r Hv ::
^^M Lt . <^ -* '
^ ■ .'-^is''
^' . V .^;
-^i - ,.-^A
r.^:, ■t^v' - >>•,'■:*■' *
\-,. ->. \:,>~ -■
\ L^ - \
elseif (getClientWidth() > 430)
'i> ■ -c*^
r-^ ■ *W
>-, . • <VJ,!>.'
EDMUND J. JAMES
All Able Bodied
Illinois students are
assemble immedi- TKK™«Y::m
JUL 2 1 1931
ately at old .v.cn.mn<;
•^ UNIVERSITY OF ILLINO.S
Bargains are running wild and must
Army of Illini
Neutrality Strictly Observed
We will sell to anyone
Classified List of Advertisers
G. C. Ehrgott 38
The Co-op 1
D. H. Lloydes 42
Harris & Mead 35
Vriner '• ^^
"White and Gold 43
CLEANERS AND DYERS:—
CIGARETTES AND TOBACCO: —
Fatima Inside back cover
CLOTHIERS AND HABERDASHERRS:—
Anderson & Brothers 3
Cluett, Peabody & Co Back cover
Gulick Inside front cover
Walker & Hartman 48
Hegenbart & Co 40
Quality Store 42
R. L. Bowman 48
J. C. Bowman 3
J. O. Smith 44
Soft Water 47
Urbana Steam 45
POOL AND BILLIARDS:
Rock & Newman 5
University Press 44
Urbana Courier 14
The Times 13
PAINTS AND SUPPLIES: —
Bacon Bros 37
Williams Bros 39
W. W. Paul 13
J. C. Taylor 11
SHOE REPAIRING: —
La Sell 41
TRANSFER COMPANIES: —
Citizens State Bank 8
Ideal Electric Co 37
Illinois Traction System 36
McWilliams & Gleim 7
Morgan Rug Co 6
Dr. C. T. Moss 34
New York Life Ins. Co 16
National Engraving Co 14
Star Lecture Course 34
Stoltey's Garage 48
Twin City Creamery 10
Illinois Billiard Hall
C. E. Cavenaugh, Prop
RODGERS' PEET CO.
make of Fall Ap-
parel for men and
young men. W^e
are showing a diver-
sified range ot cor-
rect Fall styles in
foreign and domes-
tic weaves. HATS
TOO! All the new
styles for Fall.
The Atwood Store
104 W. Madison St., near Clark
On the classic Zuyder Zee
Keeper of the dikes is he.
Nights, when time comes for to sup.
Good wife makes him all Dyke up.
Though the tale seems sad to us,
'Tisn't so redikeulous
When 'tis known that both alike
Answer to the name Van Dyke.
n n s n n
Soph: Did you hear about the aw-
Frosh: No, what?
Soph: A rough had his eye on a
girl's ankle, and she twisted it.
n □ s D D
Bill: Say, I'm feeling pretty poor
Bob: Why, what's the matter?
Bill: I feel like a fox terrier's tall.
Bob: How's that?
Bill: Oh, a bit off.
TOS, C. BOWMAN. Jeweler
has an enviable reputa-
tion for quality and value-
giving. The selection at this
shop is always a matter of
particular pains and care.
The gift buyer reaps the re-
JOS. C. BOWMAN
Two Doors North of City Bld'g on Neil.
Champaign ." Illinois
Your ''Fussy'' Evening
Is not complete without a
Box of Candy
Arcade or No. 9 Main
The Alamo Chilli Parlor
'The Home of Good Things to Eat"
Open from 6:30 A. M. to 12
I. D. STUART W. A. BOHNHORST
Who value their future cannot afford to neglect
the help that comes from good tailoring.
Let us show you the advantage of ordering that tailoring from us.
We represent A. E. Anderson Sc Company, Chicago, and we know
that their work is unusually good. Their line is so complete that you
can easily Jind a fabric to please you at a price that is reasonable, and
they guarantee perfect fit, materials and workmanship. $18.00 to $45.00.
Also showing the New and Neat Fall Furnishings,
FRED G. MARSHALL
Tailoring and Furnishings Bradley Arcade
Say Meet Us !
WHY AT ROCKSIES
WHERE THE BUNCH
ARCADE BILLIARD &
ROCK & NEWMAN, Props.
