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M. (T.) Antrim.

Knocks witty, wise and .. online

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Copyright, A. D. 1905, by
George W. ]acobs 6 Co.
Poblished October. 1905.




O C 1 E T Y !

Snub, snicker,
sneer, sniff.



That's all



A m




T takes oceans of t\me
and barrels of money to be a
consistent sinner. ^ ^




RIDGE'* is to
Daughter of Mammon all that
**Crap" is to a Son of Ham. ww



JHLii^^ IFE may be short, but a
smart woman manages to get lots
in, and out of it. ■ b





OT every woman may be
a Princess, but it's a stupid woman
who cannot be one man's *' Queen."




EN who love deeply are



unselfish. Few men are unselfish.




HERE is nothing like



an empty stomach to quicken the
desire to earn your own bread*




OWARDS are not invari-
ably liars, but liars are invariably
cowards. # #




w h o

marry great geese must not
expect to father: Jittle swans




EOPLE who live in stone
houses should never throw glasses.




F your wife had only



married that model man, what a
good time you might be having. »•



71

JgmL "STRAIGHT" worldling
is more to be respected than a biased
Christian. • •




HEN short, borrow every
cent your friends can ** spare**; it
won't take long to pay it back.




ARRIAGE is a lottery in



which all women are eager to take
a chance. ■ ■



LADY and her maid
can outlie two
^ers.





ONG tongues and short
tempers are usually mated. • •





ON*T toady. However, da
not differ too loudly from those in
power



R

^ILJ^ E polite. Perhaps your
family won't mind if you practice
upon them. • •




OYE is misery well sweet-
ened, and divided between two
adults of different sex. •!•



J



F Love "gives wit to



men", it takes wisdom from women.



HEN cheek meets
cheek, thed
comes the tug
for more.





COFFERS at marriage

are Iil;3 blind men sneering at | the
light.



9 •




CLEVER liar is invari-
ably careful.



J



T takes a dainty woman



to be a sweet little liar!



■ ■




ANY a man is a hero to
his wife who is several kinds of a
coward to others. a a




HE man-eatincj monster
in matrimonfal waters is — Selfish-
ness. • •




■JUPOT every young wife can
Jbe her husband's ** first love,"
tut she can be his last — if he
dies soon enough. m m



^LJi^ ETTING into Society is
easy; all you have to do is to invent
it a new folly. Getting out is easier;



all you have to do is — nothing.





V^AME? Pull with the Press.




HEN a man marries, his
wife's troubles begin. ■ ■




HE mornincf after will
ye painless if the night before has
been calm. a ■




wo powerful destroyers



of conjugal felicity: Whine and Per-
versity. ■ I




FASHIONABLE



marriage 15 a contract to quarrel
for [He. M m




OVE dies oftener from



over-feeding than from mal-nutrition,





EN flatter because they
know women are strong believers
in reciprocity, m m



J



T'S often very expensive



to think out loud. ♦ ♦




AN'S love of verity is
never so touchingly manifest as
when his wife consults him regard-
ing her looks* ca



^^JW PINSTERS comfort
themselves with the certainty that
there will be no patronizing married
women in heaven, ♦ ♦





LD age is the devil



who terrorizes beautiful women.




ILL that a good cry is to
a woman, a round swear is to an
an^ry man-. • •




HE pangs of love are
awful. Few men, however^
need an anaesthetic. ^ ^^




LITTLE woman Is as
capable as a big man when it comes
to "raising Cain'M ■ ■





H EN

bored, say the

wrong thing

to the right

person at

^^^the wrong

^\time, and

things

may

liven

up.




E may die to slow masic,



but most of us like to live in rac(-time.





AGNER? Bans 111




OSBANDS sometimes



want the last word; wives always
do. The wives win. ♦ 4




MAN'S man is always
a woman's man, but a woman's
man Is rarely a man's man*




HEN a woman is too III
to read about balls and barcfains,
she is indeed in danger.



