in-Chieil
"Big Job in Prospect
A brisk and spirited dialogue was that
which took place between an East Teuues-
seean loyalist and a IVIississippi 'Butter-
nut' who had been taken prisoner and
brought into Federal custody.
**What do you expect to do with us
Southerners ? '* asked the Mississippiau.
" Why, we mean to whip you, Sir ; we
mean to whip you badly," replied the loy-
alist.
** But if you are so sure you can wJiip
us, why is it that you have to call iu the
niggers to help you out of the scrape ? **
** Why, our white men are too valuable
to risk in battles against rebels. We
want to save *em. Sir! But niggers are
plenty good enough to shoot traitors with*
We mean to save our white folks, and
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151
whip you, like the very devil, with your
own niggers. And the niggers will do the
iob up brown. Before the war is over,
they will knock the handsights off you,
and we intend to stand by and see the job
well done!"
♦
0«Rteon at the Oimve of Oalhofm.
One of the most impressive scenes — ^be-
cause so eminently historical — growing
out of the war of the rebellion, was that
of William Lloyd Garrison, the life-long
Abolition Agitator, upon whose head a
price m southern gold had for more than a
quarter of a century rested, standing at
the grave of the great Apostle of Slavery
and Secession, John C. Calhoun. It was
on the very morning, too, April fifteenth,
1865, when Abraham Lincoln died. The
cemetery where the mighty senator's re-
mains repose is a small one, opposite St.
Philip's church, in the heart of the city
of Charleston ; and the monument of the
great advocate of slavery and nullification
is built of brick and covered with a large,
plain slab of marble, inscribed with the
simple name — Calhoun. He who sleeps
beneath was the very soul of the "pecul-
iar institution," when Garrison began his
intense warfare against it. The latter
had now lived to see the power of his
great antagonist pass away, and just as the
illustrious Emancipator, who gave to the
system its final blow, was breathing his
last, Garrison laid his hand upon the
monument before him, and said, impres-
sively, " Down into a deeper grave than
this, slavery has gone, and for it there is
no resurrection.'* It was a scene, take it
for all in all, that a painter might well
attempt to reproduce upon canvass.
War DlspatchM in Ohoroh.
Having been requested by President
Lincoln to proceed to Fort Sumter, and
deliver an oration on the fourteenth of
April, 1865, at the unfurling of the na-
tional flag once more over .that renowned
spot, Bev. Henry Ward Beecher gave
10
notice of the fact from his pulpit, on
the Sabbath previous, in the following
words:
'^ I am called to accompany the mem-
bers of the Government and the oflicers
of the army, as they go to lift again, over
the ruins of Fort Sumter, our national
ensign. At other times, when the pros-
pect of any such mission seemed to me
almost visionary — ^remote, certainly — I
spoke of it with some jubilation ; but as
the thing itself draws near, it comes with
solemn shadows to me. And the sense
of the magnitude of the work that seem-
ingly, then, like a girdle, will have clasped
itself upon this nation, and buckled itself
in peace, so impresses me, that the great-
ness of the mission seems such that,
though I am unaccustomed to tremor, my
soul trembles within me. There will be
many that will go to participate in that
solemn and wonderful event in the history
of this people ; and I should be sorry if
there was one that went with any other
feeling than that of the most profound
Christian patriotism. And if any man
goes, supposing that he accompanies me
upoh an errand of triumph and exaltation
over a fallen foe, he does not know the
first letter of my feelings. For I go as a
brother, to say to brethren misled, * I ap-
peal to you from yourselves, and fix)m the
day of your information to the better day
of your knowledge.* I go, not to triumph
over the South, but to say to them, * Breth-
ren, after four long years of blood and
darkness, we bring back to you the same
hearts of love that you smote at in the
beginning of this conflict, and are your
brethren still, if ye wilL' If there be
any minded in that spirit, let them go ;
and those that may not go, let them tarry
at home, praying the blessing of God to
rest, not upon the North, but upon this
whole undivided land.**
When he had closed the sermon of the
morning — the subject of which was, the
Body-man and the Soul-man, or, the Old
Man and the New Man, — and sat down,
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THE BOOK OF ANECDOTES OF THE BEBELLION.
and when the singing was about to com-
mence, Mr. Beecher rose and said —
. " Stop ! Turn .to * America.' We will
sing that; and I will read a telegraphic
dispatch that 1 have just received, while
you are finding the place ! "
The reading of the di:?patch — ^which
was from the Secretary of War to Mr.
