their own preservation.
To avoid both extremes, in such a case men
must both study to understand which way is
niost serviceable to Christ, and to his church,
and withal to be able to deny themselves; and
also must study to understand what Christ
meaneth in his final sentence, " In as much as
you did it (or did it not) to one of the least
of these my brethren, you did it (or did it not)
to rae." As if it were to visit the contagious,
V. e must neither cast away our lives to do no
p2
240 Of Convening with God in Solitude.
p:ood, or for that which in value holdeth no
proportion with them, nor yet must we deny
to run any hazard when it is indeed our duty :
so is it in our visiting those that suffer for the
cause of Christ; (but that here the owning
them being the confessing of him, we need
more seldom to fear being too forward).
11. And some of your friends may cover
their unfaithfulness with the pretence of some
fault that you have been guilty of, some error
that you hold, or some unhandsome or culpable
act that you have done, or some duty that you
liave left undone or failed in : for they think
there is not a better shelter for their unfaithful-
ness, than to pretend for it the name and cause
of God, and so to make a duty of their sin.
Who would not justity them, if they can but
prove that God requireth them, and religion
obligeth them, to forsake you for your faults r
There are few crimes in the world that by some
are not fathered on God (that most hateth them)
as thinking no name can so much honor them.
False friends therefore use this means as well as
other hypocrites: and though God is love, and
condemneth nothing more than uncharitableness
and malice; yet these are commonly by false-
hearted hypocrites, called by some pious vir-
tuous names, and God himself is entitled to
them : so that few worldlings, ambitious persons
or timeservers, but will confidently pretend
religion for all their falsehood to their friends.
Of Conversing with God in Solitude. 241
©r bloody cruelty to the servants of Christ,
that comply not with their carnal interest.
12. Perhaps some of your friends may really
mistake your case, and think that you suffer as
evil doers, and instead of comforting you may
be your sharpest censurers : this is one of the
most notable things set out to our observation
in the book of Job. It was not the smallest
part of his affliction, that when the hand of
God was heavy upon him, and then if ever
was the time for his friends to have been hs
comforters and friends indeed, on the contrary
they became his "scourge, and by unjust accu-
sations and misinterpretations of the providence
of God, did greatly add to his affliction ! When
God had taken away his children, wealth and
health, his friends would take away the repu-
tation and comfort of his integrity ; and under
pretence of bringing him to repentance, did
charge him with that which he was never guilty
of; they wounded his good name, and would
have wounded his conscience, and deprived him
of his inward peace. Censorious false accusing-
friends do cut deeper than malicious slandering
enemies : it is no wonder if strangers or enemies
do misjudge and misreport our actions; but
when your bosom friends, that should most
intimately know you, and be the chief witness
of your innocency against all others, shall in
their jealousy, or envy, or peevishness, or falling-
out, be your chief reproachers and unjust
242 Of Conversing zcith God in Solitudeo
accusers, as it makes it seem more credible to
others, so it will come nearest to yourselves.
And yet this is a thing that must be expected ;
yea, even your most self-denying acts of obe-
dience to God, may be so misunderstood by
godly men, and real friends, as by them to be
taken for your great miscan'iage, and turned to
your rebuke; as David's dancing before the ark
was by his wife; which yet did but make him
resolve to be yet more vile. If you be cast into
poverty, or disgrace, or prison, or banishment,
for your necessary obedience to Christ, perhaps
your friend or wife may become your accuser
for this your greatest service, and say. This is
your own doing; your rashness, or indiscretion,
or self-conceitedness, or wilfulness hath brougiit
it upon you : what need had you to say such
words, or to do this or that? why could not you
have yielded in so small a matter? Perhaps
y )ur costliest and most excellent obedience shall,
l)y your nearest friends, be called the fruits of
pride, or humour, or passion, or some corrupt
affection, or at least of folly and inconsiderate-
ness. When flesh and blood hath long been
striving in you against your duty, and saying,
• Do not cast away thyself: O serve not God
at so dear a rate : God doth not require thee to
undo thyself: why shouldest thou not avoid so
great inconveniences? — when with much ado
you have conquered all your carnal reasonings,
and denied yourselves and your carnal interest.
