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Ten sex talks to girls (14 years and older) online

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that business duties bring cares and troubles as well
as home duties. The difference is that you, as
commander-in-chief, can regulate the home cares
and duties to a certain extent, whereas those in
business must bear the brunt not only of routine
cares and troubles, but also, ofttimes, the special
" grouches " of their superiors.

Study your husband's likes and dislikes; strive
to cater somewhat to the former, and carefully avoid
the latter. Be unselfish and affectionate, but do not
overdo the latter. Love and kisses, embraces and
caresses are a rich diet for any man, and must be
combined with good housekeeping as to food (so
as not to give your husband indigestion), neatness
of house and self, and the keeping of clothing in
good repair to be a success. Give to your husband
the very best that is in you, and be patient with his
shortcomings even as you expect him to overlook
yours. Build the foundation of your married life
on the firm and enduring rock of love, not on the



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1S2 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

shifting sands of infatuation or any other reason
for marriage.

Will it surprise you to know that your husband
will probably appreciate a knowledge on your part
of cooking rather than of bookkeeping; of dress-
making rather than that you be an expert stenogra-
pher; of millinery rather than have you know the
duties of a bill clerk ; likewise, of other things that
go to make you a good wife rather than a woman
of business? To my mind, it is wrong that you
should be taught everything that pertains to busi-
ness life and no effort be made to teach you what
pertains to home life; and yet it is in the home that
the majority of you are going to make of your lives
a success or a failure. The prevalent indifference to
this fact is a puzzling thing to those of us who seek
for the good of the present, and plan for the future
of our nation.

In a happy marriage, sexual relations are a pleas-
ure and a happiness which gradually come as a
climax to the expression of the highest love. In
marriage without love, the sexual relations are little
more than immoral, because the marriage contract
simply legalizes the animal desires aroused by sexual
passion. Do not be this sort of a wife. Do not sell
your womanhood for mere worldly gain. Do not be
the sort of wife who differs only from the mistress
because of a few insincere marriage vows. Your



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SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 13S

sense of what is due to you, your self-respect, and
your sense of decency should make such a marriage
revolting to you. Be a true woman in all that the
term implies, and thus be more than worthy of the
best man living.

Between husband and wife there should be per-
fect accord and frankness. For one to have secrets
from the other is sure to bring about misunderstand-
ings and distrust, and worse things in the future.
Any apparent necessity for secrecy can be avoided
by living an open and irreproachable life. Married
women are strongly urged not to have intimate
friends among the opposite sex, and particularly to
be avoided is the husband's best friend, as he is
usually the first one of whom the husband becomes
jealous. Jealous husbands are not unlike jealous
women — ^very unreasonable, and sometimes a men-
ace to one's personal safety.

A wife must not go about looking for causes for
jealousy. If she does, she is liable to find them, but
the great majority will be the result of an over-
worked imagination. Even a married man may talk
occasionally to a woman other than his wife, or the
female members of her family, without being guilty
of neglecting his wife. A wife should not listen to
every gossip who comes along with tales calculated
to make trouble, least of all should she hasten to
accuse her husband of various actions detrimental



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134 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

to their happiness, unless careful investigation has
shown her the truth of what she complains of.

Indulgence to excess in the marriage relation is
detrimental to the health of both husband and wife,
weakening to mind and body, and dangerous to re-
sulting offspring from both a physical and a mental
standpoint. If you will recall what I told you in
some of my previous lectures, you can readily un-
derstand why this is so.

Do not attempt to avoid the responsibilities of
motherhood unless there are physical reasons for
so doing. What these reasons are we need not here
relate; they are for discussion in the physician's
office only. Be a mother if you possibly can ; if you
cannot, you are to be pitied for many reasons.

Many childless marriages might have been fruit-
ful if the wife, when a girl, had not through false
modesty failed to be treated for certain complaints
from which she suffered at that time. Many of the
leucorrhoeal troubles come under this heading, owing
to the chronic inflammation they set up in the various
parts of the female procreative tract. Of course,
all childless marriages are not the fault of the wife ;
many of them are, however, and from positively
preventable causes. Should it be the misfortune of
any of you to marry and be childless, I would advise
that before you place yourself under treatment,
your husband ascertain from the doctor whether,



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SEX TALKS TO GIBJLS 135

perhaps, he is not the one to blame. Sexual disor-
ders before marriage may have affected in him the
viability of the male contribution to creation. If
this is so, there is no reason why you should receive
unnecessary medical treatment. It is a simple matter
to determine this fact in a man, and it should be
done before subjecting you to inconvenience.

