John Almon.

The fugitive miscellany. Being a collection of such fugitive pieces, in prose and verse, as are not in any other collection (Volume 2) online

. (page 1 of 9)
Online LibraryJohn AlmonThe fugitive miscellany. Being a collection of such fugitive pieces, in prose and verse, as are not in any other collection (Volume 2) → online text (page 1 of 9)
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In PROSE and VERSE, as are not in any other

With many PIECES never before published.


Printed for J. ALMON, oppofite Burlington-houfe, in



OAK Gazette extraordinary page i
Dialogue on Fete champetre - 8

art elegy ^ written in America

On auttions . 24

Death and Doclor - 27

Another - - 28

/? a lady on her pajjionfor old china ibid*

On feeing Mr. Taylor's pictures 3*

Epitaph on Mr. Beighton ^- ibid.

On General Wolfe . - - 32

Epiftlefrom Mr. Lacy to Mr. Boudry . 33

To two Red-breads . 34

On the alterations in St. James's Park ibid
Reflections on the folly of fajhionable cu/loms in public.

and private companies - 35

)n freedom - 42

friendjhip ibid*

infcription on Mrs. Pr it chard's monument 43

Jnfcription at jfmpthill - ~ 44

Epitaph on Louis. XIII. : ibid*

Epitaph on late Lord Chejlerfield ibid.
Motto to the Scotch Stone under the coronation-chair^ at

Weftminfter - - ibid.

Epigram on " no women in heaven" - 45

Epitaph on A - W - , Efq\ 46

r s -readings of news-papers 49

' j Mifs JVoffington 57

rram - u. - 58

'Jolly Gibber's being appointed Poet Laureat ibid*

sice of truth .. . 6 1

:iy mother y with her wedding-ring 63

Mrs. Clare Byrne . . ibid.

A a

r iv j

JVife and nurfe < p. 72

Ode to health ,. 7 g

Will of Mr. Hickington 81

^:ncs at Cbatfwortb 82

To Mr. C. St. James's Place. By Mr. Pope 83

Anecdote of Mr. Pope . ibid.

Song 84

Will of Mr. Lloyd 85

Ode to Health 87

Written on Saturday Night 88

Tranjlation of a fragment of Simonides 89

Political dictionary . . 90

Lord Chejlerfield's Creed 92

Sappho's Ode to Venus 94

7 o a lady writing a defiance to Cupid 95

Fable of the afs, &c. by Lord E e 96

On a black marble Jlatue of a JIave, Jlanding at the

porch of one of the Inns of Court 97

Verfes to the author's tutor ibid.

