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Ethel Watts Mumford Grant.

Sick abed : a farcical comedy in three acts online

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were going to try to get you out of the state but
I was sure we'd have to do the sick thing, and I
arranged it. You've got to be sick abed.

JAY. Like hell ! I'll do nothing of the kind.
(Crosses to R.)
, WEEMS. (Toe.) Oh Lord.

CHALMERS. (Back of table) Well, it's happen-
ed. There wasn't a chance in a million we'd get
by. (Moves to c.)

JAY. What is all this ?

WEEMS. (Crosses to L. of JAY) They can't
make you testify if you're too ill.

JAY. But I'm not ill.



SICK ABED 19

CHALMERS. (Crosses to c.) But you've got
to be.

WEEMS. For God's sake, Reginald don't you
understand, you've got to be taken so desperately
ill, that you can't even make a deposition.

( JAY front of armchair R. )

JAY. (R.) Hah! I suppose I caught the jungle
fever from a baby elephant.

(WEEMS crosses to c.)

CHALMERS. The attack must take place now, at
once, immediately. (Crosses back of table, picks
up phone) I'll phone the doctors. They're wait-
ing. I told them to hold themselves in readiness
for an immediate call and communicate with their
nurses. Hello give me Plaza 1341.

WEEMS. (Crosses to sofa and picks up hat)
Chalmers, are you able to trust those doctors? Do
they thoroughly understand?

(JAY sits armchair down R.)

CHALMERS. I only had time to barely outline
the case, but you told me to go as far as I liked
with the fees. I explained that thoroughly.

JAY. You would.

WEEMS. (R. of sofa) I told you it was worth
$10,000 to me to stop this thing. Make it twenty
and split it any way you please.

CHALMERS. Hello hello (Glancing at his

watch)

WEEMS. This will have to be cash, of course.
(Puts cap on and prepares to leave)

CHALMERS. Certainly Oh hello, is this you,



20 SICK ABED

Dr. Flexner? This is Chalmers. Will you have
Dr. Widner at your office in ten minutes? Yes,
the patient, the one I mentioned. (Looks uncan-
ingly at JAY) Thank you. (Goes up c. gets hat
from chair in hallway and returns to c.)

JAY. (Rises) Oh say ! I'm not going to come
home and go right to bed. I've got a poker party
tonight.

WEEMS. Listen ! It's vitally important to me
it's only a matter of gaining time.

JAY. Oh but how about me ?

WEEMS. How about me? Reginald, you owe
me some return for my devotion, haven't I been
a father to you?

JAY. (Front of table R. c.) Oh, go to it. I
suppose I've got to.

WEEMS. (Cross to L. of JAY. Puts arm about
JAY) My boy, I knew I could depend on you.
Pull this off for me and it means another trip
round the world for you. (Crosses to c.)

CHALMERS. We must go at once. We haven't
a moment to lose. (Goes up c. Both WEEMS and
CHALMERS move up towards the door)

WEEMS. (Goes up c.) Don't you dare leave this
house.

JAY. (Crosses quickly up c. to R. of door) Can't
I even go out ?

(They cxi. and stand at half closed doors up c.)

CHALMERS. (SAJI enters L. i.) Go back, go
back.

WEEMS. Tell the janitor you're ill and send
Saji for champagne.

CHALMERS. Go back and lock everybody out.

JAY. Oh I say, Guardy.

CHALMERS. Go back!



SICK ABED 2i

(JAY up c. They shut the door in his face. CHAL-
MERS and WEEMS Exeunt. JAY comes down to
L. of chair L. of table disconsolately)

SAJI. Mr. Jay! I so glad you back. (JAY sits
L. of table. SAJI crosses to c.) Excuse please you
go out tonight to club, eh ? You play poker ?

JAY. Club ! . I can't go out.

SAJI. (Pointing to JAY'S face) Oh Mr. Jay,
you look velly sick in the face.

JAY. What!

SAJI. You much better go bed.