An ideal mother is woman at her best. When
she has achieved this crowning glory, she has reached
the highest goal that a woman can strive for.
Almost any woman can give birth to a child, but it
takes a bright woman to be a real mother. Merely
giving birth to a child does not make a female a true
mother any more than the marriage ceremony makes
a woman more than a wife in name. The gray
matter must be called into action to make either a
real wife or an ideal mother. It takes much more
common-sense to succeed here than it does to make
a business success or to shine in the social world.
College courses in wifehood and motherhood are
not an idea to be laughed at, but, if properly estab-
lished, would be of great value and would add to
your welfare and happiness.

It is really more important to understand thor-
oughly the natural duties that nature intended you
to fulfil than all the so-called higher educational
branches that a college faculty can put in a curricu-
lum. I think many divorces would never take place



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136 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

if such courses in wifehood and motherhood were
established and became justly popular. Courses in
the making of a good husband and father should also
be established. It is really pitiful to see how poorly
equipped both sexes are for married life when they
enter into this important contract, and this is why
so many couples make a failure of their enterprise
and come to grief. Parents would not think of send-
ing you into the business or social world so poorly
equipped with the knowledge necessary for success,
and yet this much more important matter is left
almost entirely to chance. Is it any wonder that
some of us look with anxiety into the future?

Such college courses as proposed above would
have to include sexual matters, as here a proper
understanding is most necessary to marital success.
Yes, I know that in times gone by girls did not re-
ceive such training, but I am also aware that they
were kept at their mothers' sides. They were not
sent out to work at such tender ages as to be still
almost babies in years, yet asked to be women in
responsibility and knowledge. They did not leave
home early in the morning and struggle with the
industrial juggernaut, returning late at eventide. In
times gone by they were at home. Neither do those
of you who do not have to work see much more of
your homes ; your " social duties '' are too many.
In neither case do you receive any home training.



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SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 137

Wives and husbands both have certain sexual
rights which should be perfectly understood. Dif-
ferences in sexual appetite must be adjusted to make
a perfect union. A non-passionate wife married to
a very passionate husband, or the reverse, is liable to
cause dissension, unless care and diplomacy are ex-
ercised by both. I advise moderation for the sake
of their own health and happiness and for the benefit
of any offspring. While I do not believe that any
husband or wife need apologize for having strong
sexual instincts, still this is often unnatural and
due to certain conditions that need medical treat-
ment, just as in the case of the single woman whom
we discussed in an earlier talk, who suffered from
supposed sexual desire which was due to abnormal
conditions.

So, also, if the sexual relation is apparently re-
pugnant or painful to the woman, the physician
should be consulted to correct what is wrong. It
is important that the sexual part of married life be
mutually agreeable and pleasurable; on it depends
the perpetuation of our race and to a great degree
the quality of the offspring.

There are other things which could be said re-
garding the sexual relations between man and wife ;
but, as some of you are not yet engaged or ready to
enter the married state I have, after some thought,
decided to omit them here.- In my private practice



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138 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

I make it a rule always to have a little confidential
talk before the wedding with all of my patients who
have become engaged, whether it be a man or woman
patient. I think these talks are valuable to them,
and help to promote their happiness. I would ad-
vise each of you, when you become engaged to be
married and when the time approaches for "the
wedding bells " to ring, to go to your family phy-
sician, and ask him to advise you in regard to the
new life you are about to enter upon. I am sure
he will help you to avoid some of the " rough
places " that other women encoimter in their early
married life.

You may already know, but, if not, I will tell
you, that the honeymoon is not always the fine time
it is meant to be. I regret to say that, in many in-
stances, it is not an agreeable trip for either newly-
made husband or wife. This is easily explained.
Both have heretofore lived in the unreality of
" castles in the air," and, having come down to life
as it is, they find it different from their dreams.
To those who have been forewarned and are fore-
annfe^6ip adjustment of things is more easy.

Of course, it is rather difficult for a man to get
acquainted with another girl, as he must often do,
when, as the retiring hour approaches, he watches
her face lose its bloom as she washes it, her hair



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become quite reduced in quantity and quality as she
removes most of it and places it on the dresser for
the night; watches her eyebrows become less marked
and more scant as the water again does its cleansing
work; with amazement he sees rosy lips fade to a
much lighter hue, and about this time — but why
goon?

As I say, it is hard for him but, being a man,
he pulls himself together and thinks her as lovely
and lovable as ever. She should be just as lenient
in regard to some of the surprises he may have in
store for her. Personally, I think the hardest thing
that most couples have to bear is to get used to each
other's personal habits. One who is very dainty in
her habits, whose idea of cleanliness includes a daily
bath, clean teeth, and sweet-smelling mouth, is nat-
urally not at all pleased if the new life partner is
rather careless in these matters. This gives you
some idea of what I mean by personal habits, so I
need not enter into any lengthy discussion of these.

Before closing I want to say a few words about
the running of the house. The wife should be given
a definite allowance each week, month, or whenever
it can best be arranged. It should be absolutely
understood just what household expenses she is to
defray out of this allowance. This will prevent
much friction. She will know that extra expense
must be met by an extra allowance, and can plan



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accordingly, just as she will know that anything left
over from this allowance is hers and need not be
accounted for.

