Joseph Woodfall Ebsworth.

Merry drollery compleat, being jovial poems, merry songs, &c. online

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That none would lead her a dance :
For never a man durst touch her,

But only Will, the Butcher ;
He took her by the hand

And danc'd whilst he could stand ;
The Bride was fine and gay,

For the honour of Arthur of Bradly, Oh fine, &c.

Then out stept Will, the Weaver,

And he swore he'd not leave her ;
He hopt it all of a Leg,

For the honour of his Peg,
But Kester in Cambrick Ruffe,

He took that in snuff :
For he against that day

Had made himself fine and gay ;
His Ruff was whipt over with blew,

He cryed a new dance, a new ;
Then forward Piper and play,

For the honour of Arthur of Bradley, Oh fine, &c.

Then 'gan the Sun decline,

And every one thought it time
To go unto his home,

And leave the Bridegroom alone.


3 1 6 The Second Part of

To 't [,] to 't, quoth lusty Ned,

We'll see them both in bed :
For I will jeopard a joynt

But I will get his codpiece point :
Then strike up Piper and play,

For the honour of Arthur of Bradly, oh fine, &c.

And thus the day was spent,

And no man homeward went,
That there was such crouding and thrusting,

That some were in danger of bursting,
To see them go to bed :

For all the skill they had,
He was got to his Bride,

And laid him close by her side,
They got his Points and Garters,

And cut them in peeces like quarters ;
And then they bid the Piper play,

For the honour of Arthur of Bradley, oh fine, &c.

Then Will, and his sweet heart

Did call for Loath to depart,
And then they did foot it and toss it,

Till the Cook had brought up the posset,
The Bride-pye was brought forth,

A thing of mickle worth,
And so all at the bed-side

Took leave of Arthur and his Bride,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 317

And so they went all away

From the wedding of Arthur of Bradley, oh, &>c.


On the Printing of 'the Oxford Jests. \ ^


Tell thee Kit, where I have been,

Where I the rarest Jests have zeen,

O Jests without compare,
Zuch Jests again cannot be shewn,
In Oxford no nor Cambridge town ;

They be so very rare,


I yesterday did go to buy

A book, (thou know'st) for thee and I,

Of zomething that was pretty,
And when poor Robins Jests I zaw,
Methoughts they were old, and lean, and raw,

Not like his Almanachs witty.


I then did ask for the Oxford Jests,

Which Kit thou knowest came from the Brests,

Of our University ;
The man to me did then confess,
They were not yet come out o j th press,

Quoth I [,] the more's the pitty.


3 1 8 The Second Part of


At last he shew'd the very coppy,
Of that i'th press, I'm a very puppy

Kit, if e'er the like was zeen j
Before I half a score had read,
With laughing (if it may be zed)

I'd like to have broke my spleen.


I then did point to read 'urn o'er,
Zuch Jests I never heard before,

Fore George tis true our Kit;
And e'er that I had read 'um half
I found I was so great with laugh,

I thought my zides would split.


Then hey for Oxford 'now I zay [!]
Evaith I long to see the day

That they shall printed be ;
Then thee and I will each buy one,
For our two sweet hearts Nell and Jone,

For Mirth and Mellodie,

A Catch.

THere was three Cooks in Colebrook,
And they fell out with our Cook,
And all was for a pudding he took,
And from the Cook of Colebrook.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 319

There was swash Cook, and flash Cook,
And thy Nose in my Narse Cook,
And all was for a pudding he took,
And from the Cook of Colebrook.
Then they fell all upon our Cook,
And numbled him so, that he did look
As black as the pudding which he took,
And from the Cook of Colebrook.


The Blacksmith.
F all the Sciences beneath the Sun.

Which have been since the world begun,
The Smith by his art great praise hath won,
Which no body can deny.

The fairest Goddess in the skies
To marry with him did devise,
That was a cunning Smith and wise,
Which no body, &c.

Then Mars came down for Venus sake,
The Smith he did his armour make,
In love together he did them take,
Which no body, dr*c.

