M. (T.) Antrim.

Knocks witty, wise and .. online

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Antrim, M. "T.

Knocks witty, v/ise,
and -







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Copyright, A. D. 1905, by
George W. ]acobs 6 Co.
Poblished October. 1905.

O C 1 E T Y !

Snub, snicker,
sneer, sniff.

That's all

A m

T takes oceans of t\me
and barrels of money to be a
consistent sinner. ^ ^

RIDGE'* is to
Daughter of Mammon all that
**Crap" is to a Son of Ham. ww

JHLii^^ IFE may be short, but a
smart woman manages to get lots
in, and out of it. ■ b

OT every woman may be
a Princess, but it's a stupid woman
who cannot be one man's *' Queen."

EN who love deeply are

unselfish. Few men are unselfish.

HERE is nothing like

an empty stomach to quicken the
desire to earn your own bread*

OWARDS are not invari-
ably liars, but liars are invariably
cowards. # #

w h o

marry great geese must not
expect to father: Jittle swans

EOPLE who live in stone
houses should never throw glasses.

F your wife had only

married that model man, what a
good time you might be having. »•


JgmL "STRAIGHT" worldling
is more to be respected than a biased
Christian. • •

HEN short, borrow every
cent your friends can ** spare**; it
won't take long to pay it back.

ARRIAGE is a lottery in

which all women are eager to take
a chance. ■ ■

LADY and her maid
can outlie two

ONG tongues and short
tempers are usually mated. • •

ON*T toady. However, da
not differ too loudly from those in


^ILJ^ E polite. Perhaps your
family won't mind if you practice
upon them. • •

OYE is misery well sweet-
ened, and divided between two
adults of different sex. •!•


F Love "gives wit to

men", it takes wisdom from women.

HEN cheek meets
cheek, thed
comes the tug
for more.

COFFERS at marriage

are Iil;3 blind men sneering at | the

9 •

CLEVER liar is invari-
ably careful.


T takes a dainty woman

to be a sweet little liar!

■ ■

ANY a man is a hero to
his wife who is several kinds of a
coward to others. a a

HE man-eatincj monster
in matrimonfal waters is — Selfish-
ness. • •

■JUPOT every young wife can
Jbe her husband's ** first love,"
tut she can be his last — if he
dies soon enough. m m

^LJi^ ETTING into Society is
easy; all you have to do is to invent
it a new folly. Getting out is easier;

all you have to do is — nothing.

V^AME? Pull with the Press.

HEN a man marries, his
wife's troubles begin. ■ ■

HE mornincf after will
ye painless if the night before has
been calm. a ■

wo powerful destroyers

of conjugal felicity: Whine and Per-
versity. ■ I


marriage 15 a contract to quarrel
for [He. M m

OVE dies oftener from

over-feeding than from mal-nutrition,

EN flatter because they
know women are strong believers
in reciprocity, m m


T'S often very expensive

to think out loud. ♦ ♦

AN'S love of verity is
never so touchingly manifest as
when his wife consults him regard-
ing her looks* ca

^^JW PINSTERS comfort
themselves with the certainty that
there will be no patronizing married
women in heaven, ♦ ♦

LD age is the devil

who terrorizes beautiful women.

ILL that a good cry is to
a woman, a round swear is to an
an^ry man-. • •

HE pangs of love are
awful. Few men, however^
need an anaesthetic. ^ ^^

LITTLE woman Is as
capable as a big man when it comes
to "raising Cain'M ■ ■


bored, say the

wrong thing

to the right

person at

^^^the wrong

^\time, and





E may die to slow masic,

but most of us like to live in rac(-time.

AGNER? Bans 111

OSBANDS sometimes

want the last word; wives always
do. The wives win. ♦ 4

MAN'S man is always
a woman's man, but a woman's
man Is rarely a man's man*

HEN a woman is too III
to read about balls and barcfains,
she is indeed in danger.

• •


^ mL SMARTyoungwom-^^
an can concoct more ways of spends
in^ a fortune than a brace of old
brokers can to make one. • #

KITTENISH child is
adorable, but a kittenish woman
always suggests "cat." ,,

'HE atmosphere of love is
mostly hot air.

HE tragedies of married
life are comedies to the "Sinner.*'
The comedies are tragedies to the
"Saint." 4 4

T takes considerable
>raitis to sin artistically; a finished
sintier is rarely found out. m m

matters: If your claim is bad, get
a good lawyer; if your claim is good,
a bad lawyer is good enough. . ^

EN are never as good
as their mothers think, nor as bad
as their enemies say. o a

Jg^ HE conventional man
objects to his wife smoking cigar-
ettes. The conventional woman
objects to her husband smoking
cigarettes. He smokes

• •

OVE is credulity
multiplied by' two ^ ^

HE woman who hesitates
i$ bos*$ed. ^^

Your follies will exhaust your tear-
bac(. m m

VE never cared a fig leaf

for Public Opinion.

• •

BRIDE considers all
Spinsters^martyrs and all bachelors
churls. ■ ■


lANY who "thank their

God ** are talking to themselves.

HEN a Liar meets a
Gossip, he bows with great

EBT is the pitiless wheel

that grinds and grinds and — grinds !

LL'S flare in love
and war.

F Junk should give out,

what would we do for "Art"!

TS all right to say what
you think if you think all
right. - • •

ARRIAGE/* "Mirage"

— how alike!

• •

ASTY marriages usually
begin with a inarch and end with a
gallop* m m

N proportion to public
dears'' are private "damns"
amonc( c(ushinc( mates. • •

HERE is no fool like

an old mule

N amazincf quantity of
good woman ^oes to waist. ■ ■

HE best housekeepers are

often the worst home-makers. ■

OW many cyclones

would be averted if words would
fail us at the proper moment! » •


Receipted bills.

HE "Bridge" of Fashion

often becomes the "Bridcje of Sighs".

O not forget to leave
cards upon certain occasionSt but
never leave them whilst yoa hold
a winning hand, ■ *

HE limited express to
Hades is scarcely speedy enough for
a wife who '*don*t care". ■ ■

1TTLE be-
devilments ignite
love's ardors.
Big bedevil-
ments put
them out.

ARRIAGE is the art of
learnincf to stay good by contract.

EFORM is always in

order for the other fellow.

MAN marries the girl; a
widow marries the man. • •

plain women carry free transporta*
tien to heavem m m


^BL P she has skill to manip-
ulate her past, and solidify her
present, any smart woman may
have a future. ♦ ♦

FFINITY is powder,
proximity is the match and you
are the fool ^ ^

HE Devil is no snob;
neither has he a lazy bone in his
body. ^ ^

HE LODGE" is to
man all that "a headache"
is to woman.

INK twice before you


GR grandmothers
** listened to the mocking bird '*: we
listen to the mocking herd« ■ ■

RAP — a vehicle. Trap-

per — a little widow.

• •

OVE is the dawn of joy,

Marriage its noon, Divorce its night

NE who forgets at will
has a marvelous future. ♦ ♦

OBSTER? Yoar rival.

WOMAN'S way out of
an embarrassing position is hyster-
ics ; a man'Sr the door. • •

lAMONDS are eager

pleaders at the court of love.

PPAREL is important.

To wear too many clothes, costs a
lot of money; to wear too few, often
costs more. . .

OCIETY Is composed of
the Quick (who are very

two sets

fast) and the Dead— ly

■ ■

ADY Folly's score: One
glass — frisky; two — foolish; three —
flippant; four — gone I 4 4

B 000 013 284 5

L^:^.'- ^>


Online LibraryM. (T.) AntrimKnocks witty, wise and .. → online text (page 1 of 1)