language as it doth in ours. Whereupon
the malicious rogue, watching his opportu-
nity, when I was walking under one of
them, fhook it direftly over my head, by
which a dozen apples, each of them as large
as a Briflol barrel, came tumbling about
my ears ; one of them hit me on the back
as I chanced to fioop, and knocked me down
flat on my face ; but I received no other
hurt, and the dwarf was pardoned at my de-
jure, becaufe I had given the provocation.
Another day Glumdalclitch left me on a
fmooth grafs-plat to divert myfelf, while
fhe walked at fome diilance with her go-
vernefs. In the mean time there fuddenly
fell fuch a violent fliower of hail, that I was
immediately by the force of it ftruck to the
ground : and when I was down, the hail-
ilones gave me fuch cruel bangs all over the
body, as if I had been pelted -with tennis-
balls; however, I made Ihift to creep on
all four, and flielter myfelf by laying flat on
my face, on rhe IvC-fide of a border of le-
mon-thyme, but {o bruifed from head to
foot, thai; I could not go abroad in ten days.
Neither is this at all to be wondered at,
becaufe nature in that country, obferving
the lame proportion through all her opera-
tions, a hail-ftone is near eighteen hundred
times as large as one in Europe, which I
can afiert upon (experience, having been fo
curioi's to weigh and meafure them.
But a more dangerous accident happened
rn me in the fame garden, when my little
»i'jrfc believing fne had put n.e in a fccure
Book IV,
NARRATIVES, DIALOGUES, &c.
379
for worms and other food with as much in-
difference and fecurity, as if no creature at
all were near them. I remember, a thruih
had the confidence to fnatchout of my hand,
with his bill, a piece of cake that Glumdal-
clitch had juft given me for my breakfaft.
When I attempted to catch any of thefe
birds, they would boldly turn againrt me,
endeavouring to pick my fingers, which I
durft not venture within their reach ; and
then they would hop back unconcerned to
hunt for worms or fnails, as they did before.
But one day 1 took a thick cudgel, and threw
it with all my ftrength (o luckily at a linnet,
that 1 knocked him down, and feizing him
by the neck vvith both my hands, ran with
him in triumph to my nurfe. However
the bird, who had' only been flunned, re-
covering himfelf, gave me fo many boxes
with hi", wint^j on both fides of my head and
body, though I held him at arm's length,
and was out of the reach of his claws, that
I was twer.ty tim.es thinking to let him go.
I3ut I vi'as foon relieved by one of our fer-
vants, who wrung off the bird's neck, and
I had him next day fordiimerbythe queen's
command. This linnet, as near as I can
remember, feemed to be fomewhat larger
than an Englifh fwan.
^ The maids of honour often invited Glum-
dalclitch to their apartments, and defired flae
would bring me along with her, on purpofe
to have the pleafure of feeing and touching
me. They would often ftrip me naked
from top to toe, and lay me at full length
in their bofoms ; wherewith I was much
difgufled ,• becaufe, to fay the truth, a very
offenfive fmell came from their fkins ;
which I do not mention, or intend, to the
difadvantage of thofe excellent ladies, for
whom I have all manner of refpe6l ; but I
conceive that my fenfe was more acute in
proportion to my littlenefs, and that thofe
illuftrious perfons were no more difagree-
able to their lovers, or to each other, than
people of the fame quality are with us in
England. And, after all, I found their
natural fmell was much more fupportable,
^han when they ufed perfumes, under which
I immediately fwooned av,'ay. I cannot
forget, that an intimate friend of mine in
Lilliput took the freedom in a warm day,
when I had ufed a good deal of exercife, to
complain of a flrong fmell about m.e, al-
though I am as little faulty that way as moft
of my fex : but I fuppofe his faculty of
fmeljing was as jiice with regard to me, as
mine was to thnt of this people. Upon
this point I cannqt forbear doing juftice to
the queen my miftrefs, and Glumdalclitch
my nurfe, whofe perfons were as fweet as
thofe of any lady in England.
That which gave me mofl uneafinefs a-
mong thefe maids of honour (when my
nurfe carried me to vifit them) was to fee
them ufe me, without any manner of cere-
mony, like a creature who had no fort of
confequence : for they would flrip them-
felves to the fkin, and put on their fmocks
in my prefence, while I was placed on their
toilet, diredly before their naked bodies,
which I am fure to me was very far from
being a tempting fight, or from giving me
any other emotions than thofe of horror
and difguft. Their fl^ins appeared fo coarfe
and uneven, fo varioufly coloured, when I
faw them near, with a mole here and there
as broad as a trencher, and hairs hanging
from it thicker than pack-threads, to fay
nothing farther concerning the reft of their
perfons. Neither did they at all fcruple,
while I was by, to difcharge what they had
drank, to the quantity of at leafl: tv^^o hogf-
heads, in aveflel that held above three tuas.
