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The Siren (Volume 4 1914-1915) online

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THE UNIVERSITY


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OF ILLINOIS




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EDMUND J. JAMES






War Extra
Mobilization Call

All Able Bodied
Illinois students are

commanded to
assemble immedi- TKK™«Y::m

JUL 2 1 1931

ately at old .v.cn.mn<;

•^ UNIVERSITY OF ILLINO.S

FORT CO-OP.

Bargains are running wild and must
be captured.

GENERAL BUSINESS
Army of Illini

FORT CO-OP.



Neutrality Strictly Observed

We will sell to anyone



\ 1



Classified List of Advertisers



PAGE NO.
BARBERS: —

G. C. Ehrgott 38

Gaston 1^

Hemerick ^

BOOK STORES:—

The Co-op 1

D. H. Lloydes 42

CONFECTIONEERS:—

Bradley *

Harris & Mead 35

Reimund 36

Shewalter 47

Vriner '• ^^

"White and Gold 43

CLEANERS AND DYERS:—

Senders 1"*

Woodies 9

CIGARETTES AND TOBACCO: —

Fatima Inside back cover

Velvet 15

CLOTHIERS AND HABERDASHERRS:—

Anderson & Brothers 3

Cluett, Peabody & Co Back cover

Gray 14

Gulick Inside front cover

Lawder 42

Marshall 5

Walker & Hartman 48

Walker 13

Zombro 46

DRUGS:—

Leslie 41

Spaulding 4S

GROCERIES: —

Hegenbart & Co 40

Quality Store 42

Stoltey 48

Webster 10

JEWELERS:—

R. L. Bowman 48

J. C. Bowman 3

Maurer 34

J. O. Smith 44

Wuesteman 11

LAUNDRIES: —

Soft Water 47

Urbana Steam 45

POOL AND BILLIARDS:

Cavanaugh 3

Leseure's 16

Rock & Newman 5

Roysdon 47



PAGE NO.

PRINTERS: —

Munhall 6

University Press 44

Urbana Courier 14

The Times 13

PHOTOGRAPHERS:—

Higgins 36

Renne 43

Stevens 45

Strauch 45

PAINTS AND SUPPLIES: —

Bacon Bros 37

Williams Bros 39

RESTAURANTS:—

Peterson H.

Smith 44

Stuart 4

Titewads 45

SHOES:

W. W. Paul 13

J. C. Taylor 11

SHOE REPAIRING: —

Hill 40

La Sell 41

Simon 46

THEATRES: —

Colonial 8

Lyric 40

Orpheum 12

Park 10

TRANSFER COMPANIES: —

Chester 8

O'Bryne 13

Shobe 45

MISCELLANEOUS: —

Aibrams 7

Amsbary 6

Beardsley 37

Citizens State Bank 8

Doyle 3

Glascock 38

Ideal Electric Co 37

Illinois Traction System 36

Johnson 36

Kiler 43

McKinley 9

McWilliams & Gleim 7

Morgan Rug Co 6

Dr. C. T. Moss 34

New York Life Ins. Co 16

National Engraving Co 14

Star Lecture Course 34

Stoltey's Garage 48

Twin City Creamery 10

Wagner 9



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Illinois Billiard Hall

NUFF SED

Hickory Court



C. E. Cavenaugh, Prop



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J



RODGERS' PEET CO.

make of Fall Ap-
parel for men and
young men. W^e
are showing a diver-
sified range ot cor-
rect Fall styles in
foreign and domes-
tic weaves. HATS
TOO! All the new
styles for Fall.

The Atwood Store

104 W. Madison St., near Clark



On the classic Zuyder Zee
Keeper of the dikes is he.
Nights, when time comes for to sup.
Good wife makes him all Dyke up.

Though the tale seems sad to us,
'Tisn't so redikeulous
When 'tis known that both alike
Answer to the name Van Dyke.

— Jester.

n n s n n

Soph: Did you hear about the aw-
ful accident.

Frosh: No, what?

Soph: A rough had his eye on a
girl's ankle, and she twisted it.

— Chapparral.

n □ s D D

Bill: Say, I'm feeling pretty poor
today.

Bob: Why, what's the matter?
Bill: I feel like a fox terrier's tall.
Bob: How's that?
Bill: Oh, a bit off.

