withstanding. Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she
loves you. — Have not your worship a wart above your
eye ?
Fent. Yes, marry, have I ; what of that .''
Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale : — good faith, it is
such another Nan ; — but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
broke bread : — we had an hour's talk of that wart : — I
shall never laugh but in that maid's company ! — But, in-
deed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing : but
for you — well, go to.
Fejit. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
for thee ; let me have thy voice in my behalf : if thou
see'st her before me, commend me.
Quick. Will I } \ faith, that we will ; and I will tell
your worship more of the wart the next time we have
contidence ; and of other wooers.
Fent. Well, farewell ; I am in great haste now.
Quick. Farewell to your worship. [E.vit Fenton.']
Truly, an honest gentleman : but Anne loves him not ;
for 1 know Anne's mind as well as another does.— Out
upon't ! what have I forgot ? [Exit.
H.W.O.W. 17.1 W. a6?.
Ast//.} THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. [Scene J.
ACT II.
Scene I. Before Page's house.
Enter Mistress Page, with a letter.
Mrs. Page. What, have I scaped love-letters in the
holiday-times of my beauty, and am I now a subject for
them ? Let me see. [Reads.
" Ask me no reason why I love you ; for though Love
use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his
counselor. You are not young, no more am I ; go to,
then, there's sympathy : you are merry, so am I ; ha, ha !
then there's more sympathy : you love sack, and so do I ;
would you desire better sympathy .'' Let it suffice thee.
Mistress Page, — at the least, if the love of a soldier can
suffice, — that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, — 'tis
not a soldier-like phrase ; but I say, love me. By me,
â– Phine own true knight,
By day or night,
Or any kind of light,
With all his might
For thee to fight,
JoJin Falstaff."
What a Herod of Jewry is this! — O wicked, wicked
world ! — one that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to
show himself a young gallant ! What unweighed behavior
hath this Flemish drunkard picked — with the devil's
name — out of my conversation, that he dares in this
manner assay me ? Why, he hath not been thrice in my
company! — What should I say to him.'' — I was then
frugal of my mirth: — Heaven forgive me! — Why, I'll
exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting-down of fat
men. How shall I be revenged on him } for revenged I
will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
Enter Mistress Ford,
Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page ! trust me, I was going to
your house.
Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You
look very ill.
Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to shov/
to the contrary.
IV. 268. [m.w.o.w. i8.
4.CI n.] n/E MEK/^y liyi-£S OF ir/.VDSOf!. \Scene /.
Mrs. Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind.
. yfrs. Ford. Well, I do, then ; yet I sjiy, I could show vou
to the contrary. O INIistress Page, give me .some counsel I
Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman .''
Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling
re.spect, I could come to such honor !
Sirs. Page. Hang the trifle, wonian ! take the honor.
What is it } — dispense with trifles ; what is it .'
Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal
moment or so, I could be knighted.
Mrs. Page. What? thou liest! — Sir Alice Ford!
These knights will hack ; and so thou shouldst not alter
the article of thy gentry.
Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight: — here, read, read;
perceive how I might be knighted. — I shall think the
worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make differ-
ence of men's liking: and yet he would not swear;
pcaised women's modesty ; and gave such orderly and
well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would
have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth
of his words ; but they do no more adhere and keej) pace
together than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of Green
s/eez'es. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so
many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor .'' How
shall I be revenged on him .' I think the best way were
to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust
have melted him in his own grease, — Did you ever hear
the like ?
Mrs. Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of
Page and Ford differs I — To thy great comfort in this
mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy
letter: but let tliine inherit first; for, I protest, mine
never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these
letters, writ with blank space for different names, — sure,
more, — and these are of the second edition : he will print
them, out of doubt ; for he cares not what he puts into
the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a
giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will tind
you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man.
Mrs. F'ord. Why, this is the very same ; the very hand,
the very words. W^hat doth he think of us }
Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not : it makes me almost
M.w.o.w. ig.] IV. 269.
Act r 1.1 THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. {Scene I.
ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain
myself like one that I am not acquainted withal;, for,
sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not
myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.
Afrs. Fo)-d. Boarding", call you it } I'll be sure to keep
him above deck.
Mrs. Page. So will I : if he come under my hatches,
I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him : let's
appoint him a meeting ; give him a show of comfort in
his suit ; and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he
hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.
Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villainv
against him, that may not sully the chariness of our
honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter ! it would
give eternal food to his jealousy.
Mrs. Page. Why, look where he comes; — and my
good man too : he's as far from jealousy as I am from
giving him cause ; ar'd that, I hope, is an unmeasurablc
distance.
Mrs. P'ord. You are the happier woman.
Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy
knight. Come hither. [ They retire.
Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym.
Ford. "Well, I hope it be not so.
Pist. Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs :
Sir John affects thy wife.
Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young.
Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor.
Both young and old, one with another. Ford ;
He loves the gallimaufry ; Ford, perpend.
Ford. Love my wife !
Pist. With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou.
Like Sir Actason he, with Ringwood at thy heels: —
O, odious is the name !
Ford. What name, sir ?
Pist. The horn, I say. Farewell.
Take heed ; have open eye ; for thieves do foot by night :
Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing. —
Away, Sir Corporal Nym ! —
Believe it, Page ; he speaks sense. [Exit.
Ford, [aside'] I will be patient ; I will find out this.
IV. 970. [m.w.o w. 20,
Acf//.1 THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. {,Sc.iui.
Xyin. [/o Pa^'^t:] And this is true; I like not the humor
of lying. He hath wronged me in some humors : 1
should have borne the humored letter to her ; but I have
a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves
your wife ; there's the short and the long. My name is
Corporal Nym ; I speak, and I avouch 'tis true : my name
is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. — Adieu. I love
not the humor of bread and cheese ; and there's the
humor of it. Adieu. [Exit.
Page, [aside] "The humor of it," quoth 'a! here's a
fellow frights humor out of his wits.
Ford, [asi'de^ I will seek out F'alstaff.
Page, [aside] I never heard such a drawling, affecting
rogue.
Ford, [aside] If I do find it : — well.
Page, [aside] I will not believe such a Catalan, though
the priest o' the town commended him for a true man.
Ford, [aside] 'Twas a good sensible fellow : — well.
[Mistress Page and Mistress Ford come forward.
Page. How now, Meg !
Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George ? — Hark you.
Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank ! why art thou
melancholy ?
Ford. I melancholy ! I am not melancholy. — Get you
home, go.
Airs. Ford. Faith, thou hast some crotchet in thy head
now. — Will you go, Mistress Page .'
Mrs. Page. Have with you. — You'll come to dinner,
George } — [Aside to Mrs. Ford] Look who comes yon-
der : she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.
Mrs. Ford, [aside lo Mrs. Page] Trust me, I thought
on her : she'll fit it.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY.
Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne ?
Quick. Ay, forsooth ; and, I pray, how' does good Mis-
tress Anne.'*
Mrs. Page. Go in with us and see : we have an hour's
talk with you.
[Exeunt Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and
Mistress Quickly.
Page. How now, Master Ford !
M.W.O.W. ai] IV. 271,
Act//.} THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. [Scene/.
Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did you not-?
Page. Yes : and you heard what the other told me ?
Ford. Do you think there is truth in them ?
Page. Hang 'em, slaves ! I do not think the knight
would offer it : but these that accuse him in his intent
towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men ; very
rogues, now they be out of service.
Ford. Were they his men ?
Page. Marry, were they.
Ford. I like it never the better for that. — Does he lie
at the Garter ?
Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this
voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him ;
and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie
on my head.
Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife ; but I would be
loth to turn them together. A man may be too confi-
dent : I would have nothing lie on my head : I cannot be
thus satisfied.
Page. Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes :
there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse,
when he looks so merrily.
Enter Host.
How now, mine host !
Host. How now, bully-rook ! thou'rt a gentleman. —
Cavalero-justice„ I say !
Filter Shallow.
SJial. I follow, mine host, I follow. — Good even tind
twenty, good Master Page ! Master Page, will you go
with us ? we have sport in hand.
Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice ; tell him, bully-rock.
ShaL Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir
Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.
Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.
Host. What sayst thou, my bully-rook } \ They go aside.
S/ial. {to Page] Will you go with us to behold it .-' My
merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons ;
and, 1 think, hath appointed tliem contrary places ; for,
believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, 1 will
tell you what our sport shall be. [ 'They go aside.
IV. 272. [m.w.o.w. 22.
Ac///.] T//E ME/iRV ll^/rES OF If^/N'PSn/s. [Scene//.
Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-
xavalier ?
Ford. None, I protest : but I'll give you a pottle of
burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him my
name is Brook ; only for a jest.
Host. My hand, bully ; thou shalt have egress and re-
gress ; — said I well ? — and thy name shall be Brook. It
is a merry knight. — Will you go, mynheers?
Shal. Have with you, mine host.
Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in
his rapier.
S/ial. Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these
times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and
I know not what : 'tis the heart, Master Page ; 'tis here,
'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I
would have made you four trJl fellows skip like rats.
Host. Here, boys, here, here ! shall we wag ?
Page. Have with you. — I had rather hear them scold
than see them fight. {^Exeunt Host, Shal., and Page.
Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so
firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion
so easily : she was in his company at Page's house ; and
what they made there, I know not. \\'ell, I will look
further into't : and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff.
If I find her honest, I lose not my labor; if she be other-
wise, 'tis labor well bestowed. [^Exit.
Scene II. A room hi the Garter Inn.
Enter Falstaff and PiSTOL.
Fal. I will not lend thee a penny.
Pt'st. Why, then the world's mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.
Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should
lay my countenance to pawn : I have grated upon mvgood
friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow
Nym ; or else you had looked through the grate, like a
geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to
gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and tall fel-
lows ; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her
fan, I took't upon mine honor thou hadst it not.
M.w.o.w. 23.] IV. 273.
Act rL] THE MEKRV WIVES OF WINDSOR. [Scene!/.
Pist. Didst not thou share ? hadst thou not fifteen
pence ?
Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason : thinkest thou I'll en-
danger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about
me, I am no gibbet for you : — go : — a short knife and a
throng; — to your manor of Pickt-hatch, go. — You'll not
bear a letter for me, you rogue ! — you stand upon your
honor ! — Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much
as I can do to keep the terms of my honor precise : I, I, I
mvself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on theleti hand,
and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to shuffle,
to hedge, and to lurch ; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce
your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice
phrases, and your bull-baiting oaths, under the shelter of
your honor ! You will not do it, you !
Pist. I do relent : — what would thou more of man?
Elite?- Robin.
Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.
Fal. Let her approach.
Entei- Mistress Quickly.
Quick. Give your worship good morrow.
Fal. Good morrow, good wife.
Quick. Not so, an't please your worship.
Fal. Good maid, then.
Quick. I '11 be sworn ;
As my mother was, the first hour I was born.
Fal. I do believe the swearer. What with me ?
Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
Fal. Two thousand, fair woman : and I'll vouchsafe
thee the hearing.
Quick. There is one Mistress Ford, sir ; — I pray, come a
nttle nearer this ways : — I myself dwell with Master Doc-
tor Caius,—
Fal. Well, one Mistress Ford, you say, —
Quick. Your worship says very true : — I pray your wor-
ship, come a little nearer this ways.
Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears ; — mine own people,
mine own people.
Quick. Are they so? God bless them, and make them
his servants f
Fal. Well, Mistress P^ord ; — what of her?
IV. 274. [m.w.o.w. 94.
\
Act-!!.] TllE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. \_SceHe II.
Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature. — Lord, Lord !
vour worship's a wanton ! Well, heaven forgive you, and
all of us, I pray ! —
Fal. Mistress Ford ; — come. Mistress Ford,^
(2,tiick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it ; you
have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis wonderful.
The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Wind-
sor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet
there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with
their coaches ; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter af-
ter letter, gift after gift ; smelling so sweetly — all musk
— and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold ; and
in such alligant terms ; and such wine and sugar of the
best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's
heart ; and, I warrant you, they coukl never get an eye-
wink of her : — I had myself twenty angels given me this
morning; but I defy all angels — in any such sort, as they say
— but in the way of honesty : — and, I warrant you, they
could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the
proudest of them all : and yet there has been earls, nay,
which is more, pensioners ; but, I warrant you, all is one
with her.
Fell. But what says she to me ? be brief, my good she-
Mercury.
(liiick. Marr)-, she hath received your letter ; for the
which she thanks you a thousand times ; and she gives
you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his
house between ten and eleven.
Fal. Ten and eleven .''
(2uick. Ay, forsooth ; and then you may^come and see
the picture, she says, that you wot of ; — Master Ford,
her husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman
leads an ill life with him ! he's a very jealousy man : she
leads a very frampold life with him, good heart.
Fal. Ten and eleven : — woman, commend me to her ;
I will not fail her.
Quick. Why, you say well. But I have another mes-
senger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty
commendations to you, too : — and let me tell you in your
ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell
you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer,
as any is itn Windsor, whoe'er be the other ; — and she
M.W.O.W, 25.) IV. 375.
.â– ici i: ] THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. \SctneIL
bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from
Home ; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never
knew a woman so dote upon a man : surely, I think you
have charms, la ; yes, in truth.
Fal. Not I, I assure thee : setting the attraction of my
good parts aside, I have no other charms.
(luick. Blessing on your heart for't !
Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this, — has Ford's wife and
Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me }
Quick. That were a jest indeed! — they have not so
little grace, I hope: — that were a trick indeed! — But
Mistress Page would desire you to send her yourlittle page,
of all loves : her husband has a marvelous infection to
the little page ; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man,
Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does :
do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will : and,
truly, she deserves it ; for if there be a kind woman in
Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page ; no
remedy.
Fal. Why, I will.
