took the saddle from him and
left him to feed among the parched bushes. And all to right and to left
stretched the brown earth. And I sat down under the tree, because the heat
beat fiercely, and all along the horizon the air throbbed. And after a
while a heavy drowsiness came over me, and I laid my head down against my
saddle, and I fell asleep there. And, in my sleep, I had a curious dream.

I thought I stood on the border of a great desert, and the sand blew about
everywhere. And I thought I saw two great figures like beasts of burden of
the desert, and one lay upon the sand with its neck stretched out, and one
stood by it. And I looked curiously at the one that lay upon the ground,
for it had a great burden on its back, and the sand was thick about it, so
that it seemed to have piled over it for centuries.

And I looked very curiously at it. And there stood one beside me watching.
And I said to him, "What is this huge creature who lies here on the sand?"

And he said, "This is woman; she that bears men in her body."

And I said, "Why does she lie here motionless with the sand piled round
her?"

And he answered, "Listen, I will tell you! Ages and ages long she has lain
here, and the wind has blown over her. The oldest, oldest, oldest man
living has never seen her move: the oldest, oldest book records that she
lay here then, as she lies here now, with the sand about her. But listen!
Older than the oldest book, older than the oldest recorded memory of man,
on the Rocks of Language, on the hard-baked clay of Ancient Customs, now
crumbling to decay, are found the marks of her footsteps! Side by side
with his who stands beside her you may trace them; and you know that she
who now lies there once wandered free over the rocks with him."

And I said, "Why does she lie there now?"

And he said, "I take it, ages ago the Age-of-dominion-of-muscular-force
found her, and when she stooped low to give suck to her young, and her back
was broad, he put his burden of subjection on to it, and tied it on with
the broad band of Inevitable Necessity. Then she looked at the earth and
the sky, and knew there was no hope for her; and she lay down on the sand
with the burden she could not loosen. Ever since she has lain here. And
the ages have come, and the ages have gone, but the band of Inevitable
Necessity has not been cut."

And I looked and saw in her eyes the terrible patience of the centuries;
the ground was wet with her tears, and her nostrils blew up the sand.

And I said, "Has she ever tried to move?"

And he said, "Sometimes a limb has quivered. But she is wise; she knows
she cannot rise with the burden on her."

And I said, "Why does not he who stands by her leave her and go on?"

And he said, "He cannot. Look - "

And I saw a broad band passing along the ground from one to the other, and
it bound them together.

He said, "While she lies there he must stand and look across the desert."

And I said, "Does he know why he cannot move?"

And he said, "No."

And I heard a sound of something cracking, and I looked, and I saw the band
that bound the burden on to her back broken asunder; and the burden rolled
on to the ground.

And I said, "What is this?"

And he said, "The Age-of-muscular-force is dead. The Age-of-nervous-force
has killed him with the knife he holds in his hand; and silently and
invisibly he has crept up to the woman, and with that knife of Mechanical
Invention he has cut the band that bound the burden to her back. The
Inevitable Necessity it broken. She might rise now."

And I saw that she still lay motionless on the sand, with her eyes open and
her neck stretched out. And she seemed to look for something on the far-
off border of the desert that never came. And I wondered if she were awake
or asleep. And as I looked her body quivered, and a light came into her
eyes, like when a sunbeam breaks into a dark room.

I said, "What is it?"

He whispered "Hush! the thought has come to her, 'Might I not rise?'"

And I looked. And she raised her head from the sand, and I saw the dent
where her neck had lain so long. And she looked at the earth, and she
looked at the sky, and she looked at him who stood by her: but he looked
out across the desert.

And I saw her body quiver; and she pressed her front knees to the earth,
and veins stood out; and I cried; "She is going to rise!"

But only her sides heaved, and she lay still where she was.

But her head she held up; she did not lay it down again. And he beside me
said, "She is very weak. See, her legs have been crushed under her so
long."

And I saw the creature struggle: and the drops stood out on her.

And I said, "Surely he who stands beside her will help her?"

And he beside me answered, "He cannot help her: she must help herself.
Let her struggle till she is strong."

And I cried, "At least he will not hinder her! See, he moves farther from
her, and tightens the cord between them, and he drags her down."

And he answered, "He does not understand. When she moves she draws the
band that binds them, and hurts him, and he moves farther from her. The
day will come when he will understand, and will know what she is doing.
Let her once stagger on to her knees. In that day he will stand close to
her, and look into her eyes with sympathy."

And she stretched her neck, and the drops fell from her. And the creature
rose an inch from the earth and sank back.

And I cried, "Oh, she is too weak! she cannot walk! The long years have
taken all her strength from her. Can she never move?"

And he answered me, "See the light in her eyes!"

And slowly the creature staggered on to its knees.

And I awoke: and all to the east and to the west stretched the barren
earth, with the dry bushes on it. The ants ran up and down in the red
sand, and the heat beat fiercely. I looked up through the thin branches of
the tree at the blue sky overhead. I stretched myself, and I mused over
the dream I had had. And I fell asleep again, with my head on my saddle.
And in the fierce heat I had another dream.

I saw a desert and I saw a woman coming out of it. And she came to the
bank of a dark river; and the bank was steep and high. (The banks of an
African river are sometimes a hundred feet high, and consist of deep
shifting sands, through which in the course of ages the river has worn its
gigantic bed.) And on it an old man met her, who had a long white beard;
and a stick that curled was in his hand, and on it was written Reason. And
he asked her what she wanted; and she said "I am woman; and I am seeking
for the land of Freedom."

And he said, "It is before you."

And she said, "I see nothing before me but a dark flowing river, and a bank
steep and high, and cuttings here and there with heavy sand in them."

And he said, "And beyond that?"

She said, "I see nothing, but sometimes, when I shade my eyes with my hand,
I think I see on the further bank trees and hills, and the sun shining on
them!"

He said, "That is the Land of Freedom."

She said, "How am I to get there?"

He said, "There is one way, and one only. Down the banks of Labour,
through the water of Suffering. There is no other."

She said, "Is there no bridge?"

He answered. "None."

She said, "Is the water deep?"

He said, "Deep."

She said, "Is the floor worn?"

He said, "It is. Your foot may slip at any time, and you may be lost."

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