T. S. (Timothy Shay) Arthur.

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Ef)GEVv r OODE.DIT!ON:





THE LIBRARY

OF

THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA

LOS ANGELES







s- xi







THE YOUNG BRIDE.



THE



WEDDING GUEST:



OF THE



BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM.



EDITED BF

T. S. ARTHUR.



' PHILADELPHIA:

HUBBARD BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS,
1888.



Copyrighted by
HUBBARD BROTHERS.

1888.




PREFACE.



THERE is no relation in life so important none
involving so much of happiness or misery, as that
of husband and wife. Yet, how rarely is it, that
the parties when contracting this relation, have
large experience, clear insight into character,
or truly know themselves ! In each other,
they may have the tenderest confidence, and
for each other the warmest love; but, only a
brief time can pass ere they will discover that
the* harmonious progression of two minds, each
of which has gained an individual and independ
ent movement, is not always a thing of easy
attainment. Too soon, alas ! is felt a jar of dis
cord too soon self-will claims an individual
freedom of action that is not fully accorded ; and

916



IV PREFACE.

unless there is wisdom and forbearance, tempo
rary or permanent unhappiness is sure to follow.
Much has been written on the true relation of
married partners, and we cannot do a better
service to the bride and bridegroom, than by
gathering words of wisdom on this subject from
all sources within our reach, and presenting them
in as attractive a form as possible. And this we
have done in the present volume, to which, as
the title-page indicates, we bear only the relation
of editor. In it will be found pictures of life,
serious counsel, earnest admonition, and hints
and suggestions, which, if wisely followed, will
keep the sky bright with sunshine, or scatter the
gathering clouds ere they break in angry storms.
May this " WEDDING GUEST" receive as warm a
welcome as we desire.



CONTENTS.



THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE ..... Pago 7

TUK AVlFE . . . . ' 14

MARRIAGE ...80

THE BRIDE'S SISTER 84

LOVE vs. HEALTH ........ 85

THE YOUNG HOUSEKEEPER 45

To AN ABSENT WIFE 67

THE WORD OF PRAISE . . . . . . . . 68

LETTERS TO A YOCNQ WIFE FROM A MARRIED LADT . . 71

THE WIFE 82

BE GENTLE WITH THY WIFE 83

A TRUE TALE OF LIFE ........ 84

MAN AND WOMAN . . . 102

THE FAIRY WIFE AN APOLOGCE 106

A BRIEF HISTORY, IN THREE PARTS, WITH A SEQUEL . . 109
ELMA'S MISSION . . . . . . . . .111

LIVING LIKE A LADY 123



Vi CONTENTS.

LADY LOOT'S SECRET . . ... .133

A WORD FOR WIVES 144

No JEWELLED BEAUTY 147

THE FIRST MARRIAGE IN THE FAMILY 148

ONLY A FEW WORDS 150

THE Two HOMES 163

LOVE'S FAIRY RING 170

FANNIE'S BRIDAL . 172

THE LOVER AND THE HUSBAND . / . . . 182

NELLIE ..,.. .... 185

A HOME IN THJB HEART . . .... 192

A LEAF FROM A FAMILY JouHHAi . ,- ; .... 193

TRIFLES . . . . . '; .. . . . 205

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS . 224

A SYLVAN MORALITY ; OR, A WORD TO Wiv8 ... 232

PASSAGES FROM A YOUNG WIFE'S DIART .... 245

HINTS AND HELPS FOR MARRIED PARTNERS .... 264

THREE WAYS OF MANAGING A Wm. . . . , 286



THE



THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE.

" WE shall certainly be very happy together !" said
Louise to her aunt on the evening before her marriage,
and her cheeks glowed with a deeper red, and her eyes
shone with delight. When a bride says we, it may
easily be guessed whom of all persons in the world she
means thereby.

" I do not doubt it, dear Louise," replied her aunt.
" See only that you continue happy together."

"Oh, who can doubt that we shall continue so! I
know myself. I have faults, indeed, but my love for him
will correct them. And so long as we love each other,
we cannot be unhappy. Our love will never grow old."