Quick. Nay, but do so, then : and look you, he may
come and go between you both ; and, in any case, have a
nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and
the boy never need to understand any thing ; for 'tis not
good that children should know any wickedness : old
folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know
the world.
Fal. Fare thee well : commend me to them both :
there's my purse ; I am yet thy debtor. — Boy, go along
with this woman. \Fxeu)ii Mistress Quickly and Kobin.]
— This news distracts me !
PisL This punk is one of Cupid's carriers : —
Clap on more sails ; pursue ; up with your tights ;
Give fire ; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all !
[Exil.
Fal. Sayest thou so, old Jack } go thy ways ; I'll
make more of thy old body than 1 have done. Will they
yet look after thee.'' Wilt thou, after the expense of so
much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank
thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done ; so it be fairly done,
no matter.
IV. 276. [m.w.o.w. a6.
Act //.J THE MERKV li'/l'/iS OF ir/NDSOR. |..s;<.«^ //.
Enler V>.\K\)0\A'n, with a cup of sack.
Bard. Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would
fain speak with you, and he acquainted with you ; and
hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.
Fal. Brook is his name ?
Bard. Ay, sir.
Fal. Call him in. [Exit Bar dolp/i.\ Such Brooks are
welcome to me, that o'erflow such liquor.— Ah, ha !
Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed
you .'' go to ; via /
Re-enter Bardolph, luith Ford disguised.
Ford. Bless you, sir !
Fal. And you, sir ! Would you speak with me ?
Ford. I make bold to press with so little preparation
upon you.
Fal. You're welcome. What's your will? — Give us
leave, drawer. \^Exit Bardolph.
Ford. Sir, 1 am agentleman that hath spent much ; my
name is Brook.
Fal. Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance
of you.
Ford. Good Sir John, I sue for yours : not to charge
you ; for 1 must let you understand 1 think myself in bet-
ter plight for a lender than you are : the which hath some-
thing emt)oldened me to this unseasoned intrusion ; for
they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.
Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles
me : if you will help to bear it. Sir John, take all, or half,
for easing me of the carriage.
Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
porter.
Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hear-
ing.
Fal. Speak, good Master Brook : I shall be glad to be
your servant.
Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar, — I will be brief
with you ; — and you have been a man long known to me,
though 1 had never so good means, as desire, to make
myself acquainted with you. 1 shall discover a thing to
M.W.O.W. 27.] IV. 277.
Act //.] TH£ MERRY IVIVES OF WINDSOR. \,Scene It.
you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own im-
perfection : but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon
my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into
the register of your own ; that I may pass with a reproof
the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such
an offender.
Fal. Very well, sir ; proceed.
Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her hus-
band's name is Ford.
Fal. Well, sir.
Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, be-
stowed much on her; following her with a doting observ-
ance ; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every
slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of
her ; not only bought many presents to give her, but have
given largely to many to know what she would have
given ; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued
me ; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But
whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my
means, meed, I am sure, I have received none ; unless
experience be a jewel : that I have purchased at an infi-
nite rate; and that hath taught me to say this ;
Luve like a shadow flies when substance love pursues ;
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.
Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at
her hands }
Ford. Never.
Fal. Have you importuned her to such a purpose ?
Ford. Never.
Fal. Of what quality was your love, then ?
Ford. Like a fair house built on another man's
ground ; so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the
place where I erected it.
Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me ?
Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all.
Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in
other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is
shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here
is the heart of my purpose : you are a gentleman of ex-
cellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance,
authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for
IV. 278. [M.W.0.W.28.
AcU/.] THE MKiaKV }rn'ES OF IVINDSOK. [Sc,>,e //.
your many war-like, court-like, and learned prepara-
tions, —
Fal. O, sir !
Ford. Believe it, for you know it. — There is money ;
spend it, spend it ; spend more ; spend all I have ; only
give me so nmch of your time in exchange of it, as to lay
an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife : use
your art of wooing ; win her to consent to you : if any
man may, you may as soon as any.
Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your
affection, that I should win what you would enjoy .'*
Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.
Ford. O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely
on the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soul
dares not present itself : she is too bright to be looked
against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in
my hand, my desires had instance and argument to com-
mend themselves : I could drive her then from the ward
of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a
thousand other her defenses, which now are too-too
strongly embattled against me. What say you to't. Sir
John.?
Fai. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your
money; next, give me your hand ; and last, as I am a
gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.
Ford. O good sir !
Fal. I say you shall.
Ford. Want no money. Sir John ; you shall want
none.
Fal. Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook ; you shall
want none. I shall be with her — I may tell you — by
her own appointment ; even as you came in to me, her
assistant, or go-between, parted from me : I say I shall
be with her between ten and eleven ; for at that time the
jealous rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come