Every tiling serves for a handle

To take folks' good name away.
In backbiting vile each so labours,

The sad faults of others to show body ;
I could tell enough of my neighbours,

But I never says nothing to nobody.

'Tis a snug little house I reside in,

And the people who're living next door
Arc smother'd completely such pride in

As I never met with before :
But outside the door they don't roam,

A large sum of money they owe body ;
Fdks call, but can't find them at home,

1 never says nothing to nobody.

Tin- butcher, so greasy and f*at,

When out he does nothing but boast;
Ho struts, as he cocks on lii> hat,

A.- if lie supreme nil'd the roast :
Talks of his wealth and his riches,

Consequence always does show body;
His ugly old wife wears the breeches,
But J never says nothing to nobody.
The baker lives quite in great style,

His wife is, oh! Lord, stu-ii a fright ;
New dresses she's got a great pile,

They sleep cut of town .very ni-lit.
Country cottage, completely in state,
Determin'd not to be a low body ;
He's been pull'd up three times for short weight,

But I never says nothing to nobody.
The publican, thriving in trade,

With sorrow is now looking down ;
His sweet li'.tle pretty bar-maid

, little one just brought to t"\\n.
11. '- nut to be .-<ru much abi-Mt,

His wife i> a deuce ,'f a shrew body;
The beadles are on the look out,

But I never says nothing to MObod^T.
A methodist parson of fame,

very often \^(> by ;
Hi- heart is fdl'd full of love's flame,

H" visits a girl on the sly.
Altho' this daily I see,

And surely he's but a so so body ;
Ot course, as 'tis nothing to me,

I never says nothing to nobody.
The new married couple, so happy,

Seem both the quintessence of love ;
He calls her, before every sappy,

My darling, my duck, and my dove.
In private there's nothing but strife,

Quarrelling, fighting o'erflow body ;
In short, quite a cat and dog life,
But I never says nothing to nobody.
I could tell, if I Hk'd, such a state

Of neighbours all round, great and small ;
That surely I think, at Margate,
Would really astonish you all.
But here now my short ditty ends,

I don't want to hurt high or low body ;
I wish to keep in with my friends,
So I never says nothing to nobody !

Although Howell was vulgarly called the
ninth part of a man, he possessed proper no-
tions of honor, and he would not be insulted
with impunity. He was once grossly insulted
by a powerful athletic person, nearly thirty
years younger than himself. The aggressor
wanted Howell to settle it on the spot, a la
Cribb. The old man observed that, having
some years since injured one of his arms, his



skull having also been trepanned, &nd his
right leg seriously hurt when hunting, he did
not consider himself a match for the aggressor
at fisty cuffs ; he therefore called him out to
meet him on the Fort the next morning at five
o'clock. Howell attended precisely at the
appointed time ; but his antagonist overslept
himself, and Howard retired from the field
covered with glory.

During the winter months he would take a
trip to London for a clay or two, to see some
of his old acquaintances. At one of the well-
known theatrical dinners at the Garrick's
Head, Bow-street, he appeared like a veteran
military officer, his breast almost covered with
badges ; or, to use the words of a great ama-
tory poet, like a house over-insured. On
being recognized by one of his friends, who
asked him (Howell) the meaning of his appear-
ing adorned with so many " orders" " Or-
ders !" replied he, bursting out into a loud
laugh, " these are not orders. Don't you see
they are medals ? they have been roted to me
for the service I have seen. This is my Noble
Grand's medal, belonging to the order of Odd
Fellows ; the second is the gift from the Noble
Druids ; the third is a present from the Bucks'
Lodge, &c., &c. I am also a Loyal Briton, a
Knight of the Cauliflower, an Old Codger, an
Eccentric, an Independent John, and a Phi-
lanthropic. I belong to these societies ; and
have I not a right to put on all my medals to
pay respect to this company ? And have I
not a right to sing my song if I like 1 I have
been an ODD Fellow all my life ; and so I
shall always remain, until I get fastened up iu
my Cupboard* at home ; and then I shall re-
main an Odd Fellow :



Air" LIBERTY HALL! "

This world for ODD FELLOWS, was ever renown'd,
And Attain the first was an Odd fellow found :
For if with Eve he'd not kept to his tether,
We never had met here Odd Fellows together.