— Pelican.



TOS, C. BOWMAN. Jeweler
has an enviable reputa-
tion for quality and value-
giving. The selection at this
shop is always a matter of
particular pains and care.
The gift buyer reaps the re-
sult.

JOS. C. BOWMAN

Jeweler
Watchmaker
Silversmith

Two Doors North of City Bld'g on Neil.

Champaign ." Illinois



Your ''Fussy'' Evening

Is not complete without a
Box of Candy

from the

Bradley

Arcade or No. 9 Main



BRADLEY

The Alamo Chilli Parlor

'The Home of Good Things to Eat"



iV



Bradley Arcade

Open from 6:30 A. M. to 12

I. D. STUART W. A. BOHNHORST



Young Men

Who value their future cannot afford to neglect
the help that comes from good tailoring.

Let us show you the advantage of ordering that tailoring from us.
We represent A. E. Anderson Sc Company, Chicago, and we know
that their work is unusually good. Their line is so complete that you
can easily Jind a fabric to please you at a price that is reasonable, and
they guarantee perfect fit, materials and workmanship. $18.00 to $45.00.

Also showing the New and Neat Fall Furnishings,

FRED G. MARSHALL

Tailoring and Furnishings Bradley Arcade



ARCADE



Say Meet Us !
Where ?



WHY AT ROCKSIES

OF COURSE

WHERE THE BUNCH

GOES



ARCADE BILLIARD &
BOWLING PARLORS

ROCK & NEWMAN, Props.



When in need of

HAIR CUTS

go to Harry's and
get the best

The best hne of Razors and Strops for sale

ARCADE
BARBER SHOP

HARRY HAMRICK, Prop.



iSS



Munhall Printing House

The Students' Printers
18 Taylor Street Champaign



Society and Commercial Printing

Copper-Plate Printing

Steel Dies to Order— Designs

Furnished Free



Attention Commissaries!



'Bout Face! Cut Rates! Why Pay Nore?

You are facing a problem this fall. The much talk-
ed of high cost of living is a stem reality. You want, of
course, to make a good showing. Mr. Amsbary of the
Amsbary stores in Urbana personally invites you to
consult him; let him help you to give your people the
best at a moderate price. We deliver the goods and will
open monthly accounts with reliable clubs and fraterni-
ties.

Right now is the time to get lined up with a good
grocery concern.

Urbana is out of the "lunks" — you never saw great-
er improvements in any town than the past six months
in Urbana.

Siren readers will do well to try our men's furn-
ishing department.

F. E. AMSBARY



She froze him with her glance,

She pierced him with her eye.
She cut him with her sharp edged tongue,

And left him there to die.

She fanned him with her breath.

She bathed him with her sighs,
She kissed him with her cruel lips.

And bade the dead to rise.

She turned her heart to stone

Her eyes were stony, too;
She threw a stony word at him.

Which broke his ribs right thru.

She took his busted Derby

And patched it up like new,
Then threw it in a bed of coals,

To see what it would do.

— The Penn State Froth.

n □ s n □

A man who had never been duck hunting, shot at a
duck in the air. The duck fell dead to the ground.

"Well, you got him!" exclaimed the amateur's friend.

"Yes," replied the amateur," but I might have saved
the ammunition the fall would have killed him."

— Boston Post.

n D s n n

Back in Shakespeare's day it was fashionable to cuss,
"Oh hell-kite!" That was before the days of air-ships in
war, too.



FURNITURE

RUGS

Fine line of Student Tables, Mat-
tresses, Book Racks, in fact every-
thing for Students.
Rugs of All Kinds. See our line;
See our prices.

WE WILL CLEAN YOUR RUGS

Morgan Rug Mfg. Co.

200 N. Walnut, Just North
First Nat'l Bank Bid., Champaign



Oh, Skin nay!

