feited by the builder if he should fail
to observe any of the stipulations, or at-
tempt to put in his notions where the
contract made no provision for them.
The captain sailed, and returned.
His house stood in ample and im-
posing proportions before his sight,
and he confessed, himself delighted
with the exterior. But when he en-
tered and attempted to ascend to the
47
second floor of the building, he found
no stairs, and no means of ascent were
to be had till ladders were sent for.
The captain felt that he was trifled
with, and a bit of a nautical gale seem-
ed brewing. But this was soon quieted
by the opening of the written contract,
and there was found not the least pro-
vision for stairs in any part of the
house ! " Give me your hand, sir,"
said the noble captain at once; "all
right ! You've stuck to the contract,
and I like it."
The stairs were subsequently, at a
great expense, put in, and the captain
often remarked that one of the pleas-
antest things about his elegant resi-
dence was, the remembrance of one
man who could stick to the very terms
of a contract !
Ben Russell, the Printer : Exciting
Scene.
BENJAMIN RUSSELL or " Major
Ben," as he was familiarly called
who for years figured with such diver-
sified conspicuousness, as editor and
publisher of the Columbian Centinel,
Boston, was always a model of enter-
prise and industry. For years after
the publication of that paper, he not
only acted as the sole editor and re-
porter, but also worked .considerably
at the " case," in setting type, and per-
formed a goodly share of the press-
\vork.
It is related of him among a thou-
sand anecdotes and incidents illustrat-
ing his marked individuality of char-
acter that once having published an
article which was considered personal
and highly offensive by a certain gen-
tleman of high standing in the commu-
nity, the aggrieved person visited the
unfortunate printer, armed with a san-
guinary-looking cowskin, and fully de-
termined to give Mm a sound thrash-
ing. According to the custom of the
times, he was arrayed in white kersey-
mere small clothes, white silk stock-
738
COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.
ings, and white vest. Mr. Russell was
at the time most busily engaged, with
his coat off and shirt sleeves rolled up,
in handling the press balls for distrib-
uting ink rollers were not known in
those days and his astonishment may
barely be conceived when he saw a
well-dressed gentleman enter the office
abruptly, in a towering passion, and,
making toward him, " fall to " with a
cowskin.
The printer fronted his antagonist,
and very professionally made a pass at
him with his press balls, which took
effect, one on his visitor's snowy vest,
the other on his left cheek and fore-
head. Another blow with the cowskin
another thrust with the balls which
served admirably well the purposes of
both sword and shield.
In a few minutes the advocate of
Lynch law, who, when he entered the
office, looked as neat and trim as if he
had just been taken from a bandbox,
was covered with ink printers' ink,
black and oily from, head to foot ; his
hat was knocked off in the melee, his
gay costume was transformed into a suit
of mourning, and his face was as black
and glossy as a native citizen of Tim-
buctoo. He soon found he was playing
a losing game, and beat a retreat, fol-
lowed by Major Ben, who had now got
his hand conveniently in, and gave his
assailant a last furious push between
the shoulders, as he sprang into the
street, mentally resolving never again
to molest a printer, especially when en-
gaged in his calling.
Wholesale Joke upon Shoemakers.
HENLEY, the celebrated mob orator,
succeeded in collecting the greatest
number of shoemakers ever known to
assemble, at one time, by announcing
that he would teach them " a new and
most expeditious mode of making
shoes." When they were gathered to-
gether in prodigious numbers, they
learned that the " new art " to be
taught them was no other than that
of cutting off the tops of boots ! Being
thus enlightened in respect to their
"understandings," the innocent fra-
ternity dispersed.
The writer of this anecdote displays
his penchant for punning by saying, " I
cannot think the representatives of
Prince Crispin would have pocketed
this 'bootless' insult. I think they
would have 'bristled' up, one and
'all,' and 'waxing' wroth, would
not have waited for the ' ends ' of
justice, but would have brought the
orator down from his 'gilt tub,' and,
persevering to the ' last,' have put
their ' soles ' upon his neck till he
had discovered, too late, that the
'gentle craft' might not be insulted
with impunity."
German Book Fairs.
