The first great qualification for social intercourse is
a profound respect and a deep sympathy for human-
ity, whatever its culture or condition may be.

** If there be one whose heart the holy forms
Of young imagination have kept pure,
Stranger I henceforth be warned, and know that pride
However disguised in its own majesty.
Is littleness ; that he who feels contempt
For any living thing hath faculties
Which he has never used ; that thought with him
is in its infancy. The man whose eye
Is ever on himself doth look on one.
The least of nature's works, one who might move
The wise man to that scorn which wisdom holds
Unlawful ever. O ! be wiser, thou !
Instructed that true knowledge leads to love.
True dignity abides with him alone
Who, in the silent hour of inward thought,
Can still suspect and still revere himself,
In lowliness of heart."

The selfish and dishonest man is incapable of feeling
this respect and sympathy ; since a true self-respect, a
true confidence in our own goodness, is the foundation
and condition of respect and sympathy for others. If
we are heartless and insincere ourselves, we must re-



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TEACHING — SOCIETY. II5

— . ^j ,

gard every other human creature as being so. We can
not, in our judgment of others, rise above our estimate
of ourselves ; without the experience of them in our-
selves, we are incapable of comprehending the exist-
ence of them in others. But the man whose moral
nature is thoroughly cultivated, whose moral, whose
spiritual powers are in full activity, will be led to as-
sume the existence of the same noble thoughts and
sympathies in others. Humanity to him is a holy and
sacred thing ; a temple w^ithin which dwells the spirit
of God — a mirror, which, even in its ruin, reflects the
divine image. Thus endowed, man walks through
society like an angel of light, carrying the torch of
everlasting truth into the darkest of human habitations,
and relief and joy to the lowest and most degraded of
his fellow-creatures. Thou must thyself be unselfish
and pure and holy, if thou wouldst make others so. It
is love and sympathy that draw men and women to-
gether, and tighten the cords of social unity, while
hate or despite tends to repel and separate, and thus
•render society an impossibility.

Children must therefore be taught this respect for
others by learning first to respect themselves. They
must sympathize with all — with the rich and poor, the
educated and ignorant, the pure and the impure, the
good and the bad. A debased humanity shows yet
somjewhat of its divine origin. They should be taught
that there is a priceless value in humanity, boundless
sources of all that is noble, lovely, good, and holy ;
that virtue and moral worth are the highest objects of-
value in this world, whether found clothed in rags or
reposing in a palace, and that vice and ignorance are
not a subject for despite, but for pity and deep sympa-



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Il6 CRIME AND THE FAMILY.

thy, for tears rather than frowns. That is a miserable
and wicked philosophy which teaches tis to distru3t
our fellow-men, to suspect every man of dishonesty
-^nd every woman of want of virtue. There can be no
real society among those with such opinions. Confi-
dence in humanity is the condition of happy social
intercourse ; without it social enjoyment is an impossi-
bility.

The first law of social intercourse is never intention-
ally to speak a word or do an act calculated to offend
or wound the feelings or self-resfect of another.
This is the ground of all true politeness. We violate this
law by speaking disparagingly of others in their ab-
sence, since those who hear it ma3''be induced to repeat
it to them. Let one never say behind one's back what
he would not say to his or her face ; besides, children
who listen to such talk, lose all confidence in our good
feelings, in human integrity, in the sincerity of their
parents. If a child sees his parents treating a visitor
with courtesy while present, and as soon as his or her
back is turned, speaking disparagingly of them, it can
not derive any very exalted lesson from such an ex-
ample, nor will it have a very high opinion of parental
honesty and sincerity. Children are sincere and honest
until corrupted by bad example and false teaching.

This law requires us to avoid injuring the feelings
of others even unintentionally. The manners and
ways of some are so abrupt and discourteous in their
address to others, that one has a right to infer that they
are intentionally offensive. Many social difficulties
grow out of this disregard of the proprieties and cour-
tesies of social intercourse. We should therefore so
speak and act as to show our kindly feelings and re-



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TEACHING — SOCIETY. II7

spect, and we will, if kindly feelings warm our own*
hearts.

