labor. Needles were many times as
dear then as now, so that the case was
valued at some hundreds of dollars,
which, but for my care and industry,
would have been spoiled entirely. And
one day, when a custom-house officer
came into the store to search for smug-
gled goods, I showed him every place
in the store except where they were.
The goods were delivered out again,
an-d sent in small parcels to Boston and
New York, for sale.
The pains I had taken, and the value
of my services, led me to expect a gen-
erous reward, and I congratulated my-
self with the anticipated, profits of fidel-
ity to the trust reposed in me. "When
the last package of goods was removed,
one of the smugglers came to me and
said, "You are a capital . little fellow;
if I had you in my store you would be
worth your weight in gold. Always
be as faithful, and you will always be
trusted."
Expectation was now on tiptoe ; I
would not have given a sixpence to in-
sure a twenty-dollar bill in rny hand
the next moment, but, like most high
worldly hopes, mine were doomed to
disappointment. The republican smug-
gler put his hand in his pocket and
solemnly drew forth an American half
dollar! "That," said he, "is the real
coin, the true American eagle ; keep it,
and be sure you always avoid an Eng-
lishman as you would an adder." He
took his valise in his hand and walked
toward the stage office ; I looked after
him till he was out of sight, and his
gait, form, and figure, to the smallest
outline, are as fresh in memory now as
at that moment (I was then a boy), and
the contempt I then felt for him has
never been effaced. I have met him
often in the streets of New York ; he
does not know me, but I never passed
him without laughing, though I have
kept his secret to this day.
Throwing- Sawdust in the Eyes of
Custom-House Officers.
AN ingenious ruse was played by a
wag who, before the working of the
saline springs of New York, made it a
business to smuggle salt from Canada
into the " States." One day, having
got wind that he was suspected, he
loaded his bags with sawdust, and
drove past the tavern where the sus-
picious excisemen were waiting for
him. He was ordered to stop, but he
only increased his speed. At length
he was overtaken, and his load in-
spected, with many imprecations from
the eager officials, after which he was
permitted to pass on. A day or two
after he drove up again, with a full
load of salt, and asked, banteringly, if
they didn't want to search him again.
" Go on ! go on ! " said the officials ;
" we've had enough of you 1 "
Snug- Place for Bank Notes.
A GREAT number of false bank notes
were at one time put into circulation
within the dominions of the Czar.
They could only have been imported ;
but although the strictest search was
made habitually over every vessel en-
tering a Russian port, no* smuggling of
false notes was discovered. Accident,
however, at last brought the mystery
to light. It happened that several
cases of lead pencils arrived one day
from England, and were being exam-
ined, when one of them fell out from a
package, and the custom-house officer,
picking it up, cut it to a point, and
used it to sign the order which deliv-
ered up the cases to the consignee. He
kept the one loose pencil for his own
use ; and a few days afterward, because
it needed a fresh point, cut it again,
and found that there was no more lead.
Another chip into the cedar brought
him to a roll of paper nested in a hol-
low place. This paper was one of the
false notes engraved in London, and
TRADE AND BUSINESS IMMORALITIES.
271
thus smuggled into the dominions of
the Muscovite.
Parisian Female Smugglers.
THE smuggling of game and such
taxable articles into Paris, under the
petticoats of women, has become so fre-
quent that a female has been attached
to the bureau of the department, in or-
der that she may search under the gar-
ments of suspected individuals of her
sex. Recently a woman known as the
Hottentot Venus presented herself at
one of the gates. The agents, who are
always jealous of stout people, request-
ed the lady with the phenomenal con-
tour to stop. She refused, and pushed
by. One of the custom-house employes
seized her, and commenced pressing his
fingers on various parts of her fictitious
body, as if he were feeling to see wheth-
er she was ripe. She screamed and
fought, and in her struggles a partridge
fell from under her skirts to the ground.
Her contraband wares were probably
strung like dried apples, and the escape
of the partridge loosened the whole.
Down came a quail, and then a snipe,
and then another quail, and a wood-
cock, until the woman, whose embon-
point had now visibly diminished, was
thrust into the office, where the female
attendant of the establishment com-
menced a thorough investigation. When
all was over, the victim was found to
be a very spare person, not weighing
over ninety -five pounds.
Smuggling by the Chinese.
