Joseph Woodfall Ebsworth.

Merry drollery compleat, being jovial poems, merry songs, &c. online

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rAffie was once a Cod-a-mighty of Wales,
But her Cosin O. P. was a Creature,
!ome into her Country, Cods-splutter-anails,
Her take her welch-hook and her beat her ;
'er eat up her Sheese, Turkey and Geese,
Her Pig and her Capon did die for't,

i Ap



130 Merry Dr oiler ie,

Ap Robert, ap Evan, ap Morgan, ap Stephen,
But Shinkin and Powel did flie fort,



OHone, O Hone, poor Irish Shon
Must howl and cry :
Saint Patrick help thy Country-man,

Or faith and troth we dye ;
The English still doth us pursue,

And we are forc'd to flee :
Saint Patrick, help[!] we have no Saint but thee,
Let's cry no longer, O hone, a Cram a Cree.

The English.

A Crown, a Crown, make room.
The English man doth come,
Whose Valour is taller than all Christendom;
The Spanish, French, and Dutch, Scots, Welch and

(Irish grutch,

We fear not, we care not, for we can deal with such \
When you did begin in a Civil War to waste,
Ye thought that our Tillage your Pillage should be

(at last;
And when that we could not agree, you did think

(to share our fall,

But ye do find it worse, ne'er stir : for we shall noose

(ye all,'
A



Complete. 131



A quarrel betwixt Tower-Hill and
Tyburne.

I'LL tell you a Story that never was told,
A tale that hath both head and heel,
A.nd though by no Recorder inrolFd,
I know you will find it as true as steel.

When General Monck was come to the Town,
A little time after the Rump had the rout,

When Royalty rose, and Rebellion fell down,
They say, that Tower-hill and Tyburn fell out

|)uoth terrible Tyburn to lofty tower-hill,
Thy longed-for days are come at last,

\nd now thou wilt dayly thy belly fulfill
With King-killers bloud whilst I must fast.

The High Court of Justice will come to the Bar,
There to be cooked and dressed for thee,

Vhilst I, that live out of Town so far,
Must only be fed by Fellony.

!f Treason be counted the foulest act,

And a dying be a Traitors due,
''hen why should you all the glory exact ?

You know, they are fitter for me than you.

i 2 To



132 Merry Drollerie,

To speak the plain truth, I have groan'd for them
For when they had routed the Royal Root, (long,

And done the Kingdom so much wrong,
I knew at last they would come to't.

. When Tychburne sate upon the Bench,

Twirling his Chain in high degree,
With a beardless Chin, like a Withered Wench,

Thought I, the Bar is fitter for thee.

But then, with stately composed face,

Tower-hill to Tyburne made reply
Do not complain, in such a case

Thou shalt have thy share as well as I.

There are a sort of Mongrils, which

My Lordly Scaffold will disgrace :
I know Hugh Peters his fingers itch

To make a Pulpit of the place.

But take him Tyburne, he is thine own,

Divide his quarters with thy knife,
Who did pollute with flesh and Bone

The quarters of the Butchers wife.

The next among these Petticoat-Peers

Is Harry Martin, take him thither,
But he hath been addle so many years,

That I fear he will hardly hang together.

There's



Complete. 133

Ihere's Hacker, zealous Tom Harrison too,

That boldly defends the bloudy deed,
He practiseth what the Jesuites do,

To murder his King, as a part of his Creed.

There's single-ey'd Hewson the Cobler of Fate,

Translated into Buff and Feather,
But bootless are all his seams of State

When the soul is ript from the upper-leather.

Is this prophane mechanical blood

For me that have been dignifi'd
IVith Loyal Laud and Straffords blood,

And holy Hewet, who lately dy'd.

)o thou contrive with deadly Dun

To send them to the River of Stix,
Tis Pitty, since those Saints are gone ;

That Martyrs and Murtherers bloud should mix.

Then do not fear me that I will

Deprive thee of that fatall Day :
Tis fit those that their King did kill

Should hang up in the Kings high-way.