When in need of
go to Harry's and
get the best
The best hne of Razors and Strops for sale
HARRY HAMRICK, Prop.
Munhall Printing House
The Students' Printers
18 Taylor Street Champaign
Society and Commercial Printing
Steel Dies to Order— Designs
'Bout Face! Cut Rates! Why Pay Nore?
You are facing a problem this fall. The much talk-
ed of high cost of living is a stem reality. You want, of
course, to make a good showing. Mr. Amsbary of the
Amsbary stores in Urbana personally invites you to
consult him; let him help you to give your people the
best at a moderate price. We deliver the goods and will
open monthly accounts with reliable clubs and fraterni-
Right now is the time to get lined up with a good
Urbana is out of the "lunks" — you never saw great-
er improvements in any town than the past six months
Siren readers will do well to try our men's furn-
F. E. AMSBARY
She froze him with her glance,
She pierced him with her eye.
She cut him with her sharp edged tongue,
And left him there to die.
She fanned him with her breath.
She bathed him with her sighs,
She kissed him with her cruel lips.
And bade the dead to rise.
She turned her heart to stone
Her eyes were stony, too;
She threw a stony word at him.
Which broke his ribs right thru.
She took his busted Derby
And patched it up like new,
Then threw it in a bed of coals,
To see what it would do.
— The Penn State Froth.
n □ s n □
A man who had never been duck hunting, shot at a
duck in the air. The duck fell dead to the ground.
"Well, you got him!" exclaimed the amateur's friend.
"Yes," replied the amateur," but I might have saved
the ammunition the fall would have killed him."
— Boston Post.
n D s n n
Back in Shakespeare's day it was fashionable to cuss,
"Oh hell-kite!" That was before the days of air-ships in
Fine line of Student Tables, Mat-
tresses, Book Racks, in fact every-
thing for Students.
Rugs of All Kinds. See our line;
See our prices.
WE WILL CLEAN YOUR RUGS
Morgan Rug Mfg. Co.
200 N. Walnut, Just North
First Nat'l Bank Bid., Champaign
Oh, Skin nay!
Cmon over. Pa bought me one of those type-
writer bargains, Abrams is advertising
IJl^ SAMX ABRAMS
912 E- Green St, Champaign
Our shop showing the very latest creations in
— —— —— 3—— — a— 1— —— ■— — B^M^ll— IW
is open to your inspection
McWILLIAMS & GLEIM
The Exclusive Hat Shop
HIGH CLASS PHOTOPLAYS
Matinee Daily, 2—5 URBANA Night, 7—10:30
Presenting Only The Best of American And European
Bio^raph, Edison, Kalem, Lubin, Pathe,
Selig, Vitagraph and Kleine
Program Changed Daily -:- Feature Every Day
JOHN H. DOYLE
Next to First National Bank
"They say that money talks in New York."
"Yes, all New Yorkers live on the Sound."
n D s n D
THAT BALLED HIM.
Bin — "He"s a good for nothing chap, fairly lives on a
Kins — "Not so bad, he picked out a soft place, anyway."
Bin — "How do you figure that?"
Kins — "Why the cushions."
a D S D D
MASSAGE 'IM ON DE COLD, COLD GROUND.
Down on the football field
Hear that mornful sound,
All the coaches, are a-runing
The captain hit the cold, cold ground
n D s n a
Nobody at home except Robinson Crusoe and he is
going to leave Friday.
Chester Transfer Co.
Baggage, Livery, Taxi-cab and
appreciates your patronage
Neil St. Champaign
OPEN ALL NIGHT
Meal Tickets $5.00
Costs You $4.50
Bradley Hall for Banquets
On Wright Street, Opposite Prexy's
20 Teams. 9 Telephones
R. C. WAGNER & SON
He held the maidens hand and said,
May I the question pop?
She coyly bent her pretty head
You'd better question Pop.
— Cornell Widow.
n n s D n
TITANIC TO THE ICEBERG.
Love me, little girlie mine,
Love, and love, and love me;
Let me feel the youthful sun
Of love glow warm above me.
Love me, little girlie mine.
And say you love me true,
And if not, at least, dear heart,
Pretend you do!
IN HER BATHING SUIT
I itnagined she was I)eautiful,
With a figure most supreme.
But 1 knew the wiles of women —
Things are never what they seem.