Beecher, and which announced the trium-
phant success of the National forces under
General Grant— was greeted with pro-
longed and enthu-
siastic applause. —
When the excite-
ment, which was \
very intense, had
subsided, and quiet
was restoi'ed, Mr.
Beecher said : — \
« The Old Man is
being • conquered,
and the New Man
of Liberty is going /
to rule after this.*' â–
America was then i
sung with a depth
of feeling such as
the occasion may
be supposed to have
inspired, after which the congregation was
dismissed, by the pastor, with these words :
" In the name of Almighty God, of
Justice, and of Humanity, now, men, go,
and be worthy of your country ! "
« Es this the Pro vo's offis ? "
He was dressed in brown homespun,
and had an old white wool hat on his
head, tied on with a handkerchief, and he
leaned on a brown stick.
*• Es this the Provo's offis ? I want a
Some one here attempted to explain to
the old gentleman that he was in the
wrong shop ; but the old fellow, who was
n little deaf, it seems, mistook this as a
Aocommodatlnff fTtwiaoi^ to Clroumstanoes.
Immediately after the battle of Prairie
Grove, some rebel officers of rank were
sent up to Cane Hill, Arkansas, to nego-
tiate for exchange of prisoners. It was
during their visit that the amusing scene
narrated below occurred :
In a small building close on the only
street of that crooked village, three Con-
federate officers, in their best gray uniform,
were sitting on one side of a table, and
three Federal officers, in blue, on the other.
An old gray-headed and gray-bearded man
came to the door, and incontinently walked
in, with the query —
AccoDunodatiDg Himself to Clreomstaiices.
hesitation to give him what he wanted.
" I'm a good Tyal citizen. I've got my
l^rtection papers. I've ben to get paid
for my forage. It's all right,"
There was a slight inclination to laugh
by several present; but the old gentleman
continued to make the most earnest pro-
testations as to his ** I'yalty."
"Look here, my friend," said Colonel
W , with a smile, "you had better take
care what you say about loyalty. Look
at these gentlemen" — ^pointing over the
table — ^" don't you see they are Southern
officers?"
The old man's hand trembled as he
now adjusted a dilapidated pair of spec-
tacles to his eyes, and closely exam-
ined the gray uniforms with the velvet
collars and brass stars. His hands trem-
bled more violently. For the time being
he seemed to forget the place and surroundr
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iDgs ID his fear and bewilderment. At
last, in great distress, he turned to the
gentlemen, and began to stammer out his
explanations:
" Well, gentlemen, I didn't think. I—
I didn't mean any thing. Tve allers ben
H Southern man. I've jest got one son,
and he's with Marmaduke. The only
other man grown that's fit for sarvice is
mj darter^s husband and he's with Rec-
tor, and — and — '*
•*Hold on, old feUow!" cried Colonel
W J " what about your being a loyal
citizen?"
** Will you inform me," asked Colonel
P J who sat next to Colonel W -,
** who paid you for your forage ?"
The old man turned to look at t'other
side of the table. Again he adjusted his
q)ectacle8, and looked at the blue coats,
and in an agony of distress he took off
hift spectacles and his handkerchief and
hat, and while he leaned on both hands on
the table, the tears ran down the wrinkles
of liis old face.
*'Wcll, well, gentlemen," he at last
found words to say, " you go on an' fight
it out among yourselves. I can live in
any government."
»
Importaat Witnan <m the Stand.
In a council held in the city of Charles-
ton, just preceding the attack on Fort
Sumter, two commissioners were appomted
to go to Washington ; one on the part of
the army from Fort Sumter, and one on
the part of the Confederates. The Lieu-
tenant who was designated to go for the
Loyalists said it seemed to him that it
would be of little use for him to go, as his
opinion was immovably fixed in favor of
maintaining the government in whose ser-
vice he was employed. Then Governor
Pickens took him aside, detaining, for an
hour and a halfi the railroad train that was
to convey them on their errand. He
opened to him the whole plan and secret
of the Southern conspiracy, and said to
biniy distinctly and repeatedly — ^for it was
needful, he said, to lay aside disguises,—
that the South had never been wronged,
and that all their pretences of grievance
in the matter of tarifis, or anything else,
were invalid.
"But," said Governor Pickens, **we
must carry the people with us; and we
allege these things, as all statesmen do
many things that they do not believe, be-
cause they are the only instruments by
which the people can be managed."
