Joseph Woodfall Ebsworth.

Merry drollery compleat, being jovial poems, merry songs, &c. online

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And bids me go, yet knows I cannot stand ;

I measure all the ground by trips,

Was ever Sot so drunk with sips,

Or can a man be overseen with lips ?
I pray Madam fickle be faithful,
And leave off your damnable dodging,
Then do not deceive me, either love me or leave
Or let me go home to my lodging. (me,

I have too much, and yet my folly is such,

I cannot [leave] hold, but must have t'other touch ;

Here's a health to the King : how now ?


240 The Second Part of

I'm drunk and speak treason I vow,
Lovers and Fools say any thing you know ;
I fear I have tired your patience,
But I'm sure 'tis I have the wrong on't ;
My wits are bereft, and all I have left
Is scarce enough to make a Song on't ;
My Mistris and I shall never comply,
And there's the short and the long on't.

A Present to a Lady.

LAdies I do here present you
With a token Love hath sent you ;
Tis a thing to sport and play with,
Such another pretty thing
For to pass the time away with ;
Prettier sport was never seen ;

Name I will not, nor define it,
Sure I am you may devine it :
By those modest looks I guess it,
And those eyes so full of fire,
That I need no more express it,
But leave your fancies to admire.

Yet as much of it be spoken
In the praise of this love-token :
'Tis a wash that far supasseth


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 241

For the cleansing of your blood,
All the Saints may bless your faces,
Yet not do you so much good.

Were you ne'r so melancholly,
It will make you blithe and jolly ;
Go no more, no more admiring,
When you feel your spleen's amiss,
For all the drinks of Steel and Iron
Never did such cures as this.

It was born in th' Isle of Man
Venus nurs'd it with her hand,
She puffed it up with milk and pap,
And lulPd it in her wanton lap,
So ever since this Monster can
In no place else with pleasure stand.

Colossus like, between two Rocks,

I have seen him stand and shake his locks,

And when I have heard the names

Of the sweet Saterian Dames,

O he's a Champion for a Queen,

'Tis pity but he should be seen.

Nature, that made him, was so wise
As to give him neither tongue nor eyes,
Supposing he was born to be
The Instrument of Jealousie,

Q Yet

242 The Second Part of

Yet here he can, as Poets feign,
Cure a Ladies love-sick brain.

He was the first that did betray
To mortal eyes the milky way ;
He is the Proteus cunning Ape
That will beget you any shape ;
Give him but leave to act his part,
And he'll revive your saddest heart.

Though he want legs, yet he can stand,
With the least touch of your soft hand;
And though, like Cupid, he be blind,
There's never a hole but he can find ;
If by all this you do not know it,
Pray Ladies give me leave to shew it.

A Combate of Cocks.

>! V

' jy v * f* O you tame Gallants, you that have the name,
VJT And would accounted be Cocks of the Game,
That have brave spurs to shew for Y, and can crow,
And count all dunghil breed that cannot shew
Such painted Plumes as yours ; that think no vice,
With Cock-like lust to tread your Cockatrice :
TJiough Peacocks, Wood-cocks, Weather-cocks you be,
Iff are no fighting-cocks, fare not for me :

Merry Drollery, Complete. 243

I of two feather 1 d Combatants will write ',
He that to th life means to express the fight,
Must make his ink tf ttt bloud which they did spill,
And from their dying wings borrow his quill.

NO sooner were the doubtfull people set[,
The matches made, and all that would had bet,
But straight the skilful Judges of the Play,
Bring forth their sharp-heel'd Warriours, and they
Were both in linnen bags, as if 'twere meet,
Before they dy'd to have their winding sheet.
With that in th' pit they are put, & when they were
Both on their feet, the Norfolk Chanticleere
Looks stoutly at his ne'r-before seen foe,
And like a Challenger begins to crow,
And shakes his wings, as if he would display
His warlike Colours, which were black and gray :
Mean time the wary Wisbich walks and breaths
His active body, and in fury wreaths
His comely crest, and often looking down,
He whets his angry beak upon the ground :
With that they meet, not like the coward breed
Of sEsop, that can better fight than feed.
They scorn the dung-hill, 'tis their only prize,
To dig for Pearl within each others eyes :
They fight so long, that it was hard to know
To th' skilful, whether they did fight or no,
Had not the bloud which died the fatal floor

