4, Grosvenor Street West,
Grosvcnor Place.
My Dear Sir,
I am sorry I have only the Sport-
ing Magazine from 1822 to 28, which I pre-
sume will furnish you with no information
you are not in possession of. Should you
wish to see them they are quite at your
service. I have annexed Mr. Gulley's address
Wishing you every success in all your under-
takings, and that you and family are quite
well, I remain,
Very sincerely yours,
Jan. 18, 1832, JOHN JACKSON
P. Egan, Esq.
DANIEL DABB !
Written by THOMAS TUCKER, one of the Crack*
Club.
The present period appears to be " the
reign of the TOMMY'S," in the world of poetry,
and, rather singular to observe, they have all
amused the state, and the community have
been highly pleased with their productions.
There are to be met with, if the reader should
have the good fortune to pounce upon them, in
some of his strolls of an evening in the metro-
polis, the justly celebrated Anacreon TOMMY
JMoore ; the delightful " Pleasures of Hope,"
TOMMY Campbell; the merry Punster, TOMMY
Hood; the SpeUt Writer, TOMMY Dibdin ;
the Crack Poet, TOMMY Tucker; "and
last, though not least, in our dear loves,"
the convivial Poet, " TOMMY Hudson, who
not only writes his songs, but sings them
" excellently well" into the bargain, and in a
style of real comic humour, peculiar to him-
self. In consequence of Dan. Dub. being a.
* CRACK, the ; or, ALL THE CRACK. The fashion,
able theme. The Go! Grose,
t Spell & cant term for the Theatre
PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.
15
crack article in the regions of fun and
laughter, and some of the literary pirates of
the day having made an attempt to rob
TOMMY Tucker of the merit due to his song,
we are induced more especially, on that ac-
count, to give publicity to it, that TOMMY
may enjoy the crack of his own composition.
SONG.
There was a man, named Daniel Dabb,
(A hapless man was he),
Who sometime lived in a sea-port,
But it was not Port sea.
He dealt in fish and mended shoes,
But could not make it do,
Although he sometimes sold a fish,
And sometimes soled a shoe.
So of a quack he learned to bleed,
And draw teeth with precision,
And as he knew the heeling art,
He set up as physician.
He took a cellar, which you know
Is always under ground,
And sometimes heel'd a pair of shoes,
And sometimes heal'd a wound.
' Hy fish and shoes and drugs,' said he,
'"I hope I shall rise higher,
For by a cellar I can't live,
Unless I have a buyer.
On wealth I've staked my all and last,
And trust that I shall win it,
For if a trny of trades won't win,
1 think the deuce is in it.'
But people would not have teeth drawn,
Because it gave them pain ;
And bleeding, when folks will not bleed,
You know is all in nvw,
One day, when at his cellar-head
He sat with doleful face,
A servant maul came up to him,
And asked him for a plaice.
He'd herrings s/iotten, though not shot,
That shone like any gem,
Ami though he placed them all in rows,
Rnrx had no place in them.
Says Sue, ' they are all skin and scales,
And full of bones within ;'
Says he, I've mussels without bones,
And very little skin !
Says Sue, ' they're poison, though I own
That I for some with soy long ;
And as for poison I've heard say,
The French call all fish poisson.
But I should like a little fish.'
Says Dan, I've no white bait;
And as the eels are slipper;/ things,
You'd better take a skate.'
1 Oh no, a plaice 1 want, 'says Sue :'
Says Dan, ' this is the case,
Because I was not out in time,
You see I'm out of plaice.'
' Indeed,' says Sue, 'why so am I,
My mistress wants one stronger ;
And though she says I am too short,
She does not want me lov^er.'
' If that's the case, dear Sue,' says Dan,
' \\ hv something must be done
So as we two are out of place,
"Why let us two make one.
To mend folk's shoes, and serve them fish,
Some want of help I feels ;
So while I drive nails in their toes,
\\ liy you can skin your eels.'
' Oh, no,' says Sue, ' that will not do!
I'll find some other work ;
For since you are a mussel-mar.
You'd use me like a Turk.
So off she ran, and left poor Dan
A disappointed t>lf ;
And whf'n he'd cried fish all that day,
At night he cried himself.
Next morn on a large nail he hung
And hung till he was pale ;
For though death took him off the hooks
He could not off" the nail.
And when they bore him to the grave,
She wrung her hands and cried ;
And some one rung his knell, although
It was for Sue-he-sighed.
Fel, 1830,
DR. ABERNETHY AND THE FOXHUXTER.
Exercise is the best Physic.
