Copyright
Irving David Steinhardt.

Ten sex talks to girls (14 years and older) online

. (page 7 of 11)
Online LibraryIrving David SteinhardtTen sex talks to girls (14 years and older) → online text (page 7 of 11)
Font size
QR-code for this ebook


you propositions that are insulting. Would you like
to be mistaken for, and classed among, the " fallen "
women ?

How many of you would be willing to walk
through the street in broad daylight, or at night
either, for that matter, in a pair of glove-fitting
tights? Not many, I venture to say — ^and yet
that is what many of you do daily with the present-
8



Digitized



byGoogk



114 SEX TALKS TO GIBLS

day styles that you wear. Not a line of your figure
is concealed, and, in fact, the lines are rather thrown
out in bold relief. On a windy day the effect is exag-
gerated to a most marked degree. Of course, the
slashed skirt only tends to heighten this breach of
modesty, if it can be made any worse without actu-
ally removing the few clothes that are worn with
your so-called ** hobble " skirts. When you sit down
in this kind of garment, the display of your limbs is
positively shocking to any real lady or gentleman.

Again, we have the very disgusting fact that
some of our girls, instead of trying to help along the
unfortunate, fallen woman, and to raise her to a
higher level in life, are actually adopting some of
her styles of dress, always, heretofore, most strongly
condemned. Not a very pleasing state of affairs,
and one fraught with much danger for the future of
our race. I think I know where the original hobble
skirts came from. They look much like the skirts
that the women in the Island of Java wear. From
your studies in geography, you know the Javanese
are only a semi-civilized people.

If a man came up to you in the street and, with-
out speaking to you, merely reached down and raised
your skirts in order to see your lower limbs, you
would think him insane, or that he had grossly in-
sulted you. You would not be able to think of any-
thing bad enough in the way of pmiishment for



Digitized



byGoogk



SEX TALKS TO GIBLS 115

him, and yet that is what your present mode of dres-
sing would suggest that you wanted, except that you
expose yourselves to view without giving any man
that trouble. You may be in the style, but you are
neither practising modesty nor preaching it, and you
are exciting impure thoughts in the minds of your
men acquaintances, and also in some men that you
don't know. If you could hear some of the remarks
they make about you under these circumstances you
would not feel at all complimented, but, on the con-
trary, very much mortified. My advice to you is,
have a sufficient amount of backbone not to adopt
any style which makes an immodest freak of you.

Another article of dress which has somewhat
changed is the female bathing suit. I need not go
into details, for you are just as familiar with the
present style as I am, and somewhat more so. Suffice
it to say that formerly the bathing suit for women
was designed to be as neat, inconspicuous, and mod-
est as possible. Can this be said for the present
stylish ones?

And while speaking of bathing suits, I might
comment on bathing conduct. Strange as it may
seem to some of you, the rules of good breeding
and refined behavior are as much to be regarded at
this time as at any other. With the shedding of your
street clothes for the delightful and healthful recrea-
tion of bathing, you must not shed your refinement



Digitized



byGoogk



116 SEX TALKS TO GIBLS

or morals. Familiarity is just as much, perhaps even
more to be resented at this time than at any other.
Personally, I have been amazed by the carelessness,
to express it mildly, in speech and action of many
young women while bathing, their conduct at any
other time or place being entirely different.

Your person should be just as sacred to your
male companion on the beach as at your home.
Under cover of the water especially, some very im-
proper familiarity in handling may be observed. Do
not be one of that number who are unpleasantly
criticized on account of their conduct on the beach.
No, I am not a prude, nor opposed to healthy pleas-
ures. As you can see, I am a very red-blooded in-
dividual, not yet quite old enough to be a grand-
father, but rather of an age to enjoy fun; but I want
it to be clean fun, with no taint of impurity in it.

While on the subject I might add a few remarks
on general conduct at these outing resorts. Be a
lady-like, well-bred woman, no matter where you
are. Coarseness, familiarity of speech or action,
lack of good manners, of breeding, or of refinement
are always glaring faults, no matter what the cir-
cumstances or where the place. To allow them or
to be guilty of them is at the peril of your good name.