JAY. (Rises, leads SAJI up c.) Don't you start
that too. You go out, lock the door and don't let
anybody in. I'll lock myself in my room. I want
to be alone. (Bus. of locking door as CONSTANCE
enters, turns, starts down c., sees CONSTANCE and
returns to door alarmed)

CONSTANCE. (Crosses to c.) Reggie! (Pushing
up her veil}

JAY. (Starts to go up to doors, then cosses
down R. to back of table. CONSTANCE follows JAY
up c. Then to L. of table) Oh Constance! Shoo,
shoo, you don't know what you're doing.

(CONSTANCE comes to chair L. of table.)

CONSTANCE. Indeed I do. Reggie you've sim-
ply got to help me. I know my husband's been here
talking to you. It's just like him to try and influence
you appeal to your sympathies I knew he would,
but you're going to help me to get that divorce.
{Crosses back of table to R. of it)

JAY. (Backing away from CONSTANCE) Now,
s'ee here, Constance I can't help you. On my soul,
I hnozv. Hang it all'! I can't turn on Weems he's
my guardian. Now, Constance, be a sport. (R. of



22 SICK ABED

table. CONSTANCE to R. of it, kneels on chair and
puts arm round JAY. He R. of her, tries to draw
away)

CONSTANCE. I am, and it's my turn to have some
sport. Oh, Reggie ! Why did you run off to Africa
just when I needed you? (Grabs his hand) I could
have got this divorce a year ago. Think of all the
wasted time. Reggie !

JAY. (Backing away) You don't want a divorce.
Have a heart.

CONSTANCE. It's because I have a heart!

JAY. And you'd haul that poor old boy's little
vacations right out before everybody, and spoil his
whole young future.

CONSTANCE. What about mine? Reggie, how
can you! (CONSTANCE grabs JAY'S L. hand. He
swings down and crosses to L. of chair and L. of ta-
ble, puts chair between him and her. She holding
his hand goes to chair and kneels on it) You you
used to be considerate of me. (Kneels on chair)
You used to be sorry for me. You said yourself, I
was ill-treated. You said, oh, you know what you
said ! (She hangs on to his neck, he ducks and tries
to get away and each time he ducks down, she lifts
him up by the neck)

JAY. No now, I didn't. I don't say you've had
a square deal exactly

CONSTANCE. (Kneeling on the chair L. of table)
Well, I mean to have one now, yes, I do !

JAY. I I tell you, Constance I'm I'm not
strong enough. I've had Jungle fever; I've had a
relapse. I Constance get someone else to do this
job there must be plenty of others oh, hang it!
What am I saying ! Let me out of it Lord ! You
can't make a woman understand !

CONSTANCE. It's a man who won't understand.



SICK ABED 23

Reggie dear, for old time's sake (Puts arms round
JAY'S neck)

JAY. Oh, Lord ! How would I look helping you
get a divorce from father's friend, my own guar-
dian ! Don't you see ? Why, I couldn't look a soul
in the eye.

CONSTANCE. (Soulfully) You could look me in
the eye.

JAY. Well, I couldn't spend the rest of my life
looking you in the eye now, could I ?

CONSTANCE. (Sentimentally tries to pull him
dose to her} Why not?

JAY. (Breaks away and crosses to front of
hamper) Don't be silly. I've got to be loyal. Why
can't you?

CONSTANCE. (Following to R. of basket} Be-
cause my husband wasn't Reggie, (Crosses to R.
of basket) Don't be a Don Quixote. We've got
to think for ourselves in this world. (Possessively)

JAY. Well, but I am.

CONSTANCES Well, think about me and our beau-
tiful romance.

JAY. Our beautiful romance?

CONSTANCE. Don't pretend you don't rememr
ber our wonderland. (Draws JAY down on hamper)

JAY. Oh, forget it ! (Sits L. end of basket)

CONSTANCE. As though anything could be so
beautiful. (Settles herself on hamper R. of JAY
Sentimentally) As the Alice in Wonderland ball
when you were dressed as Tweedledum and I was
Tweedledee ?