In spite of the doctor's well-known confi-
dence, he was to be managed and he was
frequently defeated against his will, when he
least expected it : although eccentric to the
very echo of eccentricity, yet the eccentric man
had the best chance with him in overcoming
his peculiarities : the blunt man often got the
better of the doctor's rudeness ; and the bold
hero, something after the manner of " Greek to
Greek," more than once or twice proved his
master. The following incidents will illustrate
his eccentricity. A jolly-hearted fox-hunter
in the neighbourhood of Doncaster, one of
those choice-spirits who had lived rather " too
fast" for his constitution devoted to his lass
and his glass fond of his dog and his gun
and " Yoicks ! hark forward, tally ho !" to
him far sweeter sounds than Braham's ' Beau-
tiful maid* felt himself out of sorts in other
words, he could not tell what was the matter
with him ; he therefore consulted the Bolus of
the place, of whom the whole parish declared
no man could better
Gild a pill,
Make a bill,
Or bleed or blister !
But the country apothecary, with all his Caleb
Quotem sort of talent, proved of no use to the
fox-hunter ; the complaint of the latter got
worse and worse, and he was determined to-
consult, without any more delay, one of the
faculty in London. Abernethy was pointed
out to him as most likely to make him hearty
again ; but, at the same time, it was intimated
to him the reception he would probably meet
with on making his bow. " Never mind,"
said he, " if I do not prove myself a match for
the doctor, may my mare refuse the first leap
she comes to ; may I never again be in at the
death." On stating the nature of his com-
plaint to Abernethy, the latter replied, " Sir,
the sooner you go back, the better ; you have
come on a fool's errand. I am no doctor." The
fox-hunter, in great surprise, observed, u Per-
haps, Sir, I have mistaken the house ; and if I
have intruded myself into your company I am
sorry for it. May I ask, Sir, is your name
Abernethy ? " u Yes," replied the doctor,
* Abernethy is my name." u Abernethy, and
no doctor !" said the fox-hunter ; " but I have
been told you are a joker though a joke to a
man who has come 200 miles is rather too much
out of place for him to relish it \ n " Joke or
no joke," answered Abernethy, " you will finJt
I am no doctor ; and the sooner you quit nix
16
PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.
Louse the better," (getting up to ring the bell
for the servant.) " Hear me, doctor Aberne-
thy," replied the fox-hunter (pulling out his
purse at the same time), lt I have not much
knowledge it is true, but I trust I have too
much sense to put my purse in competition
with my constitution ; therefore, name your
fee, and, be it great or small, I will give it to
you. That you are a doctor, and a man of
great skill, Fame reports all over the kingdom :
your talents have induced me to travel 200
miles expressly for your advice ; therefore none
of your tricks upon travellers. I will not be
disappointed ! Advice I come for and ad-
vice I will have !" (running immediately up to
the door, locking it, and putting the key into
his pocket.) He then held out his wrist to the
doctor. " You will have advice," echoed the
doctor in a rage, " Insolent man ! not from me.
I again tell you that I am no physician." The
fox-hunter, putting himself in a boxing atti-
tude, advanced towards Mr. Abernethy, and,
in an offensive manner, exclaimed, " Then, by
G I will make a doctor of you ; and if you
do not feel my pulse without any more equiv-
ocation, I will feel yours, and also administer
to you some points of my practice. I will
likewise give you an emetic, without the
smallest particle of physic in it, that shall
make you sick for a month." The doctor, re-
treating, said, with astonishment, ** What are
you about? Are you going to strike me?"