Vty Priviledge, though I know it is large,

Into thy hand I freely give it,
"or there is Cook, that read the Kings charge,

Is only fit for the divels tribute.

i 3 Then



134 Merry Drollerie,

Then taunting Tyburn, in great scorn,
Did make Tower-hill this rude reply :

So much ranke bloud my stomack will turn,
And thou shalt be sick as well as I.

These Traytors made those Martyrs bleed
Upon the Block, that thou dost bear,

And there it is fit they should dye for the deed ;
But Tower-hill cryed, they shall not come there.

With that grim Tyburn began to fret,

And Tower-hill did look very grim :
And sure as a club they both would have met,

But that the City did step between.

The New Exchange.

I'll go no more to the Old Exchange,
There's no good Ware at all,
But I will go to the New Exchange,

Called Haberdashers Hall :
For there are choice of Knacks and Toyes

The fancy for to please,
For men and maids, for Girls and boyes,

And a Trap for Lice and Fleas ;
There you may buy a Holland Smock

That's made without a gore,
You need not stoop to take it up,
For it is button'd down before.

The



Complete. 135

The finest Fashions that are us'd,

And Powders that excell,
And all the best and sweet perfumes

To rarifie the smell ;
The curious rich Vermilion Paint

That maids of beauty hold,
And Alabaster driven snow

Is there to be bought and sold.
And there, 6<r.

The broad-brim'd Beaver which is made

Most curious, soft, and fine,
Will be a shadow in the face

When as the Sun doth shine ;
Fine Feathers and Ribbons you may have

For to wear about the Crown ;
Black Patches for the face also,

O, the best in all the Town ;
For there, &c.

There is curious powder' d Periwigs,

And new-cut fashion'd gloves,
With Bodkins, Thimbles, and gold Rings,

As men do give unto their Loves \
There's curious Books of Complements,

And other fashions strange,
That never a place in all the Land

Is like the New Exchange,

For therej 6^

1 4 Great



136 Merry Dr oiler ie,

Great Flanders-Laces, large and white,

Are common to be sold,
And Silver Laces, very broad,

And some that's made of Gold ;
Both Knives and Sizers, sharp and keen,

And Kerchies very fair,
Within the Change are dayly sold,

For pretty maids to wear ;
There you, &c.

Fine Silken Masks, and new French hoods,

To shrowd the foulest face,
And every thing that costly is,

Is present in this place ;
There's Spanish Needles, Points, and Pins,

And curious balls of Snow,
That doth perfume the stinking breath,

And makes them wholsome too ;
And there, &c.

There's precious Oyles to cleanse the teeth,

And Purges for the Brain,
And Antidotes to make the Nose

Both safe and sound again ;
All precious Flowers may be had,

And rich Perfumed Spice
To make your houses all

To smell like Paradice ;

And there, &c.

For



Complete. 137

For one that hath a fluent tongue

You may have medi[ci]nes good ;
And there is searching Physick too,

To purge corrupted blood ;
You there may purifie the skin,

And cure the tickling itch,
For he is the best esteem'd of all

That is both free and rich ;
And there, &c.

Besides these fashions, strange and true,

There's other things most rare.
Which are the witty, pretty maids

All bound as Servants there :
Whose heavenly look invites the eyes

Of gallant Gentlemen,
To buy some curious Knack or Toy,

And then they'll come agen ;
And there, &c.

The bravest Lords and Ladies all

Do thither much resort,
And buy the fashions that are us'd,

And daily worn at Court ;
For Private profit, divers times,

Some upstart Gentlemen walk,
And take new fashions up on trust,

And nothing pay but Chalk

And there, &C.

Let



138 Merry Drollerie,

Let me invite those that intend

To follow fashions strange,
With speed to go to Londons pride,

Now called the Exchange ;
Where choice and store of things most rare

For money may be had,
Besides a gallant bonny Lass

To serve a lively Lad ;
There you may have a Holland Smock

That's made without a gore,
You need not stoop to take it up,

For 'tis button'd down before.



A Medley.

LEt's call, and drink the Cellar dry,
Here's nothing sober underneath the sky,
The greatest Kingdoms in confusion lye :
Since all the world grows mad, why may not I ?

My fathers dead, and I am free,
He left no Children in the World, but me,
The divel drank him down with Usury,
And I'll repine in Liberality.