The handfomeft among thefe maids of ho-
nour, a pleafant froliclome girl of fixreen,
would fometimes fet me aftride upon one of
her nipples, with many other tricks, where-
in the reader will excufe me for not being
over particular. But I was fo much dif-
pleafed, that I inireated Glumdalclitch to
contrive fome excufe for not feeing that
young lady any more.
One day a young gentleman, who was
nephew to my nurfe's governefs, came and
prtfTed them both to fee an execution. It
was of a man, who had murdered one of
that gentleman's intimate acquaintance.
Glumdalclitch was prevailed on to be oner
of the company, very much againfi: her in-
clination, for 'file was naturally tender-
hearted : and ?.s for myfelf, although I ab-
horred fuch kind of fpeftacles, yet my cu-
riofity tempted me to fee fomething, that I
thought muft be extraordinary. The ma-
lefactor was fixed in a chair upon a fraffok!
erecT:ed for that purpofe, and his head cut
off at one blow with a fword of about forty
feet long. The veins and arteries fpouted
up fuch a prodigious quantity of blood, and
fo high in the air, that the great jet d'enr^
at Verfailles was not equal for the time it
lafted ; and the head, v/hen it fell on the
Icaffold floor, gave fuch a bounce as made me
ftart, although I were at leaft half an Eng-
lilli mile diftant.
The queen, v/ho often ufed to hear mc
talX of my fca-\'oy?ges and took all orca-
ELEGANT EXTRACTS, Book n^.
3^
jlons to divert me when I was melancholy,
afked me whether I underlrood how to handle
a fail or an oar, and whether a little exercife
of rowing might not be convenient for my
health ? I anfvvered that I underftood both
very well : for although my proper employ-
ment had been to be furgeon or doftor to
the fhip, yet often upon a pinch I vvas forced
to work like a common mariner. But I
could not fee how this could be done in their
countrv, where the fmallell; wherry was equal
to a firft-rate man of war among us, and fuch
a boat as I could manage would never live
in any of their rivers. Her majefty faid,
if I would contrive a boat, her own joiner
ihould make it, and (he would provide a
place for me to fail in. The fellow was an
ingenious workman, and by inftruftion in
ten days finifiied a pleafure-boat, with all its
tackling, ab'.e conveniently to hold eight
Europeans. When it was finiihedthe queen
was fo delighted, that flie ran with it in her
lap to the king, who ordered it to be put in
a cillern full of water with me in it by way
of trial, where I could not manage my two
fculls, or little oars, for want of room. But
chfi queen had before contrived another pro-
j^d. She ordered the joiner to make a
V'ooden trough of three hundred feet long,
fifty broad, and eight deep, which being
well pitched, to prevent leaking, v.^^-s placed
on the floor along the wall in an outer room
of the palace. It had a cock near the bot-
tom to let out the water, when it began to
grow Itale ; and two fervants could eafiiy
ii!l it in half an hour. Here I often ufed to
row for my own diverfion, as well as that
of the queen and her ladies, who thought
thcmfelvcs well entertained with my ficill
and agility. Sometimes I v/ould put up my
fail, and then my bufmefs was,only to Iteer,
while the ladies gave me a gale with their
fans : and, when they were weary, fome of
the pages would blow my fail forward with
their breath, while I fncwed my art by Hear-
ing ftarboard or larboard, as T pleafed. When
I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried
back my beat into her clofet, and hung it on
a nail to dry.
In this exercife I once met an accident
which^had like to have coft me my life : for,
one of the pages having pjt my boat into
the trougii, the govcrncrfs, v/ho attended
Giumdaiclitch, very oinciouHy lifted me up
to place me in the boat,- but I happened to
fiip through her fingers, and Ihould infallibly
have fallen down forty feet upon the floor,
if. by the luckieft chance in the world, I had
r,ot been flopped by a corking-pin that ftuck
in the good gentlewoman's ftomacher ; the
head of the pin pafled between my Ihirt and
the waiftband of my breeches, and thus I
was held by the middle in the air, till Glum-
dalclitch ran to my relief.
