Joseph Woodfall Ebsworth.

Merry drollery compleat, being jovial poems, merry songs, &c. online

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The Bulls Feather.

IT chanced not long ago, as I was walking,
An eccho did bring me where two were a talking :
Twas a man said to his wife, die had I rather,
Than to be cornuted, and wear the Bulls feather,

Then presently she reply'd, Sweet, art thou jealous ?
Thou canst not play Vulcan before I play Venus :
Thy fancies are foolish, such follies to gather :
There's many an honest man has worn the Bulls Feather.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 265

Though it be invisible, let no man it scorn,
Though it be a new Feather made of an old horn,
He that disdains it in heart or mind either
May be the more subject to wear the Bulls Feather.

He that lives discontent, or is in despair,
And feareth false measure, because his wife's fair :
His thoughts are inconstant, much like winter weather,
Though one or two want it, he shall have a Feather.

Bulls Feathers are common as Ergo in Schools,
And only contemned by those that are fools :
Why should a Bulls Feather cause any unrest,
Since neighbours fare alwaies is counted the best ?

Those women wh' are fairest, are likely to give it ;
And husbands that have them, are apt to believe it.
Some men though their wives should seem for to

They would play the kind neighbour, and give the

(Bulls feather.

Why should we repine that our wives are so kind,
Since we that are husbands are of the same mind ?
Shall we give them feathers, and think to go free ?
Believe it, believe it, that hardly will be.

For he that disdains my Bulls feather to day,
May light of a Lass that will play him foul play,


266 The Second Part of

There's ne'r a proud gallant that treads on Cows

But he may be cornuted, and wear the Bulls feather.

Though Beer of that brewing, I never did drink,
Yet be not displeased if I speak what I think,
Scarce ten in a hundred, believe it, believe it,
But either they'll have it, or else they will give it.

Then let me advise all those that do pine,
For fear that false jealousie shorten their time :
That disease will torment them worse than any feaver :
Then let all be contented to wear the Bul[l]s feather.

Old England turned New.

YOu talk of New England, I truely believe
Old England is grown new, & doth us deceive,
I'll ask you a question or two, by your leave,
And is not Old England grown new ?

Where are your old Souldiers with slashes and skars
That never used drinking in no time of wars,
Nor shedding of bloud in mad drunken jars ?
And is not, &c.

New Captains are come that never did fight,
But with Pots in the day, and Punks in the Night,
And all their chief care is to keep their swords bright,
And is not, &c.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 267

Where are your old Swords, your bills, & your bows,
Your Bucklers and Targets that never feared blows ?
They are turned to Steelettoes, with other fair shews,
And is not, 6<r.

Where are your old Courtiers, that used to ride
With forty blew-coats and footmen beside ?
They are turned to six horses [,] a coach [,] with a
And is not, 6<r. (guide,

And what is become of your old fashion Cloaths,
Your long-sided breeches, and your trunk hose ?
They are turned to new fashions, but what, the Lord
And is not, &>c. knows,

Your Gallant & his Taylor some half year together,
To fit a new suit to a new hat and feather,
Of Gold, or of Silver, silk, cloath, stuff, or leather,
And is not, &>c.

We have new fashion'd beards, and new fashion'd locks,
And new fashion'd hats for your new pated blocks,
And more new diseases besides the French pox,
And is not, 6<r.

New houses are built, and the old ones pull'd down,
Untill the new houses sell all the old ground,
And then the house stands like a horse in the pound.
And is not, 6<r.


268 The Second Part of

New fashions in houses, new fashions at table,
The old servants discharged, the new are more able,
And every old custome is but an old fable,
And is not, &c.

New trickings, new goings, new measures, new paces,
New heads for your men, for your women new faces,
And twenty new tricks to mend their bad cases,
And is not, &*c.

New tricks in the Law, new tricks in the holds, [Rouls]
New bodies they have, they look for new souls
When the money is paid for the building of Pauls,
And is not, 6<r.

Then talk you no more of New-England,
New-England is where Old England did stand, (man'd ;
New furnish'd, new fashion'd, new woman'd new
And is not Old England grown New.

A Merry Song.