" Yes," replied the fox-hunter, " I am as cool
as a cucumber : and nothing shall stop me in
my pursuit : dangers I fear not ; and to leap
over a steeple is a trifling concern to me when
the game is in view ; therefore, I again repeat,
feel my pulse, or else " The doctor im-
mediately laid hold of his arm, and in a sort of
whisper, as the players have it, aside exclaim-
ed " and a d d strong pulse it is !" then,
in a louder tone, " suppose I had not felt your
pulse what then ?" " Why," replied the fox-
hunter, with a most determined look attached
to the expression, " I would have run you
down sooner than I would a fox : and have
made you more timid than a hare, before you
could have sung out for the assistance of either
of the colleges." " The devil you would,"
said the doctor ; u nevertheless, I admire your
candour ; and I am not at all disposed to quar-
rel with your bluntness ; and as you have been
so extremely explicit with me, I will render
myself as perfectly intelligible to you, and also
with as much sincerity. Your pulse tells me
that you are a far greater beast than the horse
you ride ; indeed the animal is the most prefer-
able character of the two by comparison your
liorse feels the spur and attends to it; the whip
to him is not applied in vain ; and he eats,
drinks, and takes his rest more like a rational
being than his master. While, on the con-
trary, the man with a mind, or at least who
ought to possess something like the exercise
of intellect, is all excess he drinks to excess
he eats to excess he hunts to excess he
smokes to excess." " Bravo, doctor nay more,
my friend," replied the fox-hunter, quil
pleased, " only say that my pulse has bee
abused, but not worn out that I shall one
more be upon the right scent, and that th
effects of training will enable me again t
enjoy the ( view halloo I' accompanied by ros
health, and I will be yours, &c., for ever
will do any thing, I will apologise to you
" Retract one word that you have uttered,
suppressing a smile, answered the doctoi
u and I will be dumb ! and you will lose the
advice you almost fought to obtain : first, bu
my book, then let nature be your principz
guide in future, and when you are at fauli
Mr. Fox-hunter, consult page , and you wil
be able to decide upon your own case." " Bu
your book ?" said the fox-hunter, M aye, that
will ; and I should think it cheap, if it cost a
much as Rees's Cyclopaedia. I will purchas
it in a canter, and it shall be as bible-proof t
me for the remainder of my life." " Do then
and make your exit without delay 1 have los
too much time already," answered the doctor
" I am off like a shot," replied the fox-huntei
" but the first toast I shall propose at the clul
on my return home, will be * Long life to Dr
Abernethy/ " " Fox-hunter, farewell ! " sai<
the doctor, " Remember that your horse i
your example drink only when you are dry-
satisfy your hunger when it requires it an<
when Nature points it out to you, take rest !'
The fox-hunter behaved liberally as to the fei
they shook hands together like men wh<
had a respect for each other the doctor beinj
perfectly satisfied that his patient belonged t<
that class of persons who are vulgarly deno
minated "rum customers;" and the fox-hunte
did not quit the house of Mr. Abernethy, with
out being equally impressed that the docto
was one of those extraordinary men not to b<
met with amongst 20,000 human beings !
Metropolitan Mag.
LOVE OF BEARS.
It has been observed, with a great deal o
truth, that " one man's meat is another man';
poison," and the same assertion might b<
made respecting the difference of taste am
attachment. In the recently published Tour,
by Captain Frankland, in his visit to th<
courts of Sweden and Russia, he observes,
that " Count Ottermann was more remark
able for his love of bears than of the fine arts
It is related of him, that when he gave {
great dinner, he used to cause to be placec
behind the chairs of his guests, a bear, whicl
thrusting his shaggy head over the shouldei
of the convive, would growl out his supplica
tions for food, and extend his pawless stumps
(for he was mutilated to prevent mischief)
towards the table. How strange that a man,
who ought to have passed his days in the ca
verns of the Orsine species, should hav<
built and lived in a palace of marble anc
gold ! This is, indeed, barbarous magniti
cence."
PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.
17
MIRAB1LE DICTU! SHAVING A HORSE!!!
" THE lo-iger we live," it is said, " the more
;va shall see ;" but, in opposition to the above
old adage, the quibblers assert, " there is
nothing NEW under the Sun. !" But we most
decidedly enter our protest against this doc-
trine, and the ' TALE, or Circumstance,' we
are about to unfold, will enable us to show
that we have quite a NEW FEATURE in the
history of our times, to lay before the public.
It is true, that we have heard of the mighty
doings of the Flying Childers ; the Phenome-
non Trotting Mare ; the out-and-out Tom
Thumb ; and the celebrated Eclipse. We have
also seen Mr. Ducrow perform his unrivalled
feats with his wonderful cattle ; in fact, every
thing connected with horses, has excited our
attention, from the high-mettled racer down to
he crib-biters, roarers, jibbers,and Rosinantes
of all descriptions ; but, most certainly, we
Sft.
never, before the present instance, heard of in
our lives, since we first saw the day-light,
a HORSE BEING SHAVED!!! But,
without any further remarks upon the subject,
as facts are stubborn things and speak for
themselves, we shall content ourselves wit^
A round, unvarnish'd tale I
It must be admitted as one of the most ex.
traordinary circumstances in the year 1831 ;
nay more, as a capital ' wind-up' to that event-
ful period; then thus it is:
COURT OF CONSCIENCE !
FIELD, a (Barbatic), versus WELLS, Gene.
The above personages did not employ coun-
sel to assist them in this knotty affair; bui
preferred, as the best mode of saving expenses.
