Thomas Dekker.

The guls hornbook : and The belman of London in two parts online

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the best trades that are taught in hell, laying
them open to the broad eye of the world, making
them infamous, odious, and ridiculous : yea, and
not satisfied with dooing this wrong to his divell-
ship, very spitefully hath hee set them out in
print, drawing their pictures so to the life, that
now a horse-stealer shall not shew his head, but
a halter with the Hang-mans noose is ready to
bee fastened about it : A Foyst nor a Nip shall
not walke into a Fayre or a Play-house, but
everie cracke will cry looke to your purses : nor a
poore common Rogue come to a mans doore, but
he shall be examined if he can cant ? It this
Baulling fellow therefore have not his mouth
stop'd, the light Angels that are coynd below,
will never bee able to passe as they have done,


but be naild up for counterfeits. Hell will have Thesyna
no dooings, and the devill be no-body. gogue oi'"

This was the lyning of the Letter, and this ^ ^"
Letter drave them al to a Non-plus^ because they
knew not how to answere it. But at last advice
was taken, the Court brake up, the Tearme was
adjourn'd, (by reason that the Hell-houndes
were thus Plagu'd) and a common counsell in
hell was presently called how to redres these

The Sathanicall Synagogue being set, up
startes the Father of Hell and Damnation^ and
looking verrie terribly with a paire of eies that
stared as wide as the mouth gapes at Bishops-
gate, fetching foure or five deep sighes (which
were nothing else but the Smoke of fire and
brimstone boyling in his stomacke, and shewed
as if hee were taking tobacco, which he often
times does) tolde his children and servants (and
the rest of the citizens that dwelt within / the
freedome of Hel, and sat there before him
upon narow low formes) that they never had
more cause to lay their heads together, and to grow
pollititians. Hee and they all knew, that from
the Corners of the earth, some did everie houre
in a day creepe forth, to come and serve him :
yea, that many thousands were so bewitched with
his favours, and his rare partes, that they would
come running quick to him ; his dominions (he
said) were great and full of people ; Emperors
and Kings, (in infinit numbers) were his slaves :
his court was ful of Princes ; if the world were
divided (as some report) but into three parts, two
of those three were his : or if (as others affirme)


First into foure parts, [in] almost three of that foure
proposal had hee firme footing.

But if such a fellow as a treble voic'd Bel-
man, should be suffered to pry into the infernal
Misteries, and into those Black Arts which
command the spirits of the Deep, and having
sucked what knowledge he can from them, to
turne it al into poison, and to spit it in the verie
faces of the professors, with a malicious intent to
make them appeare uglv and so to grow hatefull
and out of favor with the world : if such a
conjurer at midnight should dance in their circles
and not be driven out of them, hell in a few
yeares would not bee worth the dwelling in.
The great Lord of Limbo did therefore com-
maund all his Blacke Guard that stood about
him, to bestirre them in their places, and to
defend the Court wherein they lived : threatning
(besides) that his curse, and all the plagues of
stmking hel shold fall upon his officers, servants,
and subjects, unlesse they either adviz'd him,
how, or take some speedy order themselves to
punish that saucy intelligencer, the Bel-man of
London. Thus he spake and then sat.

At last, a foolish Devill rose up, and shot the
bolt of his advice, which flew thus farre, That
the Black-dogge of New-gate should againe bee
let loose, and a farre off, follow the Balling Bel-
man, to watch into what places hee went, and
what deedes of darkenesse (everie night) / hee
did. Hinc risus ! The whole Synodicall
assemblv, fell a laughing at this Wise-acre, so
that neither he nor his Blacke-Dogge durst barke
any more.


Another, thinking to cleave the verrie pinne The
with his arrow, drew it home to the head of decision
Wisdome (as he imagined) ; and yet that lighted ^'"''^^^^ ^*
wide too. But thus shot his Counsell, that the
Ghosts of all those theeves. Cheaters, and others
of the damned crew, (who by the Bel-mans dis-
coverie, had bene betraied, were taken and sent
westward) should bee fetched from those fields
of Horror, where everie night they walke,
disputing with Doctor Story, who keepes them
company there in his corner Cap : and that those
wry-neck'd spirits should have charge given them
to haunt the Bel-man in his walkes, and so
fright him out of his wittes. This Devill for
all his roaring, went away neither with a
Plaudit e, nor with a hisse : Others step'd up,
some pronouncing one verdict some another :
But at the last, it beeing put into their Divelish
heads, that they had no power over him farther
then what shold be given unto them, it was
concluded and set downe as a rule in Court, that
some one strange spirit, who could transport
himselfe into all shapes, should be sent uppe to
London, and scorning to take revenge uppon so
meane a person as a Bel-ringer, should thrust
himselfe into such companyes, (as in a warrant
to bee signed for that purpose) should bee
nominated : and beeing once growne familiar
with them, hee was to worke and winne them
by all possible meanes to fight under the dismall
and blacke collours of the Grand Sophy, (his
Lord and Master) ; the fruite that was to grow
uppon this tree of evill, would bee greate, for it
should bee fit to bee served up to Don Lucifers