There is another law as important as this : We should
never suspect or assume that another intends us any ^
unkindness or disrespect. On the contrary, we should
assume the reverse to be true. A neglect of this rule
is the source of many heart-burnings and much unhap-
piness. Some minds are ever on the watch for acts of
discourtesy, and turn into such the most harmless and
innocent words and looks and conduct. Never allow
yourself to indulge the opinion that another intends to
offend or injure your feelings, until he says it right
out, and then he has been guilty of an act of a base-
ness which renders him incapable of disturbing your
self-respect or peace of mind. Confidence in our own
integrity and moral worth will turn aside as harmless
the shafts of envy and malice. A careful observance
of these two laws would prevent most of the misunder-
standings and disputes, and avoid most of the unpleas-
ant feelings which, so often mar the joys of social in-
tercourse, and lead to life-long alienations between
those who otherwise would have been sweet and lasting
friends.

The next law of social intercourse is never to re-peat
what you have heard to the injury of another. So-
ciety is not yet perfect. Men and women will be
found who delight in slander — in tearing to pieces the
characters of their acquaintances and friends. This
often arises from the poverty of thought, from a want
of knowledge ; because they have no other subjects
upon which they can converse. The daily affairs and
acts of their neighborhood. Or town, or acquaintances
are well known to them ; and they may know little



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Il8 CRIME AND THE FAMILY.

else beside. If they are therefore to converse, they
must speak of such matters as are in their minds;
hence many an unkind word is spoken in idle, thought-
less talk, which, if repeated, will disturb the harmony
of a whole social circle and wound the peace of rhany
a heart. There is often somewhat of malice mixed up
in such conversation ; and often we are vain in show-
ing our own virtues, as we fancy, by condemning the
faults of others. If we must talk of our acquaintances,
let us never speak aught else than good of them. But
if others will not observe this golden rule, let us at
least learn to forget the unkind words as soon as
spoken ; never let them find a lodging-place in our
memories, nor an utterance upon our tongues. Were
this law inflexibly observed by all, or most, many dif-
ficulties and disputes, and many unkind feelings, would
be avoided. And yet how often do we see people
eager — nay, impatient — until they have repeated a
slander or an unkind word ; repeated it to the very
person who of all others should never have known it —
to the injured party. These retailers of .slander are
the wormwood and the gall, mixed up in society, and
embittering its purest joys and its sweetest inter-
course.

Another rule to be observed is, never to encourage
the retailer of slander. Listen, but never approve;
never add a word, unless it is to counteract the slander
itself. While good manners require you not to hurt
the feelings of the thoughtless talkers, yet it is a duty
on' our part to make them understand that we take no
interest in such matters, but rather the reverse. Let
this once be understood, and you will be seldom trou-
bled with this class of social pests. One who never



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TEACHING — SOCIETY. II9

repeats a rumor or slander very soon ceases to re-
member them.

Another law of social intercourse is, never to allow
yourself to become angry. An angry man is sure to
commit some blunder, to do or say something which
ought not to have been said or done. Until men and
women are better than they now are, we are always
liable to meet with discourteous conduct from others ;
with unkind words and charges which reach our
moral and social standing, but which can never touch
our self-respect or peace of mind, if we ourselves are
what we ought to be. It is only those who live in
glass houses that are prompt to get angry when stones
are thrown. The consciousness of being right is a
sure protection, against all the shafts of malice. Such
persons dwell in iron, not in glass houses. He who
keeps himself cool and self-possessed always has the
advantage over the angry man. It is like heaping
coals of fire upon his head. It is the severest punish-
ment one can inflict upon the angry and the unjust.
Listen to him, hear what he has to say, and then
calmly show him that he is laboring under a mistake,
that you have never sought to injure or wrong him.
If he grows calm and listens, 5'^ou have made a fast
friend ; if he refuses to listen, you have not embittered
him into a settled enemy. The time of reflection will
come, when he must see his own fault and your recti-
tude.

