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honor and veracity, and never have they
been found lacking in these qualities.



PERSONALS



l»r Discount Stevens was out of town
last week, being called to referee a bout
between "Kid" Tuff and "Red" Ruff.

Roderick Beddow and Garland Jack-
son attended the State V. M. C. A. Con-
vention at Ashland recently. They re-
port a good time, going and coming.

"Pup" (ilover. "Froggie" Gibson and
Rodge Beddow have recently volun-
teered for missionary work in China.

"bats" Miller has recently been made
coxswain of the Lusitania crew for
1913.

i li.nlie 1 1. ilt has withdrawn from col-
lide to enter the Union Theological
Seminary.

Mademoiselle Felicia Wilkins will be
seen next season at the Lyric in her
new play. "The Girl from Cairo."

Ted Leap came up from Lynchburg
. last week.
[continued on page 6.]



GREAT SALE NOW ON

Lyons Tailoring Co.

ALL 835.00 SUITS HAVE
BEEN REDUCED TO

$34.75
PAY WHILE WE WAIT



H. O. DOLE)

THE STUDENTS' FRIEND
wuo don't believe in advertising



Wishes to meet you face to face,

On the lirHt of the month in his corner place.

ONLY DISPENSES IN TOWN OF

HOT DOG

HOT AIR

AND HOT TALES OF EGYPT

Fresh supply of cukes just in last Christmas

Head my mottoes and you

will trade with me.



THE RANK-BUM FIE



ANNUAL FACULTY BASERALL GAME
SISSY AND SMITH STAR



The annual baseball game between the
Faculty teams was pulled off on the
first day of May. Miss Annie pro-
tested very strongly, as usual (this
year she wanted to substitute a May
pole dance), but Sissy and Judas were
successful in their solicitations of the
student vote, and the election was by a
large majority for the ball game.

The day was clear, and both teams
appeared in due time. Toady's team
won the toss and Sissy, taking his place
at the box, Siamese called the first
batter. Then came a hitch, and for a
while it looked as if the game were
doomed. Jack Latane started the fuss
by declaring he could not bat with anv
stick but that presented to him by his
dear friend Woodrow after the great
game ending the Historical Society's
Convention in 1888. Rod finally found
Miss Annie sitting upon the bat, still
hoping for a May pole dance. Jack
stepped to the plate. Doc called for
the long yell. And Siamese leaned ex-
pectantly forward. In vain! Sissy de-
clared he could start the game with none
other than the ball marked Nu sub
prime — "Teh, tch. No, P second was for
the lucky seventh. And Tch, tch, Tlicta
was always used in the ninth, tch, tch."
The proper ball was at last produced
from Siamese's back pocket and after
all traces of tobacco and gum had been
washed off by Harry Moran. the game
was started, amid a chicka-go-runk led
by the Doc and a sobful monologue on
the fickleness and ungratefulness of
mankind led by Miss Annie.

For eight innings parabolic and hyper-
bolic curves were solved at will, and
one after another the sages marathoned
from sack to sack ; the only breaks in
the monotony being a home run in four
steps by Liv in the fifth, a brilliant miss
of a pop-fly by Jingo in the sixth, and
a commonplace pick-up by Slouch in the
seventh, and then

The fateful ninth opened with the
score standing 38 to 30 in favor of the
Whys. Sissy's face was wreathed in
smiles as he produced Theta, while
Tommy stepped to the plate. Liv sig-
naled for a straight speedy one, and
Tommy laid down a perfect bunt, reach-
ing first safely by a combination roll
and slide. Howerton slouched to the
plate, muttering something about the
psychological moment, and by the action
of his subjective mind propelled the
ball to center. "Prithee, methinks the
hour is set," and Jingo faced the fiercely
twitching whiskers of the pitcher. Be-
ing brazed upon the tip of the elbow
he trotted to first. With the sacks all



