Alexander Pope.

The works of Alexander Pope Esq. : In nine volumes, complete. With his last corrections, additions, and improvements; as they were delivered to the editor, a little before his death. Together with the commentary and notes of Mr. Warburton (Volume 6) online

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Online LibraryAlexander PopeThe works of Alexander Pope Esq. : In nine volumes, complete. With his last corrections, additions, and improvements; as they were delivered to the editor, a little before his death. Together with the commentary and notes of Mr. Warburton (Volume 6) → online text (page 8 of 20)
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" breaft."

Madam, faid the Doclor, all thefe are ftrong
fymptoms ; but there remain a few more. Has this
amorous gentleman prefentcd himfelf with any
Love-toys ; fuch as gold Snuff-boxes, repeating
Watches, or Tweezer cafes ? thofe are things that
in time will foften the mod obdurate heart. " Not
** only fo (faid the Aunt) but he bought the other
" day a very fine brillant diamond Ring for his
** own wearing." -Nay, if he has accepted of this
Ring, the intrigue is very forward indeed, and
it is hi^h time for friends to interpofe Pray Ma-
dam, a word or two more : Is he jealous that his
acquaintance do not behave themfelves with refpecl:
enough ? will he bear jokes and innocent freedoms ?
** By no means ; a familiar appellation makes him
'* angry ; if you {hake him a little roughly by the
" hand, he is in a rage ; but if you chuck him
" under the chin, he will return you a box on the
" ear." Then the cafe is plain : he has the true
Pathognomick fign of Love, Jealoufy ; for no body
will fuffer his miftrefs to be treated at that rate.
M.ulam, upon the whole this Cafe is extremely
dangerous. There are fome people who are far
gone inthispaffion of felf-love; but then they keep
a very fecret Intrigue with themfelves, and hide it
from all the world beftdes. But this Patient has
not the leaft care of the Reputation of his Beloved,
he is downright fcandalous in his behaviour with
himfelf ; he is enchanted, bewitch'd, and almoft
pail cure. However let the following methods be
try'd upon him.

L 2 Fir/r,



i 4 8 MEMOIRS OF

Firft, let him ***Hiatus. *** Secondly, let
him wear a Bob-wig. Thirdly, fhun the company
of flatterers, nay of ceremonious people, and of all
Frenchmen in general. It would not be amifs if
he travelled over England in a Stage-coach, and
made the Tour of Holland in a Track-fcoute. Let
him return the Snuff-boxes, Tweezer-cafes (and
particularly the Diamond Ring) which he has re-
ceived from himfelf. Let fome knowing friend re-
prefent to him the many vile Qualities of this Mif-
t;efs of his : let him be fhewn that her Extrava-
gance, Pride, and Prodigality will infallibly bring
him to a morfel of bread : Let it be proved, that
he has been falfe to himfelf, and if Treachery is
not a fufficient caufe to difcard a Miftrefs, what is ?
In fhort let him be made to fee that no mortal be-
fides himfclf cither loves or can fuffer this Crea-
ture. Let all Looking-glafles, polifhed Toys, and
even clean Plates be removed from him, for fear of
bringing back the admired object. Let him be
taught to put off all thofe tender airs, affected
fmiles, languiming looks, wanton tofles of the
head, coy motions of the body, that mincing gait,
foft tone of voice, and all that enchanting woman-
like behaviour, that has made him the charm of his
own eye?, and the object of his own adoration,
Let him furprize the Beauty he adores at a difad-
vantage, furvey himfelf naked, diverted f artificial
charms, and he will find himfclf a forked ftradling
Animal, with bandy legs, a fhort neck, a dun hide,
and a pot-belly. It would be yet better, if he took
a ftrong purge once a week, in order to contem-
plate himfelf in that condition : at which time it
will be convenient to make ufe of the Letters, De-
dications, etc. abovefaid. Something like this has
been oblirved by Lucretius and others to be a pow-
erful remedy in the cafe of Women. If all this
will not do, I muft e'en leave the poor man to his

deftiny.



MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS. 149

leftiny. Let him marry bimfclf^ and when he is
condemned eternally to himfelf, perhaps he may
run to the next pond to get rid of himfdf, the Fate
of moft violent Self-lovers.



CHAP. XII.