Paint and powder ; it certainly seems queer that
such things need be discussed by supposedly civilized
human beings. Why a woman wants to decorate



Digitized



byGoogk



SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 117

— smear would be a better word — her face like
a savage I never could understand. It certainly
cannot add to her self-respect to go masquerading
about like an Indian in his war paint. In fact, we
laugh at them, and say they look ridiculous. I think,
therefore, that it would be a good thing for those of
you who use these so-called beautifiers if, after
smearing yourselves with them, you would sit down
in front of your mirrors, and see how ridiculous
you look, and then think the matter over a little.
Cosmetics do not give you a good complexion, but
they will ruin the best.

Almost all of you can secure a good complexion
naturally, if you really want it and are willing to
obey the laws of good health, even though they inter-
fere somewhat with your pleasiu"e and ease. But
paint and powder have only an artificial effect, and
were formerly used only by wicked women. They
had to use something to hide the ravages made by
the dissipation which is part of their lives.

Paint and powder are ruinous to the skin and
will in time, owing to the ingredients they contain,
make your faces look like poorly kept country roads,
full of holes and rough spots.

Dancing is to be condemned only when the dances
are improper or it is carried to excess. Otherwise
it is a harmless and healthful pastime and exercise,
but all amusements should be within reaso;i. Of



Digitized



byGoogk



118 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

course we cannot fndorse the public dance hall with
its lack o£ supervision of those who meet there.
In many of them there is a bar where intoxicating
liquors are sold, and the patrons of the dance are
naturally encouraged to drink. Such dance halls are
certainly not the proper place for any decent girl.

Dances where the poses or steps are suggestive
should be condemned in unmeasured terms. Several
such dances are now in vogue, and the fact that some
of the so-called best society people permit them to
be danced in their homes does not make them any
the less objectionable. You all know as well as I do
that some of our families designated as the best are
such only from the view-point of financial worth,
not from the standard of true worth based on
achievement in things worth while — in refinement,
education, morality, etc.

Drinking must be mentioned only to be abso-
lutely condemned in the strongest terms possible
and without reserve. Indulgence in it has cost girls
their womanly honor, and has kept them degraded.
The liquor appetite is a terrible disease and difficult
to cure. I advise you-as strongly as I can not to drink
at all. You will be better in every way if you totally
abstain from liquor. Your judgment will be your
own, and you will make decisions according to your
own reasoning, and not allow the alcohol within you
to bias your good sense. Alcohol in any form arouses



Digitized



byGoogk



SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 119

sexual desire, and, at the same time, blunts your
normal perceptions of what is right. It is better to
abstain from it in any manner, shape or form; but
if, despite all its dangers so far as your morals are
concerned, and the possibility of your becoming
addicted to it with all the sufferings and disgrace
that chronic alcoholism entails, you feel that you
must drirtk and ruin your health, do so only at home,
when you know that some member of your imme-
diate family will remain in your company. Never,
under any circumstances, indulge in it away from
home. You will probably live to regret it if you do.
Men, as a rule, do not like drinking in their wives.

There are several other things I wish to speak
of, so I must content myself with the foregoing,
although much more could be said on these subjects.
I have merely "scratched the surface" so as to
start some trains of thought in your minds from
which good should come.

The advice I offer you next can be summed up
in a few words. It is, " Do not flirt." Fallen women
use such tactics in order to attract men. I have
several times told you why, so there is no necessity
for repetition. If you indulge in flirting, you need
not feel offended if you are afterwards insulted by
the man with whom you became acquainted in this
way.

Do not keep late hours. Sleep is necessary to



Digitized



byGoogk



120 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

health. You cannot expect to be alert and active
if you do not get a sufficient amount of sleep. There
is still truth in the old saying: " Early to bed and
early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and
wise.*'

Some girls, strange to say, are simple or vain
enough to believe that when strangers drive up in an
automobile or carriage and ask them to ride, it is
because the occupants of the vehicle are either philan-
thropists in disguise or because their own beauty
is irresistible. If the invitation is accepted, by the
time the automobile or carriage ride is over these
girls are both sadder and wiser in the ways of the
world, and the ranks of those sacrificed to the fetish
of immorality are increased. Strangers who take
you riding expect pay for it — ^high pay, as you see.

