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PRESIDENT GRANT



-%D-



POLITICAL RINGS



A SATIRE.



BY P. CUDMORE. ESQ.,

COUNSELOK AT LAW.



Author of the ** Civil Government of the States , and

the Constitutional History of the United States^"

the ** Irish Republic^*' etc., etc.



NetD Yorfe :

For Sale by P. J. KENEDY, No. S Barclay Street.

1880.



President Grant



AND



Political Rings



A SATIRE.






BY P; CUDMORE. ESQ.,



COUNSELOR AT LAW.



Author of the " Civil Government of the States, and the

Constitutional History of the United States,"

the "Irish Republic," etc., etc.



■ New York :

For Sale "by P. J. KENEDY, No. 5 Barclay Street.

1880.



^(^T>H ^






Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1S80,

By p. CUDMORE,

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.



PRESIDENT Grant :

A SATIRE.



Appomattox surrender made Grant a hero —
He was dubbed a Scipio and a Caesar —
He was not noble, great, nor even grand,
His selfish avarice was his god !
With Johnson he jsroved a double dealer
And joined a ring of Eepublican schemers.
In 1868 for President he was then run —
As a candidate both deaf and dumb.
Of all the spirits that Christ scourged
The dumb devil was hardest to purge.
Grant displayed cutming and deceit,
In his letter of " Let us have peace."
When in power, peace was then treason.
His argniment was th' bullet and bayonet
Before election it was his proud boast,
That he had no " policy of his own,"
But when in office he changed his tone.
By him th' Constitution was o'erthrown.
His word was law — and avarice his rule ;



As the mother hen gathers her chickens under her wing—
The President's pardon was a good thing —
And as the hen to her chicks doth cluck.
Grant with his pardon th' birds did hush up.
When McKey was caged th' Democrat did rant,
And Grant was afraid they'd cage his Bab.,
And that th' jail birds would blab, blab, blab.
Bristow and the courts did Bab. alarm —
He'd a military commission in Chicago.
Hancock and others — good men and true men,
Sent Bab. and his imps back to St. Louis ;
Judge Treat was fiUing up the prison.
And as a dead weight Grant sent 'em Dillon.
"When Grant saw that Bab. would be caged,
He trembled for Orville — his heart did ache.
Off to St. Louis his detective did hie,
To steal from the XJ. S. Attorney evidence on file-
Whiskey conspirators weren't then alarmed,
For the President withdrew th' " State's-evidenco pirdoa."
Because Gen. Custer testified 'gainst the ringers,
He was sent on th' plains to be scal^^ed by Indians.
The Attorney-Gen'riil, the vile old sinner,
Listead of prosecuting Bab. became his defender,
The President's x>ower — oh, jury and Dillon,
Bab. th' whiskej^ conspirator was finally acquitted —
The power of the President was so great,
Bab.'s indictment was hushed up for ''■blowing up a safe."
And before the President's term did end,
He opened th' jail-door and let the birds out to sijig.
In 1875, Grant and his vde abettors,



Electioneered for a Presidential third term ;

If he'd got a third he'd want a fourth one,

He'd be a dictator hke Caesar or Napoleon.

His imperial airs were so unusual,

That he would play Caesar in the futm-e —

His military power was so despotic,

That th' people feared th' man on horseback.

A third nomination doubtless he'd win,

But for Belknap, Babcock, and the whiskey ring.

His mihtary renown was daily waning,

Before Congressional Committee investigation.

The people's confidence in Grant had diminished,

When they saw the President shielding whiskey ringers.

In 187G, Jim Blaine made a great splurge,

In Congress he flaunted his bloody shirt.

He would be nominated for President, certain,

But for the lobbyists and " Mulligan letters."

Morton, Butler, and other wily knaves,

" Put up the job " to slaughter Jim Blaine.

Between Kepubhcan aspu-ants rivahy was great —

As a compromise candidate they ran Hayes.

Grant feared that by Tilden he'd be investigated.

He tried to carry the election by soldiers and bayonets.