Born witness of it ; yet they fight the more,

Q 2 As

244 The Second Part of

As if each wound were but a spur to prick

Their fury forward : lightning's not more quick

Nor red than were their eyes : 'twas hard to know

Whether 'twas bloud or anger made them so :

And sure they had been out, had they not stood

More safe by being fenced in by blood

Yet still they fight, but now (alas) at length

Although their courage be full tried, their strength

And bloud began to ebbe ; you that have seen

A water- combat on the Sea, between

Two roaring angry boyling billows, how

They march, and meet, and dash their curled brows,

Swelling like graves, as if they did intend

T'intomb each other, ere the quarrel end :

But when the wind is down, and blustring weather,

They are made friends, & sweetly run together, (low[,J

May think these champions such, their combs grow

And they that leapt even now, now scarce can go :

Their wings which lately at each blow they clapt [,]

(As if they did applaud themselves) now flapt.

And having lost the advantage of the heel,

Drunk with each others bloud they only reel.

From either eyes such drops of bloud did fall,

As if they wept them for their Funeral.

And yet they would fain fight, they come so near,

As if they meant into each others ear

To whisper death ; and when they cannot rise,

They lie and look blows in each others eyes.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 245

But now the Tragick part after the fight,
When Norfolk Cock had got the best of it,
And Wisbich lay a dying, so that none,
Though sober, but might venture seven to one,
Contracting (like a dying Tapre) all
His force, as meaning with that blow to fall ;
He struggles up, and having taken wind,
Ventures a blow, and strikes the other blind.
And now Poor Norfolk having lost his eyes,
Fights only guided by th' Antipathies :
With him (alas) the proverb holds not true,
The blows his eyes ne'er see, his heart most rue.
At length by chance, he stumbling on his foe,
Not having any power to strike a blow,
He falls upon him with a wounded head,
And makes his conquered wings his Feather-bed,
Where lying sick, his friends were very chary
Of him, and fetcht in haste an Apothecary ;
But all in vain, his body did so blister,
That 'twas uncapable of any Glister,
Wheresoever at length, opening his fainting bill,
He call'd a Scrivener, and thus made his Will.

INprimis, Let it never be forgot,
My body freely I bequath to th pot,
Decently to be boyPd, and for its tomb,
Let it be buried in some hungry womb.
Item, Executors I will have none,
But he that on my side laid seven to one :

Q 3 And

246 The Second Part of

And like a Gentleman that he may live,
To him and to his heirs my comb I give ;
Together with my brains, that all may know,
That often times his brains did use to crow.
Item, // is my Will to the weaker ones,
Whose wives complain of them, I give my stones ,
To him that's dull, I do my spurs impart,
And to the Coward, I bequeath my heart :
To Ladies that are light, it is my will,
My feathers should be giv'n; and for my bill,
Fl giv't a Taylor, but it is so short,
That I'm afraid he' I rather curse me for V .*
And for the Apothecaries fee, who meant
To give me a Glister, let my Rump be sent.
Lastly, because I feel my life decay,
I yield, and give to Wisbich Cock the day.

In praise of Sack.

COme faith let's frolick, fill some Sack,
For then we shall not lack
Food for the belly, nor physick for the back,

This Beer breeds the Chollick, let us spread
Our Cheeks with Royal Red,
And then we'll sing, hey toss the divel's dead,
To Faction we never more will bow the knee :
Great Britains fate in faith 'twas long of thee.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 247

You may see what Madam England hath been at
When we behold her Nose is fain so flat.