Another time, one of the fer\'ants, whofa
office it was to fill my trough every third
day with frefh water, was fo carelefs to let a
huge frog (not perceiving it) flip out of his
pail. The frog lay concealed till I was put
into my boat, but then feeing a retting place
climbed up, and made it lean fo much on
one fide, that I was forced to balance it with
all my weight on the other to prevent over-
turning. When the frog was got in, it hop-
ped at once half the length of the boat, and
then over my head, backwards and forwards,
daubing my face and clothes with its odious
flime. Tiie largenefs of its features made
it appear the moll deformed animal that can
be conceived. However, I defired Glum-
dalclitch to let me deal with it alone, I
banged it a good while with One of my fculls,
and at lafl forced it to leap out of the boat.
But the greateft danger 1 ever underwent
in that kingdom, vvas from a monkey, who
belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen.
Glumdalclitch had locked me up in her clo-
fet, while fhe went fomewhere upon bufi-
nefs, or a vifit. The weather being very
warm, the clofet-window was left open, as
well as the windows and the door of my big-
ger box, in which I ufually lived, becaufe
of its largenefs and conveniency. As I fat
quietly meditating at my table, I heard fome-
thing bounce in at the clofet-window, and
fkip about from one fide to the other :
whereat although I was much alarmed, yet
I ventured to look out, but not ftirring from
my feat ; and then I faw this frolicfome ani-
mal friiking and leaping up and down, till
at lall he came to my box, which he feemed
to view with great pleafure and curiofity,
peeping in at the door and every window.
I retreated to the farther corner of my room,
or box, but the monkey looking in at every
fide put me in fuch a fright, that I v/anted
prefence of mind to conceal myfelf under
the bed, as I might eafily have done. After
fome time fpent in peeping, grinning, and
chattering, he atlaft efpied me, and reaching
one of his paws in at the door, as a cat does
when fhe plays with a moufe, although I
often fliifted place to avoid him, he at length
feized tKe lappet of my coat (which being
of that, country's lilk, was very thick and
ilrbng) and dragged me out. He took me
up in his right fore-foot, and held me as a
nurfe does a child fhe is going to fuckle, juft
as
Book IV.
NARRATIVES, DIALOGUES, &c.
S^if
as I have feen the fame fort of creature do
with a kitten in Europe : and when I offered
to ftruggle, he fqueezed me fo hard, that I
thought it more prudent to fubmit. I have
good reafon to believe, that he took me for
a young one of his own fpecies, by his often
ilroking my face very gently with his other
paw. In thefe diverfions he was interrupt-
ed by a noife at the clofeL-docr, as if fome-
body was opening it ; whereupon he fud-
denly leaped up to the window, at which he
had come in, and thence upon the leads and
gutters, walking upon three legs, and hold-
ing me in the fourth, till he clambered up to
a roof that was next to ours. 1 heard Glum-
dalclitch give a fhriek at the moment he was
carrying me out. The poor girl was almoft
diftradled : that quarter of the palace was
all in an uproar; the fervants ran for lad-
ders ; the monkey was feen by hundreds in
the court, fitting upon the ridge of a build-
ing, holding me like a baby in one of his
fore-paws, and feeding me with the other,
fay cramming into my mouth fome victuals
he had fqueezed out of the bag on one fide
of his chaps, and patting me when I would
not eat ; whereat many of the rabble below
could not forbear laughing ; neither do I
think they jurtly ought to be blamed, for,
without queftion, the fight was ridiculous
enough to every body but myfelf. Some of
the people threw up ftones, hoping to drive
the monkey down ; but this was llridly for-
bidden, or elfe very probably my brains had
been dafhed out.
The ladders were now applied, and
mounted by feveral men, which the monkey
obferving, and finding himfelf almoft en-
compafled ; not being able to make fpeed
enough with his three legs, let me drop on
a ridge tile, and made his efcape. Here I
fat for fome time, five hundred yards from
the ground, expecting every moment to be
blown down by the wind, or to fall by my
own giddinefs, and come tumbling over and
over from the ridge to the eves : but an ho-
neft lad, one of my nurfe's footmen, climb-
ed up, and putting me into his breeches-
pocket, brought me down fafe.
I was almoft choaked with the filthy ftuff
the monkey had crammed down my throat ;
but my dear little nurfe picked it out of my
.mouth with a fmall needle, and then I fell
a vomiting, which gave me great relief.
Yet I was fo weak, and bruifed in the fides
with the fqueezes given me by this odious
animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a
fortnight. The king, queen, and all the
«ourt, feut &^^vy day to enc^'oire after my
health, and her majefty made me feveraj
vifits during my ficknefs. The monkey was
killed, and an order made that no fuch ani-
mal fhould be kept about the palace.
