hortations about politics, thought she had
discovered a sure means of aiding the
cause, and became so engrossed with it
that, — woman-like — she persuaded her
husband to take her to Washington that
she might be the first to whisper it in the
ear of the President, and so become tlie
honored instrument of the nation's salva-
The patriotic couple called at the
White House, and were told that the
President was engaged on important busi-
ness and could not be seen. But the lady
thought her mission of too much import-
ance to be postponed for a single day, and
sent word back to the President that her
business was of the greatest consequence.
Unwilling to send away a lady, and sup-
posing that she had come to ask a per-
sonal favor, perhaps in reference to some
relative in the army, the President left liis
conference on State matters, and went
down to listen to his Jady visitor. He sat
patiently while she opened her plan of mil-
itary and moral strategy for the suppress-
ion of the rebellion, and then rising to his
full bight, which was some, said, with ab-
ruptness and impatience —
" Madam, all this has been thought of a
hundred times before ! "
Saying which, he hastened out of the
room, forgetting his usual courtesy to the
THE BOOK OP ANECDOTES OP THE REBELLION.
Political Benderinff of Hamlat.
Hon. John Cochrane is * some ' at sen-
sation making, He got off something in
this line, in one of his speeches during the
war, which — at one point at least — seemed
to * bring down the house,' friends and op-
ponents alike included. With character-
istic vivaciousness of manner and expres-
sion, jMt. C. said:
Upon yonder lines, at Windsor Pass,
Yallandigham and his friend Horatio— I
see the friend of Horatio grasping his
cloak about him to screen him from the
northern blast ; and I also behold Marcel-
lus Wood. It is the peace platform on
the Canadian line. They tread the stage
and remind me of that scene conceived in
the mind of nature's poet, composed un-
doubtedly with reference to events now
transpiring. It was the melancholy Ham-
let — Vallandigham — ^his friend Horatio,
and the officer Marcellus Wood, that occu-
pied, upon a dreary night, a brief hour
upon the peace platform at Elsinore.
[Hisses and applause.]
Hamlet — (Vallandigham) — the air bites
shrewdly ; it is very cold.
Horatio— it is indeed, an unhappy and
an eager air.
Hamlet — What hour now ? •
Horatio^Methinks it lacks of twelve.
Marcellus Wood — No, it has struck.
Horatio— Indeed ! I heard it not.
Heard it not, Horatio? Heard you not
Rhode Island, one ? two, Vermont ? three,
Massachusetts? four. New Hampshire?
five, Maine? six, California? seven, Wis-
consin? eight, Illinois? nine, Pennsylva-
nia? ten, Ohio? eleven, Maryland? and
New York, twelve? [Uproarous ap-
plause, which lasted for some time, the
audience rising to their feet and cheering
en masseJ] And there struck the last syl-
lable of recorded time. If, Horatio, your
auricular nerve was dead to that, it must
be the dull, cold ear of death with which
you are struck. The dead heard it, looked
up and wondered at the miracle. The liv-
ing heard it and rejoiced, and as our army
stood shoulder to shoulder in the fit)nt, the
people were standing shoulder to shoulder
in the rear.
Ohetn Inatftad of a 0peech.
A very cheerful little speech was given
by President Lincoln, one afternoon, while
a very large concourse of people was as-
sembled on the grounds of the presidential
mansion, listening to the charming music
of the Marine Band.
The President, in the midst of the mu-
sical entertainment, made his appearance
on the balcony of the White House, and
afler conversing with a few friends, stood
up and looked very much like a man who
was going to make a speech. Tlie people
took the cue from Abraham's countenance,
and instantly there was a general rush to
the spot where he stood. Mr. Lincoln
smiled on the crowd gathered around him,
and understanding very well what they
wanted, made a low bow and proceeded :
^ Ladies and gentlemen, I suppose you
want a speech, don't you ? "
"Yes, yes!" was the response on all
" Well," said the President, " I propose
in lieu of it to give three cheers for Gen-
eral Grant and the army under him."
The cheers were given with a right
good will, after which the crowd dispersed,
thinking that old Abe had played a joke
in pretending that he was going to make
a speech. The little episode put every-
body into the best of humor. The Presi-
dent knew well how to lead off with " three
and a tiger."
Stirling Scene at the Polls.