Instead of keeping the army at the Black Hills,

He sent them South to bulldoze " the colored men."

Grant proved a traitor in the " AlaUama Claims,"

A dupe in San Domingo and Samana Bay.

In 1869 Grant joined in the bond-holders plan,

By signing the bill for the bond- hoi ding clan.

A bill for paying the five-twenties in gold.



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rims, out of the Treasury millions were stole.

In 1873 Grant sliowed his mean folly,

By demonetizing our silver dollar.

When Grant was President, the people were alarmed,

^Vlien the Southern States were governed by satraps,

Carpet-bag governors he upheld by bayonets,

In South Carolina, Scott, Moses and ChamberlaiiL

In Louisiana his " mihtary rule " was despotic.

The baUot-box was overthrown by KeUogg and Packard.

Eepublican papers cried " Oh, Hambui'g!"

In South Carohna rifle clubs were disbanded,

His military orders were despotic, unusual —

A violation of State rights and the Constitution.

On the State Governors Grant did frown,

He'd sujoplant self-government by military power.

In his Southern policy he stood alone.

He knew no laws but military force —

In his pohcy to protect "the colored man,"

He put the South under military ban.

Grant, the tyrant, triumphed o'er the law,

Like Pisastratous, he had a body-gniard.

To use intimidation and bribery at the ballot-box.

Federal officers were taxed by Chandler and Cameron.

From the North there was a carpet-baggers' flood

Of men who left theu' country for their country's good.

For during this fierce political strife.

Carpet-baggers robbed the people — "black and white."

To pui-ge the carpet-bag rule from the Southern States,

Caused the colored stampede to Tilden from Hayes.

After election the Republicans found it out,



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That Grant's misrule united the " Solid South"

Bepubhcans grief and spite were very great,

"When they found Tilden elected over Hayes.

Grant, Chamberlain and Cameron, and other rogues,

Kept Tilden out of office by " Beturning Boards."

Grant's tactics was a military display, •

To buU-doze the Democrats and inaugurate Hayes

His mihtary display alarmed the Nation ;

In South Carolina he ousted the legislature,

In Louisiana he followed up his military tactics.

With troops he sup^oorted Kellogg and Packard.

Chandler and Cameron laid the wires and ropes,

To get fraudulent certificates from Beturning Boards.

In Florida, South Carolina, carpet-bag States,

Fraudulent electors were returned for Hayes.

"When the Bepublicans found themselves beaten,

They cried out " bull- dozing " and " intimidation !'

The canvassing-boards, their deputies and clerks,

Had contested returns compiled in the dark.

The Beturning Board of the State of Louisiana, '

Offered to sell out for a miUion dollars.

In South Carohna, Florida and Louisiana,

The Beturning Boards ousted towns and parishes.

In the three last mentioned carpet-bag States,

Democratic parishes were thrown out to give certificates to

Hayes.
Grant was the first President to employ military law,
Hayes the first President chosen by fraud.
In the memorable year of the Nation's Centennial,
There were two Presidential aspirants, Hayes and Tilden.



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The Democrats said they elected Tilden and Hendricks,
The Kepublicans said that Grant would make Hayes win-
ner.
The fear of another war had alarmed the Nation,
The peoi)le feared the presidential question would end with

bayonets'.
They said that fifteen would settle our political trouble.
The Democrats squu'med under eight to seven.
Tilden and Hewitt thought they were a match for Hayes,
But they found then- seven swallowed u^) by eight.
The people were astounded to behold the new plan.
When the president of forty-five millions was chosen by

one man.
The Democrats cried out it was deceit at the best.
But if victors, in future, they must fly to the West —
Beware of all political hacks, tricksters and schemers,
Trust not in empty promises in the year eighty —
We will have our chief magistrate elected by ballot,
Not by Eeturning Boards — Wells, Morton and Bradley,
The President in future must be elected by ballot.
We will abohsh the nuisance, the Electoral College,
The people will then assume their sovereignty ;
The majority in future shall inile the minority.
Grant, when first elected, had military fame.
He left the White House in a cloud of shame.
He went to Galena, where he was a tanner.
And then to England to see Mrs. Sartoris.
IMi's. Grant was all fidget and racket,
Preparing to sail by the very next packet.
Grant, in London, put on princely airs.



