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doesn't fail ;
Yes. the female of the species is more nervy than the

male.

When they stand before the altar and the preacher ties

the knot.
And he turns to leave the chancel with the prize that

he has got.
She's self-possessed and smiling, but bis cheek is

blanched and pale.
For the female, evidently, is more nervy than the male.

When he comes home in the morning as the clock is

striking two.
And his spouse prepares to give him what he knows

is but his due.
She cuts him short in anger as he starts to tell his tale ;
For the female, spurred to action, is more nervy than

the male.



iward, if he tries to plead



So it comes that man, the
his case,

Doesn't dare to stand before her with a calm, impas-
sive face;

lie may bluff and he may bluster, but his woeful lack
of sand

Is painfully apparent, for he heeds her least command.

And she's got the drop on hubbv. for by justice she is

backed;
She is glad In see bun humbled and she laughs to see

him hacked ;
You can take it from me, comrade, as we drink our

foaming ale,
That the female of the species is more nervy than

the male.

W. R. Shields.



A Steudint's Beeattitoods

Blessid iz thee kolleege studint with soore ize, for
hee doon't git kalled onn inn klass.

Blessud iz a proofessur whin hee iz sicke inn heed, fur
mi doon't haave too goo to none uv biz leectures.

Blessid iz thee goode athleete, for hee doon't haave
to p.i.iv noe expenzes while hee iz inn kolleege.

Blessud iz. thee krap shuter, for hee doon't haave
noe konsciense too hurte hem.

Blessud iz a studint with a mustash onn hiz top lyp,
for hee iz trying too bee a man.

Blessud iz thee kolleege widder, for thee days uv her
life are maany.

Blessud iz thee bootlicker, for hee standith inn thee
weigh uv hiz purfesser an sittith onn thee frunt roe
an passeth hiz eckzaminashuns,

Blessud iz he with a bulldorg an' walkin' kane, for
bee maketh sport fur thee multetudes.

Blessud iz the nocker, for onn the jedgemint dey
hee shall bee damned an cast intoo hel tire.




^ftwwwi,



How's That.-'



LIFE



Lexington

Charming cit\ smiling sweeth
'Neath the "Ulue Ridge shadows fair.

Nestled in thy beauty neatly
K issed by cli i\ er tinctui ed ail

Gem, upon the brow of Beauty,
Grand, majestic, fair, di\ ine.

N'ature here has done her duty.

scene her charms o unbine.



I 'rctty as a mi irning glory

i ireetcd by the dawning sun ;
Than a sofl voiced woman's story

Sweeter in a foreign tongue
Like a valley of wild flowers.

Like .1 blossomed orange grove.
Like the joy of happy hours,

S[)ed by thoughts of those we lovt



From the emerald cloud-kissed mountains

Through the sofl i Ictober haze
Gleaming, golden, glorious fountains

Woo the glad, enraptured gaze.
Bursting into streams of silver,

Threading through the valleys green,
\n'l remote again forever

Mingling in a common stream



So exquisite arc the landscapes

That in splendor roll away .
Blending Nature's choicest mandate

I n a 'witching, v\ ild bouquet ;
\nd as far as eye can follow

Feasts of Fanc\ charm the sight
Ever\ dell and dale and hollow

Glows a grander, glad delight



In the fragrant, floral wildw I

Sensuous songs and scenes we ■-
Birds of beauty ( Hi ! that I could

Their sweet lay s of lo\ e repeal .
Bui there is a loftier feeling

That beyond expression dwells
(As the soul in silence kneeling),

U In. h their happy ditty tells



\\ ashingti m and I ,ee, inum irtal

As tlu- school that bears their name

And. like it perfection's portal
I hey may well and justly claim .

I bough more lofty shafts we number
Thai bespeak their virtues pure,

Yel this college, w isdom's wonder,
Shall outlive them and endure.

True tall cenotaphs are glistening
Far above the white-winged clouds.

