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Shakespeare's history of King Henry the Fourth (Volume 2) online

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Compare with Caesars, and with Cannibals,
And Trojan Greeks? nay, rather damn them with
King Cerberus ; and let the welkin roar.
Shall we fall foul for toys?

Hostess. By my troth, captain, these are very bitter
words. 150

Bardolph. Be gone, good ancient ; this will grow to
a brawl anon.

Pistol. Die men like dogs ! give crowns like pins !
Have we not Hiren here?

Hostess. O' my word, captain, there 's none such
here. What the good-year ! do you think I would
deny her? For God's sake, be quiet.

Pistol. Then feed, and be fat, my fair Calipolis.
Come, give 's some sack.

Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento. 160

Fear we broadsides? no, let the fiend give fire.
Give me some sack ; and, sweetheart, lie thou there.

\_Laying down his sword.
Come we to full points here, and are etceteras nothing?

Falstaff. Pistol, I would be quiet.

Pistol. Sweet knight, I kiss thy neif. What ! we
have seen the seven stars.

Doll. For God's sake, thrust him down stairs ; I
cannot endure such a fustian rascal.



68 Second Part of King Henry IV [Act ii

Pistol. Thrust him down stairs ! know we not Gal-
loway nags? 170

Falstaff. Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-
groat shilHng; nay, an a' do nothing but speak
nothing, a' shall be nothing here.

Bardolph, Come, get you down stairs.

Pistol. What! shall we have incision? shall we
imbrue? — \_Snaiching tip his sword.

Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days !
Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
Untwine the Sisters Three ! Come, Atropos, I say !

Hostess. Here 's goodly stuff toward !

Falstaff. Give me my rapier, boy. iSo

Doll. I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw.

Falstaff. Get you down stairs.

\_Draztnng, and driving Pistol out.

Hostess. Here 's a goodly tumult ! I '11 forswear
keeping house, afore I '11 be in these tirrits and frights.
So ; murther, I warrant now. — Alas, alas ! put up
your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.

\_Exeinit Pistol and Bardolph.

Doll. I pray thee, Jack, be quiet ; the rascal 's gone.
Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you !

Hostess. Are you not hurt i' the groin? methought
a' made a shrewd thrust at your belly. 190

Re-e7iter Bardolph

Falstaff. Have you turned him out o' doors?



Scene IV] Second Part of King Henry IV 69

Bardolph. Yea, sir. The rascal 's drunk. You have
hurt him, sir, i' the shoulder.

Falstaff. A rascal ! to brave me !

Doll. Ah, you sweet little rogue, you ! Alas, poor
ape, how thou sweatest ! come, let me wipe thy face ;
come on, yoa whoreson chops. — Ah, rogue ! i' faith,
I love thee ; thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy,
worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than
the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain ! 200

Falstaff. A rascally slave ! I will toss the rogue in
a blanket.

Enter Music

Page. The music is come, sir.

Falstaff. Let them play. — Play, sirs. — A rascal
bragging slave ! the rogue fled from me like quicksilver.

Doll. V faith, and thou foUowedst him like a church.
Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when
wilt thou leave fighting and foining, and begin to patch
up thine old body for heaven? 209

Enter, behmd, Prince Henry and Poins, disguised

Falstaff. Peace, good Doll ! do not speak like a
death's-head ; do not bid me remember mine end.

Doll. Sirrah, what humour 's the prince of?
.^Falstaff. A good shallow young fellow; a' would
have made a good pantler, a' would ha' chipped bread
well.

Doll. They say Poins has a good wit.

Falstaff. He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his



yo Second Part of King Henry IV [Act il

wit 's as thick as Tewksbury mustard ; there 's no
more conceit in him than is in a mallet.

