Horace Walpole.

Fugitive pieces in verse and prose online

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fupply her with decent materials for meflages*
For inftance,

20 packs at 52 cards per pack - — 1040.

Now fhe muft fend cards to invite all thefc
people, which will employ four hundred of the
thoufand and odd 3 and allowing her to fend but

, twentv



[ 55 1
twenty private meffages every morning, in
howd'ye's, appointments, difappointments, &c.
and to make but ten vifits every night before
me fettles for the evening, at each of which fhe
muft leave her name on a card, the account will
ftand thus :

Meffages to 400 people - 400

20 Meffages a day, will be per month - 560
10 Vifits a night, will be per month - 280



Total 1 240

Which, without including extraordinary occa-
fions, as a quarrel, with all its train of confe-
quences, explanations, ceffation of hoftilities,
renewal of civilities, &e. makes her debtor to
two hundred cards more than me is creditor for.
I know it may be objected, that a good oecono-
mift will cut one card into three names ; but if
fhe lives in a good part of the town, and chufes
to infert the place of her abode under her name,
that will be impoflible. Before I quit this article
of leaving one's name, I muft mention a ftory
of a Frenchman, from whofe nation we are
faid to borrow this cuftom, who being very

devout



[ 5« ]

devout and very well-bred, went to hear mafs at
the church of a particular faint in Paris ; but
fome reparations being making to the church,
which prevented the celebration of divine fervice,
the Gentleman, to {hew he had not been want-
ing in his duty, left his name on a card for the
Saint on his altar.

I fhall now proceed to acquaint you with my
fcheme, which is, to lay a tax on cards and notes ;
the latter of which are only a more volumnious
kind of cards, and more facred ; becaufe a foot-
man is allowed to read the former, but is de-
pended upon for never opening the latter. In-
deed, if the party-coloured gentry's honour
were not to be trufted, what fatal accidents
might arife to families ! for there is not a young
lady in London under five and twenty, who does
not tranfact all her moft important concerns in
this way. She does not fall in love, {he does
not change her lover or her fan, her party or
her ftay maker, but {he notifies it to twenty
particular friends by a note -> nay, {he even in-
quires or trufts by note where the only good
lavender-water in town is to be fold. I cannot

help



[ 57 I

help mentioning to the honour of thefe fair
virgins, that after the fatal day of Fontenoy,
they all wrote their notes on Indian paper, which
being red, when infcribed with Japan ink, made
a melancholly military kind of elegy on the brave
youths who occafioned the fafhion, and were
often the honorable fubject of the epiftle.

I think the loweft computations make the in-
habitants of this great metropolis to be eight
hundred thoufand. I will be fo very moderate as
to fuppofe that not above twenty thoufand of
thefe are obliged to fend cards, becaufe I really
have not yet heard that this fafhion has fpread
much among the lower fort of people ; at lead
I know, that my own Filhmonger's wife was
extremely furprized laft week at receiving an in-
vitation to an aflembly at Billingfgate, written
on a very dirty queen of clubs. Therefore as it
is the indifpenfable duty of a legiflature to im-
pofe taxes where they will fall the lighteft, no
body will difpute the gentlenefs of this duty,
which I would not have exceed one penny per
card. I fhall recur to my former, computation
of a lady's fending 1240 cards per month, or
I 16120



[ 58 J

16120 per '-annum 9 which multiplied by 20,000,
and reduced to pounds Jlerling^ fixes the produce
of the duty at £.1343333 6 s. 8d. a year for
the cities of London and Weftminfter only.
But mould this appear too enormous a fum to be
thrown into the fcale of minifterial influence, I
beg it may be confidered that for near four
months in the year this tax will produce little
or nothing, by the difperfion of the nobility
and gentry, and the difufe of vifits and affemblies ;
and I cannot think that what may be raifed by
this tax in all the reft of the kingdom, will re-
place the deficiency of one third which may fail
in the capital.