If you do not like a man friend well enough to
invite him to your house, or if he does not care to
visit your house, I advise you to terminate your
acquaintance at once. If you are ashamed of your
home I am sorry for you, but my advice is still the
same. If the young man is interested in you, your
home and family ought to be good enough for him.
In some cities, where the receiving of company too
often can only be at the cost of g^eat inconvenience
to the rest of the family, this difficulty is obviated by
neighborhood clubs where young people may mingle
together, in couples or in crowds, and spend a pleas-



Digitized



byGoogk



SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 121

ant evening under proper, yet unobtrusive supervis-
ion. At a reasonable hour they are expected to go
home, and that is where they should go. Under all
circumstances, though, your parents should know
your men friends, therefore visits should sometimes
be made at the house, even if a crowded home.

The street is no place in which to arrange for
meeting and spending an evening together. Neither
is the back room of some saloon, nor some cheap
dance hall. There is something wrong about the man
who invites you to do these things. I cannot say,
either, that I approve of evening strolls through
lonely parts of poorly lighted parks. You are better
off and safer where there are lights and other people,
and you avoid the tongues of gossips.

Do not accept invitations indiscriminately to go
here and there. Even those from your own sex will
bear scrutiny. Know all about a man from whom
you do accept any kind of invitation, and be sure
you are safe in his company ; for his regrets, sincere
or otherwise, will not restore to you afterwards
what you have lost.

Should you go to a place of amusement alone
or with another girl friend, avoid making acquaint-
ances while there. You will find many persons of
both sexes willing to enter into conversation with
you, and to become quite " chummy " on short
acquaintance. If you are wise, these attempts will



Digitized



byGoogk



122 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

be repulsed in such a way that there can be no mis-
take as to how you are receiving them. Should
they still continue, you can appeal to those in charge
for relief, a proceeding rarely necessary if you have
behaved properly from the beginning. Many places
of amusement are favorite resorts for both immoral
men and women on the lookout for innocent, decent
girls whom they seek to lure into lives of shame.
You will recall that I told you there are some of your
own sex just as dangerous to your morals as men.

REVIEW

I. In what beneficial ways does the mingling of the sexes

affect the boy ?
II. In what ways the girl?

III. In what other ways can you assist a young man to lead

a pure life?

IV. What can be said of indiscriminate kissing, and how

might it lead to immorality?
V. Why should boys and girls mingle in crowds?
VI. What is the surest way to avoid insult?
VII. Mention some immodest forms of dress.
VIII. Mention some immodest actions.
IX. Explain the evils of drinking in this connection.
X. Why should your friends be known in your homes, and
what is the danger of indiscriminate chats and ac-
quaintances ?



Digitized



by Google



VII

Up to this point in our talks on sex, we have
travelled over a wide field. We have studied briefly
anatomy, physiology, some normal functions, some
loathsome yet serious diseases, immorality, and sev-
eral other things. I hope I have made plain to you
some of the matters that were heretofore mysteries.

By this time you must have learned a great deal
about yourselves and how to avoid certain dangers
to your health. You are also aware of what venereal
diseases are, why immorality is a poor investment
for both sexes, and how you can avoid contracting
any of the unpleasant results of this poor paying
investment.

In this talk we are going to travel still further,
and discuss one of the most important events in any
girl's life. We are to talk in a general way of mar-
riage. Here also you will perhaps find me somewhat
of a dreamer, because I am going to plead for only
ideal marriages based on love. It seems to me that
only with this for a basis can sexual relations, even
in the married state, be other than immoral. It is
not alone the marriage law of man that makes a
marriage binding upon those who enter into this
sacred estate, but the higher law of God according

123



Digitized



byGoogk



124 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

to which marriage should be and truly is founded
upon love — ^mutual love of the highest type.