THE long celebrated Leipsic book
fair was established before the end of
the sixteenth century. It prospered so
rapidly that, in 1600, the Easter cata-
logue, which has been annually printed
ever since, was printed for the first
time. It now presents every year, in a
thick octavo volume, a collection of
new books and new editions, to which
there is no parallel in Europe. At the
fair all the brethren of the trade flock
together in Leipsic, not only from every
part of Germany, but from every Euro-
pean country where German books are
sold, to settle accounts and examine the
harvest of the year. The number al-
ways amounts to several hundreds, and
they have built an exchange for them-
selves. It is here that every German
author wishes to produce the children
of his brain, and that, too, only during
the Easter fair. He will submit to any
degree of exertion that his work may
be ready for publication by that im-
portant season, when the whole broth-
erhood is in labor, from the Rhine to
the Vistula. If the auspicious moment
pass away, he willingly bears his bur-
WHOLKSALE JOKK UPON SHOEMAKERS
OCCUP ATIOXS AUXILIARY TO COMMERCE.
739
den twelve months longer, till the next
bibliopolical littering.
Property in Eooks.
MR. ALEXANDER DONALDSON, book-
seller, of Edinburgh, had for some time
opened a shop in London, and sold his
cheap editions of the most popular
English books, in defiance of the sup-
posed common law right of literary
property. Dr. Johnson, though he con-
curred in the opinion which was after-
ward sanctioned by a judgment of the
House of Lords, that there was no such
right, was at this time very angry that
the booksellers of London, for whom
he uniformly professed much regard,
should suffer from an invasion of what
they had ever considered to be secure,
and he was loud and violent against
Mr. Donaldson. Johnson : " He is a
fellow who takes advantage of the law
to injure his brethren ; for notwith-
standing that the statute secures only
fourteen years of exclusive right, it has
always been understood by the trade
that he who buys the copyright of a
book from the author, obtains a per-
petual property ; and, upon that belief,
numberless bargains are made to trans-
fer that property after the expiration
of the statutory term. Now Donald-
son, I say, takes advantage here of
people who have really an equitable
title from usage ; and if we consider
how few of the books of which they
buy the property succeed so well as to
bring profit, we should be of opinion
that the term of fourteen years is too
short ; it should be sixty years."
Dempster: "Donaldson, sir, is anx-
ious for the encouragement of litera-
ture. He reduces the price of books,
so that poor students may buy them."
Johnson (laughing) : " Well, sir, at-
lowing that to be his motive, he is no
better than Robin Hood, who robbed
the rich in order to give to the poor."
English Almanacs First Issue.
THE first almanac in England was
printed in Oxford, in 1673. There were
near thirty thousand of them printed,
besides a sheet almanac for twopence,
that was printed for that year; and
because of the novelty of said almanac,
and its title, they were all vended. Its
sale was so great, that the Society of
Booksellers in London bought off the
copy for the future, in order to engross
the profits in their own hands.
Bather a Puzzling- Occupation.
OP Stuart no mean name, certainly
the following anecdote is related:
He had put up at an inn, and his com-
panions were desirous, by putting
roundabout questions, to find out his
calling or profession. Stuart answered
with a grave face and serious tone, that
he sometimes dressed gentlemen's and
ladies' hair. At that time, high-cropped
pomatumed hair was all the fashion.
" You are a hair-dresser, then ? "
" What ! " said he, " do I look like a
barber ? "
" I beg your pardon, sir, but I infer-
red it from what you said. If I mis-
took you, may I take the liberty to ask
you what you are then ? "
" Why, I sometimes brush a gentle-
man's coat or hat, and sometimes adjust
a cravat."
" Oh, you are a valet, then, to some
gentleman ? "
" A valet ! Indeed, sir, I am not. I
am not a servant. To be sure, I make
coats and waistcoats, for gentlemen."
" Oh, you are a tailor."
" A tailor ! Do I look like a tailor ?
I assure you, I never handled a goose,
other than a roasted one."
By this time they were all in a roar.
" What are you then ? " said one.
" I'll tell you," said Stuart. " Be as-
sured, all I have said is literally true.
I dress hair, brush hats and coats, ad-
just a cravat, and make coats, waist-
740
COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.
coats, and breeches, and likewise boots
and shoes, at your service."
" Oh, ho ! a boot and shoemaker, af-
ter all ! "
" Guess again, gentlemen. I never
handled boot or shoe, but for my own
feet and legs ; yet all I have told you
is true."
" We may as well give up guess-
ing !"
"Well, then, I will tell you, upon
my honor as a gentleman, my lona fide
profession. I get my bread by making
faces."
He then screwed his countenance,
and twisted the lineaments of his vis-
age, in a manner such as Samuel Foote
or Charles Mathews might have envied.