When I attended the king after my re-
covery to reiurn him thanks for his favours,
he was pleafed to rally me a good deal upon
this adventure. He afked me what my
thoughts and fpeculatlons were while I lay in
the monkey's paw ; how I liked the viduah
he gave me ; his manner of feeding ; and
whether the frelh air on the roof had iharp-
ened my ftomach. He dehred to know,
what I would have done upo.t fuch an occa-
fion in my own country. 1 told his majefly,
that in Europe we had no monkeys, except
fuch as were brought for curiofitles from
other places, and fo fmall, that I could deal
with a dozen of them together, if they pre-
fumed to attack me. And as for that mon-
ftrous animal with whom I was fo lately en-
gaged (it was indeed as large as an elephant)
if my fears had fuffered me to think fo far
as to make ufe of my hanger (looking fierce-
ly, and clapping my hand upon the hilt, as
I fpoke) when he poked his paw into my
chamber, perhaps I ftiould have given him
fuch a wound, as would have made him glad
to withdraw it with more hafte than he put
it in. This I delivered in a fi:m tone, like
a perfon who was jealous, left his courags
fhould be called in queftion. However, m.y
fpeech produced noihing elfe befides a loud
laughter, which all the refpeft due to his
majefty from thofe about him could not make
them contain. This made me refieft, how
vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour
to do himfelf honour among thofe, who are
out of all degree of equality or comparifon
with hlni. And yet 1 have feen the moral
of my own behaviour very frequent in Eng-
land iince my return, where a little con-
temptible varlet, without the leaft title to
birth, perfon, wit, or common fenfe, fhail
prefume to look with importance, and put
himfelf upon a foot with the greateft pei ions
of the kingdom.
I was every day furnifhing the court with
fome_ ridiculous ftory; and Glumdaiclilch,
although ffie loved me to excefs, yet was
arch enough to inform the queen, whenever
I committed any folly that fhe thought would
be diverting to her majefty. The girl, v^ho
had been out of order, was carried, by her
governefs, to take the air about an iiour's
diftance, or thirty miles from town. They
alighted out of the coach, near a fmall toot-
path in a field, and* Glumdalclitch fetting
down my travellirg-box, I went out of it to
3^*
ELEGANT EXTRACTS,
Book IV.
walk. There was a cow-dung in the path,
and I muft needs try my aftivity, by at-
tempting to leap over it. I took a run, but
unfortunately jumped fhort, and found my-
felf juft in the middle up to my knees. I
waded through with feme diihculty, and one
of the footmen wiped me as clean as he could
with his handkerchief, for I was filthily be-
jnired, and my nurfe confined me to my box
till we returned home ; where the queen was
foon informed of what had pafTed, and the
footmen fpread it about the court ; fo that
all the mirth, for fome days, was at my ex-
pence. ,
CHAP. VI*.
Several contri'vances of the author to pleafe the
king and queen. He Jhe^vs his j% ill in mujic.
The king enquires into the Jl ate of England,
vshith the author relates to him. The king's
ahfer'vations thereon.
I ufed to attend the king's levee once or
twice a week, and had often feen him under
the barber's hand, which indeed was at firfl
very terrible to behold : for the razor was
almoft twice as long as an ordinary fcythe.
His majefty, according to the cuftom of the
country, was only fhaved twice a week. I
once prevailed on the barber to give me fome
of the fuds or lather, out of which I picked
forty or fifty of the llrongeft flumps of hair.
I then took a piece of fine wood, and cut it
like the back of a comb, making feveral
holes in it, at equal diftance, with as fmall a
needle as 1 could get from Glumdalclitch.
I fixed in the ftumps fo artificially, fcraping
and floping them with my knife towards the
point, that Lmade a very tolerable comb;
which was a feafonable fupply, my own be-
ing fo much broken in the "teeth, that it was
almoft ufelefs : neither did I know any artifl
in that country fo nice and exaft, as would
undertake to make me another.
And this puts me in mind of an amufe-
ment, wherein I fpent many of my leifure
hours. I defired the queen's woman to fave
for me the combings of her majefty's hair.
Whereof in time I got a good quantity, and
confulting with my friend the cabinet-maker,
\vho had received general orders to do little
jobs for me, I direfted him to make two
chair-frames, no larger than thofe I had in
my box, and then to bore little holes with a
fine awl round thofe parts where I defigned
the backs and feats ; through thefe holes I
wove the flrongefl hairs I could pick out,
juft after the manner of cane-chairs in Eng-
land. When they were finifhed, I made a
prefent of them to her majefly, who kept
them in her cabinet, and ufed to fhew them
for curiofities, as indeed they were the won-
der of every one that beheld them. Tte
queen would have had me fit upon one of
thefe chairs, but I abfolutely refuled to obey
her, protefting I would rather die a thoufand
deaths, than place a difhonourable part of
my body on thofe precious hairs that once
adorned her majefly's head. Of thefe hairs
(as I had always a mechanical genius) I
likewife made a neat little purfe, about five
feet long, with her majefty's name decy-
phered in gold letters, which 1 gave to Glum-
dalclitch, by the queen's confent. To fay
the truth, it was more for fhew than ufe,
being not of ftrength to bear the weight of
the larger coins, and therefore fhe kept no-
thing in it but fome»little toys, that girls are
fond of.
