numerous on the days the shop was
closed. Now no place was so handy
as Colonel Pierce's for the disappoint-
ed to inquire, " Do you know where
Bob Leonard is ? " The Colonel, getting
heartily tired of the annoyance, be-
thought him of a plan for ridding him-
22



self of the trouble of answering. He
had a sign painted, and hung up in the
most conspicuous part of the office,
with this inscription : " I want it dis-
tinctly understood that I don't know
where Bob Leonard is."



Broadway Signs.

NOT long since there could be seen a
very singular and purely accidental col-
lection of occupations in one building
on Broadway the signs across the front
standing out like some great Ogre's
eyes, nose, and mouth, ready to gobble
a person up. The first floor, occupied
by the " Broadway Restaurant? where
you could be taken in, fed, and pre-
pared; the second floor, occupied by
the " Office of the West Point Foundry?
where you could be killed by the latest
inventions ; the third floor occupied by
the " Office of Greenwood Cemetery?
where you could be buried in the most
approved style. Feed, Ml, and lury,
all in one building.

Pat's Definition of Railroad " Stock."

PAT DONAHUE was a " broth of a
boy," right from the "Gem of the
Say," and he had a small contract on
the Conway Railroad, New Hampshire,
in the year of grace 1855, in which he
agreed to take his pay part in cash,
part in bonds, and part in stock. The
stock of this road, be it remembered
like many others was not worth a
"Continental," and has always kept
up its value with remarkable uniformi-
ty. In due time Pat, having com-
pleted his job, presented himself at the
treasurer's office for settlement. The
money, the bonds, and the certificate
of stock were soon in his possession.

" And what is this now ? " said Pat,
flourishing his certificate of stock, bear-
ing the " broad seal " of the corpora-
tion.

" That is your stock, sir," blandly re-
plied the treasurer.



338



COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.



"And is this what I'm to git for
me labor ? Wasn't me contract for
sthock ? "

" Why, certainly ; that is your stock.
What did you expect ? "

" What did I expect ! " said Pat, ex-
citedly ; " what did I expect ! Why
pigs, and shape, and horses, shure ! "

Silk-Dyer's Poetical Sign.

POOR Goldsmith's familiar and touch-
ing lines :

" When lovely woman stoops to folly,"
fare sadly in the hands of a silk-dyer,
who puts on his sign and circular this
wicked parody :

" When lovely woman tilts her saucer,

And finds too late that tea will stain
Whatever made a woman crosser
What art can wash all white again ?

" The only art the stain to cover,

To hide the spot from every eye,
And wear an unsoiled dress above her,
Of proper color, is to dye ! "



Full-size Headings to Advertise-
ments.

As the editor of " old KNICK."
vouches for the strict ter-ruth of the
following little legend, it may be safely
assumed to be strictly ter-rue, especially
in view of the extrinsic probability
which is so obvious in the narration :

A few years since, the writer of the
following sketch was one of the editors
and proprietors of a daily and weekly
newspaper, published in one of the
large towns of Western New York.
Among the numerous patrons of the
paper was a man whom I shall describe
as Levi Lapp, a carpenter by trade, and
a very clever man in his way, but as the
sequel shows, entirely unacquainted
with the art which claims as its shining
lights the names of Guttemberg and
Faust.

Having considerable Yankee adapt-
edness to one thing or the other, in the



useful as well as ornamental line, Mr.
Lapp had recently purchased the right
to manufacture a patent pump, which
he was very desirous of introducing to
the public, through the columns of our
paper. In other words, he wanted to
advertise it, and in the course of con-
versation about the price and other de-
tails, mentioned to me that he would
like a cut of his new pump inserted as
a heading to the advertisement. I re-
plied, " Very well," and immediately
asked, " Have you the cut here ? " He
replied, " No, but I have got one at my
house, and will fetch it in."

In a day or two Mr. Lapp came into
the office with a hand-bill, which he
unfolded, and which contained a fac
simile of the pump he was manufac-
turing.

He said to me : " Now you can get
in my cut, and do so at once, for I wish
to see it in print in your paper."

" Where is your cut ? " I asked.

" On the bill," he replied, with all
the seriousness of a post captain.

I then told him that it would require
a block of wood cut by an engraver in
the shape and likeness of the pump ;
that this was called a cut or engraving,
and that it would have to be used in
the press, in connection with the types,
to make up such an advertisement as
he desired. I further told him who
could do the job, and the probable
expense some fifteen or twenty dol-
lars.