ALTHOUGH the Chinese smugglers do
not precisely fear the mandarin boats,
they always endeavor to avoid them,
unless they have come to some agree-
ment. If, however, they cannot escape
being overhauled, they endeavor to ne-
gotiate, and will offer the mandarin and
his crew a cumsha (a present) in order
to obtain permission to continue their
voyage. They do not fight except at
the last extremity, or unless the de-
mands of the mandarin are too exorbi-
tant or, what is still more rare, unless
that functionary shows himself inacces-
sible to corruption, and will not traffic
his duties.
Doing Things on Shares.
HERE is a case illustrating the work-
ing of the "peculiar institution of"
doing things on shares. A happened
to have more pigs than he could keep,
while his neighbor B had more milk
than he could dispose of. One day, A
brought two pigs over and deposited
them in B's pen, saying that he wished
B to keep them two months and have '
one of them as his share. B replied
that, as he had plenty of feed, he would
keep them four months and have them
both, as, of course, that would amount
to the same thing ! A left, saying that
he supposed it was all right, but
guessed he wouldn't bring any more.
"Doing" and "Shaving" Customers.
"A FOOL and his money are soon
parted" a proverb not founded on
fact, but a great favorite with mer-
chant princes and cabmen on the oc-
casion of their having, in their respect-
ive callings, succeeded in " doing " a
liberal customer. With what gusto
does the " gentleman " relate to his
partner, over a bottle at his country
seat, how easily the greenhorn took the
bait ! " An entire car^o ten per cent,
above the market price said he sup-
posed it was ' all right ' would take
my word for it ; ha ! ha ! ha ! a fool
and his money are soon parted 1 " And
listen to the humbler but not meaner
chuckling of the hackdriver over his
gin twist : " Charged him a dollar from
Whitehall to the Astor forked over
the tin without a word ! A fool and
his money," etc. The fact is, an avari-
cious man sees no wit in liberality or
open dealing. Shylock began it : " This
272
COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.
is the fool that lent out money gratis ! "
It's all wrong. A Wall-street broker of
the best reputation once said that the
hardest man to " shave " as he tech-
nically expressed himself is a fool.
" Sir," said he, " you don't know where
to have 'em ; you can't stick soft cheese
on a hook ! "
Settling a Question of Taste and Trade.
MR. JONES was down to 'York once,
and being very fond o' sassengers, he
went into an eatin' shop to get some.
While he was a-hearin' of 'em fry, his-
sin' and sputterin' away, a man was
buyin' some of 'em raw at the counter,
and while he was a-tyin' of 'em up, a
chap came in with a fuz cap and a
dirty drab sustout, and laid down a lit-
tle bundle at fur eend o' the counter.
He looked at the keeper, and see he
was a little busy; so he said, lookin'
sly at him as he went out, says he,
" 'Tan't no matter about the money
now, but that makes eleven " p'intin'
toward the bundle. Jones looked at
the bundle, and says he saw the Jimd
of a cat stickin' out at the eend, with
long smellers onto it as long as his fin-
ger ! He left that shop 'mazin' quick,
and has had no relish for the article
sence, tho' once so savory and tooth-
some to him.
"Newscloth."
A PUBLISHER in Greenock, Scotland,
having been fined for printing news on
unstamped sheets of paper contrary to
the law in such cases retaliated by
printing on cloth, which is not speci-
fied in the act calling his journal the
"Greenock Newsc&tfA," in allusion to
the material.
Expedient of a Russian Miser.
A RUSSIAN merchant, who was so
immensely rich that on one occasion he
lent the Empress Catharine the Second
a million of roubles, used to live in a
small, obscure room in St. Petersburg,
with scarcely any fire, furniture, or at-
tendants, though his house was larger
than many palaces. He buried his
money, in cash, in the cellar, and was
so great a miser that he barely allowed
himself the common necessaries of life.
He placed his principal security in a
large dog of singular fierceness, which
used to protect the premises by barking
nearly the whole of the night. At length
the dog died ; when the master, either
impelled by his sordiclness from buying
another dog, or fearing that he might
not meet with one that he could so well
depend on, adopted the singular meth-
od of performing the canine service
himself, by going his rounds every
evening, and barking as well and as
loud as he could, in imitation of his
more excusable beast.
Burns and the Drowning Merchant.