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He bowed liis head to the rich and great,

He got receptions from Ministers of State —

A reward for his treason with Alabama Claims —

In his speeches to John B he had the foUy

To pledge Columbia as a British ally.

The Galena tanner in pompous state,

Hob-nobbed to Victoria and the Prince of Wales.

He is the first President with the brand,

Of i)utting on royal airs in foreign lands !

Grant appeared in uniform — military traps,

He acted the Lickspittle — a military fop.

He danced attendance on lords and dukes.

He had an invitation each day in June —

He would act Caesar or a Mogul,

And for a commission he'd turn Turk.

Oh, what a time had the Galena tanner.

Taking a drive in Victoria's fine carriage i

He despised his countrymen as serfs.

While wining and dining with the stupid guelphs.

John B cared little for Grant's folly,

Only he wanted Uncle Sam for an ally.



Political Rings:



A SATIRE.

By p. CUDMOBE, Esq.,

COXJNSELOR-AT-LAW.

AuiJM>» **f tha "Civil Government of the States and the Constitutional
iiisiory of the United States," the " Irish Republic," etc., etc.



FoETs of yore to Parnassus did wing —

And invoked the muses to aid 'em to sing —

Iheir themes often were grand and subhme.

Some like Dante hurled shafts of satire —

Others writ of heroic deeds — chieftains and kings.

My theme is corruption and political rings —

Politicians have form'd rings in ev'ry place —

And a Canal ring in th' Empire State.

Eings in ev'ry county, town, city, and ward, —

There was a corrupt ring in Tammany Hall.

Connolly, Sweeney, Tweed, and their pals,

Were indicted for corruption and fraud.

They thought that their deeds ne'er would be known,

For they controU'd th' Legislature and th' Courts.

And although Tweed possessed millions,

O'Conor and th' " Seventy " sent 'im to prison —



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To rob Uncle Sam is a profitable thing,

And in Washington is a Treasuiy ring.

There are rings of distillers and gangers,

Bab.'s cons23iracy was in Grant's chamber —

The rings had their. aiders and abettors,

A Washington ring was headed by Shepherd —

By Court-House rings the people are defrauded.

There was a corrupt ring in Chicago —

There are treasuiy defaulters in th' States all o'er.

And S , and M , in Minnesota.

Tweed for his frauds to prison did go —
A defalcation, in Minnesota, is called a ''lone"
There are rings to rob the poor red man —
There were rings of schemers to evade the draft
Eings for steahng in the pubHc lands.
And a ring for steahng by "railroad bonds."
Eings of schemers, rogues, and defrauders.
And many rings for robbing the farmers.
Eings of lobbyists, strikers— political thieves.
And raihroad rings— and the " Credit MoUlier:'
Eings for stealing in the State school funds.
And rings for monopoly in school books —
And rings for steahng in the swamp lands.
And rings for steahng in schoolfund bonds,
Eings for steahng from the poor Indians,
And rings of defaulters— agents of pensions ;
In the pension office was a big steal,
Jim B r, in Chicago, buUdozed Miss Sweets-
There were rings of trappers and Indian traders,
And rings to buy up Territorial Legislatures,



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Rings for stealing in the State pine lands,
And a ring for tli' payment of railroad bonds.
Eings of gangers and inspectors of stiUs—
Millions are stolen by " Crooked Whiskey " rings.
Revenue thieves make a very big thing —
And in New York is a Custom-house ring.
In ev'ry legislature are lobby ringers,
And in Minnesota are railroad skinners —
Rings of bondholders and railroad agents.
Skinners by name and skinners by nature.

Mc made a fortune in pine land stumps,

And built a huge mansion with "State funds."