If you hear a slander circulated upon yourself
never take the trouble to follow it out; you had better
put your hand into a hornets' nest. If your character
is not such as to give the lie to it, you will only make
the matter the worse ; you will be sure .to make an en-



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I20 CRIME AND THE FAMILY.

emy of all who have unjustly originated or circulated
it. We do not like to be caught in a lie, much less to
be exposed in the propagation of one. Such people
invariably add hate to injustice. If you, however,
take no notice of it, the person who did you the wrong
will by and by come to his right mind, and, thinking
you know not what he has said, will become a fast
friend, instead of being a fixed enemy. The man
who has injured another can never be happy in his
presence, since that presence ever calls up in his mind
the memory of his sin, and he must feel unhappy;
but, under the consciousness of it, if he thinks his
offense is unknown by its victim, he may himself suc-
ceed in forgetting it, and be able to meet the injured
one upon easy and familiar terms.

We should never be angry when told of our faults.
This is an important law of social intercourse. We
are all imperfect, incomplete, not what we ought to
be. We often do things we ought not to have done,
and omit things we ought to have done.; and hence
we should never feel offended with one who points out
these deficiencies. If it is done out of love, we should
be grateful, and hook the teller to our souls with hooks
of steel ; if done through malice, we should yet be
grateful that even our enemies may become efficient
helps in the perfection of our spiritual life. Let us
listen to all such suggestions with kindness and atten-
tion, and then subject ourselves to a severe self-
examination, in order that we may discover these defi-
ciencies, if they exist, and correct them. This is one
of the great benefits of social intercourse— our faults
stand out to the view of others, if not to our own. We



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TEACHING — SOCIETY. 121

are all keen to discover the faults of others, and
mostly stone-blind to our own.

These are some of the social laws which should be
impressed upon the mind of every i:hild, to the ob-
servance of which all ought to be trained. I do not
say that there may not be occasions when it might be
a duty to vindicate one's self against a slander, or to
communicate to the victim the slander we had heard
circulating in the public mind to his injury ; but these
occasions, like justifiable causes of war, seldom occur,
and hence may be passed over as of small value in
the practical wisdom of life ; while, if these laws are
strictly observed, society would be immensely bene-
fited, and the happiness of individuals be largely im-
proved and heightened.

These laws are to be applied in our intercourse with
all, without regard to rank, position, education, or
moral worth. Our own moral cuhure requires it,
even if those with whom the duties of life bring us in
contact have no right to claim it. Our influence, even
with the bad, will be increased for good by the ob-
servance of these laws of courtesy and kind regards.
Sympathy is the great power that stirs the depths of
the human heart, and brings out whatever of good
is there yet latent.

While this is true, it is not possible that we should
or can make intimate associates of all. Society, for
such purposes, must divide up into clusters, according
to the several positions, education, and moral worth
of its members. To render social intercourse intimate
and agreeable, the members must bring to it an affinity
of habits, taste, and culture, both intellectual and
moral ; they must all be interested in the same mat-



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122 CRIME AND THE FAMILY.

ters, acquainted with the same subjects, and pleased
with like modes of thought. Conversation can not be
interesting and instructive, save upon this condition.
The intelligent and the ignorant, the refined and the
vulgar, the virtuous and the vicious, can never mingle
together in a harmonious and congenial union ; they
will repel instead of attracting each other. When,
however, a good work is to be done, all the pure
minded, all Christian men and women, can cordially
co-operate in doing it. There is here a subject, an
object in which the moral and religious can all sym-
thize and gladly join together in accomplishing. In-
deed, where the moral and religious powers are
fully and harmoniously developed and cultivated, the
intellect must also be so, to a considerable extent;
and it will be found that such people have higher
points of contact and sympathy, which throw into the
shade most other inequalities, and bring them together
in a cordial and happy union. Goodness, moral
worth, religious culture, is the strongest cement of
every pleasant and happy social circle. Such people
have one thing in common, and that the highest and
noblest in life, in the light of which all lesser objects
and matters and things fade away and disappear.