At a town meeting held in Newton,
Massachusetts, a very black freedman who
came from Virginia to the former State
about a year and a half previously, and
who, for fourteen months, had been in the
employ of a gentleman in West Newton,
appeared at the polls for the purpose of
voting. He had been assessed, his tax
was paid, and he was all right on the reo-
PATRIOTIC, POLITICAL, CIVIL, JUDICIAL, ETC.
ord, but he held a War ticket, and the
presiding member of the board of select-
men at the time, wlio entertained opposite
political vie¥r8, refused permission for him
** Upon what grounds ? " asked H gentle-
man present. " Because," said the officer,
^* he is an escaped slave, and under the
fugitive slave law he ought to be sent
bacL** ** But," said the gentleman, " we
don't live under that dispensation now;
the President's Proclamation has settled
all that, and the man has a right to vote
and should be allowed to do so.'*
** The President had no right to make
such a Proclamation; it is unconstitu-
tional," said the selectman.
The gentleman replied" " It is for the
Board to determine the man's right to
vote, and I appeal to them ; " and with
the exception above stated all concurred
that the freedman had the right to vote,
and he accordingly deposited his first bal- j
lot with a grin of delight wluch was pleas-
ant to witness.
As he was doing this, however, a little
Irishman entered his protest, on the ground
that he coulA not read and write. ^ I beg
pardon," saM the gentleman who acted the
part of friend to the voter, " he can read
and write. Since he came here he has
been prepared for the duties of a free
man, and he can read and write as well
as a white man.** " Well," said the little
Irishman, ^ I don't care for that ; niggers
have no right to vote, any way," and so
the matter ended.
''are making an effort to draw in the
border States to their schemes of secession,
and I am too fearful they will succeed.
If they do succeed, there will be the most
terrible civil war the world has ever seen,
lasting for years. Virginia will become a
chamel house; but the end will be the
triumph of the Union cause. One of their
first efibrts will be to take possession of
this capital, to ^ve them prestige abroad,
but they will never succeed m taking it ;
0«ii«ral Stewart and Senator Doofflaa on the
A most remarkable prediction was made
by Senator Douglas, in January, 1861.
Mr. Douglas was asked by General C. B.
Stewart, oTNew York, who was making a
New Tear^s call on the great Illinoisian, —
"" What will be the results of the efibrts
of Jefierson Davis and his associates to
divide the Umon?"
The oottoQ States," Douglas replied,
the North will rise en masse to defend it >
but it will become a city of hospitals ; the
churches will be used for the sick and
wounded, and even the Minnesota block
(which afterward did become the Douglas
hospital) may be devoted to that purpose
before the end of the war."
^ What justification is there for all this ? "
inquired General Stewart .
** There is," said Douglas, " no justifica-
tion, nor any pretense of any. If they
will remam in the Union, I will go as far
as the Constitution will permit to maintain
their just rights, and I do not doubt but a
majority of Congress will do the same.
But," — and this he said rising on his feet
and extending his arm, " if the Southern
States attempt to secede from this Union
Mritbout further cause, I am in favor of their
having just so many slaves, and just so
much slave territory, as they can hoki at
the point of the bayonet — and no more ?*
Digitized by VjOOQ IC
THE BOOK OF ANECDOTES OF THE REBELLIOK.
Wilkinson's Veteran Minnesota Beglxnent.
One of the richest scenes afforded by
the United States Senate, during the war,
wa» that in which PJtt Fessenden, of
Maine, and Wilkinson, of Minnesota, were
the principal actors. Wilkinson — a very
clever Senator — had been indulging in a
little abuse of " the East." The East got
everything, he said, and the West nothing.
He alluded particularly to a veteran regi-
ment from Minnesota, which from some
informality had not yet received it« pay,
and an appeal was taken to Congress,
which was not successful. From one thing
to another, the discussion rambled, till at
last the Senator (Wilkinson) began to
ridicule the army of the Potomac in " Diinn
Browne's" best style. He pictured that
army swinging to and fro between Wash-
ington and Culpepper, and made eastern
armies and eastern generals appear in a
ridiculous aspect. Pitt Fessenden rose to
defend the East.
*» How is it," asked Fessenden, " about
the veteran Minnesota regiment, which
our friend has complimented so highly
here? To what army did it belong?"
" To the army of the Potomac," replied
** Indeed," quoth the Maine senator, " is
it possible f Has this Minnesota regiment
been swinging to and fro between the Po-
tomac and the Rapidan ?"