The first that ever Musick made
Was Tubal of the Blacksmiths Trade,


320 The Second Part of

By hammering strokes as it was said,
Which no body, 6^.

He did invent continually
The Iron work for the Country,
A Smith for mirth and husbandry,
Which no body, &c.

What Occupation can you name,
But first the Smith must help the same,
With working tools their work to frame ?
Which no body, &c.

What horse can post to carry news,
But first the Smith sets on his shooes,
With Spur and Stirrop for mens use ?
Which no body, 6<r.

What Ship upon the Sea can sail,
If Iron work in her do fail,
Though Anchor hold 'twill not prevail ?
Which no body, &c.

What can you build with lime or stone
If Iron-work therein be none ?
Smiths make for houses many a one,
Which no body, 6r.

How can you go to Plough or Cart,
Except the Smith do play his Part,
With Coulter and Shaire made well by Art,
Which no body, 6<r.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 321

The Axletree Pin, the plowing Chain,
The Bill, the Axe, the Wedges twain,
The Pitchfork, and the Dung-fork plain,
Which no body, drc.

The Butchers Axe, the Shooe-makers Awl,
The cutting knives on every stall,
That lies to cut and carve withall,
Which no body, &c.

The Coopers Adds, the Brewers Slings,
The Carpenters Tools for many things,
The plyers for the Goldsmiths Rings,
Which no body, &c.

Your Tongs, your Spits, Trevits, and Racks,
And many other things that lacks,
And for your houses pretty Knacks,
Which no body, &<r.

Weights and Skales to buy and sell,
A thousand things I need not tell,
The Smith hath matched all things so well,
Which no body, 6^.

I could rehearse a thousand things,
Of iron Bars, Bolts, and Pins,
Latches, Catches, Staples, Rings,
Which no body, &c.

x He

322 The Second Part of

He makes all several kinds of Locks,
For horses, for doors, for Chest, for Box,
For houses, and for Churches Clocks,
Which no body, &c.

Your fire Irons, small and great,
Your pothooks, and forks so fine and neat,
Your Jack that turns your spits of meat,
Which no body, &c.

Your Paviours Pickax, great and small,
Your Pattens for women, low and tall ;
Your Shovel and Spade to work withall,
Which no body, 6<r.

Your branding Iron to brand your Kine,
Your Clappers for Bells to ring and chime,
Your stamps for Gold and Silver fine,
Which no body, &c.

The horses Bits, that finely gingle,
The Barbers Tools, that is so nimble,
The Taylors sheer, his Bodkin and thimble,
Which no body, &c.

And for all weapons for the fight
The Smith I am sure makes such a sight,
So long, so strong, so fair, so bright,
Which no body, 6*v.


Merry Dr oiler ie, Complete. 323

Bills, Pikes, Dags and Guns,
Halberts, Spears, and many things,
Through the hammer of the Smith all come,
Which no body, &c.

To love the Smith all Trades are bound,
Which make him thus to be renown'd,
For which his hammers they are crown'd,
Which no body, 6<r.

Of Smiths now living at this hour,
There was a Smith within the Tower
Which might be counted for a flower,
Which no body, 6

Thus of my Song I make an end,
The Smith is every bodies friend,
He seeks his Country to defend,
Which no body can deny.

A North Country Song.

Hen Ise came first to London Town,
Ise wor a Novice, as other men are ;
se thought the King had liv'd at the Crown,
And the way tol heaven had been through the star.
x 2 Ise


3 24 The Second Part of

Ise set up my horse, and Ise went to Pauls,
Good Lord, quoth I, what a Kirk been here ?

Then Ise did swear by all Kerson souls,
It wor a mile long, or very near,

It wor as high as any Hill,

A Hill, quo I, nay as a Mountain,
Then went Ise up with a very good will,

But glad wor I to come down again.

For as Ise went up my head roe round.