\nd grand monuments are kissing
\\ hich, tlii ir memory enshrouds :

But I ime's hi utal, hitter battles
I In 11 foundations will efface,

As an infant's pretty prattles
Tn maturer thoughts give place.



When tip -i synony ins ha\ e faded,

I' mblems true i if v;
And in Runic wrecks are braided

'Xeath the scythe that all must share.
Then, posterity may profit

Turning t" this grand old fane.
Learning fn mi the structui i ' . ilhii
I h< >se t \\ . ' greatest men



\\ here the CaiUpUS of til. i illegl

Spn .ill- a ri iy al > arpel green,
ili the sapphire-tinted

i 'f the maples tall I ween.
Eden has n.. picture even

That will equal or compare
hike a song -i t..Med legend

\re the charms si questered there

\ 1 1 • 1 the winding, witching river

Laughs along in lazy glee,
Like a shimmering sheet of silver

In the happy hills might he ;
\s I mutely watch u flowing

Down its shell-strewn channel free.
\ll my happy past aglowing

In its waves recurs t" me



( iirls ! ah. fairer than expression

Perfect poems, graceful, grand!
< e id, each charm in His i" issessii in.

I las permitted their command.
mil I wonder if I'm dreaming

Such perfection they embraci .
I hough like Fancy's pictures seeming.

Vet are Nature's purest grace

'Tis a maxim old and hoary

"That the brave deserve the fair;''
\ irginia, I" ith in si >ng and st< >ry 's

[•"allied for sons who'd do and dare.
Beautiful beyond devotion,

i i mquest in each happy glance.
I li iquence in each emotion.

Which like Music's chords entrance.



I (ere the southern "Stonewall" cherished,

Sleeps beneath the willow shade.
With him hope and victory perished.

And the "Stars ami Bars" decayed
Raised b\ loving hands and lender.

To the her- bold and brave.
Stands a monument of spli

O'er his green and garland grave



Lexington, fair Nature's minion.

Blessed with eh. nee. t sylvan scenes.
Romance spreads her myrtled pinion.

[•"aiiey linds her long-sought dreams
But enough, a vain endeavor

I ■ portray thy charms in \ ei se,
W dd I topia, in. one ever

i i illld tin beauty half rehearse.

\\ i 30ULD




A College Annual



T



L I F E

Af>-\ • l (~> £ 1 Marx looked exploited sitting there alongside of him

L>laSSlCal V^Oniab Well, when Ma. imi il looked like the; all came

Hooks were dropping right and left you couldn't be-

••The timi has come." the Walrus '-'" '" <- , " u »< ' cm seemed to me the) were ..11 there!

-To tall things; John Stuart Mill. Wlam Smith. K.cardo say you

I I, shoes and -hips and sealing-wax ought i" have seen Kicardo; he looked jusl like his

I ,uim of Kent and Malthus. ladylied "Id duck he

, , was nh, there was a hunch id em right thought I

s.iu Rousseau there too, hut maybe I didn't 1 dunno

an\ chapter in Herodotus, true s" i"anj fllI1I1 > looking guys it's hard to saj Tl



knew in. .-i < if 'em was b\ w hat the\ sai<l
l like their hooks for all the world And. say. what



the Hiini-Tum I'hi report of a chapel assembly
ves. true as the students' expenses estimate in

login what more can 1 (i '• "" suppose the) were holding the cam

It happened in 1909 one night 'Well, it was late "'at ' * h >- "' l;ilk " v . cr U ■'•shington and Lee In,

, lati (vet fo, that matter), and I a.i yersit) and Lexington in general say. wouldn t that

been t" Lvnchburg for Thanksgiving or something ol K "' you.

that sort -but whir's that got to do with it? I kiunc The) seemed to be prett) well .a-jiiamt.il from tin

what I saw saw it with mj own eyes Where? Why, jump, for that matter, and on tin whole it was a ven

in tin- Economics Library, of i mrse the old Eo>- informal gathering, as social affairs go in Lexington

nomics Library, before it was moved over to N'ew- It wasn't long till Machiavelli wanted to smoke well.

comb. Here. I'll tell you the whole thing he knew what to do, all right went straight over to

Everybod) had left hut me. because I was behind that cabinet of drawers against the wall, felt around

with my work and was pushing for all I was worth to for a while and came hack with a bag ol Tail Durham!

catch in) again il told you I had just been !■• Say, wdiat do you think he did then: Rolled ..