When first the English War began

He was, Sir Reverence, a Parliament man,

And gain'd his wealth by Sequestration,

Till



Complete. 139

Till Oliver begun
|To come with Sword in hand, & put him to the run.

jThen Royallists, since you are undone
iSo by the Father, come home to the Son,
I Whom Wine and Musick now do wait upon,
We'll tipple away a Tun,

And drink our Woes away, Cavaliers come on, come

(on.

Heres a health to him that may
Do a trick that shall advance us all,
And beget a merry Jovial day.

Fill another boule to he
That hath drank by stealth

His Landlords health
If his Spirit and his Tongue agree.

The Land shall Celebrate his Fame,
All the World imbalm his name,
No Royal Right, Good Fellow,
But will Sackifie the same ;
The Bells all merrily shall ring,
All the Town shall dance and sing,
More delight than I can tell ye,
When we see this Royal Spring
We'll have Ladies by the belly,
And a snatch at t' other thing.

Wee's



140 Merry Drollerie,

Wee's be bonny and jolly,

Quaff, Carrouse, and Reel :

We'll play with Peggy and Molly,

Dance, and kiss, and Feel ;

Wee's put up the Bagpipe and Organ,

And make the Welch Harp to play, (day ;

Till Mauris ap Shinkin ap Morgan frisk on St. Taffies

Hold out Ginny, Piper come play us a spring,

All you that have Musick may tipple, dance, and sing.

Tet [Let] the French Monsieur come and swear,

Intreut Monsieur, \Entraii\

Dis is de ting ve long to hear so many year ;
Dancing will be lookt upon ;
Begar his dancing days be done
When de Flower-de-luce grows
With de English Crown and Rose ;
Dat's very good, as we suppose,
De French can live without a Nose.



A cup of old Stingo.

T Here's a lusty liquor which
Good fellows use to take,
It is distilPd with Nard most rich,

And water of the Lake ;
Of Hop a little quantity,

And



Complete. 141

And Barm to it they bring too.
Being barrell'd up, they call it a cup
Of dainty good old Stingo.

'Twill make a man Indentures make,

'Twill make a fool seem wise,
'Twill make a Puritan sociate,

And leave to be precize :
; Twill make him dance about a Cross,

And eke run the Ring too,
Or any thing that seemeth gross,

Such vertue hath old Stingo.

'Twill make a Constable oversee

Sometimes to serve a warrant,
'Twill make a Baylif lose his Fee,

Though he be a Knave- Arrant ;
'Twill make a Sumner, though that he

Unto the bawd men brings too,
Sometimes forget to take his Fee,

If his head be lin'd with Stingo.

'Twill make a Parson not to flinch,

Though he seem wondrous holy,
But for to kiss a pretty Wench,

And think it is no follie ;
'Twill make him learn for to decline

The Verb that's called Mingo,

. 'Twill



142 Merry Drollery,

'Twill make his Nose like Copper shine,
If his head be lin'd with stingo.

'Twill make a Weaver break his yarn,
That works with right and left foot,

But he hath a trick to save himself,
He'll say, there wanteth woofe to't ;

'Twill make a Taylor break his thread,
, And eke his Thimble ring too,

'Twill make him not to care for bread
If his head be lin'd with stingo.

'Twill make a Baker quite forget

That ever corn was cheap,
'Twill make a Butcher have a fit

Sometimes to dance and leap ;
'Twill make a Miller keep his Room,

A health for to begin too,
'Twill make him shew his golden thumb,

If his head be lin'd with stingo.

'Twill make an Hostis free of heart,

And leave her measures pinching,
'Twill make an Host with liquor part,

And bid him hang all flinching ;
It's so belov'd, I dare protest,

Men cannot live without it,
And where they find there is the best,

The Most will flock about it.

And



Complete. 143

And finally, the beggar poor,

That walks till he be weary,
Craving along from door to door

With pre commiserere :
If he do chance to catch a touch,

Although his cloaths be thin too,
Though he be lame he'll prove his Crutch,

If his head be lin'd with Stingo.