BURNS was standing one day upon
the quay at Greenock, when a most
wealthy merchant, belonging to the
town, had the misfortune to fall into
the harbor. He was no swimmer, and
his death would have been inevitable,
had not a sailor, who happened to
be passing at the time, immediately
plunged in, and, at the risk of his own
life, rescued him from his dangerous
situation.
The Greenock merchant, upon recov-
ering a little from his fright, put his
hand into his pocket, and generously
presented the sailor with a shilling !
The crowd, who were by this time col-
lected, loudly protested against the
contemptible insignificance of the sum ;
but Burns, with a smile of ineffable
scorn, entreated them to restrain their
clamor " for," said he, "the gentle-
man is of course the best judge of the
value of his own life."
TRADE AND BUSINESS IMMORALITIES.
273
One Cent with Girard.
A GENTLEMAN from Europe pur-
chased a bill of exchange on Girard, to
defray the expenses of a tour to this
country. It was duly honored on pre-
sentation ; but in the course of their
transactions, it so happened that one
cent remained to be refunded on the
part of the European ; and, on the eve
of his departure from this country, Gi-
rard dunned him for it. The gentle-
man apologized, and tendered him a
six-and-a-quarter-cent piece, requesting
the difference. Mr. Girard tendered
him in change Jive cents, which the
gentleman declined to accept, alleging
that he was entitled to an additional
quarter of a cent. In reply, Girard ad-
mitted the fact, but informed him that
it was not in his power to comply, as
the Government had neglected to pro-
vide the fractional coin in question,
and returned the gentleman the six-
cent piece, reminding him, however, in
unmistakable language, that he must
still consider him his debtor for the
balance unpaid the one cent.
Resolving- to Tbe Rich.
" I MEAN to be a rich man, cost what
it may. A man is nothing in the world
without wealth. With plenty of money
he is everything. I mean to get rich,
anyhow."
This was the soliloquy of a young
merchant, who, with a small capital,
had recently established himself in
business. He made a stern resolve to
be rich, and having great perseverance,
he went busily to work in the execu-
tion of his project.
Everything was made subordinate to
the realization of his golden vision.
Ease and pleasure were out of the ques-
tion. Domestic enjoyments were of no
account. The merchant's brow ached
with incessant care ; his heart chilled
and warmed with the rise and fall of
the markets ; the changes of commerce
18
shaped his dreams ; money was his su-
perlative idea. He had time for nothing
but business. In vain did his wife lan-
guish under the weight of her domestic
cares. He had no time to unbend him-
self at home, and contribute to the bliss
of his little world there. Neither could
he bestow attention to the wants of the
world, nor the miseries of his fellow
creatures around him. All calls were
vain, for our merchant had neither eyes
nor ears for aught but mammon.
After many years of toil and care
after enduring anxieties and labors
sufficient to wear out his over-taxed
energies he had reached the goal.
The merchant had grown rich so rich
that he could forsake the counting
room, and live with princely splendor
in a palace-like home !
This was the fulfilled vision of his
youth. He had sought gold, and his
massive coffers did, indeed, sweat be-
neath the weight of their glittering load ;
and when men passed him, they said,
" That is old , the millionnaire."
Was the prize worth what it cost ?
Thirty years of sacrifice had been de-
voted to its pursuit ! During that pe-
riod, true enjoyment had been a stran-
ger to his heart ; how could it be
otherwise ? For thirty years he had
not had time to be happy he had sur-
rendered all this for the expected advan-
tage of future wealth ! He had literally
sold these for gold ! He had his prize.
The merchant had not been many
months out of the counting room be-
fore his mind, missing the stimulus of
business, began to prey upon itself.
For intellectual and philanthropic pur-
suits it had no sort of relish ; they had
been avoided so long for want of time,
for the sake of the money god, that
they would not now afford any satis-
faction. Without occupation, the mer-
chant's life became a blank. His mind
sank into weakness, his memory failed,
his energies dried up ; first he sank into
the imbecility of second childhood, and
then into the stupidity of an idiot.
274
COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.
They carried him to the asylum of
departed intellect, and there, ever talk-
ing of notes and ships, his soulless eyes
gazing into vacancy, his fingers tracing
figures in the air, the at last " success-
ful " merchant ended his days with
maniacs and fools, and the treasures
which he had heaped up were gathered
and enjoyed by others. This is no fan-
cy sketch.
Hard Philosophy of an Annuity
Monger.
