George Howells Broadhurst.

Why Smith left home: an original farce in three acts online

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times.)

SMITH, (with a look of surprise. To GENERAL)
After turning him down as I did, there's that
damned Italian again. (MRS. S. knocks on door.
SMITH goes to door, GENERAL up R.) If you don't
get away from that door, I'll come in there and
dust the furniture with you. (back to GENERAL.
An exchange of looks of astonishment between MRS.



76 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

B. and MRS. S. MES. S. knocks again) I'll soon
settle this, (goes back of table, takes off coat, rolls
up shirt sleeves, indicates to GENERAL what he will
do to the Italian. GENERAL encourages him by say-
ing, " That's right, put him out of the house, etc."
SMITH throws door open) Confound your impu-
dence, I'll !

(Sees MRS. S. and MRS. B., closes door quickly,
and motions for GENERAL, who takes hold of
door knob, holding door closed. At the same
time MRS. B. and MRS. S. try to open the door
from opposite side.)

GENERAL. Who is it, who is it?
SMITH. Your wife.
GENERAL. My wife!

{Holding door closed. Motions for SMITH to take
his place. SMITH makes quick exit laughing,
R.)

MRS. B. (pulling at door, trying to open it)
General, General !

GENERAL, (still holding on door-knob) Yes,
my dear.

MRS. B. (still working at door) Open this door,
I say. Open it immediately !

GENERAL. I cannot open him, my dear. The
table is on my feet.

MRS. B. (holding the door-knob) What did you
say?

GENERAL. I say my feet is on top of ze table.

(MRS. S. and MRS. B. with a vigorous pull open
door, throwing GENERAL into the room and
down L. MRS. S. holds door open with right
hand. Looks at GENERAL and MRS. B. MRS.



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 7?

B. in pantomime threatens the GENERAL. At
the same time, LAVINIA enters door R. comes
through den and enters door between den and
room L., sees MRS. S. and MRS. B., turns quickly,
passes through door into the den. MRS. S.
catches LAVINIA'S dress in left hand and closes
door on it, thus holding LAVINIA prisoner.)

CURTAIN.



ACT III.

SCENE: Same as Act L

(Bos enters R. 2, crosses L. 3.)
BOB. (R. 2) I wonder where Marion is?
(Enter MRS. S. from R. 3.)

MRS. S. (coming down c.) Here you are.

BOB. (L. c.) What is left of me.

MRS. S. (c.) I'm awfully sorry, but this time
I have a meal prepared where you can surely eat
without being disturbed.

BOB. (L. c.) And this Paradise is?

MRS. S. (c.) The kitchen!

BOB. The kitchen ! I won't complain. I don't
care where it is so long as it really is.

MRS. S. (c.) I have an object in serving it
there. My husband is going to attend a party which
the maids give here to-night. I want you and Hose
to watch him.

BOB. (L. c.) Oh, you're suspicious of hubby?

MBS. S. (coming R. c.) Not by any means.



78 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

Any wife can tell you that there is a wide differ-
ence between suspecting one's husband and wanting
to know what he does.

BOB. (L. c.) I'll remember that.

MRS. S. (c.) To do thoroughly what I wish
you to do will necessitate your mingling more or
less with the servants, and going in the kitchen will
give you a chance to get acquainted.

BOB. (crossing to MRS. S.) Then, as I under-
stand it, you wish us to attend the party, too?

MRS. S. (c.) If you are willing.

BOB. Willing isn't the word. We'll be delighted.

(SMITH appears L. 3.)

MRS. S. (kisses him, SMITH starts) But then
you always were the loveliest brother.

SMITH, (aside) Oh! brother Bob!

BOB. (L.) But about Rose? I left her here
and she seems to have disappeared.

MRS. S. (c.) Probably went, to look for you.
Come along, we'll find her and arrange details.

(MRS. S. and BOB exeunt R. 3.)

SMITH, (c.) (from beliind curtain, looking at
them, coming down c.) Oh, that's the brother Bob,
is it? Why is he there masquerading in a band
uniform, and who s is the girl. Something for me to
look into.

(RosE enters R. 2 E., takes sheet of music from
pifino. Sits R.)

ROSE. Why doesn't Bob come back?
(Sits in chair R. SMITH turns and sees ROSE.



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 79

SMITH up L. 3 entrance, looks off, motions
GENERAL to come on. GKMIKAL enters, SMITH
takes him by the arm, brings him towards c.)