Staunton I I ua- scratching awa.i on ., report for cigarette? \'ot then; the next thing he did v..,- to

Tommy, with mv elbow resting on that big yellow go to the side window and look over toward N'ewcomb.

coluiiK of Karl Mars'- Capital, when I felt it slip, slip carefully long and carefully.

-lip ,,nt from under my arm. and whack! it hit the •Gone." he said, "1 reckon I'll risk it." I tell you

floor, broadside on. and. say. I hadn't I know it, I Mac hasn't been in the Economics Library three years

\ , .a 'i riu .- i 'I reached down to [or nothing,

pick the durn thing up. and I couldn't find it I got u ,,, h( . 5mokc d. and Marx smoked, and \dam

up aim stooped down under the table to look for it. s , ,,,,,, am , Ma „ mls ,,„,„-, u was a! „ ng a1unlt then

■'"d then of , it! nothing t hat I began to hear what thev were saving

K,t l " , < : ' ,,,,,r Shmmer from that arc-lamp out in Viu | )L . t voUr swee , |,,,.' \ ,,.;],,„ doesn't get a

front Well, it looked like time t,, adjourn, -, ■ I struck c ]iance like that ever\ thn

a mat, li -,, a- !,• get m\ truck together, and then . , ' !;,'. . . . . , , , ,

and then I saw Karl Uar.v! Xaturallv: Yataralh. " . v:ls - 1 " 1 " 1 Stl,arl Ml "- ' th,nk - ,h; " :,ske< ' thc

did \ • hi sav? Sav. it wasn't the I k not b\ a durn question

sight it ua- ///.!/.' "Say. Machiavelli. what do you think ol the wa_\

nh. ,,.„i ran laugh, hut I hunt' what I saw know t,:in S s : " v ^'ing llere? "
all 1 -aw and tin- ami a starter "I am delighted." he replied "Since 1 sesar I

There he was, sitting on the .due of that long table death unfortunate occurrence! I haw seen the prin

the window, with the light from the are lamp cities I laid down carried out nowhere so well a- in

shining .,11 round the side-. a In- mi-Ik whiskers, sit the management of tin- L'niversit) at present Sir.

ting then swinging In- foot and looking happ\ a- a the absolute elimination ol opposition i- the prime es-

l-'rcshman when Pa writes him what was on the bottom sential for wise and henehcent monarchical admims-

of hi- first mid-term report How did he get there? tration This. I maintain, ha- Keen conclusively shown

Sav. that ain't part of m\ ston Mavbe he just stepped >" 'he case you lane mentioned, -ir Did I deem it

out -I that cellow 1 k. mavbe oh, I dunno what necessary, I could readil) cite a conspicuous instanc.

hut just wait till I tell you the rest! >■' support ol my contention."

He never -aw me. neither did the others What I d,,n't know what Machiavelli ua- getting at. oi

other; Oh. I'm getting ahead of m\ varn It ua- course, hut he's been in the Economics Department
this iviii -Id Marx hadn't been sitting there long till some time, you see.

I heard something drop over on the other side of the When old Malthus caught the drift of things he had

room I know what it ua- now; it ua- that big red something i" saj too I ua- listening prett) sharp
// Principe you've seen it up there. I know you have after Machiavelli chimed in. so I got Malthus clowi

thing that had nine languages in the introduction prett) well Here's what he -aid

How d,, I know? Win. because when I looked over I am more ami more convinced ol the fundamental

ah. re ih, i k dropped there was say. what do you truth of the principle I applied to the matter ol i

think? l/d i . ' trm as I'm talking to you! lation. when I consider tin increase ,>i -indents ai