His companions, after loud peals of
laughter, each took credit to himself
for having suspected that the gentle-
man, after all, belonged to the theatre,
and they all knew he must be a come-
dian by profession when to their in-
creased astonishment, he assured them
that he was never on the stage, and
very rarely saw the inside of a play-
house, or any similar place of amuse-
ment. They all now looked at each
other in utter amazement. Before
parting, Stuart said to his companions,
" Gentlemen, you will find that all I
have said of my various employments
is comprised in these few words, I am
a portrait painter! As such, if you
will call at John Palmer's, York Build-
ings, I shall be ready and willing to
brush you a coat or hat, dress your
hair a la mode, supply you, if in need,
with a wig of any fashion or dimen-
sions, accommodate you with boots or
shoes, give you ruffles or cravat, and
make faces for you."
Humors of a Reporter.
MARK SUPPLE was a well-known
parliamentary reporter. He took his
wine frequently at Bellamy's, and then
went up into the gallery and reported
like a gentleman and a man of genius.
The members hardly knew their own
speeches again; but they admired his
free and bold manner of dressing them
up. None of them ever went to the
printing office of the Morning Chronicle,
to complain that the tall Irishman had
given a lame, sneaking version of their
sentiments. They pocketed the affront
of their metamorphosis, and fathered
speeches they had never made. His
way was the hyperbole ; a strong spice
of orientalism, with a dash of the log-
trotter. His manner seemed to please,
and he presumed upon it. One eve-
ning, as he sat at his post in the gallery,
waiting the issue of things, and a hint
to hang his own tropes and figures
upon, a dead silence happened to pre-
vail in the house. It was when Mr.
Addington was speaker. The bold
leader of the press-gang was never bent
upon serious business much, and at this
time he was particularly full of meat
and wine.
Delighted, therefore, with the pause,
but thinking that something might as
well be going forward, he called out
lustily, "A song from Mr. Speaker."
Imagine Addington's long, prim, up^
right figure, his consternation, and
utter want of preparation for, or of a
clue to repel, such an interruption of
the rules and orders of the Parliament.
The house was in a roar. Pitt, it is
said, could hardly keep his seat for
laughing. When the bustle and the
confusion were abated, the sergeant-at-
arms went into the gallery to take the
audacious culprit into custody, and in-
dignantly desired to know who it was ;
but nobody would tell. Mark sat like
a tower on the hindermost bench of
the gallery, imperturbable in his own
gravity, and safe in the faith of the
brotherhood of reporters, who alone
were in the secret. At length, as the
mace-bearer was making fruitless in-
quiries, and getting impatient, Supple
pointed to a fat Quaker, who sat in
the middle of the crowd, and nodded
assent that he was the man. The
OCCUPATIONS AUXILIARY TO COMMERCE.
741
Quaker was, to his great surprise, taken
into immediate custody ; but after a
short altercation and some further ex-
planation, he was released, and the hero
of our story put in his place for an hour
or two, but let off on an assurance of
his contrition, and of showing less wit
and more discretion in future.
Reporting- from Memory.
MR. WILLIAM WOODFALL, the son
of the celebrated printer of the Public
Advertiser, in which the Letters of
Junius first appeared, undertook, with-
out any assistance, the arduous task of
reporting the debates of both houses of
Parliament, day by day, in his father's
paper, and afterward in other daily
journals. This gentleman possessed a
most extraordinary memory, as well as
wonderful powers of literary labor.
It is asserted that he has been known
to sit through a long debate of the
House of Commons, not making a
single note of the proceedings, and
afterward to write out a full and faith-
ful account of what had taken place,
extending to sixteen columns, without
allowing himself an interval of rest.
The remarkable exertions of this most
famous reporter gave the newspaper
for which he wrote a celebrity which
compelled other newspapers to aim at
the same fulness and freshness in their
parliamentary reports.
Rare Editorial Philosophy.