Tol de rol, &c.

W jat numbers of different Brothers we see,
Brother Bucks, Brother Gauls, Brother Masons,

so free,

But the BROTHER that all other Brothers exceed,
Is an ODD FELLOW, who is a Brother indeed.

There's some kind of Brothers will lie, cheat, and

curse,

And other bad Brothers that often do worse ;
O may all such fellows 'mongst us ne'er be seen,
And Brothers against 'em pray drop a Black bean.

Let good humour reign animosity vanish,
Revenge from our hearts let us joyfully banish ;
For as it is ODD to assist one another,
They ODD FELLOWS are that relieve a poor
Brother.

To our wives and our sweethearts let's ever be

true,
And strive for to please them as they may pleate

you ;

Be gentle and kind agreeable and mellow
To all men on earth, they'll prefer an ODD

FELLOW.



* His Coffin ; or, his ODD piece of furniture, as he
jocularly termed it to all his friends and acquaint-
ances.



104



PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.



Let us touch not on politics, party, <
Nor trouble ourselves with the natic



or cause,

Nor trouble ourselves with the nation and laws ;
But do to each Brother as you'd be done by,
And ODD FELLOWS you'll be tho' you LIVE till
you die.

Tol de rol, &c.

For the last ten years of his existence he
was as well known to the annual visitors of
Margate as the lighthouse itself. Take a walk
on the pier, a stroll on the jetty, promenade
the libraries, or view the steamers start for
London or return to Margate if you did not
run against old Howell it would be considered
a rarity indeed ! In his house and gardens
at Dane Hill, he displayed great eccentricity
by the manner in which they were furnished
and laid out. Even his weathercock was a
sporting character, and each of the vanes ex-
hibited^subjects connected with the field.

The loss of his wife and daughters affected
him considerably : but the death of his last
daughter, a short time before his own, shook
him fearfully. He told the writer of this
sketch, in Sept. 1830, on the jetty at Mar-
gate, " That his health was excellent, but his
spirits were fast leaving him, and, in spite of
his fortitude, at times he had great difficulty
in rallying them ; yet," said he, " I will not
meet troubles half-way, and I will endeavour
to prove myself game to the end of the chap-
ter." What philosopher of antiquity ever said
more to the purpose ?

Five years ago, so little did he fear the ap-
proaches of death, that he sent for Mr. Mer-
rall, carpenter, opposite the theatre at Mar-
gate, to measure him for his coffin ; or, to use
his own words, to provide him with his last



DKATH comes but once, the philosophers say,
And 'tis true, my brave boys, but that once is a
clencher :

It takes us from Drinking and loving away,
And spoils at a blow the best tippler and wencher !

And DEATH comes to all, so they tell us again,
Which also 1 fear, my brave boys, is nn FABLE !

Yet the moral it teaches to me is quite plain,
Tis to love all we can and to drink all we are able I

He was buried in the old church-yard on
the 7th of June. The hearse was followed by
two mourning coaches, containing neighbours.
A vast number of the inhabitants collected
round his grave, to pay him the last tribute.
If Howell did not obtain so high a character
at Margate as the late Beau Nash did at Bath,
he nevertheless was as important a personage
in his way ; and Napoleon is not more con-
nected with the history of the world, than
Howell with that of the town of Margate :
Peace to his manes ! Metropolitan Mag. with
several additions by the Editor.



FIELD SPORTS FOR MARCH.