occupied, Little Joe. after swinging
wildly for two wide ones, put up a pop
which John L. clutched from his
whiskers to register the first out. Old
Harry swung three times and by the
automatic rule was relegated to the
bench. Sissy, to display his double shoot
against the wily Judas, moved his foot
a centimeter to the left and delivered
the sphere. Judas fanned vainly. Daddy
yelled, "How's that, Mr. Ump?" And
Siamese stepped to the middle of the
field. "A balk" was his decision. In-
stantly pandemonium reigned. The
Whys rushed in from all sides, and
Sunny demanded a writ of error on
forty-four exceptions. Siamese, recog-
nizing the mystic ratio of 7 and 11,
stood firm. Sissy declared that the
separation of his foot from the rubber
could only have been a millimeter, and
that therefore, therefore, it was not pos-
sible by the laws of capillary attraction.
At this point the blue coats of Lexing-
ton appeared and complained that James
Lewis was disturbing the peace.

Siamese declared the game to proceed
in two minutes under penalty of for-
feiture. The declaration broke Sissy's
static calm, and a quartet of wild ones
pushed a tally over. Daddy poled a
long fly to the left garden, and Toady,
thinking more of the rabbit than the
catch, let the ball get by him. Four
counts were rung up before the bail
was returned to the diamond. The
break in the game had come. Mary
Jane Hancock took a joy ride to first
on four. And a fight ensuing between
Rod and Boozer, Sissy got wildly ex-
cited and issued another free pass to
Latane. Tommy lined a grass cutter to
Davy, and the latter by a computation
from "Railroad Curves and Earth-
works" intercepted the grounder, but,
making a false calculation as to stress,
heaved the ball into the grandstand.
Before it could be found the score was
tied.

Dr. Smith, having been delayed by a
reception committee of the town ladies,
rushed perspiring onto the field and was
called in as a pinch hitter. Toady ob-
jected, claiming he was debarred by
the one-year rule. However, a telegram
arriving from Mike — "Excellent young
man ; fine character ; congratulations"
— he was allowed to go to the plate.
He placed Sissy's first offering over the
fence, but, mistaking the lay of the
land, he ran the bases in inverse order.
Siamese called him safe, and the scrap
was on. Sissy insisted that as it was
the reverse of a run it counted one off
[continued on page 8.]



SIX HUNDRED PATRIOTS RESPOND
TO FREEDOMS CAIL

[continued from page 3]
to make an amendment to the motion
just offered by my friend 'Pitchfork.'
who was so thoughtful and considerate
as to remind you of the impertinence of
my previous remarks. I want to show
you that his motion is not a sure shot
and that it does not cover the whole
question. My argument is that, in addi-
tion to the boycott on 'Gummy', 'we do
jointly and severally refuse to pay the
various and sundry bills which we do
now owe him.' You can readily see
that my amendment will be beneficial to
us, and at the same time it will serve
as punitive damages for this infamous
discrimination which has been inflicted
upon us. So it has a two-fold aspect."

"Pitchfork" interrupts at this point
and begins : "Mr. President, this is a
useless amendment ; for the point is
fully covered in my motion. Any igno-
ramus ought to see that this is implied
from the language of my motion ; so,
Mr. President, I don't want my proposi-
tion butchered up in any such way."

"Pat" arises here. "Mr. President,
after hearing the gentleman's explana-
tion of his motion I withdraw my
amendment."

John Wesley Galloway, president oi
the Y. M. C. A., next responds to the
occasion. This noted character hails
from one of the hill counties of Arkan-
sas, where he was principal of the public
school and also superintendent of the
Sunday school. His ability to quote the
Scriptures was unlimited, and his de-
meanor was the very quintessence of
piety. Philosophy was his favorite sub-
ject, and he was generally designated as
"Psychological John."

He thus began: "Mr. President,
when but a few hours ago the old col-
lege bell began to spend her rhythmic
melodies upon the balmy breezes of
the sleepy morn. I had visions of the
great Millennium which is so beautifully
pointed out in the Book of Revelation,
and was exulting in the hope that this
day six hundred souls would be won
for the kingdom come. Eloquence has
struck upon the dull, cold ear of indif-
ference and moved, instead, six hundred
souls to a deathless revenge. So my
fondest expectations have been defeated,
and my only hope for the salvation of
this student body has been subjected to
the iron hand of revenge. After hear-
ing the situation discussed fully, and
seeing clearly that this student body has
been discriminated against, and being
from that grand old State where the
name of Jeff Davis has become immortal
(and of whom I, mvself, am a most
ardent disciple), I am bound to cast my
[continued on page 7.]