I saw her in her bathing suit,
Along the surf- tossed beach.
And again a woman fooled me.
For she really is a peach!
at $L00 per month. Come in, let
us tell you about it.
504 E. Green Both Phones
A million persons who use
every day will tell you that. It is the purest
spread for bread. And it saves you 10c to 20c
a pound. Made in our modern sanitary churn-
eries and government inspected. Ask your
dealer for Marigold and see that you take no
substitute. If your grocer cannot supply you call
J. F. Webster & Co.
Customer— See here, waiter, I found a button iu the
Waiter— Yes, sir; that's off the dressing.
n D s n n
"Is she really musical?" "A genuine artist. You
should hear her refrain from singing."
n D s D n
LitUe Boy— Please, sir, is that Lake Huron?
Old Gentleman-No, my boy, it's not mine. Whom do
you take me for, Rockefeller?
n D s n D
Wit — Now here's a course I've spent more imv on
than any other in this university. It isn't such a hard
course, either, but —
Bit— Well, what is it?"
Wit— Golf course, naturally. — Tiger.
NOT THE GARDEN VARIETY.
Shopping Sue— I want to buy some hose.
Fresh Clerk — Madam, we haven't a hoe in the house.
Shopping Sue— Sir, I don't want hardware, I want
everwear. — Pelican.
Twin City Creamery Butter
ASK YOUR GROCER
See the world's best photo plays, in the finest photo play house
in America, in similar sized town
We are better equipped than ever
to fill your foot wants
$3.00, $3.50, $4.00, $4.50 and $5
RIGHT STYLES RIGHT PRICES
Wear with Every Pair
NEW SWANELL BLDG.
Across from the Lyric Treatre
Here End Your
Eye Glass Troubles
>A^Ws^ <*^'*==n£ t-*^^
A truly wonderful invention and a boon
to glass wearers — no getting loose of lenses —
no screws to tighten — always ready — Come
and let us show you the "Everlock" mount,
ings for Eye Glasses and Spectacles —
No obligation to buy
Optician and Jeweler
"The Hallmark Store", Champaign, Ills.
Cor. Main and Market Sts. URBANA
FINE HOME MADE CANDIES
ICE CREAM AND ICES
We shall be glad to welcome you at our new
1914 confectionery. We will give you the best
service in light lunch.
Give your order for ice cream, we deliver to any
part in the twin cities. Both phones.
C. J. VRINER, Prop.
A CHANGE OF 'AIR.
Diner— Look, waiter: There's a gray hair in this soup!
Waiter — Ah, m'sieur is like me! M'sieur regret also
ze leetle blond cook who is gone. — Sketch (London).
'In all my life," she said, with a sigh, "I have seen
only one man that I would care to marry."
"Did he look like me?" he carelessly asked.
Then she flung herself into his arms and wanted to
know what secret power men possess that enables them
to tell when they are loved.
— Chicago Record-Herald.
n n s □ n
Pa — Xow, what's the old hen eating them tacks for?
Willie (just home from college) — Perhaps she is going
to lay a carpet. — Sun Dial.
The Peterson Cafe
The Home of Good Eats
The cleanest and most sanitary restaurant in the
twin cities, and the
Best Meals Served
for the price
103 W. MAIN STREET
The Parlor Home of
About Oct. 15th
A Strictly New Departure in Theatre Construction
THE MEZZANINE FLOOR
FOR THEATRE PARTIES
ILLINOIS THEATRE ATTRACTIONS
OCT. 9— "LITTLE LOST SISTER" OCT. 21— 'When Dreams Come True"
OCT. 16— Matinee Only, "Sousa's Band" OCT. 28— "Adele", Musical Comedy.
is printed by
24 N. Walnut St.
Size us up by the hues we carry
( Coopers )
Co. rain goods
Come over to Ur-
made to order
SUIT house for
Meet Our Tailor, Who is a Tailor
Transfer and Storage Co.
Phone us if you have baggage or freight to be
hauled. Let us handle your furniture for danse.
OFFICE OPPOSITE I. C. DEPOT
A New Bootery
To many of the students ours is a new
store. We want you to come in and see
our line of footwear.
Ours will be a style center whether
your need be for class, for street wear,
for the gym, or for receptions and dress
Style and GOOD SHOES is a combin-
ation we will always present to you.