Then be it known to all Kerson people,
A man is no little way fro the ground,

When he's o' th' top of all Pauls steeple.

Ise lay down my hot, and Ise went to pray,

But wor not this a pitious case,
Afore I had done it wor stolen away, (place ?

Who'd have thought theeves had been in that

Now for my Hot Ise made great moan.

A stander by unto me said,
Thou didst not observe the Scripture aright,

For thou mun a watcht, as well as pray'd.

From thence Ise went, and I saw my Lord Mayor,
Good lack [!] what a sight was there to see,

My Lord and his horse were both of a hair,
I could not tell which the Mare should be.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 325

From thence to Westminster I went,
Where many a brave Lawyer I did see,

Some of them had a bad intent,

For there my purse was stoln from me.

To see the Tombs was my desire,

I went with many brave fellows store [,]

I gave them a penny that was there hire,
And he's but a fool that will give any more.

Then through the rooms the fellow me led,

Where all the sights were to be seen,
I And snuffling told me through the nose,

What formerly the name of those had been.

i Here lies [,] quoth he, Henry the Third,

Thou li'st like a knave, he saies never a word ;
And here lies Richard the Second interred,
And here stands good King Edwards Sword.

Under this Chair lyes Jacobs stone,
The very same stone lies under the Chair,

A very good jest, had Jacob but one,

How got he so many Sons without a pair ?

I staid not there, but down with the tide
I made great haste, and I went my way ;

For I was to see the Lions beside,
And the Paris-garden all in a day.

x 3 When

326 The Second Part of

When Ise came there, I was in a rage,
I rayl'd on him that kept the Bears,

Instead of a Stake was suffered a Stage
And in Hunkes his house a crue of Players.

Then through the Brigg to the Tower Ise went,

With much ado Ise entred in,
And after a penny that I had spent,

One with a loud voice did thus begin.

This Lyon's the Kings, and that is the Queens,
And this the Princes that stands here by,

With that I went neer to look in the Den [:]
Cods body, quoth he, why come you so nigh ?

Ise made great haste unto my Inne,
I supt, and I went to bed betimes,

Ise slept, and I dream'd what I had seen,
And wak'd again by Cheapside Chimes.

The Merry Goodfellow.

WHy should we not laugh and be jolly,
Since all the World is mad ?
And lulFd in a dull melancholly ;
He that wallows in store
Is still gaping for more,
And that makes him as poor,
As the wretch that ne'er anything had.


Merry Drollery, Complete. 327

How mad is that damn'd money-monger ?
That to purchase to him and his heirs
Grows shriviled with thirst and hunger ;

While we that are bonny,

Buy Sack with ready-money,
And ne'er trouble the Scriveners, nor Lawyers.

Those guts that by scraping and toyling,

Do swell their Revenues so fast,

Get nothing by all their turmoiling,
But are marks of each taxe,
While they load their own backs
With the heavier packs,

And lye down gall'd and weary at last.

While we that do traffick in tipple,
Can baffle the Gown and the Sword,
Whose jaws are so hungry and gripple,

We ne'er trouble our heads

With Indentures or Deeds,
And our wills are compos'd in a word.

Our money shall never indite us,
Nor drag us to Goldsmiths Hall,
No Pyrats nor wracks can affright us ;

We, that have no Estates,

Fear no plunder nor rates,

We can sleep with open gates,

He that lies on the ground cannot fall.

x 4 We

328 The Second Part of

We laugh at those fools whose endeavours
Do but fit them for Prisons and Fines,
When we that spend all are the savers ;
For if the thieves do break in,
They go out empty agin,
Nay, the Plunderers lose their designs.

Then let us not think on to morrow,
But tipple and laugh while we may,
To wash from our hearts all sorrow ;
Those Cormorants which
Are troubled with an itch,
To be mighty and rich,
Do but toyl for the wealth they do borrow.

The Mayor in our Town with his Ruff on,

What a pox is he better than me ?

He must vail to the man with his Buff on ;
Though he Custard may eat
And such lubbardly meat,

Yet our Sack makes us merrier than he.