PERHAPS it would be difficult to find
an instance of calmer or more pleasant
philosophy under business trials than
that exhibited by Mr. Greeley, on the
occasion of the burning of the Tribune
Buildings in 1845. In his editorial
article the day after, he says of the
catastrophe : We have been called,
editorially, to scissor out a great many
fires, both small and great, and have
done so with cool philosophy, not re-
flecting how much to some one man
the little paragraph would assuredly
mean. The late complete and sum-
mary burning up of our office, licked
clean as it was by the red flames, in a
few hours, has taught us a lesson on
this head. Aside from all pecuniary
loss, how great is the suffering pro-
duced by a fire ! A- hundred little
articles of no use to any one save the
owner, things that people would look
at day after day and see nothing in,
that we ourselves have contemplated
with cool indifference, now that they
are irrevocably destroyed, come up in
the shape of reminiscences, and seem
as if they had been worth their weight
in gold. We would not indulge in
unnecessary sentiment, but even the
old desk at which we sat, the ponder-
ous inkstand, the familiar faces of files
of Correspondence, the choice collec-
tion of pamphlets, the unfinished essay,
the charts by which we steered can
they all have vanished, never more to
be seen ? Truly your fire makes clean
work, and is, of all executive officers,
supereminent. Perhaps that last choice
batch of letters may be somewhere on
file ; we are almost tempted to say,
"Devil! find it up!" Poh ! it is a
mere cinder now. No Arabian tale
can cradle a wilder fiction, or show
better how altogether illusory life is.
Those solid walls of brick, those five
decent stories, those steep and difficult
stairs, the swinging doors, the Sanctum,
scene of many a deep political drama,
of many a pathetic tale utterly whiffed
out, as one summarily snuffs out a sper-
maceti on retiring for the night. And
all perfectly true.
Editors in a hard Fix.
SOME time since, an eminent English
jurist, Lord Denman, laid down the
law of an editor's liability, to the effect
that an editor has no right to insert any
paragraph before he has ascertained
" that the assertion made in it is abso-
lutely true." So, then, in the case of
742
COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.
the recent discoveries by the Earl of
Kosse's telescope, an editor ought to
have proceeded to the different planets
mentioned and thoroughly ferreted out
the whole matter, before he inserted
any statement respecting them. Ac-
cording to Lord Denman's rather loose
phraseology, the man in the Moon and
Orion would both recover swinging
damages from almost every editor in
the United Kingdom for the "reflec-
tions " cast by the Earl's telescope on
their character as planets.
Affidavit by an Apothecary.
A HIGHWAYMAN, named Bolland,
confined in Newgate, sent for a soli-
citor, to know how he could defer his
trial, and was answered, " By getting
an apothecary to make an affidavit of
his illness." This was accordingly
done in the following manner : " The
deponent verily believes, that if the
said James Bolland is obliged to take
his trial at the ensuing sessions, he will
be in imminent danger of his life ; " to
which the learned judge on the bench
answered that he verily believed so
too. The trial was ordered to proceed
immediately.
Pun on a Cooper.
A, YOUNG man, a cooper by trade,
being pressed very hard by some of his
companions to sing, even after he had
earnestly assured them that he could
not, observed, testily, that they merely
intended to make a ~butt of him. " No,
my good sir," replied one of them, " we
only want to get a stave out of you."
"Hopping" from Obscurity.
THERE was an Englishman of some
celebrity, who used to say that the first
of his ancestors, of any note, was
a baker and dealer in hops, who,
on one occasion, to procure a sum of
money, robbed his feather beds of their
contents, and supplied the deficiency
with unsalable hops. In a few years a
severe blight universally prevailed, and
hops became very scarce, and enor-
mously dear ; the hoarded treasure
was ripped out, and a good sura pro-
cured for hops which, in a plentiful
season, would not have been salable,
and thus, said he, " our family
from obscurity."
Hatter's Present to a Judgre.
JUDGE SEWALL, of Massachusetts,
whose judicial career, in the last cen-
tury, was an honor to himself and his
profession, went one day into a hatter's
shop, in order to purchase a pair of
second-hand brushes for cleaning his
shoes. The master of the shop pre-
sented him with a couple. " TV hat is
your price, sir ? " said the judge. " If
they will answer your purpose," replied
the other, " you may have them and
welcome." The judge, upon hearing
this, laid them down, and bowing, was
leaving the shop ; upon which the
hatter said to him, "Pray, sir, your
honor has forgotten the principal
object of your visit." " By no means,"
answered the judge ; " if you please to
set a price I am ready to purchase;
but ever since it has fallen to my lot to
occupy a seat on the bench, I have
studiously avoided receiving to the
value of a single copper, lest at some
period of my life, it might have some
kind of influence in determining my
judgment."
Compliment to Wharfingers.