How Martinus endeavoured to find out the
Seat of the Soul, and of his Correfpondence
with the Free- Thinkers.

IN this Defign of Martin to investigate the Dif-
eafes of the Mind, he thought nothing fo ne-
ce/Tary as an Enquiry after the Seat of the Sou/; in
which at firft he laboured under great uncertainties.
Sometimes he was of opinion that it lodged in the
Brain, fometimes in the Stomach, and fometimcs
in the Heart. Afterwards he thought it abfurd to
confine that fovereign Lady to one apartment,
which made him infer that (he (hiftcd it according
to the feveral functions of life,: The Brain was her
Study, the Heart her State-room, and the Stomach
her Kitchen. But as he faw feveral Offices of life
went on at the fame time, he was forced to give
up this Hypothefis alfo. He now conjectured it
was more for the dignity of the Soul to perform fe-
veral operations by her little Minifters, the Animal
Spirits, from whence it was natural to conclude,
that flic refidcs in different parts according to dif-
ferent Inclinations, Sexes, Ages, and Profeflions.
Thus in Epicures he feated her in the mouth of the
Stomach, Philofophers have her in the Brain, Sol-
diers in their Heart, Women in their Tongues,
Fidlcrs in their Fingers, and Rope-dancers in their
Toes. At length he grew fond of the Glandu!a
diflec~ting many fubjeds to find out the
L 3 different



150 M E M O I R S O F

different Figure of this Gland, from whence he
might difcover the cnufe of the different Tempers
in mankind. He fuppofed that in factious and relt-
lefs-fpiritcd people he mould find it (harp and point-
ed, allowing no room for the Soul to repofe her-
felf j that in quiet Tempers it was flat, fmooth, and
foft, affording to the Soul as it were an eafy cufhion.
He was confirmed in this by obferving, that Calves
and Philofophers, Tygers and Statefmen, Foxes and
Sharpers, Peacocks and Fops, Cock- Sparrows and
Coquets, Monkeys . and Players, Courtiers and
Spaniels, Moles and Mifers, exactly refemble one
another in the conformation of the Pineal Gland.
He did not doubt likewife to find the fame refem-
blance in Highwaymen and Conquerors : In order
to fatisfy himfelf in which, it was, that he pur-
chafed the body of one of the firft Species (as hath
been before related) at Tyburn, hoping in time to
have the happinefs of one of the latter too, under
his Anatomical knife.

We muft not omit taking notice here, that thcfe
Enquiries into thfe Scat of the Soul gave occafion to
his firft correfpondence with the fociety of Frcc-
Tlrinkers^ who were then in their infancy in Eng-
land, and fo much taken with the promiling endow-
ments of Martin, that they ordered their Secretary
to write him the following Letter.



To the learntt Inquif,t;r into Nature, MAR TIN us
SCRIBLERUS : The Society of Free-Thinkers
greeting.

Grecian CofFee-Houfc, May 7.

IT is with unfpcakable joy we have heard of
your inquifitive Genius, and we think it great
pity that it fhould not be better employ'd, than in
looking after that Theological Non-entity common-
Jy called the Soul ; Since after all your enquiries, it

will



MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS. 151

will appear you have loft your labour in fecking the
Refidcnce of fuch a Chimera, that never had being
but in the brains of fome dreaming PhilofophcYs.
Is it not Demon ftration to a perfon of your fenfe,
that, fince you cannot find //, there is no fuck thing ?
In order to fet fo hopeful a Genius right in this
matter, we have fent you an anfwer to the ill-
grounded Sophifms of thofe crack-brain'd fellows,
andlikewife an cafy mechanical explication of Percep-
tion or Winking.

* One of their chief Arguments is, that Sdf-
C9nfcionfn,'fs cannot inhere in any fyftem of Matter,
becaufe all matter is made up of feveral diftindt be-
ings, which never can make up one individual
thinking being.