COme Drawer, turn about the bowle
Till every soul has made a scrowle
As long as his arm :
Again, my boy, be filling still
Till every will has had his fill,
Twill keep us from harm :


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 269

For he that is copious, and doth freight with Sack,
Has the world at will, and doth nothing lack ;
He's richest then can drink off a Tun,
The bravest men that are under the Sun ;
Now the world is so giddy, that it scarce knows
To smell out the truth now it has lost its nose :
That has left behind a Pitiful case,
It smels, you'l find, in every place.

Then since he is happiest that drinks the most,
Joy, call mine Host, that honest tost,

He shall have his share ;
For interest we'll give him drink,
Now wine is chink, yet let him think

Our dealing is faire ;
For I'll maintain his reckoning's good.
Though we had drunk on tick since Noah's flood,
We'll clear it all in Platoes year,
You'l hear we shall be Catoes there :
Then he's an ass will spare for Chalk
To purchase Sack ; what e'r you talk,
He's not great, nor rich, nor wise ;
An errant Cheat does Wine despise.

A Scottish Covenant we'll take
To burn at stake, if not forsake

The old heresie
Of bowzing to a petticoat,
If healths of note we could not vote

Past any she, They

270 The Second Part of

They are but blazes, and soon are gone,
Fine trifles for us to play upon :
When we have nought, or little to do,
We'll have 'um brought, and tickle 'um too :
Mean time let us drink a Carouse to those
Who are neither the French nor the Spaniards foes,
For all our treasure is there in their Mines,
There's no pleasure here but in their wines.

The Contented.

PRay why should any man complain,
Or why disturb his breast or brain
At this new alteration ?
Since that which has been clone's no more
Than what has oft been done before,
And that which will be done again,
As long as there are ambitious men.
That strive for domination.

In this mad age there's nothing firm,
All things have period, and their term,
Their rise and declination ;
Those gaudy nothings we admire,
Which get above and shine like fire,
Are empty vapours raised from ground,
Their mock-shine past th' are quickly down,
Must fall like exhalation.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 271

But still we Commons must be made
A gaull'd, a lame, thin hackney Jade,
And all by turns will ride us ;
This side, or that no matter which,
For both do ride with spur and switch,
Till we are tired, and then at last
We stumble, and our riders cast,

'Cause they'd not feed nor guide us.

Th' insulting Clergy quite mistook,
Thinking that Kingdoms past by book,
Or Crowns were got by prating ;
'Tis not the black coat, but the red,
Has power to make, or be the head ;
Nor is it oaths, nor words, nor tears,
But Musquets and full Bandeleers
Have power of legislating.

The Lawyers must lay by their books,
And study Monck much more than Cooks;
The Sword is the Learned Pleader :
Reports and Judgements will not do't,
But 'tis Dragoons and Horse and Foot ;
Words are but wind, but Swords come home,
A stout tongued Lawyer is but a mome,
Compared to a stout file-leader.

Such wit and valour root all things,
They pull down, and they set up Kings,


272 The Second Part of

All Law is in their bosoms ;
That side is alwaies right that's strong,
And that that's beaten must be wrong :
And he that thinks it is not so,
Unless he's sure to beat 'um too,
He's but a fool to oppose 'm.

Let them impose taxes and rates,
J Tis but on them that have estates,
Not such as thou and I are :
But it concerns those wor[l]dlings which
At least are made, or else grow rich,
Such as have studied all their daies
The saving and the thriving waies,
To be the mules of power.

If they'l reform the Church or State,

We'll ne'r be troubled much thereat :

Let each man take his opinion,

If we don't like the Church, you know

Taverns are free, and there we'l go ;

And every one will be

As clearly unconcern'd as we,

They'l ne'r fight for domination.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 273

The indifferent.

WHat an Ass is he
Waits a womans leisure
For a minutes pleasure,
And perhaps may be
Gull'd at last, and lose her,
What an ass is he ?

Shall I sigh and die

'Cause a maid denies me,

And that she may try me,

Suffer patiently ?

O no ! Fate shall tye me, [? no Fate]

To such cruelty.

Love is all my life,
For it keeps me doing :
Yet my love and wooing
Is not for a Wife :
It is good eschewing
Warring, care, and strife.