THE RANK-BUM FIE



PERSONALS
[CONTINUED from page 4.]
The Tidewater Club was the hosl at
an informal reception given recently on
the athletic field.

C. E. Burks, "The Gentleman from
Mississippi," has decided to enter the
political arena in his native state We
predict his efforts will be successful on
account of his splendid training along
that line while in this University.

Quite a number of the students are
planning to emigrate to Kansas in the
summer and engage in work in the
wheat fields. Among those not going
are "Sheep" Shiles and "Tubby" Web-
ster.

At a recent meeting of the West Vir-
ginia Club, it was decided to raise a
subscription in order to send a mission-
ary to their native state

Mademoiselle Johnette Graham will be
seen at the Lyric next week in "The
Midnight Follies of East Lexington."
Mile. Graham is a third cousin of the
notorious Lilliam Graham, who was im-
plicated in the shooting of W. E. D.
Blokes, in New York. For this reason
she should prove a drawing card.

Notice: In the last issue of the
Rank-Bum Fie I noticed that I was re-
ported as having attended church on
the Sunday before. I wish you would
correct the error, as 1 did not attend
church hut corrected test problems all
day. — W. LeConte Stevens, B \ .
Ph. D.



MILEY'S LIVERY



John W. Miley, Prop.
Lexington, Va.



STYLISH DRIVING HORSES

A SPECIALTY

Special rates on Carriages on day of
Boat Race

YOU GET THE GIRL

LET ME FURNISH THE RIO



HAYDEN HOLMES

RESTAURANT



OPEN NKJHT AND DAY

IMPROMPTU BANQUETS

OUR SPECIALTY

FOR RECOMMENDATIONS OF SAME
SEE "13" CLUB

Lexington Restaurant

FOR LADIES. GENTLEMEN
AND STUDENTS

OPEN ALL NIGHT AND

SPECIAL ATTENTION GIVEN TO INEBRIATES



UNIVERSITY BARBER SHOP

DICK FOX, Proprietor

IN ORDER TO COMPETE WITH THE SAFETY

RAZOR TROST WE MAKE THE PRICE

OF A SHAVE TEN CENT8

CREDIT TO ALL



LET DING-DONG SERVE YOU

POOL ROOM IN THE REAR. WEEKLY

BENEFIT FOR ATHLETICS. COME

IN AND HELP THE TEAM



Our culinary department has reached the
highest point of Grecian Art

RAW EGGS



W. C. STUART

POPULAR BOOKS

AT

UNPOPULAR PRICES

IF DESIRING ANYTHING IN THE LIVERY
LINE CALL ON DS. >:XCELLENT STOCK OF

JACKS and PONIES



Sb



SERVED IN SEVEN DIFFERENT STYLES SAFE RIDING FOR STUDENTS



VARSITY FIXINGS

YOU FIND THEM ALL
AT THE

g>liop of (jjhtalttg



IF YOU DON'T FIND WHAT Y'OU WANT HERE
GO TO ODR OTHER STOKE



UP THE STREET



GRAHAM & CO.



We Have the Place
We Have the Tables

COME IN AND RUN UP A BILL. MONTHLY
STATEMENTS ISSUED, BUT

NO COLLECTIONS MADE

BRAND-NEW SODA FOUNTAIN
EXCELLENT SERVICE

DRINK WHILE YOU PLAY

LEXINGTON POOL CO.



THE RANK-BUM FIE



SIX HUNDRED PATRIOTS RESPOND
TO FREEDOM'S CALL

[continued from page 5.]
lot for the cause of freedom which you
so strenuously demand. In my action I
am guided solely by my conscience and
the sense of righteousness. I am heart-
ily in favor of boycotting 'Iky' and
'Gummy' both. But after the boycott
goes «>n, Mr. President, I suggest that
you appoint a committee to investigate
this matter, just to see if these victims
are really guilty of the crime with which
they are charged. I think that the situ-
ation has been sufficiently discussed, so
I call for the question."