A pajjage of Dante, made into a fang 98

Ode of Horace to Mr. D. Swift 100

On the E and O game 102

// Belli cofi, by Mr. Mafon 104

Pleafures of the mind - . no

To Mr. Doddington, by Mr. C. Pitt 114

To Mr. C. Pitt, by his brother 115

Epitaph on Mifs Drummond, by Mr. Mafon 116

Health 1 1 8*

Court of Venus 119

Mr. J. H. Browne, on his birth-day 121

Choice of a wife by cheefe 122

Pair of Beajts 124

Epigram on modern marriage* - 125

On bauty^ by Lord P. . ibid


r v }

gure of death 9 in a dream > p, i2

i'/ritten in the Pump Room> at Bath 129

1 artridge-Jhooting, an eclogue < .. 130

he Sportfman * 1 34

T eu> Tear Ode to King Bladud of Bath 141

ong) written 250 years ago . . 142

Traveller and Opportunity 144

An bumble prayer 145

Triumph of Certs 146

To the Par ret > 147

Prologue to the Plays at H 149

Sir Henry Lea to >ueen Elizabeth - 151

Lines by Mr. Garrick, on the back of his own pifture

Mercy 3 to the King . . j^^

To him who feels tbejujinefs of the char after 163

to Ctslia. . 164

The Nymph' s quejiion 166

On fl 7r//& Captain . 167

On a lady' s muff . 168

Epijlle to Mr. Banks 169

Orange -girl at Foote's, to Sally Harris 1 8 1

The anfwer ^7

/row fA# Spantjh, by Mr. Garrick. 190

On the Cerberus going to America 19 j


being fmifhed, and the idea of a Collection of
tbofe Fugitive Pieces of Merit which occafionally ap-
pear in print, or are handed about in manufcript,
being approved by the public; the FUGITIVE MIS-
CELLANY is humbly offered as a Continuation of the
Plan; but under a different title, that it may not feem
compulfatory on the purchafers of the former work
to proceed. It is intended to publifh a volume of this
work anually, in the month of March^ or thereabouts,
and to print it in the fame fize as the New Foundling
Hofpitalfor Wit* in order that fuch Gentlemen as
chufe to have both, may bind them uniformly, when-
ever they pleafe.

The afliftance of the Ingenious is humbly re-
quefted. They may be allured their favours will be
very gratefully received.







TH E noble family at whofe expence the above
feaft was prepared, being defirous to indulge
the curious in general with a fight of fome part of
the rural feftival, as well as the felet party who had
cards of invitation, gave orders that the gate upon
the Down only fhould be opened, and that the com-
pany in their fancy drefles (hould pafs along the front
lawn, by which means the curiofity of thoufands
would be indulged.

The company began to make their appearance
about half paft fix o'clock, and continued pouring
in till paft nine j as foon as any carriage had fat down
a party, and they had got within the gate which led
upon the lawn, they were faluted by French horns
placed in a retreat fo obfcure as not to be obferved by
the company. The front lawn foon became crow-
ded with fancy drefles, and the ladies by their paf-

VOL. II. B toral

[ 2 ]

toral appearance and fimplicity made beauty appear
with additional charms, and by their elegant fancy
habits meant certainly to outvie each other in tafle
and magnificence.

About eight o'clock a fignal was given for the
company to attend the mafque on the back lawn;
accordingly general Burgoyne, who was the princi-
pal manager and conductor, and for whofe fkill and
abilities on the occafion the greateft compliments are
due, came forward, and conducted the nobility and
others the vifitors through the houfe to the volup-
tuous fcene on the back lawn. No fooner did the
rural picture prefent itfelf, but amazement feized tho
whole company ; the firft thing that caught their
attention was the concourfe of people on each fide
the road, and the branches of trees bending with th<
weight of heads, that appeared as thick as codling 1
on a tree in a plentiful feafoo. At the upper end o
the back lawn was a moftfuperb and beautiful oran
gerie, or plantation of orange trees, intermixe<
with a great variety of valuable green houfe plants
behind the orangerie lay concealed a capital band (
mufic, under the fole direction of iMr. Barthekmor
the compofer of the mafque. On the right from t\
company, fwains appeared in fancy drcfles, nmunY
themfelves at the game of ninepius, whilft fhepherc
efles, neatly attired, were at the fwing. On t
left fide were other fwains with their bows and a
rows, fhooting at a bird which had perched itfelf ;
a may-pole ; whilft others were (hewing their ?. f
Jity by dancing and kicking at a tambeur de bafqi
which hung, decorated with ribbands, from a bor

r 3 ]

of a tree. Irt fliort, every rural paftime was ex-

In the centre of the brangerie fat Mrs. Barthele-
mon and Mr. Vernorii making wreaths of flowers,
and continued in that employment till after the com-
pany had taken their feats upon benches, placed in a
circular form on the green. As foon as the ladieS
and gentlemen were thus arranged, two Cupids went
round with a bafket of the moft rich flowers, and
prefented edch lady vVith an elegant bouquet j the
gentlemen had likewife a fimilar prefent. When
the Cupids had diflributed the flowers, nimble fhep-
herdefles fupplied their bafkets with frefli aflbrt-
ments. Thus, whilft the attention of the com-
pany was taken up with admiring the agility and
pretty manner of thefe little attendants accommo-
dating the nobility and others with their nofegays,
they were on a fudden furprifed with the harmo-
fiious found from the inftrumental band, which
being conveyed to the company through the Orange
plantation and fhrubbrry, created a moft happy and
pleafmg effect ; and which was (till the more height-
ened by the company not being able to diftinguifli
from what quarter it came.