What need I to care
For a womans favour ?
If another have her,

s Why

274 The Second Part of

Why should I despair,
When for gold and labour
I can have my share.

If I fancy one,
And that one do love me,
Yet deny to prove me,
Farewel, I am gone.
She can never move me,
Farewel, I am gone.

If I chance to see

One that's brown, I love her,

Till I see another,

That is browner than she,

For I am a lover

Of my liberty.

Every day I change,
And at once love many,
Yet not tied to any,
For I love to range,
And if one should stay me
I should think it strange.

What though she be old,
So that she have riches,
Youth and Form bewitches,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 275

But 'tis store of Gold
Cures lascivious itches,
So the Criticks hold.

A West-country Mans Voyage to New-

MY Masters give audience, and listen to me,
And streight che will tell you where che have
Che have been in New-England, but now cham come

Itch do think they shal catch me go thither no more.

Before che went o'er Lord how Yoke did tell
How vishes did grow, and how birds did dwell
All one mong, t'other [,] in the wood and the water,
Che thought had been true, but che find no such matter.

When first che did land che mazed me quite,
And 'twas of all daies on a Satterday night,
Che wondred to see the strong building were there,
'Twas all like the standing at Bartkolmew Fair.

Well, that night che slept till near Prayer time,
Next morning che wondred to hear no Bells chime,
And when che had ask'd the reason, che found
'Twas because they had never a Bell in the Town.

s 2 At

276 The Second Part of

At last being warned to Church to repair, (prayer,
Where che did think certain che sho'd hear some
But the Parson there no such matter did teach,
They scorn'd to pray, they were all able to preach.

The virst thing they did, a Zalm they did sing,

I pluckt out my Zalm book, which with me did bring[,]

Che was troubled to seek him, 'cause they call him by

But they had got a new Song to the tune of the same.

When Sermon was done was a child to baptize
About sixteen years old, as volk did surmise,
And no Godfather nor Godmother, yet 'twas quiet

and still,
The Priest durst not cross him for fear of his ill will.

A Sirra, quoth I, and to dinner che went,
And gave the Lord thanks for what he had sent ;
Next day was a wedding, the brideman my friend,
He kindly invites me, so thither I wend.

But this, above all, to me wonder did bring,
To see a Magistrate marry, and had ne'r a ring ;
Che thought they would call me the woman to give [,
But che think he stole her, for he askt no man leave.

Now this was new Dorchester as they told me,
A Town very famous in all that Country ;


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 277

They said 'twas new building, I grant it was true,
Yet methinks old Dorchester as fine as the new.

Che staid there among them till che was weary at

At length there came shipping, che got leave to de-
part :

But when all was ended che was coming away,

Che had threescore shillings for swearing to pay.

But when che saw that, an oath more che swore,
Che would stay no more longer to swear on the score ;

e bid farewel to those Fowlers and Fishers,
So God bless old England and all his well wishers.

A medicine for the Quartan Ague.

THe Aphorisms of Galen I count but as straws,
Profound Pispot-peepers be you all mute,
The old quartan feaver breaks all Physick-laws,
To help to cure it I think it is boot :
Perusing of late a wormeaten book,
Brought hither from Cinthia down in Charles's wain ;
A curious medicine out thence I took,
To cure the quartan Feaver again.

First choose a Physitian that will not exceed
Probatum est, speaking no more than he knows,

s 3 Who

278 The Second Part of

Who hath more skill in his tongue than his head ;
Who his Potions on Patients gratis bestows,
Three Midsummer moons in one, let him pray
To Apollo, and the Moon being full in the wane,
And Scola Salerna twice backward to say,

And it will cure the quartan Feaver again.

His Patients water then let him cast
In a pure Urinal of old August Ice,
And diet him strictly, no gross meats to eat,
But feed him with fancies, and antick device,
To walk every morning some eight miles or more,
Before Phoebus rises, in the sunshine,
And before he be up to be seen without door,
And 'twill cure, &c.