Now to conclude, here is a health

Unto the Lad that spendeth,
Let every man drink off his Can,

And so my Ditty endeth ;
I willing am my friend to pledge,

For he will meet me one day ;
Let's drink the Barrel to the dregs,

For the Mault-man comes a Munday.

Of the Nose. (j

THree merry Lads met at the Rose

To speak in the praises of the Nose :

The Nose that stands in the middle place

Sets out the beauty of the Face,
The Nose with which we have begun

Will serve to make our verses run :
Invention often barren grows.
Yet still there's matter in the Nose.

The



H4 Merry Drollerie,

The Nose his end's so high a prize
That men prefer't before their eyes,

And no man counts him for his friend
That boldly takes his Nose by the end :

The Nose that like Uripus flowes,
The Sea that did the wiseman pose,
Invention often, &c.

The Nose is of as many kinds
As Mariners can reckon winds ;

The long, the short, the Nose displayd,

The great Nose, which did fright the maid ;

The Nose through which the Brother-hood,
Do parly for their Sisters good,
Invention often, &c.

The flat, the sharp, the Roman Snowt,
The Hawkes Nose circled round about,

The Crooked Nose that stands awry,
The Ruby Nose of Scarlet dye,

The brazen Nose without a Face

That doth the Learned Colledge grace,
Invention often, &c.

The long Nose when the teeth appear
Shews what's a Clock if day be clear ;

The broad Nose stands in a Bucklers place,
And takes the blows for all the face ;

The



Complete. 145

The Nose being plain without a Ridge,
Will serve sometimes to make a Bridge.
Invention often, &c.

The short Nose is the Lovers bliss,

Because it hinders not a kiss ;
The toteing Nose, O monstrous thing !

That's he that did the bottle bring,
And he that brought the bottle hither

Will drink (O monstrous !) out of measure.
Invention often, &c.

The Firie Nose in Lanthorn stead
May light his Master home to bed,

And whosoever this Treasure owes

Grows poor in purse though rich in Nose :

The Brazen Nose that's o'er the gate
Maintains full many a Latin Pate.
Invention often, &c.

If any Nose take this in snuff,

And think it more than enough ;
We answer them, we did not fear,

Nor think such Noses had been here :
But if there be, we need not care,
A nose of Wax our Statutes are.
Invention now is barren grown,
The Matter's out, the Nose is blown.

K The



130 [146] Merry Drollerie,



The Angler.

OF all the recreations which
Attend to humane Nature,
There's nothing soars so high a pitch

Or is of such a stature,
As is the subtil Anglers life

In all mens approbation,
For Anglers tricks do daily mix

With every Corporation,
When Eve and Adam liv'd in Love

And had no cause of Jangling,
The Divel did the Waters move,

The Serpent went to Angling :
He baits his hook with god-like look,

Thought he, this will intangle her,
The woman chops, and down she drops ;

The Divel was first an Angler.

Physicians, Lawyers, and Divines

Are most Ingenious J anglers,
And he that tries shall find in fine

That all of them are Anglers ;
Whilst grave Divines do fish for souls,

Physicians (like Cormugeons)
Do bait with health, to fish for wealth,

And Lawyers fish for Gudgeons.



Complete. [147] 131

A Politician too is one

Concerned in Piscatory,
He writes, he fights, unites and slights

To purchase wealth and glory ;
His Plummet sounds the Kingdoms bounds

To make the Fishes nibble,
His Ground-bait is a past of lies

And he blinds them with th' Bible.

Upon the Exchange 'twixt twelve and one

Meets many a neat Intangler,
'Mongst Merchant-men not one in ten

But is a cunning Angler :
For like the Fishes in the Brook

Brother doth swallow Brother,
A Golden-bait hangs at the Hook,

And they fish for one another.

A Shop-keeper I next Prefer

A formal man in black Sir,
He throws his Angle every where,

And cryes, what is't you lack Sir,
Fine Silks or Stuffs or Hoods or Muffs ?

But if a Courtier prove the Intangler,
My Citizen must look to't then,

Or the Fish will catch the Angler.