SMITH. I believe that girl understands English.
(;I:\I:I;AL. (up c.) No.
S.MITH. (c.) I imagine I can prove it.
GENERAL, (c.) How?

XOTE : SMITH plays this whole scene ivitli bur-
lesque seriousness.

SMITH. By a bluff. Help me out. (both com-
ing down stage) No wonder you don't believe it,
but I saw him saw that Italian music master kiss
my wife. (EosE smiles)

GENERAL, (crosses L.) Oh, what a villain ! (go-
ing L.)

SMITH, (c.) Do you know what I am going to
do? I'm going to kill him (looking at EOSE.
EOSE is frightened)

GENERAL. (L.) Yes, zat is right, kill him, kill
him.

SMITH. I'll kill him so dead that the proverbial
door-nail will seem as lively as a galvanized jack-
rabbit. In there (pointing to door L. 2) you will
find a gun

GENERAL. (L.) A gun!

SMITH. A buom buom gun (GENERAL
crosses towards door, SMITH follows) bring it to
me, bring it to me, and I'll give you a magnificent
illustration of a man booming business for the near-
est undertaker. (GENERAL exits L. 2. SMITH sweeps
up stage. As SMITH goes up, EOSE watches him
and rises as if to entreat him, when SMITH looks at
her she drops back into her chair) And to think
that it should come to this, that all my happiness
has been but a dream to be shattered by this rude



80 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

awakening (glancing at EOSE) and that even into
my little garden of Eden a serpent should crawl
(coming down c.) Oh, I can't bear it, I can't bear
it. (looking at EOSE)

GENERAL, (re-enters L. 2, with pistol, coming
to c.) Is zis se one?

(GENERAL hands SMITH the pistol, EOSE looks
alarmed the pistol is a large, old-fashioned one
with a double cock, and as SMITH cocks it be-
fore speaking, EOSE starts.)

SMITH, (c.) It is not so large as I might have
wished, but it will do. And now, General, I go to
perform a sacred duty, to wipe off the earth a double-
dyed villain who has been contaminating its at-
mosphere too long; my blood boils within me, my
soul cries out for vengeance, and I'll have it, I'll
kill him. (starts toward door R.)

EOSE. (rising and catching his hand) But it is
all a mistake. (SMITH and GENERAL laugh exult-
antly. EOSE fearful at having betrayed herself)

SMITH. (R. c. to EOSE) Oh, so you not only
understand English, but you speak it as well.
Caught, my dear, caught as nicely as could be. And
now, what does it all mean?

EOSE. (stuttering and embarrassed) He is your
wife's brother. And having nowhere else to go came
here. As Mrs. Smith's auntie came also she was
afraid to tell you about it and so passed us off as
some one else. (EosE goes to door R.)

SMITH, (turning to GENERAL) Two more on
me. Clear, General !

GENERAL. (L.) Perfectly, my boy.

EOSE. (R. turns back) What will they think of
me when they know about this?

SMITH, (c.) (going to EOSE, R.) They needn't
know. I won't tell them.



WHY SMITH LEFT flOME. 81

ROSE. Won't you?

SMITH. No, I give you my word, and moreover,
I'll take good care of you and Bob in the bargain.

ROSE. Will you? Do you know, I think I shall
like you very much.

SMITH, (taking ROSE'S hand) And I am quite
sure that Bob has shown excellent taste in the selec-
tion of my wife's sister-in-law, (kisses ROSE'S hand)

ROSE. (R.) Brother John!

SMITH. (R. c.) Sister Rose! (ROSE exits R. 2
E. SMITH rings bell on table R., turns to GENERAL,
laughs, GENERAL laughs, crosses down extreme R.
as SMITH goes up to table^c., places pistol on table.
To GENERAL) Did I carry it through all right,
General ?

GENERAL. (R.) Indeed you did, my boy, indeed
you did.

(Enter ELSIE R. 3, stands at table up c., at ELSIE'S
entrance he assumes a semi-tragic pose, rest-
ing one hand on an upturned book, delivers
speech very solemnly.)

SMITH. Elsie, tell Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Billet-
doux to come here immediately on a matter of great
importance.

(ELSIE exits R. 3, SMITH resumes natural manner,
comes down to GENERAL.)

GENERAL. (R.) What are you going to do now?

SMITH, (c.) I am going to give my wife a gen-
tle scare, and incidentally give one to yours as well.