This is cafily anfwered by a familiar instance.
In every 'Jack there is a meat-roafting Quality,
which neither rcfides in the fly, nor in the weight,
nor in any pnrticular wheel of the Jack, but is the
refult of the whole compofition : So in an Animal,
the Self-confcioufnefs is not a real Quality inhe-
rent in one Being (any more than meat-roafting in
a Jack) but the refult of feveral Modes or Quali-
ties in the fame fubje&. As the fly, the wheels,
the chain, the weight, the cords, etc. make one
Jack, fo the feveral parts of the body make one
Animal. As perception or confcioufncfs is faid to
be inherent in this Animal, fo is meat-roafting faid
to be inherent in the Jack. As fenfation, reafon-
ing, volition, memory, etc. arc the feveral Modes
of thinking ; fo roafting of beef, roafting of mut-
ton, roaftingof pullets, gcefe, turkeys, etc. are the
feveral modes of meat-roafting. And as the gene-
ral Quality of meat-roafting, wirh its fcvcral mo-

* Th'.s whole Chapter is an inimitable ridicuL- on
C'J/im's arguments againtt CLrkc, to prove the foul
Only a Quality.

L 4 difica-



MEMOIRS OF

difications as to beef, mutton, pullets, etc. does
not inhere in any one part of the Jack ; fo neither
dpes Confcioufoefs, with its feveral Modes of fen-
fation, intelle&ion, volition, etc. inhere in any one,
but as the refult from the mechanical compofition
of the whole Animal.

Juft fo, the Quality or Difpofition in a Fiddle to
play tunes, with the feveral Modifications of this
tune-playing quality in playing of Preludes, Sara-
bands^ Jigs, and Gavotts, are as much real qua-
lities in the Inftrumcnt, as the Thought or the
Imagination is in the mind of the Pcrfon that com-
pofes them.

The Parts (fay they) of an animal body are
perpetually changed, and the fluids which feem to
be the fubject of confcioufnefs, are in a perpetual
circulation ; fo that the fame individual particles do
not remain in the Brain ; from whence it will fol-
low, that the idea of Individual Confcioufnefs muft
be confiantly tranflated from one particle of mat-
ter to another, whereby the particle A, for ex-
ample, muft not only be confcious, but confcious
that it is the fame being with the particle B that
went before.

We anfwer, this is only a fallacy of the imagi-
nation, and is to be understood in no other fenfe
than that maxim of the EnglimLaw, that the King
never dies. This power of thinking, felf-moving,
and governing the whole Machine, is communi-
cated from every Particle to its immediate Succef-
for ; who, as foon as he is gone, immediately takes
i'po:i him the government, which ftill preferves the
Lnity of the whole Syftem.

They make a great noife about this Individua-
lity : how a man is confcious to himfelf that he is
the fame Individual he was twenty years ago ; not-
urJiHianding the flux ftate of the Particles of mat-
ter that compofc his body. We think this is ca-

l pabl?



MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS. 153

Pahlc of a very plain anfwcr, and may be eafily
illuil rated by a familiar example.

Sir John Cutler had a pair of black worftcd (lock-
ings, which his maid darn'd fo often with filk, that
they became at laft a pair of filk ftockings. Now
fuppoling thofe ftockings of Sir John's endued with
fome degree of Confcioufnefs at every particular
darning, they would have been fenfible, that they
were the fame individual pair of ftockings both be-
fore and after the darning ; and this fenfation would
have continued in them through all the fucceffion
of darnings : and yet after the laft of all, there was
not perhaps one thread left of the firft pair of ftock-
ings, but they were grown to be filk ftockings, as
was laid before.

And whereas it is affirmed, that every animal is
conlcious of fome individual felf-moving, felf-de-
termining principle ; it is anfwered, that, as in a
Houfe of Commons all things are determined by a
Majority^ fo it is in every Animal fyftem. As that
which determines the Heufe is faid to be the rea-
fon of the whole aflembly ; it is no otherwife with
thinking Beings, who are determined by the greater
force of feveral particles ; which, like fo many
unthinking Members, compofe one thinking Sy-
ftem.

And whereas it is likewife objected, that Pu-
nifliments cannot be juft that are not inflidted upon
the fame individual, which cannot fubfift without
the notion of a fpiritual fubftance : We reply, that
this is no greater difficulty to conceive, than that
a Corporation, which is likewife a flux body, may
be punifhed for the faults, and liable to the debts,
of their Predcceflbrs.