To Wine we'll build a Shrine,

And an Altar divine,
High as the sign, where thy red nose and mine

Like Tapers shall shine :
Then let's drink for the Bets, 'tis the loser that gets,

In spight of their threats, and their Creditors nets,
We'll drink off our debts,

Where he that's dead drunk, shall be
Laid out in state, as well as he

Whose dignity the only objects be
Of new Idolatry.
We'll guard his corps like a Bride

To the grave-side, so copious and wide,
With as much pride as he that lately dyed,

The Railing set aside.

Fifty red-faces free, shall his Torch-bearers be ;
Six maudlin mourners his Coffin shall carry,
There we will tipple free unto the memory
Of our fraternity drown'd in Canary :
In the Divel-Tavern we commonly will shew him,

We'll bury him from the divel,

Others fair men to him.

We'll be blythe and trimmer,
We'll have Musick to[o]

Q 4 Jews

248 The Second Part of

Jews-harp, tongues and Skimmer,

Thy Cup my Cup

Bar-boy fill the other brimmer,

Fly cup strike up there boy,

Till our eyes do grow dimmer.

Money shall be spent in Bays,
Every pen shall vent a praise
And a Monument we'll raise

Over his bones.
Where his Epitaph shall be,
That he dyed in Loyalty,
Never gain'd by Cruelty,

Kingdoms, nor Crowns,
That he never lived by injury,
Nor confounded men for forgery,
Neither put a prop of Perjury

Under his thrones ;

That although he drank his Cares away,
And sometimes his Loyal fears away,
Yet he never drank the tears away

Of Orphans Groans.

Thus he shall be both frollick and free,

Who's kindly kill'd with Canary,
With red and white, or other delight,

If tippling makes him miscarry,
Provided he [a] Bachanel be,

And scorns to admit of a parley,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 249

With Ale or Beer, or other such geer,

Polluted with Hop or with Barley, [:]

Good wine doth ring, like Priest and King,
But 'tis Ale that looks like a Lay-man,

Then for the Vineyard draw your Whynyard,
The Divel go with the Dray-man.

** A Maidenhead.

WHat is that you call a Maidenhead ?
A thing oft smothered in a bed,
Which some have now, which all have had,
Which freely given makes one sad.

'Tis got for nought with little pain ;
'Tis kept, but lost, not got again ;
'Tis that you call a Maidenhead,
By proving quick 'tis ever dead.

A lump which passes bear about [lamp]

Till putting in doth put it out ;
A herb it is which proves a weed
When first the husk doth bear a Seed.

It's that a Maidenhead we call,
A thing by standing made to fall ;
It is a Maiden-head, say we,
That's kept by holding close the knee.


250 The Second Part of

Which youths were often used to lurch,
Which Brides do seldom bear to Church ;
At fifteen rare, at eighteen strange,
Which either lose when two do change.

That f[l]it's when Maidens begin to reak,
When ere it parts, it makes them squeak,
And being gone, they streight repent :
This by a Maidenhead is meant.

\f The Night encounter.

WHen Phoebus had drest his course to the West
To take up his rest below,
And Cynthia agreed in her glittering weed
Her light in his stead to bestow :
I walking alone, attended by none,
I suddenly heard one cry,

O do not, do not kill me yet,
For I am not prepared to dye.

At length I drew near to see and to hear,
And straight did appear to shew,
The Moon was so bright, I saw such a sight
It's fit no Wight should it know :
A man and a maid together were laid,
And ever she said, nay fie,
O do not, &><:.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 251

The youth was so tough he pulPd up her stuff,
And to blindman-buff he did go,
Though still she did lye, yet still she did cry,
And put him but by with a no ;
But he was so strong, and she was so young,
But she rested a while for to cry,
O do not, &c.

Thus striving in vain, well pleased again,
She vowed to remain his foe,
She kept such a coyl, when he gave her the foyl,
The greater the broyl did grow ;
For he was prepar'd, and did not regard
Her words, when he heard her cry,
O do not, &c.

He said to the Maid, Sweet be not afraid,

Thy Physitian I will be ;

If I light in the hole that pleaseth me best,

I'll give thee thy Physick free ;

He went to it again, and hit in the Vein

Where all her whole grief did lye ;

O kill me, kill me once again,

For I am prepared to dye.