Wilkinson then explained that he did
not allude to the soldiers of the army of
the Potomac, but to its leaders. Mr. Fes-
senden took him up on that point.
"Who is the- General-in-Chief?" asked
Mr. Fessenden ; " It is General Halleck, a
western man. Who is the Commander-in-
Chief, the man responsible for the leader-
ship of all the armies ? Is Ae not a western
It was a most amnsing colloquial debate,
Fessenden commg out in his best style, and
Wilkinson doing extremely well, too, but
choosing to be in a weak position, he was
compelled to throw up the sponge.
▲▼aUinir himself cf a Joke.
A representative of one of the five Great
Powers met.IVIr. Seward one day, jusr as
he was coming out of his room, on his way
to dinner. Of course the diplomat was
invited to walk in. He declined, saying :
'* Oh, no, I only called to tell you a good
joke. One of our Captains has just ar-
rived, and says that, when he reached
Charleston and went to my consul's office,
and inquired for the consul, he was told that
he was drilling his company. What com-
pany? inquired the captain^pf the ship.
Why, one of the companies selected to
march against Washington. The captain
was greatly surprised, and mentioned the
fact as evidence of the universal feeling of
hostility which pervades Charleston."
Mr. Seward. What is the name of your
consul at Charleston ?
Mr. Sewardy (opening the door opposite
where they were standing.) Mr. Assistant
Secretary, draw up an order recaUing the
exegtuxtur issued in favor of , consul
at Charlestofi. There. That business is
Diplomat. My r Seward! You
are not in earnest. I only told you the story
as a good joke.
Mr. Seward. And I, Mr. ^ avail
myself of this "joke," to give you practical
evidence of the manner in which we intend
PATRIOTIC, POLITICAL, CIVIL, JUDICIAL, ETC.
to deal with every Foreign Power and their
representatives, whenever they interfere,
directly or indirectly, between us and the
traitors in rebellion against our Govern-
ment. The exequatur of your consul is
recalled ; and I sincerely hope that no im-
prudence on the other side of the Atlantic,
will compel me as summarily to terminate
the very pleasant relations now existing
with all the members of the Diplomatic
"And the Vxotlior shall deliver up the brother
A man named C— e, lived in Missouri,
about fifty miles from the Kansas border.
His family, originally fix)m the South, had
settled in southwestern Missouri. When
the war broke out his two brothers avowed
their disloyalty to the Government, jomed
''And thelvotiMr flhaU dattyer np the brother to death."
the secession army, — and they urged him to
do so too. But he was true to his allegiance
to the Union and its starry ensign. Hesi-
tadng, and with the ties of kindred to dis-
tiact him, he remained a passive witness
of events until all the man that was in him
at length induced him to take his place in
the great struggle. A few days after a
younger brother rode up to his house. At
the time he was out of his wagon, and had
been practising with his riile at a mark,
and had j ust loaded. The younger brother
said: Tm glad you're thinking about
your gun. You'd better join a company."
**I have done so," was the calm reply.
" Whose ? " " Captain 's," naming the
Captain of a company of Home Guards
that had been raised m that county. " Ah !
that's what you are at, is it?" cried the
younger brother — and, drawing a Colt's
navy, he continued, " I've got something
for you," and fired. The ball lodged in the
breast of the elder brother, who staggered
and fell with the violence or suddenness of
the shock. Recovering himself, however,
for a moment, with superhuman energy, he
got upon his knees, and seizing his rifie,
|X)inted it at his murderous brother, who
lumed and fled, but the rifle-ball in his
spine arrested the course of the rebel for-
ever. The family of the Union man gath-
ered a few of their .effects hurriedly, and
fled with him in a wagon — ^at last reaching
Kansas, where, though severely wounded,
he slowly recovered.