Yoo-hoo

Cmon over. Pa bought me one of those type-
writer bargains, Abrams is advertising

IJl^ SAMX ABRAMS

Typewriters

912 E- Green St, Champaign





Co=eds Attention

Our shop showing the very latest creations in

Fall Milinery

— —— —— 3—— — a— 1— —— ■— — B^M^ll— IW

is open to your inspection

McWILLIAMS & GLEIM

The Exclusive Hat Shop




COLONIAL THEATRE

HIGH CLASS PHOTOPLAYS

Matinee Daily, 2—5 URBANA Night, 7—10:30



Presenting Only The Best of American And European
Photoplay Attractions

Bio^raph, Edison, Kalem, Lubin, Pathe,
Selig, Vitagraph and Kleine

Program Changed Daily -:- Feature Every Day



Headquarters for

Students Hardware



JOHN H. DOYLE

Next to First National Bank
CHAMPAIGN



"They say that money talks in New York."
"Yes, all New Yorkers live on the Sound."

n D s n D

THAT BALLED HIM.

Bin — "He"s a good for nothing chap, fairly lives on a
pool table."

Kins — "Not so bad, he picked out a soft place, anyway."
Bin — "How do you figure that?"
Kins — "Why the cushions."

a D S D D

MASSAGE 'IM ON DE COLD, COLD GROUND.

Down on the football field

Hear that mornful sound,
All the coaches, are a-runing

The captain hit the cold, cold ground

n D s n a

Nobody at home except Robinson Crusoe and he is
going to leave Friday.



The

Chester Transfer Co.



Solicits your



Baggage, Livery, Taxi-cab and
Carriage Work



The Citizens
State Bank

appreciates your patronage

Neil St. Champaign



Vote for
WILLIAM B.

Mckinley

For

Congress



Smith's Hotel
and Cafe

OPEN ALL NIGHT

Meal Tickets $5.00

Costs You $4.50

Catering Desired

Bradley Hall for Banquets
On Wright Street, Opposite Prexy's



General Teaming

Excavating
Contractor

COAL
COKE
WOOD

20 Teams. 9 Telephones

R. C. WAGNER & SON



He held the maidens hand and said,
May I the question pop?

She coyly bent her pretty head
You'd better question Pop.

— Cornell Widow.

n n s D n

TITANIC TO THE ICEBERG.

Love me, little girlie mine,
Love, and love, and love me;

Let me feel the youthful sun
Of love glow warm above me.

Love me, little girlie mine.
And say you love me true,

And if not, at least, dear heart,
Pretend you do!

— Coyote.



TO-



IN HER BATHING SUIT



I itnagined she was I)eautiful,
With a figure most supreme.

But 1 knew the wiles of women —
Things are never what they seem.

I saw her in her bathing suit,
Along the surf- tossed beach.

And again a woman fooled me.
For she really is a peach!

— Coyote.

9



WOODIE'S
PLACE

Try Woodie's

SANITARY METHOD

OF

PRESSING CLOTHES

at $L00 per month. Come in, let
us tell you about it.

504 E. Green Both Phones



IT IS



Absolutel y
Pure



A million persons who use

Marigold Oleomargarine

every day will tell you that. It is the purest
spread for bread. And it saves you 10c to 20c
a pound. Made in our modern sanitary churn-
eries and government inspected. Ask your
dealer for Marigold and see that you take no
substitute. If your grocer cannot supply you call

J. F. Webster & Co.



Bell 305



Auto 1536



GET TOGETHER.

Customer— See here, waiter, I found a button iu the
salad.

Waiter— Yes, sir; that's off the dressing.

—Tiger.

n D s n n

"Is she really musical?" "A genuine artist. You
should hear her refrain from singing."

—Life.

n D s D n

WATERED STOCK.

LitUe Boy— Please, sir, is that Lake Huron?
Old Gentleman-No, my boy, it's not mine. Whom do
you take me for, Rockefeller?

—Sun Dial.

n D s n D

OUCH!

Wit — Now here's a course I've spent more imv on
than any other in this university. It isn't such a hard
course, either, but —

Bit— Well, what is it?"

Wit— Golf course, naturally. — Tiger.

NOT THE GARDEN VARIETY.
Shopping Sue— I want to buy some hose.
Fresh Clerk — Madam, we haven't a hoe in the house.
Shopping Sue— Sir, I don't want hardware, I want
everwear. — Pelican.