Th' Government is robbed by contractors and builder^

They are aided by army and naval ringers —

Rin^s influence men in high and low station.

And railroad rings the State Legislatures —

Rings for reconstructing th' Southern States,

And Grant's conspiracy to inaugurate Hayes —

Many rings of miners and land grabbers,

And rings of speculators — " railroad wreckers,"

And rings for cheating in wheat and oats

And for defrauding th' Gov't by cancelling its notes.

And although th' rings did plunder and steal,

Th' President and Governors did 'em shield.

Many were indicted for " huge steals " —

Th' prosecution increased th' debts of th' States.

None ev'r doubted of their plunder and fraud.

Money and party triumphed o'er th' laws.

And where th' dominant party didn't want investigation

Th' matter was hushed up by accepting a resignation —



16

To cover up frauds and stealings Jui-ies are packed
And State and County Attorneys wink at tli' job —
And wlien to prison was sent a rogue or defaulter,
The Jail door was opened by tli' President's pardon.
There are rings and defaulters in ev'ry station
And corruption and j^lunder all o'er th' nation.
Ohj for a Jefferson, a Jackson, or a Clay I
"We have mere politicians — has vu*tue failed ?



A Court-house Ring,

A SATIRE.



In this poem, I am not over civil

M D , stands for " Mike the Devil."

"With vile politicians he was in Co^

So you may call him Buck or Do.

My theme is n't of faries, heroes, or princes,

But of one o' th' vilest of vile j^oliticians.

D was not known to the rulers of nations ;

In Kilkenny ( ) he took up his station.

When he enter VI politics, he was no expert,
Till he became an ajiprentice to Beelzebub.
Bubby tutored him in lies and deceit.
Till he eclips'd the serpent that tempted Eve.

This C hack had a battalion of spies.

He defeat'd Doyle and D ty with deceit and lies.

This trickster had no love for pigeon or dove.
In his greed he gul^^'d down Kilkenny's sweet bird ;
With lies, corruption, he stirred up contention ;
He was an adept at packing a convention.
Satan, with a smile, said to old Do,
"For Greenbacks you sell the county's Gold ; "
For Avell you know how to grab up pelf.
You may keep the profit to yourself.



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Said Do to Satan, "I'll do it smart."
So with til' county's gold lie got liis first start.
His satvric phiz had a smile satanic,
'When he defeated j^oor John L. Meagher.

AVliile handling S 's money he felt very big —

With promises and lies he defeated Bill Smith.

Bill was undaunted ( ), he was a trump,

And rather than yield he ran on th' stump.

Do for to match 'im and cause him to stuml^le.

With the aid of Dick Walsh he ran Frank Quinlan.

Frank was jovial, jolly, and easy ;

With dangling curls he charmed some ladies ;

But the dangling curls have fled, alas !

AYho now cares for Doran's jDoor old Ass ?

Franky was lazy ( ), he drank "much sack,"

It will cost a million for his clerk.

Let Frank cry, "Commune" — and "tramp, tranr:),"

He's a dearer pill than th' bogus bonds.

I remember how Frank's heart did flutter

When he was jDursu'd by Tim for th' buggy.

M D ground his teeth and ho swora lika 8 it:iu.

When he was defeated by Luther Z. Rogers.

D had at command men of all bramls,

He'd a brace of supporters in Cadwell and Bangs.

With his victories he felt quite inflated.

He was ready to burst like th' toad in th' fable.

Though a mere lout and ignorant boor,

He became ambitious of honor and fame ;

And, in his joride, he aspii'ed to an office of State.

By packing conventions he got a delegation,

And for State Auditor he got a nomination.

Fearing some light — he signed his resignation.

He got a plotting— and by deception and scheming,

He thought to get to Congress or some high station.

Though not gifted as a debater or orator,



1



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He'd make a mark as a striker ( ) Salary Grabber.

To make tli' road clear for Iiis political plans,

He laid his traps to defeat McDonald and Cox.

In all o' his scheming, early and late.

He was a mere tool of Horace B. Strait.

