fire-consumed drug ? Or can it be," she added, as her
eye fell on me, " that thou. Mortal, Ephemeral Biped,
art one of those whom Prometheus taught to kindle the
mandrake herb in earth burnt with flames, even in
wrought workmanship of bowls^ and that thou dost now
offer me this sweet Thysia, even an offering as dear as
Mysian myrrh? Speak me. Mortal, winged words of
Truth."
Fennell-bound chamber of opiate fire ! Earth burnt
with flame, wrought workmanship of bowls 1 Cloud-
gatherer Zeus! What did it all mean? My brain
reeled before me, and my mind refused to think. In
amazement my eye wandered now to the floor, now to
the ceiling, and at last lighted by chance on the
goddess's face. Heavens, how I jumped ! As a statue
her features had been calm and majestic : as a goddess
(let us whisper it beneath our breath), the look she
gave me would have sunk a battleship five miles off!
" Speak winged words of Truth," she repeated, and
my tongrue, which wonder had tied, terror loosed.
" 'Reverend dame," I began, " No, 1 don't mean
that ; " what was the proper title to address a deity ?
O why hadn't I studied the classics harder ! " Demeter
of many names," I hazarded — at any rate that was
safe — " Be not wroth with thy humble worshipper, on
whose tongue an ox standeth, so that it forgets how
to shoot biting arrows of the Muses, full of wise
diaphragms ; pardon my forgetfulness, which with
procrastination is the door of vice ; " the last was an
unconscious reminiscence of my Aunt Jane's teaching ;
what would she have said if she had seen me '^ humbly
worshipping " a heathen deity ?
For the next few minutes I waited for the end to
come ; what would a goddess addressed as a " reverend
dame " consider a fitting penalty ? Should I be another
• irirvM yuvai.
Digitized by
Googk
320 DenuUr of the Fair Tresses.
AjaXy transfixed as to my midriff with a sharp rock J
No, it seemed the goddess had not troubled even to
listen to my address. Instead she mused to herself in
a tone of puzzled wonder : " And yet what halls are
these ? Of a truth this is not Olympus, nor Sicily, with
its many apples. Moreover " — looking at me—" this is
no Hellene, no child of light, but some barbarian ; yet
is he pious, and offers sweet incense, though it too hath
somewhat of barbarian about it ; " — I always did object
to Smith putting Mexican twist in his mixture — " and I
would leave this country, to dwell among my true
worshippers. Do thou, stranger, guide me from this
place, and be blessed in the thought that thou art
chosen to act as Mercury to Demeter of the Fair
Tresses and beauteous ankle." With these words she
laid her hand upon my shoulder, and motioned to me to
lead her forth.
Now the stem moralist may chide me for not refusing
to accompany a lady, at once beauteous and unknown ;
if so, I can only plead guilty ; my mind was incapable
of action, and after all it is a delightful thing to have a
lovely divinity leaning on one's arm, even if she be no
earthly divinity. One thing troubled me, and that was
my goddess's strange raiment; snow-white climation
and bare head is rather conspicuous for a public place
in London. However, the difficulty soon solved itself;
suddenly round the corner came a typical 'Arriet, in
long cloak reaching to the feet, with immense buttons,
and a gorgeous peacock feather on her hat. As she
came in sight of us her face turned livid with fear, and
she sank in a swoon to the gfround — silent through
sheer fear. The goddess, with a fiendish chuckle,
despoiled her victim of the cloak and hat, put them on
herself, and then again taking my arm ordered me to
go on.
Arm in arm we wandered through the long rooms,
and down the staircase, I wondering what the end was
to be, the goddess delighted in her new attire, and
Digitized by
Googk
Demeter of the Fair Tresses, 321
occasionally glancing round the place with a wondering
look. At last her voice broke silence : " What call they
this place, articulate-speaking Mortal ? "
" The British Museum, Golden-haired Sister of the
Graces " I replied. (My language was improving.)
" Nay," said she, ** this is no school or temple of the
Muses, nor yet a Mosaic. I know not what thou
meanest."