Then let him take from him nine drops and a half
Of purified bloud, but pierce not the skin,
Only open a vein in the heel of the calf,
Some half a year before the fit do begin ;
To sweat eleven minutes in an Oven let him lye,
Heat with a North wind, and a shower of rain,
And sleep every night with one half of an eye,
And 'twill cure, &>c.

To keep his body alwaies soluble and loose,
That he shall never fear to be subject to be bound,
Let him drink Woodcocks water in the quill of a


Merry Drollery, Complete. 279

And alwaies untruss when he goes to ground ;
Thus being prepared, let the Doctor proceed
With all other ingredients to conquer his pain,
And profess more Art than ere he did read,
To cure the quartan, &c.

Then let him take the wind of the wing of a Crane,
As he flies over Caucasus hill,
With the precious stone was in Gyges his Ring,
Mix them with three turns of an honest windmil,
Boyl these altogether from a pint to a quart
In a Travellers mouth whose tongue cannot feigne,
And having new din'd give him this next his heart,
And 'twill cure, 6<r.

Then three handfull take of Popes holy shadow,
When Sol is new entred into the dog : daies,
Three skreeches of an Owl [,] four kaws of a Jackdaw,
W T ith the brains and the heads of three ninepenny
Fry these together within a meal-sive, (nailes,

With the sweat of the south-side of a French bean,
And this to his Patient Morn & Even let him give,
And 'twill cure, &c.

Take three merry thoughts of a Bride the first night
She's to lye with her Groom, to purge melancholly,
Three gingles of the silver spur of a field Knight,
Four Puritan faces, not counterfeit holy,

s 4 Take

2 So The Second Part of

Take three youthful Capers of an old Oxe,
And thorough a joyned stool them let him strain,
And then drink the juice through a tail of a Fox,
And it will cure, &c.

Moreover, because I strive to be brief,
Take three honest thrums of a weavers shuttle,
Three snips of a Taylors sheers that's no thief,
A cut-purses thumb, with his horn and his whittle,
The mind of a miller that ne'r took a corn,
More than his due in grinding of grain,
Burn these all together with Jeeny red stalks,
And 'twill cure, &c.

And lastly, this counsel my old Author gives,
Take the bloud of a Beetle in the ayre as she flies,
Who, like a Physitian, of excrement lives,
And therewith let Empericks anoynt his quick eyes :
This being practised, he shall see soon
All natural mysteries perfect and plain,
And know as much Physick as the man in the moon
To cure the quartan feaver again.

A Catch.

NOw I am married, Sir John Til not curse,
He joyn's us together for better, for worse ;
But if I were single I tell you plain,
I would be advised ere I marri'd again.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 281

Of Levelling.

I Have reason to fly thee, & not to sit down by thee,
For I hate to behold one so sawcy and bold,
That derides and contemns his superiours ;
Your Madams and Lords,
With such manerly words,
With gestures that be
Fit for our degree
Are things that we and you
Do claim as our due
From all those that are our inferiours, (know,

For from the beginning there were Princes we
Tis your Levellers do hate 'cause they cannot be


All titles of honour were at first in the Donors,
But being granted away by that persons stay
Where he wore a small soul or a bigger,
There's a necessity
That there should be a degree,
Though Dick, Tom, and Jack,
Will serve you and your pack,
Where 'tis due we'll afford
A Sir John, or my Lord,
Honest DicKs name is enough for a digger ;

He that hath a strong purse may all things be, or
Be valiant, and wise, and religious too. (do,


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284 The Second Part of

Andromeda, whom Perseus lov'd,

Was foul were she in sight,
Her lineaments so well approv'd,

In praise of her I'll write.

Her hair not like the Golden wyre,

But black as any Crow,
Her brows so beetl'd all admire,

Her forehead wondrous low.

Her squinting, staring, gogling eyes

Poor Children do affright,
Her nose is of the Sarasens size ;

O she's a matchless wight.

Her Oven-mouth wide open stands,

And teeth like rotten pease,
Her Swan-like neck my heart commands,

And breasts all bit with Fleas.

Her tawny dugs, like two great hills,

Hang sow like to her waste,
Her body huge, like two wind-mills,

And yet she's wondrous chaste.