This fymphony, whofe fvyeetnefs of found had
given every face a fmile of approbation, being ended,
Mr. Vernon got up, and with a light and ruftic air,
called the nymphs and fwains to celebrate the feftivity
of the day, informing them that Stanley, as lord of
the Oaks, had given the invitation, and oh thaf ac-
count he commanded their appearance to join the
fcftive fong and dance. After this air followed a
B 2 grand

[ 4 J

grand chords, which was compofed in fo remarka-
ble a ftile, and carried with it fo much jollity, that
the company could fcarce be prevailed upon to keep
their feats. Next followed a dance by Sylvans ;
then a fong by Mrs. Barthelemon j afterwards a dif-
ferent dance by the whole afTcmbly of Figurantes,
was executed in a mafterly ftile, and was fucceeded
by a moft elegant and pleafing duet by Mrs. Barthe-
lemon and Mr. Vernon, which concluded with a
dance. The next air confifted of four verfes, fung
by Mr. Vernon ; at the end of each line was a cho-
rus. The dance of the Sylvans continued during
the whole time of the chorus, and had an excellent
effea. .

Thus ended the firft mafque, which the public
had an opportunity of feeing in fome degree as well
as the vifitors ; and the loud acclamations of joy at
the conclufion, was a convincing proof of the high
opinion entertained by the nobility and gentry of this
rural feftival. The company in general exprefled
infinite fatisfadtion at the great and lively abilities
of the compofer, who fhewed great tafte and genius
throughout the whole performance. Much merit was
alfo due to Mr. Vernon and Mrs. Barthelemon ;
particularly tht former, whofe abilities were not
confined folely to the mufical part allotted to him,
but was particularly ferviceable on the occafion, in
decorating the trees with feftoons of flowers, affif-
ted by the gardener, and his attendants.

This being over, the company amufed themfelves
with walking about till the temporary room was il-
luminated, and upon a fignal given, another pro-


[ 5 3

ceflion was made. Lord Stanley, fupported by Lady
Betty Hamilton, the queen of the Oaks, and mifs
Stanley, led the way, the reft of the company fol-
lowing two by two. The noble vifitors were firft
conduced through a beautiful and magnificent octa-
gon hall, with tranfparent windows, painted fuita-
ble to the occafion : at the end of the great room
hung fix fuperb curtains, fuppofed to cover the fame
number of large windows ; they were of crimfon
colour, richly ornamented with deep gold fringe.
Colonades appeared on each fide the room, with
wreaths of flowers running up the columns ; and
the whole building was lined chair back high with
white perfian and gold fringe j the feats around were
covered with deep crimfon. The company amufed
themfelves with dancing minuets and cotillions till
half paft eleven, when an explofion, fimilar to the
going off of a large quantity of rockets, put the
whole lively group into a confternation. This was
occafioned by a fignal given for the curtains, which
we have before defcribed, to fly up and exhibit to
the company a large fupper room, with tables fpread
with the moft coftly dainties, all hot and tempting.
The company took their feats in an inftant, without
the leaft interruption, and partook of the entertain-
ment. They no fooner appeared fatisfied than the
whole was removed inftantaneoufly, and a handfome
defert fpread on the tables, without their being able
to account for the fudden change. When the la-
dies feemed tired with this fecond piece of luxury,
the band were heard tuning their inftruments in the
o&agon hall. This was another fignal for the com-
B 3 pany

r 6 ]

pany to leave the fupper room and adjourn to the ball
room. No iboner was the above chamber cleared,
when again, to the aftonifhment of all prefent, down
flew the large curtains, and made the hall room ap-
pear in its firft flate of elegance.