iqs lanthorne and candle-light

Pamer- Table, as a new banqueting Dish, sithence all

siel s j^jg other meates, (though they fatted him well)
mission ^ \ a J /

were grown stale.

Hereupon Pamersiell the Messenger was
called, a passport was drawne, signed and de-
livered to him, with certaine instruments how to
carry himselfe in this travell. / And thus much
was openly spoken to him by word of mouth.

Fly, Pameniel, with speede to the great and
populous citie in the West : winde thy selfe into
all shapes : bee a Dogge (to fawne) a Dragon
(to confound) bee a Dove (seeme innocent) bee
a Devill (as thou art) and shew that thou art a
Journeyman to hel. Build rather thy nest amongst
zvillozues that bend everie way, then on tops of
Oakes^ whose hearts are hard to be broken : Fly
with the Sivalloiv, close to ye earth, when
stormes are at hand, but keep company with
Birdes of greater tallants^ when the weather is
cleare, and never leave them till they looke like
Ravens : creepe into bosoms that are buttond
up in sattin and there spred the wings of thine
infection : make everie head thy pillow to leane
upon, or use it like a Mill, onely to grinde
mischiefe. If thou meetst a Dutchman^ drinke
with him : if a Frenchman, stab : if a Spaniard,
betray : if an Italian poyson : if an Englishman
doe all this.

Haunt Taverns, there thou shalt finde
prodigalls : pay thy two-pence to a Player, in
his gallerie maist thou sitte by a Harlot : at
Ordinaries maist thou dine with silken fooles :
when the day steales out of the world, thou shalt
meete rich drunkards, under welted gownes


search for threescore in the hundred, hiiggc Advice to
those golden villaines, they shine bright, and Pamer-
will make a good shew in hell, shriek with a ^
cricket in the brezo-kouse^ and watch how they
conjure there : Ride up and down Smith-field^
and play the Jade there : Visit prisons, and
teach Jaylors how to make nets of Iron there :
binde thy selfe Prentice to the best trades : but
if thou canst grow extreame ritch in a very short
time (honestly) I banish thee my kingdome,
come no more into hell : I have red thee a
lecture, followe it, farewell.

No sooner was farewell spoken, but the spirit
to whom all these matters were given in charge
vanished : the cloven footed Orator arose, and
the whole assembly went about their damnable


How Gentlemen are cheated at Ordinaries.


The Divels foote-man was very nimble of his
heeles (for no wilde-Irish man could out-runne
him), and therefore in a few houres, was he
come up to London : the miles betweene Hell
and any place upon earth being shorter then
those betweene London and Sainte Albones, to
any man that travels from thence thither, or to
any Lackey that comes from hence hether on
the Devils errands : but to any other poore


Advice soule, that dwells in those low countries, they
of Pride ^j-g never at an end, and by him are not possible
to bee measured.

No sooner was he entred into the Cittie, but
hee met with one of his Maisters daughters
called Pride, drest like a Marchants wife, who
taking acquaintance of him, and understanding
for what hee came, tolde him, that the first
thing hee was to doe, hee must put himselfe in
good cloathes, such as were sutable to the
fashion of the time, for that here, men were
look'd uppon onely for their outsides : he that
had not ten-pounds worth of wares in his shop,
would carry twentie markes on his back : that
there were a number of sumpter-horses in the
citty, who cared not how coursely they fed, so
they might weare gay trappings : yea, that some
pied fooles, to put on satin and velvet h\ix.foure
daies in the yeare did often-times undoe them-
selves, wives and Children ever after. The
spirit of the Devils Buttry hearing this, made a
legge to Pride for her counsell, and knowing by
his owne experience that everie Taylor hath his
hell to himselfe, under his Shop-board, (where
he dammes new Sattin) amongst them he thought
to finde best welcome, and therefore into
B urchin-lane hee stalkes verie mannerly. Pride
going along with him, and taking the upper