JAY. (Melting) Oh er yes Jolly good
champagne they served that night good spread,
too.

CONSTANCE. (Pulling herself closer to JAY)
Don't you remember after supper in the conser-
vatory ?



24 SICK ABED

JAY. After supper awfully good vintage.

CONSTANCE. Don't you remember how we ex-
changed rings so delightfully medieval and ro-
matic, wasn't it?

JAY. Gad yes and I never returned it, did I?
Rotten careless of me.

CONSTANCE. (Puts arm around JAY'S neck)
\Vhy should you? Don't you remember, we made
a pact.

JAY. A pact? (mystified) A pact?

CONSTANCE. That when either needed the
other we were to send the ring just like a fairy
tale?

JAY. That was wonderful champagne that
night.

CONSTANCE. (Intensely) Reggie - - here
(Holding out her hand on which is the ring) is the
ring.

JAY. H'm. So it is. That was the best ring
I ever had.

CONSTANCE. Reggie, you won't spoil our fairy-
tale? (She holds his hand, JAY strokers her hand)
hep you, but my dear girl, don't you see I can't !

JAY. Oh Lord ! Constance I I wish I could
help you, but my dear girl, don't you see I can't !

CONSTANCE. Don't you remember you promised.

JAY. (Brightly, with a new inspiration) Now,
listen, Constance. I'll tell you what I will do. I'll
see if I can get your Old Boy to frame up some-
thing else, and let us all get out of it easily.

CONSTANCE. But he won't. (Withdraws her
hand He continues to stroke his own hand) No,
it won't do. He's perfectly capable of claiming
illusion. Reggie, don't you want me to get a
divorce. Don't you want your little Tweedledee to
be happy (She puts her arm around him)

JAY. Of course, of course I want to see you
happy. You ought to be happy.



SICK ABED 25



CONSTANCE. Then-



JAY. Confound it, Constance. Your lawyers
Tiave subpoenaed me. (Takes subpoena out of
pocket} Now you promise to call them off and I'll
see what I can do with Weems. There's a good
Dee dee.

CONSTANCE. My Dum dum. (Removes her
hat and rests her head on JAY'S shoulder)

WEEMS. (Voice heard off stage) Saji, tell Mr.
Jay I am here.



(JAY rises and brushes the powder from his coat.
CONSTANCE rises.)

CONSTANCE. Oh ! Familiar voice.
(SAji enters up c.)



SAJI. Excuse please, Mr. Weems at door

CONSTANCE. (Alarmed) My husband!

JAY. Weems!

CONSTANCE. Oh don't let him see me (Crosses
quickly to R. c. JAY quickly follows her)

JAY. Thai's my bedroom. You can't go in there.

CONSTANCE. I don't care if it is.

JAY. Well, I do. (Catches hold of her, drags her
to L.) Go in there. (Runs CONSTANCE off L. I
Turns to SAJI) Saji, show him in.

CONSTANCE. (At the door) Reggie, you prom-
ised to help me

JAY. (Hustling her off) I'll make him agree to
a frame-up for all our sakes. Keep this door shut.
(Pushes her off; shuts the door. Crosses up c.
Direcily JAY leaves the door CONSTANCE enters
again)

CONSTANCE. Oh Reggie, I want to hear. (Goes



26 SICK ABED

to hamper, opens lid, and gets in with a giggle. In
closing the lid after her, her blue ostrich feather
gets caught, and protrudes under the lid. JAY and
'WEEMS enter talking}

JAY. (Taking WEEMS L. arm, coming down c)
Now see here, Guardy, I've been thinking. I want
to talk this over with you. Suppose you frame up
something or other and let Constance

WEEMS. (R. of JAY) Impossible, impossible!

JAY. It's being done. Now see here, Weems, I
tell you listen, I've a plan.