At length he gave o'r and suddenly swore,
He'd kill her no more that night,
He bid her adieu, for certain he knew
She wou'd tempt him to more delight :


252 The Second Part of

But when they did part it went to her heart,
For at length he had taught her to cry,
O kill me, kill me once again,
For now I am prepared to dye.

The Protecting Brewer.

A Brewer may be a Burgess grave,
And carry the matter so fine and so brave,
That he the better may play the Knave,
Which no body can deny.

A Brewer may be a Parliament-man
For there the knavery first began,
And Brew most cunning Plots he can,
Which no body, &c.

A Brewer may put on a Nabal face,
And march to the Wars with such a grace,
That he may get a Captains place,
Which no body, &c.

A Brewer may speak so monstrous well, [wondrous]
That he may raise strange things to tell,
And so [to] be made a Colonel,
Which no body, &c.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 253

A Brewer may make his foes to flee,
And raise his fortunes, so that he
Lieutenant General may be,
Which no body, &c.

A Brewer he may be all in all,
And raise his powers both great and small,
That he may be a Lord General,
Which no body, 6*

A Brewer may be like a Fox in a Cub,
And teach a Lecture out of a Tub,
And give the wicked world a rub,
Which no body, &c.

A Brewer by's Excise and Rate,
Will promise his Army he knows what,
And set it upon the Colledge-gate,
Which no body, &c.

Methinks I hear one say to me,
Pray why may nor [not] a Brewer be,
Lord-Chancelour o' th' University,
Which no body, &c.

A Brewer may be as bold as a Hector,
When he has drunk off his cup of Nectar,
And a Brewer may be a Lord Protector,
Which no body, 6c.


254 The Second Part of

Now here remains the strangest thing,
How this Brewer about his liquor doth bring,
To be an Emperour, or a King,
Which no body, 6<r.

A Brewer may do what he will,
[And] Rob the Church and State, to sell
His soul unto the divel of hell,
Which no body can deny.

Cromwel's Coronation.

O Liver, Oliver, take up thy Crown,
For now thou hast made three Kingdoms thine
Call thee a Conclave of thy whole creation, (own ;

To ride us to ruine, who dare thee oppose :

Whilst we thy good people are at thy devotion,

To fall down and worship thy terrible Nose.

To thee and thy Mermydons Oliver, we,

Do tender thy [? our] homage as fits thy degree,

We'll pay the Exsize and Taxes, God bless us,
With fear and contrition, as penitents should,

Whilst you, great sirs, vouchsafe to oppress us,
Not daring so much as in private to scold.


We bow down, as cow'd down, to thee & thy
For now thou hast made thy self Englands sole Lord,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 255

By mandate of Scripture, and heavenly warrant,
The Oath of Allegiance, and Covenant too ;

To Charles & his Kingdoms thou art Heir apparent,
And born to rule over the Turk and the Jew.

Then Oliver, Oliver, get up and ride, (side,

Whilst Lords, Knights, & Gentry, do run by thy

The Maulsters and Brewers account it their glory,
Great God of the Grain-tub's compared to thee :

All Rebels of old are lost in their story,

Till thou Plod'st along to the Paddmgton-treQ.

The Drunkard.

WHen I do travel in the night
The Brewers dog my brains do's byte,
My heart grows heavy, and my heels grow light,
And I like my humour well, well,
And I like my humour well.

When with upsie freeze I line my head,
My Hostis Sellar is my bed,
The worlds our own, and the divel is dead,
And I like, &c.

Then I'll be talking of matters of Court,
About the taking of some Fort,
Then I'll swear a lye is true report,
And I like, &v.


256 The Second Part of

Then I'll be talking of matters of State,

Of news from [the] Pallatinate,
What Princes are confederate,
And 1 like, &c.

If my Hostis bids me pay my score,
And stand if I can, I call her whore,
I feel and tumble out of her doore,
And I like, 6^.

That I came from the War, I roar and swear
I made a fellow die for fear,
How many I killed that I never came near,
And I like, &c.