ATJDLEY, the old English banker,
usurer, and what not, was equally
ready to lend money to the gay gallants
of the town on annuities, as he was to
receive it from the thrifty poor who
took, on "the security of the great
Audley," the savings of their youth to
secure an annuity for their age. But
needy as the youngsters of that day
might be, the usurer was as willing as
they were needy. He lent them, how-
ever, with affected remonstrances on
their extravagance, and took the cash
they paid him with a well-feigned air
of paternal regret. His money bred.
He formed temporary partnerships with
the stewards of country gentlemen, and
having, by the aid of the former, gulled
the latter, finished by smartly cheating
the associates who had assisted him to
his prey.
The annuity monger was also a phi-
losopher. He never pressed for his debts
when he knew they were safe. When
one of his victims, mistakenly assuming
Audley to possess a conscience, asked
him where it was, he replied, "We
moneyed people must balance accounts.
If you don't pay me my annuity, you
cheat me ; if you do, I cheat you."
He said his deeds were his children,
which nourished best by sleeping.
His word was his bond, as many
could testify to their sorrow ; his hour
was punctual, striking terror to the un-
prepared ; his opinions were compressed
and sound. In his time he was called
" the great Audley," " old Audley," &c. ;
and though the fathers of the church
proclaimed the sin of usury to be the
original sin, he smiled at their asser-
tions, and went on his golden way re-
joicing. As his wealth increased, he
put himself in a position where his an-
nuity jobbing increased an office in
the Court of Wards the entire for-
tunes of the wards of Chancery being
under his control.
When he quarrelled with one who
disputed the payment of an annuity,
and who, to prove his resisting power,
showed and shook his money bags,
Audley sarcastically asked "whether
they had any bottom ? " The exulting
possessor answered in the affirmative.
" In that case," replied Audley, " I care
not, for in my office I have a constant
spring." Here, indeed, he pounced
upon encumbrances which lay upon es-
tates ; he prowled about to discover the
cravings of their owners, and this he
did to such purpose that, when asked
what was the value of his office, he re-
plied, " Some thousands of pounds to
any one who wishes to get to heaven
immediately ; twice as much to him
who does not mind being in purga-
tory ; and nobody knows what to him
who will adventure to go to hell."
Charity forbids a guess as to which of
these places Audley himself went.
Old-School Money Jobbers.
THE old English money brokers had
arts peculiar to their day. They had a
walk upon the Exchange devoted to
the funds of the East India and other
great corporations, and many of the
terms now in vogue among the initi-
ated arose from their dealings with
that description of stock. Jobbing in
the great chartered corporations was
thoroughly understood reports and
rumors were as plentiful and well-man-
aged as now. No sooner was it known
that one of the fine vessels of the East
India Company, laden with gold and
jewels from the East, was on its way,
TRADE AND BUSINESS IMMORALITIES.
275
than every method was had recourse to.
Men were employed to whisper of hur-
ricanes which had sunk the well-stored
ship ; of quicksands which had swal-
lowed her up ; of war, which had com-
menced when peace was unbroken ; or
of peace being concluded when things
were actually in the utmost danger.
Nor were the brains of the specula-
tors less capable than now. If at the
present day an English banker conde-
scends to raise a railway or other kind
of bubble fifty per cent., the broker or
money jobber of that day understood
his craft sufficiently to cause a varia-
tion in the price of East India stock of
two hundred and sixty-three per cent !
Everything which could inflate the
hopes of the schemer, was brought into
operation by the brokers. If shares
were dull, they jobbed in the funds, or
tried exchequer bills ; and if these
failed, rather than remain idle, they
dealt in bank notes at forty per cent,
discount.
Sober citizens were entangled as
well as the more adventurous. Their
first impulse was to laugh at the sto-
ries currently circulated of fortunes
lost and won ; but when they saw men
who were yesterday threadbare pass
them to-day in their carriages when
they saw wealth which it took their
plodding industry years of patient la-
bor to acquire, won by others in a few
weeks unable to resist the temptation,
the greatest merchants deserted their
regular vocations for these more glitter-
ing avenues to fortune.