BUY



Twin City Creamery Butter



ASK YOUR GROCER



See the world's best photo plays, in the finest photo play house

in America, in similar sized town




10



Taylor^s
Fall FootAvear

We are better equipped than ever
to fill your foot wants

$3.00, $3.50, $4.00, $4.50 and $5

RIGHT STYLES RIGHT PRICES

Wear with Every Pair



NEW SWANELL BLDG.

Across from the Lyric Treatre



Here End Your
Eye Glass Troubles



>A^Ws^ <*^'*==n£ t-*^^



A truly wonderful invention and a boon
to glass wearers — no getting loose of lenses —
no screws to tighten — always ready — Come
and let us show you the "Everlock" mount,
ings for Eye Glasses and Spectacles —
No obligation to buy

Wuesteman

Optician and Jeweler
"The Hallmark Store", Champaign, Ills.



The Olympia

Confectionery

Cor. Main and Market Sts. URBANA

FINE HOME MADE CANDIES

ICE CREAM AND ICES

We shall be glad to welcome you at our new
1914 confectionery. We will give you the best
service in light lunch.

Give your order for ice cream, we deliver to any
part in the twin cities. Both phones.

C. J. VRINER, Prop.



A CHANGE OF 'AIR.

Diner— Look, waiter: There's a gray hair in this soup!
Waiter — Ah, m'sieur is like me! M'sieur regret also
ze leetle blond cook who is gone. — Sketch (London).

an son

CAUGHT.

'In all my life," she said, with a sigh, "I have seen
only one man that I would care to marry."

"Did he look like me?" he carelessly asked.

Then she flung herself into his arms and wanted to
know what secret power men possess that enables them
to tell when they are loved.

— Chicago Record-Herald.

n n s □ n

Pa — Xow, what's the old hen eating them tacks for?
Willie (just home from college) — Perhaps she is going
to lay a carpet. — Sun Dial.



The Peterson Cafe



The Home of Good Eats

The cleanest and most sanitary restaurant in the
twin cities, and the

Best Meals Served

for the price

103 W. MAIN STREET
URBANA, ILL.



11



^Wi



The Parlor Home of

Vaudeville



WILL OPEN



About Oct. 15th

A Strictly New Departure in Theatre Construction

THE MEZZANINE FLOOR

FOR THEATRE PARTIES



5-HIGH-CLASS ACTS-5



ILLINOIS THEATRE ATTRACTIONS

OCT. 9— "LITTLE LOST SISTER" OCT. 21— 'When Dreams Come True"

OCT. 16— Matinee Only, "Sousa's Band" OCT. 28— "Adele", Musical Comedy.



12



THE SIREN



is printed by



The Times

24 N. Walnut St.
Champaign, 111.



Frank Walker

SAYS:

Size us up by the hues we carry



Wilson Bros.

Shirts



Cheney Bros.
Ties



CorHss Coon
Collars



Closed Crotch

( Coopers )

Underwear



Fried Bros.
$2 Hats



Adler's 'Tel,
Gloves



ran-
eed)



Regal Caps



Chicago Rub.
Co. rain goods



Thermo
Sweater Coats



Come over to Ur-

bana's largest
made to order
SUIT house for
your togs.




WALKER



CLEANING
PRESSING



L



Meet Our Tailor, Who is a Tailor



O' BYRNE

Transfer and Storage Co.



Phone us if you have baggage or freight to be
hauled. Let us handle your furniture for danse.



OFFICE OPPOSITE I. C. DEPOT



Bell 932



Auto 1011



A New Bootery

To many of the students ours is a new
store. We want you to come in and see
our line of footwear.

Ours will be a style center whether
your need be for class, for street wear,
for the gym, or for receptions and dress
occasions

Style and GOOD SHOES is a combin-
ation we will always present to you.
Visit our store.
WILLIAM WALLACE PAUL

MAIN AND WALNUT



Mrs. G. Ottit Quick — I saw the grandest production of
"Lewis the Cross Eye."

Mrs. Knowbetter — Lewis the what?
Mrs. Q. — Here's the program; you can see for your-
self — "Louis XL"

— Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.

an son

PROVIDING.
"May I spend the day with you, fair one?" he said.
As he sat at the wheel of a big touring car.
Then the maiden replied, with a toss of her head,
" 'Twill depend upon how good a spender you are!"