Doll. Why does the prince love him so, then? 220

Falsfaff. Because their legs are both of a bigness,
and a' plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel,
and drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons, and rides
the wild-mare with the boys, and jumps upon joined-
stools, and swears with a good grace, and wears his
boots very smooth, like unto the sign of the leg, and
breeds no bate with teUing of discreet stories; and
such other gambol faculties a' has, that show a weak
mind and an able body, for the which the prince ad-
mits him, for the prince himself is such another ; the
weight of a hair will turn the scales between their
avoirdupois. 232

Prince. Would not this nave of a wheel have his
ears cut off?

Poins. Let 's beat him.

Prince. Look, whether the withered elder hath not
his poll clawed like a parrot.

Falsfaff. Kiss me, Doll.

Prince. Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction !
what says the almanac to that? 240

Poins. And, look, whether the fiery Trigon, his
man, be not lisping to his master's old tables, his note-
book, his counsel-keeper.

Falsfaff. Thou dost give me flattering busses.

Doll. By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant
heart.



Scene IV] Second Part of King Henry IV 71

Fills /aff. I am old, I am old.

Do/I. I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy
young boy of them all. 249

Falstaff. What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall
receive money o' Thursday ; thou shalt have a cap to-
morrow. A merry song, come ! it grows late. Thou 'It
forget me when I am gone.

Doll. By my troth, thou 'It set me a-weeping, an
thou sayest so ; prove that ever I dress myself hand-
some till thy return. — Well, hearken the end.

Falstaff. Some sack, Francis.

Prince. ) . ^ _, .

„ . >- Anon, anon, sir. \_Coining forwai-d.

Falstaff. Ha ! a bastard son of the king's ? — And
art not thou Poins his brother? 260

Prince. Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what
a life dost thou lead !

Falstaff. A better than thou ; I am a gentleman,
thou art a drawer.

Prince. Very true, sir ; and I come to draw you out
by the ears.

Hostess. O, the Lord preserve thy good grace ! by
my troth, welcome to London. — Now, the Lord bless
that sweet face of thine ! O Jesu, are you come from
Wales ? 270

Falstaff. Thou whoreson mad compound of maj-
esty, by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art
welcome.

Doll. How, you fat fool ! I scorn you.



72 Second Part of King Henry IV [Act ii

Poins. j\Iy lord, he will drive you out of your re-
venge and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the
heat.

Prince. You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely
did you speak of me even now before this honest,
virtuous, civil gentlewoman ! 2S0

Hostess. God's blessing of your good heart ! and so
she is, by my troth.

Falstaff. Didsi thou hear me?

Prince. Yea, and you knew me, as you did when
you ran away by Gadshill ; you knew I was at your
back, and spoke it on purpose to try ray patience.

Falstaff. No, no, no, not so ; I did not think thou
wast within hearing.

Prince. I shall drive you then to confess the wilful
abuse ; and then I know how to handle you. 290

Falstaff. No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour, no abuse.

Prince. Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler
and bread-chipper and I know not what?

Falstaff. No abuse, Hal.

Poins. No abuse?

Falstaff. No abuse, Ned, i' the world ; honest Ned,
none. I dispraised him before the wicked, that the
wicked might not fall in love with him; in which do-
ing, I have done the part of a careful friend and a
true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it.
No abuse, Hal; — none, Ned, none : — no, faith, boys,
none. 3°^

Prince. See now, whether pure fear and entire cow-



Scene ivj Second Part of King Henry IV 73

ardice doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentle-
woman to close with us? is she of the wicked ? is thine
hostess here of the wicked? or is thy boy of the
wicked ? or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his
nose, of the wicked?

Foiiis. Answer, thou dead elm, answer. 309

Falstaff. The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph
irrecoverable ; and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen,
where he doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the
boy, there is a good angel about him ; but the devil
outbids him too.

Prince. For the women?

Falstaff. For one of them, she is in hell already, and
burns, poor soul. For the other, I owe her money;
and whether she be damned for that, I know not.