Female Traitors maWng Ashes of the Qlo-
In the earlier stage of the rebellion, four
young gentlemen stopping in Alexandria,
engaged apartments there of a highly re-
spectable lady living in Prince street, with
her daughters, the latter aged respectively
sixteen and eighteen. Although the lady
and her daughters were avowed secession-
ists, the former having two sons in the
rebel army, the new-comers were never-
theless not quite prepared to hear them
speak so contemptuously and bitterly of the
Union. The young gentlemen, it appears,
took it into their heads to hoist the Stars
and Stripes on the top of their dwelling,
one day. The lady and daughters, when
they discovered it, raised such a storm of
indignation that the gentlemen were afraid
to approach them. One of the young ladies
clambered to the roof of the house, at the
risk of life and limb, and, with the spirit
THE BOOK OP ANECDOTES OP THE REBELLION.
of a tigress, tore down the flag, trampled
it beneath her feet, and finally threw the
fragments into the stove. Not content with
this disrespect to the glorious emblem of
the country which had protected herself
and family from their birth, this young trait-
ress took the ashes of the burnt flag and
pitched them contemptuously into the
lEeilted Baboke of a Seoessionist by General
A good anecdote is told of how a violent
secessionist at the Tennessee capital got a
merited rebuke from General Dumont. A
famous physician's female household de-
ported themselves so rudely to our soldiers,
once or twice actually spitting in their
faces, that the Greneral ordered the house
to be put under guard, with orders to let
no one pass in or out. The Doctor, who
was in the country at the time, was greatly
incensed on finding his access to his own
house debarred by a guard of soldiery on
his return, and forthwith went to head-
quarters, boiling over with rage. On hear
ing the Doctor's representation, the General
calmly replied that he was not aware of
giving any order to put the complainant's
house imder guard. The latter insisted,
however, that the fact was so, and pointed
to his residence, which was in sight and
near at hand, as evidence, for the guard
could be plainly seen.
" Is that your residence ? " inquired the
"To be sure it is."
" Why, I took it for granted, from the
conduct of its female occupants, that it was
an abode of shameless courtezans, and I
ordered a guard to be placed around it to
prevent the visitation of our soldiery."
Ooni b eeion of a Bebel Of&oer to General
One of the majors in the rebel army at
Vicksburghad formerly served in the same
regiment of the United States army with
General Grants but was then the'latter's
prisoner of war. Grant treated him kindly,
invited him to his private apartment, and
extended to him the courtesies of personal
friendship. After he- left, the General
gave a little sketch of the rebel's former
life to the members of his staff. He also
said, that when the rebel major was in his
room and he was talking to him about
being in the Confederate service, the ma-
jor replied :
" Grant, I tell you I ain't much of a
rebel, afler all, and when I am paroled, I
will let the d service go to the mis-
Br. Cottmaa in Butler'a Handa.
There is a story of General Butler's ad-
ministration in New Orleans which does
not appear in his excellent biography. By
direction' of the President, an election for
Congressmen was held in the First and
Second districts. Dr. Cottman engaged
to be a candidate, and was thereupon sent
for by General Butler.
The General, afler inquiring whether it
was really true that the Doctor was a can-
didate with his own consent, and receiving
an affirmative answer, read the oath which
he would be required to take before enter-
ing upon his Congressional duties — a pret-
ty stringent covenant by the way, declaring
that the deponent had never given aid or
comfort to the internal or external enemies
of the Republic, never held or sought
office under the pretended government of
the Confederate States, or in any way
countenanced the great rebellion. Having
thus called the attention of the Doctor to
the terrible ordeal which awaited him,
the General drew forth a large fac-simile
of the Ordinance of Secession, and pointed
to the signature, Thos. E. H. Cottman,
which appeared thereon in a fair, romid,
" Now," asked the General, " how can
you take that oath after having signed that
treasonable document ? "
^ But I did not assent to it. I opposed
separate secession all through."
PATRIOTIC, POLITICAL, CIVIL, JUDICIAL, ETC.
'*But you signed the ordinance — and
the signature looks as though you thought
it was something to be proud of."
" I signed it merely as a witness to the
" Signed as witness ! Bosh ! What non-
sense ! Suppose, Doctor, you really were
a Member of Congress, and old Jake Bar-
ker, as the "representative of Benjamin
Franklin, should present a claim for wit-
ness fees, on the ground that his ancestor
signed the Declaration of Independence
only in that capacity — ^would you vote for
The Doctor appeared to be afflicted with
a bronchial disorder, which prevented his
mnking inmiediate answer.
" Now," says the General, " I tell you I
think it an insult to loyal men that a signer
of that ordinance shoidd offer to take the
oath I have read. You know very well
that the signing of that document was
made a test of the devotion of members
of the Convention to the cause of Seces-
sion. You know very well that it was
made a test in the case of Mr. Rozier, and
joa know that he did not meet it as you
did by surrendering to treason."