"Alas!" sighed her aunt, "thou dost speak like a
maiden of nineteen, on the day before her marriage, in

(7)



8 THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE.

the intoxication of wishes fulfilled, of fair hopes and
happy omens. Dear child, remember this even the
heart in time grows cold. Days .will come when the
magic of the senses shall fade. And when this enchant
ment has fled, then it first becomes evident whether we
are truly worthy of love. When custom has made
familiar the charms that are most attractive, when youth
ful freshness has died away, and with the brightness of
domestic life, more and more shadows have mingled,
then, Louise, and not till then, can the wife say cf the
husband, ' He is worthy of love ;' then, first, the husband
say of the wife, ' She blooms in imperishable beauty."
But, truly, on the day before marriage, such assertions
sound laughable to me."

" I understand you, dear aunt. You would say that
our mutual virtues alone can in later years give us worth
for each other. But is not he to whom I am to belong
for of myself I can boast nothing but the best intentions
is he not the worthiest, noblest of all the young men
of the city ? Blooms not in his soul, every virtue that
tends to make life happy ?"

" My child," replied her aunt, " I grant it. Virtues
bloom in thee as well as in him ; I can say this to thee
without flattery. But, dear heart, they bloom only,
and are not yet ripened beneath the sun's heat and the
shower. No blossoms deceive the expectations more
than these. We can never tell in what soil they have
taken root. Who knows the concealed depths of the
he#rt?"

" Ah, dear aunt, you really frighten me."

" So much the better, Louise. Such fear is right ;



THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE. 9

such fear is as it should be on the evening before mar
riage. I love thee tenderly, and will, therefore, declare
all my thoughts on this subject without disguise. I am
not as yet an old aunt. At seven-and-twenty years, one
still looks forward into life with pleasure, the world still
presents a bright side to us. I have an excellent hus
band. I am happy. Therefore, I have the right to
speak thus to thee, and to call thy attention to a secret
which perhaps thou dost not yet know,, one which is not
often spoken of to a young and pretty maiden, one, in
deed, which does not greatly occupy the thoughts of a
young man, and still is of the utmost importance in every
household : a secret from which alone spring lasting love
and unalterable happiness."

Louise seized the hand of her aunt in both of hers.
" Dear aunt ! you know I believe you in everything.
You mean, that enduring happiness and lasting love are
not insured to us by accidental qualities, by fleeting
charms, but only by those virtues of the mind which we
bring to each other. These are the best dowry which
we can possess; these never become old."

" As it happens, Louise. The virtues also, like the
beauties of the body, can grow old, and become repulsive
and hateful with age."

" How, dearest aunt ! what is it you say ? Name to
me a virtue which can become hateful with years."

" When they have become so, we no longer call them
virtues, as a beautiful maiden can no longer be called
beautiful, when time has changed her to an old and
wrinkled woman."

" But, aunt, the virtues are nothing earthly."



10 THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE.

" Perhaps."

" How can gentleness and mildness ever become hate
ful ?"

" So soon as they degenerate into insipid indolence
and listlessness."

" And manly courage?"

" Becomes imperious rudeness."

" And modest diffidence?"

" Turns to fawning humility."

"And noble pride?"

" To -vulgar haughtiness."

" And readiness to oblige ?"

" Becomes a habit of too ready friendship and servi-
lity."

" Dear aunt, you make me almost angry. My future
husband can never degenerate thus. He has one virtue
which will preserve him as he is for ever. A deep sense,
an indestructible feeling for everything that is great and
good and noble, dwells in his bosom. And this delicate
susceptibility to all that is noble dwells in me also, I
hope, as well as in him. This is the innate pledge and
security for our happiness."

" But if it should grow old with you ; if it should
change to hateful excitability ; and excitability is the
worst enemy of matrimony. You both possess sensibi
lity. That I do not deny ; but beware lest this grac*
should degenerate into an irritable and quarrelsome
mortal."

" Ah, dearest aunt, if I might never become old ! I
could then be sure that my husband would never cease to
love me."



THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE. 11

*' Thou art greatly in error, dear child ! Wert thou
always as fresh and beautiful as to-day, still thy hus
band's eye would by custom of years become indifferent
to these advantages. Custom is the greatest enchantress
in the world, and in the house one of the most benevo
lent of fairies. She renders that which is the most
beautiful, as well as the ugliest, familiar. A wife is
young, and becomes old ; it is custom which hinders the
husband from perceiving the change. On the contrary,
did she remain young, while he became old, it might
bring consequences, and render the man in years jealous.
It is better as kind Providence has ordered it. Imagine
that thou hadst grown to be an old woman, and thy hus
band were a blooming youth ; how wouldst thou then
feel ?"

Louise rubbed her chin, and said, "I cannot tell."

Her aunt continued : " But I will call thy attention to
a secret which "

" That is it," interrupted Louise, hastily, " that is it
which I long so much to hear."