WEEMS. All I need is a little time, and (Sud-
denly notices the blue ostrich feather sticking out of
hamper) Good heavens! What have you got in
that basket? (Points to it. JAY turns and sees
the feathers)

JAY. What! Oh Oh (Collecting himself)
Oh, that! T th that's an ostrich

WEEMS. An ostrich?

JAY. Yes, a live, blue ostrich.

WEEMS. A blue ostrich ! (Starts to cross to the
basket. JAY intercepts him)

JAY. Oh keep away from that! She's wild,
and he's blue.

WEEMS. Whoever heard of a blue ostrich.

JAY. Oh it's very rare. Very ostrichazura.

WEEMS. Dear me, how interesting. Ostriches-
azura. (Crosses to L. of JAY and again tries to
lift the lid. JAY grabs his arm and swings him to c.)

JAY. (R. of WEEMS) Now see here, Weems, I
beg, I implore you to let Constance obtain the di-
vorce on some non-committal ground. Say cruelty,
or habitual drunkenness.

WEEMS. Reginald, understand me once and
for all, I will not free Constance, to make me ridi-
culous, by marrying the whippersnapper.

JAY. Whippersnapper ?



SICK ABED 27

WEEMS. I simply will not. Opprobrium, while
I don't court it, I can combat, but not ridicule.

JAY. What do you mean Whippersnapper ?

WEEMS. I mean that Constance is infatuated.

JAY. I don't believe it. I know Constance. No
sir, nothing like that.

WEEMS. I tell you it's so. (He moves up L. c.
Lid of basket raises and closes as WEEMS turns
down stage. JAY staggers as he sees lid open} She
as good as admitted it

JAY. What did she say?

WEEMS. She called me an old nut. (Crosses
down L. c.)

JAY. Oh that's mere married persiflage.

WEEMS. She taunted me.

JAY. How ?

WEEMS. She said she didn't intend to be an
old man's slave all her life, when she could be a
young man's darling. (Moves to L. of JAY. Com-
fidentially} She informed me, she knew a young
man who would play Tweedledum to her Twee-
diedee. Ha, ha ! Her Tweedledum indeed.
(Crosses to R. c. JAY registers amazement. Lid
of basket slowly rises. JAY terrified, leans against
table} What do you think of that? (WEEMS goes
down R. JAY crosses to WEEMS as PAT enters, with
truck}

JAY. Sh, the Janitor !

PAT. That black and tan haythen told me to come
for the basket. And by the same token if it wasn't
for yerself Mr. Jay, I'd not be takin' orders from
the loikes o' him. (Puts truck down alongside the
hamper. JAV crosses to help him with the basket.
PAT tries to lift it} Say, that Japanese told me
this was empty.

JAY. (Holding his hand on the lid as he helps
to lift} Now be very careful with this.



28 SICK ABED

(Hamper moves. PAT jumps away alarmed.}

PAT. Oh, it moves. What's in it?

JAY. An ostrich. Handle with care and don't
put that over the bumps.

PAT. Wid care is it? D'ye know where this is
going, with me store room full, and me furnace
room full it do be goin' to the sub cellar, that b
where it's going. (Exit PAT wheeling off the ham-
per. JAY follows him up c. ad lib till off)

JAY. (Up c. Sways against door frame) Ohi
if that basket had stayed a minute longer I believe
I'd have fainted. (Comes down, sits on sofa)

WEEMS. Why?

JAY. Why? Why? Oh, why!

WEEMS. Why, you're acting as if you were



JAY. Well, didn't you ask me to be ill ?

(Enter CHALMERS with FLEXNER and WIDNER up
c. CHALMERS enters first and goes to up end of
table. FLEXNER follows and crosses down to
L. of WEEMS at front of table. WIDNER fol-
lows down c. FLEXNER moves a step to R. c.
as WIDNER shakes hands with WEEMS)

CHALMERS. Mr. Weems, the doctors, allow me,
"Dr. Flexner. (Back of table)

FLEXNER. (To c.) Ah Mr. Weems delighted,
I remember you very well.