I have not reckoned notes, becaufe it will be
time enough to confider them when the bill is
brought in, as well as to what province of the
great officers of the crown this duty fhall belong.
Whether the fum of a penny may bring it under
the infpeclion of the tribunal in Lombard-ftreet,
or whether the bufmefs negotiated may not fub-
jecl: it to the Lord Chamberlain's office : For as
to the Groom-Porter, the claim which I forefee
he will put iii under the notion of tranfa&ions

with



[ 59 ]

with cards, I think it will be of no weight,
A friend of mine, to whom I communicated
my fcheme, was of opinion, that where -ever
the duty was collected, the oiHce would be a
court of record, becaufe as I propofe that all
engagements mould be regiftered, it would be
an eafy matter to compile a diary of a Lady of
Quality's whole life. One caveat I muft put
in, which is, that the tax being to be laid chiefly
on people of fafhion, it may not be allowed to
Members of either Houfe to frank their wives
cards, which would almoft entirely annihilate
this fupply for the fervice of the government,

I propofe too, that printed cards (a late im-
provement) mould be liable to the ftamp duties,
for though this practice has not hitherto made
great progrefs, yet fuch induftry is ufed to evade
A£ts of Parliament, that I am perfuaded we
fhould no longer hear of written cards, though
the greater part of the card muft neceffarily be
left blank to infert the name and quality of the
perfon invited, the day appointed, and the bufi-
nefs to be performed,

I 2 The



[ 6o ]

The moft of a mejjage card that ever I have
feen printed, was as follows :

« Lady M. M. <?rN. N's. rU and

" -/he of- company on

« to .»

I fhall add two other cards with thefe blanks

rilled up, to fhew that the reft of the mefTage

cannot be certain enough to be left to the
printer.

" Lady M. M. or N. NV humble fervlce to her
<c Grace the Duchefs of T. and begs the
" honour of her company on Monday five
" weeks to drink Tea.'' 1

" Lady M. M. or N. N'j. company to Mrs. B.
" and d fires the favour of her company
u to-morrow to />/#y <?£ IVhifk"

I have a fecret fatisfaclion in thinking how
popular I fhall be with the Gentlemen of the
upper Gallery, who, by this eftablifhment of

ports



[ 51 ]

polls for cards and notes, will get all their morn-
ings to themfelves, and have time to drefs them-
felves for the play, or even to read the play on
which they are to pafs their judgment in the
evening. Indeed this toil of theirs has already
been fomewhat abridged by the indefatigable
care and generofity of that learned and exact
lady, the Lady Northriding, who introduced the
ufe of vifiting maps : Every lady has now a
particular map of her own vifits, accurately en-
graved for a trifling expence, and can fend her
cards, or bid her coachman drive methodically
to all her acquaintance, who, by this invention,
are diflxibuted into fquares, parifhes, hundreds,
6fr.

I do not know how far it may be necefTary to
licence the cards of foreign Minifters ; but as
thofe illuftrious perfonages pretty fteadily adhere
to the dignity of their character, and do not
frequently let themfelves down to divert the
natives of the country, if my poor afliftance
ihould be required by the legiflature in drawing
up the bill, I mould not be againft granting this
immunity to the reprefentatives of fo many great

Monarchs



[ 62 3

Monarchs and Princes. But I am entirely
againft any other exceptions, unlefs of fome fair
and noble Ladies,who I hear intend to give balls on
the approaching birth-day of the * Royal Youth,
who has fo glorioufly delivered his country and
beauteous country women from their apprehen-
fions of a race of barbarous mountaineers ; and
who is now extirpating rebellion in the very
heart of thofe inhofpitable mountains,

I am, Sir,

Your humble Servant,

DESCARTES.

* The Duke of Cumberland.



ADVER*



ADVERTISEMENT*.

This Day is publijhed, in Ten Volumes in Folia,
THE

Hiftory of Good-Breeding,

FROM THE

CREATION of the WORLD,

TO THE

PRESENT TIMES:

As fet forth in

FORMS and CEREMONIES.

And appointed to be ufed in
Churches, Visits, Coronations, &ft*
Collected from the beft Authors ;
As Baker's Chronicle, the Compleat Dancing-Mafer, the
Law of Nations, the Margrave } s Monitor, the C?»-
JlabWs Guide, PicartV Religious Ceremonies, &V.
The Whole adapted to the meaneft Capacities,
Whether Peeresses, Lord Chamberlains, Embassadors,
Bishops, Justices of the Peace, Gentlemen Ushers,
Barbers, or Chamber-Maids.