Her aunt said : " Listen to me attentively. What I
now tell thee, I have proved. It consists of two parts.
The first part, of the means to render a marriage happy,
of itself prevents every possibility of dissension, and
would even at last make the spider and the fly the best
of friends with each other. The second part is the best
and surest method of preserving feminine attractions."

" Ah !" exclaimed Louise.

" The former half of the means, then : In the first
solitary hour after the ceremony, take thy bridegroom,
and demand a solemn vow of him, and give him a solemn



12 THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE.

vow in return. Promise one another sacredly, never,
not even in mere jest, to wrangle with each other ; never
to bandy words or indulge in the least ill-humour. Never !
I say ; never. Wrangling, even in jest, and putting on
an air of ill-humour merely to tease, becomes earnest by
practice. Mark that ! Next promise each other, sin
cerely and solemnly, never to have a secret from each
other under whatever pretext, with whatever excuse it
may be. You must, continually and every moment, see
clearly into each other's bosom. Even when one of you
has committed a fault, wait not an instant, but confess
it freely let it cost tears, but confess it. And as you
keep nothing secret from each other, so, on the contrary,
preserve the privacies of your house, marriage state and
heart, from father, mother, sister, brother, aunt, and all
the world. You two, with God's help, build your own
quiet world. Every third or fourth one whom you draw
into it with you, will form a party, and stand between
you two ! That should never be. Promise this to each
other. Renew the vow at each temptation. You will
find your account in it. Your souls will grow as it were
together, and at last will become as one. Ah, if many
a young pair had on their wedding day known this
simple secret, and straightway practised it, how many
marriages were happier than, alas, they are !"

Louise kissed her aunt's hand with ardour. " 1 feel
that it must be so. Where this confidence is absent, the
married, even after wedlock, are two strangers who do
not know each other. It should be so; without this,
there can be no happiness. And now, aunt, the best
preservative of female beauty ?"



THE EVENING BEFORE MARRIAGE. 13

Her aunt smiled, and said: "We may not conceal
from ourselves that a handsome man pleases us a hundred
/imes more than an ill-looking one, and the men are
pleased with us when we are pretty. But what we call
beautiful, what in the men pleases us, and in us pleasea
the men, is not skin and hair, and shape and colour, as
in a picture or a statue ; but it is the character, it is the
BOU! that is within these, which enchants us by looks and
words, earnestness, and joy, and sorrow. The men
admire us the more they suppose those virtues of the
mind to exist in us which the outside promises; and we
think a malicious man disagreeable, however graceful
and handsome he may be. Let a young maiden, then,
who would preserve her beauty, preserve but that purity
of soul, those sweet qualities of the mind, those virtues,
in short, by which she first drew her lover to her feet.
And the best preservative of virtue, to render it unchang
ing and keep it ever young, is religion, that inward
union with the Deity and eternity and faith is piety,
that walking with God, so pure, so peaceful, so beneficent
to mortals.

"See, dear heart," continued the aunt, "there are
virtues which arise out of mere experience. These
grow old with time, and alter, because, by change of
circumstances and inclination, prudence alters her means
of action, and because her growth does not always keep
pace with that of our years and passions. But religious
virtues can never change ; these remain eternally the
same, because our God is always the same, and that
eternity the same, which we and those who love us are
hastening to enter. Preserve, then, a mind innocent



14 THE WIFE.

and pure, looking for everything from God ; thus will
that beauty of soul remain, for which thy bridegroom
to-day adores thee. I am no bigot, no fanatic ; I am
thy aunt of seven-and-twenty. I love all innocent and
rational amusements. But for this very reason I say to
thee be a dear, good Christian, and thou wilt as ;i
mother, yes, as a grandmother, be still beautiful."

Louise threw her arms .about her neck, and wept in
silence, and whispered, " I thank thee, angel !"



THE

ROSA LEE was dressed in her bridal garments, and
as she knelt in all the bloom of her maidenly beauty,
angels must have rejoiced over her ; for the spirit of the
maiden was in a heaven of love, and she knelt in the
fulness of her joy, to pour out her gratitude to the
Heavenly Father, that " seeth in secret." Yes, alone
in her chamber, the young girl bowed herself for the last
time, and as the thought flashed over her mind, that
when next she should kneel in that consecrated place, it
would not be alone, but that manly arms would bear up
her drooping form, and two voices would mingle as one
in the holy prayer, a gushing tenderness flooded the
heart of the beautiful bride, and light as from Heaven
pervaded her whole being, and she could only murmur,
*' Oh, how beautiful it is to iove !"