" Blow, ye brave March winds bellow in the gale

Bend the tall mast distend the seaman's sail

Whistle through crumbling turrets : shake the rest

Of the fond flutterer in her ivied nest

Fan up the dusty whirlwind with thy wing

(In gossip, parley ransom for a king)

Crack your puff 'd cheeks ! the HUNTER will not

yield

His seat at feast-board, or his place in field :
' Hark-forward !' ' Tally-ho !' must still resound,
In union jovial, with the horn and hound ;
And still your breeze but serves more strong to brace
Our joyous spirit for the jocund chase !"

" March winds," instead of blustering, like
a bully, fox-hunters out of the field, are rather,



J1*I A 1 C* UU11 J 1VFJV -UUJ..HI/ A V Wfc WJ frUV Ul'lU. CfcftV AClLllt/1

surtout. It was made of mahogany, extremely ]ike ft welcome est contributors to the plea-
handsome, with hinges to the hd, and a lock sureg of the entertainment. March is a glo-

ami l.'o-tr A srmarp nlatp rtf cnass \v:is a so . .,/..!



and key. A square plate of glass was also
fixed in the lid ; but over which was placed,
at his death, a solid plate of brass ; and the
following inscription was engraved upon it
when the coffin was made :

JOHN HOWELL,

Died 18 ,

Aged Years.

The blanks, of course, were filled up with
" Died May 31, 1831, aged 70 years/' Nu-
merous curious visitors at Margate took a peep
at the coffin during the different seasons, no
application being refused by the maker of it
while it was with him. Howell's eccentricities
never deserted him ; and within two days of
kits death he sent the following serio-comic
message to the above architect of his coffin :
* Mr. Merrall, I have sent a bob for your man
to get my house ready for me : let him dust it
well, and also clean the handles." Talk of
sir Thomas Moore on ascending the scaffold,
after this !

" An' if it be the last bottle," observes the



nous month for the red-coats (thank our
fortunes we are not at war, and therefore
soldiers are not meant) it is the " maddening
moment" of their delight their triumph
their victory ! The cry every where " Broke
cover !" "Tally-ho !" "Hark forward !"
" Hey ! wind him, and cross him !" " Dead
beat!" Who-hoop!"

Yet, whilst March is a month in which the
operation of the chase (as regards the noblest
of all Field Sports, Fox-hunting) may be pro-
secuted with ardour and spirit, it also places
an interdiction upon other popular pastimes.
The COURSER has no business, if he be a real
Courser, to slip his dogs ; nor a keeper of
HARRIERS to cheer his hounds upon a hare,
after February has finished his little day, and
ended his shortened reign. The hares, espe-
cially in such a mild unfrosted season as the
winter of 1831-2 has been, will be very for-
ward in gestation ; nay, we have it from au-
thority, as potential as any duke's, that leverets
have already been dropped ; and we ask r
therefore, if it be consistent with sporting,
Editor of Death's I fjjj. EMPRESS or AUSTRIA IN THE HuNTlNaiire, that animals
welcome ; for this li FrELD Yesterday, the Empress of Austria had her from dropping,
dregs and lees, and t! ipaugural essay over an Irish hunting country, and was ous prey ? No,,
which can be called afforded one of tho most brilliant runs that the famed Ire" might once
Ward Union members have ever enjoyed. Her Majesty
was mounted on the superb black hunter Domino, lately-



hunted by Mrs. Morrogh, wife of the master, and all tho
members of the Imperial suite were splendidly horsed.
The Empress rodo magnificently throughout, having a



members of the Imperial
The Empress rodo magni
most graceful seat and faultless hands



To-day her



PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.



105



haye done ; but we live in more liberal times
sporting as well as political. The Test laws
are gone the Game laws must follow.

The SHOOTER has not a very wide field for
his skill remaining; but le bon terns viendra,
the good time will come again ; in the mean
while, wild-fowl will give him some employ-
ment, and plenty of exercise.