In this Great Print,

Pray let us.

By the Author of the Whole Duty of Man.

N. B. The Eight laft Volumes which relate to Germany, may
be had feparate.

At her Feet he bowed. Judges, C. 5. V. 27.

DUBLIN Printed ; LONDON Re-printed ;
For Clement Quoteherald, at the Sign of Cham-
pion Dimmock, in A<ve~ Maria- Lane.

* Publijhed in No. V. of the Museum, May 1746,



[ 6 5 ]



Table of the Contents.



BOOK I.



CHAP. L

Abufe.



f\ F Good Breeding in general. Its life and



CHAR IL

Of Ceremonies: Why fome are abolijhed^ and fome
retained.

CHAP. III.

Of their Origin and Antiquity.

CHAP. IV.

Of Brutality : Why fometimes taken for Wit,
Some Endeavours to prove, that Bluntnefs and
Beajilinefs are no Marks of Courage.

CHAP. V.
A Critical Enquiry, whether the Black Prince dif
couraged all Good Breedings except when in
aclual War with France.

K CHAP.



[ 66 ]

CHAP. VI.

Origin of Curtfies : Eve'x to her Shadow in a

Fountain.

CHAP. VII.

Injlitution of Ducheffes\ the Serpent calling Eve >
Your Grace.

CHAP. VIII.

A Digrejfion on illegitimate Princes; and why they
contract all the Dignity of the Father •, and nont
of the Bafenefs of the Mother*

CHAP. IX.

Enquiry whether Adam called Eve, Madam, or
My Dear, before Company : The latter Opinion
condemned by the Council of Nice.

CHAP. X.

Which went firjl out of the Door of Paradife $
Adam, ^rEve.

BOOK II.

CHAP. I.

A Defcription of Noah'j living en Famille in the
Ark. Some Reflexions on his Wife> for not

wajbing



t <v J

wajhing her Face and Hands, though they had
fuch plenty of Water. A fever e Cenfure on mar~
ried Folks > who break Wind before one another.

CHAP. II.

Origin of Vifits. The ^ueen of ShebaV to Solo*
mon. ^uare, If ever he returned it.

CHAP. III.

The Invention of Bows afcribed to Semiramis, by
Herodotus.

CHAR IV.
On Duels. The Pr office defended : Highly com*
mendable to take away a Man's Life for treading
on your Toe^ even by Accident. Challenges may
be refufed by Crowned Heads \ or from any Infe-
rior. More honorable to be beat by one that is n*
Gentleman^ than to fight him.

CHAP. V.

Rules when to take or give the Wall ; and when H
give or take a Box on the Ear.

CHAP. VI.

Compliments no Lies. Whether it is lawful to be
denied; St. Auftin thinks not. Porters excom-
municated by Pope Pius.

CHAP.



[ 68 ]

CHAP. VII.

On the Folly of being well-bred to Perfons in Want
or AfjUclion.

CHAP. VIII.

Nothing fo ill-bred^ as to perji/i in any thing that
is out of Fajhion. Tajle and Fajhion fynony-
mous Terms*

CHAP. IX.

Good Breeding different in different Ages : For in-
Jiance, Formality and Punclilio the Height of
Good Breeding in Queen Anne's Reign ; a Dif-
folution of all Civility , in King George V.

BOOK III.

CHAP. I.

The Nature and End of Dancing. The Duty of
it proved from the Example of King David, and
others. What Perfons are qualified to give Balls.

CHAP. II, III, IV, V, and VI.

Rules to be obferved at Balls ; and in general \ at
all public Meetings,

CHAP.



[ % ]

CHAP. VII.

Differtation on School- Mijlreffes. By whom fir Jl
incorporated.

CHAP. VIII.

Whether Superiors, or Inferiors, are to bow and
curt' fey firft. Whether a Knight's Wife may
take any thing ill of a Duchefs > and how imper-
tinent any Peerefs may be. At what Age a hand-
jome Woman fhould grow civil-, and at what
Age they have been known to grow fo.