GENERAL. Splendid, splendid, but, my boy, you
need not be too gentle with my wife, (both laugh)

(Enter R. 3, MRS. BILLETDOUX and MRS. SMITH,



g WHY SMITH 'LEFT HOME.

MRS. B. preceding MRS. S. MRS. B. goes L.
and sits in chair, MRS. S. comes down R. to c.)

MRS. B. (as she comes on) Elsie said you
wished to see us.

MRS. S. (c. as she comes on) Yes, on a matter
of great importance, (coming down R. to c.)

SMITH, (c.) Elsie's mistaken. The matter is
very simple. This morning I kissed your maid. I
was able to explain. Less than five minutes ago
I saw you kissed by your music master. I wish
you to explain. There, that is all.

MRS. S. (L. c.) You saw him?

SMITH, (c.) Yes, my dear, I saw him, and
now for the explanation, please. For, of course, you
have one. ^

MRS. S. (L. c.) I can explain, John, but don't
you see (indicating the presence of MRS. B. and
whispering)

SMITH, (c.) Pardon me, but I don't see. (imi-
tating MR.S. S.'s gestures and whisper)

MRS. S. (L. c.) I can explain easily enough,
John, but not now.

SMITH, (c.) (mock seriousness) Let me un-
derstand the matter, please, (winks at GENERAL
R.) I make this assertion in the presence of your
aunt. You neither deny or explain it. What am
I to infer?

MRS. S. (L. c.) Don't be foolish. When you
understand you will know I am not in the least to
blame.

(MRS. S. goes up c. to window, stands with back to
audience.)

SMITH, (c.) I know that now, but the blame
must fall on some one, and I'm going to place it



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 83

where it belongs (to MRS. B.) and that's on you,
miuiarn. On you! (SMITH looks at GENERAL, who
motions SMITH to continue and shows great amuse-
ment)

MRS. B. (L.) (looks indignantly at SMITH)
On me?

SMITH, (c. of R.) You took into your house-
hold a 3 r oung and innocent girl. You were her
guide, philosopher and friend. You instilled into
her mind your ideas and your maxims. She was
clay in your hands to be moulded as you pleased.
And what is the result? Before the honeymoon is
over, yes, even before it has begun, her husband
sees her kissed by her music master. And now,
madam, what defence have you to make? What
can you say in extenuation of this conduct, the
responsibility for which rests on you and you alone.
(triumphantly looking at GENERAL. GENERAL very
much pleased, laughs at the situation. MRS. B.
astonished, sinks into chair R. of table L.) (gloat-
ingly) Well, madam, have you nothing to say,
have you no excuse to offer? (shakes hands with
GENERAL c.)

MRS. B. (L. in chair, looks at SMITH, but
doesn't see bus. with GENERAL) Well, I declare!
Why should you

(Jumps to back of MRS. B.'s chair and breaks it on
her.)

SMITH. (L.) How dare you answer me. How
dare you? (Picture: MRS. B. in chair looking up
at SMITH completely dumbfounded. SMITH at her
R., left hand on back of her chair, looking down on
her. Back again to MRS. B.) Your husband,
here (going over to GENERAL, slaps him on back)
Brave man as he is, willing to shed his life's blood
in your defence when he can do so with honor, even



84 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

he remains silent. (SMITH nudging GENERAL with
elbow GENERAL very pompously goes R. saying
"Silent." By this time MRS. SMITH has worked
down c. tvithout seeing bus. between SMITH and
GENERAL, so as to meet SMITH. SMITH to MRS. S.)
You, I hold guiltless, and against you cherish no
resentment, but you, madam, you I leave alone with
your husband, your niece and a conscience which I
should imagine would haunt you to your grave.
(MRS. B. starts, shows disturbed feeling. SMITH
takes pistol from table c. at the same time, MRS. S.
joins MRS. B., who is seated in chair R. of table L.
GENERAL watches SMITH all through the scene until
he makes exit) Yes, madam, to your grave.

(As SMITH exits the GENERAL looks at him, waves
his hand approvingly, turns down stage and
laughs heartily.)

MRS. B. (crossing R. Seeing GENERAL laughing,
rises from chair) General! General! (crosses to
her R. of chair)

GENERAL. (R., stops laughing, looks at. MRS. B.)
Yes, my darling, (crosses up behind arm-chair R.)

MRS. S. (L. c.) What is the matter with John?