A Lover is an Angler too,

And baits his Hooks with kisses,

K2 He



148 Merry Drollerie,

He plaies, he toyes, he fain would do,

But often times he misses;
He gives her Rings and such fine things

A Fan and Muff and Night-hood :
But if you cheat a City pate,

You must bait your hook with Knight-hood.

There is no Angler like a Wench

Stark-naked in the water,
Shel make you leave both Trout and Tench

And throw your self in after ;
Your Hook and Line she will confine,

Then tangled is the intangler,
And this I fear hath spoyl'd the ware

Of many a Jovial Angler.

But if you! Trowl for a Scriveners soul

Cast in a rich young Gallant,
To take a Courtier by the pole,

Though in a Golden Tallent :
But yet I fear the draught will ne'er

Compound for half the charge an't,
But if you'l catch the Devil at a snatch

You must bait him with a Sergeant.

Thus have I made my Anglers Trade

To stand above defiance,
For like the Mathematick Art,

It runs through every Science :

If



Complete. 149

If with my Angling Song I can

To Mirth and pleasure seize you,
Fie bait my hook with Wit again,

And Angle still to please you.

Of the two Amorous Swains.

TOM and Will were Shepherds Swains
Who lov'd and lived together,
Till fair Pastora grac'd the Plains,

Alas ! why came she thither :
Tom and Will fed several Flocks ;

Yet felt both one desire ;
Pastords Eyes and comely Locks
Set both their hearts on fire.

Tom came of a gentle race

By Father and by Mother,
Will was noble, but alass

He was a younger Brother !
Tom was toy-some, Will was sad,

No Hunts-man nor no Fowler,
Tom was held the properer Lad,

But Will the better Bowler.

Tom would drink her health and swear

The Nation could not want her,
Will would take her by the Eare

And with his Voice enchant her :

K 3 Tom



134 [ i S ] Merry Drollerie,

Tom kept alwaies in her sight

And ne'er forgot his duty,
Will was witty and would write

Sweet Sonnets on her Beauty.

Yet which of them she loved best,

Or whether she lov'd either ;
'Twas thought they found it to their cost

That she indeed lov'd neither :
Yet she was so sweet a she

So pleasing in behaviour,
That Tom thought he, and Will thought he

Was chiefest in her favour.

Pastora was a lovely Lass

And of a comely feature,
Divinely good and fair she was,

And kind to every Creature :
Of favour she was provident :

And yet not over-sparing,
She gave no loose encouragment,

Yet kept men from despairing.

When tatling fame had made report

Of fair Pastora 's beauty,
Pastora 's sent for to the Court,

For to perform her duty ;
And to the Court Pastorals gone,

It were no Court without her,

The



Complete. [151] 135

The Queen of all her Train had none
Was half so fair about her.

Tom hung his Dog, and flung away

His Sheep hook, and his Wallet ;
Will broke his Pipes, and Curst the day

That ere he made a Ballet ;
Their Nine-pins and their bowls they brake,

Their Tunes were turn'd to Tears ;
'Tis time for me an end to make,

Let them go shake their Ears.

Sweet rest in the Grave.

Wake all you deadf,] what Ho[l] what Ho[!]
How soundly they sleep whose Pillows lie low ;
They mind not your lovers who walk above
On the decks of the world in storms of Love,
No whisper now, no Glance can pass
Through wick[et]s or through panes of Glass,
For our Windows and Doores are shut and Barfd [;]
Lie close in the Church and in the Churchyard,

In every grave, make room, make room,
The world's at an end, and we come, we come.
The State is now, Loves foe, Loves foe,
Has seiz'd on his Arms, his Quiver and Bowe,
Has pinion'd his Wings, and fetter'd his feet,
Because he made way for Lovers to meet \

K 4 But



152 Merry Drollerie,

But oh sad chance, his Judge was old ;

Hearts cruel grow, when blood grows cold [:]
No man being young, his Process would draw,
Oh Heavens that Love should be subject to Law,

Lovers go wooe the dead the dead !

Lie two in a grave, and to bed, to bed.