Visit our store.
WILLIAM WALLACE PAUL
MAIN AND WALNUT
Mrs. G. Ottit Quick — I saw the grandest production of
"Lewis the Cross Eye."
Mrs. Knowbetter — Lewis the what?
Mrs. Q. — Here's the program; you can see for your-
self — "Louis XL"
— Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
"May I spend the day with you, fair one?" he said.
As he sat at the wheel of a big touring car.
Then the maiden replied, with a toss of her head,
" 'Twill depend upon how good a spender you are!"
a D s n n
15 — "How much did the party cost you and Bill last
16 — "Eighty cents."
15— "Is that all?"
16— "Yep, that's all he had." — Lampoon.
Bell Phone 1237
Work called for
For a first-class job of
CLEANING AND PRESSING
F. E. GRAY
1229 RACE STREET URBANA
Ten years with L. B. Souder
Prompt Service Best Work
He — ^Yes, Ann talks culture till you fall asleep.
She — Sort of Ann aesthetic, eh? — Tiger.
a n s n n
The Lawyer— So the defendant first turned ami
whistled to the dog, eh? What followed?
The Witness— The dog.— Tiger.
If it makes any difference to you
whether your barber uses sterilized instru-
ments and antiseptic brushes— patronize the
Y. M. C: A. BARBER SHOP. Prompt, cour-
teous, conversationless service at the usual
E. P. GASTON, Prop.
1st Prom Girl — I stayed in Bill's room at the house
2nd Prom Girl— You did?
1st Prom Girl — Yes. And I saw his forensic —
2nd Prom Girl — Sh! Here come a couple of students.
— Dartmouth Jack-O'-Lantern.
The Courier Co,
Opposite Post Office
Urbana, of Course
When a fellow starts to college
He's mostly green enough
To tempt the cows to eat him.
But diamon 's in the rough
Ain't half as han'some lookin'
As a piece o' common glass —
Thar may he future presidents
In this year's freshman class.
Ef thar's good points in a fellow.
College kind o' brings 'em out,
An makes 'em show up stronger
An' smoothes a man, about
Like two years' careful cur in'
Brings out VELVET'S nat'ral good.
With a' added mellow smoothness
From long "agein in the wood."
'T^HE tobacco that is finally "graduated"
from our "training school" with the
degree of "V. T. S. S. T." (VELVET.
The Smoothest Smoking Tobacco) must
pass the stifiest sort of "exams."
No leaf is admitted to our "freshman
class" unless it has the standing of "Ken-
tucky's Barley de Luxe." Then it must go
through a two years' course under men who,
to put it mildly, are "sharks" on tobacco.
All the fragrance and taste with which
nature endowed VELVET, are brought out
to the full — an aged-in-the-wood mellow-
ness is added, and the result is the cool,
mild, slow-burning pipe tobacco "graduated"
with the degree of VELVET.
5c Metal-Lined Bags 10c Tins
One Pound Glass Humidors
New York Life Insurance Company
The largest and strongest Company in the world
Purely Mutual— No stock, no stockholders
New Self Sustaining Policy
is the last word in Insurance
Room 25 Co-Op. Auto 2176
The Fable of the Not. Yet-But- Awful-Soon
Once upon a time two Frosh hied themselves to an Institution of Higher Learning
determined both to Work and Win. The one Frosh had the demeanor of a Silver Owl
and wore his mental corrugations Pompadour. To him the noisome call of the Eight
o'clock, the hum-drum of the Seminar were as the sounds of Gotham to the Gothamite
Grind was his middle name and his fins were the fins of a Shark. The other Frosh
was alive from the tips of his tan boots to the top of his green Frosh cap. To him
studies were a necessary Evil, but he knew how Far to go! He foregathered, how-
ever, with the Elect at Leseure Bros, smoke haven and passed the merry persiflage,
learning the while much of human kind, the difference between good tobacco and
cabbage and how to cue a ball for a draw shot, and where and when. While the
Grind ground, the Mixer mixed. Life's lessons came to the Mixer in Gobs. He
learned that Human Beings are Human and that the Saving Salt of Commonsense
flavors all well-thougt moves; and his good name grew and flourished and came to be a
power in the land. The Mixer averaged Eighty Something in his courses and the
Grind bobbed up with a Ninety-three. When Life had his bout with the two, the
Mixer emerged triumphant; but the Grind was reduced Seventy Points for Lack of
Commonsense, and his Final Average of Twenty- three, put the Kibosh on his Chances
and fired him down the Greased Slide that leads to Oblivion.