A bright idea appeared to influence
Mr. Lapp, and he informed me that he
thought he could do the job himself,
and save just so much outlay. I told
him if he could it would suit me
equally as well; but I thought he
would find it a trifle difficult.

We separated, and I saw no more
of Levi Lapp for several weeks. In
fact, I had forgotten all about the mat-
ter. One morning, bright and early,
as I was busy at the desk, in came Mr.
Lapp, in a great hurry and bluster.
He quickly explained himself, and



COMMERCIAL ART AND PHRASEOLOGY.



339



said lie had Ms cut finished, and had
brought it as a heading to his adver-
tisement.

I said : " Very well. Where is it ? "

He answered : " Down stairs."

Without giving the matter a mo-
ment's thought, I said to him, " Bring
it up ; " and he instantly left the room
for that purpose.

His back was hardly turned, how-
ever, before the thought struck me that
he had rather a huge engraving for a
paper of limited size like ours. And
calling to the foreman to see if I was
not correct in my opinion, I turned
again to the desk.

The foreman was back in an instant,
and I was soon aware that Levi Lapp's
bright idea had grown into giant pro-
portions, and that the engraving or cut
he had brought for our press was no
less than a veritable wood pump of full
size, even to the pump log, chain, crank
and water spout.

Lapp was proceeding to bring his
" extended cut " into our establishment,
but at that very moment was deterred
from executing his plan by the shouts
and laughter of the entire printing office
force, including the devil himself, who
stood at the windows making merry at
his expense.

The true condition of affairs slowly
dawned upon Mr. Lapp's vision ; and
when informed that he had made a
much larger "cut" than the present
condition of the art preservative would
justify, he hurriedly replaced his " en-
graving" on the wagon that brought
it to our door and drove off, evidently
making a greater " impression " in this
way than the pump could, by any pos-
sibility, have made in our limited es-
tablishment.



Bush's Celebrated Figure-Heads.

EDWARD CUTBUSH was considered
the best carver of his day. Among his
apprentices, at the close of the last
century, was William Rush, of Phila-
delphia. When Rush first saw, on a
foreign vessel, a walking figure most
unusual, in that day he instantly
conceived the design of more tasteful
and graceful figures than had been be-
fore executed. He at once surpassed
his master; and having thus opened
his mind to the contemplation and
study of such attitudes and figures as
he saw in nature, he was very soon
enabled to surpass all his former per-
formances. Then his figures began to
excite admiration in foreign ports. The
figure of the " Indian Trader " to the
ship " William Penn " (the Trader was
dressed in Indian habiliments), excited
great admiration in London. The car-
vers there would come in boats and
station themselves near the ship, so as
to sketch designs from it. They even
came to take casts of plaster-of-Paris
from the head. This was directly after
the Revolution, when she was com-
manded by Captain Josiah. When he
carved a river god as the figure for the
ship " Ganges," the Hindoos came off
in numerous boats to pay their admira-
tion, and perhaps reverence, to the va-
rious emblems in the trail of the image.
On one occasion, the house of Nicklin
& Griffiths actually had orders from
England to Rush (fifty years and more
ago), to carve two figures for two ships
building there. One was a female per-
sonation of Commerce. The duties
charged in that instance amounted to
more than the first cost of the images
themselves.



PART SEVENTH.



ANECDOTES AND THINGS MEMORABLE CONCERNING
TRANSIT AND COMMUNICATION.



PAET SEVENTH.

Anecdotes and Things Memorable concerning Business Transit and

Communication,

SHIPPING, STEAMBOATS, RAILWAYS, EXPRESSES, TELEGRAPHS, COACHES, OMNIBUSES, ETC.,
THEIR OWNERS, OFFICERS, PATRONS, AND ATTACHES.



The heaven-conducted prow

Of navigation bold, that fearless braves

The burning line, or dares the wintry pole. THOMSON.

Soon shall thy power, unconquered Steam ! afar
Drag the swift barge and drive the rapid car.



DARWIN (more than ninety years ago).



Now there is nothing gives a man such spirits
As going at full speed. DON JUAN.

3-ho,
' we go 1 ANON.



Purchase of Jacob Barker's Ship " Uni-
ted States" by the Emperor Nicholas.