No / sooner was he entred into the rankes of
the Linnen Armorers, (whose weapons are
Spanish needles) but he was most terribly and
sharpely set uppon : everie prentice boy had a
pull at him : he feared they all had bin


Serjeants, because they all had him by the back : The tailor
never was poore devil so tormented in hell, as loses his
he was amongst them : he thought it had bene ^°."'
Saint Thomas his day, and that he had bene called
upon to be Constable ; there was such balling in
his eares : and no strength could shake them off,
but that they must shewe him some suites of
apparell, because they saw what Gentlewoman
was in his company (whom they all knew).
Seeing no remedie, into a shop he goes, was
fitted bravely, and beating the price, found the
lowest to be unreasonable, yet paide it, and
departed, none of them (by reason of their
crowding about him befor) perceiving what
customer they had met with ; but now the
Taylor spying the devill, suffered him to go,
never praying that he wold know the shop
another time, but looking round about his ware-
house if nothing were missing, at length he found
that he had lost his conscience : yet remembring
himselfe, that they who deale with the divel,
can hardly keepe it, he stood upon it the lesse.

The fashions of an Ordinarie.

The Stigtan traveller beeing thus translated
into an accomplish'd gallant, with all acoutre-
ments belonging (as a fether for his head, gilt
rapier for his sides, and new boots to hide his
polt foote) ; for in Bed-lam hee met with a
shoemaker, a mad slave, that knew the length
of his last ; it rested, onely that now he was to
enter uppon company sutable to his cloathes : and
knowing that your most selected Gallants are


The fiend the onelye table-men that are p-aid with al at
at an Ordinaries^ into an Ordinary did he most
^ gentleman like, convay himselfe in state.

It seemed that al who came thether, had
clocks in their bellies, for they all struck into
the dyning roome much about the very minute
of feeding. Our Cavalier had all the / eyes
(that came in) throwne upon him, (as beeing a
stranger : for no Ambassador from the divell
ever dined amongst them before,) and he asmuch
took especiall notes of them. In observing of
whom and of the place, he found, that an
Ordinary was the only Rendevouz for the most
ingenious, most terse, most travaild, and most
phantastick gallant : the very Exchange for
newes out of al countries : the only Booke-sellers
shop for conference of the best Editions, that if
a woman (to be a Lady) would cast away
herself upon a knight^ there a man should heare
a Catalogue of most of the richest London
widowes : and last, that it was a schoole where
they were all fellowes of one Forme, and that a
country gentleman was of as great comming as
ye proudest Justice that sat there on the bench
above him : for he that had the graine of the
table with his trencher, payed no more then he
that plac'd himself beneath the salt.

The divels intelligencer could not be contented
to fill his eye onely with these objects, and to
feed his belly with delicate cheere : But hee
drew a larger picture of all that were there, and
in these coUours.

The voider having clcered the table, Cardes
and Dice (for the last Messe) are served up to the


Loord ; they that are ful of coyne, draw : they Cares

that have little, stand by and give ayme : they ^^^ dice

^huffie and cut on one side : the bones rattle on

the other : long have they not plaide, but othes

fly up and down the roome like haile-shot : if

the pooie dumb dice be but a little out of square,

the pox and a thousand plagues breake their neckes

out at window : presently after, the foure knaves

are sent packing the same way, or els (like

heretikes are) condemned to be burnt.

In this battaile of Cardes and Dice^ are severall
Regiments and severall Officiers.

They that sit downe to play, are at first cald

They that lose, are the Forlorn e Hope.

He that winnes all, is the Eagle.

He that stands by and Ventures, is the Wood-

The fresh Gallant that is fetcht in, is the Gull.

Hee that stands by, and lends, is the Gull'

The I Gull-groper.

This Gul-groper is commonly an old Mony-
monger, who having travaild through all the
follies of the world in his youth, knowes them
well, and shunnes them in his age ; his whole
felicitie being to fill his bags with golde and silver,
hee comes to an Ordinary, to save charges of
house-keeping, and will eate for his two shillings,
more meate then will serve three of the guard at
a dinner, yet sweares hee comes thether onely for
the company, and to converse with travailers. Its