The king, who delighted in mufic, had
frequent concerts at court, to which I was
fometimes carried, and fet in my box on a
table, to hear them : but the noife was io
great, that I could hardly diftinguifh the
tunes. I am confident, that all the drums
and trumpets of a royal army, beating and
founding together, juft at your ears, could
not equal it. My pradlice v/as, to have my
box removed from the place where the per-
formers fat, as far as I could, then to fhut
the doors and windows of it, and draw the
window-curtains ; after which I found their
mufic not difagreeable.
I had learnt in my youth to play a little
upon the fpinet. Glumdalclitch kept one in
her chamber, and a mafter attended twice
a week to teach her : I called it a fpinet, be»
caufe it fomewhat refembled that inftrument,
and was played upon in the fame manner.
A fancy came into my head, that I would
entertain the king and queen with an Eng-
lifh tune upon this inftrument. But this ap-
peared extremely difficult : for the fpinet
was near fixty feet long, each key being al-
moft a foot wide, fo that with my arms ex-
tended, I could not reach to above five keys,
and to prefs them down required a good
In this chapter he gives an account of the political ftate of Europe. Orrsr Y.
1 his IS a miftake of the noble commentator, for Gulliver has here given a political account of no coun-
try but England : it is however a miftske, to which any comentator would have been liable, who had read
Jittle moi_e than the titles or contents of the chapter, into which this work is divided ; for the word Eu-
En 'I'n? '" Enghflj, acd all tht bj^; sditiviis bgen priptcd ia the till? pf this chapter, inftead of
(mart
Book IV,
NARRATIVES, DIALOGUES, &c.
fmart ftroke wkK my fift, which would be
too great a labour, and to no purpofe. The
method I contrived was this : 1 prepared two
round fticks, about the bignefs of common
cudgels ; they were thicker at one end than
the other, and I covered the thicker ends
with a piece of a moufe's Ikin, that, by rap-
Aig on them, I might neither damage the
tops of the keys, nor interrupt the found.
Eefore the fpinet a bench was placed about
four feet below the keys, and I was put up-
on the bench. I ran fideling upon it, that
way and this, as fail as I could, banging the
proper keys with my two fticks, and made a
ftiifr to play a jig to the great fatisfaftion of
both their majefties : but it was the moll vio-
lent exercife I ever underwent, and yet I
could not ftrike above fixteen keys, nor con-
fequently play the bafs and treble together,
as other artiils do, which was a great difad-
vantage to my performance.
The king, who, as I before obferved, was
a prince of excellent underftanding, would
frequently order that I fliould be brought in
my box, and fet upon the table in his clofet ;
he would then command me to bring one of
my chairs out of the box, and fit down with-
in three yards diftance upon the top of the
cabinet, which brought me almoft to a
level with his face. In this manner I
had fevcral converfatlons with him. I one
day took the freedom to tell his majefty, that
the contempt he difcovered towards Europe,
and the reft of the world, did not feem an-
fwerable to thofe excellent qualities of mind
that he was matter of: that reafon did not ex-
tend itfelf with the bulk of the body ; on the
contrary, we obferved in our country, that
the talleil perfons were ufually leaft provided
with it : that, among other animals, bees and
ants had the reputation of more ij|fiuftry, art,
and fagacity, than many of the larger kinds ;
and that, as inconfiderable as he took me to
be, I hoped I might live to do his majefty
fome fignal fervice. The king heard me with
attention, and began to conceive a much
better opinion of me than he had ever be-
fore. He defired I would give him as exa£l
an account of the government of England as
I poflibly could ; becaufe, as fond as princes
commonly are of their own cuftoms (for fo
he conjeftured of other monarchs by my
former difcourfes) he Ihould be glad to hear
of any thing fhat might deferve imitation.
Imagine with thyielf, courteous reader,
how often I then wiflied for the tongue of
Demofthenes or Cicero, that might have en-
abled me to celebrate the pT:'Sk of my own
'3%
dear native country in a ftyle equal to its
merits and felicity.
I began my difcourfe by informing his
majefty, that our dominions confifted of two
iflands, which compofed three mighty king-
doms under one fovereign, befides our plan-