• •




2f

^ mL SMARTyoungwom-^^
an can concoct more ways of spends
in^ a fortune than a brace of old
brokers can to make one. • #




KITTENISH child is
adorable, but a kittenish woman
always suggests "cat." ,,




'HE atmosphere of love is
mostly hot air.




HE tragedies of married
life are comedies to the "Sinner.*'
The comedies are tragedies to the
"Saint." 4 4




T takes considerable
>raitis to sin artistically; a finished
sintier is rarely found out. m m




ONCERNING legal
matters: If your claim is bad, get
a good lawyer; if your claim is good,
a bad lawyer is good enough. . ^




EN are never as good
as their mothers think, nor as bad
as their enemies say. o a



Jg^ HE conventional man
objects to his wife smoking cigar-
ettes. The conventional woman
objects to her husband smoking
cigarettes. He smokes



• •




OVE is credulity
multiplied by' two ^ ^




HE woman who hesitates
i$ bos*$ed. ^^




Your follies will exhaust your tear-
bac(. m m




VE never cared a fig leaf



for Public Opinion.



• •




BRIDE considers all
Spinsters^martyrs and all bachelors
churls. ■ ■



f^



lANY who "thank their



God ** are talking to themselves.





HEN a Liar meets a
Gossip, he bows with great
deference.




EBT is the pitiless wheel



that grinds and grinds and — grinds !





LL'S flare in love
and war.




F Junk should give out,



what would we do for "Art"!




TS all right to say what
you think if you think all
right. - • •





ARRIAGE/* "Mirage"



— how alike!



• •





ASTY marriages usually
begin with a inarch and end with a
gallop* m m




N proportion to public
dears'' are private "damns"
amonc( c(ushinc( mates. • •




HERE is no fool like



an old mule




N amazincf quantity of
good woman ^oes to waist. ■ ■




HE best housekeepers are



often the worst home-makers. ■




OW many cyclones



would be averted if words would
fail us at the proper moment! » •




EAVEN!!



Receipted bills.




HE "Bridge" of Fashion



often becomes the "Bridcje of Sighs".




O not forget to leave
cards upon certain occasionSt but
never leave them whilst yoa hold
a winning hand, ■ *




HE limited express to
Hades is scarcely speedy enough for
a wife who '*don*t care". ■ ■




1TTLE be-
devilments ignite
love's ardors.
Big bedevil-
ments put
them out.




ARRIAGE is the art of
learnincf to stay good by contract.





EFORM is always in



order for the other fellow.




MAN marries the girl; a
widow marries the man. • •





XTRAORDINARILY
plain women carry free transporta*
tien to heavem m m



I

^BL P she has skill to manip-
ulate her past, and solidify her
present, any smart woman may
have a future. ♦ ♦





FFINITY is powder,
proximity is the match and you
are the fool ^ ^




HE Devil is no snob;
neither has he a lazy bone in his
body. ^ ^




HE LODGE" is to
man all that "a headache"
is to woman.




INK twice before you



Speak.




GR grandmothers
** listened to the mocking bird '*: we
listen to the mocking herd« ■ ■




RAP — a vehicle. Trap-



per — a little widow.



• •





OVE is the dawn of joy,



Marriage its noon, Divorce its night




NE who forgets at will
has a marvelous future. ♦ ♦




OBSTER? Yoar rival.




WOMAN'S way out of
an embarrassing position is hyster-
ics ; a man'Sr the door. • •




lAMONDS are eager



pleaders at the court of love.




PPAREL is important.



To wear too many clothes, costs a
lot of money; to wear too few, often
costs more. . .




OCIETY Is composed of
the Quick (who are very



two sets

fast) and the Dead— ly



■ ■




ADY Folly's score: One
glass — frisky; two — foolish; three —
flippant; four — gone I 4 4



B 000 013 284 5




L^:^.'- ^>





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Online LibraryM. (T.) AntrimKnocks witty, wise and .. → online text (page 1 of 1)