Grovemor Pickens then and there de-
clared that the two sections of countiy
were so antagonistic in ideas and policies
that they could not live together,^ — that it
was foreordained that northern and south-
em men must keep apart on account of
differences in ideas and policies, and that
all the pretences of the South about wrongs
suffered were but pretences, as they very
well knew.
Brief but Bventftd Hiatory.
The history of a Federal soldier, damed
Robert Lane, who entered the service as
a private in Loomis's battery, has some
features which characterize it as one of
extraordinary qualities. Briefly summed
up. Lane's chronicles, military and other-
wise, may be given as follows: After
being a member of the above-named com-
pany nearly a year, he was discharged for
physical disability. He then returned to
the city of Detroit, where, however, his
stay was lunited, and the next heard of
him he was in Nashville, (X)nnected with
some sutler. Shortly after this he was
acting as chief down in a circus — swal-
lowed the sword, and performed other
gastronomic feats of more or less wonder-
ful nature. After this, according to re-
port, he entered a Kentucky regiment of
cavalry, but soon closed his connection
with this troop, whether by discharge or
desertion is not known. When next heard
from he was a sergeant in an Indiana regi-
ment of Infantry, from which he deserted
to enlist in another, in which greater boun-
ties were paid. Another regiment, offer-
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THE BOOK OF ANECDOTES OF THE EESELLION«
ing a still higher bonus, induced him to
risk the chances again. He did so, and
the next heard of him he was a prisoner
in the Indiana penitentiary, awaiting court
martial for his numerous enlistments.
The trial resulted in conviction, and he
was sentenced to be shot The extreme
penalty, however, was commuted by the
President to one year's hard labor with
chain and ball.
Bather Doubtftil AllesluuM.
The capture of the Confederate General
Jeff Thompson revived many anecdotes
of his eccentricities of speech and man-
ner. The General is a great talker, and
is bound to tell a good thing, no matter
whom it hits. On his arrival at Pilot
Knob, Missouri, as a prisoner, he had a
long conversation with General Fi^k, the
commander at that poet. Jeff swore on
his honor that the Confederacy was a sure
thing, bound to succeed, and all that He
continued : " But confound these fellows
in south-east Missouri ! When I was
cavorting around Bird's Point two years
ago they were all friendly enough ; but as
I came through the country here as a pris-
oner, and told a few of them that I sup-
posed they were right yet, hang me if they
didn't have to stop and think which oath
of allegiance they took IcutI**
No Heart in the Gauee.
A young man, about twenty years of
age, of marked intelligence and pleasing
address, made his appearance one day in
Louisville, as a refugee from the South,
and from the rebel army, into whose ser-
vice he had been drawn. He described
himself as of wealthy parentage, and, be-
fore the war, was the idolized heir of a
large plantation in the vicinity of Charles-
ton, Sonth Carolina. He served nearly
two years in the rebel army, but, having
no heart in the cause, he concluded to
break off, leave his native sunny dime?
and find a liome beneath the colder skies
of the North. With this determination,
and having but a scanty wardrobe in his
possession, he bade adieu to Charleston,
and set out on foot on his weary journey
North. He dared not travel on the pubhc
thoroughfares, for he knew the relentless
conscripting officers would not let him
pass. He therefore pursued his lonely
journey along unfrequented paths, often
making hb bed on the groimd, with only
the starry canopy for a covering. • Weary
steps lengthened into weary miles, and he
finally arrived in Louisville, Kentucky,
having traveled the whole of the distance,
excepting about forty miles, on foot from
Charleston.
Wash liitohtiter, one of Korgan's Ctanverts.
Wash Litchtiter, of Indiana, was con-
verted from secesh into a warm Union
man. Wash had been fiogged once or
twice for cheering for Jeff Davis, but he
stuck to his principles. One day Morgan
and his band of thieves came along, and
Wash gave them a cordial welcome. He
brought out all the liquor he had and
treated them well; told them how he
loved the South, and hop^ that the Yan-
kees would be whipped out. The banditti
then asked him for money. He begged
off, but Morgan said, " Come, old Butter-
nut, shell out ; we want all the spondulics
you've got!*'
Wash had to put his nose to the grind-
stone this time, and fork over; he was
however so slow about it that they pitched
in and gave him a thrashing, and then
carried off everything he had. Wash
went in for a ' vigorous prosecutbn of the
war' ever after, and was mighty glad
when Morgan went to the State prison,
where all such fellows belong.
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PART SECOND.