MRS. B. (R. c.) That's just what I should like
to know. But you did right not to deny it. The
idea of his accusing you of such a thing.

(LAVINIA appears at L. T, catches GENERAL'S eye.
As GENERAL sees her, turns, making quick
exit R.)

MRS. S. (L. c.) Absurd, isn't it?
(LAVINIA comes down stage c., with letter in hand.)

LAVIXIA. (c. to MRS. S.) What is th* meaning
of this, ma'am?



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 85

MRS. S. (L.) You can easily ascertain by read-
ing it.

LAVINIA. (c. reads) " I shall not require your
services after to-night." (to MRS. S.) Then I am
discharged, am I?

MRS. S. (L. c.) You are.

LAVINIA. (c.) On what grounds?

MRS. B. (R. c.) Details are entirely unneces-
sary.

LAVINIA. (faces MRS. B.) In the polite society
to which I am accustomed, ladies never put in their
spoke until they are spoken to. Please remember
that, Mrs. Busybody.

MRS. B. (looking indignantly at LAVINIA) Gen-
eral ! General! (looking surprised at finding
GENERAL gone)

LAVINIA. (comes down) Being a brave man, he
skipped out when I stepped in. (waves MRS. B.
aside. MRS. B. goes to L. of table L. to MRS. S.)
Xow, ma'am, please tell me why I am discharged?

MRS. S. (L. c.) For what occurred this after-
noon.

LAVINIA. (R. c.) And what was that?

MRS. S. (L.) There is no necessity for any dis-
cussion. (MRS. B. comes down L. and MRS. S. goes
to MRS. B.)

LAVINIA. (crosses to R.) Oh, there isn't, isn't
there. We'll soon find out about that. (LAVINIA
rings bell on small table R. of piano. Enter ELSIE
and JULIA JULIA L., ELSIE R. 3. LAVINIA turns
and speaks to two servants) By virtue pf the
authority vested in me as secretary of the Cook
Ladies' Union, I declare a strike in this house.
(looks at MRS. SMITH) Now, is there any neces-
sity for a discussion?

MRS. S. (turns and speaks to servants) And
am I to understand that you two refuse to continue



86 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

your duties? (two servants stand with folded arms
defiantly, then start as if to speak)

LAVINIA (un c.) Ladies! Ladies! 7 am spokes-
man of this committee, (to MRS. S.) Not only
will they refuse to do your work, but your milkman
will not leave you any milk, your iceman will not
leave you any ice, your drug clerk will not fill up
your prescriptions, your coachman will neglect to
attend to your hcrses, and so on, etc., etc.., ad infini-
tum, ad valorem. (LAVINIA folds arms defiantly)

MRS. B. (to MRS. S.) What can you do?

MRS. S. (looks crushed) Nothing, (then she
recovers herself) Lavinia, I have considered this
mailer, and you may remain.

LAVINIA. (waving her hands at two servants)
That's all, girls, the strike is off.

(JULIA crosses up L., exit L. IT. E. ELSIE -and
LAVINIA exit, LAVINIA defiantly, R. 3 E.)

MRS. S. (going up stage) What insolence!
What insolence!

(Bell rings.)

MRS. B. If I were running this establish-
ment !

MRS. S. You would be just as powerless as I
am. This is one of the many beneficent results of
all being born free and equal. (Exit MRS. S. and
MRS. B.)

(Enter JULIA L. 3, followed ly COUNT.)

JULIA, (crossing R.) Please wait here, sir.
COUNT, (c.) Excuse me, excuse me. Have you



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 87

some things heard by me since I from here was
departured ?

JULIA. (R. c.) Oh, yes, sir, I heard Mr. Smith
tell his wife a very interesting piece of news. Some
women are so fortunate.

COUNT, (c.) Ach! Go way mit you! But
Mrs. Schmidt. What did she about it say?

JULIA. (R. c.) She said some things certainly
were beyond the limit of our finite comprehensions.

COUNT. So? Was dat for me in my favor, yes
or no ?

JULIA. (R. c.) She meant that she couldn't
understand why you wished to marry Miss Smith.

COUNT. (c.) Not understand! Und Miss
Schmidt mit all dose loveliness! Ach mein gott,
the jealousy of dose womans. (goes down} But
it is always as it was.

JULIA. Yes, I've noticed that, sir.

COUNT, (goes to JULIA) Of course, for I can
see you are a girl dat can much discrimination.

JULIA. (R. c.) Thank you, sir.