A BILL was once brought into the
House of Assembly of Jamaica, for
regulating the duties and fees of wharf-
ingers. During its discussion, Mr.
Paul Phipps, a distinguished member,
said, " I very much approve the bill.
The wharfingers are a set of knaves, /
was one myself for ten years, sir I "
OCCUPATIONS AUXILIARY TO COMMERCE.
743
Old English Ticker.
AN account is given of an old Eng-
lish watch, which was purchased of
Joseph Story, Clerkenwell street, Lon-
don, in 1676, by Benjamin Andrews,
then about the first hardware merchant
in Boston, Mass. It was given to the
father of the present owner, for good
behavior and attention to business, in
his sixteenth year, on condition that
he would never dispose of it. He died
in 1803, and the present owner has had
it in his possession ever since. The
first time it was cleaned, there were
but two watchmakers in Boston, and
one of them was unwilling to take it
in hand lest he should injure the fine
work. The watch was then sent to
London, where it remained a year, and
was cleaned at a cost of five pounds.
The original watch paper still remains
in the case with the date of its pur-
chase. This venerable ticker keeps as
good time as ever, and seems likely to
hold good for a hundred years more.
Ship-building in Ancient Times.
THE art of ship-building has been
attributed to the Egyptians as the first
inventors, the first ship probably a
galley having been brought from
Egypt to Greece, by Danaus, 1485 B. C.
The first double-decked ship was built
by the Tyrians, 786 B. C. The first
double-decked one built in England was
of one thousand tons burthen, by order
of Henry VII., 1509 ; it was called the
Great Harry, and cost about sixty
thousand dollars. Ship-building was
first treated as a science by Hoste, 1696.
Too Awkward to be a Watchmaker.
BEAUMARCHAIS, the author of the
Marriage of Figaro, was the son of a
Parisian watchmaker, but raised him-
self to fame, wealth, and rank by the
mere force of his talents. A young
nobleman, envious of Beaumarchais's
reputation, once undertook to wound
his vanity and pride by an allusion to
his humble origin handing him his
watch, and saying, " Examine it, sir ;
it does not keep time well pray ascer-
tain the cause." Beaumarchais ex-
tended his hand awkwardly, as if to
receive the watch, but contrived to let
it fall on the pavement. " You see, my
dear sir," replied he, " you have applied
to the wrong person ; my father always
declared that I was too awkward to be
a watchmaker."
An Emperor Blowing a Blacksmith's
Bellows.
DURING the journey of the Emperor
Joseph the Second, to Italy, one of the
wheels of his coach broke down on
the road, so that it was with difficulty
he reached a small village at a short
distance. On his arrival there, his
majesty got out at the door of the only
blacksmith's shop the town afforded,
and desired him to repair the wheel
without delay.
" That I would do, very willingly,"
replied the smith, " but it being holi-
day, all my men are at church, the very
boy who blows the bellows is not at
home."
" An excellent method then presents
of warming one's self," replied the
emperor, preserving his incognito ; and
he immediately set about blowing the
bellows, while the blacksmith forged
the iron.
The wheel repaired, six sols were
demanded for the job ; but the emperor
gave six ducats. The blacksmith re-
turned them to the traveller, saying,
" Sir, you have made a mistake, and
instead of six sols have given me six
pieces of gold, which no one in the vil-
lage can change."
" Change them when you can," said
the emperor, stepping into the car-
riage ; " an emperor should pay for
such a pleasure as that of blowing the
bellows."
744
COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.
Errors of the Press.
THE original memoirs of Cowper the
poet, were apparently printed from an
obscurely written manuscript. Of this
there is a whimsical proof, where the
Persian Letters of Montesquieu are
spoken of, and the compositor, unable
to decipher the author's name, has con-
verted it into Mules Quince I
A newspaper heads an advertisement,
"Infernal Remedy." This may be
quite true, but it is probable that " in-
ternal remedy " was intended. Mis-
takes, even of a single letter, are sad
things. As another example, a news-
paper commenced an article on Pro-
fanity, with saying, " It was a practice
with our immoral Washington, never
to allow profanity in his presence,"
etc. ; the word " immoral " should of
course have been " immortal." So, in
publishing an obituary notice of a dis-
tinguished and esteemed man, the com-
positor made the writer to say of the
deceased, " He has truly left no shal-
low " footprints on the sands of time,"
instead of " footprints," as Longfellow's
immortal line has it.
The editor of a religious newspaper,
in reference to an individual, took oc-