The ceremony of arranging the company next
took place, and was executed by the general, who
having placed lady Betty Hamilton in the center,
formed the reft of the company into a circular
groupe. This done, a Druid of the Oaks, repre-
lented by Capt. Pigott, came forward from the oc-
tagon hall, with a few complimentary lines, fuitable
tp the occafion, fummoning the fawns and wood-
nymphs to attend the ceremony within. A grand
chorus was then fung by the nymphs, fawns, and
Sylvans, led on by Cupids. After this chorus, ano-
ther fpeech by the D.ruid. Mrs. Barthelemon, in
the character of a wood-nymph, fung a pleafmg
air, the vyords in praife of conjugal felicity. This
produced, at the conclufion, a chaconne, which was
executed by eight principal dancers with great eafe
and agility. The Druid made another fpeech, and
having finifhed, Mr. Vernon fung an air in praife of
the Oak. Next was an alemande, by fix teen prin-
cipal dancers, and afterwards a fpeech relative to the
Oaks, by the Druid. Mrs. Barthelemon and Mr.
Vernon then fung a duet, which was likewife in
praife of the O?.k, its profperity and advantage, fi-
n.ifhing with a few complimentary lines to lady Betty
by the Druid, and a grand chorus of vocaj and in-
ftrumental mufic. During which a device in tran-
fparency was introduced, in which, two hymeneal
torches lighted on the top, a fhield reprefenting the


r r i

Hamilton creft, (an oak with a faw thro* it, and a
ducal coronet) 5 after a chorus, the Druid, fawns
and wood nymphs went to the altar ; and two Cu-
pids, the Cupid of love, and the hymenean Cupid
afcending the fteps, crowned the fhield with the
wreath of love and hymen. Thus ended the fecond
part ; of which, by this defcription, the reader will
judge the elegance and grandeur.

The third part was opened by minuets, compofed
on the occafion, by the earl of Kelly. Lord Stan-
ley and lady Betty Hamilton-, opened the fecond ball,
and the reft of the nobility danced in their turns;
when the minuets were ended, country dances ftruck
up, and continued till part three o'clock. The com-
pany were highly entertained with the illuminations
in the gardens, which had a fine effect from the front
wing of the houfe. Facing the temporary room
was erected a large Ionic portico, fupported by four
large tranfparent columns, of a bright pink colour.
On a fcroll on the pediment were the following
words : " Sacred to propitious Venus." In the
center of the pediment was a fhield, with the Ha-
milton and Stanky arms quartered, the whole fup-
ported by a band of Cupids, who appeared to great
advantage by the affiftance of four pyramids of light.
Several pyramids of lights were Tikewife creeled in
different parts of the garden.

The whcJe of this feftival was conducted by ge-
neral Rurgoyne. The company were b highly
pleafed, that they did not part till four in the morn-
ing. Thofe who had been at fetes champetres in
France, declared they never faw any one equal to
lord Stanley's.


[ 8 J




WH Y fo penfive this morning when all things
are gay ?

Why thofe looks fo demure on the firft day of may ?
Is your hufband return'd, or your ticket misplac'd ?
Has your frizeur equip'd fome ones head in your

tafte ?

Explain, Lady Verdeur for I'm dying to know
What you think what you eat how you fleep
where you go ?



Thou dear little peer, of thofe fpirits the prime,
Who poflefs all our thoughts, and employ all our


Who buz round our ears at all hours and of courfe,
Muft affe& all our movements as flies do a horfe ;
I hate this fine fpring, and your firft day of May,
Which drive our pantheons and operas away.


Will not Ranelagh do the park and the garden ?
Whatever's more rural is not worth a farthing :
Eliziums ! where fighs are convey'd in each breeze,
And Cupids fcarce fledg'd clufter round y ou like bees;


[ 9 3

Can you leave thofe dear boxes and Cyprian bowers
For the jargon of children and family hours ?

Too well, my dear Lord, you've defcrib'd that

dull fcene,

Where beauty muft pine in the {hade, and in fpleen ;
With country neighbours to fit down at three
(We've but one public day, a grand jubilee)
Who come twelve miles at leaft, play for fixpence

and then
They pig at eleven, fet off next day at ten.


Oh fhocking ! I vow fuch vile bondage I'd break,
What's a family fyftem when honor's at (lake ?
How unlike Lady Fudge whole pride is to roam
At all hours to all placesnot one thought of home!
From Pantheon at fix lies till one with what grace
At St. James's flic yawns in his Majefty's face?