As long as th' fox runs he is captured at last —

Cudmore, th' historian, let th' cat out of th' bag.

Do an apprentice of old Beelzebub,

Finds his Congressonal honors ( ) a bubble of suds.

In 1875 Do elected Frank Kolars ;
In 1876 his Jim was defeated by Borer.
Through Kilkenny this hopeful was in a sputter,
Drumming up votes for mere bread and butter.

M — : — D cared little for friend, cousin, brother ;

With " no Irish need appty " he defeated Tom Byrne.

This miserable boor was bloated with jDride —

Like a hawk on a bird he pounced on M. Wilds.

In th' Legislature Do defeated Mark for Superintendent,

For bringing to light Do's figures while Treasurer.

Mark felt indignant at th' loss of his station.

And as County Commissioner su'd Do for -.

Bangs was dejected — th' county employed Cox —
On th' eve of election Le Sueur was "nolle pros."

When M D goes through th' county x^uppics do

bark,
They feel so indignant for th' dogs that he taxed.
To get the County Seat to th' Centre puzzled his wit,
Till he got th' aid of Rogers, Mort, and E. Smith.
Back again to Le Sueur th' officials he'd quarter,
And sell for a poor-house his building, farm.
The County officials he put under tribute —
He laid it thick on Quinlan, Kolars, Kinsey —
His man Friday — fugleman in every season,

Was his ready tool — bald-headed Mike Gr y.

Mike was not active at cai)turing thieves,



20

He knew enoiigli figures to multiply fees.

Old Mike, the Sheriff ( ) a, man of straw,

In the Court-house stands ( ) a pipe in his jaw.

AVhat a phiz — sniff — snivel — snuffle — sneeze !
He lost th' hair of his head adding fees.
"Where to place Mc I am at my wits end.
And for th' present he may straddle th' fence.

Th' fear of bodly harm troubled D 's mind,

He sent to St. Peter honest Bill Dynes.

In 18G7, D for Treasurer did run —

To head him off, John ran on the stump.
In 1875, Do devis'd th' Satanic j^lan,
Th' defeat o' Borer with j^olitical hacks.

C was defeated by political tricksters.

The cry of the ring was, " stick to the ticket ; "

Then, to defeat C , the Court-house pack

All united from Do to ,

O'er political blood-hounds Do's whip did crack,

G y, Q , M y, and ''Jim" joined tli' pack.

"With literary talent Do was not bless'd.
Yet, in Le Sueur, he bulldozed th' j^ress.

M D , for the bonds, didn't know how to vote.

He consulted C n, not a judge of a court.

Those he didn't enlist with j)romises and

He united his dupes like Satan with lies.
During the war he was a man-catcher — trap —
He joined a ring for evading the draft.

M D , Capt. C- , and Dr. Mayo,

To evade the draft, met in Faribault.

That mean vile crew, with satanic skill,

Out of poor men did their pockets fill.

They had their runners — man-catchers — traps —

Wlio made believe they'd exempt from th' draft.

Their delud'd dupes in numbers flocked,

And gave th' draft ring thousands in greenbacks.



21

Tlie mean, vile, low ring made the mare go,
And for greenbacks fleeced friend and foe.
As a billy goat scampers down hill,

D ran off from ]\Iarslial Averill.

Like the vile arch iiend fallen from bliss.
Do's sole delight was in doing amiss.
To set up his pins securely and strong,

He made nominations in Le bank.

While playing billiards ( ) drinlving in grog shops,

He selected his tools for packing caucuses —
He rode through the county to mature his plans ;
He used beer and whisky and a low dance.
When he found men more joractical than funny,

With the beer and th' dance he gave them m y.

He employed craft, malice, envy ( ) double dealing ;

Ambiguity — tricks — deceit — promises — scheming.
To rule or ruin he'd use money and spies,
And, like Satan, mix truth "to vent more lies."

He dissembled ( ), the rich he worshiped and praised ;

He looked on foes with anger and low disdain.

His duped followers oft he did beguile.

With fair promises and satanic lies.