The Production of the Female

X~ Kind.

j/

THere is a certain idle kind of Creature,
By a foolish name, we call a woman ;
A pox upon this little old whore Nature ;
That e're she brought this Monster to undo man ;
Many have wondred how it came to pass,
But mark, and I will tell you how it was :

When first she brought forth man, her son and heir,
The Gods came all one day to gossip with her,
Her husband, Lenus, proud to see them there,
Drank healths apace to bid them welcome thither,
Till drunk to bed he went, and in the fit
He got the second child, this female Chit.

The Privy Council of the Heavens and Planets,
Whose wisdom governs all Affairs on Earth,
Held many consultations in their Senates
What should become of this prodigious Birth,

At



Complete. 153

A.t length agreed to give these strange formallities
A.S many strange and correspondent quallities.

Saturn, gave -sullenness ; Jove, soveraignity ;

Mars, sudden wrath, and unappeased hate ;

Sol, a garish look, and a wanton eye ;

Venus, desires and Lusts insatieties ; [? insatiate ;]

Meratry, craft, and deep dissembling gave her ;

Luna, inconstant thoughts, still apt to waver.

The Bow-G00se.

THe best of Poets write of Frogs,
Some of 'Ulysses charmed Hogs,
And some of Flies, and some of Dogs
In former Ages told :
Some of the silver Swan in Prose,
Though mine be not a Swan, what though ?
It was a Goose was brought from Bow
To Algate.

As harmless, and as innocent
She was as those that with her went ;
Nor do I think the watchmen meant
More sillier than She ;
She gave them never a word at all,
But only rested on a stall,
And yet these Cannibals did fall,
About her.

But



138 [ 1 54] Merry Drollerie,

But she with silence there stood still,
Till he perceived each mans bill,
Desiring them not use them ill
That lookt so like them all :
Then they disdaining, did begin
To bring us all into a gin,
And then the Constable came in,
And took us.

To him they straight reveal' d the case,
And vow'd each man to quit his place,
If we were suffered to disgrace
The Kings Lievtenant so :
And then the Ganders eminence
The Goose and us commanded thence,
And made us graduates commence
The Counter.

We thither went, but then my Goose,
Which pinion'd was before, got loose,
For having her within a noose
What fear had they of her ?
Then into every room we went,
And here and there our money spent
Untill the Constable had sent
Next morning.

We summoned were for to appear
Before an Alderman, I swear,



Complete. [!SS] J39

That might have been that very year
Lord Maior for his wit :
He tooke our Gooses case in hand,
And all things with such Judgement scan'd,
That having done, we scarce could stand
For laughing.

For he did not only reprehend
Our follies, but did much commend
The Constable, his honest friend,
For his good service done ;
How is that noble City blest
With Officers above the rest,
That now may add unto their Crest
My Bow Goose ?

But now, with grief, I'll tell you what,
My Goose that was before so fat,
That might have been accepted at
A Maior or Sheriffs own boord,
Grew lanck and lean, and straight so ill,
That from her wings she shed a Quill,
Desiring me to write her Will,
Which I did.

Then thus my dying Goose began,
Unto the Reverend Alderman
I do bequeath my brain-sick pan,

And all that it contains :

And



156 Merry Dr oiler ie,

And Master Constable, to you
My empty head, which is your due ;
My Bill I'll give the cursed crue
Your Watchmen.

I do bequeath my bodies trunk
Unto Good Fellows for the Rump,
Desiring that it may be drunk
In Clarret and Canary :
I pray discharge your company
All such as shall Recusants be
To drink a health in memory
O' th' Bow-Goose.

My Giblets to the City Cook
That dwels not far from Pasty-nook,
That he unto my Corps may look,
And coffin't in a Crust ;
My guts for Marshal red-face save,
To hang about his neck so brave,
That on his Palfrey the proud Knave
May swagger.

And to my fellow prisoners all,
That now here are, or ever shall,
That come to lye within this wall,
I give my heavy heart ;
My claws and pinions I do give
Unto the Serjeants and Sheriff,



To



Complete. 157

To catch and pinion them that live
Indebted.

And furthermore, it is my will
The City Clerk shall have a quill
Such learned speeches to write still,


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Online LibraryJoseph Woodfall EbsworthMerry drollery compleat, being jovial poems, merry songs, &c. → online text (page 8 of 20)