" Winged words, thou speakest," I replied, greatly
wondering at her knowledge of Liddell and Scott, " yet
in our uncouth tongue a Museum is a building or house
wherein curious things are stored. And 'tis erected at
the public cost.'*
" Truly a wondrous place," she replied, and little did
I think the construction she would put upon my words.
Now while talking thus, we had passed through the
gateway and come into the open street. It was midday
and the thoroughfare at its busiest. My companion
seemed to be still delighted with her attire, although to
a modem eye there might have seemed some incon-
gruity between a heathen goddess and a peacock-
feather hat. " Thinkest thou not," she said, " that this
garb of mine is more lovely than the sea spray of
Aphodite?" — a question which seriously embarrassed
me, but to which my modesty was spared an answer :
for at this point we came upon a somewhat dense
crowd, and my companion did not show the innate
patience of a cockney born. One portly gentleman
especially barred her way, and him she took by the
shoulders and flung off from her. What was my
horror when the victim turned round, and revealed
the infuriated features of Mr Brown.
For some seconds Mr Brown's fury stammered for
utterance, while the goddess watched him with amused
tolerance. Then, taking my arm, "Lead on, fair
stranger ! " she said ; whereat Mr Brown's face and
wrath were turned simultaneously on me.
" So this is the high-minded tutor," he cried, "under
Digitized by
Googk
32 2 Demeter of the Fair Tresses.
whom two innocent-minded boys " but his utterance
was cut short by the goddess, who in meaning tones
remarked — for the meaning of the words I must refer
my readers to the commentators — "Like a chattering
crow by the bird of Zeus, he slinketh home by blind
alleys, who provideth folly for the Muses to plough."
Mr Brown's only answer for a time was a long,
horror-struck stare, after which he began wagging his
head and muttering, •f Drunk as fiddlers both of them ! "
"You do us wrong, portly Biped," the goddess
answered — you should have seen Mr Brown's face —
" we are not drunk ; for but lately we have come from
the public house."
" Public house " 1 gasped Mr Brown, while an amused
smile began to appear on the faces of the crowd.
Now at this point a malicious Fate added one final
blow, for the irrepressible Smith, seeing the chance of
a row, came rushing up; while the aesthetic Johnes
came more slowly in the rear ; the former suddenly
recognising me, cried out with a mischievous twinkle
in his eye, " Hullo, old man ! I thought you were
having too much lemonade and buns."
"Lemonade and buns," muttered Mr Brown, "and
public house! public house, buns and lemonade!
Drunken wench " he continued, but no goddess
could be expected to stand that, and with a roar of
deep thunder Demeter of the fair tresses (and strong
arm) went for him ; the last I saw was a policeman
trying to hold her, and then I bolted. A few seconds
later I heard a crash, and, looking round, saw the
policeman and Mr Brown lying dead on the road, and
the goddess vanished.
Next day the Half -penny Squeak had the following
sensational paragraph —
Yesterday at noon a horrible tragedy was enacted outside
the gates of the British Museum ; an unfortunate policeman was
Digitized by
Googk
Horace. 323
trying to arrest an extraordinarily arrayed female at the instance
of a certain Mr Brown, when one of the underground cables
exploded, and all three were killed, the woman being so
annihilated that no trace of her can be found. A companion
of the woman's ran away just before the explosion and is being
looked for. At about the same time a woman was found dead
of heart disease inside the Museum, the heart failure being
perhaps due to the noise of the explosion. We hope the Home
Office may be induced to take the matter of underground cables
into serious consideration.
Does the superficial reader smile at my disappear-
ance? Well, I kept out of the way of the inquest,
because *' material evanescence in the presence of brute
violence is the proper attribute of a reasonable being."
A. S. L.
Horace. Odes i. xix.
Ah me ! Cupid's cruel mother,
And the son of Semel6
Bid me once again be lover;
And my love is Glycer6.
'Tis her face more fair than marble,
'Tis her winsome coquetry
And her dazzling eyes deceptive
Make me love my Glycer6.
Leaving Cyprus altogether,
Love's bright queen has come to me
War and strife are now forgotten
In the thought of Glycer6.
Hasten ! build the soft turf altar,
Cast upon it rose-mary;
Praying thus I may forget thee.