DR. WIDNER. Delighted. (Shakes hands)

WEEMS. (As he shakes hands with WIDNER)
Gentlemen you must find this an odd consultation.

WIDNER. (c.) Where, may I ask, is the patient ?

CHALMERS. (Who has moved to L. c. indicating
JAY) This is the patient.



SIGK ABED 29

(WIDNER and FLEXNER look at JAY and then at
each other.}

JAY. I'm pleased to meet you, but I'm hopeful
we can adjust this without your services. If Mr.
Weems will only

CHALMERS. (At the R. end of sofa) You will
have to be guided by me.

FLEXNER. A very excellent adviser. (Crossing
to L. c. to R. of sofa) I have had the pleasure of
knowing Mr. Chalmers for years. Mr. Chalmers,
I have every confidence

WEEMS. Be seated, gentlemen.

(CHALMERS gets chair from up c. and places it c.
Sits R. of table. WIDNER sits L. of table.
FLEXNER sits L. of WEEMS.)

CIIAT.MERS. (Crosses to back of table) Let's
get down to business. The fact is as I have told
you, Mrs. Weems wants a divorce.

WIDNER. I am thoroughly opposed to divorce for
ethical reasons.

FLEXNER. No family physician could feel other-
wise.

CHALMERS. To assist in preventing a divorce is
a worthy act.

WEEMS. And I have just come from the Bank.
(JAY rises f and paces nervously up and down)

JAY. Where the fees come from.

FLEXNER. (Looks at JAY then at WIDNER, then
back to JAY) Upon my soul, Mr. Jay, you do look
badly.

JAY. Do I?

CHALMERS. Mr. Weems I think we had best be
going.

WEEMS. Why?



30 SICK ABED

CHALMERS. It wouldn't do to have it known that
\ve were here, when the attack took place.

JAY. The attack ! (Sits sofa}

WEEMS. Yes, yes, I see. (Rises and crosses to
"R. of chair, R. of table)

FLEXNER. (Rising) I don't wish to appear
mercenary, but just a word with regard to fees.

{ WEEMS goes up R. He hands money to FLEXNER,
then comes down and hands money to WIDNER.
WIDNER moves to R. of table.)

CHALMERS. (Comes to R. of sofa. FLEXNER re-
places chair up c.) I hope you fully understand the
gravity of the situation.

JAY. Do I?

CHALMERS. Well, don't forget it.

WEEMS. (Crosses to JAY) Good bye, my boy.
If the worst comes to the worst. (Shakes his hand)
God bless you.



{JAY turns and watches WEEMS off. CHALMERS
goes up c., exits with WEEMS. DR. WIDNER
down R., FLEXNER up c. JAY sitting sofa)

WIDNER. (R.) How's the patient, eh?

FLEXNER. Now we had best proceed with the
diagnosis. (WIDNER walks down c. then up to R.
cf sofa, keeping his eyes on JAY. FLEXNER walks
down L. JAY looks from one to the other with
suspicion)

WIDNER. (R. of sofa) We will prepare a list
of your symptoms which you must memorize. We
have decided on nervous prostration.

JAY. Why nervous prostration?

FLEXNER. (L. of sofa) Because it's absolutely



SICK ABED 31

impossible to prove you haven't got it. See the
point ?

WIDNER. If you say you have fainting spells.
Dizziness a desire to scream, bursts of laughter,
who's to prove you haven't ?

FLEXNER. Besides I have a clinical thermome-
ter that always registers 104. (Taking out ther-
mometer}

JAY. Why 104?

FLEXNER. 104 is hope without certainty.

WIDNER. But you must remember to be sick.

JAY. Do you know of some prominent under-
taker?

FLEXNER. Leave all that to us.

JAY. (Rises and crosses to L. of table R. c.)
I will. All right, I'll be ill. I'll have mumps, chick-
enpox, measles, shingles. But not nervous prostra-
tion ! (Crosses to front of table L. FLEXNER to c.)