He seldom or never prayed to the most High ;

He bent his knee to Satan and Belial ;

He car'd not for heroes — not Agamemnon ;

A mean hunk he — hunker-like worship'd Mammon.

For wealth and power he had a thirst.

He took Satan's counsel — " Get money first."

For to get wealth (- — ) his motto was, "succeed."

In deceit, lies, and cunning he eclipsed th' fiend.
This greedy cormorant cared not for God's law,
If with filthy lucre he could fill his maw.
To get votes or to reap more gain.
He'd worship Satan's God — even Baal.
He was outlandish, base, mean, and vile ;



22

Even tlie truth he mixed with Kes.
Th' trickster thinks that by means of pelf,
That to Congress he will go himself.
Th' trickster to Congress ne'er will go,
Be his reward of merit th' hangman's rope !
Indeed, the slave has his tools and spies,
And he j^uUs his puj^pets with his wires.
Now, to this trickster a word I say —
That every mean dog has his day !



DORAN'S ASS-1878.

Franky, indeed, was quite a mean one —

He turned Turk — he turned Bohemian ;

Not, indeed, for what he ev'r had " wrote,"

But for packing caucuses — trading votes.

Franky to his friends never was true ;

To gain a voter he would lose two.

He was with all parties on all questions ;

He was false to his friends ; he us'd deception ;

To get elected was his aim and end.

For a few votes he would sell his friends.

At conventions how he raves and rants,

That noisy, toady and silly Frank !

How the people hsten when they pass.

Just to hear the bray of Dor an' s ass ! !

That stui)id ass, in his pranks one day,

From his cruel master ran awa}^ ;

But the noisy, stupid, servile, hack,

Just when Doran whistled, hurried back.

He stooped down at his master's crack,

To get his burden put on his back.

T^liile he stood mute at his master's rack.

He was told the convention he should pack ;



23



That lie sliould work, then canter and bray,

"While his cruel master was at th' fair.

Just wait awhile till election day,

This stupid ass will want more fresh hay.

"When this stupid donkey will want oats,

Or in other words, the people's votes,

Tell this donkey, when for votes he asks,

You can go to thistles — " go to grass ! "

A bald-headed sheriff, with a frown.

Said the "ticket with Irish don't load down! "

This d , this s , of the Irish nation.

By Irishmen's votes got his high station.
This mean hack for Doran loudly bawls —
In seventy-nine he'll have a fall.
The donkey's blood-hounds, Doran's vile pack.
The people will clear from th' election track.
'Stick to the ticket," is th' cry of th' hacks ;
Let the people shout, " Vote for greenbacks ! "
"When he wants votes, Doran's hack doth Avhino,
Don't you forget, " No Irish need apply ! "
He'd keep Irishmen from office, the mean elf ;
Let th' rule be applied, then, to himself.

M D 's study early and late,

"Was to get office, real estate —

To get jDclf, power — office — civil,

He sold himself unto the devil !

The contract was drawn with devil's skill,

W^as writ in blood with a raven's quill.

To get knowledge from Beelzebub,

He drank raven's blood from a raven's skull —

Bird of darkness — ill-omen — evil —

D 's companion is the devil.

The Black Crook, or fiend of sable night,
"Will take (D -) to his kingdom in his flight.



24



The vile arcli-fiend emj^loyed liis skill,

And tutored D to manage the mill.

When by " hocus-230cus, 2)resto, pass,"
The mill stockholders then "went to grass."
The fiend worked hard, early and late,

And gave M office, wealth, real estate.

Th' evil one's power he did employ,

That his enemies he could defy.

They say the devil must have his due —

Others joined M D 's vile crew ;

For to gain influence and capture votes,

D , with Lapland witches, rode a goat.

The mean dregs of every nation

"Worked for D for wealth or station ;

This vile, low herd — this mean, servile pack-
Always ready when M 's whip did crack.

Those that the fiend raised always fell ;

D and his crew may go to h — 11.

Before you vote think awhile and stoj) ;


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