Machiavelli sitting up alongsidi ol Mars chummy a- tin- L'niversity It is obvious, since adequati i

,i out! Swinging In- feet? So ,,' That sort ,,t mcnl i- necessar) to propel academic training, and

■line i- .,11 right foi a giddy frivolous lot of chaps since the desire I >i such training will remain practi-

. the Germans, hut you don't look foi it in a serious call) in the same -tai.-. that when in a given institu-

ininded. -.date Italian liki Mae Say, ,-M Mac was a tioii the number "i students increases in a geometrical

stunner, lei mc tell you! Talk about your clothe- rati", and the equipment increases in an arithmetical

why. ih. I to church Sunday morning rati,,, t" say nothing "t the ability "i the same number

nh Machiavelli, not foi , minute Karl of instructors t" provide a larger amount of training,



LIFE



the result must be academic misery It is unnecessary,
iu my opinion, to indicate to you gentlemen the remedy
for such a condition; I have devoted a large part of
my second edition to the proposition of a plan in many
respects analogous to what I should most earnestly
recommend in this case."

It took me some time to get on to what Malthus was
talking about, hut. say. when you come to think it
over, the old guy was shooting pretty straight, wasn't
lie? They didn't say anything when he got through,
hut they sat there thinking mighty hard, all right

Ahuut that time Karl Marx seemed to yet a notion
that things were going too slow, so he turned to
Ricardo and said :

"Davy, what's an entrance requirement ?"

1 thought that he had old Ricardo stumped, hut he
came up all right

"An entrance requirement, - ' he said, "is a differential
estimate between what the given Freshman does know
and what the marginal Freshman, the Freshman of no
knowledge, would know under normal, average condi-
tions."

That'll hold you a while, won't it?

"But," Marx said, "suppose that under actual con-
ditions the two cases coincide — what would become of
your entrance requirement — what would it amount it.''

"Nothing, of course," replied Ricardo, "absolute
zero, nil."

"Well, doesn't that sometimes happen?" asked Marx.

"From my observation," said Ricardo, solemnly, "I
should be disposed to regard the term sometimes as
rather misleading."

I thought that was about enough on that subject,
but old Machiavelli had something bothering him

"I never was much of a conservative," lie said, "-
far from it — consequently I can not agree with Marx.
An entrance requirement ought to be nil in the inter-
est of the institution. You simply can not get the
numbers with a heavy entrance requirement — it's out
of the question. Why. to run a University like this a
low entrance requirement is as sacred and necessary
an institution as — as — as — a papal indulgence 1"

Gee! Nobody said a word, but they heard it all
right. Guess they had had about enough shop talk
for a while, for Ricardo turned around to Smith and
said :

"Adam, how long have you been up here?"

"1 came after you did," lie answered: "you got picked
up so. m, because you were on the shelf. 1 was a new
copy when I first came, so I had to be wrapped up and
put away. I didn't mind that so much, but — think of
ill — 1 was tied up for three years with a pink string!"

Man. you ought to have heard 'em laugh! Old
Adam Smith did look so mail!

John Stuart Mill hadn't said anything for some time;
he had something on his mind. When they had hail
their laugh at Adam Smith, Mill squared himself up.
and I knew something was on.

"Did it ever occur to you." he said, "that all claims
of aristocracy are ultimately reducible to the principle
of demand and supplj ':"

Well, it hadn't exactly occurred to me, but that
wasn't my cue to come on. so I stuck out one ear and
waited.



"Prominence, whatever the reason therefor, i- ex V\
termini rare. When a given claim of arisl
therefore, is based upon the prominence of one or
more specified ancestors, the demand for prominent
ancestors varies inversely with the number of such
ancestors available for reference in other words.
varies directly with the relative scarcity of ancestors
'I bus. where only one ancestor of prominence is avail-
able, the utility of that ancestor is incalculable, since
the given ancestor must satisf) the demand of the en-
tire aristrocratic claim A second ancestor would
have much, hut less, utility: a third, considerable, but
much less, and so on until we reach the marginal
ancestor, whose utlity is zero; and a still greater sup-
ply of ancestors would be a positive disutility, partly
because their very existence would detract from the
scarcity (since from the prominence) of the other
ancestors Under some conditions, the demand for
ancestors is stable: under other circumstances, the
supply, for the given aristocratic claim is fixed at a
given number of ancestors. I hit the demand is never
satisfied till the marginal ancestor, of no utility, is
arrived at.