The Rebels Reign.


Ow we are met, in a knot, let's take t'other pot,

And chirp o'r a Cup of Nectar ;
Let's think on a charm to keep us from harm,
From the Fiend, and the new Protector.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 329

Heretofore at a brunt a Cross would have done \
But now they have taken courses, (left

With their Laws and their theft, there's not a cross
In the Church, nor the Farmers purses.

They're with you to bring for a stuffing at a King,

For now you must make no dainty,
To have your nose ground on a stone turned round

By Nol, and one and twenty.

But our Rights are kept for us in Oliver's store-house
'Twere as good they were set in the stocks ;

They are just in the pickle in the thirtieth Article,
Like Jack in a Juglers box.

We are loth to look for the Saints in a book,

But would not a man be vext,
To see them so rough with the blades and their buff,

But not a word on't in the Text.

We have been twelve years together by the ears

To prepare for a spiritual raign :
Men were never so spic'd with the Scepter of Christ

In the hands of a Saint in grain.

Twas brew'd in their Hives by Citizens wives,

Who ventured their husbands far,
With Robin the fool there was ne'r such a tool

To lead in the womens war.


33O The Second Part of

He was ill at Command, but worse at a stand,

So they sought out another more able :
Then Fair, undertakes, but Nol keeps the stakes,

And sends away Fox with a bauble.

Wil) Conqueror the second, without his host reck-

And so did Brown billet his Mate:
They made a great noise mongst women and boys,

But now they are both out of date.

Cowardly W had but a foule Fortune,

And wanted a knife to scrape it,
When his Oriphice ran there was no mortal man,

But omnibus horis sapit

BradshaW) the Knave, sent the King to his grave,

And on the bloud Royal did trample,
For which the next Lent he was made President,

And ere long may be made an example.

Dorislaus did steer to Hans mine beer,

And Askew to Don at Madril, (patcht,

Ere a man could have scratcht they were both dis-

Yet there they lye Leger still.

Martin and St. Johns, and more with a vengeance,

Had each a finger i'th' pye :
Some for the money, and some for the Conny,

And some for they knew not why.



Merry Drollerie, Complete ', 331

The Parliament sate as snug as a Cat,
And were playing for mine and yours :

Sweep-stakes was their Game till Oliver came,
And turn'd it to knave out of doors.

Then a new one was cast, and made up in hast,

But alas [!] they could do no more
Than empty our purse, and empty us worse

Than e'r we were marred before.

But in a good hour they gave up their power

To one that was wiser than they ;
By common consent 'twas the first Parliament

That ever wa,sfefo de se.

After all this Jeer we are never the near,
There sits one at the helm commanding ;

One that doth us nick with a trick for our trick,
And the stone in our foot notwithstanding.

He'l not relax one groat of the Tax
Though it come to more than he need,

He may keep it in store till his need be more,
'Tis an Article of our new Creed.

So well he hath wrought, that now he hath brought
The Realm to the manner he meant it ;

The Fishes, and the fowl, and the divel and all
And the monthly pay his high rent.


332 The Second Part of

All this we must bear, but 'twould make a man swear
When they call us a reformed Nation :

It can never sink into my head for to think
That this is a Reformation.

3 Tis the man in the Moon, or the divel as soon,

Our Laws are asleep upon shelves :
Our Charter and Freedom we may bid God speed 'urn,

'Tis well we can beg for our selves.

Since Nol hath bereft us, and nothing hath left us,
Not a Horse or an Oxe to plough land ;

Let Oliver pass, come fill up my glass,
And here's a good health to Rowland.

A Catch.

HAve you observ'd the wench in the street,
She's scarce any hose or shooes to her feet ;
And when she cries, she sings,
I have hot Codlings, hot Codlings.

Or have you ever seen or heard,
The mortal with his Lyon tauny beard !

He lives as merrily as heart can wish,
And still he cries, Buy a brush, buy a brush.