Why should the topic of marriage enter into a
talk on sex? The answer is simple. Happy mar-
riage is a most potent force for morality and the
well-being of our race, both as concerns health and
happiness; and, within certain limits, the earlier
that happy marriage takes place the more potent its
force for morality, therefore, also, for the health
and happiness both of yourselves and of your
children.

I believe in early marriage for several reasons.
The sexual function is in full development at a cer-
tain age, and that seems to indicate that nature ad-
vises mating at that time. Healthy sexual desire also
makes itself felt at about this time, which also appears
to be nature advising matrimony. It seems advisable,
too, that parents should have children at such an age
that, barring the ordinary uncertainties of life, they
will still be living as their children grow up, to
guide and to advise them in the problems of life,
and be neither too old nor infirm to be interested
in the affairs of their children when they need them
most. I think the children bom of marriages late
in life suffer many disadvantages, not the least of
which is the advanced age of the parents as the
children approach their majority, if indeed the
parents are then living at all.



Digitized



byGoogk



SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 125

Another reason for early marriage is the atti-
tude of the contracting parties themselves. They
are more susceptible to moulding — ^a necessary
process in married life if you want to be more happy
than the average couple. Two people with firm, set,
and unyielding ideas may be a very imhappy married
couple, even though they love each other dearly.
The older you get the more set you become in your
ways.

Moreover, in the full bloom of your development
childbirth is easier for you and better for your
offspring. You will retain your youth more easily if
childbirth comes earlier in life than if in later years,
for in youth your recuperative powers are naturally
better and stronger.

But there are dangers in early marriage, and
very real ones, which must not be overlooked.
One of these is not being sure of loving the man you
think of marrjring, for marriage should be a lifelong
contract, and not a short term leasehold to be easily
broken at any convenient time. The question as to
when divorce is permissible, if one believes that it
ever is, is hardly a part of our talks, therefore any
discussion of the subject would be out of place.
There is a vast difference between love and infatua-
tion, and the marriages based on the latter, which
might be called a coimterfeit of real love, are not
likely to be lasting, or even happy in their brief



Digitized



byGoogk



126 SEX TALKS TO GIRJLS

duration. The trouble with most people is that they
give more thought to the selection of a new outfit,
let us say, than to the selection of a life partner and
another parent for their children.

It is a misfortune that most people approach the
subject of marriage as a thing requiring no thought,
whereas it is something of great import, and should
be long and seriously considered before entered
upon. " Marry in haste and repent at leisure '* is
an apt epigram. Rather be happy and single than an
unhappy wife. The latter is the most miserable of
women, and is liable to add to her misery and un-
happiness in a reckless, " I don't care for the conse-
quences" search for something resembling hap-
piness.

The worst of it is that she seldom goes far in
her search for some one who will share her troubles
and misery under the guise of friendly sympathy.
There are men vile enough to be constantly on the
watch for just such women, and even more keenly
for girls in desperate or discotxraged mood, and,
under this same guise, seek their moral and physical
ruin. One cannot be too careful as to whom she
trusts, not only with her confidences, but also in the
sort of sympathy she accepts. My warnings to you
are based on facts, and not upon a too vivid imagina-
tion, as you might in your innocence suspect. I have
listened to many sad stories which concluded with.



Digitized



byGoogk



SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 127

" If I had only known in the beginning what sort of
a man (or woman) he (or she) was! "

I will endeavor to tell you what I think a girl
ought to look for in a man with whom she contem-
plates matrimony. I do not believe that love should
be blind ; on the contrary, I think it should be wide-
awake in both parties; the more wide-awake it is
before marriage, the more likely is the marriage to
be happy.

The man you marry you must live with, and
must be his companion for the rest of your life.
Therefore, if you are entering into marriage with
the right idea of how long it should last, it is worth
while to study him as he really is, and not as he
appears to be on the surface. It is a fact to be
regretted that young people associating together see
each other only in their " company " manners, as it
were, with the result that it is often a great shock
when these " company '* manners are laid aside for
others not nearly so pleasing.