Your convert, my Lord, I fubfcribe from my foul,
No more fhall dull forms my footfteps controul ;
The children fhall travel I care not how foon :
I may follow myfelf the laft week in June j
But own our routine's fomewhat dull fo adieu,
And mark my converfion by fomething that's new.


Kind ftars, what a convert fhe'll give us new life,
What a miftrefs retriev'd from a dull placid wife ?


f 10]

We muft give her no time to reflect, no, not one day,

M ch and H 1 muft fecure her with mufic a


But hold, lady Verdeur I've two projects on which
Your tafte muft decide let's retire to yon nich.

I ne'er will be feen in nich, door-way, or corner,

Like laquer-fac'd A or vagabond H ;

Then men all prefuming the women all fpiteful,
(Lord, how well chofe this coat, the trimmings de-

I'll difclofe your two plans to no mortal alive,
My chair is the next I ne'er ftay beyond five.


The firft plan is this (tho' not totally mine)
I'm fure you'll allow it a thought mod divine ;
To invite all the world to my houfe out of town,
In funfliine, and chaifes, and mafks to comedown.
Then of S tr~rs and H - g - rs, and every non etre
We are fure hail my queen of our ballet champetre !

I'm ravifli'd, my Lord, with your fcheme you

(hall fee

I'll be down at your hour in my new vis a vis :
Its tides are all gtafs, its lining dark, green,
For you know, my dear Lord how I hate to be feen.
O ! that dear charming carriage, fo narrow I fwear,
Mir hufbar.d's broad fhoulders can never come there.


r ]


The cards you'll addrefs as queen of the fete,
We'll give them two days en cas de tempete :
The ices the mottoes the beaux rimez too,
The fouper, the mufic I leave all to you j
I've befpoke all the flowers for ten miles around,
Not a bouquet in London that day ihall be found.

But pray, my dear lord, is your houfe fmall or

great ?

Do you know the expence of this ravifhing fete ?
To dance Cotillions even \ fhould refufe,
If we dance to the tune of annuitant Jews.
Can your lordfhip ftill fmile be gallant and content,
To enjoy your eftates, whilft they take your rent ?


What; drum do we fee aflembly or rout,
But half of the gueft;s at leaft are fqueez'd out ?
We'll have arbors and grottoes, and feats under trees,
Where the reft may retire and doas they pleafe.
But for God's fake, my lady, don't think of the


If once we reflect, all amufement is loft ;
My Irifh Spaulpeens (haM pay for our jokes,
And Shellelah fubfcribe to illumine the Oaks !
Their Englifh landlord will vifit them foon,
View the beauties of Scotland - and to poft back La


[ 12]

At the worft you (hall find me heroic and calm,
And ready, like C - 1 le, to fpin ode or pfalm ;
Tune my lyre like that poet, and charmingly fing
On the death of your lap dog, or fate of your ring ;
To retrieve my funk fortune I'll rattle the box,
Cheat all who dare truft me and out- rival F x.
Adieu, my dear queen I entreat, ere we part,
One favor 'twill prove how you reign in my heart.
Let your frizeur la bogue come down to our fete.
A curl may be wrong all depends on the tete.



OH Bofton ! late with ev'ry pleafure crown'd,
Where commerce triumph'd on the fav'ring

And each pleas'd eye, that rov'd in profpeft round,
Hail'd thy bright fpires, and blefs'd thy op'ning

fails !
The plenteous marts with rich profufion fmil'd,

Thy gay throng crowded in thy fpacious ftreets,
From either Ind thy chearful ftores were fill'd,
Thy ports were gladden'd with unnumber'd fleets.

For there more fair than in their native vales,
Tall groves of mafts arofe in beauteous pride j

The waves were whiten'd by the fwelling fails,
And plenty wafted on the neighb'ring tide.


.[ '3 ]
Alas, how chang'd ! the fwelling fails no more

Catch the fair winds, and wanton in the fky ;
But hoftile beaks affright the guarded fliore,

And pointed thunders all accefs deny.