CHAP. IX.

On what Occafions it may be civil to be rude to Wo-
men : When well-bred to talk Bawdy : Whether
BiJJjops Jhould at Chrijlenings. With many other
curious Particulars, on Marriages, Maiden-
heads, Widows, Hoops, Fans, Wigs, Snuff-
boxes, Entertainments, &c. As alfo Directions
for forgetting one's Friends, &c. &c. To
which is annexed, a curious Sermon of Bifl)op
Latimer againjl felling Bargains.



THE



[ 7o ]

The W O R L D*.

By Adam Fitz-Adam.

Numb. VI. fburfday, February 8, 1753.

To Mr. Fitz-Adam.

|| Totum mundum agit hijlrio.

S I R,

AS you have chofen the whole World for
your province, one may reafonably fup-
pofe, that you will not neglect that epitome of
it, the Theatre. Moft of your predeceffors
have befiowed their favorite pains upon it : The
learned and the critics (generally two very dif-

* A periodical Paper, undertaken by Mr. E.
Moore, author of fever al plays and poems. The
World has been re-printed infix volumes, 1 2mo.

|| The Play-houfe Motto reverfed : " Totus Mun-
" dus agit Hiflr'iGmm"

tin<a



I 71 ]

tin& denominations of men) have employed
many hours and much paper in comparing the
ancient and modern ftage. I mail not undertake
to decide a queflion which feems to me fo im-
poffible to determined, as which have moft merit,
plays written in a dead language, and which we
can only read ; or fuch as we every day fee acted
inimitably, in a tongue familiar to us, and a-
dapted to our common ideas and cuftoms. The
only preference that I fhall pretend to give to the
modern ftage over Greece and Rome, relates to
the fubjecl: of the prefent letter : I mean the daily
progrefs we make towards nature. This will
ftartle any bigot to Euripides, who perhaps will
immediately demand, whether * Juliet's nurfe
be a more natural goflip than Eledtra's or Me*
dea's. But I did not hint at the reprefentation
of either perfons or characters. The improve-
ment of nature, which I had in view, alluded
to thofe excellent exhibitions of the animal or
inanimate parts of the creation, which are fur-
niftied by the worthy philofophers Rich and
Garrick ; the latter of whom has refined on
his competitor > and having perceived that art

* In Shakefpears Romeo and Juliet v

was



[ 72 ]

was become fo perfect that it was necefTary to
mimic it by nature, he has happily introduced %
a cafcade of real water,

I know there are perfons of a fyftematic turn,
who affirm that the audience are not delighted
with this beautiful water-fall, from the reality
of the element, but merely becaufe they are
pleafed with the novelty of any thing that is
out of its proper place. Thus they tell you,
that the town is charmed with a genuine caf-
cade upon the ftage, and were in raptures laft

vear with one of Tin at Vauxhall. But this
j

is certainly prejudice: The world, Mr. Fitz-
Adam, though never fated with fhow, is fick
of fiction. I forefee the time approaching,
when delufion will not be fuffered in any part
of the drama : The inimitable Serpent in Or-
pheus and Eurydice, and the amorous Oftrich
in the Sorcerer, fliall be replaced by real mon-
fters from Afric. It is well known that the
pantomime of the Genii narrowly efcaped being
damned on my Lady Maxim's obferving very

£ In the Pantomime of the Genii.

judicioufly,



[ 73 ]

judicioufly, That the brick-kiln zvas horridly exi-
cutcd^ and did not f??ull at all like one*

When this entire caftigation of improprieties
is brought about* the age will do juftice to one
of the firft reformers of the ftage, Mr. Cibber,
who effayed to introduce a tafle for real nature
in his Caefar in Egypt, and treated the audience

with real not fwans indeed, for that would

have been too bold an attempt in the dawn of
truth, but very perfonable geefe. The inven-
tor, like other original genius's, was treated ill
by a barbarous age : Yet I can venture to affirm,
that a ftri&er adherence to reality w T ould have
faved even thofe times from being mocked by
abfurdities, always incidental to fiction. I my-
felf remember, how, much about that aera, the
great Senefmo, reprefenting Alexander at the
fiege of Oxydraae, fo far forgot himfelf in the
heat of conqueft, as to ftick his fword into one
of the pafteboard frones of the wall of the town,
and bore it in triumph before him as he entered
the breach ; a puerility fo renowned a General
could never have committed, if the ramparts
had been built, as in this enlightened age they
would be, of actual brick and ftone.