The ANGLER (we speak now of a pleasant
and unobtrusive pastime, not of a field sport)
must put his " braw brass wheels" and his
tackle together. He may take the waters.
Let him, however, equally avoid the misty
morn and the " dewy eve" they will be his
friends, his allies, when the " May flowers"
come; but not till then. The "glorious noon,
lit up by spring-tide sun," must be his hour;
and then the bag may be animated, and the
basket moistened, by many a silver- sided dace,
a carp (consuming Port wine in the cookery),
the variegated perch (prickle-backed, and
armed against the pike), and other smaller fry :
but leave, my good " Piscator," my gentle
" Scholar," the golden-spotted trout

" 'Till April's genial, honey'd ahower
Fills up the buJ, and paints the dower."



SONG.-T. Y. C.

Written for the Thames Yacht Club, by Ben Back-
stay, one of its Members.

Ttme. There's nae luck about the house.
When duty on a sailor calls, he scorns to tarry long,
And I am call'd by duty now to sing my friends a

song ;
Tho' not a " Man of Letters," still I own I'm fond of

three,

So, for the subject of my song, I've chosen T. Y. C.
And these letters shall foremost be

Where melody's the rub ;
And harmony the order be
Of this the Thames Yacht Club.

I will not strive in others' coats a hole or Saw to pick,
But, tho' our motto's T. Y. C., we never go on tic ;
And calumny's detracting wave shall ne'er our bark

oYrwhelm,

Whilst lionesty our coxwain is, and honour takes the
helm.

For the T. Y. C. shall foremost be

When virtue is the rub ;
And probity the beacon be

Of this the Thames Yacht Club.
The gods their attributes have given to aid us in

distress ;
They Friendship* have sent down from heaven the

Thames Yacht Club to bless :
Another gift as great and good, should Fortune's winds

blow rude,

To safely ride the tempest through, they've giv'n us
Fortitude.*

And the T. Y. C. shall toremost be

When friendship is the rub ;
And amity the maxim be
Of this the Thames Yacht Club.

A.S sage Ulysses" son possess'd Minerva by his side,
In Mentor's form his course to steer o'er life's tem-
pestuous tide,
So we are favour'd, too, with aid celestial in its

source ;

The goddess still, in Mentor's form, is here to guide
our course.

And the T. Y. C. shall foremost be

Where wisdom is the rub ;
And honesty the coxwain be
Of this the Thames Yacht Club.



The solace of a sailor's life, and equal to his glass,
Is that, when all his labour's o'er, he may enjoy

his lass;
And Heav'n, e'er mindful of our wants, comniission'd

from above,

And sent down Venus* to our fleet, who reigns th
Queen of Love.

And the T. Y. C. shall foremost be

When beauty is the rub ;
And gallantry the north star be

Of this the Thames Yacht Club
We correspond with other worlds, and orbs beyond

our sphere ;

For in the system of our fleet a Comet* does appear:
And if from earth we'd soar on high, to view celestial

things,

'Tia done for we can go aloft on Royal Eagles'*
wings.

And the T. Y. C. shall foremost be,

Where honor is the rub ;
And honesty the coxwain be
Of this the Thames Yacht Club.

Should e'er Old England's fabled roe, the Dragon, re-
appear,
To spit fire at our gallant fleet, we've nothing still

to fear ;

For harmless would be all his rage, his reign a tran-
sient hour,

For England's Champion, brave St. George,* would
re-display his power :

For the T. Y. C. shall foremost be

Where courage is the rub ;
And bravery the watch-word be
Of this the Thames Yacht Club.

Jf lassitude overtake us here and rest should be

desir'd,
Each T. Y. C. can ride in turn the Seahorse* when

he's tir'd ;
The very passions of the mind are chang'd when in

our fleet,

Tor, tho' Deception's one of us, we never use deceit :
And the T. Y. C. shall formost be

Where courage is the rub ;
And probity the maxim be
Of this the Thames Yacht Club.