We proceed nqw to explain, by the frru^rure
of the Brain, the feveral Modes of thinking. It
is well known to Anatomifts that the Brain is a
Congeries of Glands, that fcparate the finer parts

of



I 5 4 MEMOIRS OF

of the blood, called Animal Spirits ; that a Gland
is nothing but a Canal of a great length, variouf-
}j intortcd and wound up together. From the
Ariettaion and Motion of the Spirits in thofe Ca-
nals, proceed all the different Torts of Thoughts.
Simple Ideas are produced by the motion of the
Spirits in one Simple Canal ; when two of thefe
Canals difcmbogue themfclves into one, they make
what we call a rropofition ; and when two of thefe
propofitional Chanels empty themfelves into a
third, they form a Syllogifm, or a Ratiocination.
Memory is performed in a diftincl: apartment of
the Brain, made up of vefTels fimilar, and like fi-
tuated to the ideal, propofitional, and fyllogiftical
veflels, in the primary parts of the brain. After
the fame manner it is eafy to explain the other
modes of thinking ; as alfo why fomc people think
fo wrong and perverfcly, which proceeds from the
bad configuration of thofe Glands. Some for ex-
ample, are born without the propofitional or fyllo-
giftical Canals ; in others, that reafon ill, they are
of unequal capacities ; in dull fellows, of too great
a length, whereby the motion of the fpirits is re-
tarded; in trifling genius's, weak and fmall ; in the
over refining fpirits, too much intorted and wind-
ing ; and fo of the reft.

We are fb much perfuaded of the truth of this
our Hypothefis, that we have employed one of our
Members, a great Virtuofo at Nuremberg, to
make a fort of an Hydrauliclc Engine, in which a
chemical liquor refembling blood, is driven thro'
f laftick chanels refembling arteries and veins, by
the force of an Embolus like the heart, and wrought
by a pneumatick Machine of the nature of the
lungs, with ropes and pullies, like the nerves,
tendons, and mufcles And we are perfuaded that
t us our artificial Man will not only walk, and
Ipcak, and perform moft of the outward actions of

the



MARTINUS SCRTBLERUS.

the animal life, but (bcin? wound i:p once a week)
will perhaps reafon as well as moit of your Coun-
try Parlous.

"We wait with the utmoft impatience for the ho-
nour of having you a Member of our Society, and
beg leave to aflure you that we are, etc.

What return Martin made to this obliging Let-
ter we mutt defer to another oci-afsoti : let it fuf-
fice at prefent to tail, -chut Crambe was in a great
rage at them, for ftealing (as he thought) a hint
from his Tktory of Sy/hgifms, without doing him
the honour fo much as to mention him. He ad-
vifed his Maxtor by no means to enter into their
Society, unlefs they would give him fufncient fe-
curity, to bear him harmless from any thir.g -Jiat
might happen after this prefent life.



CHAP. XIII.

Of the Secefiion of Martin us, and fome Hint
of his Travels.

IT was in the year 1699 that Martin fetout on
his Travels. Thou wilt certainly be very cu-
jious to know what they were. It is not yet time
to inform thee. But what hints I am at liberty to
give, I will.

Thou fhalt know then, that in his firft Voyagfc
he was carried by a profperous Storm, t a Dif-
cowry of the Remains of the ancient Pygmeean
Empire.

That in his fecond, he was as happily fhip-
wreck 'd on the Land of the Giants , now the moft
bumwie peopfc in the WorW.

That



156 M E M O I R S O F

That in his third Voyage, he difcovcr'd a whole
Kingdom of Philofophen, who govern by the Ma-
thematicks ; with whofe admirable Schemes and Pro-
jc&s he returned to benefit his own dear Country j
but had the misfortune to find them rejected by the
envious Minifters of >ueen Anne, and himfelf fent
treacheroufly away.

And hence it is, that in his fourth Voyage he
difcovers a Vein of Melancholy proceeding almoft
to a Difguftof his Species ; but above all, a mor-
tal Deteitation to the whole flagitious Race of Ml-
ttifters, and a final Refolution not to give in any
Memorial to the Secretary of State, in order to fub-
je& the Lands he dilcovcred to the Crown of Great
Britain.

Now if, by thcfe hints, the Reader can help
himfelf to a farther difcovery of the Nature and
Contents of thefe Travels, he is welcome to as
much light as they afford him ; I am obliged, by
all the tyes of honour, not to fpcak more openly.