"he gull- a Gold-Finch that sildome flies to these
^!rf?h^ Ordinary Nests, without a hundred or two
22 hundred pound in twenty shilling peeces about
him. After the tearing of some seaven paire of
Cardes, or the damning of some ten baile of Dice,
steps hee upon the Stage, and this part he playes.
If any of the Forlorne Hope bee a Gentleman of
meanes, either in Esse or in Posse, (and that the
olde Fox will bee sure to know to halfe an Acre,)
whose money runnes at a low ebbe, as may
appeare by his scratching of the head, and walk-
ing up and downe the roome, as if he wanted an
Ostler : The Gull-groper takes him to a side
window and tels him, bee's sorry to see his hard
luck, but the Dice are made of womens bones,
and will cozen any man, yet for his father's sake
(whom he hath knowne so long) if it please him,
he shall not leave off play for a hundred pound or
two. If my yong Estrich gape to swallow downe
this mettall (and for the most part they are very
greedy, having such provender set before them, then
is the gold powred on the board, a Bond is made
for repaiment, at the next quarter day when
Exhibition is sent in : and because it is all gold,
and cost so much the changing. The Scrivener
(who is a whelpe of the old Mastives owne
breeding) knows what words will bite, which thus
he fastens upon him, and in this Nette the Gull
is sure to be taken (howsoever :) for if he fall to
play againe, and loose, the hoary Goat-bearded
Satyre that stands at his elbow, laughes in / his
sleeve : if his bags be so recovered of their

Falling-sicknes, that they be able presently to
repay the borrowed gold, then Monsieur Gul-


groper steales away of purpose to avoide the The gull's
receipt of it ; he hath fatter Chickens in hatch- after
ing : tis a fayrer marke he shootes at. For the career
day being come when the bond growes due, the
within named Signior Avaro will not be within :
or if he be at home, he hath wedges enough in
his pate, to cause the bond to bee broken, or
else a little before the day, he feeds my young
Maister with such sweet words, that surfetting
upon his protestations, hee neglects his paiment,
as presuming hee may do more. But the Law
having a hand in the forfeiture of the bond, laies
presently hold of our yong Gallant with the
helpe of a couple of Serjeants, and just at such a
time when old Erra Pater (the Jew) that lent
him the money, knowes by his owne Prognostica-
tion, that the Moone with the silver face is with
him in the waine. Nothing then can free him out
of the fangs of those bloud-hounds, but he
must presently confesse a judgment, for so much
money, or for such a Manor or Lordship (three
times worth the bond forfeited) to be paid or to
be entred upon by him, by such a day, or
within so many moneths after he comes to his
land. And thus are young heires cozend out
of their Acres, before they well know where they

ITje Wood-pecker.

The Wood-pecker is a bird that sits by upon a
perch too ; but is nothing so dangerous, as this
Vulture spoken of before. He deales altogether
upon Returnes, (as men do that take three for


How the one, at their comming back from Jerusalem, &c.)
^°k r ^°^ having a Jewell, a Clock, a Ring with a
scores I^i^^nond, or any such like commoditie, he
notes him well that commonly is best acquainted
with the Dice, and hath ever good luck : to
him he offers his prize, rating it at ten or
fifteene pound, when happily tis not worth above
six, and for it he bargaines to receive five shil-
lings or ten shillings (according as it is in value) at
every / hand, second, third, or fourth hand he
drawes : by which means he perhaps in a short
time, makes that yeeld him forty or fifty pound,
which cost not halfe twenty. Many of these
Merchant venturers saile from Ordinary to
Ordinary, being sure alwayes to make saving
Voiages, when they that put in ten times
more then they, are for the most part

The Gull,

Now if either The Leaders^ or The Forlorne
Hope^ or any of the rest, chance to heare of a
yong Fresh-water soldier that never before
followed these strange warres, and yet hath a
Charge newly given him (by the old fellow
Soldado Vecchio his father, when Death had
shotte him into the Grave) of some ten or
twelve thousand in ready money, besides so
many hundreds a yeare : first are Scoutes sent
out to discover his Lodging : that knowne,
some lie in ambush to note what Apothecaries
shop hee resorts too every morning, or in what
Tobacco-shop in Fleet-street he takes a pipe