"Logically, then, aristocracy can be reduced to abso
lute democracy by a very simple means the increase
of the number of available ancestors beyond the point
of marginal ancestral utility. The demand is then
more than satisfied: the last-availed-of ancestors con-
stitute a disutility and the demand not only ceases to
be longer a demand for the given aristocratic claim,
but with the addition of each ancestor to the then
available supply the prominence of the original an-
cestor, of maximum utility for the given aristocratic
claim is diminished until by continued additions a
point is reached where the prominence of the original
ancestor exactly coincides with the actual prominence
of the individual making the aristocratic claim. At
that point, consequently, the social importance of the
original ancestor (and so of all other ancestors) is no
greater than that of the descendant, so no aristocratic
claim is made, and — such a condition is a democracy"

i ih. lirace up! That's the worst, if it is bad enough
Machiavelli looked sick when John Stuart got through
with that \dam Smith just didn't understand a word
of it — you could see it plain as day m his face. Karl
Marx was tickled silly, and old Ricardo just leaned
over, so choked up he couldn't sav a word, and shook
hands with Mill.

I tell you those old geezers hadn't been in Lexington
all these years for nothing.

Well. I don't know what happened .liter that. Maybe
ir was that bunch of words John Stuart handed us—
1 dunno — but the next thing I knew daylight was.
streaming in the windows and I was sprawled out over
the table, rubbing my eves, with my notes all around
on the floor. And, say. there was that old yellow
volume of Capita; up on the shell— what do you know
about that?



Coiner is still at a loss to know just at what stage
a man ceases to he a gentleman and becomes a drunk
Here .1 is:

N'ot drunk is be who from the floor
Can rise again and drink once more:
Rut drunk is he who pri istrate lii -
And cannot either drink or rise



1(1



L I»F E




LIFE



n



Another If

If yon can keep your cash when all around you
Are wasting theirs on foolish, flighty girls;

If you keep mum when meddlers try to sound you,
And do not oast to hoys your precious pearls;

If you can drink, and drink in moderation,
\iii1 eat with /est, hut never gluttonize;

If you can wed, and show no trepidation
When wifey proves a harpy in disguise;

If you can think, and think, and not go crazy.

If you can love and yet not lie a fool;
Tf you can work when you are feeling lazy,

And Ions,' to join the others playing pool;
If you can hear to see the lass you are wanting

Smile on your rival, hut not speak to you;
If you can stand her coldness, his loud vaunting

If all these things, I say, don't make you blue;



Program for Second Meeting



The Woman's Civic League

No. 1.

Music; "When the Women Wear the Breeches, Chew
Tobacco, ami Smoke ( igarettes," by "The Lexington
Suffragette Quartet."

No 2.

\d.lress by the President Subject: "The Incom-
petency of Man and the Masculinity ol Woman."



If you can lose, and he a cheerful loser.

If you call win, and manifest no pride;
If. on occasion, you can be a bruiser.

\nd yet remain a gentleman, beside;
If you can win a partner for life's voyage,

And live with her in never-failing joy,
\< good Queen Mary lis cs with royal George,

I tell you what -you're just the cheese, my hoy,

Sheelsonsen.



\ paper by Mrs, F, F. V. Highbrow Subject: "Lex-
ington Society, the Twenty-nine Different Classes
Thereof, ami a More Accurate System of Classifica-



Solo; "When Yon Reach the Aye of Forty Yon Had
Heller Jon, the Suffragettes," by Miss Latilda Hasbeen



From the "Song of Songs"

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon
thine arm: for love is strong as death: jealousy is
cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals oj fire,
lahich hath a most vehement flame.