At this point the word "question"
goes up from a hundred seats at once.
The motion is put and almost unani-
mously carried. Pandemonium reigns
for at least ten minutes.

The president appointed Pat Henry,
Pitchfork, and John Wesley as a com-
mittee to investigate and see if "Iky"
and "Gummy" were guilty or not, and
then adjourned the meeting till the fol-
lowing Monday at 3 o'clock, when the
assembly would convene again to hear
the report of the committee.

Five days have passed, and on Mon-
day afternoon at 3 o'clock six hundred
students are again gathered together in
the Chapel to hear the report of the
committee which had been appointed at
the last meeting to investigate the
charges against "Gummy" and "Iky."
The convention is called to order, and
"Pitchfork," chairman of the committee,
opens the ball thusly : "Mr. President,
since we last gathered here this com-
munity has been the subject of a great
metamorphosis in things both terrestrial
and celestial in their nature. The voice
of reason has been crying forth in the
wilderness, and at last her alluring call
has led into the ways of truth. Re-
pentance, with her magic wand, has also
been busy on the way ; so hear me while
I sing my song of righteousness.

"We started this investigation by an
interview with 'Gummy' in his place of
business. He received us with a cordial
greeting and bowed his head nearly
down to the floor as a token of respect.
Ordinary chairs were too common, so
he provided us a special seat of honor
and he himself remained standing all
the while. He straightway denied the
charges on which he had been convicted,
and then began to produce evidence to
show his high esteem for students. Each
member of the committee was presented
with a five-cent package of 'Home-Run'
cigarettes and given soda tickets enough
to last the rest of the year, which I
think will come in most conveniently
when the weather turns a little warmer.
He smote each of us on the cheek and
declared that we were a bunch of most



excellent young men. So. I think that
this all goes to show that 'Gummy' has
a tender spot in his heart for students,
and that he is their friend. In the light
of this evidence the committee finds
that as to 'Gummy,' he has been rather
harshly treated, and in justice to him
recommends that the boycott be raised.
"The committee concluded its work
by looking into the charges against 'Iky.'
We had arranged for a date with him,
and the interview was to be held in his
private office. When the committee
walked in he was repenting in sack-cloth
and ashes, and was calling on his father,
Abraham, for forgiveness. Sweet in-
cense was burning upon the table, and
the whole surrounding presented an
aspect of holiness. He greeted us by
falling upon the neck of each and pla-
cing a kiss upon the left cheek. Each
member of the committee was presented
with a season ticket to the Lyric, after
which a letter was given us in trust to
be read to the student body. Permit
me here to read the letter :

'Lyric Theatre, Jan. 25, 1912.

To the Students of Washington and
Lee University. Lexington, Va.

Most Dear Students :

Vat has troubled me so very much
in de days so recent is de boycott. I
am so very sorry dat you haf been de-
prived of so many nice good picture
shows by not being permitted to see
dem. It is quite a sacrifice to me out-
side of my regular business to furnish
such good nice picture shows for de
students: but I lufe de sentiment vat is
connected with the business, and want
to prove to you dat dis sentiment comes
out of my lufe for you students. As a
further testimonial of my innocence I
vant to add that I haf arranged to have
The Lyric put on Keith's Circuit for de
special benefit of students.

Hoping dat these explanations in
writings will be clear, I am.

Yours in brotherly lufe,

Iky.'

"Now, Mr. President, here it a letter
just bubbling over with magnanimity
and filial affection, and what evidence of
the innocence of this man could be
stronger? So. for the reasons which I
have just stated, the committee finds
'Iky' innocent and recommends that the
boycott be lifted from him."

A motion is now made to adopt the
report and the question is thrown open
to the house for general discussion.
John Wesley Galloway is recognized,
who proceeds as follows :

"Mr. Chairman, when I arose here last
Wednesday and, defying the voice of
reason, endorsed the boycott, no doubt



some of you were amazingly surprised.
'There was method in my madness.' I
knew that this student body was on the
way to destruction, and that something
had to be done to save it. So the key
to salvation, 'Repent and ye shall be
saved,' flashed into my mind. Knowing
the circumstances, I felt sure that, if the
boycott went on, the students would
learn the truth later and repent for their
wrongdoing, and thereby, in accordance
with the precious words which I have
just quoted, reap the reward of salva-
tion. Thus the motive for my position
on this question at our last meeting.
and in conclusion 1 want to say that this
boycott has not been without its good
results."