Hostess. No, I warrant you. 319

Falstaff. No, I think thou art not ; I think thou art
quit for that. Marry, there is another indictment
upon thee, for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house,
contrary to the law ; for the which I think thou wilt
howl.

Hostess. All victuallers do so ; what 's a joint of
mutton or two in a whole Lent?

Prince. You, gentlewoman, —

Doll. What says your grace ?

Falstaff. His grace says that which his flesh rebels
against. \_Knocking within.

Hostess. Who knocks so loud at door ? — Look to
the door there, Francis. 333



74 Second Part of King Henry IV [Act il



Enter Peto

Prince. Peto, how now ! what news ?

Pcto. The king your father is at Westminster ;
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north ; and, as I came along,
I met and overtook a dozen captains.
Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns,
And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff.

Prince. By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame,
So idly to profane the precious time 341

When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.
Give me my sword and cloak. — Falstaff, good night.

\_Exemit Prince Henry, Poins, Peto, and Bardolph.

Falstaff. Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the
night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked. —
\_Knocking within.~\ More knocking at the door ! —

Re-enter Bardolph

How now ! what 's the matter?

Bardolph. You must away to court, sir, presently; 350
A dozen captains stay at door for you.

Falstaff. [ To the Page~\ Pay the musicians, sirrah.
— Farewell, hostess ; — farewell, Doll. You see, my
good wenches, how men of merit are sought after ; the
undeserved may sleep when the man of action is called



Scene IV] Second Part of King Henry IV 75

on. Farewell, good wenches ; if I be not sent away
post, I will see you again ere I go.

Doll. I cannot speak ; if my heart be not ready to
burst, — well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

Falstaff. Farewell, farewell, 360

\_Exeunt Falstaff and Bardolph.

Hostess. Well, fare thee well. I have known thee
these twenty-nine years, come peascod-time ; but an
honester and truer-hearted man, — well, fare thee well.

Bardolph. [Wit/u'n'] Mistress Tearsheet !

Hostess. What 's the matter?

Bardolph. [ IVithiii] Bid Mistress Tearsheet come
to my master.

Hostess. O, run, Doll, run ; run, good Doll ; come.
\_She comes blubbered.'] Yea, will you come, Doll?

\_Exeunt.




Falstaff and his Recruits



A



ACT III

Scene I. Westminster. The Palace

Enter the King in his nightgown, with a Page

King. Go call the Earls of Surrey and of Warwick ;
But, ere they come, bid them o'er-read these letters,
And well consider of them. Make good speed. —

\_Exit Page.
How many thousand of my poorest subjects
Are at this hour asleep ! — O Sleep, Q gentle Sleep,
Nature's soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
And steep my senses in forgetfulness?
Why rather. Sleep, liest thou in smoky cribs,

76



Scene I] Second Part of King Henry IV 77

Upon uneasy pallets stretching thee 10

And hush'd with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber,

Than in the perfum'd chambers of the great,

Under the canopies of costly state,

And luU'd with sound of sweetest melody?

O thou dull god, why liest thou with the vile

In loathsome beds, and leav'st the kingly couch

A watch-case or a common larum-bell?

Wilt thou upon the high and giddy mast

Seal up the ship-boy's eyes, and rock his brains

In cradle of the rude imperious surge 20

And in the visitation of the winds,

Who take the ruffian billows by the top,

Curling their monstrous heads and hanging them

With deafening clamour in the slippery clouds,

That with the hurly death itself awakes ?

Canst thou, O partial Sleep, give thy repose

To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude,

And in the calmest and most stillest night,

With all appliances and means to boot, /

Deny it to a king? Then, happy low, lie down ! 30

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.



N



Enter Warwick and Surrey

Warwick. Many good morrows to your majesty !
Ki?ig. Is it good morrow, lords?
Warwick. 'T is one o'clock, and past.
King. Why, then, good morrow to you all, my lords.
Have you read o'er the letters that I sent you ?



7 8 Second Part of King Henry IV [Act iii

Wanvick. W'e have, my liege.