Many waters can not quench love, neither can the
floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance
o t his house for love, it would utterly lie contemned.

There's only one thing on this planet called earth.

The essence of Him whom we worship above,
Compared to which diamonds and gold have no worth -

And the name of this wonderful power is love.
Its language is known everywhere you may stray;

'Tis the law which makes stars in their orbits to move :
'In possess it I'd fling all I own far away,

For I care not for riches I hunger for love
"lis sweeter and dearer than Sharon's fair rose.

'Tis softer by far than the eyes of the dove.
It can not be quenched, though the water o'erflows;

The dark blood of sorrow can newer drown hue
Without it existence is dreary, my dear,

\s the heart in which woman her spell hasn't wove.
When the end of the vale of the shadow is near.

May my suffering spirit he lost in it — love.

Rustic Sw m v



Essay: "Presbyterianism, the Index of Social Dis-
tinction" by Mrs. Mary Aurelius

No 6.

Open discussion by tin- members of the League.
Subject: "The Boarding House Monopoly. Its Ad-
vantages and Groiving 'leniency."

Note: The membership of this club is limited ex-
clusively to ladies over the age of 45 who have
"!•', I ; . V." proclivities It is a pleasure to announce
thai in point of numbers our club eclipses all others.




7



LIFE



13



College Life's Picture Contest

WF. present on the opposite page a beautiful draw-
inn i" full natural color This is not a nature
fake, neither is it a guessing contest Origi-
nality and genius are not required in order to compete
in this contest. The only requisites are a pen and
paper and a little bit of good, common, horse sense.
We had not intended to expatiate upon this fact, hut
the truth will out, so we will make this startling reve-
lation. We have introduced this contest tor the pur-
pose of showing up just how few of our readers will
really have the requisite grain of horse sense to realize
that the only possible and proper appellation for the
creature represented is "Damn Fool." Now that we
have unwittingly given away the secret we will change
the contest a little and the handsome prize will be
awarded to the person sending in the answer m the
most original and unique form. And that leads us to
another point that we had neglected to mention The
prize will be a beautifully embossed ami colored wall
plaque bearing the device, "Two heads are better than
one, consider the barrel."

All answers must be legibly written on foolscap.

Xo answers will be received before noon to-morrow
nor after two o'clock next week.

All contestants must enclose a stamped and addressed
envelope for our use in explaining why each particular
answer does not merit the prize.

Address, Contest Manager, The College Life.



Life's Confidential Guide to the Theatres

Central. — McFarland in the "Bunco Man" Rather
slow, but a taker with the crowd.

Balasco. — Baby YVilkins, who last year as Miss
Thome in "Brown of Harvard," is the successful irn-
personator of Beulah Binford in her famous Salome
Wriggle.

Broadway.— "Mutt and Jeff," a rollicking musical
farce, with Skinny Williams and Jake Donahoe in the
title roles.

Century. — Fats Miller in "Horlick's Kaby" has the
"Yellow Kid," "Peck's Bad Boy" and "Buster Brown"
skinned a block. Xot even the "Newly Weds" can
claim such a baby.

Criterion. — Jesse James Jackson in "Love's Awful
Awfulness." Though the plot is slightly love-sickly,
Mr. Jackson plays his part sincerely.

Daly's. — Rodge Beddow in Shakespeare's "Hamlet."
In his soliloquy of life, he is at his zenith.

Empire. — Puss Irvin is making his debut as Pamola
Sigma in "RYE."



Gaiety.— Bill Ackerly and Sam Sherertz in "Mud
from Rockbridge."

Globe. — John Harmon i^ the Prima Donna with
Caruso, singing lor Columbia Records

Herald Square. — Leap is appearing in the "Sultan of
Dido." Notice later.

Hudson. — "Vanity Folic," a musical extravaganza,
starring the Newman Brothers.

Knickerbocker.— "The Veritable Millionaire," a rol-
licking farce with frank Moore in the title role.

Lyric. — "An Internation Romance" with Jack Latane.


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