Once my love, sweet Glycer6
W. F. C.
Digitized by
Googk
Horace. Odes ii. iv.
(Done into English in the same metre.)
Let not thy love for thy handmaiden shame thee^
Phocian Xanthias, for of yore Briseis
Tho' but a slave girl by her fair complexion.
Moved stem Achilles.
Moved was lord Ajax, Telamon's proud offspring
By the sweet beauty of the bound Tecmessa :
E'en in his triumph Agamemnon burned with
Love for a maiden.
After the hoards of savage foes were conquered
By the Thessalian victor and the death of
Hector had given Troy an easy prey to
War-wearied Grecians.
Rich parents perchance has the fair-haired Phyllis
Who then shall gfrace thee as their son, for surely
Thy lov'd one's race is princely and she mourns at
Gods that do wrong her!
Trust me, thy darling is not a daughter of
The common rabble, nor could one thus faithful,
Thus hating base gain, ever have been born from
A shameful mother.
Whole-hearted I praise, arms and feet and ankles —
Those shapely ankles! — But do not suspect one
Whose age has hastened ere now to complete its
Fortieth winter.
W. F. C.
Digitized by
Googk
A MAY-WEEK MDtTlJRE.
DRAMATIS PERSON AEi
Regii^ald Coxlsy An Undergraduate.
Hon. Edward Greenwood ^^Ditto^ his F*riend and old
Schoolfellow.
Dr Braunschild, Ph.D. . * . . -4 Widower from Sreslau.
Fraulein Rosa Braunschild .. His Daughter.
Miss Lucinda Coxley • • * • . Reginald* s Aunt.
Ethel Gainsome Her Niece.
Warwick . * • . . « . . Gyp to Coxley,
Scene I.
Coj^ley's Keeping Room in St feromis College, comfortably
furnished and looking painfully tidy. The photographs on the
Mantelpiece have evidently been carefully arranged.
I^CoxLEY and Greenwood seated in basket chairs. Roth are in
their second year. The former looks athletic / the latter rather dull^
but he has cherubic cheeks.']
Greenwood {mournfully). Yes, he said he saw I'd
been pipped again in Little-Go, and couldn't see the
good of my stopping up to make a record in unsuc-
cessful shots. {Bitterly) The Guv'nor never did see the
good of anything.
CoXLEY. Wants you to go down, does he ?
Gr. O it's not that ! I've a good chance of being
sent down anyhow, after that rag at Bulcher's last
VOL. XX. TT
Digitized by
Googk
326 A May- IVeek Mixlure.
Tuesday ; but I've got to go to Germany to learn the
language {with dtsgust\ unless I break my teeth first.
Cox. You learn German! Td like to see you-*-
ha> ha, ha !
Gr. Ridiculous, isn't it? But it's the old boy's fad,
and when he once gets a thing into his head —
Cox. {shortly) Mine's just the same.
Gr. Says he's always regretted not having learnt
himself. I told him he'd regret it more if he heard me
speak. But it's no use, I've got to shunt a.nA{iragtcally)
I've come here for the last time.
Cox. How good of you; I'm so glad.
Gr. {drily) Don't mention it, old fellow.
Cox. No, no, I didn't mean that. I meant you've
just come at the right time, when you can do me a
parting favour. Aunt Lucinda has written to say she'd
come up to-day for a visit ; Robinson of Pemmer was
coming here, but he scratched this morning because he
had a toothache — he's always so inconsiderate.
Gr. Your aunt — with Ethel, of course ?
Cox. {very nonchalantly) Yes, I suppose with Ethel.
And you know she was always awfully fond of you, and
you are quite chums.
Gr. Awfully good of you. Ethel and I always did —
Cox. Ethel ! I'm talking of Aunt. She's not
particularly old and she's rather good looking, (growing
enthusiastic) handsome I may say. In fact I've half
a mind to trot her myself.
Gr. * Trot her ? '
Cox. You know, take her into libraries and chapels,
tvalk her, sit her, canter her, lose her, drown her. I
know I may confidently put her under your care.
Gr. I see, and you'll * trot ' Ethel.