King. Then you perceive the body of our kingdom
How foul it is ; what rank diseases grow,
And with what danger, near the heart of it. 40

IVaj-wick. It is but as a body yet distemper'd,
Which to his former strength may be restor'd
With good advice and little medicine.
My Lord Northumberland will soon be cool'd.

Kitig. O God ! that one might read the book of fate,
And see the revolution of the times
Make mountains level, and the continent,
Weary of solid firmness, melt itself
Into the sea ! and, other times, to see
The beachy girdle of the ocean 50

Too wide for Neptune's hips ; how chances mock.
And changes fill the cup of alteration
With divers liquors ! O, if this were seen.
The happiest youth, viewing his progress through,
What perils past, what crosses to ensue.
Would shut the book, and sit him down and die.
'T is not ten years gone

Since Richard and Northumberland, great friends.
Did feast together, and in two years after
Were they at wars ; it is but eight years since 60

This Percy was the man nearest my soul.
Who like a brother toil'd in my affairs
And laid his love and life under my foot.
Yea, for my sake, even to the eyes of Richard
Gave him defiance. But which of you was by —



Scene I] Second Part of King Henry IV 79

You, cousin Nevil, as I may remember — [To Warwick.']

When Richard, with his eye brimful of tears.

Then check'd and rated by Northumberland,

Did speak these words, now prov'd a prophecy?

' Northumberland, thou ladder by the which 70

My cousin Bolingbroke ascends my throne ; ' —

Though then, God knows, I had no such intent,

But that necessity so bow'd the state

That I and greatness were compell'd to kiss.

'The time shall come,' thus did he follow it,

' The time will come that foul sin, gathering head.

Shall break into corruption ; ' — so went on,

Foretelling this same time's condition

And the division of our amity.

IVarwick. There is a history in all men's lives, 80

Figuring the nature of the times deceas'd.
The which observ'd, a man may prophesy,
With a near aim, of the main chance of things
As yet not come to hfe, which in their seeds
And weak beginnings lie intreasured.
Such things become the hatch and brood of time ;
And by the necessary form of this
King Richard might create a perfect guess
That great Northumberland, then false to him.
Would of that seed grow to a greater falseness, 90

^Vhich should not find a ground to root upon
Unless on you.

King. Are these things then necessities?

Then let us meet them like necessities ;



8o Second Part of King Henry TV" [Act ill

And that same word even now cries out on us.
They say the bishop and Northumberland
Are fifty thousand strong.

War7aick. It cannot be, my lord ;

Rumour doth double, like the voice and echo,
The numbers of the fear'd. — Please it your grace
To go to bed. Upon my soul, my lord,
The powers that you already have sent forth loo

Shall bring this prize in very easily.
To comfort you the more, I have receiv'd
A certain instance tliat Glendower is dead.
Your majesty hath been this fortnight ill.
And these unseason'd hours perforce must add
Unto your sickness.

King. I will take your counsel ;

And were these inward wars once out of hand,
^Ve would, dear lords, unto the Holy Land. \_Exeunt.

Scene II. Gloucestershire. Before Justice Shalloiv's

House

Enter Shallow and Silence, meeting ; Mouldy, Shadow,
Wart, Feeble, Bullcalf, and Servants with them

SJialhnu. Come on, come on, come on, sir ; give me
your hand, sir, give me your hand, sir. An early
stirrer, by the rood ! And how doth* my good cousin
Silence ?

Silence. Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.

Shallow. And how doth my cousin, your bed-



Scene II] Second Part of King Henry IV 8i

fellow? and your fairest daughter and mine, my god-
daughter Ellen?

Silence. Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow !

Shallow. By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my cousin lo
William is become a good scholar; he is at Oxford
still, is he not?

Silence. Indeed, sir, to my cost.

Shallow. He must, then, to the inns o' court shortly.
I was once of Clement's Imi, where I think they will
talk of mad Shallow yet.