of Smoake in the afternoone : that fort which How to
the Puny holds, is sure to be beleaguerd by the catch a
whole troope of the old weather beaten Gallants : ^"
amongst whom some one, whose wit is thought
to be of a better block for his head, than the
rest, is appointed to single out our Novice, and
after some foure or five dayes spent in Comple-
ment, our heire to seaven hundred a yeare is
drawne to an Ordinary, into which he no
sooner enters, but all the old-ones in that Nest
flutter about him, embrace, protest, kisse the
hand. Conge to the very garter, and in the end
(to shew that hee is no small foole, but that
he knows his father left him not so much monie
for nothing,) the yong Cub sufl^ers himselfe to
be drawne to the stake : to flesh him, Fortune
and the Dice (or rather the False-dice, that
coozen Fortune, and make a foole of him too)
shall so favor him, that he marches away from
a battaile or two, the onely winner. But after-
wards, let him play how warily soever he can,
the damned Dice shall crosse / him, and his silver
crosses shall blesse those that play against him :
for even they that seeme deerest to his bosome,
shall first be ready, and be the formost to enter
with the other Leaders into conspiracy, how
to make spoile of his golden bags. By such
ransacking of Cittizens sonnes wealth, the
Leaders maintaine themselves brave, the
Forlorne-hope, that droop'd before, does now
gallantly come on. The Eagle fethers his nest,
the Wood-pecker pickes up his crums, the Gull-
groper growes fat with good feeding : and the
Gull himselfe, at whom every one has a Pull,


Letters hath in the end scarce fethers enough to kcepe
to hell his owne back warme.

The Post-maister of Hell, seeing such
villanies to go up and downe in cloakes lin'd
cleane through with Velvet, was glad he had
such newes to send over, and therefore seaHng
up a letter full of it, delivered the same to
tilthy-bearded Charon (their owne Water-man)
to be convaide first to the Porter of Hell, and
then (by hira) to the Maister Keeper of the

Of Ferreting.

The Manner of undooing Gentlemen by
taking up of commodities.


Hunting is a noble, a manly, and a healthful! The noble

exercise ; it is a very true picture of warre, fpo^'v °^

. .' • •: ir r • hunting:

nay it is a war in it selfe ; for engines are *'

brought into the field, stratagems are contrived,

ambushes are laide, onsets are given, allarums

struck up, brave incounters are made, fierce

assailings are resisted by strength, by courage or

by pollicy : the enemy is pursued, and the

Pursuers never give over till they have him in

execution : then is a Retreat sounded, then are

spoiles divided, then come they home wearied,

but yet crowned with honor and victory.

And as in battailes there be severall maners of

fight : so in the pastime of hunting, there are

severall degrees of game. Some hunt the /

Lion, and that shewes as when subjects rise in

Armes against their King : Some hunt the

Unicorne for the treasure on his head, and they

are like covetous men, that care not wnome

o 209


Different they kill for riches : some hunt the Spotted
kinds of Panther and the freckled Leopard, they are
game g^^j^ ^^ ^^ injoy their pleasures, regard not how
blacke an intamy stickes upon them : All these
are barbarous and unnaturall Huntsmen for
they range up and downe the Deserts, the
Wildernes, and inhabitable Mountaines.

Others pursue the long lived Hart, the
couragious Stag or the nimble footed Deere :
these are the Noblest hunters, and they exercise
the Noblest game : these by following the
Chace get strength of body, a free and undis-
quited minde, magnanimity of spirit, alacrity of
heart and an unwearisomnesse to breake through
the hardest labours : their pleasures are not
insatiable but are contented to be kept within
limits, for these hunt within Parkes inclosed, or
within bounded Forrests. The Hunting of the
Hare teaches feare to be bould, and puts
simplicity so to her'shifts, that she growes cunning
and provident : the turnings and crosse windings
that she makes, are embleames of this lifes un-
certainty : when she thinkes she is furdest from
danger, it is at her hceles, and when it is nerest
to her, the hand of safety defends her. When
she is wearied and has runne her race, she takes
her death patiently, onely to teach man, that he
should make himselfe redy, when the grave
gapes for him.

All these kinds of hunting are abroad in the
open field, but there is a close citty hunting onely
within the walls, that pulles downe Parkes, layes
open forrests, destroies Chaces, woundes the
Deere of the land, and make^sj such havocke


-LIGHT 211

of the goodliest Heards, that by i^ .., ^^^

(who are the rangers,) none should be lei^^. ' seasons
but the Rascalls : This kinde of hunting . for ferret-
base, and ignoble. It is the meanest, yet the ''i^^^^S
most mischievous, and it is called Ferreting. To
behold a course or two at this, did the light
horseman of Hell one day leape into the

City / -Hunting,

This Ferret- Hunting hath his Seasons as other
games have, and is onely followed at such a
time of yeare, when the Gentry of our kingdome
by riots, having chased them-selves out of the

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Online LibraryThomas DekkerThe guls hornbook : and The belman of London in two parts → online text (page 12 of 18)