Of Conversing with God in Solitude. 243
you must expect, even from some religious
friends, to be accused for these very actions;
and perhaps their accusations may fasten such
a blot upon your names, as shall never be
washed out till the day of judgment. By dif-
ference of interests or apprehensions, and by
unacquaintedness with your hearts and actions,
the righteousness of the righteous may be thus
taken from him, and friends may do the work of
enemies, yea, of Satan himself the accuser of
the brethren : and may prove as thorns in your
bed, and gravel in your shoes, yea in your eyes,
and wrong you much more than open adversaries
could have done. How it is like to go witli
that man's reputation you may easily judge,
whose friends are like Job's, and his enemies
like David's, that lay snares before him, and
<3iligently watch for matter of reproach : yet this
may befal the best of men.
13. You may be permitted by God to fall
into some real crime; and then your friends
may possibly think it is their duty to disown
you, so far as you have wronged God : when you
provoke God to frown upon you, he may cause
your friends to frown upon you : if you will fall
out with him, and grow strange to him, no mar-
vel if your truest friends fall out with you and
grow strange to you : they love you for your
godliness, and for the sake of Christ ; and there-
fore must abate their love if you abate your
godliness, and must for the sake of Christ be
244 Of Conversing with God in Solitude,
displeased with you for your sins : and if in snck
a case of real guilt, you should be displeased at
their displeasure, and should expect that yoivr
friend should befriend your sin, or carry himself
towards you in your guilt as if you were inno-
cent, you will but shew that you understand not
the nature of true friendship, nor the use of a
true friend, and are yet yourselves too friendly
to your sins^.
14. Moreover, thos€ few friends that ape
truest to you, may be utterly unable to relieve
you in your distress, of to give you ease, or do
you any good. The case may be such that they
can but pity you, and lament your sorrows, and
weep over youi you may see in them that man
is not as^ God., whose frjendship can accamplisli
ail the good that he desireth to his friends. The
wisest, and greatest, and best of men are silly
comforters, and ineffectual helps; you may be
sick, and pained, and grieved, and distressed,
notwithstanding any thing that they can do for
you : nay, perhaps in their ignorance they may
increase your misery, while they desire your
relief; and by striving indirectly to help and
ease you, may tie the knot faster and make you
worse : they may provoke those more against
you that oppress you, while they think they
speak that which should tend to set you free:
they may think to ease your troubled minds by
such words as shall increase the trouble ; or to
deliver you as Peter would have delivered Chribt*
Of Com^ersing with God in Solitude, 245
and saved his Saviour, first by carnal counsel.
Matt. xvi. 22, " Be it far from thee. Lord : this
shall not be unto thee," and then by carnal
unjust force (by drawing his sword against the
officers.) Love and good meaning will not pre-
vent the mischiefs of ignorance and mistake.
If your friend cut your throat while he thought
to cut but a vein to cure your disease, it is not
his friendly meaning that will save your lives.
Many a thousand sick people are killed by their
friends, that attend them with an earnest desire
of their life, while they ignorantly give them
that which is contrary to their disease, and will
not be the less pernicious for tlie good meaning
of the giver. Who have more tendgr affections
than mothers to their children? and yet a great
part of the calamity of the world of sickness, and
the misery of man's life, proceedeth from the
ignorant and erroneous indulgence of mothers
to their children, who to please them let them
eat and drink what they will, and use them to
excess and gluttony in their childhood, till
nature be abused and mastered and clogged
with those superfluities and crudities, which are
the dunohill matter of most of the following;
diseases of their lives.
I might here also remember you, how your
friends may themselves be overcome with a
temptation, and then become the more danger-
ous tempters of you, by how much the greater
their interest is in your affections. If they be
p 3
246 Of Conversing with God in Solitude.
infected with error, they are the likest persons
to ensnare you : if they be tainted with covet-
ousness or pride, there is none so likely to draw
you to the same sin: — and so your friends may
be in effect your most deadly enemies, deceivers
and destroyers.
