Frederic Chopin; his life, letters, and works (Volume v.1) online

your eyes off her ! If that is so, confound it

Do not make light of my confidence, but I only

write to you for my own sake ; you are not worth

the trouble. Now you know all my thoughts.

When you are in your room with your old friends

Rostowski, Schuch, Freyer, Kyjewski, and Hube,

imagine that I am enjoying myself with you, but

oh ! I feel so strange in writing to you here. It



FEELS LONELY IN VIENNA. igi

seems as if I were with you, and what I see and
hear around me only a dream. The voices to which
my ear is unaccustomed seem to me only like the
rattling of a carriage, or some other unimportant
sound. Only your or Titus's voice could wake me
out of my stupor. To-day, life and death are
indifferent to me. Say nothing of this to my parents.
Tell them that I am in capital spirits, that I want
for nothing, am enjoying myself gloriously, and never
feel lonely. Tell her the same, if she laughs at me,
but if she asks kindly -after me, and seems anxious
about me, whisper to her not to be uneasy, but say
that I am very lonely and unhappy away from her.
I am not well, but do not tell my parents. All my
friends are asking what ails me; "humour," I some-
times say, but you know what is really the matter.

At the end of next month I shall go to Paris, if
things remain quiet there. There is no lack of
amusements here, but I very seldom care to partici-
pate in them. Merk, the first violinist in Vienna,
has promised me a visit. This is the first of January.
Oh, what a sad beginning of the year for me ! I
love you dearly. Write as soon as possible. Is
she at Radom ? Have you built forts ? My poor
parents ! How are my friends ? I would die for
you, for any of you. Why am I condemned to stay
here, lonely and forsaken ? You who are together,
can comfort one another in these fearful times. Your
flute will have enough to mourn over ? How my
piano will weep itself out !



w^.



192 LIFE C CHOPIN.



You write that you a. ^. .-^g to take . .e field with
your regiment; how wi.. you forward the letter?
Do not send it by a messenger ; be careful ! My
parents might — they might misunderstand.

Once more I embrace you. You are going to the
war ; come back a colonel. May all go well ! Why
can I not at least be your drummer ? Excuse this
rambling letter, for I feel quite dazed.

Your faithful

FREDERIC*



* This letter, written on two loose sheets, was found en-
closed in one to his parents, which had no envelope, and was
only slightly sealed. Frederic had written under the direction
these words to his sisters, "You are requested not to break the
seal, and not to be inquisitive, like old women."




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