If I meet with a Taylors Stall,
And the stones with my nose with fighting fall,
We kiss and are friends, and so there's all,
And I like, &c.

With an Indian Chimney in my hand,
Having a Boy at my command,
Like a brave Commander up I stand,
And I like, &c.

Then I justle with every post I meet,
I kick the dunghils about the street,
I trample the kennels about my feet,
And I like, &c.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 257

The Constable I curse and ban,
That bids me stand if I be a man,
I tell him he bids me do more than I can,
And I like, &c.

If I fall to the ground, and the watchmen see
And ask of me, if I foxed be ?
I tell them 'tis my humility,
And I like, &c.

Then home I go, and my Wife doth skold [,]

She bawls the more I bid her hold,
It is my patience makes her bold,
And I like, &c.

Then I grope to bed, but miss the way,
Forget me where my Cloaths, I lay,
I call for drink by break of day,
And I like my humour [well].

Song of Sir Eglamore.

Sir Eglamore, that valiant Knight, fa, la, la, la, la,
He put on his Sword, & he went to fight, fa, la,
And as he rid o'r hill and dale,
All armed in his Coat of Maile,
Fa, la, la, la, fa, la, la, lalla, la.

R There

258 The Second Part of

There starts a huge Dragon out of his Den, fa, la,
Which had kilPd I know not how many men, fa, la,
But when he see Sir Eglamore,
If you had but heard how the Dragon did roar,
Fa, la, la, &*c.

This Dragon he had a plaguy hard hide, fa, la, la,
Which could the strongest steel abide, fa, la, la,
He could not enter him with cuts,
Which vex'd the Knight to his heart bloud & guts,
Fa, la, la, &c.

All the trees in the wood did shake, fa, la, la,
Horses did tremble, and men did quake, fa, la, la,
The birds betook them to their peeping,
Twould have made a mans heart to fall a weeping,
Fa, la, la.

But now it was no time to fear, fa, la, la,
For it was time to fight Dog, fight Bear, fa, la, la,
But as the Dragon yawning did fall,
He thrust his Sword down hilt and all,
Fa, la, la.

For as the JCnight in Choller did burn, fa, la, la,
He ought the Dragon a shrewd good turn, fa, la, la,
In at his mouth his Sword he sent,
The hilt appeared at his fundament.
Fa, la, la.


Merry Drollery, Complete. 259

Then the Dragon, like a Coward, began to flee, fa, la,
Into his Den that was hard by, fa, la, la,
There he laid him down and roar'd,
The Knight was sorry for his Sword,
Fa, la, la,

The Sword it was a right good blade, fa, la, la,
As ever Turk or Spaniard made, fa, la, la,
I, for my part, do forsake it,
[And] He that will fetch it, let him take it,
Fa, la, la.

When all was done, to the Alehouse he went, fa, la,
And presently his two pence he spent, fa, la, la,
He was so hot with tugging with the Dragon,
That nothing would squench him but a [w]hole flagon,
. Fa, la, la.

Well, now let us pray for the King & Queen, fa, la,
And eke in London there may be seen, fa, la, la,
As many Knights, and as many more,
And all as good as Sir Eglamore,

Fa, la, la, la, fa, la, la, la, lalla, la.


The Rump.

F none be offended with the Scent,

Though I foul my mouth, I'll be content,

R 2 To

260 The Second Part of

To sing of the Rump of a Parliament,
Which no body can deny.

I have som[e]times fed on a Rump in Souse,
And a man may imagine the Rump of a Louse ;
But till now was ne'r heard of the Rump of a house,
Which no body, 6<r.

There's a rump of beef, and the rump of a goose [,]
And a rump whose neck was hang'd in a noose ;
But ours is a Rump can play fast and loose,
Which no body, 6<r.

A Rump had Jane Shore, and a Rump Messaleen,
And a Rump had Antonies resolute Queen ;
But such a Rump as ours is, never was seen,
Which no body, &c.

Two short years together we English have scarce
Been rid of thy rampant Nose (old Mars,)
But now thou hast got a prodigious Arse,
Which no body, &c.