15. And if you have friends that are never so
firm and constant, they may prove, not only
unable to relieve you, but very additions to your
grief. If they are afflicted in the participation
of your sufferings, as your troubles are become
theirs (without your ease) so their trouble for
you will become yours, and so your stock of
sorrow will be increased. And they are mortals,
and liable to distress as well as you; and there-
fore they are like to bear their share in several
sorts of sufferings : and so friendship will make
their sufferings to be yours ; their sicknesses and
pains, their fears and griefs, their wants and dan-
pers will all be yours ; and the more they are your
hearty friends the more they will be yours: and
so you will have as many additions to the proper
burden of your griefs as you have suffering
friends. When you do but hear that they are
dead, you say, as Thomas, John xi. 16. " Let
us also go that we may die with him;" and
having many such friends, you will almost always
have one or other of them in distress, and so be
seldom free from sorrow ; besides all that which
i-: properly your own.
16. Lastly, if you have a friend that is both
Of Cotivcrsing with God in Solitude. 247
true and useful, yet you may be sure he must
stay with you but a httle while. The godly men
will cease, and the faithful fail from among the
children of men; while men of lying flattering
lips, and double hearts survive, and the wicked
walk on every side, while the vilest men are
exalted. Ps. xii, 1, 2, 8. While swarms of false
malicious men, are left round about you, perhaps
God will take away your dearest friends. If
among a multitude of unfaithful ones, you have
but one that is your friend indeed, perhaps God
will take away that one. He may be separated
from you into another country; or taken away
to God by death. Not that God doth grudge
you the mercy of a faithful friend ; but that he
would be your all, and would not have you hurt
yourselves with too much affection to any crea-
ture, and for other reasons to be named anon.
And to be forsaken of your friends, is not all
your affliction : but to be so forsaken is a great
aggravation of it. 1. For they use to forsake
us in our greatest sufferings and straits, when
we have the greatest need of them.
2. They fail us most at a dying hour, when
all other worldly comfort faileth. As we must,
leave our houses, lands and wealth, so must we
for the present leave our friends : and as all the
rest are silly comforters, when we have once re-
ceived our citation to appear before the Lord,
so also are our friends but silly comforters :
they can weep over us, but they cannot, with all.
248 Of Conversing with God in Solitude.
their care, delay the separating stroke of death,-
one day or hour.
Only by their prayers, and holy advice, re-
membering us of everlasting things, and pro-
voking us in the v^ork of preparation, they may
prove to us friends indeed. And therefore vi'e
must value a holy, heavenly, faithful friend, as
one of the greatest treasures upon earth : and
while we take notice how as men they may for-
sake us, we must not deny but that as saints
they are precious, and of singular use to us.
And Christ useth by them to communicate his
mercies; and if any creatures in the world may
be blessings to us, it is holy persons, that have
most of God in their hearts and lives.
3. And it is an aggravation of the cross, that
they often fail us, when we are most faithful in
our duty, and stumble most upon the most ex-
cellent acts of our obedience.
4. And those are the persons that ofttimes
fail us, of whom we have deserved best, and
from whom we might have expected most.
Review the experiences of the choicest ser-
vants that Christ hath had in the world, and you
shall find enough to confirm you of the vanity
of man, and the instability of the dearest friends.
How highly was Athanasius esteemed ; and yet
at last deserted and banished even by the famous
Constantine himself! How excellent a man was'
Gregory Nazianzene, and highly valued in the
church ; and yet by reproach and discourage-
Of Conversing with God in Solitude. 249
merits driven away from his church at Constan-
tinople, whither he was chosen ; and envied by
the bishops round about him. How worthy a
man was the eloquent Chrysostome, and highly
valued in the church ; and yet how bitterly was
he prosecuted by Hierome and Epiphanius ; and
banished, and died in a second banishment, by
the provocation of factious contentious bishops,
and an empress impatient of his plain reproofs !