The husband also should have a stated allowance,
and the difference between the sum of the two al-
lowances and the income should be a savings' fund
only to be drawn upon by mutual consent. This may
seem to you a matter of small consequence, but all
married couples will tell you that it is of prime im-
portance. In making these arrangements, do not
forget that families usually increase in size, there-
fore the household allowance will have to be added
to from time to time.

Bear in mind, too, that it is an advantage to have
something saved up for possible " rainy days," no
matter how well off you may be at present. It is
also your duty to yourselves and to your children
to see to it that the father of your offspring devotes
a certain part of his income to a life insurance.
These last few points may be somewhat foreign to
sex talks, but they are practical, I think, and will
do you no harm.

REVIEW

I. What is the chief essential to happy marriage?
II. Why should the topic of marriage enter into a talk on
sex?

III. What are the advantages of early marriage?

IV. What are its dangers?



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SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 141

V. What are some of the qualities a g^rl should look for in
the man? What should she avoid? Explain fully.
VI. How can you become a good wife?

VII. What should you avoid ?

VIII. Discuss the sexual relation in married life.

IX. How might disease in the girl affect the motherhood
of the woman, and what can be done to prevent
this?
X. Mention a good way in which to adjust the financial
running of the home.



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VIII

The subject-matter of this talk should be of in-
terest to every real woman — ^wifehood and mother-
hood. I feel as if I could not do justice to the sub-
ject, and no matter how much I try nor how much I
say, I shall have barely begfun to cover it. So, in
advance of what is to follow, I offer you my humble
apologies for the shortcomings of my work. If I
omit anything that you wish to know, remind me of
it in the usual discussion that follows each of our
little talks. ( See preface. )

In the last paper I gave you a few hints as to
what helps to make a good wife, which hints, I sin-
cerely hope, will be of use to you and your girl
friends in the future. In this paper I shall assume
that I am speaking to a good wife who is yearning
to strengthen the bond that binds her husband to her
and her to her husband — ^the bond of parentage.

How will she know that this great event is going
to take place in her life ? How know that this triumph
of great, rich, and mutually pure love is going to be
realized? There are several things which precede
this event and announce its coming. It is important
that our good wife should know what these are, so
that, in their event, she will place herself at once
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SEX TALKS TO GIBJLS 143

under the care of a good physician in whom she has
perfect confidence, and whose personality and pro-
fessional methods are both pleasing and satisfactory
to her.

Childbirth is an event in a woman's life in which
little details should receive attention, as they coimt
for much with her at this time. I want to emphasize
the importance of having the expectant mother place
herself under the care of a physician as early as pos-
sible, because he can smooth for her many of the
rough places on the road to motherhood. There are
many small matters which, if attended to early by
the expectant mother, will later make both mother
and child healthier and happier, for health makes
for happiness, and, without the former, there cannot
be much of the latter.

Before speaking of the earlier and later signs of
approaching motherhood, I want to give a few
words of advice to the good wife who is so fortu-
nate as to be approaching that blessed state. It may
save her from some very unpleasant thoughts and
suspicions, and from some very unhappy and regret-
table moments with her husband.

For some obscure reason, the expectant mother
often undergoes a complete change of mind in her
likes and dislikes. What pleased her before is very
likely now to have become distasteful to her. A
happy, sunny-tempered girl may be changed into a



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144 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

worrisome, moody one; a moody one may become a
sunny one; the quiet, reserved girl may even attract
attention by the lightness of her demeanor, and so on.
In most cases these changes are but temporary.
Where the changes are for the better, it is to be re-
gretted that they are not permanent ; but it is also a
good thing that, where for the worse, they are only
temporary.

It is while these changes are in progress that
husbands suffer undeservedly. No matter what they
do, it is wrong. If they remain at home, they should
have gone out; whereas if they had gone out, they
should have remained at home. The wife often
imagines herself to be slighted when such a thing
was never intended. Neglect is even charged where
none exists. The husband is accused of want of
attention and affection when, on the contrary, con-
ditions are just the same as they were, or are per-
haps better, for even the most undemonstrative of
men is usually somewhat moved over the idea of the
arrival of an heir, and the accompanying condition
of his wife.

I think that, perhaps, forewarning the young
wife of these things will help matters, for if she re-
calls them at this time she will try to avoid such un-
pleasantness and save her husband and herself much
unhappiness. Unfortunately, most husbands do
not know that these changes are to be expected,



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and, not understanding the reason for the great
change in their wives, they lose patience and
say and do things in the heat of the moment
that they would not if they understood. I make
a particular point of this matter in my book,
" Ten Sex Talks to Boys," so as to enable them the
better to appreciate this condition, where in igno-
rance this " preceding stage " is of ttimes most trying
to both, and the links in their chain of happiness are
often strained almost to the breaking point.