" Very well. Sir, I will announce in the
newspapers that I am ordered by the mili-
tary oonmnander to withdraw my name
fimn the canvass."
" No you wont — ^notl^g of the sort. I
have given you no orders ; I shall give
you none. I have only to say that I think
it grossly scandak>us that you, after having
signed an ordmance of secession, should
ask the people of this District to put you
in a position to take this oath ; and even
if you can bring your conscience to allow
you to take that oath, certain it is that no
House of Representatives would allow yon
lo take it in its presence I "
So the Doctor went his way, and an-
nounced in the newspapers that unforeseen
circomstances commanded his withdrawal
from the canvass.
AoddentB Will Happen.
Greneral Garfield had a bad egg thrown
at him by some treason sympathizer while
speaking at Cheslertown — the same place
where, he Sfud, a few weeks since he was
face to &ce with the companions of the
miscreant on the field of battle. " They
carried more dangerous weapons," said the
Greneral, " but as I did not run there, it is
not probable that I shall run now ; and as
I fought then, if necessary, I can fight
now 1" The mob were intensely gratified
by this plucky speech, and proceeded to
infiict summary justice upon the egg-
thrower, which they did, unfortunately, by
administering a tremendous beating to the
wrong man ! If a true patriot, however,
he doubtless forgave the accident, and was
willing thus to suffer vicariously in so good
Bistarbiiiff an Orator.
When the Union lines advanced towards
Corinth, in the summer of 1862, a batter}'
was planted on an eminence conmianding
a considerable portion of the country, but
completely shrouded from view, by a dense
thicket. Scouts were sent out to discover
the exact position of the rebels, and when
they were but a short distance in advance,
to give a signal as to the directicm to fire,
if any were discovered.
One of the rebel conunanders, unaware
of such presence, called around him a
brigade, and commenced addressing them
in something like the folk>wing strain:
« Sons of the South ! We are here to
defend our homes, our wives and daugh-
ters, against the horde of Vandals who
have come here to possess the first and
violate the last Here, upon this sacred
soil, we have assembled to drive back the
northern invaders — drive them into the
Tennessee.. Will you follow me ? If we
cannot hold this place, we can defend no
spot of our cherished Confederacy. Shall
we drive the invaders back, and strike to
THE BOOK OP AKECDOTES OF THE REBELLION.
death the men who would desecrate our
houses? Is there a man so base among
those who hear me as to jetreat from the
contemptible foe before us ? I will never
blanch before their fire, nor — ^"
At this interesting period the signal was
gHen, and six shells fell in the vicinity of
the chivalrous officer and his men, who
suddenly forgot their red-hot resolves, and
fled in confusion to their breastworks.
One of the Thinffs to be Done.
A very gentlemanly, intelligent Union
soldier was one day standing by the side
of a 32-pounder, at Annapolis, Maryland,
over which, under the military rule of
Greneral Butler, there proudly floated the
Stars and Stripes. In the course of a con-
versation with some disunionists who sur-
rounded him, one of them said :
'^ I would just like to know now, what
you all expect to do ? "
"With the gun for his seat, the flag for
his protection, and slaveholders for his au-
dience, he replied :
" We expect to enforce the laws of the
United States, in all the States. We in-
tend, that persons living in Charleston,
South Carolina, who desire to subscribe
for any Northern paper, may, with perfect
safety, take such paper from its wrapper,
and read it with impunity in the public
rooms of your hotels. And when vessels
with colored sailors, having regular papers
from the United States custom houses, go
to Southern ports, we intend that those
sailors shall not be molested, in an^ man-
** Why, you are an abolitionist ! "
" No, Su*, not a bit of it. But I am an
American citizen, having certain rights,
which have not, heretofore, been protected ;
but which hereaJ^r, thanks to your folly,
will forever be secured. Why, only a
year ago, when I was at Wilmington, a
colored man, who had bought himself and
a small schooner, was engaged in the coast-
ing trade hereabouts, and happened to find
himself in trouble, not fiu* from this very
|l)oint. His vessel ran agrouud, and he
was obliged to stay several days in this
place. He was put in jail, had no funds
to pay some infernal fine with, and would
have been sold by the State into slavery,
had not several of us, who happened to
hear it, raised $800, and secured his lib-