What person 'more generally esteemed and ho-
nored for learning, piety and peaceableness than
Melancthon ; and yet by the contentions of
Illyricus and his party, he was made weary of
his life. As highly as Calvin was (deservedly)
valued at Geneva, yet once in a popular lunacy
and displeasure, they drove him out of their city,
and in contempt of him some called their dogs
by the name of Calvin ; (though after they were
glad to intreat him to return.) How much our
Grindal and Abbot were esteemed, it appeareth
by their advancement to the archbishopric of
Canterbury ; and yet who knoweth not that
their eminent piety sufficed not to keep them
from dejecting frowns? And if you say, that it
is no wonder if with princes through interest,
and with people through levity, it be thus ; I
might heap up instances of the like untrustiness
of particular friends : but all history and the
experiences of the most, do so much abound
with them, that I think it needless. Which of
us must not say with David, that '* All men are
250 Of Conversing with God in Solitude.
liars," Ps. cxvi. that is, deceitful and untrusty,
either through unfaithfulness, weakness, or insuf-
ficiency ; that either will forsake us, or cannot
help us in the time of need ?
Was Christ forsaken in his extremity by his
own disciples, to teach us what to expect or
bear ? Think it not strange then to be con-
formed to your Lord, in this, as well as in other
parts of his humiliation. Expect that men
should prove deceitful: not that you should
entertain censorious suspicions of your particu-
lar friends ; but remember in general that man is
frail, and the best too selfish and uncertain; and
that it is no wonder if those should prove your
greatest grief, from whom you had the highest
expectations. Are you better than Job, or
David, or Christ; and are your friends more
firm and unchangeable than their's ?
Consider, I. That creatures must be set at a
sufficient distance from their creator. All-suffi-
ciency, immutability, and indefectible fidelity,
are proper to Jehovah. As it is no wonder for
the sun to set or be eclipsed, as glorious a
body as it is; so it is no wonder for a friend, a
pious friend, to fail us, for a time, in the hour
of our distress. There are some that will not :
but there is none but may, if God should
leave them to their weakness. Man is not
your rock: he hath no stability but what is
derived, dependant, and uncertain, and defec-
tible. Learn therefore to rest on God alone.
Of Conversing with God in Solitude. 25 1
and lean not too hard or confidently upon any;
mortal wight.
2. And God will have the common infirmity
of man to be known, that so the weakest may
not be utterly discouraged, nor take their weak-
ness to be gracelessness, whilst they see that
the strongest also have their infirmities, though
not so great as theirs. If any of God's servants
live in constant holiness and fidelity, without
any shakings or stumbling in their way, it would
tempt some self-accusing troubled souls to think
that they were altogether graceless, because they
are so far short of others : but when we read of
a Peter's denying his master in so horrid a
manner, with swearing and cursing that he knew
not the man. Matt. xxvi. 74, and of his disimu-
lation and not walking uprightly. Gal. ii. and of
a David's unfriendly and unrighteous dealing
with Mephibosheth, the seed of Jonathan, and
of his most vile and treacherous dealing; with
Uriah, a faithful and deserving subject, it may
both abate our wonder and offence at the
unfaithiulness of our friends, and teach us to
compassionate their frailty, when they desert
us; and also somewhat abate our immoderate
dejectedness and trouble, when we have failed
God or man ourselves.
3. Moreover, consider how the odiousness of
that sin, which is the root and cause of such
unfaithfulness, is greatly manifested by the
failins: of our friends. God will have the ocUou&f
252 Of Conversing with God in Solitude.
ness of the remnants of our self-love and carnal-
mindedness, and cowardice appear: we should
not discern it in the seed and root, if we did not
see and taste it in the fruits. Seeing without
tasting will not sufficiently convince us : a crab
looks as beautiful as an apple ; but when you
taste it, you better know the difference. When
you must yourselves be unkindly used by your
friends, and forsaken by them in your distress,
and you have tasted the fruits of the remnants
of their worldliness, selfishness, and carnal fears,
you will better know the odiousness of these
vices, which thus break forth against all obliga-
tions to God and you, and notwithstanding the
light, the conscience, and perhaps the grace,
that doth resist them.