But bustling stops and voices approach; and Rosa



THE WIFE. 15

hears one step that sends a thrill to her heart. In the
next moment, the maiden with the rosy glow of love
upon her cheek, and the heaven-light yet beaming in her
eyes, stood face to face with her lover. Her eyes met
his, in that calm, confiding look of an unbounded
affection, and, as her hand rested on his arm, strength
seemed to flow into her from him, and she looked serene
and placid as pure water, that reflects the moonbeama
of heaven ; and yet, her smiles came and went like these
same waters when the ripples sparkle in the glad sun
shine.

The bridal party moved forward to the festive hall,
where sympathizing friends were gathered to greet them,
as a married pair, and the heart of Ilosa opened to the
holy marriage ceremony with a sense of heavenly
rapture.

To her it was as a new and beautiful revelation, when
she heard the oft-repeated words, " In the beginning
created He them male and female." Ah, yes. It wag

' mf

beautiful to realize that she was created for her beloved
Paul, and that in all the vast peopled universe of God,
there was not another being so adapted to him as she
was.

Ah, this was the beautiful marriage joy, that earth so
seldom witnesses. These were of "those whom God
hath joined together." And Paul Cleves felt it in his
inmost soul, as he turned towards his congratulating
friends with his delicate and beautiful bride leaning upon
his arm.

Ah, how he watched every vibration of her feelings '
suddenly she had become the pulse of his own souL Ai



16 THE WIFE.

a maiden, he had loved her with a wondrous tenderness
and devotion. But now, as a wife ! There was at once
a new and quite different relation established between
them.

Paul was so filled with this new perception of blessed
ness, that he would fain have left the gay company, that
he might pour out the beautiful thought that possessed
him, to gladden the heart of Rosa ; and when he looked
his wish to her, she smiled, and whispered to him,
*' Eternity is ours, and we are not to live for ourselves
alone." And here was a new mystery to him. She
was revealed to him as another self, with power to read
his every thought. And yet it was a better self, for she
prompted him to disinterested acts ; and away went the
glad Paul to shower his attentions upon all those to
whom life came not so joyously. And an aged grand
mother, and a palsied aunt, almost feared that the
handsome bridegroom had forgotten his fair bride, in his
warm and kindly interest for them.

Happy Paul ! he had found an angel clothed in flesh
and blood, who was for ever to stand between him and
his old hard, selfish nature. Something of this thought
passed through his mind, as his eyv, glanced over the
crowd in search of his beloved and beautiful one. But
she, on the other side, was quite near. He felt her soft
presence, and as he turned he caught the light of her
loving smile.

Yes, she appreciated his self-sacrifice, and, as he
gazed upon her, his delighted mind and satisfied heart
felt a delicious sense of the coming joy of the eternal
future.



THE WIFE. 17

And the gay bridal passed away, but its light and its
joy seemed to overflow all the coming days. And Paul
Cleves at length found himself in that reality of which
lie had so often dreamed, and for which he had so
passionately yearned. Yes, he was in his own quiet
home, with Rosa by his side.

Months had passed ; he had settled into the routine
of his business, and she in that of her domestic life ; and
now it was evening. Paul had come to his home from
the labours of the day, with a beautiful hope in his
heart ; for to him his home was the open door of Heaven.
He carried into it no hard, selfish thought, but entered
it with the certainty of blessedness, and peace, and love.

Rosa's heart was in her eyes, when it was time for
Paul to come. How carefully she foresaw his every
want ! And when she had prepared everything that her
active love could suggest to promote his pleasure and
comfort, then she took her place at the window to watch
for his coming. This evening watch was a beautiful
time to the young wife, for she said, " Now, will I think
of God, who made for me a being to love." And at this
time, it was always as if the great sun of Heaven shone
upon her.

And now, Paul passes the bridge, to which Rosa's eye can

but just reach. And is it not wonderful ? Paul's figure

is distinguished, even if there be many others, in the dim

twilight, crossing that bridge. Ah ! how well she knows

his figure ; to her it is the very form of her love. She

gees her whole thoughts and desires embodied in him.

y And now, he passes the corner of a projecting building,

vdiich for a time partially conceals him from her sight.