ANECDOTES OF THE KEBELLION— VOLUNTEERING, DRAFTING,
COMMUTING, SUBSTITUTING, DESERTING, ETC.
NoBLB Instances of Rallying to the Ranks, and of Enlisthent amono the Aged and
TouNo; Hearings, Ludicbous and Perplexing, before the Commissioners; Raw
Recruits and Eccentric Characters ; Applicants for Exemption ; Ruses and Quib-
bles TO Escape Duty — Strange Phenomena of Nativity, Age, and Infirmities ; Be-
wildered Surgeons; Luckless Conscripts; Rare Brokerage and Bounty Dealings;
Flush Purses, Hardships and Miseries; Side-shaking Gaieties, Jests, Puns, &c., &c.
" Sound, bugle, soond ! and rally round
The Star-flag />r the Free ! "
**Loek the shop and lock the store,
Chalk this down up<m the door—
* We^ve enlisttdjor the \om / '
Put it through!"
When the order eame ihr me to Join my company, sir. I was plowing In the same field in Coneord where my grand-
flkttwr was plowing when the British fixed on the Hassacnusetts men at Lexington. He did not wait a minute ; and I
did not, air.— OmcointfC Mom.) V<*nmtur.
I eant do anything fbr kkm^ hut I-ll tell you what Til do for you : In case he^s drafted and gets killed,— I'll marry
you mysell !— Oot. Tod, oJ Ofuoy to an agedioomam, stUieiting her h»t$bandrs exemption.
He is my an, but I firedy give him to my country.— Cbnsenl of a Maine mother for her *only boy,* a minor, to enliet.
How does he Grow 'Bm F
old cokred female
one day approached
Howard's column of
I Sherman's Georgia
' army, and entering
into conversation, ex-
pressed great sur-
prise as to where
they all came from.
A wag informed her
that old Lincoln had a very productive
field away up North, where he nosed them
9l the rate of a million per year. Turn-
ing up her white eyes in blank astoniah-
ment, she exclaimed: —
*• For de Lord's sake, you don't say so!
How does he grow 'em ?"
*• (Ml,'' was the reply, " <Aa< is very sim-
ple. He gathers up all the dead rebels
from the battle fields, plants them down
in Massachusetts — after a while they be-
gin to sprout, and the moment they see a
chicken they make for it, when Lincoln's
provost guard catches them and grafts
them into the army."
" Bless ye, say so I And are you 'uns
dead rebels?" replied the bewildered
creature, completely transfixed to the spot
where she stood.
" No, we used to be, but we're now live
Yankees. Fm Bishop Polk, who preached
down here in Dixie."
" De debil you aire ! " exclaimed the now
excited wench — " and what are you doin'
here ? Come aft^r Misses Bishop and de
chilen?"
"No the children!" was the
profane reply ; " we've come to assist in
whaling out of Jeff Davis."
" Youll hab to cotch him ftist," was the
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THE BOOK OF ANECDOTES OF THE REBELLION.
qui<^ response; ^goMs ifs done gone
job.-
" Well, well see," said the soldier ; "it's
a race between us and the devil, and mav
be Old Nick wiU win the heat."
" How does he grow 'cm?*
* Should'nt wonder. Dis nigger don't
care neder,'* remarked the dusky matron,
as she right-wheeled and double-quicked
it back to the house.
Old Ken Toxxiiziflr Out whan Kngland
FltohMln.
The attention of travelers on one of the
Western railroads was considerably at-
tracted, one day, by the appearance of a
rather oldish man among a company of
recruits for the Seventeenth (Irish) Wis-
consin regiment, who were on board the
cars, on the way to camp ; he gave his
name, as follows : —
" My name is Rufiis Brockway, and I
am in the seventieth year of my age. I
am a » Yankee from the State of New
Hampshire ; was a volunteer in the last
war with England for nearly three years.
I have seTved under Geoft. Ixaidi McNeil,
and Macomb, being traijsferred from one
command to another, as the circumstances
then required. I was at the battle of
Plattsburg, at the battle of French Creek
in Canada, and at the battle of Chateau-
gay, on the fourteenth day of October,
1813, and was present at the surrender
of McDonough.
I am now a farmer, in the town of Bea-
ver Dam, Dodge county, and, with my
son, the owner of three hundred acres of
land ; my son was a volunteer in the Fed-
eral army at the battle of Bull Run, had
his nose badly barked and his hips broken
in and disabled for life, by a diarge of the
rebel cavalry, and now I am going to see
if the rebels can bark the old man*s nose.