Children should also be taught that no intimate and
permanent friendship can be established between the
good and the bad, the virtuous and the vicious, the
moral and the immoral, the spiritually minded and the
carnally minded, between those who have a high de-
velopment and culture of the spirit, and those whose
animal nature has been cultivated while their spiritual
pdwers lie dormant. This is a fundamental law of
human life and happiness. What pleases the one class



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TEACHING SOCIETY. 1 2^

is, and must be, offensive to the other; and hence
there can be no sympathy between them. The most
intimate and dearest of all human unions is subject to
this law more than any other relation of life. The
relation of husband and wife can only be perfected in
the union of the good and the pure; they must be
pleased with the same thoughts and pursuits, or there
can be no permanent sympathy and love between
them. To unite the pure-minded woman to a vulgar
and debased man is like uniting a living person to a
dead and decaying body. And yet how often do we
see violations of this vital law of human happiness I
How often do we see the giddy girl allying her des-
tiny and staking her happiness upon a union with vul-
garity and vice 1 The pure minded, even if intel-
lectually unequal, may be happy together ; but the
good and the bad, when united, throw away all chance
of happiness in such an unholy union. This vital
truth ought to be burned into the memory and heart
of every young person, if their lives are not to be
failures and their portion misery. The pure minded
can not love the impure minded. If such attachments
spring up, Ihey arise from a misunderstanding of each
other's characters, from ignorance on the part of the
pure minded. To be pure minded is the best protec-
tion against being deceived by the impure. The pure
in heart discover in the lightest words conclusive evi-
dence of impurity in mind. The two classes can not
associate together without being conscious of the
wide gulf that lies between their thoughts and lives.
The blandest and most honeyed Vi^ords will betray the
rottenness, and impurity, and selfishness which nestle
within. There will grow up between them a sort of



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124 CRIME AND THE FAMILY.

instinctive antipathy, which will drive them asunder
as wide as the poles.

Parents must give watchful heed to this all-important
subject, if they would not see their sons and their
daughters make shipwreck of their future. While this
dearest and sweetest of all relations should only be
founded upon mutual love, parents should be careful
to exclude the bad from intercourse with their chil-
dren ; or, if it can not be prevented, the bad in char-
acter should be noted, so that their children may avoid
them as pollution. It may be too late when the ser-
pent, in the guise of an angel of light, has worked his
way into the affections of a son or a daughter, since
the affections, once roused, clothe the loved object with
a dearness not its own. There are many mistakes on
this subject, made by parents. They wait until the
evil has come upon them, when it is probably too late
to remedy it. Forewarned is to be forearmed, and
parents should ever remember it, if they would not see
their fondest expectations disappointed and embittered,
and all their future clouded with gloom, which gathers
around the dying pillow of a loved one whose wasted
life points to no hopeful expectations beyond.



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TEACHING THE MODE. 1 25



CHAPTER XIII.



TEACHING — THE MODE.



At the risk of some repetition, I must call the atten-
tion of parents to the mode in which this teaching and
training is to be conducted in order that they may have
their full influence upon the life. Spiritual culture is
to be aimed at more than mere instruction ; the ele-
ments of the spiritual life are to be reached and
brought out ; the conscience is to be quickened into
life, and the emotional nature developed, while the
animal life, the appetites and passions, are to be re-
strained and subdued. Unless this result is obtained,
the highest, the most vital end of all teaching and
training is most woefully missed — has most signally
failed.

Religious truth, taught as a science, is addressed to
the intellect, and becomes the subject for thought and
discussion. But this mode of teaching is wholly inap-
plicable to the young. Their intellects are not suffi-
ciently matured to comprehend it; hence the whole
thing becomes tedious and disagreeable. In order to
interest the child, it must be able to catch the thought
intended to be conveyed. It must think the thought its
teacher does, or the teaching is above his comprehen-
sion and in vain.