Now toast the Don Giovanni's crew, who bear the

prize away,
And may they always sail as well as they have sail'd

to-day !
Then fill each glass with sparkling wine, and bumpers

let them be,

And drink to Captain Davey's health his health with,
3 times 3 :

For the cup is won, the match is done,

And settl'd is the rub ;
Let mirth abound, and glee go round,
In this the Thames Yacht Club.



THE CORPORAL AND HIS CAT.

" Every one to their fancy" said the Old
Woman when she kissed her cat ; and it IB
urged that " a cat may look at a king." Be it
so. We have heard of the great CaMer-fel to
and his wonderful black cat, and we Lave also
been told of a tortoise-shell Tom cat being
knocked down by an auctioneer, to a great
connoisseur in cats, an elderly maiden lady,
for 300. . Whether Mr. Bulwer, the fashion-
able novelist, took his ideas from the above
sources, we cannot state, but, in his recently
published novel of Eugene Aram, he has ar-
gued in a caf-e-gorical manner on the feline
species : although he has not produced a cat-
a-strophe on the subject, yet he has scratched
out a crtf-a-logue of the caMike talons of ifcc

* Names of the different yachts.



106



PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.



old Corporal's favorite pussey cat. " The
cat of Jack Bunting," says Mr. Buhvcr, u was
once more feared than respected throughout
the village." The Corporal was a cunning
teacher of all animals : he could learn gold-
finches the use of the musket ; dogs the art of
the broadsword ; horses to dance hornpipes
and pick pockets; and he had relieved the
ennui of his solitary moments by imparting
sundry accomplishments to the ductile genius
of his cat. Under his tuttion puss had learned
to fetch and carry ; to turn over head and tail,
like a tumbler ; to run up your shoulder
when you least expected it; to fly as if she
were mad at any one upon whom the Corporal
thought fit to set her ; and, above all, to rob
larders, shelves, and tables, and bring the pro-
duce to the Corporal, who never failed to con-
sider such stray waifs lawful manorial acqui-
sitions. These little feline cultivations of
talent, however delightful to the Corporal, and
creditable to his powers of teaching the young
idea how to shoot, had nevertheless, since the
truth must be told, rendered the Corporal's
cat a proverb and by word throughout the
neighbourhood. Never was cat in such bad
odour ; and the dislike in which it was held
was wonderfully increased by terror ; for the
creature was singularly large and robust, and
withal of so courageous a temper, that if you
attempted to resist its invasion of your property,
it forthwith set up its back, put down its ears,
opened its mouth, and bade you fully compre-
hend that what it feloniously seized it would
gallantly defend. More than one gossip in
the village had this notable cat hurried into
premature parturition, as, on descending at
day-break into her kitchen, the dame would
descry the animal perched on the dresser,
having entered, God knows how, and gleaming
upon her with its great green eyes, and a ma-
lignant, brownie expression of countenance.

Various deputations had indeed, from time
to time, arrived at the Corporal's cottage, re-
questing the death, expulsion, or perpetual
imprisonment of the favorite. But the stout
Corporal received them grimly, and dismissed
them gruffly ; and the cat still went on, waxing
in size and wickedness, and baffling, as if in-
spired by the Devil, the various gins and traps
set. for its destruction. But never, perhaps,
was there a greater disturbance and perturba-
tion in the little hamlet, than when, some three
weeks since, the Corporal's cat was known tc
be brought to bed, and safely delivered of a
numerous offspring. The village saw itself
overrun with a race, and a perpetuity of Cor-
poral's cats ! Perhaps, too, their teacher
growing more expert by practice, the descend-
ants might attain to even greater accomplish-
ment than their nefarious progenitor. No
longer did the faint hope of being delivered
from their tormentor by an untimely or even
natural death, occur to the harassed Grass-
dalians. Death was an incident natural to one
cat, however vivacious, but here was a dynasty
of cats ! Principes wort ales, respublica elcrna !



BOB RULLOCK the fancy waterman's LAKXXT
By IOM TUGG, Ju.