L Will



C 74 3

Will you forgive an elderly man, Mr, Fkz-
Adam, if he cannot help recollecting another
pafTage that happened in his youth, and to the
fame excellent performer ? He was ftepping into
Armida's enchanted bark ; but treading fhort,
as he was more attentive to the accompany-
ment of the orcheftra than to the breadth of the
more, he fell proftrate, and lay for fome time m
great pain, with the edge of a wave running in-
to his fide. In the prefent ftate of things, the
worft that could have happened to him, would
have been drowning ; a fate far more becoming
Rinaldo, efpecially in the fight of a Britifh
audience !

If you will allow me to w r ander a little from
the ftage, 1 fhall obferve that this purfuit of
nature is not confined to the theatre, but ope-
rates where one mould leaft expect to meet it,
in our fafhions. The fair part of the creation
are fhedding all covering of the head, difplay
their unveiled charming trefles, and if I may
fay fo, are daily moulting the reft of their cloaths.
What lovely fall of moulders, what ivory necks,

what



[ is 3

what fnowy breafts in all the pride of nature,
are continually diverted of art and ornament !

In gardening, the fame loye of nature pre-
vails. Clipt hedges, avenues, regular platforms,
ftrait canals have been for fome time very pro-
perly exploded, There is not a citizen who
does not take more pains to torture his acre
and half into irregularities, than he formerly
would have employed to make it as formal as
his cravat. Kent*, the friend of nature, was
the Calvin of this reformation, but like the
other champion of truth, after having routed
tinfel and trumpery, with the true zeal of a
founder of a fexSl he pufhed his difcipline to
the deformity of holinefs : Not content with
banifhing fymmetry and regularity, he imitated
nature even in her blemifhes, and planted f dead
trees and mole-hills, in oppofition to parterres
and quincunxes.

The laft branch of our fafhions into which
the clofe obfervation of nature has been Intro-

* Where Kent and Nature vie for Pelhanis Love.

Pope.
f In Keyifmgton Garden^ and Carlton Garden.

L 2 duced,



[ 76 ]

duccd, is our deficits. A fubjecl: I have not
room now to treat at large, but which yet de-
mands a few words, and not improperly in
this paper, as I fee them a little in the light
of a pantomime. Jellies, bifcuits, fugar-plumbs
and creams have long given way to harlequins,
gondoliers, Turks, Chinefe, and fliepherdefTes
of Saxon china. But thefe, unconnected, and
only feeming to wander among groves of curled
paper and filk flowers, were foon difcovered to
be too infipid and unmeaning. By degrees
whole meadows of cattle, of the fame brittle
materials, fpread themfelves over the whole
table ; cottages rofe in fugar, and temples in
barley-fugar ; pigmy Neptunes in cars of cockle-
shells triumphed over oceans of looking-glafs,
or * feas of filver tifTue ; and at length the whole
fyftem of Ovid's metamorphofis fucceeded to all
the transformations which J Chloe and other

* The French Embaffador, the Duke de Mire-
poix^ gave a Deffert in which was the ft or y of Per-
feus and Andromeda ; the fea was fiver ttffue cover-'
ed with barley-fugar,

% A famous French Cooky who lived with the
Duke of Neivcaftle.