The question was put and the report
of the committee was unanimously
adopted. The meeting was then ad-
journed sine die, and five minutes later
two hundred students were standing
around "Gummy's" soda fountain and
all calling for "chocolate shakes" at the
same time.



I Have a Place
Also Some Tables



RESTAURANT IN THE REAR
EAT WHILE YOU PAY

I SERVE PIEDMONTS, GUM and CADETS

ESQUIRE GRANGER



Dutch Tea Room



QUICK LUNCHES

SERVED WHILE YOU WAIT



PHONE US YOUR ORDERS

AN HOUR BEFORE

YOU ARRIVE



THE RANK-BUM FIK



ALUMNI NOTES



Fred V'alz, LL B., '11. was sen at
his office in Staunton one day last week.

R < 1 Thach, '1 1. whi i is now attend-
ing the University of Alabama, recently
organized a \\ & L Alumni Associa
tion there, He was elected president.
G II Denny, a former resident of Lex-
ington, is an honorary member.

Joe R. Saunders, LL B., '11, was re-
cently elected justice of the peace of his
native township, after a close and ex-
i mi:' campaign.

Bland Terry. ex-'13, has been visiting
in Lexington this winter.

() (' Jackson, 1.1. I'. '10, is practic-
ing in Ins native Lexington, Being a
little afraid of a single struggle, Otho
lias recentlj secured a helpmate, and
now connubial bliss relieves him of his
arduous labor.

With the admonishments of his hap-
i i\ mated friend in his ear, "Go thou
and do likewise" "Jack" Kelly, ex-'ll,
has recently taken a chance in the matri-
monial lottery.



ANNUA! FACULTY BASEBALL GAME

[continued from page 5]
the score, thus giving his team the game,
Sunny came hack that by the rule in
Shelly's case the liases had reversed
themselves and the run counted. Li\ in-
sisted that by the differentiation of a run
it would he against the laws of mathe-
matics to count it But Joe replied that
by the equitable doctrine of conversion
the Who's Whos had the game lames
lewis was in the midst of an explana-
tion of how the chemistry of the
neutralization of acids and salts affected
the case when darkness descended
Siamese, now declaring that it was tOO
dark to continue the game, and Miss
Annie going home to supper, it was de
cided to put the question before the
Trustees for their decision So ended

one of the fiercest and hardest fought
games in the annals of Faculty baseball.
The teams lined up as follows :
win s u no's w Ilos

Toady (("apt ). If. Jack. 2d
Ion n 1. , ss Tom m i . rf

Davy, cf. Slouch, If.

I. iv. c. Jingo, p.

Srx NY. rf. rot . cf

I \ MES law i-. 2.1 ( 'i n 1 1 \i;i;\ , c

( Ir \\. 1st Judas ( Capt. i, s^

(Ytky. 3d. I )addy, 1st

Sissy, p M vri J \ne, 3d

N S\l I I II

1 Impire Siamese Bat boy : Beddow
Water hoy ; Moran. Scorekeeper: Uncle
Jeff. Mascot; The shade of Boozet
Cheer leader : I >oc Pollard,

x hatted for Slouch in the ninth.



DR. BLATANE STARTS UPON

TOUR OF UNITED STATES

[COM I \ Ml' FROM I' \'.K 2.]

His journey was one of triumph The
track for miles was lined with a multi-
tude of cheering people The Doctor
seemed greatly touched by these evidences
of good will, and frequently his hand-
kerchief was required to dry his flowing
cms Tlie scenerj was beautiful Many
daisies grew in near-by fields. These
the Doctor greatly admired, once ex-
pressing a desire for a hunch of them.
Mr O'Dold, who wished to accede to
the Doctor's every wish, immediately
procured a large bunch of the dainty
flowers, tins being made possible by the
leisurely progress of the train.