— Judge

a D s n n

15 — "How much did the party cost you and Bill last
night?"

16 — "Eighty cents."

15— "Is that all?"

16— "Yep, that's all he had." — Lampoon.



1 ]



Bell Phone 1237



Work called for
and Delivered



For a first-class job of

CLEANING AND PRESSING

Try

F. E. GRAY

1229 RACE STREET URBANA

Ten years with L. B. Souder
Prompt Service Best Work



He — ^Yes, Ann talks culture till you fall asleep.
She — Sort of Ann aesthetic, eh? — Tiger.

a n s n n

The Lawyer— So the defendant first turned ami
whistled to the dog, eh? What followed?
The Witness— The dog.— Tiger.



If it makes any difference to you

whether your barber uses sterilized instru-
ments and antiseptic brushes— patronize the
Y. M. C: A. BARBER SHOP. Prompt, cour-
teous, conversationless service at the usual
rates.

E. P. GASTON, Prop.



HONI SOIT.

1st Prom Girl — I stayed in Bill's room at the house
party.

2nd Prom Girl— You did?

1st Prom Girl — Yes. And I saw his forensic —

2nd Prom Girl — Sh! Here come a couple of students.
— Dartmouth Jack-O'-Lantern.



Printing

The Courier Co,

Opposite Post Office
Urbana, of Course




^Q^tSC^




When a fellow starts to college

He's mostly green enough

To tempt the cows to eat him.

But diamon 's in the rough

Ain't half as han'some lookin'

As a piece o' common glass —

Thar may he future presidents

In this year's freshman class.

Ef thar's good points in a fellow.

College kind o' brings 'em out,

An makes 'em show up stronger

An' smoothes a man, about

Like two years' careful cur in'

Brings out VELVET'S nat'ral good.

With a' added mellow smoothness

From long "agein in the wood."



<y^f^



'T^HE tobacco that is finally "graduated"
from our "training school" with the
degree of "V. T. S. S. T." (VELVET.
The Smoothest Smoking Tobacco) must
pass the stifiest sort of "exams."

No leaf is admitted to our "freshman
class" unless it has the standing of "Ken-
tucky's Barley de Luxe." Then it must go
through a two years' course under men who,
to put it mildly, are "sharks" on tobacco.

All the fragrance and taste with which
nature endowed VELVET, are brought out
to the full — an aged-in-the-wood mellow-
ness is added, and the result is the cool,
mild, slow-burning pipe tobacco "graduated"
with the degree of VELVET.

5c Metal-Lined Bags 10c Tins

One Pound Glass Humidors




nyLic

Stands for

New York Life Insurance Company

The largest and strongest Company in the world
Purely Mutual— No stock, no stockholders

Its

New Self Sustaining Policy

is the last word in Insurance
Room 25 Co-Op. Auto 2176



The Fable of the Not. Yet-But- Awful-Soon

Once upon a time two Frosh hied themselves to an Institution of Higher Learning
determined both to Work and Win. The one Frosh had the demeanor of a Silver Owl
and wore his mental corrugations Pompadour. To him the noisome call of the Eight
o'clock, the hum-drum of the Seminar were as the sounds of Gotham to the Gothamite
Grind was his middle name and his fins were the fins of a Shark. The other Frosh
was alive from the tips of his tan boots to the top of his green Frosh cap. To him
studies were a necessary Evil, but he knew how Far to go! He foregathered, how-
ever, with the Elect at Leseure Bros, smoke haven and passed the merry persiflage,
learning the while much of human kind, the difference between good tobacco and
cabbage and how to cue a ball for a draw shot, and where and when. While the
Grind ground, the Mixer mixed. Life's lessons came to the Mixer in Gobs. He
learned that Human Beings are Human and that the Saving Salt of Commonsense
flavors all well-thougt moves; and his good name grew and flourished and came to be a
power in the land. The Mixer averaged Eighty Something in his courses and the
Grind bobbed up with a Ninety-three. When Life had his bout with the two, the
Mixer emerged triumphant; but the Grind was reduced Seventy Points for Lack of
Commonsense, and his Final Average of Twenty- three, put the Kibosh on his Chances
and fired him down the Greased Slide that leads to Oblivion.

Moral; Go to Leseure Bros, and Mix!!