Cox. Awfully good of you, Ned. I knew you would-
\_A timid knock] Come in !
Gr. I'm off to change for lunch.
\^Knock repeated,^
Cox* {irately) Come in, the name of
Digitized by
Google
A May- Week Mixture. 327
[Enter Dr Braunschild and Fraulein Rosa
Braunschild, the former stout and jovial ; the latter
a small, plump brunette with very bright eyes : she speaks
English with a hardly perceptible foreign accent.]
{solemnly) the Lord.
Dr Braunschild. Ach Herr Professor—
Gr. (with difficulty) Well, so long, old chap, I really
must
Cox. {aside to Gr.) Don't desert me, Ned.
{Exit Greenwood.]
Dr B. We hef you, chancewise, distracted ?
Cox. {disconcerted) O, not a bit. {Sotto voce) Why, it'a
old Braunschild! How the deuce did he get here^
(Aloud) Won't you take
Dr B. Nodding, I thank, we come to have just
breakfasted.
Cox. Er, a chair? Allow me to introduce you to
(Bolted ! Confound him \) — the scenery — that is, my
rooms.
Dr B. I thought to make you a surprise. One told
me that this was the great week of the whole year, and
as I have great longing to see a Congress of your
together-assembled Herr Professors and directors, we
us in London by chance having found, remembered
ourselves on your kind invitation and
Cox. (aside) What can the old fool mean ? Great
Scott ! I remember now. What a dolt I was to invite
them like that in Breslau last vac.
Dr B. And are come to spend
Cox. {aside) A week at least.
Dr B. One day with you in Cambridge, I have
much desire to make the acquaintance of your Herr
Professors and to study your Manuscriptscollections.
Cox. (aside) O Lord ! And Aunt Lucinda and Ethel
coming !
Digitized by
Googk
3^8 A May- Week Mixture.
Dr B. I ventured also to bring with my daughter, I
think you remember her ?
Cox. O yes. \They shake hands.'] Delighted to
renew your acquaintance, Miss Bratinschild. You'll
stop for lunch — ^ —
Dr B. Best thank, Mr Doctor. And afterwards you
will introduce me to your Professors, and then {rubbing
his hands\ then for the Manuscripts.
Cox. Er — {aside) all my fault for bragging when I
was over there— ^a^</) the fact is they're both closed
to-day. That is, the Manuscripts are.
Dr B. But the Professors at least
Cox« Well — O., I'm extremely sorry, but I have
arranged to go on the river with some-^some men, you
know.
Dr B. a river party. Most agreeable !
Cox. {not very heartily) O, you'll come ? That's kind
of you. (Aside) My only decent day spoilt.
\^A knock.]
{Gently) Come in.
[Enter Miss Lucinda Coxlet, a lady of dubious age
and brilliant attire^ and Ethel Gainsome, tall^ fair
and good looking,]
Miss COXLEY. O Reginald, at last we're here. You
see I've brought Ethel. I've such a lot to tell you.
{Perceiving the Braunschilds) Introduce me, Reginald.
{He does so^ So we're to go on the river after lunch ;
and you. Doctor ?
Dr B. Yes, the Professor
Cox. {aside to Dr -ff., nudging him) Don't call me
that.
Dr B. That is, the Mr Doctor — {aside) what you say ?
So? {Aloud) O, ah I your nephew, Mr Damitall
[Reginald and Ethel burst ont laughing and look
ajvay] has concluded us in his rudder-party.
Digitized by
Googk
A May 'Week Mixture, 329
Scene II.
A Private Room in the ''Pike and Eeir
[CoxLEY, Ethel, Greenwood, and Rosa.]
Cox. {sinking dawn an a hard chair) Phew! Safe
at last.
Ethel Yes. How lucky, though, that there was
this place close by. Else I don't know what they
would have done, and Aunt so easily put out, too !
Voice from above. Mine trousers' suspenders, but
quick !
Rosa. I think that's Father calling {going),
Gr. Nonsense, he's only speaking to the inn-
keeper.
Ros. No it's me he wants. \Exii\
Eth. That's Aunt's voice. No, Reggy, I really
must go to her. \Exit\
Cox. {sternly) Now, Greenwood, I want to know how
it all came about. How on earth did you let them do it ?