Bob Rullock was a rower stout,

And in his cap he wore
A feather, on which he plum'd himself

: Le feather of his oar.

No scientific wight was he,

Of knowledge over full ;
But understood phrenology,

And handled well a skull.

In rowing he took more delight

Than if it were his trade ;
A cutter 'twas, in which he row'd,

For each oar had a blade.

On shore he was both staunch and stiff,

Nor bent to tyrant's sway ;
But, when he was on board a boat,

He always did " give way."

The sprightly hornpipe he could dance

With grace and skill I vow,
But never put out all his strength,

Till he got to the bow.
A kinder youth than he did ne'er

To please a maiden learn ;
When walking he would sweetly smils j

When rowing looked &-stern.
A widow fair he chanc'd to meet,

And ardent love he pleads ;
His heart was (like his oar sometimes)

Entangled in the weeds.

Whilst rowing once, he thought of her

For whom his bosom burn'd ;
He turn'd his oar within the stream,

And so he got o'er-turn'd.
When presently the coxwain cries,

" Ne crabs must here be caught ;
Said Rob, " I did not think of them

I thought upon my thwart."

" Pray do you angle !" ask'd a friend,
" When up the Thames you go {"

Said he, " We care not for the fish,
We only want the row."

To Gravesend with the crevy he went

(They often made such trips),
And when they got below bridge, all

Were rowing in 'mid ships.

Their boat's way oft was stopt perforce

When vessels came athwart her ;
Although, when r Giving against time,

They lik'd not to " back water."

" What craft is that moor'd off the Tower?

The Ark it is I see,
Now, if this Ark were at the Nore,

Nore's Ark it sure would be."

" A race upon our larboard bow !

They're fouling let's give way !
There seems some font work going on,

We'll go and see fair play."

" Push off! Why, where's the boat-hook gone!

Will no one for it look ?
The bow-man he should always have

An eye upon the hook."

" We must put in and bale the boat

Although we cannot stay
For she makes water quite as fast

As ever she makes way."

" The tide is turning : if we stop

'Twill be hard work for each :"
" We can't reach Blackwall 'gainst the tide,

Though we may Blackwall-reach."

" Those gibbets are remov'd, whoeo sight

Did make beholders cough ;
There's no longer any carrion

For crow* to carry off"



PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS



107



" There's the beginning of Gravesend !"
" Ah ! what is that you say r"

4 ' He speaketh truth and/eefeti it,
For he seeJA Eritli Bay."

So now ray Ballads and Gravesend,
I've reached, !>ut have not stated

How Robert Rullock got a icij'e,
And ever since got rated.

Alas ! his lady play'dhim false,

So when he went ashore,
He dashed his skull against a wall,

And thus his life gave o'er.



CURIOUS CASE AT FOUR-HANDED CRIBBAGE.

Wherein not any of the four parties can
hold a single first point in hand, and yet
the dealers shall win the game the first show.
PASQUIX. Example. Let A and B deal
against C and D, each person to hold a three,
four, and six, seven, with any tenth card,
and each to lay out their tenth card for the
crib ; D then cuts the card for the turn up,
which proving to be a knave, A and B mark
two points. It being C's first play, he leads
with pitching his four, which B pairs, and
marks two points ; D then plays his four, and
marks six points for a pair royal ; A then
plays his four, making a double pair royal,
for which he scores twelve points;' C then
plays again with his three, which is paired by
B, who marks two points more ; D plays his
three, and marks six for a pair royal ; and A
comes in with his three likewise, which mak-
ing a double pair royal, and the end hole,
he marks for such thirteen points; C then
plays off again with his seven, and marks
six points ; and A, playing his seven, makes
a double pair royal, for which, and the end
hole, he marks thirteen points more ; here
again C plays his six, which is paired by B,
who scores two points ; D plays his six, and
marks six points ; and A, who is the last
player, makes a double pair royal with his
six, for which and the end hole, he marks