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Sick abed : a farcical comedy in three acts online

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him.



no SICK ABED

CONSTANCE.. Divorce! Do you think I'd divorce
my big, .splendid, beautiful husband? for a little
snip like you ?

JAY. Can you beat it!

MACKLYN. I'll never diagnose another woman
so help me God !

CONSTANCE. I never wanted to go through with
my divorce. Never, never! It was just to discip-
line you. Oh, Johnny, how you could you think it
of your dear, little wife, who adores you? Oh!
(Feigns a sob, falls on WEEMS' neck)

WEEMS. Oh, I'm weak !

JAY. You were a week in Spain.

WEEMS. Why you! I'll brain you! (Rushes at
JAY)

Miss DURANT. (Intercepts him) Mr. Weems!

\.\CK grabs WEEMS' L. arm. All three go
up stage. WEEMS c., DURANT R. of him, and
CONSTANCE L. of WEEMS. MACKLYN to L. c.)

WEEMS. Let me get at him ! (WEEMS turns and
hugs Miss DURANT) My darling! CONSTANCE and
DURANT scream. He turns to CONSTANCE) Par-
don me, Miss Durant, my mistake! (Hugs CON-
STANCE) My darling! (Takes CONSTANCE to door
L. ) Constance, my darling, go to the motor, and
wait for me. I've just one more word to say to this
person.

JAY. Person ?

MACKLYN. (To JAY) He means you. (Kiss.
P.x'tf CONSTANCE)

WEEMS. (At door L. Turns and winks at JAY)
Didn't mean a word of it. I never read more inno-
cent letters than yours Reggie. Thanks to you we're
reconciled. Damn fine woman my wife, damn fine.
Ha. ha. (Exits)



SICK ABED in

JAY. (JhLord! I'm dizzy.

WEEMS. (Sits chair down L.) Dizzy, I'm faint-
ing again!

JAY. Oh, you, I forgot about you two veterinary
surgeons. But now it's all off. There isn't any
more divorce suit, no more dope, no more anything.
And out you go.

MACKLYN. (Comes to c. I'm still an authority
here. If you please the pleasure is mine.

( WIDNER rises indignant.)
WIDNER. But but but



.FLEXNER. Hush, you sound like a motor boat.
JAY. All right the pleasure is yours.

( WIDNER sits again.)

MACKLYN. (Crosses to R. of table) Gentlemen,
you are dismissed from the case.

FLEXNER. Dr. Macklyn, you are exceeding your
authority.

MACKLYN. Dr. Flexner, you are exhausting my
patience.

WIDNER. (Rises and crosses to L. of table) Dr.

Macklyn, we refuse to be bamboosled by you any

longer. Sir, I warn you I'm roused. And when I'm

roused I'm a riot. I shall report your conduct, sir !

(MACKLYN R. of table.)

FLEXNER. (Urging WIDNER on) Don't weaken.

WIDNER. All I can say to you, sir is (WIDNER
chokes with indignattion. Becomes red in the face)

MACKLYN. That's enough. Take him out be-
fore he bursts. (FLEXNER hustles WIDNER out.
Exit FLEXNER and WIDNER) And now, I shall
discharge myself.

Miss DURANT. (Crosses to c.) But doctor, they



ii2 SICK ABED

filled him full of medicine what will I do ?

MACKLYN. (Stops and turns) Give him a seda-
tive and put him in a dark room !

JAY. (At R. c.) I don't want to be in a dark
room !

MACKLYN. But your nurse will be with you.

JAY. Then make it as dark as you like.

Miss DURANT. But Dr. Macklyn, this is serious.

MACKLYN. All heart troubles are serious, but it
happens to be a case where the services of his nurse
are more valuable than those of a physician. As an
emergency nurse, you have few if any equals and I
bid you pair of idiots good morning. (Crosses
Exit L.)

JAY. (A step to DURANT) Georgina, dear, we're
alone at last !

Miss DURANT. Come, I must take care of you.
(Goes up table to get medicine)

JAY. (Follows her to L. of her) No, you're
through taking care of me, I'm going to take care
of you. Won't you stop being my nurse, and be
my wife? (They sit on upside of bed)

Miss DURANT. You dear boy ! Don't you know
that every wife is her husband's nurse?

JAY. And don't you know I love you? Isn't it
time for another hallucination? (They kiss with
backs to audience)

(Enter DR. MACKLYN crosses to table up L. c. to
get his bag.)

DR. MACKLYN. I beg your pardon, I forgot my
(Sees their position. They are sitting on bed with
backs to audience, Miss DURANT resting her head on
JAY'S shoulder Picks up bag, smiles) However, I
beg your pardon. (Exit L.)

Curtain.




(D



UC SOUTHERN REG



NOTHING



BUT THE TRUTH




Comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery. 5 males,
6 females. Modern costumes. 2 interiors. Plays 2^ hours.

Is it possible to tell the absolute truth even for twenty-four
hours? It is at least Bob Bennett, the hero of "Nothing but
the Truth," accomplished the feat. The bet he made with his
partners, his friends, and his fiancee these are the incidents in
William Collier's tremendous comedy hit. "Nothing but the
Truth' ' can be whole-heartedly recommended as one of the most
sprightly, amusing and popular comedies of which this country
can boast. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents,



SEVENTEEN

A comedy .of youth, in 4 acts. By Booth Tarkington.
8 males, 6 females. 1 exterior, 2 interior scenes. Costumes,
modern. Plays 2 1 /4 hours.

It is the tragedy of William Sylvanus Baxter that he has ceased
to be sixteen and is not yet eighteen. Baby, child, boy, youth
and grown-up are definite phenomena. The world knows them and
lias learned to put up with them. Seventeen is not an age, it is a
disease. In its turbulent bosom the leavings of a boy are at war
with the beginnings of a man.

In his heart, William Sylvanus Baxter knows all the tortures
and delights of love ; he is capable of any of the heroisms of his
heroic sex. But he is still sent on the most humiliating errands
by his mother, and depends upon his father for the last nickel
of spending money.

Silly Bill fell in love with Lolo, the Baby-Talk Lady, a vapid,
if amiable little flirt. To woo her in a manner worthy of himself
(and incidentally of her) he stole his father's evening clothes.
When his wooings became a nuisance to the neighborhood, his
mother stole the clothes back, and had them altered to fit the
middle-aged form of her husband, thereby keeping William at
home in the evening.

But when it came to the Baby-Talk Lady's good-bye dance, not
to be present was unendurable. How William Sylvanus again
got the dress suit, and how as he was wearing it at the party the
negro servant, Genesis, disclosed the fact that the proud garment
was in reality his father's, are some of the elements in this
charming comedy of youth.

"Seventeen " is a story of youth, love and summer time. It is
a work of exquisite human sympathy and delicious humor. Pro-
duced by Stuart Walker at the Booth Theatre, New York, it en-
joyed a run of four years in New York and on the road. Strongly
recommended for High School production. (Royalty, twenty-five
dollars.) Price, 75 Cents.



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Online LibraryEthel Watts Mumford GrantSick abed : a farcical comedy in three acts → online text (page 7 of 7)