Moral; Go to Leseure Bros, and Mix!!
Right on Green Street.
IF GRAY HAD GONE TO COLLEGE.
September tolls the knell of pleasures gay,
The easy life of sloth ceases to be;
The scholar schoolward plods his weary way,
And sighs that he is once again not free.
Now fades that glorious summer from his sight.
His time now taken up with toil and cares;
Save where the trolley wheels its dronning flight,
And white-sheathed angels sport their sparkling wares.
Save that from Bradley's tango-haunted bower
The moping miss does to her beau complain;
"Why must we stop at such an early hour"
Or, "Harold you've mussed my hair all up again."
Beneath those rugged roofs that lamplights shade.
Where heaves the Fresh and o'er his "math" does weep;
Each at his desk to bone and grind he's made —
To eat, to work, to bed and then to sleep.
The boast of Sophmoredom, their vaunts of power,
And all that confidence and gall e're gave
Awaits alas the inevitable hour —
The paths to Tommy lead but to the grave.
Ralph L. Barlow
Harry E. Webber
E. H. MORRISSEY
L. D. TILTON
W. H. KUHN
BOARD OF CONTROL
F. H. BABCOCK
V. D. CYLKOWSKI
C. L. MOLINELLI
C. M. FERGUSON
REETINGS ILLINI ! Her ladyship, The Siren, extends the sahitation of good-fellowship to
each of you with all the warmth and cordiality that her tiiree years alliance with you can muster.
Just a word about her entertainment for you. Among the leading articles which will feature
our future issues will not be 'a gripping new serial relating the adventures of an unknown wo-
man in search for the man she loved and lost' nor one containing 'a powerful dramatic story of
the conflict between a woman's passionate devotion to her career and the claims of love.' These
wonderful serials were not obtained by us only after the greatest difficulty and at enormous ex-
pense as the editor realized even after a short perusal of the first few pages of the manuscript
that this story did not at last enter into a new and amazing field of American fiction. We have
not secured the services of the foremost short story writer of the present day whose works will
appear exclusively in our magazine' and contrary to our former policy will not be 'illustrated by
James Montgomery Flagg, whose caricatures have so pleased our readers during the past.' An-
other feature of our coming issues will be the absence of an intensely interesting story illustrating the wonderful
tactics of 'a new kind of detective.' Among the other things that we will print will not be 'a story dealing with
the greatest human problem of our time' nor one in which 'the carefree country girl who goes to the city in
search of honest employment is barely saved from a slavery worse than death.' On the other hand we have ob-
tained manuscripts from that class of producers who rank as 'a newly discovered writer possessed of an unmis-
takable genius for present day fiction' which not only enables us to obtain perfectly unimportant stories by un-
known men at a great editorial saving but also allows us to delude the readers into believing that these stories are
more valuable for that reason. Anywhere in the twin cities. Ten cents the copy ! You can't beat it !
D D sn n
T was a week after school had started and the proverbial freshman was being visited by his fond pa-
rent who had expressed a wish to see this great L^niversity which their only son and heir was soon to
conquer. In truth father had come down to see how Willie was settled and mother wanted to 'tend
to his clothes but that isn't this story. Anyway, mother, father and son were traversing the usual
route taken by sightseers, — down Green Street, through the Campus and back on John, when they
were accosted by the cry — "Sirenl New Siren out today. Siren!" Willie knew what that meant
for he had already subscribed, but both father and mother looked inquiringly at their escort. Wo-
man's curiosity superseded man's and mother broached the subject thus; "Williani, what is TIh
Siren?" Willie knew his parents were ignorant of tlie various college publications and eager to make
an apt explanation to this inquiry racked his hrain for a suitable coniiiarison. In a moment he hit
upon it and answered with another question. '"Well." began Willie, "you know what kind of a maga-
zine "Life' is don't you?'' "Yes." replied his mother. "Well then," continued Willie. "The Siren is the "Life of
Illinois.' And although both father and mother nodded iniderstandingly and had no further questions to ask,
Willie alone appreciated the double meaning of his words for he had had the opportunity to see how much of the