Silence. You were called lusty Shallow then, cousin.

Shallow. By the mass, I was called any thing; and
I would have done any thing indeed too, and roundly
too. There was I, and little John Doit of Stafford- 20
shire, and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone,
and Will Squele, a Cotswold man ; you had not four
such swinge-bucklers in all the inns o' court again.
Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page
to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.

Silence. This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither
anon about soldiers?

Shallow. The same Sir John, the very same. I saw
him break Skogan's head at the court-gate, when a' was
a crack not thus high ; and the very same day did I fight
with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray's
Inn. • Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that I have spent ! and
to see how many of my old acquaintance are dead !

Silence. We shall all follow, cousin.

Shallow. Certain, 't is certain ; very sure, very sure.

2 HENRY IV — 6



82 Second Part of King Henry IV [Act HI

Death, as the Psahiiist saith, is certain to all ; all shall
die. — How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?

Silence. By my troth, I was not there.

Shallow. Death is certain. — Is old Double of your
town living yet? 4°

Silence. Dead, sir.

Shallow. Jesu, Jesu, dead ! a' drew a good bow ;
and dead ! a' shot a fine shoot ; John o' Gaunt loved
him well, and betted much money on his head. Dead I
a' would have clapped i' the clout at twelve score, and
carried you a forehand shaft at fourteen and fourteen
and a half, that it would have done a man's heart good
to see. — How a score of ewes now?

Silence. Thereafter as they be ; a score of good
ewes may be worth ten pounds. 50

Shalhnu. And is old Double dead?

Silence. Here come two of Sir John Falstaff s men,
as I think.

Enter Bardolph and one wifh him

Bardolph. Good morrow, honest gentlemen. I
beseech you, which is Justice Shallow?

Shallow. I am Robert Shallow, sir ; a poor esquire
of this county, and one of the king's justices of the
peace. What is your good pleasure with me ?

Bardolph. My captain, sir, comrnends him to you ;
my captain. Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by 60
heaven, and a most gallant leader.

Shallow. He greets me well, sir. I knew him a



Scene II] Second Part of King Henry IV 83

good backsword man. How doth the good knight?
may I ask how my lady his wife doth?

Bardolph. Sir, pardon ; a soldier is better accom-
modated than with a wife.

Shallow, It is well said, in faith, sir ; and it is well
said indeed too. Better accommodated ! it is good ;
yea, indeed, is it ; good phrases are surely, and ever
were, very commendable. Accommodated ! it comes 70^-
of accommodo ; very good, a good phrase.

Bardolph. Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word.
Phrase call you it? by this good day, I know not the
phrase ; but I will maintain the word with my sword
to be a soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding
good command, by heaven. Accommodated ; that is,
when a man is, as they say, accommodated ; or when
a man is, being, whereby a' may be thought to be
accommodated, which is an excellent thing.

Shallota. It is very just. — 80

E filer Falstaff
Look, here comes good Sir John. — Give me your
good hand, give me your worship's good hand. By
my troth, you look well and bear your years very well ;
welcome, good Sir John.

Falstaff. I am glad to see you well, good Master
Robert Shallow. — Master Surecard, as I think?

Shallow. No, Sir John ; it is my cousin Silence, in
commission with me.

Falstaff. Good Master Silence, it well befits you
should be of the peace, 90



84 Second Part of King Henry IV [Act iii

Silence. Your good worship is welcome.

Fills faff. Fie ! this is hot weather, gentlemen. —
Have you provided me here half a dozen sufficient
men?

Shallow. Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?

Falstaff. Let me see them, I beseech you.

Shallow. Where 's the roll ? where 's the roll? where 's
the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so,
so, so, so, so, so ; yea, marry, sir. — Ralph Mouldy !
— Let them appear as I call ; let them do so, let them
do so. — Let me see ; where is Mouldy ! loi

Mouldy. Here, an 't please you.