Her shoulders of so large a breadth,
She'd make an excellent Porter,

And yet her belly carries most,
If any man could sort her.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 285

No Shoulder of Mutton like her hand,

For broadness thick and fat,
With a pocky Mange upon her wrist :

Oh Jove! how love I that ?

Her belly Tun-like to behold,

Her bush doth all excell,
The thing that, by all men extoll'd,

Is wider than a well.

Her brawny buttocks, plump and round,

Much like a Horse of War,
With speckled thighs, scab'd and scarce sound ;

Her knees like Bakers are.

Her legs are like the Elephants,

The calf and small both one,
Her anckles they together meet,

And still knock bone to bone.

Her pretty feet not 'bove fifteens,

So splay'd as never was,
An excellent Usher for a man

That walks the dewy grass.

Thus have you heard my Mistris prais'd,

And yet no flattery us'd,
Pray tell me, is she not of worth ?

Let her not be abus'd.


286 The Second Part of

If any to her have a mind,
He doth me wondrous wrong,

For as she's beautious, so she's chaste,
And thus concludes my Song.

Sensual Delight.

A Re you grown so melancholly,
That you think of nought but folly ?
Are you sad, are you mad, are you worse,
Do you think want of chinck is your curse ?
Do you love for to have longer life, or a grave ?
Then this will cure you.

First I would have a bag of Gold,
That should ten thousand pieces hold,
And all that in your lap would I poure
For to spend on your friend or your whore, (lice,
For to play away at dice, or to shift you from your
And this will cure you.

Next I would have a soft bed made,
Wherein a Virgin should be laid
That will play any way you devise,
That will stick like an itch to your thighs,
That will bill like a dove, lie beneath or above,
And this will cure you.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 287

Next the bowl that Jove divine
| Drunk Nectar in, filPd up with wine
And all that, like a Greek, you should quaff
Till your cheeks they look red, and you laugh,
Unto Ceres, and to Venus, unto Bacchus, and Selenus,
And this will cure you.

Next seven Eunuchs should appear
Singing in Spheare-like manner here
In the praise of the wayes of delight,
Venus can use with man in the night,
When she seemeth to adorn Vulcans head with a
And this will cure you. (horn.

But if no gold nor women can,
Nor wine, nor Song make merry man,
Let the Batt be your mate and the Owle,
Let the pain in the brain make you howl :
Let the Pox be your friend, and the Plague be your
And this will cure you. (end.

On Captain Hick his Oxford yRasts.

SUblimest discretions, have clubd for expressions
Which are muster'd up here by our Captaine ;
Some staler, some milder, some tamer, some wilder,
And all in clean Linnen are wrapt in :


288 The Second Part of

Oxford University approves her self witty,

In Jests of more jovial concerning,
And jocose Apprehensions prefer their Inventions,

Before all the rest of her learning.

Here is choice, here is store, Eight Hundred or more

The Cream, and the Crown of all Jesting ;
All brave souls be Guests at this Banquet of Jests [:]
Lucullus had never such feasting.

Such wit here's exprest in every choice Jest

They'll make Mellanchollicus frolick,
And all those to forget to groan, and to fret,
That are troubled with Stone and the Chollick.

Will Sumners and Scoggin with Archee be Jogging[,]

Your Quirks and your Quibbles are folly :
No such rare Antidotes, ere took flight from the
'Gainst the poyson of black Mellancholly. (throats,


One reading a score did with laughter give o're
Or his broad sides had else split in sunder ;

At next Ordinary he with repeating of three
Made the wits at the board to knock under.

7 (turnies,

These will shorten the Journeys of Clarks and At-
With wits most refin'd Recreations,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 289

And when they are far remote from the Barr
We'll cheer up their hearts in Vacations.

8 (trades)

Now all you brave Blades leave your Shops & your
Your lying and sollemn protesting,

And if ever you'll thrive cease to drink, swear, &

And study the science of Jesting.


To Gratifie Jesters sinks Angells to Testers [;]

But here without fear of Expences,
You may pick, you may chuse, you may take or refuse

As suits with the moods, and the tences.

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Online LibraryJoseph Woodfall EbsworthMerry drollery compleat, being jovial poems, merry songs, &c. → online text (page 13 of 20)