In most of the natural sciences w^e begin our in-
structions with the concrete, not with the abstract —
with the individual, not with generalization. In num-



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126 CRIME AND THE FAMILY.

bers, the child begins with things. ^ He sees how these
are increased or. diminished in number. From things
he passes to figures in their simplest, most elementary
forms. Master of these, he creeps on from point to
point, until, with La Place, he can measure and weigh
the material universe. In chemistry, the teacher be-
gins with his elements, the simplest bodies with which
sensation makes us acquainted, and thence proceeds
in his analysis until he has resolved the whole of mat-
ter into its elements, calculated its proportions and
combinations. In the concrete, in the sensible fact,
he learns to comprehend the principle or law which
underlies and gives significance to the fact itself. The
reverse of this mode is too often followed in spiritual
teaching, in the revelation of the divine facts and laws
to a human spirit. The highest, the most abstract and
comprehensive generalizations are first taught, while
those simple facts and truths which apply directly to ,
the infant life are overlooked, omitted. Hence the in-
tellect is filled wtth theology, while the spiritual pow-
ers remain dormant and the spiritual life undeveloped.
It is from the consciousness of this error pervading the
public mind that catechisms have to a great extent
ceased to be taught to children as formerly. These
epitomes of Christian, of religious science, are utterly
beyond the grasp of the infant mind, besides being
addressed to the intellect, and not to the development
of the spiritual powers and life. But, with the disuse
of this teaching, too many parents have neglected to
substitute a better mode. This imperfect teaching
was better than none. It did impress upon the mind
of the child the greatest of all facts — the existence of
God. The impressing of this fact upon the infant



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TEACHING — THE MODE. 127

mind, if the child did not understand a word besides,
was of incalculable value to its future, since this fact
lies at the foundation of the spiritual life — is essential
to any and all religious culture.

In this religious training and culture, we must also
begin with the first principles, not with the perfected
science ; with the simplest applications, not with final
results. The work is to be made practical, carried
home lo the mind and heart of the child, so that its
spiritual powers as well as its intellectual may be ex-
cited into action.

The distinction of acts into right and wrong is to be
impressed upon the mind by constantly calling the at-
tention of the child to its acts ; disapprobation must be
shown to the doing of the one, and approbation to the
doing of the other. It is from the look and manner
of the parent that the child is to be made conscious of
this distinction. Punishment, bodily suflfering, may
be here brought to the aid of other means. If the child
suflTers for doing certain acts, it will come to feel that
it ought not to do them, and thus will be conscious of
those emotions called by Dr. Brown emotions of moral
disapprobation ; its conscience will be developed and
brought into exercise. No wrong act should be over-
looked ; the child should be made to feel that it is bad,
deserves, censure, punishment, its parents' censure,
whenever it does amiss. It is only by the constant and
ever-watchful attention and discipline that the right im-
pression can be made, and the moral powers stimulated
into activity.

The same method should be followed in impressing
upon the mind the thought, the idea of God. The
child should be led to see His manifestations every-



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128 CRIME AND THE FAMILY.

where ; to hear His voice at all times — in the rushing
winds, the flowing waters, the gentle breezes, as well
as in the mighty tempest, the flashing lightning, and
the deafening thunder. The idea of God should by
the law of association come up in the memory of the
child, whenever it sees any one or all of these varied
phenomena. They should be to its mind as the lan-
guage of God, speaking to its mind and commanding
its attention.

The mother, on her knees before God in the pres-
ence of her child, must contribute powerfully to deepen
the impression of God upon the infant mind. Here is
a visible fact, a solemn act of worship by one it loves ;
it will feel the mighty power of such an exhibition, of
such an act of recognition of God. Every intelligent
mother will have a thousand ways of deepening this
all-important impression upon the mind and heart of
her loved ones. Let her never omit one of them.

A respectful observance of the Sabbath will also
contribute to this end. The child learns that there is
a difference in the days ; that some of them are sacred
and holy — are God's days. When the Sabbath is
strictly kept, the very manner of doing it tells the
child of God and His holiness, and of worship due to
Him. All the movements of the day remind it of God,