AT one period of Ms business career,
Jacob Barker was extensively engaged
in the Russian trade, and gave the
name of " Russia " to the last ship he had
built. Among the vessels employed
by Mr. Barker in his Russian business,
was a very fine New- York built ship,
named the " United States."

This ship was lying at anchor at
Cronstadt, in 1829, when the young
emperor, Nicholas, passing by in his
barge, on his way to the inspection of
his fleet, being attracted by her fine
appearance, the boatswain's whistle was
sounded, and the men peaked their
oars, while the emperor took a full
view of the vessel ; it again sounded,
the boat went round the ship, and then
landed ; the captain was invited on
shore, when the emperor inquired of
him if his ship was for sale and if so,
what was the price. The reply was,
" She was for sale until yesterday, when



a charter was obtained, to take a car-
go of copper, &c., to Bordeaux price,
$50,000 ; she cannot now be sold with-
out the consent of the charterers." The
emperor responded : " I will send down
commissioners to inspect the vessel ;
if they report favorably, I will obtain
the consent of the charterers, and give
you the required $50,000 for the ship."
On the czar's return to the city, he
directed his minister of marine to con-
fer with the charterers ; he did so, and
stipulated to pay a specified amount for
their annulling the charter, provided
she, on inspection, should prove satis-
factory allowing three days for the
examination. She proved satisfactory.
But the minister of marine omitting to
give the notice within the three days,
the cargo was sent down, and the ship
commenced loading. The emperor
passed again the next day, and per-
ceived her to be a foot and a half
deeper in the water than when he
resolved to make the purchase. He



344



COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.



returned immediately to the city, and
sent for the minister of marine, from
whom he obtained an explanation. In
place of directing him to disregard the
delay in giving the answer, as a frivo-
lous objection, he directed him to in-
form the captain that he might proceed
to Bordeaux with his cargo ; and as it
would be too late to return that season
to Russia, he might go to the United
States and procure another cargo, come
back with it to Europe, and then return
to St. Petersburg, when he, the emper-
or, would take the ship at the same
price. She did return, was received,
and promptly paid for, the royal pur-
chaser personally superintending the
consummation of his bargain.

Such high-minded conduct, such
business-like attention to mercantile
usage, on the part of a crowned head,
is seldom met with, though in this in-
stance quite consistent with the auto-
crat's well-known respect for American
merchants.



"Considering" a Ship Builder.

JOHN MOKGAN was a merchant and
ship owner, formerly residing in Penn-
sylvania. He made a contract with a
builder to build him a vessel. When
the vessel was partly finished, and he
had received payment for all he had
done, he went to Mr. M., and told him
that he had ascertained that he could
not build the vessel for the price agreed,
as he should lose all he was worth, and
perhaps more, and had therefore con-
cluded he must abandon the job where
it was, and let him get some one else
to finish it. This was a poser to Mor-
gan, who, after thinking of it for a
few moments, said to him, " "Well, well,
you go on with it, and when we settle,
I'll consider you ; " which, to the
builder, was satisfactory. He there-
fore went on until the job was finished,
Morgan advancing money from time to
time. "When they came to settle, Mor-
gan drew his check for the balance due



according to contract. The builder
stood and hesitated for a while, and
then said, "You know, Mr. Morgan,
you said that if I would go on with
the job, you would consider me."
"Well, well," gruffly replied the old
man, " I have considered yer, and con-
sidered yer a great fool for doiri 1 on't so
cheap."

Imaginative Expressmen an
Artificial Corpse.

IT is quite usual, now-a-days, to send
corpses by express. But the business
is very unpopular with expressmen,
especially if the body has far to
travel.

One morning, a messenger, having
among his freight, in the express com-
pany's car, one of those ominously
oblong boxes, declared confidentially
to the conductor of the train, that the
body inside " must be very far gone in-
deed the smell of it fairly upset him."
In vain he tried to forget it, or salubri-
fy the odor by smoking a magnificent
cigar. The smell became more offen-
sive to him every minute during the
long night that he was whizzing away
with it over the rail track ; and before
the train arrived in New York, it af-
fected him so much that he could not
stay in the car.

When the drivers, with the wagons
of the New York office, went to the de-
pot for the express freight, the illness
of the unfortunate messenger was ob-
vious, and in answer to inquiries, he
explained the cause. All eyes at once
fell on the oblong box, and every man
held his nose. It was decided unani-
mously that it was too far gone to be
taken to the office, and as the railroad
men swore (through their suppressed
olfactories) that they would not suffer
it to remain in the depot, the strongest-
nerved and most accommodating driver
present took it to the " dead house,"
up town.