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 333

Since these are merry, why should we take care ?

Musitians, like Camelions, must live by the Aire ;
And let's be blithe and bonny, & no good meeting

balk, (Chalk.

What though we have no money, we shall find

A new Medley.

The English. T Et the Trumpet sound,

I ^ And the Rocks rebound,
Our English Native's coming ;

Let the Nations swarm,

And the Princes storm,
We value not their drumming.
'Tis not France, that looks so smug,
Old fashions still renewing,
It is not the Spanish shrug,
Scottish Cap, or Irish rug ;
Nor the Dutch-mans double jug
Can help what is ensuing ;
Pray, my Masters, look about,
For something is a Brewing.

He that is a Favorite consulting with Fortune,
If he grow not wiser, then he's quite undon ;
In a rising creature we daily see certainly,
He is a retreater that fails to go on :


334 The Second Part of

He that in a builders trade
Stops e're the roof be made,
By the Air may be betray'd

And overthrown :
He that hath a race begun,
And lets the Goal be won ;
He had better never run.

But let 't alone.

Then plot rightly,

March sightly,
Shew your glittering Arms brightly :

Charge hightly ;

Fight sprightly j
Fortune gives renown.

A right riser

Will prize her,
She makes all the world wiser ;

Still try her,

Well gain by her,
A Coffin or a Crown.

If the Dutchman or the Spaniard

Come but to oppose us,

We will thrust them up at the main-yard
If they do but nose us :

Hans, Hans, think upon thy sins,

And then submit to Spain thy Master ;

For though now you look like friends,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 335

Yet he will never trust you after ;
Drink, drink, give the Dutchman drink,
And let the tap and kan run faster ;
For faith at the last I think
A Brewer will become your Master.

Let not poor Teg and Shone

Vender from der houses,

Lest dey be quite undone

In der very Trouses :

And all der Orphans bestow'd under hatches,

And made in London free der to cry matches ;

St. Patrick wid his Harp do tun'd wid tru string

Is not fit to unty St. Hewsoris shooe-strings.

Methinks I hear

The welch draw near,
And from each lock a louse trops ;

Ap Shon, ap LLoyd,

Will spend her ploot,
For to defend her mouse-traps :
Mounted on her Kifflebagh
With cott store of Koradagh,
The Prittish war begins.

With a hook her was overcome her,
Pluck her to her, thrust her from her,
By cot her was break her shins.

Let Taffie fret,

And welch-hook whet


336 The Second Part of

And troop up petigrees,

We only tout

Tey will stink us out,
Wit Leeks and toasted Sheeze.

But Jockie now and Jinny comes,

Our Brethren must approve on't ;

For pret a Cot dey bert der drums

Only to break de Couvenant.

Dey bore Saint Andrew's Cross,

Till our army quite did rout dem,

But when we put dem to de loss,

De deal a Cross about dem :

The King and Couvenant they crave,

Their cause must needs be further'd [,]

Although so many Kings they have

Most barbarously, basely murthered.

The French. The Frenchman he will give consent,
Though he tickle in our veins ;

That willingly

We may agree,
To a marriage with grapes and grains :

He conquers us with kindness,

And doth so far entrench,
That fair, and wise, and young, and rich,

Are finified by the French :
He prettifies us with Feathers and Fans,

With Petticoats, Doublets, and Hose,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 337

And faith they shall

Be welcome all
If they forbear the nose.

For love or for fear,

Let Nations forbear ;
If Fortune exhibit a Crown,

A Coward he

Must surely be,
That will not put it on.

A Catch.

SHew a Room, shew a Room, shew a Room,
Here's a Knot of Good fellows are come,
trhat mean for to be merry
-Vith Clarret and with Sherry ;

,ach man to mirth himself disposes,

.nd for the Reckoning tell Noses ;

rive the Red-Nose some White,

.nd the Pale-Nose some Clarret,

iut the Nose that looks Blew,

rive him a Cup of Sack, 'twill mend his hew.