COUNT, (c.) Und now make haste so quick,
say to Herr Schmidt dat I wait here mit myself to
see him alone togedder mit me.

JULIA. I'll hurry, sir. (going up c.)

COUNT, (following JULIA up c.) Und say to
Herr Schmidt dat I burn mit impatience burn all
up mit him, right from der basement up to der
roof.

JULIA. (R. c.) I I don't understand you, sir.

COUNT. What you call dot feeling when things
so slow do go, what you want so quick to go ! Dot
feeling which made you burn all up in here (hand
to heart) in here on the inside of the outside.

JULIA. Oh, you mean impatience?

COUNT, (c.) Is dat him what I mean. No?
Yes?



88 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

JULIA. (R. c.) Yes, sir, impatience. Very well,
sir, I'll tell him, I'll tell him. (Exit R. 3 E.)

COUNT, (coming down stage L.) Oh, I never
like dis did feel before already, no, sir! All der
blood what in my feet should be in und in my
hands should be in, und in me all over should be
in, is in my throat in.

(Enter SMITH R. 3, going down R., COUNT taking
stage L. COUNT is standing at table L., look-
ing up stage. When he sees SMITH he strikes
table quickly with each hand. SMITH is stand-
ing at R. of chair L., when COUNT strikes table
SMITH jumps over chair and goes quickly to
door R. 2. COUNT rushes over R. in great ex-
citement.)

COUNT, (to SMITH) Speak it out, speak it out
soon what your sister did say, if you do not want to
see me mit dot impatience explosion, (crossing L.)

SMITH. (R.) I appreciate your feelings, Count,
in the^ matter. You need not worry. Everything
is all right. (R. corner)

COUNT, (going to L. c.) Und she Mrs. Countess
Von Guggenheim will be?

SMITH. (R.) She will.

COUNT. (L. rushing over to SMITH, seizing his
hand and shaking it violently) Mein friend und
brudder, mein friend und brudder. I am so happy
so happy dat I could sing mit all der strongness
of my voice! (turns up stage in ecstasy)

SMITH. (R. c. aside) He must be hypnotized.
Perhaps he thinks she's an heiress, (to COUNT)
I suppose you know my sister hasn't any money.

COUNT, (turning and coming down c.) Money,
what do I care for him. We Von Guggenheims



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 89

are rich under your Astorbilts und your Vander-
goulds.

SMITH, (R.) I am very glad to hear it.

COUNT, (c., approaching SMITH) But you by
me have been so kind, is dere one thing more dat
you will do?

SMITH. (R. c.) There's nothing I wouldn't do
to help the good work along.

COUNT. As I this afternoon to you have told, I
to-morrow sail by me for Berlin. If your sister
would only ach, but it could, not be she would
not do it, she would not do it. (goes and sits R. of
table L.)

SMITH. Don't you believe she wouldn't. What
is it?

COUNT, (rising excitedly and coming to c.) If
we could be married by each odder before I go,
und we could sail away togedder.

(SMITH is up c., COUNT faces him, little down L.
As SMITH catches the full import of COUNT'S
speech, he smiles extravagantly.)

SMITH, (up c.) Sail away together. ( COUNT
nods) To-morrow?

COUNT. (L.) You have said.

SMITH, (c.) This is too easy! This is too
easy !

COUNT, (comes down c., facing SMITH) You
by me have been so kind so good will you not try
und arrangement dis as well? (holding out his
hand) Will you? Will you?

SMITH, (going to COUNT, taking his hand) Will
I? In a minute, (starting to R. 3) Wait here.
I'll arrange it and send her to you.

COUNT, (follows SMITH) But she will not do
it, she will not do it.



90 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

SMITH, (turning) Won't she? Yon just watch
whether she will or not. (Exit SMITH R. 3)

COUNT, (coming down stage in rapture) Soon
she will be here by me und I will speak mit her dose
language of love. I jny arms will put her waist
around, den I will draw her to me mit der closest of
nearnesses. When she comes I my hand will do dis
(placing hand to heart) I by myself will do dis
(draws himself up to his full height coming c.,
gleefully) then I bow to her mit all my graceful-
ness, (bows very low, facing R. 3 E.)

(Mils. SMITH enters R. 3.)

MRS. S. Well, that is arranged all right, (going
to R. c.)

COUNT. (L. c., raising his hand, sees MRS. S.
aside) She is here, she is here !