No one knew where the obnoxious
box came from. It was usual to make



BUSINESS TRANSIT AND COMMUNICATION.



345



a special bargain in such cases, but no
allusion was made to it on the way
bill. In the course of the day, how-
ever, the mystery was solved. A gen-
tleman came into the express office in
Broadway, and called for the box.

"It has been taken to the dead
4iouse," was the reply of the clerk.

" The dead house ! " exclaimed the
applicant.

" Yes, sir," rejoined the clerk, firmly ;
" we couldn't stand it, sir. Too far
gone, sir."

" Too far gone ! " was the quick re-
tort ; " I should think so, if you have
sent it way up to th street. Explain
yourself ! "What do you mean ? "

" I mean that the body smelt too bad,
sir ! " responded the clerk.

" Smelt bad ! " cried the visitor ; " I
have handled it for ten years past, and
I never yet smelt anything but the var-
nish, and that not at all unpleasantly.
Hang it, sir, that box contains my man-
nikin, an artificial anatomy or model

of the human body. I am Dr. W ,

the lecturer on physiology."

Bisks and Accidents Insured Against.

IT would appear that the notion,
broached so long ago, of a railway in-
surance office, has been carried into ex-
ecution. A company has been actu-
ally started at Paris, to insure persons
against railway risks and accidents.
The directors promise to give so much
for the loss of an arm, a leg and even
the value of a bum is calculated to a
nicety. They offer annuities, also, to
surviving relations, and undertake, free
of expense, to bury any one who has
been killed. Similar companies, it is
thought, would be desirable in other
parts say in our own Western States.
The only apprehension is, that so many
railways in that section would have to be
rated " Doubly Hazardous ; " and that
a person travelling by them, would be
charged at the same rate as a medical
insurance office would charge a person



who is on the point of sailing for Sierra
Leone.



Floating Railways.

SOME ingenious gentleman of a prac-
tical turn of mind, who seems to think
that capital does not get sunk rapidly
enough in railways of the usual con-
struction, has, as the result of much
speculation, proposed a floating line,
which will, of course, if carried out, be
exposed to more than the ordinary fluc-
tuations to which those things are lia-
ble. The scheme may work well
enough when matters go on smoothly,
but when Neptune has a bill or a bil-
low to take up, and Boreas may be
raising the wind to help him out, it is
to be feared the traffic on the floating
line would be entirely swamped, to say
nothing of the difficulty the engineers
might experience in taking their loads.
However, the committee who have the
subject under consideration, may be
able to show that it will be practicable
to outride these difficulties which
merely suggest themselves at first
thought.



Superseding: Steam.

A LETTER in Galignani's Messenger
having fully proved the facility with
which tables can be moved by means
of a " company " through mere volition,
after the hands of the company have
been placed for a short time on the ta-
ble, it is proposed that a company shall
be formed for the application of tabu-
lar locomotion to practical purposes
transportation of merchandise and the
conveyance of passengers ; to be called
the Locomotive Table Company. The
principal object of the association will
be to supersede steam engines on rail-
ways ; an improvement in travelling by
which it is hoped many serious acci-
dents will be prevented which would
otherwise have occurred. The table
will be placed where the engine is at



346



COMMERCIAL AND BUSINESS ANECDOTES.



present, in front of the train. It will
go on grooved castors, and a certain
number of the directors of the company
will be seated at a board in connection
with it, which will insure that addi-
tional guarantee of safety so much
wanted on railroads. The expenses in-
volved in carrying out the company's
object will not, it is expected, be very
considerable ; but shareholders will be
required to pay down the whole of
their subscriptions, as the projectors
anticipate some little difficulty in ob-
taining credit.

Universal Salvage Company.

AMONG the various enterprises to
which the ingenuity of the day has
turned itself, is that of a company
which advertises to raise sunken or
wrecked vessels, all over the world,
and divide the profits. It is not impos-
sible that this very promising associa-
tion may in time be followed by the In-
corporated Mudlarks, or Joint-Stock
Dredging Company which, indeed,
the first-named concern seems in fact
to be, only on a somewhat extended
principle. Directors are already ap-
pointed, and " a manager afloat " is ad-
vertised. It is to be hoped that " share-
holders aground " will not be the end
of this very useful nautical enterprise.