2



18 THE WIFE.

And how her delight increases as he approaches ; th
nearer he comes, the more her heart opens to the Divino
sun of Heaven. She feels as if she could draw its radia
tions down upon him. She waits at the window to catch
his first glad look of recognition, then she flies to the
door, and no sooner is it opened and closed again, than
Paul clasps her to his heart, and presses upon her warm
lips such kisses as can join heart to heart.

The evening meal being over, then Paul turns to his
peculiar delight to listening to Rosa's thoughts and
feelings. All day, he hears of worldly things ; but with
Rosa he hears of heavenly things. Her heart feeds upon
his thoughts, and assimilates them into new and gracefxJ
forms of feminine beauty, and Paul sits and listens, ful]
of love and wonder, to his own thoughts, reproduce-.! by
the vivid perceptive powers of his wife. For instance,
this morning Paul was reading in the Bible, as he always
does to Rosa, before he leaves for his business, and he
paused on the words, " Then Abraham gave up the
ghost, and died in a good old age, and full of years, and
was gathered to his people ;" and he remarked that in
this verse there was a most striking affirmation of a
future existence ; for that Abraham being gathered to
" his people," must imply that these people yet lived, or
why should mention be made of that fact ? And now, in
this beautiful evening hour, when Paul asked Rosa what
she had been thinking of all day, behold she had a whole
Heaven-world to open before him. With her arms
clasped around his neck, and her clear, bright eyes
looking into his, she answered

" Oh, Paul, I have been so happy all day. Do you



THE WIFE. 19

remember what you told me about Abraham being gath
ered to ' his people' this morning ? Well, I have been
thinking about it, with such a delight in the thought of
those living people, to whom we will be gathered after
death. You left me wi*h a beautiful thought, dear Paul,
and it seemed as if the angels gathered around me, and
told me so many more things, that I have written all my
thoughts down."

"Where are they?" said Paul, feeling such a delight
in the possession of these written thoughts. And Rosa,
drawing a paper from her pocket, leans her cheek upon
his head, and reads :

" ' Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a
good old age, and full of years, and was gathered to hia
people.' How beautiful is this verse of the holy Word
of God ! It seems to open to us a glimpse of Heaven.

" After death, we are told, that he was * gathered to
his people.' What a blessed rest and enjoyment comes
over us, even in this world, when we find ourselves with
'our people !'

" When congenial spirits meet, all strife and conten
tion ceases ; and how each hastens to give to the othe
of the fulness of his thought and feeling ! Such mo
ments in our life are as if Heaven had come down to us,
and fleeting and transient as the moment may be, its
memory lives with us as a heavenly light, fed from above;
and ^rben we realize a continued existence of the har
mony of thought and feeling of an ever-flowing commu
nication of pure sentiments, of kindly affections, and of
that delight in perceiving good and truth in others, which
makes them one with us, then we have a glimpse of



20 THE WIFE.

that Heaven to which Abraham ascended, and in which
}.e was 'gathered to his people.'

"I love to read this verse, and imagine what the an
gels would think if they could hear the words as I read
them. And, truly, although angels do not hear through
our gross material atmosphere, can they not see the image
of what we read in our minds ? It is beautiful to think
that they can ; and it is pleasant to conceive ho\> an an
gelic, perfectly spiritual mind would understand these
words, 'And Abraham gave up the ghost.' The angels
would see that the spirit of Abraham had laid off that
gross material covering, which was not the real man
only the appearance of a man. To angels, this body,
which appears to us so tangible, must be but the ghost
of a reality, for to them the spirit is the reality.

" With us, in this outer existence, the laying off of
the body is death, that symbol of annihilation ; it is as
if our life ceased, because we no longer grasp coarse
material nature. But with the angels, the laying off of
the body is birth ; it is the beginning of a beautiful, new
existence. The spirit then moves and acts in a spiritual
world of light and beauty. It no longer moves dimly
in that dark, material world which is as but a lifeless,
ghostly counterpart of the living, eternal spirit-world.

" Thus, it seems to me, the angels would understand
the words, ' And Abraham gave up the ghost.' And
the words which follow would have for them a far differ
ent signification than to us. For with us ' old age' pre
sents the idea of the gradual wasting away and deterio-
rati :>n of the powers of the body ; it is the shadow from
the darkened future, foretelling the end of life. But



i



THE WIFE. 21

angels see the spirit advancing from one state of wisdom
to another, and to grow old in Heaven must be altoge
thcr different from growing old on earth; and we ca
only conceive of a spirit as growing for ever more act
ive, intelligent, and beautiful, from the heavenly wisdom


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