4. Are you not prone to overvalue and over^
love your friends? If so, is not this the meetest
remedy for your disease? In the loving of God,
we are in no danger of excess, and therefore
have no need of any thing to quench it; and in
the loving of the godly purely upon the account
of Christ, and in loving saints as saints, we are
not apt to go too far : but yet our understandings
may mistake, and we may think that saints have
more of sanctity than indeed they have; and we
are exceeding apt to mix a selfish common love
with that which is spiritual and holy ; and at
the same time, when we love a christian as a
christian, we are apt not only to love him (as we
ought) but to overlove him because he is our
Of Conversing with God in Solitude. 2-53
friend, and loveth us. Those christians that
have no special love to us, we are apt to under-
value and neglect, and love them below their
holiness and worth : but those that \^e think
entirely love us, we love above their proper
worth, as they stand in the esteem of God : not
but that we may love those that love us, and
add this love to that which is purely for the
sake of Christ; but we should not let our
own interest prevail and overtop the interest
of Christ, nor love any so much for loving
us, as for loving Christ: and if we do so, no
wonder if God shall use such remedies as he
seeth meet, to abate our excuse of selfish love.
O how highly are we apt to think of all that
good which is found in those who are the
highest esteemers of us, and most dearly love
us; when perhaps in itself it is but some ordi-
nary good, or ordinary degree of goodness
which is in them ! Their love to us irresistibly
procureth our love to them ; and when we love
them, it is wonderful to observe, how easily we
are brought to think well of almost all they
do, and highly to value their judgments, graces.
parts and works ; when greater excellencies in
another perhaps are scarce observed, or regarded
but as a common thing : and therefore the
destruction or want of love, is apparent in
the vilifying thoughts and speeches, that most
men have of one another; and in the low
esteem of the judgments, and performances
254 Of Conversing tvith God in Solitude.
and lives of other men: (much more in their
-contempt, reproaches and cruel persecutions.)
Now though God will have us increase in our
love of Christ in his members, and in our
pure love of christians as such, and in our
common charity to all, yea, and in our just
fidelity to our friend ; yet would he have us
suspect and moderate our selfish and exces-
sive love, and inordinate partial esteem of one
above another, when it is but for ourselves,
and on our own account. And therefore as he
will make us know, that we ourselves are no
such excellent persons, as that it should make
another so laudable, or advance his worth,
because he loveth us ; so he will make us
know, that our friends whom we overvalue,
are but like other men: if we exalt them too
highly in our esteem, it is a sign that God
must cast them down. And as their love to
us was it that made us so exalt them ; so their
unkindness or unfaithfulness to us, is the fittest
means to bring; them lower in our estimation
and affection. God is very jealous of our
hearts, as to our overvaluing and overloving
any of his creatures : what we give inordinately
and excessively to them, is some way or other
taken from him, and given them to his injury,
and therefore to his offence. Though I know
that to be void of natural, friendly or social
affections, is an odious extreme on the other
side; yet God will rebuke us if we are guilty
Of Conversing with God in Solitude. 255
of excess. And it is the greater and more
inexcusable fault to overlove the creature,
because our love to God is so cold, and hardly
kindled and kept alive. He cannot take it v/ell
to see us dote upon dust and frailty like our-
Selves, at the same time when all his wondrous
kindness, and attractive goodness, do cause but
such a faint and languid love to him, which we
ourselves can scarcely feel. If therefore he
cure us by permitting our friends to shew us
truly what they are, and how little they deserve
such excessive love (when God hath so little) it
is no more wonder, than it is that he is tender
of his glory, and merciful to his servant's souls*
5. By the failing and unfaithfulness of our
friends, the wonderful patience of God will be
observed and honored, as it is shewed both to
them and us. When they forsake us in our
dist'-ess (especially when we suffer for the cause
of Christ) it is God that they injure more than
us : and therefore if he bear with them, and
forgive their weakness upon repentance, why
should not we do so that are much less injured ?
The Vi/orld's perfidiousness should make us think
how great and wonderful is the patience of God,
that beareth with, and beareth up, so vile, un-
grateful, treacherous men, that abuse him to
whom they are infinitely obliged ! And it should
make us consider, when men deal treacherously
with us, how great is that mercy that hath
borne with, and pardoned greater wrongs which
256 Of Conversing with God in Solitude.
r myself have done to God, than these can
be which men have done to me! It was the
remembrance of David's sin, that had provoked
God to raise up his own son against him (of
whom he had been too fond) which made
him so easily bear the curses and reproach
of Shimei. It will make us bear abuse from
others, to remember how ill we have dealt with
God, and how ill we have deserved at his hands
ourselves.