But if any man mail ever fee fuch very extra-
ordinary Voyages, into fuch very extraordinary
Nations, which manifeft the moft diftinguifhing
marks of a Phitofopher, a Politician, and a Legi-
flator ; and can imagine them to belong to a Sur-
geon of a Ship, or a Captain of a Merchantman, let
.him remain in his Ignorance.

And whoever he be, that mail farther obferve,
in every page of fuch a book, that cordial Love of
Mankind^ that inviolable Regard to Truth, that
PaJJian for his dear Country, and that particular at-
tachment to the excellent Princefs Queen Anne ;
furcly that man deferves to be pitied, if by all thofe
vifible Signs and Characters, he cannot diftinguifh
and acknowledge the Great Scriblerus *.

Gulliver's Travels were firfl intended as a part of
Scriblerus'} Memoirs.

CHAP,



MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS. 157



CHAP. XIV.

Of the Difcoveries and Works of the Great
Scriblerir, made and to be? made, written
and to be written, known and unknown.

HERE therefore, at this great Period, we
end our firft Book. And here, O Reader,
vre entreat thce utterly to forget all thou haft hi-
therto read, and to caft thy eyes only forward, to
thatboundlefs Field the next (hall open unto thee ;
the fruits of which (if thine, or our fins do not
prevent) are to fpread and multiply over this our
work, and over all the face of the Earth.

In the mean time, know what thou oweft, and
what thou yet may'ft owe, to this excellent Per-
fon, this Prodigy of our Age ; who may well be
called Tfje Philofopher of Ultimate Caufes, fince by
a Sagacity peculiar to himfelf, he hath difcover'd
Effects in their very Caufe ; and without the tri-
vial helps of Experiments, or Obfervations, hath
been the Inventor of moft of the modern Syftems
and Hypothefes.

He hath enriched Mathematicks with many
precife and geometrical Quadratures of the Circle.
He firft difcovcrcd the Caufe of Gravity, and the
inteftine Motion of Fluids.

To him we owe all the obfervations on the Par-
allax of the Pole-Star^ and all the new Theories of
the Deluge.

He it was, that firft taught the right ufe fome-
times of theFuga Va:ul^ and fomctimes of theAfa-
tcria Sulti/isj in refolving the grand Phenomena of
Nature.

He it was that firft found out the Palpability of ,
Colours ', and by the delicacy of his Touch, could

diftinguilh



158 MEMOIRS OF

diftinguifh the dificrentVibrations of the heteroge-
neous Rays of Light.

His were the rrojecls of Perpetuitm Mo'-iles,
Flying Engines y and Pacing Saddles ; th Method
of difcovering the Longitude by Boml-Veffch^ and
of encreafing the Tradc-JVind by vaft plantations of
Reeds and Sedges.

I (hall mention only a few of his Philofophical
and Mathematical Works.

1. A compleat Digeft of the Laws of Nature,
with a Review of thofe that are obfolete or repeal-
ed, and of thofe that are ready to be renew'd and
put in force.

2. A Mechanical Explication of the Formation
of the Univerfe, according to the Epicurean Hy-
pothefis.

3. An Inveftigation of the Quantity of real Mat-
ter in the Univerfe, with the proportion of the
fpecifick Gravity of folid Matter to that of fluid.

4. Microfcopical Obfervations of the Figure and
Bulk, of the conftituent Parts of all fluids. A Cal-
culation of the proportion in which the Fluids of
th Earth decreafe, and of the period in which
they will be totally exhaufted.

5. A Computation of the Duration of the Sun,
and how long it will laft before it be burn'd out.

6. A Method to apply the Force arifmg from
the immenfe Velocity of Light to mechanical pur-
pofes.

7. An anfwer to th queftion of a curious Gen-
tleman ; How long a New Star was lighted up
before its appearance to the Inhabitants of our
earth ? To which is fubjoincd a Calculation, how
much the Inhabitants of the Moon eat for Supper,
confidering that they pafs a Night equal to fifteen
of our natural days.



MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS. 159
8. A Demonftration of the natural Dominion
of the Inhabitants of the Earth over thofe of the
Moon, if ever an intcrcourfe mould be opened be-
tween them. With a propofal of a Partition-
Treaty^ among the earthly Potentates, ui cafe of
fuch difcovcry.

g. Tide-Tables, for a Comet, that is to ap-
proximate towards the Earth.