WIDNER. (Moves a step to L. of JAY) You
have got to have sinking spells.

JAY. (Sits L. of table) I've just had one.

FLEXNER. Sudden pains, restlessness Of course
you can't go out.

JAY. But lots of prostrates go out.

WIDNER. But you can't or you could go to Court.
Why, you're too ill even to make a deposition.

JAY. Am I ?

WIDNER. You will be. (Looks meaningly at
FLEXNER) Even in this apartment, you have to
go in an invalid chair. I've left orders at my sani-
tarium to have one sent over.

FLEXNER. How about your nurse?

JAY. But I don't want a nurse. Can't I be dying
without a nurse ?

WIDNER. They always go with dying.

JAY. (Crosses to R. of table) Then I don't



32 SICK ABED

want a nurse. I won't have it ! Let Saji take care
of me.

FLEXNER. But my dear sir it won't do It
would have no verisimilitude. (Crosses to behind
chair L. of table. WIDNER crosses up round table
to down R. of table}

JAY. I don't want any veri-similitude ; and I
won't have a nurse. They're all tyrants.

WIDNER. Not at all, Air. Jay, not at all.

JAY. They are too. Lemon-faced, sour old
maids, all of them.

FLEXNER. I assure you

WIDNER. The day nurse may be here at any
moment. (Moves to R. of JAY)

JAY. Oh Lord !

FLEXNER. (To L. of JAY, who sits R. of table}
Come on now, take your collar and shoes off and
get ready for the nurse. (WIDNER and FLEXNER
start taking off his shoes WIDNER R. and FLEXNER
L. of JAY)

JAY. But hang it, get me an orderly, I don't
want a nurse. (They remove his shoes and collar
and hustle him off R. WIDNER stands at the door
as JAY and FLEXNER move to door} I tell you I
can stand anything but that I loathe nurses. They
all smell of ether.

FLEXNER. No, they don't.

JAY. Yes, they do too. I've smelt 'em. I'm not.
sick, oh, I'm dying!

(Door closes. As WIDNER stands at the door Miss
DURANT enters up c. and comes down c. look-
ing about her.}

Miss DURANT. Oh, Dr. Widner, you left word
for me to come right up and the door was blocked



SICK ABED 33

open and nobody about, so I came on in. I hope
it was all right.

WIDNER. (Crosses to front of table R. of Miss
DURANT) Oh quite, nurse. Quite. I want to
explain a little about this case. It's prostration. He
doesn't realize his condition. Or rather only at in-
tervals. He thinks he's perfectly well and then he
thinks he's dying. He er has hallucinations
imagines he's involved in some sort of conspiracy
don't be surprised at anything he may say or do.

JAY'S VOICE. (Heard off) Take your hands
out of my pocket.

WIDNER. Fancies he's being robbed. (Looks
thoughtfully toivards the door R.) I wonder! You
must be gentle with him but very firm. Absolute
necessity for him is quiet. Under no circumstances
must he see anyone, except his guardian, Mr.
Weems and Mr. Chalmers, his lawyer. Otherwise
positively no one, you understand?

Miss DURANT. Yes, doctor, I understand.
(Moves to front of sofa. Loud commotion comes
from bedroom R. as JAY enters wrapped in dressing
gown. He walks backwards, talking to FLEXNER,
inho follows him)

JAY. (Crosses to c. to L. of WIDNER. FLEXNER
R. of WIDNER) Be reasonable, can't you? Remem-
ber I'm as well as anybody. I'll agree to stay put,
but I'm hanged if I'll stand for all this other bunk.
And I positively will not have a nurse. (He turns
and catches sight of Miss DURANT) Who is this
lady?

FLEXNER. Your nurse, Miss Durant.

JAY. I'm sick. I'm dying. I want a nurse.

Miss DURANT. (Humoring him) Yes, yes.

JAY. (Crosses to Miss DURANT with outstretched
arms. She leads him and seats him on R. end of
sofa) Oh, I'm so glad you've come. Oh good,



34 SICK ABED

kind, lovely nurse, oh, don't move, you're not go-
ing to leave me ?