\t Timber Ridge the Doctor ad-
dressed tin "Old Ladies' Dorcas So-
ciety," from the rear platform. His
subject was, "Corns, and how to treat
them." He handled the subject in a
masterly manner, eliciting much ap-
plause.

When Staunton was reached it was
learned that the local "Female Suffrage
Club" had turned out en masse to in-
terview the Doctor. ITpon learning this
he manifested great agitation and
shrunk timidly into the depths of the
-rat His nerves were so violently af-
fected by this deplorable episode that he
was forced to take to his hunk, remain-
ing there until Washington was reached.

lie was so fatigued by his journey
that he went immediately to his hotel.
and Mr. O'Dold denied admittance to
all.

The Doctor will remain two days
iti Washington, during which time he
will straighten out the affairs of a
crooked Congress, confer with Presi-
dent I aft. encourage Wood-pile Wis
dom, and put a crimp in Theo, Roose-
velt. He will also address numerous or-
ganizations for the promotion of world
piace. and also the "Lydia E. Pinkham
Vegetable Compound Chapter" of the
" American Federation of Incompetent
Females."

from there he will proceed to New
York, where he will dine with Mary
Garden and Eva Tangway. Then he
will go in Chicago and San Francisco,
returning by the Southern route

Mr. Pushem Penwell will write, daily.
a detailed account of the tour lor this
paper We feel that we are performing
:\ gnat service to the public in thus
bringing them into such close contact
with the doings of the noted Doctor



WANT ADS.



WAXTFD — Twenty industrious young
men I can give twenty industrious
young men permanent employment on
my simple test problems, \o knowl-
edge needed and little given. No
athlete need apply.

Si~sv Discount Stevens.

WAXTFD— Fifty fat men. [f you are
afflicted with an excess of avoirdu-
pois try my safe and speedy treat-
ment I guarantee to make you lean
in one month,

J. C, DtSHER,

University Commons.

Try my sure cure for insomnia. At
least one hour of peaceful sleep guar-
anteed daily

Dr. Greenvale Cowbell.
Taurus Hall.

WANTED— By Mr. Hugh White, ap-
plicants for course in Commerce V.
Unless more members of this class
are obtained it must be discontinued.



WANTED— By Hoard of Trustees, a
President who is willing to visit
alumni associations and banquets.



WANTED— By the Freshman Class, a
competent Sophomore Vigilance Com-
mittee. Self-Government is a failure.



ADAMS EXPRESS CO.



Sissy: Mr. Gibson, what is a vac



Gibson: I know, but I can't express
it. I've got it in my head.



DISTRIBUTING AGENTS

FOR WASHINGTON, STAUNTON,

ROANOKE and LYNCHBURG

BREWERY ASSOCIATIONS

REDUCED RATES
ON BARREL ORDERS

ALL SHIPMENTS UNDER ONE GALLON

MUNT BE CALLED FOR

AT THE OFFICE



THE RANK-BUM FIE




The Loser's Lay.



In the old Lee Dormitory, looking east- "Ship me somewhere out of college,

ward to the hills where a man like me ain't bled,

The crap-shooters are sitting, each with Where there aren't no bones a-rolling,

his coin and bills. and a guy can keep ahead.

You can hear the bones a-rolling, and For I hear my parents calling, and it's

the one behind them cries: soon at home I'll be,

"Come you seven, come you 'leven : By the old farm on the river, where no

don't roll 'box cars' or 'bird eyes.' bones can worry me.

"Come you seven, oh, I pray, "Oh ! the wild oats I learned to sow.

Don't refuse me, bones, to-day ; When out with the boys I'd go ;

Can't you see that guy a-fooling me Can't you see 'dead soldiers' lying, piled

with coin to throw away. on the ground below?

And the poker game don't pay, But soon with plough and hoe

For a guy like me can't stay, I will forget to know

Since the pot is up so high I'd never The old Lee Dormitory, and the boys

have a say. who won my dough."



A Ball-Boom Ballad.



Trials of a Freshman.



Break ! break ! break !

And dance with this girl for me.


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