Gr. {indignantly^ O, that's the tune, is it! My
fault ! I'm hanged if 1 came out to look after a pack
of old
Cox. Don't be disrespectful, Ned.
Gr. Well, why were'nt you by them, as you told
them you would be ?
Cox. O, so I was at first, but when the old fool
called out " Herr Professor, what is Bumps ? " so that
the whole of the bank heard him, I couldn't stand it
any longer. And, besides, I thought you were looking
after them. You had nothing else to do.
Gr. You shouldn't have thought.
Voice from above. Himmel ! There goes the last !
Cox. Well, never mind. Anyhow you saw him and
Aunt upset their boat, and you can tell me all about
that.
Digitized by
Googk
330 A May- Week Mixture.
Gr. {disjointedly) It was all too killing for words.
You see Browny got excited as the eights came up, and
managed somehow to let the boat get adrift ; Aunt lost
her head and shrieked and tugged at the wrong line.
Then something seemed to exasperate him — I believe
he thought the roar of "well rowed" was a bit of
sarcasm directed at him, and he pulled for all he was
worth, succeeded in catching a crab, and it was all over
with him — very literally. My stars ! you should have
seen them then. O how my sides ache !
Cox. {impatiently) Yes, yes ; never mind that. Go on.
Gr. {softly) I was too far ofiF to jump in myself, but
some Caius men fished them out and they looked a
sight for the gods. Your Aunt could'nt speak for a
bit, but when she did she let the old German have it.
"You row, why I could have rowed better myself!
And I told you to pull the other oar." His protesting
only made matters worse, for she then said he had done
it all on purpose, she felt sure of it. All the way here
she muttered nasty things about old men who ought'nt
to be trusted outside bath-chairs. Well, you know the
rest.
[Enter RoSA laughing,']
Ros. O Father does look so funny! His trousers
are ever so much too long for him, and his waistcoat
buttons will come off as fast as he does them up.
[Enter EthiiL.]
Eth. {speaking to Cox.) Aunt's in a terrible way.
She vows you put her into the boat alone with Dr
Braunschild on purpose to get her upset, and she says
she'll never have anything more to do with you, Regg^.
Cox. Does she really ? But you know it wasn't my
fault a bit, don't you, Ethel ?
Eth. Of course I do.
Ros. (to Gr.) He says he rather enjoyed it. But
how could Mr Coxley let them go in a boat all alone. ?
Gr. {guiltily) Well, you see— er— it wasn't all his
fault. I told the boatman to say he hadn't any boats in
Digitized by
Googk
A May- Wtek Mixture, 3 3 1
that would hold more than two. So they had the
sculling boat and we the two canoes.
Ros. {doubtfully) More than two ?
Gr. You know, it's so much easier to talk when there
are only two in the boat ; and, besides, you remember
you were teaching me German.
Ros. O, of course.
\Tea is brought in by a somewhat untidy woman,']
Cox. Here comes the tea. Half-past seven already !
By George, you'll miss the last train !
Scene III.
Coxley's Rooms as in Scene I.
It IS the morning of the following day. Breakfast is laid for
half-a-dozen,
[Enter Dr Braunschild with a large bouquet of
red roses.]
Dr B. (evidently suffering from a cold in the head)
What said he ? Nobody is called Professor here, not
even Doctor! But it is to me quite ingomprehensible,
this Cambridge! \^He sits down.] Ach! I have well
decided not to walk with them in the morning air with
this cold upon me. The Fraulein Aunt Lucinda she is
encolded also, but she has too great pride to be alone
with me after yesterday. And she insisted it was all
my guilt they spoilt the last train and had to sleep here
overnights ! But [chuckling as he looks at the roses) I
think I shall know how to cool her temper. And the
young Goxley has promised to introduce me to his own
Herr Professor after all. I shall not in vain this visit
have perpetrated.
[Enter Warwick, knocking as he closes the door.]
Warwick. Good morning, sir. Mr Coxley said you
might like to see me a moment.