The Contented.

Hy should a man care, or be in despair,
Should Fortune prove never so unkind ?
Y [Or]

3 3 8 The Second Part of

Or why should I be sad for that I never had,
Or foolishly trouble my mind ?
For I do much hate to pine at my Fate,
There's none but a fool will do so :
I'll laugh and be fat, for care kills a Cat,
And I care not howe're the world go.

Though I am poor, and others have store,
Why should I repine at their bliss ?
For I am content with what God hath sent,
And I think I do not amiss :
Let others have wealth, for I have health,
And money to pay what I owe,
I'll laugh, and be merry, and sing hey down, down
For I care not, 6<r. (derry.

Some men do suppose, even by their gay Cloaths,
For to be in great request ;
Though mine be but bare, I am not o' th j show,
And I think myself honestly drest;
Though every man cannot say so,
I like that I wear, though it cost not so dear,
For I care not, &c.

Your Epicure eats of the best sort of meat
And wine of the best he doth drink,
And laies him to rest, and thinks himself blest,
On heaven he never doth think ;


Merry Drollery, Complete. 339

Though my fare be but course, I am not the worse,
My health is the better I know ;
Though plain be my food, my stomach is good,
And I care not, 6<r.

Your flattering Curs, that fawn upon Furs,
And hang at Noble mens ears,
If once they do fall, away they run all,
And this is their flattering fears :
Dissembling I scorn, for I am free born,
My happiness lies not below ;
Though my words want Art, I speak from my heart,
I care not, 6<r.

Some men do strive, and mightily thrive,
And some for Offices wait,
Much money they spend, and to little end,
And repent then when it's too late ;
Low shrubs are secure, when Cedars endure
preat storms and tempests below,
Let others look high, for so will not I,
And I care not howe're the world go.

How to live happy.

HE that a happy life would lead
In these times of distraction,
*t him listen to me, and I will read
Lecture without faction ;

Y 2 Let

340 The Second Part of

Let him want three things, whence misery springs,
They all begin with a letter,

Let him bound his desires to what nature requires,
And with reason his humour fetter.

Let not his wealth prodigious grow,

For that breeds cares and dangers ;

Makes him envied above and hated below,

A constant slave to strangers ;

They are happiest of all whose estates are but small,

Though but enough to maintain them,

They may do, they may say, having nothing to pay,

It will not quit cost to arraign them.

Nor would I have him clogg'd with a wife,

For household cares incumber,

Nor to one place to confine his life,

Cause he can't remove his Lumber ;

They are happiest far who unmarried are,

And forrage, and all in common,

From all storms they can flye, or if they should die,

They mine no child nor woman.

Let not his brains or'flow with wit,

That capers o'r discretion,

It's costly to keep, and hard to get,

And dangerous in the possession

They are happiest men that can scarce tell ten,


Merry Drollerie, Complete. 341

And beat not their brains about reason, (serve,

They may speak what will serve themselves to pre-
And their words are not taken for treason.

But of all fools there's none to the wit,

For he takes pains to shew it,

His pride and his drink bring him into a fit,

Then streight he turns a Poet :

His jests he flings at States, or at Kings,

Or at Plays, or at Bays, or at shadows,

Thinks a Verse serves as well as a Circle or Cell,

Till he rimes himself to the Barbadows.

He that within these Lines can live,

May baffle all disasters,

To Fortune and Fate commands he can give,

Who[m] Wor[l]dlings call their Masters ;

He may sing, he may quaff, he may drink, he may

May be mad, may be sad, may be jolly, (laugh,

He may sleep without care and speak without fear,

And laugh at the world and its folly.

A Catch.

Hat Fortune had I, poor Maid as I am,
To be bound in eternal vow,
For ever to lye by the side of a man,
That would, but knows not how ?

Y 3 Oh


342 The Second Part of

Oh can there no pity
Be in such a City,
Where Lads enough are to be had.

Unfortunate Girl, that art wed to such woe,

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