18
PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.
to have a l Baltic of Brains' between them-
selves ; and the Commissioners accordingly
sat as umpires upon the occasion. The above
cause excited considerable interest amongst
the contending parties, as a question of some
considerable importance between the Bar-
batics of the metropolis and the dealers in
horseflesh. The court was crowded to excess
by the above description of characters ; and
numerous bets were laid such as a gallon of
ale to two quarts of heavy whet, and a bottle
of rum to a quartern of max; both parties
were very sanguine as to the verdict ; there-
fore, it was the ' Barbatic against the Prad ;'
and, on the other hand, the * Hanimal against
the Barbatic.'
The case was opened by Mr. Field, the
horse shaver; most certainly, not in that su-
perlative style of eloquence, which distin-
guishes the celebrated orations of Counsellor
Phillips, who possesses the extraordinary fa-
cility of language to give elegance to a mud
cabin, and also to paint the heroine of it in all
the glowing charms of a Venus de Medicis ;
yet, nevertheless, Mr. Field opened his case
in prime twig. He not only lathered his sub-
ject well, but shaved it from all doubts as
clean as a whistle ; and also convinced the
Commissioners that he had got a head upon
his shoulders, and ' summut' inside of it. He,
however, apologized for the awkwardness of
his situation, and said he would be as ' brief
as possible.' He had been told by one of his
customers that i Brevity was the soul of wit;'
therefore, he would come to the point at once,
without any more gammon. His appearance
in the Court of Conscience, Mr. Field ad-
mitted, was quite a new feature in his his-
tory ; it was most true, that he had hid, in his
little way of business, a great deal more to do
with the head than with the heart ; he, there-
fore, was extremely sorry that he could not
quote Latin to answer his purpose, in order
that he might put his argument in a proper
train for the clear comprehension of the Com-
missioners, whom he was given to understand
were learned men, and much above his humble
station in life. But he remembered reading
somewhere or other, that when " Needs must,
the Devil drives." That was his case ; in-
deed, he was very much confined in his cir-
cumstances ! Time was his principal capital ;
and the sum of Thirty Shillings much too
large to be absent from his empty till. He,
therefore, appeared in the extraordinary situ-
ation of a Barber, to obtain Thirty Shillings
for SHAVING A HORSE !
" Shaving a horse J" exclaimed the Com-
missioners ; the court convulsed with laughter.
u Yes, your Worship', 'pon my soul, it's no
lie ; the defendant, Mr. Wells, who is in court,
brought his horse to me to be shaved."
It appeared that the Barbatic (the plaintiff)
was a man of first rate abilities as an artiste
in his most useful line, not only to give decency
to his Majesty's re-formed subjects, but also
to give them a clean imposing sort of look in
society ; or, in other words, a prepossessing
appearance. No man could ' CUT a head
with more elegance and taste than Mr. Field ;
indeed, he operated with the scissars with all
that sort of ease and freedom, which charac-
terise the hands of an artist in sketching the
(human face divine !) With the razor he was
equally an adept, and expert to the echo that
applauds again ; he could remove a beard of a
week's growth from the iron cheek of a black-
smith, in a twinkling .; in fact, his powers of
lidivation were immense ; he could lop off
the exuberant hairs of a Numscull, like elec-
tricity ; but for the production of a curl, he
was the tippy, the go, the non-such : in truth,
Mr. Field was a nonpareil Barbatic ; and no
doubt can be expressed, that he was the iden-
tical man to perform the difficult job in dis-
pute before the Commissioners.
The plaintiff, in continuation, stated, that
the horse was shaved with the intention of
having a ' new coat, 'upon the animal.' " Now,
Gentlemen," said he, " that was an excellent,
nay better, an original idea, and leaving the
taste of the thing altogether, it showed that
Mr. Wells had some nous in his head. A new
coat ! every body is aware of the great ad-
vantages of a new coat in society the
bows, the scrapes, and the polite nods it brings
to the wearer. It is like meeting an old friend
with a new face!"
Here a friend of the magistrates whispered
to one of the commissioners, saying, ' it has
been observed by the witty George Colman,
What's expected from a horse, with an Apothecary on
his back?
not much, perhaps, but when there is an artist
to be found in the world that can effect so de-
sirable a change to metamorphose a horse
with a rugged, ugly, dingy, uncouth appear-
ance ; to remove a coat as rough and unsightly
as a hedgehog ; and, strange to say, to give
him a new feature at Tattersall's, the Horse
Bazaar, or Jack Morris's establishment, and
turn him out as a complete new article to sur-
prise, the gentlemen ; to humbug the Jerveys ;
take in the dealers in horseflesh ; and the
auctioneer, not ' up to it,' why then I do as-
sert the talents of such a barber or any other
artist are cheap at any price.