I tell you (said the old roan,) if Eng-
land pitches in, you'll see a great many
old men like me turning out, but the great-
est of my fears is, that I shall not be per-
mitted to take an active part in the present
war."
It was the opinion entertained by all
those who listened to the old mau*s re-
marks, that, if he ever should be "per-
mitted" to be in an engagement with the
enemy, he would "take an active part,"
and not be found to have received any
wound in the back, — ^but on the " nose *^
side, ratlier.
Two Desertlona— A Bonble Trmcedy.
A striking and most sad illustration of
the effect^ of civil war in the domestic and
affectional sphere is that which the follow-
ing event discloses. A lady had resided
with an only daughter for many years in
Alexandria. In the course of tiiSe, a
mutual friend introduced a young gentle-
man of his acquaintance, belonging to
Richmond, to the family. The young peo-
ple soon became quite ultimate in their
social relations, and,'very naturally, fell in
love. The parents on both sides consent-
ing, the parties were betrothed, and the
marriage day fixed for the fourth of July.
In the meantime, however, the Virginians
were called upon to decide on which side
they would range themselves in the great
political and military conflict then spread-
ing its dark wings over the land. The
ladies declared themselves heartily on the
side of the Grovemment, but the gentle-
man joined the forces of hb State. Such
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VOLUNTEERING, DRAFTING, DESERTING, ETC.
159
was the rapid and widening progress of
events, that no opportunity was afforded
for any interchange of sentiments between
the young folks, Or anything settled as to
their future movements. Matters thus re-
mained till the fourth of July, when, ex-
actly within an hour of the time originally
fixed for the marriage, intelligence was
reoeived at the residence of the ladies that
the young man had been shot by a sentry
two days before, while attempting to desert
and join his bride. His betrothed did not
shed a tear at this sudden and overwhelm-
ing information ; but, standing erect, sjniled,
and then remarking to her mother, "I am
going to desert, too," fell to the floor, while
the blood bubbled from her lips, and she
was soon in the embrace of death.
jenkiiis's Kode of Paroling Desarten.
Notwithstanding the sympathy excited
in behalf of the people of Hagerstown, at
the time of the rebel raid upon them, some
of the inhabitants were observed to receive
the rebels with joy, spreading before them
the best to be obtained for the morning
meaL
On Tuesday, about noon, a lieutenant
and ^ve men, wearing the uniform of Un-
ion soldiers, crept out of some of the
houses of the town where they had been
concealed, and delivered themselves up.
When they made their appearance before
General Jenkins, the following conversa-
tion occurred : —
Jenkim. — HaUoa! who are you, and
where did you come from ?
Ideutenant, — ^We belong to the Union
army, or did belong to it, but wo don't
wish to fight any longer against our South-
ern brethren ; so when our forces left here,
we staid behind, and to-day we came out
to be paroled.
Jenkint. — What did you say about
"Southern brethren?" By ! if I
tboi^t I had a twenty-fifth couiin who
vfBS as white-livered as you are, I would
kill him and set him up in my barnyard to
make al^^ep own their births. Ill show
you how I parole such pukes as you are.
You are too miserable to be paroled in
military style.
So saying, he ordered a detail of six
men and a sergeant — " good lusty fellows,
with thick boots" — who paroled the re-
creant federals to the west border of the
town, where the paroling process ceased,
and the detail and crowd came back highly
pleased with Jenkins's mode of paroling
cowards of that genus. Jenkins's military
stomach was just then in poor condition for
rabbit flesh.
Marian and her Brave Boy in Blue.
An affair which took place in connec-
tion with the First regiment of Michigan
engineers and mechanics, goe5 far to illus-
trate the old and never-questioned proverb
that "when a woman wiU, she will, depend
on't," &c
' In the fall of 1861, a young man con-
ceived the idea of joining the above-named
regiment. He had previously formed the
acquaintance of a young girl living in the
same village, whose proper name was Ma-
rian Green — and, in fact^ became enamored
of her. They were engaged to be mar-
ried, and she protested against his going
into the army. He, however, had made
up his mind to go, and go he did. She
threatened to follow, but was finally pre-
vailed upon to remain at home, which,
however, she only consented to do after a
solemn promise that her " brave boy in
blue " would ever cherich and regard her
as his affianced. The following Decem-
ber, Marian Green bade good-bye to her
lover at Ypsilanti, having gone there to
see him "off for the wars."
Letters passed regularly, for months,