No more the merchant greets his promis'd gains,
No bufy throngs obftrucl: the mournful way,

O'er thy fad marts a gloomy filence reigns,
And thro' thy ftreets the fons of rapine (tray.

Such the drear ftillnefs of the defart night,
When horror fettles on the fhrouded groves,

"While pow'rs of darknefs claim their hateful right,
And fierce for prey the favage tyger roves.

Along thy fields, that late in beauty fhone,
With lowing herds and grafly vefture fair,

Th' infulting tents of barb'rous troops are drown,
And bloody ftandards ftain the peaceful air.

Are thefe thy deeds, oh Britain ? this the praife,
That points the growing luftre of thy name ?

Thefe glorious works, that in thy latter days,
Gild the bright period of thine early fame ?

To rife in ravage and with arm prophane,

From freedom's fhrine each facred gilt to rend j

And mark the clofing annals of thy reign,
With ev'ry foe fubdu'd and every friend ?

, In thee no more bold virtue's orient ray

The foul of joy to patriot bands affords ;
But cloud inftead and ever-during fway,
Of commons venal and dependant lords*



No more With manly zeal thy fenates glow-
Behind the fcenes, thy factious nobles wait,

Prompt the Vain farce, infpire the noify fhow,
Guide the blind \ote, and rule the mock debate.

To thefe how vain, in weary woes forlorn,

With fearful bands the fond complaint to raife,

Lift fruitlefs ofFrings to the ear of fcorn,
Of fervile vows and well diflembled praife !

Will the grim favage of the nightly fold

Learn from their cries the blamelefs flock to fpa're ?

Will (he deaf gods, that frown in molten gold,
Blefs the dup'd hand, that fpreads the proftrate
prayer ?

"With what pleas'd hope before the face of pride.

We rear'd our fuppliant eyes with filial awe ?
While loud difdain with ruffian voice reply'd,

And inj'ry triumph'd in the garb of law.

While peers enraptur'd hail th' unmanly wrong,
See ribaldry, vile proftitute of fhame,

Stretch the brib'd hand and prompt the venal tongue,
To blait the laurels of a FRANKLIN'S name ?

But will the fage, whofe philofophic foul,
Controul'd the lightning in its fierce career,

Heard unappealM the aerial thunders roll,

And taught the bolts of vengeance where to fteer


[ 15 ]

Will he, while ecchoing to his juft renown,

The voice of kingdoms joins the loud applaufe ;

Heed the weak malice of a courtier's frown,
Or dread the coward infolence of laws ?

See envying Britain rends the hallow'd bays,
Illuded juftice pens the mock decree j

While infamy her darling fcrowl difplays,

And points well pleas'd, oh Wedderburn, to thee.

For naught avail the virtues of the heart,
Nor tow'ring genius claims its due reward ;

From Britain's fury, as from death's keen dart,
No worth can fave us, and no fame can guard.

And now that pow'r, whofe pointed wrath fo late
Hath ftamp'd the fcal of vengeance on our ports,

Breaks the ftrong pillars of our falling ftute,
Our faithful councils, and impartial courts !

No more mall juftice with unbiafs'd hand,

From hard oppreflion fnatch her trembling pr^y,

While in her ballance by fupreme command,
Hang the dead weights of minifterial fway.

(For taught by pairr, our injur'd bofoms feel

How juft thy claims whence all our woes began,

And ownf/tpr<irn the power, that could repeal,
Thofe laws of heav'n, that guard the rights of

In vain we hope from Britain's haughty pride ,
An hand to fave us, or an heart to blefs ;

'Tis ftrength, our own, muft ftem the rufhing tide,
And our own virtue yield the wifli'd fuccefc.


[ 16 ]
But, oh, my friends, the arm of blood * reftrainj

(No rage intemp'rate aids the public weal)

1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Online LibraryJohn AlmonThe fugitive miscellany. Being a collection of such fugitive pieces, in prose and verse, as are not in any other collection (Volume 2) → online text (page 1 of 9)