Dismissing- a Shipmaster.

ONE of the most faithful shipmasters
in the employ of Stephen Girard was
Captain Guligar. He had been seventeen
years in his service, from an apprentice
until he rose to the command of one of
his favorite and finest ships. Having
thus by diligence and industry been
promoted to the berth of first officer,
he sailed in that capacity to Batavia,
in the Voltaire or Rousseau. At Bata-
via the captain died ; and Guligar, as
first officer, took the command of the
ship, sailing for Holland with a very
rich cargo, and arriving at an excellent



market. From Holland he brought the
ship safe into the port of Philadelphia,
making altogether an immensely profit-
able voyage for his owner.

Girard having concluded to repeat
the voyage to Batavia, Captain Guligar,
being either averse to the climate, or
from some other cause, observed to Mr.
Girard, " that if he had no objection,
he would prefer taking the command
of such a ship," naming her, which
Girard was then loading for a port in
Europe. Girard, without uttering a
syllable in reply, called to his clerk,
and directed him to make out the ac-
counts of Captain Guligar immediately.
He discharged him on the same day
from his employ, saying : " I do not
make the voyage for my captains, but
for myself," a declaration which no one
acquainted with him could possibly
venture to dispute.

Commercial Importance of the Cat.

THE peculiar relations which grimal-
kin sustains to commerce is not gener-
ally known. It is stated in a London
journal that marine insurance in some
parts of Europe does not cover damage
done to cargo by the depredations of
rats ; but if the owner of the cargo thus
damaged can prove that the ship was
not furnished with a cat, he can recover
compensation from the owner of the
ship. Again, a ship that is found
under certain circumstances, without a
living creature on board, is considered a
derelict, and, according to certain con-
ditions, a forfeiture to the sovereign,
lords of the admiralty, and other in-
terested parties. And it has not unfre-
quently occurred, after all the crew
have been lost, or the ship otherwise
abandoned, that a live canary bird,
domestic fowl, but most frequently a
cat, being found on board, has saved
the vessel from being condemned as a
derelict. Consequently, the ship own-
ers, considering the cat's proverbial
tenacity of life, as well as its presence



BUSINESS TRANSIT AND COMMUNICATION.



347



being a bar to claims of damage by
rats, always take care not to send a
ship to sea without having a cat on
board.

Beading the Annual Report.

A CERTAIN little railway, the route
and character of which will presently
appear, has been following the example
of larger companies, by holding a gen-
eral meeting, presenting a report, and
performing, on its own snug little scale,
all the operations of a line of first-rate
magnitude. A few extracts from the
report, as read to the meeting, are here
given in advance of its publication :

" Your Directors had hoped to render
this a favorite trunk line for the con-
veyance of baggage belonging to the
boys and girls going home for the holi-
days from the various boarding schools
in the neighborhood; but as there is
not as yet any scholastic establishment
at Wormwood Scrubs, nor any proba-
bility of a large juvenile population in
the Canal Basin, which form the two
termini and the only stations on the
permanent way, there has been as yet
no chance of pushing the resources of
the line as a trunk, or even a carpet-
bag line, into full development.

" It is with regret that your Directors
have to state that the 'branch' con-
cerns, commenced last year, have not
yet borne any fruit, though the aspa-
ragus cuttings yielded a small revenue
applicable to the Holfast Fund in-
tended as superannuation money for the
one fireman and some of the cuttings
remaining uncut from last year, have in
due course run to seed, with a view to
forming the seeds of future prosperity.
"A negotiation was undertaken by
your Directors with the Great Western,
for the sale of the whole of their plant
(fixture and tools) ; but as the most
valuable portion was a lot of cabbage
plants, the negotiation fell to the
ground just as the cabbages were shoot-
ing out of it.



a The canal has been looked at with
great caution by your Directors, and they
have in fact gone very deeply into it.
They have also, after due deliberation,
abandoned that part of the line known
as the Shepherd's Bush Clothes Line,
though the laundresses have been hang-
ing out for better terms; but your
Directors prefer the chance of the dry-
goods to the prospect of having a damp
thrown on any of their lines by a class
of people who refused to stir a peg or
even a clothes peg to meet the views
of the proprietors.

" Your Directors are still undecided
what to do with the first-class car ori-