10. The number of the Inhabitants of London
determined by the Reports of the GoM-fin-lors,
and the Tonnage of their Carriages j with aliuvv-
ance for the extraordinary quantity of the Ingcjta
and Egefta of the people of England, and a de-
duction of what is left under dead walls, and dry
ditches.

It will from hence be evident, how much all
his Studies were directed to the univerfal Benefit
of Mankind. Numerous have been his Projects to
this end, of which Two alone will be fufEcicnt to
fhow the amazing Grandeur of his Genius. The
firfl was a Propofal, by a general contribution of all
Princes, to pierce the firft cruft or Nucleus of this
our Earth t quite through, to the next concentri-
cal Sphere. The advantage he propofed from it
was, to find the Parallax of the Fixt Stars ; but
chiefly to refute Sir Ifaac Newton's Theory of Gra-
vity, and Mr. HaUey's of the Variations. The fe-
cond was, to build Two Poles to the Meridian^
with immenfe Light-houfcs on the top of them ;
to fupply the defect of Nature, and to make the
Longitude as cafy to be calculated as the Latitude.
Both thefe he could not but thrnk very practica-
ble, by the Power of all the Potentates of the
World.

May we prefurac after thefc to mention, how
he descended from the fublime to the bencHcial
parts of Knowledge, and particularly his extraor-
dinary



160 MEMOIRS OF

dinary prafHce of PhyficJt. From the Age, Com-
plexion, or Weight of the perfon given, he con-
trived to prefcribe at a diftance, as well as at a
Patient's bed-fide. He taught the way to many
modern Phyficians, to cure their Patients by In-
tuition^ and to others to cure without looking on them
at all. He projected a Menftruum to diflblve the
Stone, made of Dr. Woodward's Univerfal Deluge-
water. His alfo was the device to relieve Con-
fumptive or Afthmatic perfons by bringing frem
Air out of the Country to Town, by pipes of the
nature of the Recipients of Air-pumps : And to
introduce the Native air of a man's country into
any other in which he fhould travel, with a fea-
fonable Intromiffion of fuch Steams as were moft
familiar to him ; to the inexpreffible comfort of
many Scotfmen, Laplanders, and white Bears.

In Phy/iognimy, his penetration is fuch, that
from the Picture only of any perfon, he can write
his Life ; and from the features of the Parents,
draw the Portrait of any Child that is to be born.

Nor hath he been fo enrapt in thefe Studies, as
to negle<Sl the Polite Arts of Painting, Architec-
ture, Mufick, Poetry, etc. It was he that gave the
firft hint to our modern Painters, to improve the
Likenefe of their Portraits by the ufe of fuch Co-
lours as would faithfully and conftantly accompany
the Life, not only in its prefent ftate, but in all
its alterations, decays, age, and death itfelf.

In Architecture, he builds not with fo much re-
gard to prefent fymmetry or convcniency, as with
a Thought well worthy a true lover of Antiquity,
to wit, the noble effect the Building will have to
pofterity, when it (hall fall and become a Ruin.

As to Mufic, I think Heidegger has not the face
to deny that he has been much beholden to his
Scores.

In



MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS. 161

In Poetry, he hath appeared under a hundred
different names, of which we may one day give a
Catalogue.

In Politicis^ his Writings arc of a peculiar Caft,
for the moft part Ironical, and the Drift of them
often fo delicate and refin'd as to be miftaken by
the vulgar. He once went fo far as to write a Per-
fuafivc to people to eat their OATI Children, which
was fo little urtderftood as to be taken in ill part *.
He has often written againft Liberty in the name
of Freeman and Algernon Sydney, in vindication of
the Meafures of Spain under that of RaUlgh^ and
in praifeof Corruption under thofe of Cat 3 and Pu-
blicola.

It is true, that at his laft departure from Eng-
land, in the Reign of Queen Anne^ apprehending


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Online LibraryAlexander PopeThe works of Alexander Pope Esq. : In nine volumes, complete. With his last corrections, additions, and improvements; as they were delivered to the editor, a little before his death. Together with the commentary and notes of Mr. Warburton (Volume 6) → online text (page 8 of 20)