Miss DURANT. (Standing R. of JAY) Why no,
certainly not. I never disappoint my doctors.

JAY. (R. end of sofa, holding on to Nurse)
You'll surely stay? It's one of my symptoms. I
take violent likes and dislikes. What did you say
your name was?

Miss DURANT. Miss Durant.

JAY. Miss Durant. Have you a first name?

Miss DURANT. Georgina.

JAY. Georgina beautiful name!

Miss DURANT. I'm glad you like it.
FLEXNER. (To CHALMERS) This begins to look
like a case !

WIDNER. Yes. Now, Miss Durant

(Miss DURANT turns to c.)

JAY. Oh oh ouch ! My head oh, it's com-
ing off oh, oh hold it on for me hold it on.
(Miss DURANT at arm of sofa. FLEXNER goes up
<:. to ring bell. WIDNER then moves over to L. of
CHALMERS. She takes his head in her hands, and
he subsides purring)

Miss DURANT. (WIDNER going away a step up
c. Miss DURANT putting hands on JAY'S fore-
head, moving back of him) There does that help?

JAY. (Smiling) Does it help? It feels like
victory on a capital dome.

FLEXNER. (Crosses to R. of Miss DURANT) I'm
araid you'll have to humor him, Miss Durant !
(Goes up c. to ring bell)

JAY. Oh oh don't take your hand off it's
loosening again, oh! (Taking down one hand and
looking at it. FLEXNER moves a step L. of WID-



SICK ABED 35

NER) Why, what a beautiful hand. Did you bring
your trunk?

Miss DURANT. Oh no, just my grip !

SAJI. (Enters L. i. Crosses to L. of JAY) Ex-
cuse please. Somebody ling?

JAY. Oh, that you, Saji? This is Miss Durant,
my nurse.

(SAji looks disgusted at Miss DURANT.)

SAJI. (Amazed} Much better get honorable
man nurse.

JAY. (SAji looks') That will be about all from
you, Saji. Take Miss Durant's grip to her room.
Miss Durant will have the red room and the little
sun-parlor.

SAJI. Yes, sir. (Picks up grip and starts to
go, then turns} Oh, excuse please Man jus' bling
baby carriage. Who for?

JAY. (Looks slowly at WIDNER. Miss DURANT
still holding his forehead} Am I going to have a
baby? (All register}

WIDNER. Miss DURANT moves L. and back of
JAY) It's the invalid chair -

FLEXNER. Send it in. (Moving up c. back of
lable to R. Sits R. of table}

WIDNER. (Crosses to R. of Miss DURANT)
Now, Mr. Jay, you must remember you are to be
quiet. (To Miss DURANT) Nurse, he is not to
receive visitors under any pretext whatever. Nurse,
give him your best attention. (Sits L. of table and



Miss DURANT. I understand.

JAY. I feel I'm going to be sick for a long time

( WIDNER to up R. of JAY.)



36 SICK ABED

Miss DURANT. Oh no you're not.

JAY. Oh, yes I am. I feel it coming on.

(Enter PAT wi:k zvheel chair to c.)

PAT. (Looks at JAY and Miss DURANT) For
the love o' heaven, what next?

(JAY looks at if, disgus'edly, then leaps up clutch-
ing at Miss DURANT.)

JAY. Oh there's my little chair.

(WIDNER L. of table and writes, sitting, and FLEX-
NER to R. of table sits and writes.}

Miss DURANT. It's very comfortable.

JAY. I want to get into my chair ! ( Gets in and
wheels L.) Who wants a Buick? (At once starts
wheeling it down to L. Nurse to L. c.)

PAT. He's not an explorer, he's a nut. (Exits
muttering "He's a nut"}

WIDNER. (To R. of Nurse, who is L. c.) Now,
Miss Durant, here is the regime he is to follow.
(Sits L. of table and writes JAY turns his chair
and faces to c.)


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