great



[ 77 ]

great profciTors had introduced into the fcience
of hierogylyphic eating. Confectioners found
their trade moulder away, while toymen and
china fhops were the only fafhionable purveyors
of the laft ftage of polite entertainments. Wo-
men of the firft quality came home from Chc-
yenix's laden with dolls and babies, not for their

children, but their houfe-keeper. At laft

even thefe puerile puppet-fhows are finking into
difufe, and more manly ways of concluding
our repafts are eftablifhed. Gigantic figures fuc-
ceed to pigmies j and if the prefent tafte con-
tinues, Ryfbrack and other neglected ftatuaries,
who might have adorned Grecian falons, though
not Grecian defierts, may come into vogue. It
is known that a celebrated * confectioner (fo
the architects of our deflerts ftill humbly call
themfelves) complained, that after having pre-
pared a middle dim of gods and goddcfTes eighteen
feet high, his lord would not caufe the deling of
his parlour to be demolifhed to facilitate their
entree : " Imaginez vous^ faid he, que mi lord
" ria pas voulu faire oter le plafond."

I mail mention but two inftances of glorious

magnificence and tafte in deiTerts, in which

* Lord Albemarle's. foreigners



[ 7* ]

foreigners have furpafled any thing yet perform-
ed in this fumptuous ifland. The former was a
duke of Wirtemberg, who fo long ago as the
year thirty-four, gave a deffert in which was a
reprefentation of mount .^Etna, which vomited
out real fireworks over the heads of the com-
pany during the whole entertainment. The
other was the Intendant of Gafcony, who on
the late birth of the Duke of Burgundy, among
other magnificent feftivities, treated the noblefle
of the province with a dinner and a deffert, the
latter of which concluded with a reprefentation
by wax-figures moving by clock-work, of the
whole labour of the Dauphinefs and the happy
birth of an Heir to the monarchy.

/ am> Sir,

Tour bumble fcrvant y

JULIO.



The



[ 79 3



The W O R L D.

By Adam Fitz-Adam.

Numb. VIII. 'Thurfday, February 22, 1753.

Date obolum Belifario.

A Philosopher, as I am, who contem- 4

plates the world with fcrious reflection, ' *m*m
will be {truck with nothing in it more than its
viciflitudes. If he has lived any time, he muft
have had ample opportunities of exercifing his
meditation on the vanity of all fubl unary con-
ditions. The change of empires, the fall of
minifters, the exaltation of obfcure perfons,
are the continual incidents of human comedy.
I remember that one of the firft paflages in
hiftory which made an imprefiion upon me in
my youth, was the fate of Dionyfius, who
from being monarch of Sicily, Was reduced to

teach



£ 8o ]

teach fchool at Corinth. Though his tyranny
was the caufe of his ruin (if it can be called
ruin to be deprived of the power of oppreflion,
and to be taught to know one's felf ) I could
not help feeling that fort of fuperftitious pity
which attends royalty in diftrefs. Who ever
perilled the ftories of Edward the Second,
Richard the Second, or Charles the Firft, but
forgot their excefTes, and fighed for their cataf-
trophe? In this free-fpiritcd ifland there are
not more hands ready to punifh tyrants, than
eyes to weep their fall. It is a common cafe :
We are Romans in refifting opprefllon, very
women in lamenting oppreflbrs !

If (and I think it cannot be contefted) there
is generofity in thefe fenfations, ought we not
doubly to feel fuch emotions, in cafes where
regal virtue is become the fport of fortune ?
This ifland ought to be as much the harbour
of afflicted majefty, as it has been the fcourge
of offending majefty. And while every throne
of arbitrary power is an afylum for the martyrs
of fo bad a caufe, Britain ought to flicker fuch
princes as have been victims for liberty when-
ever



[ «i ]

ever fo great a curiofity is feen, as a prince con-
tending on the honeft fide.

How muft I blufh then for my countrymen,
when I mention a monarch ! an unhappy mo-
narch ! now actually fuffered to languifti for
debt in one of the common prifons of this city !
A monarch, whofe courage raifed him to a
throne, not by a fucceflion of ambitious bloody
a&s, but by the voluntary election of an in-
jured people, who had the common right of
mankind to freedom, and the uncommon re-
folution of determining to be free ! This prince
is Theodore King of Corfica ! A man, whofe
claim to royalty is as indifputable, as the moft
ancient titles to any monarchy can pretend to
be ; that is, the choice of his fubjects : The


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Online LibraryHorace WalpoleFugitive pieces in verse and prose → online text (page 3 of 9)