You should know the man with whom you con-
template matrimony in other aspects than that of
courting. Even the least desirable of men can be
pleasant and attractive at such times, but the other
times are the ones of greatest importance to you.
There are two old toasts that I will here mention. The
first is, " Here's to our wives and our sweethearts,
and may they never meet ! " The girl who rushes



Digitized



byGoogk



128 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

into matrimony blindly is liable to have a husbaad
who is proposing this toast in some barroom in a
mixed and dissolute company. The second toast is
as follows : " Here's to our wives and our sweet-
hearts. May our sweethearts soon become our
wives, and our wives always be our sweethearts ! "
The careful girl who gives deep thought to her pro-
posed marriage is more likely to choose a husband
who will daily toast her thus, both at and away
from home.

The first essential for marriage is mutual love
of the purest and most constant type. Do not marry
a man merely because he loves you if you cannot
truthfully say you love him. Do not marry a man
because you love him, if you know he does not love
you as much. In either case the risk of such a mar-
riage, as a happy, or even a lasting one, is very
great.

Select your husband for his manliness, for that
is the measure of his true worth. Observe how he
treats his mother, his sisters, and other women with
whom he comes into contact in his daily life ; not only
those toward whom business policy demands consid-
eration, but those to whom courtesy and considera-
tion would be extended only by the dictates of a
gentlemanly instinct. As his habit is, so will he treat
you in the long run as the newness and the " honey-
moon " state of your married life wear off.



Digitized



byGoogk



SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 129

Do not select a heavy and excessive drinker with
the idea that you are going to reform him. If you
marry him, your chances of success are very slight.
If you feel brave enough to take a chance on his
future, reform him first and marry him afterwards,
but do not be in a hurry with the marriage ceremony ;
be sure he is " reformed." H^ may stay " re-
formed " if you are a particularly good wife, and
give him to understand that you will excuse no
lapses from grace.

Do not marry a man of excessively loose morals,
and think that because he is married to you he will
give up his past mode of life. He may, but it is very
doubtful, and the chances are that he will not He
is also likely to ruin your health, therefore your
happiness, by giving to you some of the diseases he
contracted during those days when he was busy de-
grading your sex under the delusion that he was
very manly and merely "sowing his wild oats.'*
Marry a pure man who respects your sex. If you
are so unfortunate as to marry one who has dese-
crated the sacred sexual relation before marriage, at
least see to it that he shows his respect for you by
having abstained ever since he entertained thoughts
of marrying you. Your chances of having a decent
husband will be better, the less depraved the man
was before marriage.

Do not think you are in love with a man because
9



Digitized



byGoogk



130 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

he gives you " a good time." Free spenders do not
necessarily make liberal husbands. You see it is
hard to keep up an outside reputation as a liberal
spender, and at the same time support a home in
comfort, especially on a small salary in these times
of excessively high cost of living. Spenders before
marriage, too, sometimes find it hard to give up the
habit and to settle down into husbands with house-
hold responsibilities.

Do not think that every man who dresses in a
manner that pleases you is financially in the automo-
bile class. Some of them owe their tailors, and, if
you are no judge of material, even cheap, ready-made
clothes may impress you. A single man on a very
small salary, with no financial responsibilities else-
where, may make a very good appearance.

What do I mean? Just this. It is surprising to
find how many women marry without even knowing
the nature of their husband's employment, nor his
earnings. There is quite a difference between marry-
ing for money, and marrying a husband whom you
may have to support out of any money you may have
or may be obliged to earn. A quiet, honest, plain-
spoken, even-tempered, kind, thoughtful, and home-
loving man ought to make a good husband.

Now, how are you to make a good wife ?

First, maintain a constant and true love of the
most high and earnest type for your husband. You



Digitized



byGoogk






SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 131

must make your home a cheerful, restful place, to
which he will turn after his daily work with happiest
anticipation and pleasure. Bear in mind that your
daily housework is no more monotonous, nor is it
harder, than his daily grind at business, and he has
a right to expect a neat, smiling wife on his return
to his home. So many of you are business women
that you can appreciate the truth of my statement


1 2 3 4 5 7 9 10 11

Online LibraryIrving David SteinhardtTen sex talks to girls (14 years and older) → online text (page 7 of 11)