The plaintiff said, the hor=e had been at-
tempted to be shaved by the defendant on the
part of the rump, but, from the want of skill
in the art, the poor beast was most miserably
notched ; and, indeed, he was quite a sight.
The defendant also got tired after four hours'
working, when he threw down the razor and
pot of lather with disgust, vexation, and dis-
appointment, and, in his rage, swore it was a
worse attempt than washing a blackamoor
white. The poor teazled horse was then
handed over to the plaintiff to finish the job,
" And a precious job it was," said he, " the
razors in my shop were in a state of requisi-
tion for ten days, during which time the
shaving was going on. It was nothing else
PIERCE EGAN'S BOOK OF SPORTS.
19
but lather and sharpen, lather and sharpen
the razor from day -light in the morning
until the darkness of the night gave him some
relief. I was also obliged as I went on, to
wrap up the bald parts to prevent the horse
from catching cold. It was totally impossible
that the Commissioners could have any idea
of the trouble he had had they could not
possibly judge of the difficulty of SHAVING A
HORSE ; comparisons were out of the question
in shaving themselves (roars of laughter}. It
vvas a different sort of business altogether,
and he defied any barbatic to " go over" such
a sized animal for less than three shillings per
day, besides going over the chins of his usual
customers in the same time. In truth, his cus-
tomers had but a sorry time of it ; he had had
so much to do with the previous kicker that
he could only give them a " lick and a pro-
mise [ incessant peals of laughter.]
Mr. Myers, of St. Michael's Alley, one of
the worthy commissioners, endeavoured to as-
sume a gravity if he possessed it not ; and,
with as stern a countenance as the chancellor
on the woolsack, asked what objection was
made to the charge ?
The defendant (Mr. Wells) said, that he con-
sidered the sum of 30s. for merely taking the
hair off a horse certainly too much ; especially
as lie had done a good deal of the job himself.
The plaintiff, with much warmth, declared
that the part on which the defendant had
attempted to operate was so badly done that,
if it had not been shaved again, the coat
of the horse would have been as rough upon
MIP rump as a hand-saw ; while, on the con-
trar,, all the rest was as smooth as the body
of a new-born-babe [roars of laughter ; and
the cry of silence useless].
The defendant said, that any horse-clipper
would have completed the business for much
less money.
The plaintiff, in a rage, answered, it was
impossible : it was true, he had never shaved
a horse before, and it would be lucky for
them if they ever caught him in such a pre-
dicament again it was a regular sweater!
He had lost at least, by the violent exercise
he had undergone in performing the disagree-
able task, added to the fears of getting a kick
for his pains every minute, upwards of a
stone and a half in his weight. And, if he
undertook any more jobs of such a dangerous
description, he was afraid that he should
lose so much flesh off his bones that the boys
in the neighbourhood, would shout out,
" there he goes, the living skeleton" [loud
laughter}. The perspiration had rolled down
his cheeks like soap-suds down a gulley-hol^
he never was in such a pickle before in
the whole course of his life.
Mr. Myers asked the defendant what he
generally paid for a shave for himself?
The defendant (feeling his chin), Why, two
pence I think is generally the price.
Mr. Myers. Aye, a pennya cheek ! Now,
how many of your jaws do you think would
make up for the size of a horse ? [The laughter
was here so loud that some time elapsed before
the reply could be heard.]
The defendant said such a question ought to
have been put to the accountant-general, who
was a dab in figures, and not to an unlettered
man like himself; indeed, it was a subject for
a master in chancery to give an opinion upon.
One thing he knew, they had got him in chan-
cery, and he wished himself well out of it.
But he was sure there was less delicacy re-
quired in shaving a horse than a man !
Mr. Myers, with one of Jack Reeve's sort
of comical flourishes, observed, not a bit more
than in shaving an ASS !
[It was some minutes before the court re-
sumed its gravity.]
The plaintiff, with a face full of anxiety,
said, only look at a horse, and the chance of
a kick from him might spoil any man all the
days of his life afterwards. Besides, I went
over the beast as clean as possible. I turned
him out as smooth as a looking glass, and as
nice as a new made pin, down to the fet- locks.
He was completely metamorphosed ; the old
ostler that had looked after him for several
months did not know him again no one knew
him again I did not know him, he was so
much altered for the better. [Laughter.]