When the parts of the body did fall out,
Some votes it is like did pass for the Snout ;
But that the Rump should be King was never a
Which no body, &c. (doubt


Merry Drollerie y Complete. 261

A Cat has a Rump, and a Cat has nine lives,
Yet when her head's off, her Rump never strives ;
But our Rump from the grave hath made two re-
Which no body, &c. (trives,

That the Rump may all their enemies quail,
They'l borrow the Divels Coat of Mayl,
And all to defend their estate in Tayl,
Which no body, 6<r.

But though their scale now seen to be th' upper,
There's no need of the charge of a thanksgiving supper,
For if they be the Rump, the Armies their Crupper,
Which no body, &c.

There is a saying belongs to the Rump,
Which is good although it be worn to the stump [,]
That on the Buttock, I'll give thee a thump,
Which no body, d^<r.

There's a Proverb in which the rump claims a part,
Which hath in it more of Sence than of Art,
That for all you can do I care not a fart,
Which no body, 6<r.

There's another Proverb gives the Rump for his
But Alderman Atkins made it a jest, (Crest,

That of all kind of lucks shitten luck is the best,
Which no body, &c.

R 3 There's

262 The Second Part of

There's another Proverb that never will fail,
That the good [the] Rump will do when they prevail,
Is to give us a flap with a Fox-tail,
Which no body, &c.

There is a saying, which is made by no fools,
I never can hear on't but my heart it cools,
That the Rump will spend all we have in close-

Which no body &c. (stools,

There's an observation wise and deep,

Which, without an Onion, will make me to weep,

That flies will blow Maggots in the Rump of a

Which no body, &c. ( sheep,

And some, that can see the wood from the trees,
Say, this Sanctified Rump in time we may leese :
For the Cooks do challenge the rumps for their Fees ?
Which no body, &c.

When the Rump do sit, we'll make it our moan,
That the Reason be 'nacted, if there be not one,
Why a Fart hath a tongue, and a Fiest[le] hath none,
Which no body, &c.

And whiPst within the walls they lurk,
To satisfie us, will be a good work,
Who hath most Religion, the Rump or the Turk,
Which no body, 6<r.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 263

A Rump's a Fag end, like the baulk of a furrow,
And is to the whole like the jail to the burrough,
Tis the bran that is left when the meal is run tho-
Which no body, 6^. ( rough,

Consider the world, the heav'n is the head on't,
The earth is the middle, and we men are fed on't,
But hell is the rump, and no more can be said on't,
Which no body can deny.

The Red-coats Triumph. ( \

COme Drawer, and fill us about some wine,
Let's merrily tipple, the day is our own ;
We'll have our delights, let the Country go pine,
Let the King and the Kingdom groan :
The Crown is our own, and so shall continue,
We'll baffle Monarchy quite,
We'll drink of the Kingdoms Revenue,
And sacrifice all to Delight ;
Tis power that brings us all to be Kings,
And we'll all be crown'd by our might.

A fig for Divinity Lectures, and Law,

And all that true Loyalty do pretend ;

We will by the Sword keep Kingdoms in awe,

And our Powers shall never end ;

The Church and the State we'll turn into liquor,

And spend a whole town in a day :

R 4 We'll

264 The Second Part of

We'll melt all the Bodkins the quicker

Into Sack, and drink them away ;

We'll keep the demeans of the Bishops and Deans,

And over the Presbyter sway.

Now nimble Saint Patrick is sunk in a bog,

And his Country-men sadly cry, O hone, O hone ;

Saint Andrew and his Kirkmen are lost in a fog,

And now we are the Saints alone ;

Thus on our Equals and Superiours we trample,

And Jockie our stirrop shall hold,

The Citie's our Mule for example,

Whilst we will in plenty be rou'ld ;

Each delicate dish shall but eccho our wish,

And our drink shall be cordial Gold.

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Online LibraryJoseph Woodfall EbsworthMerry drollery compleat, being jovial poems, merry songs, &c. → online text (page 12 of 20)