Digitized by
Googk
332 A May- Week Mixture.
Dr B. (to himself) A Herr Professor! Ach, now
at last. {Aloud) Herr Prof— that is Mr, Mr—
War. Warwick, sin
Dr B. Mr Warwick I am by the honour and the
after-great-difficulty-at-length- gratified desire overcome
to have made your acquaintance.
War. {to himself) He did say the gentleman was
a bit odd, but — {aloud) Just so, sir. Anything I can
do for you ?
Dr B. Heartiest thank. I would wish eitceedingly
that you tell me something about this May-weeks-
congress. A cigar ?
War. {taking and pocketing one) Thank you, sir.
Dr B. Ah ! I perceive you do not smoke within the
building ?
War. No sir, we make it a rule not to smoke in
College.
Dr B. But you are attached to the University, not ?
War. No, I'm on the College stafif.
Dr B. And it is told me you do not use to call
yourselves Professors ?
War. {shocked) O no, sir, never !
Dr B. I beg for pardon. And I suppose you look
after the undergratitudes ?
War. Exactly, sir ; look in once a day,
Dr B. So often !
War. They don't call it often. Why, they're always
grumbling I don't come oftener.
Dr B. So ? They find your conversation, doubtless,
highly instructive.
War. {to himself) Well odd or not odd, at least he's
not dull. {Aloud) And then I sees that they get up of
a mornin'.
Dr B. Really ! What you say ! But do you approve
that they should make river parties and bump races a
great part of the day, and walk themselves in flannel
and brilliant coats ?
Digitized by
Googk
A May- Week Mixture. 333
War. Bless you, sir, it's good for them. 1 do a little
rowing myself now and then. We always encourage
it in them. And besides they don't ask us.
Dr B. And Mr Goxley, you are satisfied with him ?
and his friend Mr Greenwood ?
War. {aside) Spyin', are you ? Well you won't spy
much out of me. (Aloud) Perfectly, sir, perfectly. I've
never had steadier, harder-working men under me.
Dr B. And in what do you chiefly oocupy yourself^
Mr Warwick ?
War. Hem! I jest superintend things. The
woman —
I>R B. The woman ?
War. O yes, we have i?«romen to do the ordinary
work.
Dr B. Thunderweather ! Excuse ! Bilt this is
extraordinary, this Cambridge !
War. They don't allow 'em, I'm told, at Hoxford.
Dr B. So? And you, you have what one calls a
* hobby' also?
War. Yes, sir, I keep fowls. (Confidentially) I'm
always interested in gentlemen from Germany, as I've
made a speciality of Hamburgs. There's one now =
Dr B. I understand — a irdpepyov, not ?
War. {flattered) A paragon ? Well, I do think %o
myself sometimes.
[Enter Coxley, Mlss Coxlet, Ethel, Rosa, and
Greenwood. Miss Coxley's attire is somewhat toned
down in colour,]
Well, good day to you, sir.
Dr B. Adieu ! I w'as charmed, and when you find
yourself in Breslau, I shall ever — {Addressing CoxLEY)
The Herr Professor here
[Exit Warwick hurriedly,']
Cox. The what ? That's my gyp.
Dr B. Yes, and a highly interesting philosophy-*
conversation ^
[CoxLEY and GREENWOOD laugh convulsively. 1
VOL. XX. UU
Digitized by
Googk
334 -^ May- Week Mixture.
Cox. A Gyp \ Don't you understand ? A man who
washes plates and runs messages.
Dr B. {hotly) Then pardon me, Mr Goxley, but you
have me grossly ridiculed, and— —
Ros. {running up to him) O Father, can't you see
how it is ? It must be all your mistakes {he explains^
Dr B. So ? Mr Goxley, I entreat your forgiveness.
Cox. Pray don't mention it. I ought to have thought
of this.
Dr B. And now have I something to transact with
you. Miss Goxley. [He fulls a slip of paper from his
pocket and feads.'] "As were sometimes made up
ofiFerings to Venus when she arose from her bath, so
to thee, river-arisen goddess and high-well-born Miss,
I this with-much-prayer-for-pardon-accompanied peace-
oflFering take pleasure to offer." [He hands her the