Shallow. What think you. Sir John? a good-limbed
"fellow ; young, strong, and of good friends.

Falstaff. Is thy name Mouldy?

Mouldy. Yea, an 't please you,

Falstaff. 'T is the more time thou.vvert used.

Shallow. Ha, ha, ha ! most excellent, i' faith ! things
that are mouldy lack use ; very singular good ! — In
faith, well said, Sir John, very well said. no

Falstaff. Prick him.

Mouldy. I was pricked well enough before, an you
could have let me alone ; my old dame will be undone
now for one to do her husbandry and her drudgery.
You need not to have pricked me; there are other
men fitter to go out than I.

Falstaff. Go to ; peace. Mouldy ! you shall go.
Mouldy, it is time you were spent.

Mouldy. Spent !



Scene II] Second Part of King Henry IV 85

Shallow. Peace, fellow, peace ! stand aside ; know
you where you are? — For the other, Sir John ; let me
see. — Simon Shadow ! 122

Falstaff. Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under ;
he 's Hke to be a cold soldier.

Shallow. Where 's Shadow?

Shadow. Here, sir.

Falstaff. Shadow, whose son art thou?

Shadow. My mother's son, sir.

Falstaff. Thy mother's son ! like enough, and thy
father's shadow ; so the son of the female is the
shadow of the male. It is often so, indeed ; but
much of the f;ither's substance ! 132

Shallow. Do you like him. Sir John ?

Falstaff. Shadow will serve for summer ; prick him,
for we have a number of shadows to fill up the
muster-book.

Shallota. Thomas Wart !

Falstaff. Where 's he?

Wart. Here, sir.

Falstaff. Is thy name Wart ? 140

Wart. Yea, sir.

Falstaff. Thou art a very ragged wart.

Shallow. Shall I prick him down. Sir John?

Falstaff. It were superfluous, for his apparel is
built upon his back and the whole frame, stands upon
pins ; prick him no more.

Shallow. Ha, ha, ha ! you can do it, sir, you can do
it ; I commend you well. — Francis Feeble !



86 Second Part of King Henry IV [Act ill

Feeble. Here, sir.

Fahtaff. What trade art thou, Feeble? 150

Feeble. A woman's tailor, sir.

Shallow. Shall I prick him, sir?

Fahtaff. You may ; but if he had been a man's
tailor, he 'd ha' pricked you. — Wilt thou make as
many holes in an enemy's battle as thou hast done in
a woman's petticoat?

Feeb^. I will do my good will, sir ; you can have
no more.

Falstaff. Well said, good woman's tailor ! well said,
courageous Feeble ! thou wilt be as valiant as the 160
wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. — Prick
the woman's tailor well, Master Shallow ; deep, Master
Shallow.

Feeble. I would Wart might have gone, sir.

Falstaff. I would thou wert a man's tailor, that
thou mightst mend him and make him fit to go. — I
cannot put him to a private soldier that is the leader
of so many thousands ; let that suffice, most forcible
Feeble.

Feeble. It shall suffice, sir. 170

Falstaff. I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. —
Who is next?

Shallow. Peter Bullcalf o' the green !

Falstaff. Yea, marry, let 's see Bullcalf.

Bullcalf. Here, sir.

Falstaff. Fore God, a likely fellow ! — Come, prick
me Bullcalf till he roar agaia



Scene II] Second Part of King Henry IV 87

BuUcalf. O Lord ! good my lord captain, —

Falstaff. What, dost thou roar before thou art
pricked ? 180

Bulkalf. O Lord, sir ! I am a diseased man.

Falstaff. What disease hast thou?

Bullcalf. A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which
I caught with ringing in the king's affairs upon his
coronation-day, sir.

Falstaff. Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a
gown ; we will have away thy cold, and I will take
such order that thy friends shall ring for thee. — Is
here all?

Shallow. Here is two more called than your num-
ber, you must have but four here, sir ; and so, I pray


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