Right on Green Street.



THEN



AND



NOW




IF GRAY HAD GONE TO COLLEGE.



September tolls the knell of pleasures gay,

The easy life of sloth ceases to be;
The scholar schoolward plods his weary way,

And sighs that he is once again not free.

Now fades that glorious summer from his sight.
His time now taken up with toil and cares;

Save where the trolley wheels its dronning flight,
And white-sheathed angels sport their sparkling wares.



Save that from Bradley's tango-haunted bower
The moping miss does to her beau complain;

"Why must we stop at such an early hour"

Or, "Harold you've mussed my hair all up again."

Beneath those rugged roofs that lamplights shade.
Where heaves the Fresh and o'er his "math" does weep;

Each at his desk to bone and grind he's made —
To eat, to work, to bed and then to sleep.



I



The boast of Sophmoredom, their vaunts of power,
And all that confidence and gall e're gave

Awaits alas the inevitable hour —

The paths to Tommy lead but to the grave.

— PWEE,



17




Editor-in- Chief
Business Manager



Ralph L. Barlow
Harry E. Webber



E. H. MORRISSEY
L. D. TILTON
W. H. KUHN



BOARD OF CONTROL

F. H. BABCOCK
V. D. CYLKOWSKI
ROGER HILL



GEORGE GILL
C. L. MOLINELLI
C. M. FERGUSON




REETINGS ILLINI ! Her ladyship, The Siren, extends the sahitation of good-fellowship to
each of you with all the warmth and cordiality that her tiiree years alliance with you can muster.
Just a word about her entertainment for you. Among the leading articles which will feature
our future issues will not be 'a gripping new serial relating the adventures of an unknown wo-
man in search for the man she loved and lost' nor one containing 'a powerful dramatic story of
the conflict between a woman's passionate devotion to her career and the claims of love.' These
wonderful serials were not obtained by us only after the greatest difficulty and at enormous ex-
pense as the editor realized even after a short perusal of the first few pages of the manuscript
that this story did not at last enter into a new and amazing field of American fiction. We have
not secured the services of the foremost short story writer of the present day whose works will
appear exclusively in our magazine' and contrary to our former policy will not be 'illustrated by
James Montgomery Flagg, whose caricatures have so pleased our readers during the past.' An-
other feature of our coming issues will be the absence of an intensely interesting story illustrating the wonderful
tactics of 'a new kind of detective.' Among the other things that we will print will not be 'a story dealing with
the greatest human problem of our time' nor one in which 'the carefree country girl who goes to the city in
search of honest employment is barely saved from a slavery worse than death.' On the other hand we have ob-
tained manuscripts from that class of producers who rank as 'a newly discovered writer possessed of an unmis-
takable genius for present day fiction' which not only enables us to obtain perfectly unimportant stories by un-
known men at a great editorial saving but also allows us to delude the readers into believing that these stories are
more valuable for that reason. Anywhere in the twin cities. Ten cents the copy ! You can't beat it !

D D sn n

T was a week after school had started and the proverbial freshman was being visited by his fond pa-
rent who had expressed a wish to see this great L^niversity which their only son and heir was soon to
conquer. In truth father had come down to see how Willie was settled and mother wanted to 'tend
to his clothes but that isn't this story. Anyway, mother, father and son were traversing the usual
route taken by sightseers, — down Green Street, through the Campus and back on John, when they
were accosted by the cry — "Sirenl New Siren out today. Siren!" Willie knew what that meant
for he had already subscribed, but both father and mother looked inquiringly at their escort. Wo-
man's curiosity superseded man's and mother broached the subject thus; "Williani, what is TIh

18




X..*I B.






2m£ii^



Siren?" Willie knew his parents were ignorant of tlie various college publications and eager to make
an apt explanation to this inquiry racked his hrain for a suitable coniiiarison. In a moment he hit
upon it and answered with another question. '"Well." began Willie, "you know what kind of a maga-
zine "Life' is don't you?'' "Yes." replied his mother. "Well then," continued Willie. "The Siren is the "Life of
Illinois.' And although both father and mother nodded iniderstandingly and had no further questions to ask,
Willie alone appreciated the double meaning of his words for he had had the opportunity to see how much of the


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