MRS. S. I beg your pardon, (starts to with-
draw R. 3 E.)

COUNT. (L. c.) Ach, do not go (starts to-
wards MRS. S., seizes her hand aside) She is here
mein gott she is here.

MRS. S. (R. c., releasing herself) But we have
never been introduced, you know, although I under-
stand you are soon to be one of the family.

COUNT, (c.) Mr. Schmidt, he has told you?

MRS. S. (R. c.) Yes.

COUNT. And it is all right?

MRS. S. (R. c.) Of course.

COUNT, (going to MRS. S. with great fervor)
Mein angel !

(COUNT clasps MRS. S. in his arms and tries to kiss
h er 8 h e struggles, finally releases herself and
pushes him to the L.)



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 91

MRS. S. What do you mean by such conduct?
How dare you, sir, how dare you take such a lib-
erty? (going to R.)

COUNT, (coming c.) Is not dis dere place what
I kiss you here?

Mus. S. (back to R. c.) No, sir, it is not. And
let me tell you, if Mr. Smith knew what you have
done, he would take great pleasure in providing you
with one elegant high-priced marble tombstone.

COUNT, (c.) Tombstone? (approaching MRS.
S.) But in Germany, I kiss by you, you kiss by me,
I your hand do take und put in mine over under
both togedder !

MRS. S. (R. c.) Ah, that may be very proper
in Germany, but in this country, all such tokens of
affection belong to my sister, (take stage R.)

COUNT, (c.) By your sister?

MRS. S. (coming to R. c.) Of course. And
another thing, it is her hand you must hold, not
mine.

COUNT. (L.) In dis country, I must by your
sister make love, under her hand hold by me?

MRS. S. (c.) Most assuredly.

COUNT, (coming down L. aside) I did not
know dis country was so dam foolishness!

MRS. S. (L. c.) As her consent alone is neces-
sary, it is into her ears you must pour all your
protestations of love !

COUNT, (going to up c.) I refuse me to do it,
I refuse me to do it.

MRS. S. (R. c.) Why so? If your course is
prompted by love as I am told it is.

COUNT, (turning to her) Lofe! In Germany
I lofe by one hundred, one thousand womans, but
take all of dose, roll it all up into one togedder,
und dis time my lofe is one hundred times more
bigger dan dose was it is (becoming demonstra-



92 WHY SMITH LEFT HOME.

tive) If I could told you what is in my heart



in-



MRS. S. (R. c.) My sister, Count, my sister.

COUNT. (L. c.) I do not like dose sister busi-
nesses! You are der one I lofe !

MRS. S. (R. c., indignantly) Sir!

COUNT, (c.) You are der one I lofe so, why
should I to dat old woman explanation.

MRS. S. That will do, sir, that will do, I have
heard enough. (going toward door R. 2) Mr.
Smith shall learn of this. (Exit R. 2. COUNT goes
down L.)

(Enter Miss SMITH R. 3.)

Miss S. Count! (hiding behind curtains pic-
ture)

COUNT, (turns and sees Miss SMITH. Aside)
Der old woman !

Miss S. (comes down c.) I feel so embar-
rassed. I never was in such a position before.

COUNT. (L. c.) I never was like dis situation
eider.

Miss S. (c.) To meet you for the first time
under such circumstances, knowing tliat you are go-
ing to make a declaration of affection, and knowing
also that the heart to which you speak beats in per-
fect unison with your own, it is but natural I sup-
pose that I should experience a feeling of perturba-
tion, not unmixed, I will admit, with a sense of
ecstatic exhilaration and rapturous diffidence.

COUNT. (L. c., aside) I never heard such speak-
ing.

Miss S. (turning her lack to COUNT and holding
out her hand) Haven't you anything to say to me?

COUNT, (seeing her outstretched hand indicates
his own) She knows about him! She knows.



WHY SMITH LEFT HOME. 93

(comes over to Miss S. and takes her hand) I
asked me Mr. Schmidt.

Miss S. (c.) Ah, but you haven't asked me.
.COUNT. (L. c.) I do him now. Do you gif me
my consent? No! Yes!

Miss S. I do. (throws her head on COUNT'S
shoulder takes his arm and putting it around her
own waist, pursing up her mouth to kiss him.
COUNT hesitates, looking disappointed) Don't you
know what to do now ?

COUNT. Not in dis country. (Miss S. purses
up her mouth again. COUNT turns, looks at her a
moment and turns away. Aside) For her sister.


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