These jobbers came from all classes
of society, and those who won were at
once on a par with the nobility. As an
illustration of these ups and clowns, it
is related that a worthy Quaker, a
watchmaker by trade, having success-
fully speculated in the shares and
funds, was of sufficient importance to
invite to the marriage feast of his
daughter such guests as the Duchess
of Marlborough and the Princess of
Wales, who, with three hundred others
of " the quality," graced the wedding
entertainment.
Making a Good Job of it.
A WORKMAN recently purchased, in
a small provincial town of Germany,
ten pounds of powdered sugar ; but on
examining it, he found that the grocer
had generously mixed with it at least a
pound of lime. On the succeeding day
he advertised as follows in the public
prints : " Should the grocer who sold
me a pound of lime along with nine
pounds of sugar, not bring to me the
pound he cheated me of, I shall forth-
with disclose his name in the papers."
The next day the customer received
nine pounds of sugar from several dif-
ferent grocers who had similar actions
on their conscience, and feared publici-
ty. The customer was so well satis-
fied, that at last accounts he was mak-
ing a vigorous examination of his re-
cent supplies of coffee, spices, etc., and
the prospect was that he would soon be
performing among the grocers what the
bull enacted in the crockery shop.
French Usurers and Pig-eons.
THE chronicles of the French money
and credit system partake of that
piquancy which might naturally be
looked for among such a lively race.
There are usurers, courtiers, pigeons,
&c., &c., almost without number. But
the usurer never sees the pigeon, or very
rarely. He is banker, count, minister
of state, director of theatres, lives in a
grand hotel of his own, gives dinners
to princes, dresses superbly d la mode,
and is far above the acquaintance of a
mere pigeon. This he leaves to the
courtier, a genteel and knowing per-
sonage, who deals in everything. He
tells the pigeon that if M. , not
being inclined to part with his ready
money, can only give wine or furniture
in exchange for the bill, he, the cour-
tier, will undertake the sale, and this
276
COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.
he does, upon occasion. But in the
majority of instances, wine, furniture,
and all the rest of the old story, is a
mere pretence.
The pigeon proposes a bill. The
agent, or faiseur, goes to the banker
and gets it done at fifty per cent, in
ready money. He returns to the pi-
geon, says that the bill is discounted,
but that the price is given in goods,
which he will not undertake to sell. In
two or three days he returns with the
story that the goods are not to be sold.
The pigeon is impatient. The faiseur
then offers to take the goods at his own
risk, at a discount. This the pigeon is
only too glad to do, and gets one half
of the money which was received by the
faiseur just one quarter of his bill.
The faiseur gets the other half, without
any risk whatever ; and in half an hour
is to be seen trotting down the Rue
Vivienne, eager for the excitement of
the new loan or the latest scheme.
Instances are known where the pigeon
has taken a horse for a note of a thou-
sand francs. The horse remains in the
stable of the courtier, who in a few
days sends in the bill for its keep
thirty francs. The pigeon orders the
horse to be sold at auction. It fetches
twenty-seven francs ! All the pigeon
gets by the transaction is the pleasure
of paying three francs ready money,
and the bill, when it becomes clue. In
another case, a young man is known to
have signed a note of twenty-eight
thousand francs ; he was credited in
return with sixty thousand blocks of
marble, eleven thousand mouse traps, six
thousand iron rods, and three thousand
francs in money. The marble remained
in the quarry ; no one would buy it in
situ, or advance the large sum necessary
to remove it. The mouse traps and the
rods sold for about one thousand francs,
and the pigeon was finally credited four
thousand francs, of which he received
about half, the courtier pocketing the
rest.
Imitating Signatures.
THE imitation of signatures with in-
conceivable accuracy was a quality
possessed by John Mathison, an Eng-
lish mechanic, and probably never sur-
passed by any one in any country or '
age. Tempted by the hope of sudden
wealth, he applied this faculty to the
forging of bank notes, which, being
discovered, a reward was offered, with
a description of his person, and he es-
caped to Scotland. There, scorning to
let his wonderful talent lie idle, he
counterfeited the notes of the Royal
Bank of Scotland, amused himself by
negotiating them during a pleasure
excursion through the country, and
reached London, supported by his imi-
tative talent. Here a fine sphere open-
ed for his genius, which was so active,
that in twelve days he had bought the
copper, engraved it, fabricated notes,
forged the watermark, printed, and
negotiated several. When he had a
sufficient number, he travelled from
one end of the kingdom to the other,
disposing of them. Having been in
the habit of procuring notes from the