As you can well imagine such a state of affairs
is most detrimental to the unborn, developing child,
both mentally and physically. For certainly at this
time in married life the love and devotion of the
wife and husband should be at the highest point,
for the benefit of both mother and child. The hap-
pier and calmer the maternal mind, so much the
better for the child. Certain characteristics and
hereditary traits were given to the growing child by
the ovirni and the male contribution to creation in the
very beginning, and other traits of character and
impressions are no doubt received during the grow-
ing stage within the mother's womb. This will show
you how important is everything in the environment
of the mother-to-be.

The appetite of the future mother also becomes
affected. The kind of food she formerly relished now
disgusts her, and she craves things that until recently
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146 SEX TALKS TO GIRLS

she had no desire for. Often she feels a longing for
things not ordinarily considered suitable for human
food. She eats these things, however, and appar-
ently thrives on them ; at least she shows no ill effects
from her strange diet. This, again, is only a passing
fancy which rights itself in a short time.

Sometimes, but not often, the mother-to-be be-
comes careless about her personal appearance. This
should not be so, for, even during the last few weeks
before childbirth, cleanliness and neatness are per-
fectly possible. It is a mistake for any wife,
either at the time of childbirth or any other time, to
fall into slovenly habits. You cannot always look
as if you had stepped out of a fashion plate, and no
husband wants you to look so at any time ; but you
can always be neat and tidy and your husband will
appreciate it. Remember that in your courting days
you accustomed him to see a clean, tidy, well-
groomed girl, and this is the girl he married. Can
you blame him, therefore, if he objects to a slovenly,
imcombed, dowdy looking wife? Some wives get
into the habit of appearing at the breakfast table just
about as they got up from bed with the exception of
the kimono which they slip on over their night-robes.
Don't join this class. You owe it to your husband to
be just as neat and attractive at the breakfast table
in his company as at the evening meal when dressed
for possible guests at, or after, dinner.



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Your habits of neatness have a good effect oti
him, and set him a good example to remain the neat,
well-groomed man you married. It is wise to keep
up all the refinements of life after marriage, and to
improve still more if you can. Advance, even after
marriage — do not stand still. But, whatever you do,
do not go backward ! Make every effort to guard
against this. Do all you can do to improve your
husband and yourself. I do not mean in a business
or material way, but in education and cultivation.
You have a brain, so you should use it. Ideal
motherhood includes the use of the intellect, and to
be the ideal mother requires more ability than is
necessary for a college education, or "women's
rights " movements, or even the suffragette pro-
paganda.

Many women whom I have known as girls, and
who have discussed their plans for the future with
me, filled me with hope as to the kind of mothers
they would make. How disappointed I have been
when, on arriving at this happy time in their lives,
I saw that they had deteriorated after marriage, and
all their lofty aims had come to naught. From be-
ing well-groomed, capable girls, they had become
slovenly, untidy, and without ambition, unless a de-
sire to be up to date in all the neighborhood gossip
could be so considered. It is easy from this to im-
agine how they neglected the children, and how the



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husbands soon realized the necessity for club life in
the evening.

I am digressing widely from my subject, so I
must stop right here, and return to our little wife,
for I have been neglecting her. How is she to know
when she should become interested in patterns for
baby clothes? How is she to know when to begin
to make those dainty negligee robes in which to
receive her friends soon after the arrival of her
baby?

There are some signs that make it easy to know.
One of the first and most reliable is the stoppage of
menstruation or the monthly period. This is almost
invariable, and, although there may be other causes
for the cessation, this particular cause is by far the
most common.

And sleep! How overpowering is the wish for
it! The little wife can hardly finish her dinner in
the evening before her eyes close. She does not seem
to get enough sleep, try as she will, and is not very
good company for her husband in the evenings on
that account. She almost falls asleep while eating
her dinner ; in fact, it is hard to decide whether she
wants most to eat or to sleep, for hunger is a marked
symptom also. As with sleep, can she ever get
enough food? At meals, between meals, she is,
always eating, and is still hungry.

A change in the eyes is noted. Dark rings ap-



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SEX TALKS TO GIRLS 149

pear beneath them, more noticeable in some women
than in others. There are also changes in the breasts.
They become harder and firmer, and develop in size
quite rapidly. Sometimes they feel tense and pain-
ful, and there is a sense of fulness which is more
noticeable as pregnancy advances. Often, quite
early in the pregnancy, a little fluid can be squeezed
out of the nipples. The brownish area surroimd-
ing the nipples enlarges in size and grows darker in
color. Within this area several little lumps like peas
become quite prominent.

The expectant mother will also notice a slight
sense of weight in the pelvic cavity or lower part
of the body, and will also be conscious that she has


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